themonkeylikecreature

[themonkeylikecreature]

Many new parents are delighted to discover that if left to their own devices for long enough, their children will just go ahead and raise themselves. Later on, the same parents are shocked and dismayed to find that their children didn't raise themselves to obey and respect their parents.

[themonkeylikecreature]

I once talked to ex cop who carried a gun on his hip with an ill fitting holster that keep falling down his ass. As we talked, he proceeded use the barrel of the gun to point at things, grab at the handle instinctly when he felt insecure, and SCRATCH HIS BALLS with a loaded gun. To be honest, that conversation made me more in favor of gun control then that time I was in a literal shooting.

[themonkeylikecreature]

A person whose piss smells like fancy high-end perfume probably wouldn't just figure it out and start bottling it. They would go around perfume reviewing websites commenting about how every damn fragrance smells like piss.

[themonkeylikecreature]

spotted in virginia right outside of dc—happy ides of march, y'all!

[themonkeylikecreature]

Hey do y'all remember several years ago when we were all freaking out about net neutrality being overturned? Well despite net neutrality's win in 2024, a federal court just overturned it.

For those who aren't aware, net neutrality is the simple principle that companies like Verizon and Comcast should treat all web traffic equally – not pick and choose based on who is willing to pay more or who they like best. Big Tech companies obviously don’t like that – which is why they spent millions lobbying against it over the years.

Now, these megacorporations will be able to seize control back over our Internet. The likely result? Throttled access to streaming services, monopolistic pricing that cuts out competition, and a slower, walled off, and less free Internet for all of us.

And unfortunately, rulings like this will only get more common now that the Supreme Court has overturned the “Chevron deference” – giving judges, rather than qualified public servants, a blank check to toss out protections like net neutrality, environmental safeguards, or food safety standards.

When Trump’s FCC repealed net neutrality back in 2017, they gave big corporations total control over our Internet – putting free and open access at risk.

Internet providers responded by exploiting their newfound power to speed up certain websites, and slow down – or even block – others. They failed to provide crucial Internet infrastructure in rural areas, low-income communities, and communities of color. They even slashed firefighters’ Internet access during severe wildfires.

But over 126,000 people spoke out and we were able to reinstate net neutrality – until now.

The time has come again to take action: please sign this petition from Common Cause so we can reinstate net neutrality.

[themonkeylikecreature]

straight men have beauty standards for men that are completely different than the beauty standards women and gay men have for men and then they get mad when they conform to the beauty standards other podcast bros set for them and women still don’t find them attractive

[themonkeylikecreature]

Hi everyone! Here's your Daily Reminder to Click for Palestine!

And if you can spare a dollar, donate to ANERA!

[themonkeylikecreature]

you ever hear anyone say something so dumb you have to draw a new yorker cartoon about it?

[themonkeylikecreature]

I think the meaning of life is eating good food in the company of people you love

[themonkeylikecreature]

㋡🥀

colors of the sky.

[themonkeylikecreature]

[themonkeylikecreature]

Cinderella rewrite where Cinderella’s father is an unusually successful fisherman due to his secret friendships with the shy and mysterious mermaids, successful enough to attract a moderately wealthy and ambitious bride with two daughters. Once he dies, her stepmother, determined to make sure her daughters inherit the fishing business as dowries by marrying before Cinderella, forbids her from going out on the fishing boats or into town and makes sure she spends as much of her time as possible doing drudgework, hauling offal and cleaning fish. When the Prince’s ball comes around, an important occasion for young women to make good connections, the stepmother forbids her from going, telling her that she needs to get the latest salmon catch gutted and ready for sale instead.

Cinderella’s mermaid godmother calls upon her people to clean the fish and gifts her a dress and shoes of shimmering fish scales that wreathe her in rainbows under the moonlight. She makes an impression on the Prince at the ball so strong that he immediately falls in love with her, and when she’s forced to flee before her stepmother notices her (no masquerade mask or dancing rainbows will disguise her from her own family at close range), the Prince is left with only a delicate fish leather slipper left on the front steps to try to find her again.

He goes around the houses, seeking the owner of the slipper, but Cinderella is once again working in the fish sheds. He stepmother, desperate and determined and having found Cinderella’s other shoe that very morning, realises what has happened and takes a knife to the feet of her prettiest daughter, telling the prince that she suffered an injury that very morning but those are definitely her shoes, see, here’s the other one, and they still fit.

The daughter is pretty and witty and charming, and while the Prince doesn’t feel the same spark and instant sense of connection that he did at the party, he reasons that she’s overwhelmed and in pain and once she’s healed, all will be well. There are no birds to whisper of blood in the shoe – the Prince has seen the bandaged feet already – and the daughter slips on the shoes (the only shoes she has that will fit her, now,) and accompanies him to the palace.

But the stepmother is no doctor, and by the time the Prince gets her to the palace doctors, it’s too late – his beloved has contracted an infection in her feet from the shoe leather, made unclean in its travels. She will survive – it is an infection of a common filth of fish and birds, one that the doctors have potions for for the occasions where dangerously cooked food causes outbreaks – but in her raving, she confesses the whole scheme to the Prince who, furious, returns to the village to find the girl he truly fell in love with, the girl hidden from him.

“Oh, yeah, the fish cleaner,” the villagers shrug. “We don’t see her around very much, she’s probably in the sheds. Her family calls her Salmonella.”

[themonkeylikecreature]

[themonkeylikecreature]

Here’s to 2023, a year of as many little courageous kindnesses as possible. ♥️

[themonkeylikecreature]

calculating the exact amount of money you have to make before threatening to kill you becomes terrorism instead of an exspected part of your work day

[themonkeylikecreature]

Bowser joins the team!