thenicedolphin - Tumblr blog

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2019 Edition!

We are BACK, with the 7th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides insightful, quality analysis while Alex texts some thoughts from his iPhone about how Lego Movie 2 was robbed of a nomination even though it’s not even eligible this year. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

 You know what? Lego Movie 2 WAS robbed this year! Just like how Lego Movie should’ve been nominated for Best Picture in 2015 and didn’t even get nominated to be in the ghetto of Best Animated Feature. Horseshit. We haven’t even gotten to the first category and I’m already PISSED.

 Best Picture: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice”

 I’ll start by noting this wasn’t my favorite years for Oscar nominees. The top picks aren’t as good as Get Out or Lady Bird (or Phantom Thread) from last year. Or Moonlight and La La Land the year before. But there are a few great films in here, along with some mediocre picks.

 Nice try sneaking La La Land in there -- should’ve at least gone with Argo. I do agree that it’s a weak year. Lady Bird would’ve jobbed out almost all the other movies this year, and it was like the third best movie from last year (behind Get Out and Phantom Thread). Honestly, just go back and read last year’s post.

I’d go to bat for Roma for sure. It’s a great film. It certainly is a masterpiece of visuals and a writer/director getting to tell his personal story. It certainly felt like a movie event to watch it in theaters.

 Certainly.

 The sound was really creative (surround sound to make the neighborhood and events feel alive). The visuals were beautiful and poignant, as one would expect with Cuaron. He really put all his effort in telling this story, paying homage to his childhood and to the live-in maid who so strongly influenced his upbringing.

 Roma starts slow, but it builds, and I became enraptured with it during the second half. Some of the sequences are intense and well worth the previous groundwork. There’s a 10-15 minute sequence (just an estimate) that left me shook and in awe at the filmmaking (the scene starting at the furniture store). Another scene gave such emotional catharsis and helped close the movie really well. Roma also has some fun tangents and moments (I think of everything around New Year’s Eve) that some may find meandering. I dug them.

 While Roma was a technical masterpiece, I’m still not sold on it as a story. Literally nothing happens for the first 100 minutes then we get some things that are completely unnerving, including one image that does not feel entirely earned, to put it mildly.

 TASTELESS SPOILER ALERT

 Cuaron is like “yeah, let’s focus on some dog shit for two hours. Enjoying that? Well, here look at this dead baby for like 15 minutes straight.” Dude was on screen for EONS. Thought he was gunning for a best supporting nom.

 SPOILERS OVER

 Roma is definitely a loving portrait of Cleo, a personal ode to the women who raised Cuaron, and an astute look into the intersection of economic class and gender in 1970s Mexico, but I can’t tell if those well-made pieces combine to make a truly great movie.

 Otherwise, I’m not sure how much I’d want to rewatch this film or revisit it in entirety, but I really admired it and thought it was great. It is the frontrunner, and it would deserve Best Picture.

 I’m a little worried that because of its Netflix standing and that weirdness. For example, AMC and Regal didn’t include Roma in their best picture marathons/showcases because it didn’t meet the distribution requirement for those theaters. Does that affect voters too? It seemed to with a few previous prestige Netflix films, but things do seem different now. So let’s talk about the next upset contender right now: Green Book.

 Green Book is an interesting movie to me. It’s fairly polarizing because of the way it treats racial issues and the friendship between Viggo Mortensen’s white Italian character (Tony Lip) and Mahershala Ali’s black character (Don Shirley). You may have seen some of the controversies, such as how Shirley’s family wasn’t consulted on the film and disputes some of the representations of Shirley’s relationship with his family (deserving of criticism in my opinion). There has been criticism of director Peter Farrelly’s past on-set antics, or co-writer (son of Tony Lip) Nick Vallelonga’s tweet history (less of an issue to me to criticize the film, but still, not great, Bob).

 First and foremost, FOCK this movie. Tony Lip is racist as hell! Like REALLY racist. You can tell it was written by his son, because the movie treats Tony like he’s the perfect man who was just a touch unexposed to other cultures. He never really learned or grew, especially with the whole “You’re not even black!” rant at the end. He just goes from being super racist to not(?) racist because he’s getting paid to hang out with Dr. Shirley for a few weeks.

 Green Book has two great leading performances and some wonderful friendship moments. It has some funny Italian moments (is this racist?), and it has some great moments of strength by Don Shirley in rougher times racially. But man… I just can’t get over some of the key aspects of the film.

 The film really leans into the dynamic of hey, you’re black, I’m white, we’re different, but hey, we’re not so different! It feels antiquated, and this year, other films handled race relations better while being better stories overall (examples include Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, and If Beale Street Could Talk). Green Book’s lack of nuance reminds me of Crash and Driving Miss Daisy. Hell, the movie is called Green Book, and they barely mention it! They should have just called it something else.

 I get that little Nicky V. wanted to make a film about what a big man his daddy was, but it really only should’ve been loosely based on the Lip-Shirley friendship, and it could’ve avoided all the embarrassing fallout about Shirley not actually being estranged from the family/culture.

 The flipside of this is whether or not Green Book is an entertaining, good movie. And in some ways it is. The friendship is fun. The banter is entertaining. I really liked Wesley Morris’ analysis of this on a podcast with Bill Simmons, who discussed how, when you take aside race and the message, the friendship is well-portrayed and some of the editing and scenes work well.

 The first 30 minutes of this movie is some of the worst stuff ever recorded. Not even in terms of movies, but like, anything. It’s just Tony and his family being super racist, him entering into a hot dog eating contest (lmao what) and hacky banter between Tony and Dr. Shirley. Tony having to explain the concept of fried chicken to Dr. Shirley was a low point in a year that featured the existence of 15:17 to Paris. LOOK AT THE BABY CHICKEN LEG SPENCER

 But Green Book is trying to talk about race. It’s what the film emphasizes and it’s what the creators of the film emphasized during their awards run. And if you handle that clumsily, it’s hard for me to separate that from my enjoyment of the film. I don’t need to see more stories about white guys thinking black people are deplorable, and then well, you meet a black guy, and he isn’t so bad! That’s not a great story! Ultimately, Green Book is a solid film with some troublesome messaging that weighs it down. And the film isn’t so amazing story/acting wise to overcome those issues. It’s just kinda… vanilla.

 I’ll speak more on the leads in later sections, but if it wasn’t for Mahershala Ali’s deeply nuanced portrayal of Don Shirley, this movie would be completely irredeemable. Fortunately, he’s actually given a character with some agency, but everything about him is all done in service of the white man’s story about his “growth” as a person, which is really just him learning to be less of an asshole -- not exactly a hero turn!

 Also, how many fucking times did they need to cut back to Tony shrugging in the Orange Bird? Geez, we get it already.

 One more point to rant on: the fact that Tony’s son co-wrote the screenplay, and then Don Shirley’s family came out strongly against some of the story points REALLY rubs me the wrong way. Let’s put it this way: if a friend of mine did a story about his friendship with me, emphasizing inaccurately that I didn’t know how to eat Korean BBQ and had initially thought the idea of it was gross, and that I was estranged from my family but considered him and his family to be my family instead??? Dawg… I would haunt you from my grave for that shit.

 /quietly deletes “The Nice Dolphin” screenplay

 A Star is Born seemed like a heavy contender when it came out. It crushed the box office, critics and audience members seemed to love it, but it seems to have cooled off bigtime v. Roma and Green Book (really??? Green Book???). Well, I loved it, so let me sing its praises.

 A Star is Born was good, but not that good. A hugely entertaining first hour followed by some terribly-paced sequences and a weirdly undefined Jack Maine (I didn’t realize how he spelled his name until that concert poster at the end) combine for an enjoyable, but uneven film.

 Star is Born coulda gone poorly. Cooper trying to direct/sing/play music, Gaga trying to act, original soundtrack, and remaking an old story. Well, it works. The music is on point, the two lead acting performances are strong. There are some magical moments in this film… the scenes where they meet and flirt, where they write music together, when they perform Shallow… it’s so good! The film is good throughout, and the ending packs a wallop. I really like Star is Born, and I hope it can get more love than its likely Best Song win.

 I will admit, I knew the ending before I saw it, so some of the impact was lessened and it also basically ruined that scene with Jack and his counselor. Also it was really late at night and I was pretty cranky, so by the third or fourth scene of her lumbering around the dance studio, I was ready to call it.

 Still, Gaga and Cooper have great chemistry, which made the early scenes pop. However, the movie seemed like it didn’t really know what to make of Jack. Was he truly a troubled poet, or just a raging asshole using his art as an excuse for being an awful person? Was he a big country star selling out amphitheaters or a washed up, piss-soaked loser? What the movie was trying to claim as nuance really just came off as equivocation.

 I am pleasantly surprised that The Favourite got as much Oscar buzz as it did. Alex can elaborate, but Yorgos is definitely a more out there director, and The Favourite seems to work really well as a pivot for him. It’s a little more mainstream, but not completely. It’s not a sell-out. This movie is still probably too weird and rated R for some people.

 As a true Yorgite, I am THRILLED that my man is getting more mainstream love. The Favourite and Black Panther are my two favorite Best Picture nominees this year, despite them basically having no shot at winning.

 Even going a bit “mainstream” here (this is the most natural-sounding dialogue in the Yorgos filmography), Yorgos sacrifices nothing about his unique, vicious style. This movie is as nasty, biting, and hilarious as anything else he’s done, and the entire cast (especially the three leads) delivers.

 I really liked it. The performances were great, the story was really fun (Mean Girls but in a royal setting, or All About Eve, which I haven’t seen), the camerawork was interesting. I like how unconventional it was in some ways, like the ending just sorta sneaking up on me.

 I saw this in a packed theater and I could definitely tell it was a lot of older couples who thought they were in for something along the lines of “The Crown” or “Downton Abbey,” and not heavy lesbian erotica. Also, despite what he says, I don’t consider Matt a true Yorgite, so it’s no surprise he wasn’t ready for that ending. My first thought when them bunnies hit the screen? “Yorgos, you’ve done it again!” A true masterpiece.

 People are worked up about Black Panther getting a nomination, and I’m like… have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody or Vice? And you’re mad about Black Panther?

 People being mad about the Black Panther getting nominated and Green Book getting legit Best Picture love? If only there was some common thread here...

 First, I’ve definitely had friends surprised because for them, Infinity War was better… but I mean, they’re big Marvel fans so IW was a bigger deal to them storywise. Meanwhile, a lot of friends also told me how amazing Black Panther was, how it was their favorite Marvel movie, how it was so much more than a superhero movie, etc. Critics gave it strong reviews deservingly in my opinion, and it crushed the box office because it resonated with a lot of people. Just because it’s not as critically good as Roma and it’s a superhero movie doesn’t mean that it’s only in because it’s about race or that it doesn’t deserve it.

 Black Panther absolutely deserved the nomination. Despite Avengers: Infinity War being a more crucial story to the MCU, Black Panther was a better, more cohesive film. IW was basically one long chase/fight scene, which I loved, but it can’t really stand on its own.

 Black Panther built an entire world, populated it with fascinating characters with complex motivations, and had some badass action scenes all within the span of like two hours.

 Also, come on guys. This is the same show that’s given nominations to… Bohemian Rhapsody. And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (did anyone actually see that?). The Post, American Sniper, Philomena (does anyone remember that?)... I mean, does a movie only deserve to be nominated because it was about an Oscar-type of topic? I say nominate more of these blockbuster movies (IF they are good). Why did Mission Impossible and Crazy Rich Asians and Game Night not get nominated when Bohemian Rhapsody did? They were better reviewed.

 First of all, I take umbrage to you including American Sniper with that trash. Also, Game Night didn’t get nominated because it wasn’t that good (it’s still better than Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody, but you get it). Crazy Rich Asians and Mission Impossible were both fantastic. Actually, here is an incomplete list of movies that are better than Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book that came out this year, but didn’t get much, if any, Oscar love:

Annihilation Bad Times at the El Royale Crazy Rich Asians Deadpool 2 The Equalizer 2 (didn’t actually see this, but it’s got Denzel) First Reformed Halloween Lego Movie (still) Mission Impossible: Fallout A Quiet Place Searching Sorry to Bother You Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse (got some love, deserved more) Widows

 Honestly Teen Titans Go! To The Movies and Venom were better than that trash too.

 Anyway, Black Panther rules. It’s got an awesome cast of characters, it represents culture well, Coogler crushes the direction, the story is fun, and the villain is super compelling. People loved the ending scenes of Black Panther. This movie is worthy. Also shoutout to that last scene between Boseman and Jordan. Seriously, so good. Honestly, Black Panther had at least 4 scenes that were just as dramatic AND better-done than BR.

 That sounds impressive until you realize that BR had zero well-done scenes. Seriously, every time I think about that movie I hate it more. It’s the opposite of Phantom Thread. It’s the Terrestrial Thread.

 Bohemian Rhapsody is probably one of the worst movies to be nominated for Best Picture in recent years. Look, if you like the movie and find it entertaining, that’s totally fine! Just don’t tell me Black Panther didn’t deserve it when it’s better in every technical aspect.

 The editing is bad. The story of the movie is a censored version crafted by the living band members of Queen to paint them in the best light. Freddie Mercury is portrayed like more of an immature punk than he deserves, and the other band members seem like the grown-ups. The dramatic scenes are not very good. It’s just fine. The acting is solid. The movie is fun when the band is playing music or making music. But it really drags at parts. A solid B- crowdpleaser. NOT an Oscar movie.

 The only time this movie is entertaining is when Queen is playing/making music. Just save yourself the trouble and watch some old concert DVD or whatever. Every “based on a true story” movie is going to take some liberties with the facts, but this is the first movie I can recall that makes the true story MORE boring. This is literally the exact same movie as Straight Outta Compton, except that one was better -- and didn’t even get nominated! Straight Outta Compton is the Lego Movie of musical biopics.

 BlacKkKlansman was a powerful movie, though I’ll say it isn’t peak Spike Lee for me. It is really good in moments, and it’s also weaker in stretches. Basically, whenever the main character is infiltrating the KKK or working with his partner, the movie works. The scenes about the civil rights movements are really good, especially a scene where Kwame Ture gives a speech. The movie is slower when it tries to delve into Ron Stallworth’s personal life and romance. The movie is probably 15-20 minutes too long, which would be my main critique. And the ending is a bit polarizing (it worked for me, but I can see the argument against it).

 15-20 minutes too long? Sounds like peak Spike to me. Hey-ooooooooooooo!

 I really dug BlacKkKlansman, but man the capitalization of the title is infuriating. I agree that it’s a bit scattered (and not in a way that actually serves the story), but overall, I think Spike put together a film that is entertaining, exciting, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s world. The scenes from recent news at the end might’ve come off a bit clunky to some, but it really brought the message home that in some ways the movie might’ve had a “happy” ending, but in no way is the big picture a positive one.

 Vice. Man. I was really looking forward to this one and I was disappointed. It felt like Adam McKay took all his tools from The Big Short and used them to excess. The Big Short was crisp and covered one specific story. Vice tries to cover a lot of years of Cheney’s life without much cohesion. I wish the movie had focused more on the VP years, which were the best parts of the movie and far too short. The Big Short’s narrator was a main character who explained a lot of complicated concepts that related to his character. Vice tried to have a random character with tons of narration, and it was all over the place without really having a reason for being in the movie. McKay also tries a few other ambitious things that don’t work as well when your movie isn’t strong. Basically, the riskier decisions stuck out more poorly. I wanted to dig this movie, but it just wasn’t very well-made, and I’m underwhelmed by its nominations.

 I didn’t get around to Vice, but there’s something comforting about knowing that I’ll never see all of the Best Picture nominees. Not that I’ve ever let that stop me from providing commentary before. Besides, after Matt’s SCATHING review, I probably made the right call.

 An interesting theme that pervades several of the Best Pic noms this year is the movies being directly at odds with their “true stories” in ways that actively hurt the movies. Green Book, Bohemian Rhapsody, and BlacKkKlansman all suffer from this. Maybe Vice too? Who knows.

 Generally, I try to separate the movie from the real events it’s based on. Real life is rarely as entertaining as a Hollywood flick, so I totally get why Die Hard didn’t have a third act of Carl Winslow filling out paperwork. HAVING SAID THAT when the true tale gets twisted into something totally unrecognizable, is it fair to criticize the movie for that? Green Book completely mutated the character of Dr. Don Shirley to fit a narrative of friendship triumphing over racism; Bohemian Rhapsody mischaracterized the relationship between Freddie Mercury and his bandmates to create a non-existent redemption/comeback arc; BlacKkKlansman ignored all the ways Ron Stallworth sabotaged the pro-Black movement in Colorado in service of painting police as the true heroes of equality.

 I don’t have all the answers here, but these three examples feel like particularly egregious warpings of reality. However, I want to use this opportunity to praise YORGOS, who took enough from history to give The Favourite some context, but was up front about his editorialization enough to where the historical inaccuracies didn’t matter, and it didn’t feel like watching some ol boolshit.

 I wish First Man and If Beale Street Could Talk had gotten in over Vice and Bohemian, or in addition to (since the nominations can go up to 10).  Hell, if you had just added these two to make it 10, this crop would look stronger. The follow-ups for the directors of La La Land and Moonlight, neither film was as strong as the previous outings, but both were quality art. First Man sometimes had less impressive action with its use of shaky cam in the cockpit (which made the theater experience dizzying at times), and it mostly lost the mainstream audience because it was less adventurous than movies like The Martian or Interstellar. It also chose to try to portray Armstrong as an ordinary, less romantic type of hero, which may have been to its detriment for entertainment purposes. But I really liked the story of Neil Armstrong and NASA, warts and all. It felt more authentic and well-acted compared to, oh, I dunno, BR. And the moon landing scenes were breathtaking.

 Beale Street struggled for me with its back-and-forth narrative, and some characters who I wish had more to do but some of the scenes were so good, and the art of it was beautiful. I also wish foreign films like Cold War and Shoplifters could get some Best Picture love too, but I’ll talk more about them below.

 Cinematography: “Cold War,” Lukasz Zal “The Favourite,” Robbie Ryan “Never Look Away,” Caleb Deschanel “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “A Star Is Born,” Matthew Libatique

 (edit: We put these categories here as a little TND protest for when the Oscars weren’t gonna air them on the regular telecast. But we’ll leave them here still, because these categories rule.)

 The presumed favorite appears to be Roma, with Cold War as a potential dark horse. After Cuarón’s go-to cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki (three-time consecutive Oscar winner at one point, including for Cuarón’s Gravity) left, he pulled a Thanos and decided to do it himself. Roma’s photography has all the marks of a Lubezki/Cuarón joint. He did well. Some of the shots may be a bit much (as one friend asked, why so many dog poop shots?). But the tracking shots are glorious and usually worked well for art. Following the lizard around on a random day, Cleo running along the street, the shot of the men training, the forest on New Year’s Eve… and of course, the aforementioned furniture store and beach sequences.

 I didn’t see Cold War, but it’s fine because Roma will win. Roma does look great, but damn can Cuaron get another trick besides panning ten feet in either direction after the natural conclusion of a scene? Seriously, he does it like every twenty minutes. I guess this is world building? “You see, here’s what’s happening to our characters. And there’s also more stuff happening...slightly to the left.”

 I was very curious about Cold War after it got a best director nomination as well. The cinematography was beautiful too. And it also deals in black-and-white like Roma, and with different camera framing (I’m not technical enough to explain that). It had some great shots too, in particular a shot with a mirror that really impressed me. Of note, Cold War beat Roma in the American Society of Cinematographer Awards.

 A Star is Born had some good camerawork and cool concert shots.

 Great camera framing when the guy pisses himself. You really *feel* the piss.

 The Favourite was worthy of a nomination too, using some unique camera angles and fisheye lens shots that could have been distracting but ended up working really well for the movie. I have not seen Never Look Away, but the trailer looked good.

 Those long hallway shots in The Favourite were superb. Robbie Ryan is a true Yorgite.

 Film Editing: “BlacKkKlansman,” Barry Alexander Brown “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Ottman “Green Book,” Patrick J. Don Vito “The Favourite,” Yorgos Mavropsaridis “Vice,” Hank Corwin

 LOL Bohemian Rhapsody. See the aforementioned link about the bad editing in it. I mean, I guess the montage while they recorded the title track was really fun, but cmon! I also had a lot of fun during some scenes of Venom, and I didn’t see that get a bunch of noms!

 Well maybe it should have! Matt made me watch that clip of the first record exec convo from Bohemian Rhapsody, and it’s so bad it wasn’t until like my third viewing when I realized Matt was trying to point out how poorly edited it was. Seriously, I couldn’t even get past the dialogue: “Queen...is for losers” “Well I’m sold!”

 Vice seems to be a favorite on Gold Derby. The movie was too all over the place for me, and I guess it would win for the most editing, because there are all sorts of jumping around and montages and random things the film does. Bohemian is the next favorite, so I don’t really care for this year’s winner. Maybe this year it SHOULD be on commercial break. Jk.

 I didn’t see Vice, but I agree with Matt that more editing definitely doesn’t equal better editing. I think Billy Walsh would agree that sometimes it’s about the cuts you DON’T make.

 I would vote for The Favourite. It’s crisp and efficient. Green Book’s editing is probably a strong suit too, admittedly. BlacKkKlansman could have been shortened some, but the editing during some of the back-and-forths (I think of the KKK meeting versus the black students’ meeting at the end) was really good.

 I agree* that all three of these films were well-edited. It’s a shame that apparently they have no chance at actually winning this award.

 *I think I’ve already set a record for most times agreeing with Matt in an Oscars post. We’re like one of those old married couples that gradually turn into the same person over the years. Sure it might make for a boring post, but at least we’re RIGHT.

 Director: Spike Lee, “BlacKkKlansman” Pawel Pawlikowski, “Cold War” Yorgos Lanthimos, “The Favourite” Alfonso Cuarón, “Roma” Adam McKay, “Vice”

 Cuarón is the presumptive favorite, and he would be very worthy. He shepherded this project to fruition, he told the story he wanted to tell, and he kicked ass. I’ve heard Spike Lee is a possible surprise here, but I’d rather see him get the Screenplay win. As mentioned, BK is not his strongest work for me, and doesn’t quite compare to Do the Right Thing.

 Finally Matt says something stupid! Okay because BlacKkKlansman wasn’t as good as one of the greatest films of all time, Spike doesn’t deserve a win here? I’m not even saying he should win, but if he doesn’t, it’s not because he made a better movie in 1989.

 Cuaron will probably take home the gold, and it’s well-deserved, as he really put his signature style on every aspect of Roma. It’s obviously an extremely personal project for him, but he never lets it dip too far into “diary” territory, and ultimately allows the audience inside of his perspective instead of forcing us to observe from a distance.

 It’s dope that Pawlikowski got nominated sorta out of left field. He really crafted an interesting, powerful story, and it was creative and unique. Yorgos deserves props for his nomination, managing to combine his style with someone else’s script (first time using a script that wasn’t his!). I’m glad Peter Farrelly didn’t get the nod here, but I wish Cooper had gotten it in over McKay. Vice is not that impressive, but I really dug some of the decisions made in Star.

 This might come as a surprise, but I’m quite happy Yorgos got nominated and would love for him to get the upset victory over dog dookie Cuaron. Shoutout to both guys for being able to direct the hell out of some nudity though.

 Lead Actor: Christian Bale, “Vice” Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born” Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate” Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody” Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book”

 My Cooper support continues! I hope he wins, and it sounds like some people want him to be a surprise upset here. I thought he really built this role up and nailed it. This could have gone poorly. He could have sounded like Russell Crowe in Les Mis, his voice could have been weird, and he might not have been so likable on screen. But he was! He really became Jackson Maine and crafted this interesting, romantic, tragic character. I thought he was terrific.

 *big sigh*

 I agree with Matt again. Cooper was fantastic in playing a could-have-been-thankless role of a guy who does terrible thing after terrible thing, but still needs the audience on his side at the end. His singing was more than serviceable in the movie, as it was mostly done in live concert scenes where him being a little ragged fit the character/moment. Just uhh, don’t pull that shit up on Spotify.

 Rami Malek is the frontrunner here, which surprises me. Again, I don’t like the movie, but I also like Malek. But Malek has impressed me much more in projects like Mr. Robot and The Pacific. Here, I feel like he is doing a solid impersonation, but he’s not blowing me away like DDL in Lincoln. I feel like he was also limited by the weak script/story. I wish he had had more powerhouse scenes and dialogue, but he just didn’t.

 Oh he didn’t blow you like DDL in Lincoln? That might’ve been the greatest biopic performance of all time. “Malek was good, but his acting wasn’t as good as Spike Lee’s directing in the 80s.”

 Not to defend Malek, dude is just up there doin a little bucky beaver impression -- and I like Malek! Shit was limp and lame. IAWM (I agree with Matt) in that the rest of the movie was so bad, Malek was never afforded the opportunity to rise above being a Halloween costume. Still, he did next to nothing, even with scant material.

 Bale obviously made an impressive transformation in weight/look for Vice, and I always am a fan. He was pretty good here, and I’d be fine with a win, but it wasn’t his best work.

 Viggo was good, but part of the problem of the movie is the fact that Viggo was the lead instead of Mahershala, as the film would have benefited more from being through the lens of Shirley’s view, and not Tony Lip’s.

 Yeah, it pisses me off that Viggo (lol never realized how funny of a name that is until I just typed it) is even in this category. Sure he did a fine job playing a racist guy...maybe a little too fine of a job? I’m surprised Liam Neeson wasn’t clamoring for the role of Tony Lip, so he could do a little method acting.

 As for Dafoe… I don’t know anyone who saw this film, and I wasn’t hyped enough to go see it. Hell, the idea of a 60+ year old playing a guy who died at 37 was enough to not get me hyped, even if the makers tried to say he would have looked like Van Gogh because of the circumstances of the times.

 I obviously didn’t see this movie, but wow that is a hell of a paragraph. Are most people hyped by an old man playing a younger man? Actually, I heard that the producers were worried that Dafoe didn’t look old ENOUGH and were going to CGI in Christopher Plummer. Still though, “circumstances of the times?” I know 2019 seems awful, but this is a helpful reminder that the world use to be a literal hellscape.

 I would have liked to see Ethan Hawke here for First Reformed. He carried the movie, he was awesome in it, and it was definitely unlike the normal Hawke performance I’ve seen before.

 Matt, put a backhanded compliment warning there, sheesh. Hawke was fantastic in First Reformed and absolutely deserved a nomination ahead of Viggo, Malek, Fat Bale, and Benjamin Button-ass Dafoe.

 Gosling here would have been good too. Also would have been cool to see an indie lead, whether Lakeith Stanfield in Sorry to Bother You or John Cho in Searching.

 Stanfield and Cho crushed it in their respective roles. Funny story, Cho initially passed on Searching, but the filmmakers basically stole his phone number and hounded him until he agreed to do on the condition that they leave his ass alone afterwards.

 Lead Actress: Yalitza Aparicio, “Roma” Glenn Close, “The Wife” Olivia Colman, “The Favourite” Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born” Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”

 Glenn Close is supposed to win. It’s apparently a lock. This definitely feels like another career honor, since this is her 7th nomination and she hasn’t won. Close is pretty good. The movie is OK and she has a delicate, graceful, but powerful performance here. I mainly just feel like it was the least memorable role here.

 I didn’t see The Wife, but for some reason I’ve got love for Glenn, so I’m happy she’s getting a win.

 Colman wasn’t necessarily the lead of the film, and it was really a three-headed monster (apparently Stone’s character has the most screentime), but she was awesome. She nailed this crazy, sad, bigtime character. I’d pull for her, and I think she has a small chance.

 Colman might’ve had less screen time than Stone, but as the raunchy queen, she commands the audience’s attention much like she commands love from Stone and Weisz. Everything is in service of the queen and Colman puts every ounce of emotion and feeling into a role tightly balanced between needing fealty and needing love.

 Gaga was a contender for a while, and I really liked her and was impressed with her rising to the occasion and taking on this lead role, weaving in her real life story with this fictional character. I think she didn’t always quite hit the acting level of Cooper, but she was close.

 Gaga was good for a rookie, but cmon. She basically had like two expressions the entire movie (dumbstruck and covering half her face/sad and covering half her face).

 I was really into McCarthy’s performance and thought this was a legit good indie film. Small story, really focusing on her character, and she carries it well! The Wife and this are smaller indie stories, but I was more wowed by McCarthy. She handles a sad sack of a character, self-loathing, mischievous, witty. I think she’s a great actress who sometimes ends up in unfortunate movies. This was a good one.

 Shockingly I didn’t see Can You Ever Forgive Me?, but I’m glad McCarthy is getting love. She’s a great actress, but always finds herself in shitty movies.

 I’m so glad Yalitza Aparicio got a nomination! She wasn’t quite as strong to me as Colman or McCarthy, but she has to be good for the film to be good, of course, and she is. I think the technical aspects of the movie outshine her performance in some ways, but she deserves merit.

 Yalitza’s gotta be straight up laughing at all the love for Lady Gaga. Another first time actress, she actually does a great job in the film instead of just getting points because she has hit single songs. The range of emotions on her face when confronted by the nude ninja alone made her worthy of a nomination.

 Who else would I have wanted? Maybe Joanna Kulig for Cold War. She’s a star, and she dances/sings/acts in terrific fashion. Also shoutout to Natalie Portman for Annihilation and Elsie Fisher in Eighth Grade. No one’s gonna remember The Wife in 5 years, but Eighth Grade will stand the test of time.

 Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali, “Green Book” Adam Driver, “BlacKkKlansman” Sam Elliott, “A Star Is Born” Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Sam Rockwell, “Vice”

 Mahershala is expected to win, and he’s really good as Don Shirley, so I’m cool with it. He is such a magnetic actor, and he carries Shirley well. It’s a pretty different type of character from Juan in Moonlight. Juan’s performance leaned in on charisma, masculinity, and tenderness. Shirley is a character reliant on dignity, sophistication, and inner rage. He nails both. He’s really good. For all the faults I have with the making of Green Book, I do really like Mahershala here. It’s pretty wild that he’s about to get his second Oscar, but hey, good for him!

 You mean an actor played two different roles? Wauw.

 Mahershala completely carried Green Book and filled Don Shirley with so much nuance, complexity, and integrity that he himself should’ve gotten nominated for Best Picture. He IS the movie. It’s such a shame his character was relegated to the supporting role because there’s so much awesome internal logic to Dr. Shirley that he’s fascinating to watch and Ali does a great job of bringing all of that to the forefront without having to resort to speechifying his thoughts or emotions.

 I really like Driver and always like his work. He’s a unique, compelling actor in whatever role he’s in. He has more to do in BK than John David Washington’s main character, and he’s not weighed down by the romance story. There’s something really convincing in any role Driver portrays, whether it’s Kylo Ren, Adam in Girls, or his performance in Silence. I thought his performance was pretty key to the BK story.

 Driver definitely brings a fun presence to BlacKkKlansman helping to achieve the delicate tonal balance Spike was looking for. I mean, not as good as the tonal balance JGL brought to Lincoln, but I digress.

 Grant was really wonderful and charming, and he really carries the movie along with McCarthy. Elliott doesn’t have a ton of scenes in A Star is Born, but each scene of his was a highlight for me. His relationship with Cooper is key to the film, and I really dug it. I don’t really see why Rockwell had to get a nom here. He’s not too essential to the film, and he does a good W impersonation, but this just pales in comparison to his role last year in Three Billboards.

 Ha I only skimmed that last paragraph and just furiously googled “Sam Elliott Three Billboards” because I was confused as fock. Yeah that last conversation between Cooper and Elliott was fantastic, and Elliott is great throughout as the older brother who never got quite as much ass as Jackson Maine.

 We couldn’t have thrown a nod here to Michael B. Jordan instead, for his compelling (albeit polarizing) acting job in Black Panther? I also loved Brian Tyree Henry’s character in If Beale Street Could Talk. Similar short screentime to Rockwell, but way more impactful and memorable. Henry’s scenes in Beale Street are some of the best work you’ll see from last year.

 Was that acting job really polarizing? We have a term for people who have negative things to say about Black Panther. They’re called...Vallelongas. Brian Tyree Henry is one of my favorite actors, so I have no doubt that he was great in Beale Street. I do want to shout him and Daniel Kaluuya out for their performances in Widows. For a story about four strong women coming together to wreck some shit, Henry and Kaluuya stole the show. And my heart.

 Also want to shout out my man Beast! Not saying he should win, but his scene to hilarity ratio in The Favourite was easily 1:1. Everything in The Favourite popped, but his presence made it even poppier.

 Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “Vice” Marina de Tavira, “Roma” Regina King, “If Beale Street Could Talk” Emma Stone, “The Favourite” Rachel Weisz, “The Favourite”

 I really like Regina King, and she’s pretty good in Beale Street, but I’m sorta surprised that she became the consensus pick. She doesn’t quite have as memorable a performance for me as Mahershala’s or say, Brian Tyree Henry in the same film. She’s a great actress, but there’s not a ton for her to do, and I didn’t leave that film being like WOW, that character!

 Stone and Weisz seem to negate each other, unfortunately. They are both terrific. I didn’t love Stone in La La Land but she’s really fun and vicious here. Weisz is great too and has a lot of fun. I would probably give the edge to Weisz, but I’d strongly praise either performance.

 Weisz was amazing as Sarah Churchill. She is definitely the centerpiece of the film, and does a wonderful job providing an axis for all the wild shit that goes down. What really elevates her performance is that she doesn’t fall into the trap of merely being the straight woman (no pun intended, seriously), and still imbues her character with loads of cunning, fire, and personality.

 Stone was great as well, and I’ll say I didn’t enjoy her in La La Land either, but that’s mostly because I was watching La La Land at the time.

 Amy Adams is awesome in general and good in Vice. Marina de Tavira is really good in Roma, and her nomination was a nice surprise too. Her character as the mother is really pivotal to the story, and I thought she was good at being overall likable even while sometimes being harsh.

 De Tavira gives a great performance in a role that would’ve been easy to gloss over if played by another actress. She never allowed herself to become a background character or only appear as Cleo’s boss. Her story is just as dynamic and heart-rending as Cleo’s, and with less attention given to it, only a great performance would give it the weight it needed and de Tavira absolutely delivered.

 Original Screenplay: “The Favourite,” Deborah Davis, Tony McNamara “First Reformed,” Paul Schrader “Green Book,” Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, Peter Farrelly “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “Vice,” Adam McKay

 The Favourite seems to be… the favourite for this category.

 Nice.

 It’s a fun, witty script based on historical events (and it seemed to do a decent enough job being similar enough to real life!). Updating a story for the modern times in film format is no easy feat, and I really enjoyed this story.

 Like I mentioned earlier, The Favourite does a great job of drawing just enough historical context while still keeping things fresh and honest, without making the story feel bastardized.

 This is Paul Schrader’s first nomination, which is pretty crazy when he’s had films like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. First Reformed has a unique, fascinating, compelling premise and story arc. It does remind me a good bit of Taxi Driver in some ways but is its own story too.

 Really happy First Reformed got a little love. In a time when we’re getting nothing but remakes and sequels, a truly original story is always welcome.

 I don’t want Green Book to win. As mentioned, this shit wasn’t vetted by Shirley’s family, which seems kind of important! And it’s a bit cheesy throughout. Technically speaking, it seems like the directing/editing would be better than the writing here. Vice… that story was so all over the place. McKay’s script for Big Short was way crisper and stronger. Roma is a great film, but I don’t put its screenplay up as strongly as its other technical achievements. Eighth Grade should have been nominated here and been a contender. It won at the Writers Guilds Awards (Bo’s speech is really funny too), and Bo Burnham made a brutally vulnerable, honest story about adolescence and technology.

 I usually make a joke here about how movies based on actual events should be in the Adapted Screenplay category (since they’re adapted from real life!), but I guess Nick Vallelonga really took that to heart because he basically removed any shred of reality from Green Book. May as well give Bohemian Rhapsody a nod here too lol

 Adapted Screenplay: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Joel Coen , Ethan Coen “BlacKkKlansman,” Charlie Wachtel, David Rabinowitz, Kevin Willmott, Spike Lee “Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Barry Jenkins “A Star Is Born,” Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, Will Fetters

 The rules for adapted are always funny. A Star is Born is based on three previous versions, and Buster Scruggs apparently has some adapted short stories but other completely original short stories. Weird. I wouldn’t feel too strongly about Star’s screenplay since I feel like the quality in its update is more in the acting and music, versus the writing. Buster Scruggs was a mixed bag for me, with some awesome and some meh stories.

 Bro, which stories were meh? Name names! There wasn’t a bad one in the damn bunch.

 BK seems to be in the lead, which would be a cool win for Spike Lee (he previously received an honorary Oscar). Apparently the movie changed a lot, which I imagine was positive for movie action/plot intrigue. I feel like whatever the screenplay did with the romance didn’t really play, but I’m not really sure what else I would push alternatively.

 Matt is really hating on the romance angle in BlacKkKlansman. I’ll be honest, I barely remember that aspect of the movie, so the hate is probably warranted.

 Beale Street was a worthy effort, but I felt like the narrative was all over the place and wonder if Jenkins could have done a better job conveying the story in movie form. I don’t think it was an easy book to adapt, as I’ve heard with Baldwin fiction, but the product in the end doesn’t measure up to BK. As for Can You Ever Forgive Me?, I thought it was a stellar story, and also apparently people don’t think the original memoir itself was very good, so I guess it gets points for that!

 Go ahead and give Jenkins the win to make up for that L* L* L*nd/Moonlight mix up back in 2017.

 Best Documentary Feature: “Free Solo,” Jimmy Chin, Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi “Hale County This Morning, This Evening,” RaMell Ross “Minding the Gap,” Bing Liu “Of Fathers and Sons,” Talal Derki “RBG,” Betsy West, Julie Cohen

 I’m not a big documentary guy, but they have gotten more popular (Won’t You Be Me Neighbor, Three Identical Strangers, Free Solo, and RBG all were box office documentary hits this year), and I’ve ended up checking a few more out. Won’t You Be My Neighbor was one of the most noted snubs when nominations came out, and it’s a shame it didn’t get nominated. It was beloved and had a notable cultural effect last summer, and I thought it was terrific and charming. I didn’t see Three Identical Strangers yet, but I’ve heard it considered to be a snub too, which Alex can elaborate on.

 Shit I had this whole paragraph written up about Mr. Rogers, but Matt just reminded me that it didn’t get nominated. Basically the punchline was that I watched it with my parents and they just clowned Fred the whole time, which I think explains a lot.

 Three Identical Strangers was great, but apparently I’m the only person who either didn’t know about the second twist or didn’t think it was that shocking/big of a deal. I gotta say, capitalizing on your 15 minutes of fame by opening a celebrity restaurant in New York City is probably the most 1988 thing ever.

 Also, no love for the Pope Francis doc? Guess I’ll see the Academy in hell...as I look down from Heaven!

 The betting odds seem split between Free Solo and RBG, with Solo slightly ahead. I am all about Free Solo, and I hope it wins. It’s an incredible, fascinating story. Is this guy insane for making this climb? How do we feel about him with his girlfriend? How do we feel about his girlfriend with him? How do we feel about the documentary crew filming him? Are they enabling him? Deterring him? These are really interesting dynamics throughout the story. It’s helpful that everyone involved in the story is inherently likable, and they are wondering about these same dynamics. Also, although I think most people know the fate of Alex Honnold’s climb before watching, the feat is so extraordinary and ridiculous that you will still be stressed out, nervous, and fascinated watching it.

 The climbing footage is awe-inspiring. The filmmakers do a great job explaining the audacity and absurdity of the climb so that the average viewer can understand what’s going on. This is such a good documentary.

 RBG the person is awesome, and I’m a big fan. But RBG the documentary is just… good? I feel like voters must have been split between this at Won’t You Be My Neighbor, and it’s hard not to compare the two, since they came out around the same time and are both about revered figures. WYBMN has really good editing and panache, and an inherent charm in talking about Mr. Rodgers’ legacy and his past. RBG feels more by-the-numbers and with less impressive editing and focus. It felt a bit short and all-over-the-place. I could have used more time on her advocacy versus her time exercising or becoming a cultural meme.

 WYBMN also benefited from having tons of footage from the TV shows. RBG by comparison doesn’t have as much old footage, and with RBG alive, they do a lot more interviewing her or following her around. It’s an interesting glimpse, but doesn’t work quite as well for me. It’s a good film, and I enjoyed getting more of a look into RBG’s life. But I don’t want it to win.

 Minding the Gap is the other film I saw out of this batch, and it had caught my eye after being on a few critics’ best movies lists at the end of 2018. It’s on Hulu, and it definitely wouldn’t become a box office hit. It has an indie vibe for sure, as Bing Liu, a young filmmaker, follows two friends as they grow from teenagers to young adults, along with examining his own life. The film delves deeply into masculinity, physical abuse from childhood, and identity in the Midwest. It really builds and gets stronger and stronger towards the end. There are some deep emotions that this film can evoke in the viewer, and I really felt for the story by the end. Also, a bonus is that the footage of them skateboarding is really beautiful and whimsical.

 Best Foreign Language Film: “Capernaum” (Lebanon) “Cold War” (Poland) “Never Look Away” (Germany) “Roma” (Mexico) “Shoplifters” (Japan)

 Roma is the clear favorite here. I almost wish that if Roma was definitely getting best picture, they could just retract its nomination here so someone else could win!

 Ha that’s actually not a bad idea. These other flicks don’t stand a chance when Roma is going toe-to-toe with the entire field of movies.

 I really liked Cold War and Shoplifters. I didn’t get a chance to see Capernaum or Never Look Away. Never Look Away seemed to have mixed reviews, which makes me wish that Burning (South Korea! Steven Yeun!) got the nom instead. While in the lobby post-Cold War, my friend and I saw a bunch of people left Capernaum in tears, so… that seems like it must have been good and sad?

 Bro, people were crying because it SUCKED. Jk, I’m sure it’s wonderful. Also, has a foreign language film ever been nominated that wasn’t a totally depressing tearjerker? Do countries besides the U.S. and France make comedies? I know there isn’t much to laugh about in Turkmenistan or wherever, but I’m just asking.

 Cold War is by the previous winner of Ida, another excellent black-and-white film. While Ida was smaller scale in time, Cold War spans a romance of two musicians over some years. It similarly tackles the repercussions of WWII and the titled Cold War on Poland. The two main characters are really captivating and dynamic to watch. The music portrayed is super fun. The challenges of the times are fascinating. My one gripe is that the film felt a bit weirdly paced at times, partly because it was covering a multitude of years, and the characters’ decisions were sometimes a bit too dubious for me.

 I really dug Shoplifters too. It’s a lovely, beautiful film that ponders what a family is. The characters aren’t conventional good guys, mistakes are made, and these characters try to keep their version of a family together. Sometimes the movie is beautiful and optimistic, sometimes it’s sad and heartbreaking. I also liked how the movie was intentionally confusing about some details, to add to the storytelling aspect.

 Animated Feature: “Incredibles 2,” Brad Bird “Isle of Dogs,” Wes Anderson “Mirai,” Mamoru Hosoda “Ralph Breaks the Internet,” Rich Moore, Phil Johnston “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

 SPIDER-VERSE. All the way. That movie could have gone poorly. There is definitely a lot of Spider-man content out in the world in recent years, and the movie worked by both leaning into that and truly creating its own story to stand on. Miles Morales was an awesome main character. Peter Parker was a great side character (that was definitely a risk in storytelling). Miles’ family characters were well-portrayed (shoutout Brian Tyree Henry and Mahershala Ali, AGAIN. Those dudes kill it).

 Spider-Verse might be my favorite movie of the YEAR. #2 this decade behind Moonlight and all of the X-Men films. Everything about this movie is fantastic. The characters are well-drawn (emotionally and literally), the stories are engaging, and the humor, while appropriate for all ages, doesn’t include any lame juvenile shit (unlike this blog post). Folks (myself) were legit getting emotional in the theater. Looked like a screening of Capernaum in there.

 The animation was awesome. It was new and unique, making the movie feel like a comic book come to life. I think the movie had a poor box office opening because of market saturation, but it ended up grossing a respectable amount based on word of mouth and audience reception. Good! Can’t wait to see what’s next.

 I’d literally never seen anything like Spider-Verse. The animation was crazy dynamic, constantly shifting between more realistic and more cartoony depending on what the situation called for. Everything about this movie from the animation, to the music, to the voices is completely fresh and inspired.

 The Incredibles 2 seemed to take the box office by storm, and by the time I saw it a month or so later, I was a bit let down. The movie is a bit unsatisfying in originality after so many years. It’s still good! I had a lot of fun, and some of the action sequences were pretty exciting. It’s just not as good as Pixar’s best or the first Incredibles.

 No desire to see Incredibles 2. Incredibles 1 is massively overrated and all anyone wanted to talk about from part 2 is how hot the mom was. I’m good, homie.

 Isle of Dogs was really fun and charming. It was a solid Wes Anderson joint. I do wish it had more agency for some of the Asian characters, and it’s still sorta funny to me that Wes just kinda dropped in with his crew + one Asian writer for the script. But yeah, it was a really fun movie. I haven’t seen Ralph since I hadn’t gotten to the first one yet. Mirai looks like my kind of jam, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Spiderverse all the way.

 Isle of Dogs is racist as hell! Why will no one talk about it??? I feel like I’m going INSANE

 Original Song: “All The Stars” from “Black Panther” by Kendrick Lamar, SZA “I’ll Fight” from “RBG” by Diane Warren, Jennifer Hudson “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from “Mary Poppins Returns” by Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born” by Lady Gaga, Mark Ronson, Anthony Rossomando, Andrew Wyatt and Benjamin Rice “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” by David Rawlings and Gillian Welch

 Shallow is such a heavyweight here. That song is the classic from a soundtrack of lots of good songs. It’s perfect for their relationship in the story, and it’s the best scene in the film when she comes onstage to sing it. I hope they crush it live on stage. Get it, Bradley!

 Would’ve loved for “Why Did You Do That?” to get an ironic nomination here. Man that song was ass. “Shallow” is a good song and plays an important role in the movie, so I’m not upset at all if it wins, but yo that part where they’re just like “Sha-la-la-la-la-low” is weak as hell. Should’ve ponied up for Jason Isbell to get the late checkout time, maybe he could’ve done something there.

 Hot take: “When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings” is a MUCH better song.

 Man, the Mary Poppins’ new songs were pretty disappointing. Maybe they should have gotten Lin involved in the writing. The Buster Scruggs song is pretty goofy and funny, and All the Stars is a fun anthem.

 All the Stars is a fresh track, I wouldn’t be mad at it pulling an upset.

 Original Score: “BlacKkKlansman,” Terence Blanchard “Black Panther,” Ludwig Goransson “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Nicholas Britell “Isle of Dogs,” Alexandre Desplat “Mary Poppins Returns,” Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman

 Feels like First Man got snubbed here bigtime. That score was really good, and it seemed like a favorite before nominations came out. I’d root for Brittell’s score. His work was beautiful in this (and in Moonlight), so a win would be cool. I generally like Desplat’s whimsy, but I don’t remember much about the score here. Black Panther’s was cool, though I feel like it was more about the songs on the soundtrack versus Ludwig’s score. Ludwig is the man though. I wouldn’t hate him getting it.

 Good point about Black Panther’s strength lying in its songs instead of the soundtrack. Really disappointed in Sicario 2 overall, but especially in its score. Sicario 1 had the hottest score of the year when it dropped, but much like everything else about Sicario 2, it didn’t deliver.

 Sound Editing: “Black Panther,” Benjamin A. Burtt, Steve Boeddeker “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Warhurst “First Man,” Ai-Ling Lee, Mildred Iatrou Morgan “A Quiet Place,” Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl “Roma,” Sergio Diaz, Skip Lievsay

 Sound Mixing: “Black Panther” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “First Man” “Roma” “A Star Is Born”

 This confuses me every year. Here’s a good article for the differences. Basically, sound editing awards effects (think, creating gunfire/explosion noise for a war/action movie). while  sound mixing awards the soundscape/all the sounds mixed together.

 So with that in mind… these categories seem to have less predictable winners, and I see that the sound editing leaders are currently First Man and A Quiet Place. I’d give props to First Man here, for doing work with the space exploration. A Quiet Place is interesting since it had to use its sound so effectively and specifically.

 How you gonna award A Quiet Place for its SOUND? Smh

 As for sound mixing, I really dug watching Roma in theaters. You could hear sounds, birds chirping, and it felt like you were on the street in the neighborhood of Roma.

 It’s almost like you can really *hear* the dogshit squishing between the kids’ toes on the pavement.

 Now, it appears that Gold Derby leans towards three options: A Star is Born, First Man, or Bohemian Rhapsody. I feel like BR relied a lot on pre-done recordings unrelated to filming, so I’m not sure about that one (though I suppose that’s the point of sound mixing, I dunno… look, I just don’t want it to win -- lmao same bro). A Star is Born had to deal with live music! It’s way more worthy.

 Visual Effects: “Avengers: Infinity War” “Christopher Robin” “First Man” “Ready Player One” “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

 This is easily Infinity War. Relying on Thanos as a main character meant a ton of work, and if you remember his cameos in Guardians or the Avengers post-credits, you know that he looked better here and much more fully realized. He was a mammoth, a threat, and the visual portrayal was well done. His fight against Hulk, his fight against Doctor Strange, some awesome FX. Having to weave in tons of comic characters was no easy feat too, with Falcon and War Machine fighting in the sky while Groot, Rocket, and Cap are on the ground against those bad guys.

 Avengers all the way. Having a lame-looking Thanos would’ve nuked the whole movie (people are STILL talking about Superman’s CGI shave), but they knocked it out of the park. Infinity War had to be a huge undertaking, as it’s a million superheroes pulling out all the stops for like 6 hours. Kinda surprised Black Panther didn’t get any love here for similar reasons.

 Ready Player One had a lot of fun effects too. It had to rely a lot on video game storytelling, and the adventure of it was pretty fun and well-done. Solo was fine.

 I honestly had to ruminate for like five minutes to remember if I saw Solo or not. I think “fine” is the most accurate possible description of any aspect of Solo.

 First Man was quality. I dug their comments on how there is no way they could have faked the moon landing considering how hard it is now to even try to demonstrate that in a fictional film.

 That’s what they want you to think, sheeple!!!

 Christopher Robin? Wasn’t that bear real?? What are you trying to say???

 Realest bear since the one that took Leo’s ass in The Revenant.

 Production Design: “Black Panther,” Hannah Beachler “First Man,” Nathan Crowley, Kathy Lucas “The Favourite,” Fiona Crombie, Alice Felton “Mary Poppins Returns,” John Myhre, Gordon Sim “Roma,” Eugenio Caballero, Bárbara Enrı́quez

 Costume Design: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Mary Zophres “Black Panther,” Ruth E. Carter “The Favourite,” Sandy Powell “Mary Poppins Returns,” Sandy Powell “Mary Queen of Scots,” Alexandra Byrne

 Black Panther was sick. Weaving in futuristic elements with African culture. The sets were wild. The costumes were fantastic. The Favourite did a good job doing the royal vibe too. The NASA production that they had to recreate in First Man made it feel really authentic. Same for Roma. Lots of good stuff here.

 Agreed on Black Panther for all the reasons Matt mentions, but I think you gotta go with The Favourite here. Those people looked like they STUNK. Just fucking gross all the way around -- and it was PERFECT.

 The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and Roma had great design as well. As an anthology, Buster Scruggs had the added degree of difficulty of making sure every story appeared distinct enough while maintaining the overall look and feel of the movie.

 Makeup and Hair: “Border” “Mary Queen of Scots” “Vice”

 I mean, you saw Christian Bale as Dick Cheney. Lock this up.

 Clink-clink!

 Animated Short: “Animal Behaviour,” Alison Snowden, David Fine “Bao,” Domee Shi “Late Afternoon,” Louise Bagnall “One Small Step,” Andrew Chesworth, Bobby Pontillas “Weekends,” Trevor Jimenez

 “Weekends” by Trevor Jimenez sounds like a banger of an R&B album.

 Best Documentary Short Subject: “Black Sheep,” Ed Perkins “End Game,” Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman “Lifeboat,” Skye Fitzgerald “A Night at the Garden,” Marshall Curry “Period. End of Sentence.,” Rayka Zehtabchi

 Best Live Action Short Film: “Detainment,” Vincent Lambe “Fauve,” Jeremy Comte “Marguerite,” Marianne Farley “Mother,” Rodrigo Sorogoyen “Skin,” Guy Nattiv

 Bao was a fun, sweet short that had some nice Asian representation… that’s all I got.

 I’ll be watching the documentary shorts the night before the Oscars, but wanted to get this post up before then, so if you want my thoughts on those nominees, holla at ya boy.

 As for everything else? I probably agree with Matt.

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2018 Edition!

We are BACK. And earlier than ever (I don’t know if that’s true, but compared to last year) with the 6th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides eye-opening, awe-inspiring commentary while Alex stumbles in, rambling about how Deadpool deserves all the Oscars even though it came out two years ago. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

 Best Picture: “Call Me by Your Name” “Darkest Hour” “Dunkirk” “Get Out” “Lady Bird” “Phantom Thread” “The Post” “The Shape of Water” “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

 It’s been an unconventional year for nominees. The Shape of Water and Three Billboards are surprising leading contenders, as both are divisive. A lot of my friends loved one and disliked the other. I’m pro-Shape and anti-Billboards.

 So unconventional. For me, the movies fall into two distinct tiers: Get Out and Not Get Out. We need more nuance than that? Okay, here’s how it breaks down:

Simply the best: Get Out Some level of greatness: Lady Bird, The Shape of Water, Phantom Thread Good, but not great: Call Me by Your Name, Dunkirk Shitty, yet inoffensive: The Post Makes Crash look like Do the Right Thing: Three Billboards (I’m not typing out the whole title)

I didn’t see Darkest Hour. In fact, I just learned that it’s not called “The Darkest Hours.” Faithful TND readers will know that I appreciate some economy when it comes to naming shit, but if I wanted to see a great Churchill impression, I’d just watch old YouTube clips of Jay Pharoah.

 The Shape of Water is a really beautiful film. The lead characters are all really memorable, and the look of the film had me in awe at different moments. The filmmaking and storytelling took a premise that was almost predictable and majorly elevated it. I preferred Shape of Water to Del Toro’s previous major-nominated film, Pan’s Labyrinth. Shape of Water is probably my third favorite film of the nominees, behind Get Out and Lady Bird.

 Yooooooo she fucked a fish! More than once! I loved how everyone was so nonchalant about it too. Like, when she first sees the fish, she IMMEDIATELY starts seducing it. When Octavia Spencer hears about it, instead of being horrified, she’s all “ayo, how’s his dick work?” I’m not even exaggerating.

The movie was a bit off-putting at first, but once you realize it’s more of a fairy tale than a grounded, sci-fi film, the wacky elements really come together to tell a nice little story. Watching this, I was like “damn, why does Matt love this movie so much?” Then I saw the fish doin a little Broadway shuffle in black and white. “All. The pieces. Fit.” - Lester Freamon

Also, those pies looked disgusting. I’m glad it turned out they were supposed to be gross, because I was seriously doubting my ability to judge a pie for a minute there.

 Get Out is basically a perfect story. I’ve seen it twice and the second time helped to reinforce that. The story is so clever, the references and nuances so plentiful, the genre-bending and mix of humor and horror so well-played. The race elements are incredible - every element of a black boyfriend meeting his white girlfriend’s family are played perfectly. Every line that hints at the underlying horror of this super-white community play as both funny and horrifying satire. There are so many layers included in the lines about black male stereotypes of virility and athletic ability.

 Get Out is super fun too. Lil Rel Howery has an amazing role - that dude cracked me up. Daniel Kaluuya handles his role really well, and Allison Williams does a good job leaning into her Girls role. And Bradley Whitford… nothing like TWO obnoxious white guy performances (douchey board member in The Post) to offset his West Wing persona.

 It won’t win (the Academy hates ball-jiggling), but Get Out is the best film of 2017, assuming Deadpool really came out in 2016. Like Matt said, it’s equal parts hilarious and horrifying, while still getting its point across in a way that feels natural and never forced. Get Out holds up on a re-watch as well. If anything, it’s a totally different experience, as so much of what you see/what is said takes on a new meaning.

 Lady Bird is near perfect too. While I love Moonlight, Get Out and Lady Bird are both films that are a lot more enjoyable for me to rewatch and enjoy the depths of. They are also both not Oscar-conventional films, which unfortunately leads them not to have much of a shot at winning Best Picture. A shame, considering both were basically the best reviewed of 2017.

 Lady Bird is a great film. I loathe coming-of-age movies, but Lady Bird manages to keep things realistic and for the most part avoids caricatures, tropes, and plot beats common to the genre. As someone who went to Catholic high school, I was prepared for the hackiest of jokes, but aside from the awful “abortion assembly” scene (which was still necessary to move the plot forward), I wasn’t even mad.

HAVING SAID THAT, it’s no Get Out and it’s certainly no Moonlight. No shit it’s easier to re-watch. Let’s Be Cops is easier to re-watch than Moonlight too, but does that mean it’s better? No! Lady Bird tells a small story and tells it well, but it’s not a life-spanning epic where a boy, a teen, and a man who looks like 50 Cent discover truths about themselves, the people in their lives, and their environments in a beautiful, heart-rending way.

 You’d think Lady Bird would be another Juno (and I love Juno!), but it is less cute and better written. And better acted too… Saiorse Ronan’s acting goes way beyond Ellen Page’s. Lady Bird, like Get Out, has no wasted scenes. Callback lines at a plethora. A perfect grasp of its era (2002-2003 school year) that definitely connected for a 2005 high school graduate like myself. The brilliance of Lady Bird is that it takes all its characters seriously while being a really funny movie, such as the nun/Lady Bird’s advisor who isn’t played for a stereotype. Lady Bird’s various love interests and friends are well-acted, full personalities. I think about the cool girl she gets to know, who could have just been treated as a bimbo, but definitely isn’t treated as such.

 I did think this was going to be another Juno. Not that I’ve seen Juno, but man that movie looked awful.

 Lady Bird is a confident story. It’ll make you laugh, knowing that in like 10 seconds you’ll want to cry and feel emotional.

 Matt cried several times.

 The acting is all great… Saiorse is a star, and Laurie Metcalf is awesome as her mom. Supporting characters all crush it, whether her brother, brother’s girlfriend, her lovable dad, or her classmates.

 Let’s contrast that with Three Billboards. Three Billboards is the third film of longtime playwright Martin McDonagh. I love his first film, In Bruges. McDonagh makes films that are dark, dark comedies. While this worked well with In Bruges, I found that Billboards was far too jarring tonally and too ambitious for its own good.

 Let’s call Three Billboards what it is: a steaming pile of crap. This was the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time -- and I’ve seen All the Money in the World! And La La Land!

The movie Matt lovingly referred to as “Three Shitstains” was starting to get some backlash for the tone-deaf way it took on race in America, but that was only like, the fifth worst thing about it. The tone was terrible. It wasn’t a “dark comedy,” but a bunch of dark shit with some awful slapstick thrown in the mix. At least the Three Stooges have DIGNITY.

 The acting is great, and Billboards has gotten many acting nominations as a result.

 This movie was so poorly written, I can’t even tell if the acting was good. It wasn’t enough for Rockwell to be a typical racist, angry, small town momma’s boy; he had to be Forrest Gump on top of that. McDormand was written as this tough-as-nails badass, but that’s not who she was at all. The billboards were pathetic, not some masterstroke. Woody lets the air out of that shit five minutes into the movie when he reveals that they legit worked on the case and nothing turned up. The rest of the characters were so 2-D they wouldn’t have passed muster in The Lego Movie (more on that later).

 The movie is far too uneven. It’s possibly the least rewatchable Best Picture movie as a result, though I do wonder if a second viewing will go better.

 It won’t.

 Billboards is about a mother whose daughter was raped and murdered, angry that the local police haven’t found the killer yet, leading her to call out the police chief in the titular billboards. Within the story, we have a temperamental, racist cop played by Rockwell, who the police chief thinks can become a better person. We have themes of race and violence. We have an abusive ex-husband. And we have clashing tones that don’t work, almost saved by excellent acting. Almost.

 (It wasn’t that close.)

 In Bruges had themes about depression and acts of violence that were really well thought out, where the character’s darkness was respected while there were still hilarious scenes throughout. Three Billboards bites off more than it can chew with the racist, violent cop (who, before the movie’s story takes place, was infamous for torturing a black guy in the jail), attempting a redemption arc that fails to satisfy. In the end, I felt like I just had to accept that the movie was treating his arc as redemption and ignoring several unforgivable things he did that weren’t given the full  attention they deserved. It gave me flashbacks to the racist white cop story in Crash. Can redemption work? Yes. Can it work if you write your story poorly? Nah dawg.

 Billboards gets too cute with its humor clashing with violence… I think of a scene of spousal abuse cutting to a joke mid-scene. It is also unclear and lacking in confidence on how much we’re supposed to like or dislike the main characters - I could not tell if McDonagh wanted us to like or dislike Frances McDormand’s motives or tell-off speeches in various scenes. And the movie is worse for it.

 This is the ultimate “fake deep” movie. It’s got bullshit posing as poignancy with enough stupidity thrown in (McDormand kicking kids in the crotch, midget jokes) so dumbasses can latch onto it to feel smart.

 Lastly, a common note I’ve seen is how McDonagh, who has lived in Ireland/England most of his life, wrote this script in 2010, prior to the Black Lives Matter movement, prior to Ferguson/Trayvon Martin. And.. it definitely shows in the script.

 Beyond that, McDonagh wants to show us “real” America, but nothing about the movie is remotely realistic or has even the faintest whiff of consequence.

 One more gripe: Woody Harrelson’s character’s wife is played by an Australian actress who seems just to be a casting favorite of McDonagh’s. And she keeps her Australian accent… despite being the wife of a police chief in rural Missouri. What? How does that make sense?

 It doesn’t.

They should’ve gotten the bear from Paddington 2 to play Chief Willoughby, if only because we’d get the line “You got a real nice cock, Mr. Paddington.”

 After my top tier of Get Out, Lady Bird, and The Shape of Water, I dug Phantom Thread, Dunkirk, and Call Me By Your Name next.

 I’d bump Phantom Thread up into that top tier, but I ain’t mad. (I’m a little mad).

 Phantom Thread surprised me. It didn’t have much buzz because it was released late, and the trailer didn’t really intrigue me. I shouldn’t have second-guessed Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Thomas Anderson. Phantom Thread is well-acted (anchored by three great performances), and PTA is a master of filmmaking. This film is darkly comical at times (and in that weird PTA way where most of the audience I was with did not get that aspect), and it is delightful. DDL… what a legend.

 Every time I think about Phantom Thread I like it more. Shit is HILARIOUS. Once you realize it’s a rom-com with some fancy trappings, it gets a lot more enjoyable. Some of the most biting insults of the year are in here, and if you’ve never seen someone use asparagus to humiliate their significant other, you owe it to yourself to watch Phantom Thread.

I was in a theater with two other people, one of whom looked borderline homeless, so he might’ve just been there to chill. Still, I was the only one cracking up, which made me feel alone, but smart.

Personal note: When I saw Phantom Thread, I was initially at the theater to see The Post, but the projector broke. Now my MoviePass history has The Post listed twice and Phantom Thread not at all, which is completely inaccurate. I just want this known, so if I die or something and my MoviePass app gets made public, please don’t think I liked The Post that much (or at all). PLEASE BELIEVE ME

 Dunkirk was breathtaking in IMAX and a “big” film marvel. It looks incredible, and the action is spectacular, intense, and visceral. Of course, Nolan puts a twist on the storytelling with his structure, and it makes the plot super dramatic and unique. I thought it was a really fun, intense movie, but it loses points for being less memorable afterward. The characters aren’t as impactful (though well-acted), and this is lower in my Nolan films (TDK, Inception, Memento, Batman Begins, Interstellar, and then let’s start considering Dunkirk).

After sifting through indie flicks like Call Me Maybe by Your Name, Lady Bird, and Three Billboards, you really start to appreciate Hollywood production values. Dunkirk looks fantastic. The wide shots, the desolation of the beach, the aerial shots with the ocean in the background -- all beautiful.

 Beyond the visuals, each individual scene contains great tension, as the soldiers are put into scenario after scenario of terror. However, when you start to stack those scenes up, the larger story never really comes together.

 Spoilers

 The story of Dunkirk is basically “We can’t get out! Oh wait...we can get out now.” The actual rescue scenes are so easily done that it kind of undercuts much of the drama preceding it. Also, my man Georgie...what are you even doing??? His is the most pathetic on-screen death in recent memory. Even the soldiers are mocking him! Had to re-watch The Killing of a Sacred Deer just to get the taste of laughter out of my mouth.

 Spoilers over

 Call Me By Your Name was anchored by a great romance story and a beautiful atmosphere. I wanted to live in that Italian town and eat dinners and read by the lake. The Sufjan songs are typically excellent, and really fit the tone of the movie. Timothée Chalamet as Elio anchors the film, and he nails it as an adolescent teen trying to sort out his sexuality. Armie Hammer is good too, and Michael Stuhlbarg is wonderful as Elio’s compassionate father.

 Big year for people fucking fruit in the movies! When dude starts fingering that peach I’m like “this is kinda sexual…” Little did I know, right? Decent crowd in the theater and only one other person laughed at this and when Elio puts Oliver’s stanky-ass swimming trunks on his head like a horny Dumbo.

Disappointed in myself because I enjoyed a Sufjan Stevens song. “Visions of Gideon” is a certified banger. I was jamming out over the ending credits when it slowly dawned on me that I was listening to Sufjan. Cried myself to sleep that night.

Feels weird to say, but this movie needed to show pipe. How you gonna have a movie about a dude discovering his sexuality with another dude and cut away to a tree branch when they finally do the dew? What a cop-out! Matt helpfully reminded me that they can’t show hard D without getting an NC-17 rating, but still. There were enough shots of them peeing, etc to where we could’ve gotten a peek. The hypocrisy was on full display during the one male/female sex scene when of course they show the tittays.

 Last we have The Post and Darkest Hour, which are in my last tier with Three Billboards. Both are solid flicks that I’m cool with getting Best Picture nominations, though I would have preferred seeing Mudbound or The Florida Project get some love here (I, Tonya was also good, but I’m fine with it not making it).

 I, Tonya was far better than The Post and Three Billboards (I avoided seeing Dankest Hour in favor of getting a head start on the 2019 Oscar post). Also, I wanna give some love to Detroit! It came out forever ago to no fanfare, but it’s a great flick that everyone should see. Brutal, heartbreaking, poignant, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s times.

 The Post has two main stories, and I much preferred the story of these reporters looking for the Pentagon Papers and researching/writing things vs the Kay Graham story. While I think that Kay Graham was a legend who held a great influence throughout her career, I’m not sure how deftly her story was handled. The Post feels like if someone chose to do a movie telling the story of SNL in the mid-2000s and the movie focused on 1. The cast working to satirize George W. Bush and other political figures and 2. A subplot where women kept approaching Tina Fey to tell her how brave she was for becoming the first female headwriter of the show. Throwing two separate stories like that together? Not a great combo.

 You might say it’s “the Cyclops of white movies.”

 Also, The Post chooses to play up Kay’s story in ways that I didn’t enjoy. Spielberg made this film quickly and wanted it out by the end of 2017 because of the current political atmosphere, and the script overplays it. I didn’t need the movie emphasizing her influence on women as much as it did. (Spoilers: scenes like the government counsel’s staffer recognizing her and commending her at SCOTUS, or her being ignored by the press while leaving, as a crowd of women fawn over her walking by).

 The Post takes some fascinating source material and tells it in the boringest way possible. Kay Graham’s involvement in this seriously the least interesting thing about it. Literally anything else would’ve made a better movie: them writing the Pentagon Papers, them acquiring the papers, the Post vs. the Times, writing the stories, the ensuing legal battle/victory. Who gives a shit about some wrinkly old white woman suddenly deciding to grow a spine?

Unfortunately, this was the ONLY thing Spielberg cared about. The rest of the film was embarrassingly low-quality. That war scene in the beginning? Shit looked like something out of a sitcom flashback. Tom Hanks’ character was insufferable and his Tim-Allen-as-Batman accent did not help. I think they got the protest rally shots from an old That 70s Show B-roll. The trifecta of Tom Hanks’ wife literally having to state the thesis of the movie (“It’s hard being a woman!”), a young woman of color getting chewed out by her old, white boss (like we didn’t just spend two hours watching Hanks say way worse things to his staff), and Meryl’s “angel from Heaven” descent down the courthouse steps was awful. Also Carrie Coon announcing the court decision only to get interrupted by some fat white guy we’ve never seen before was the final bizarre decision in a movie full of them.

 The Post felt like a pretty safe Oscar film that had some good parts and some mixed parts. It had some on-the-nose scenes and some inexplicable scenes. It also had one of the cornier last scenes that I’ve seen in recent years…

 Darkest Hour is similar. Solid, safe film with flaws. Oldman is awesome as Winston Churchill, and the political behind-the-scenes leading up to and during Dunkirk are really intriguing. And that’s most of the film, so it works really well. The film fails to have many good supporting characters, such as Lily James in a thankless role as Churchill’s assistant, being given plot/backstory whenever it’s relevant to Churchill’s storyline. The movie also suffers from some meandering towards the end.

 Darkest Hour? Gary Old Man? Yeah, I’m good.

 I really enjoyed Mudbound, which may have lost some buzz by being a Netflix film. Netflix has gotta work on that. It’s still not a pitch-perfect film with some boring parts in the first half, but man, that last quarter of the film really hits hard. Meanwhile, The Florida Project aimed higher and had higher highs (how many times can I write high (CAN WE GET MUCH HIGHER)). Though it struggles when there were too many scenes of the kids playing around, the themes and its unique subject matter are so, so good. Its creativity and boldness were refreshing too. I gotta check out Tangerine by the same director, Sean Baker.

 Tangerine is great! Donut Time is closed down though :(

 Director: “Dunkirk,” Christopher Nolan “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “Phantom Thread,” Paul Thomas Anderson “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro

 It looks like del Toro should win it, and he would be worthy. His vision and execution were marvelous. It’s such a visual treat, from the design of the monster, to the fashion and decor, to the feel of the scenes.

 What a visual treat it was to see a fish gettin it in! I wouldn’t be mad at a GDT win here. Solid economy of storytelling, and the overall vision, themes, and motifs all worked together to create a great sense of feeling and wonderment, which you need when you’re making a movie about fish love.

 Nolan was awesome per usual, with some amazing action and jaw-dropping uses of real stunts and IMAX cameras. I’m glad he got his first directing nod.

 Typical Nolan: dope visuals and a lot of overwrought music drowning out boring characters and a weak story.

 Gerwig and Peele are both amazing talents who made brilliant first feature films. I guess Best Director doesn’t usually go to simpler films (see: Inarritu’s dumb back-to-back wins for spectacle films). But man they were good at their craft.

 If I had my druthers, I’d give it to my man Jordan Peele. His was a truly singular vision helped along by deft world-building and a perfect tonal balance. The exact opposite of Martin McDonagh’s work on Three Billboards. Greta Gerwig did a nice job, but she’s no Peele.

 PTA is awesome too. He apparently also worked on the cinematography with the rest of his crew, which is cool.

 PTA did his thing on ‘em, bringing his unique flavor of dark humor mixed with some heavy emotional content.

 Mainly, I’m just glad Martin McDonagh didn’t get a nod here.

 Lead Actor: Timothée Chalamet, “Call Me by Your Name” Daniel Day-Lewis, “Phantom Thread” Daniel Kaluuya, “Get Out” Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour” Denzel Washington, “Roman J. Israel, Esq.”

 Oldman is the favorite, both for a notable impersonation and his entire body of work. Oldman is a great actor, and I can’t fault him getting the award. I did enjoy his performance and the movie’s flaws are not because of it. One note: I haven't seen The Queen yet to see if he’s that much better as Churchill than John Lithgow, but cmon, how impressive is it when a bunch of dudes are able to play Churchill?

 Oldman is just that -- an old man. Maybe die already and let some youngbloods get their shine??? Just kidding, I have nothing against Commissioner Gordon. I’m sure he did great here and now has a go-to Halloween costume for later this year to boot.

 I prefer Chalamet’s detailed and nuanced in his portrayal of Elio. Chalamet just nails all the facial tics and body language, along with crushing scenes when asked (the film literally relies on his facial reactions during portions of the film).

 Chalamet was great! Him crying into the camera as the credits rolled could’ve nuked the entire movie, but it didn’t. So much of the context and depth in “Call Me by Your Name, Daddy” is internal, and the fact that Chalamet was able to get that across to the audience is a real testament to his performance. Also, he banged a peach in real life! That was some method acting!

 I love me some Daniel Day, and if this is his actual last role, then bravo. He is brilliant as a fashion designer who is super picky and unique. He’s such a prick at times, he’s such a baby at times, and he’s so funny all the way through. I get that they want to reward someone else. But man… DDL is the best.

 If they ever cross paths, I hope DDL and Chalamet compare notes. DDL: “I learned how to create 1950s-style women’s dresses by hand and actually made a few dozen which I then sold to wealthy aristocrats.” Chalamet: “I put my thing in some fresh fruit and sniffed a guy’s butthole!”

Also, shoutout to the casting director who tapped DDL to play Reynolds Woodcock. How fuggin easy was her job? “Ya know, we really should get DDL to play this part.” “Great job! He fit the role perfectly!”

 Kaluuya is really good in Get Out, though I prefer Chalamet/DDL over him. I’m glad that he got a nod for what might normally just be viewed as a horror movie role. Kaluuya’s emotional backstory is key to the film, and he does a great job showing the pain of his past and how it helps form his character’s decisions. Otherwise, Get Out is less an acting showcase than the other films, so less of a ceiling.

 It really is great to see a horror movie get this level of love and legitimization. Between Get Out and It, I hope Hollywood production companies realize that actually investing in the horror genre is a profitable move and as a consequence, we continue to see more (and better) horror flicks.

 I didn’t see Denzel’s performance. But I think it’s funny that he got this random nod sorta like how Meryl Streep gets nods for just about any role. People just love Denzel at this point. Franco might have deserved the nod for The Disaster Artist, where he was both hilariously weird yet held gravitas as the crazy Tommy Wiseau.

 *nods*

No Hugh Jackman (Logan)??? No anyone from Detroit??? Yuck.

 Lead Actress: Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water” Frances McDormand, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Margot Robbie, “I, Tonya” Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird” Meryl Streep, “The Post”

 First, I think it’s a shame that Vicky Krieps didn’t get nominated for anchoring Phantom Thread with her role as tortured love interest, Alma. Krieps fills Alma’s personality with timidity, daring, ambition, and man, she’s good. She’s more of a main character than DDL at times, and she holds her own. Krieps went from an unknown to American audiences to having to spar with one of the greatest actors of all time. And she crushed it! I wonder if she was hurt by the film being released late. More people should be talking about this performance.

 Vicky Krieps is fantastic. Like Matt said, she went toe-to-toe with DDL and matched him in every scene, never getting lost in the shuffle. She’s gotta be amused with everyone treating her like a no-name newcomer though, since she’s apparently already a star in Poland or wherever the fuck she’s from.

 McDormand appears to be the frontrunner, and I thought she was really good. I prefer Saoirse Ronan and Sally Hawkins though. McDormand has a super showy role, and I’m guessing her win was clinched by her various speeches and rants throughout the film. She’s really good. I just don’t like the character due to the writing.

 Ugh, McDormand. I guess she was fine. Like I mentioned earlier, her character was so poorly constructed and written, I have no idea if the acting’s any good. Besides Meryl Streep, she’s definitely the worst on here. Streep actually suffered from some of the same issues as McDormand. Her character’s arc is such a drag that the movie came to a screeching halt every time she popped up on screen. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Streep and Hanks filmed that breakfast convo on separate coasts.

 Ronan is a huge talent, and she’s perfect as Lady Bird. She’s funny, emotional, and a fully-realized teenager. Lady Bird will go down as one of the most famous heroines - I have no doubt.

 Since my girl Vicky Krieps didn’t even get a nom, I’ll be pulling for Ronan.

 Hawkins is magnetic as Elisa. She was limited as a mute character, but presented herself so well with body language, sign language, and charm. Hawkins imbues her character with such optimism and hope. She treats her friends with such warmth. And she has to portray her interest opposite an actor inside a costume, who also can’t speak. I mean, that’s carrying a lot, and she is brilliant.

 To Hawkins’ credit, you really do believe she wants to fuck that fish. Like, there is NO DOUBT. She must’ve been channeling her inner-Chalamet between takes.

 Margot Robbie is really good as Tonya Harding and the best part of the movie for me, moreso than Allison Janney (more on that below), though it’s laughable when she has to play a teenager. One scene of note is her preparing for a performance in front of a mirror. It’s one of those acting showcases that really impresses, and she does it well.

 Margot Robbie was great as Tonya Harding. I didn’t realize not only how hated Harding was back then, but how hated she is now! I brought this movie up to several people and each was like “UGH! Why would I want to see a movie about Tonya Harding -- she’s the devil! I hate her!” Why would anyone still be mad about this? First of all, it’s figure skating. Second of all, it happened twenty-five years ago, and third of all, Nancy Kerrigan was fine! Get over it, sheeple! Just don’t get me started on the tragedy of Michelle Kwan -- now THAT’S something to still be upset over.

 I would replace Streep with Krieps in a heartbeat. Yes, Streep is good as Kay Graham, but Krieps is better, and Streep is the worst of these 5. Honestly, if Kay Graham had been played by Frances McDormand, she would not have been nominated. Streep got the nomination because she’s Meryl Streep.

 This might be Matt’s hottest take and it’s 100% correct. /shocked emoji

 Supporting Actor: Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project” Woody Harrelson, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” Richard Jenkins, “The Shape of Water” Christopher Plummer, “All the Money in the World” Sam Rockwell, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

 Rockwell is expected to win, and he’s pretty good. I can’t get over his character arc though. This character is just… it’s weird! It doesn’t make any sense. Rockwell is a great actor though, and he does the best he can. He’s awesome.

 /copy-and-pastes paragraph about Frances McDormand

 I love Dafoe’s performance more. The Florida Project’s cast was filled with new actors, and that was mostly good, but Dafoe was amazing. He’s got his scenes here and there, and he makes the screen pop whenever he shows up. Just a genuine good, imperfect dude, managing a hotel.

 This movie looked awful. I don’t know if I’m just bitter or I’m suffering from trailer fatigue, but with the exception of Mission Impossible: Fallout and Black Panther, I haven’t seen a single trailer where I didn’t think “this movie looks like trash.” Even for good movies! Step ya trailer game up, Hollywood.

 Woody Harrelson was good, but it’s a little silly that his role got in over Hammer or Stuhlbarg in Call Me By Your Name or Michael Shannon in Shape of Water. I didn’t catch Plummer in his role.

 I’m serious: replace Woody with Paddington and the movie is immediately 25% better. Woody was fine, but yeah what the shit. Also, Armie Hammer was...not great. Dude was two seconds away from doing a Tiger Woods fistpump after suckin’ Elio’s cannoli. Get it together, man.

 Plummer was good considering he’s like 90 (a true Old Man) and did all his shit in like a week in front of a green screen. You’d think him being a last-second replacement for Kevin Spacey would be distracting, but the movie’s so bad you don’t really care. Actually, we should go back and replace Spacey with Christopher Plummer in everything! Imagine Plummer bringing his elder statesman gravitas to American Beauty or Horrible Bosses.

 Jenkins was great in The Shape of Water. Really good supporting character and friend to Elisa. The supporting cast in Shape of Water was generally awesome.

 Supporting Actress: Mary J. Blige, “Mudbound” Allison Janney, “I, Tonya” Lesley Manville, “Phantom Thread” Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird” Octavia Spencer, “The Shape of Water”

 Janney seems to be the frontrunner, though this seems like the only one of 4 categories where people think there may be an upset. Metcalf is so good in Lady Bird, varying from tough mom to loving mom.

 Truly great range.

 Janney got a lot of hype, and I ended up feeling underwhelmed by her performance. She disappears for a lot of the film after a showy start, and I ended up being much more into the performances of Robbie and Sebastian Stan.

 Man, GTFOOHWTMFBS. She “disappears” for a lot of the film because the story goes elsewhere; it’s not like she’s turning in a half-forgettable performance. Plus, that criticism is meaningless when Queen Elizabeth can win one for like 8 minutes of screen time. Janney is great in this film, giving a performance that’s far from one-note, more nuanced than she’s getting credit for, and 100% real.

 I preferred Manville’s role as the DDL’s sharp sister in Phantom Thread. She’s really good without ever being too showy.

 This is the one nominee I won’t be mad at for beating Janney (well, her and Mary J, because how could I ever be mad at Mary J?). Manville crushes it as Woodcock’s sister and business manager. She delivers scathing insults with that Woodcockian gumption and provides some humanity in the face of DDL’s artistic vanity without falling into the Jekyll/Hyde dichotomy. She keeps it as real as Reynolds, but is just wired a bit differently.

 Spencer is another key supporting role in The Shape of Water, and she’s another terrific friend to Elisa. I also enjoyed her calling out her husband - he needs to get his act together!

 Yeah, dude has to turn in his sack after that FBI agent ran roughshod over his household.

 Mary J is really solid in Mudbound, though I was much more into the roles of Jason Mitchell (Eazy-E!) and Garrett Hedlund, the main relationship of the film.

 Original Screenplay: “The Big Sick,” Emily V. Gordon & Kumail Nanjiani “Get Out,” Jordan Peele “Lady Bird,” Greta Gerwig “The Shape of Water,” Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Martin McDonagh

 It’s so cool to see The Big Sick get a nomination here. My main gripe about the movie is that it gets a little long. But it’s a really good adaptation of a real-life story, filled with funny scenes mixed with good emotion. Big Sick is such a lovely film. It’s got great performances too by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter. And the cultural stuff is really neat to see on-screen.

 The Big Sick is the one movie I really regret not getting to. If only there was a way I could still watch it...

 Get Out’s script is amazing. I hope it wins. It seems like it’s between it and Billboards, which definitely doesn’t deserve a win.

 Get Out should get TWO wins here. One for Lil Rel’s dialogue and one for the rest of it. You aren’t getting this kind of quality anywhere else. A true original. If Three Billboards somehow wins this I’m gonna rent three billboards to talk about how shitty that movie is. “How Come Chief Paddington?”

 I’m bummed Lady Bird seems like it won’t get any wins (fingers crossed on Metcalf), and it’s second here for me after Get Out. Shape of Water is great, but the script isn’t what gets me the most.

 I don’t think I need to tell you what about The Shape of Water gets Matt the most.

 Adapted Screenplay: “Call Me by Your Name,” James Ivory “The Disaster Artist,” Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber “Logan,” Scott Frank & James Mangold and Michael Green “Molly’s Game,” Aaron Sorkin “Mudbound,” Virgil Williams and Dee Rees

 Shoutout to LOGAN! First major nod for a comic book movie I think. Awesome. It was a great sendoff for a famous pairing (Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart as Logan and Xavier). Here’s hoping we get some more nods next year for Black Panther (and hopefully if Infinity War is good).

 LOGAN! We made it, fam! Logan was a great flick. So happy to see Wolverine finally done right on the big screen. If they’d have tightened up the post-X23 battle portion of the movie, I’d be clamoring for it to get a Best Picture nom.

 Call Me by Your Name was really well-done. A cool tidbit is that Sufjan Stevens convinced the director to take out the narration from the book (though I guess that would be a knock on the screenplay, probably?).

 After Matt hit me with some details from the Call Me by Your Name and I Will Call You by My Name book, I’m even more thankful to Sufjan. Really didn’t need to see these guys taking massive dumps in front of each other while the camera pans to Elio’s dad crying, with his shirt pulled over his nose.

 Disaster Artist was a really fun movie about a really wacky story. It managed to get the right amount of comedy and emotion into it. From what I’ve read, Mudbound seems to have done some good work changing aspects of the book, including adding more viewpoints for the black family members. It’s still a bit shaky in the first half.

 Molly’s Game was a mixed bag. Sorkin seemed to have his usual strengths and minuses… and the minuses were big. I don’t get why he shoehorns a father-child relationship into all of his scripts. This one was particularly unnecessary and detracted from the storyline.

 I didn’t get to Disaster Artist or Molly’s Game. Sorkin’s scripts are more bloated than Bridge of Spies’ runtime.

 Film Editing: “Baby Driver,” Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss “Dunkirk,” Lee Smith “I, Tonya,” Tatiana S. Riegel “The Shape of Water,” Sidney Wolinsky “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Jon Gregory

 Baby Driver! That’s a cool nomination right there. The film’s weakest part is the story, so I’m all for any movie-making nominations it gets, and the editing was crisp.

 Props to Baby Driver for being really cool and really dumb at the same time. That’s hard to do!

 Dunkirk is the win for me here. A lot of the movie relies on the jumping around of timelines, and the movie really nails it there.

 Does it though? There were three timelines/points of action, but Nolan did a slopfest of a job tying them together. Should’ve given Billy Walsh a truckload of fresh fruit and let him get a crack at the dailies.

 Cinematography: “Blade Runner 2049,” Roger Deakins “Darkest Hour,” Bruno Delbonnel “Dunkirk,” Hoyte van Hoytema “Mudbound,” Rachel Morrison “The Shape of Water,” Dan Laustsen

 Oh snap, that’s DEAKINS’ music. People think Deakins will finally win here after being nominated 14 times. Here’s some great footage of his best work. I still don’t completely understand cinematography, but it does seem like he lost a few times for movies that were more visual effects than cinematography (e.g. Life of Pi).

 Deak tha Freak! Didn’t see Blade Runner 2049 because I’m not a nerd, but I got love for Deakins, so sure, give it up for him. Don’t even talk to me about Life of Pi. Fuck Pissing Patel and fuck you too!

 As for this specific film, Blade Runner 2049 is beautiful, and he appears to have done some incredible work himself on the film (as opposed to other visual effects people). It looks amazing in some scenes, the lighting is great, and the world is fully-realized.

 Shape of Water and Dunkirk are my next favorites. Both look really good.

 Of the two I’ve seen, Dunkirk probably deserves this over The Shape of Water. Its visuals were the best thing it had going on. At least The Shape of Water has fish peen to fall back on.

 Animated Feature: “The Boss Baby,” Tom McGrath, Ramsey Ann Naito “The Breadwinner,” Nora Twomey, Anthony Leo “Coco,” Lee Unkrich, Darla K. Anderson “Ferdinand,” Carlos Saldanha “Loving Vincent,” Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, Sean Bobbitt, Ivan Mactaggart, Hugh Welchman

 BOSS BABY. But nah I’ve only seen Coco. Coco is so good. It reminds me of Inside Out for how mature and emotional it is. Its themes of family and death and memory are on point. It’s also really fun and colorful, AND it’s got awesome culture with Dia de Las Muertas.

 Haven’t seen any of this shit. Maybe I’m racist, but Coco looks boring as hell. Just Moana but Mexican instead of Polynesian.

Also, how did The Lego Batman Movie not get ANY love? That was probably the third best Batman movie of all-time (Batman and Batman Begins being the top two)! I’m STILL mad at The Lego Movie not getting nominated for Best Animated Feature when it was a dark horse for Best Picture! The Lego Movie is the Michelle Kwan of animated movies.

Original Song: “Mighty River” from “Mudbound,” Mary J. Blige “Mystery of Love” from “Call Me by Your Name,” Sufjan Stevens “Remember Me” from “Coco,” Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez “Stand Up for Something” from “Marshall,” Diane Warren, Common “This Is Me” from “The Greatest Showman,” Benj Pasek, Justin Paul

 SUFJANNNNNNNNNN. When I first wrote this, I was bummed because I thought he wasn’t performing. You can imagine my joy when it was announced that he WAS.

 Can’t wait for Suf to walk onstage with a big butterfly outfit while a bunch of violinists run around him in heart-shaped outfits, while Chalamet and Hammer are biking around stage while eating gelato. Mystery of Love is amazing and very key to the movie (Visions of Gideon may be even better, but I’m cool with MoL getting the nod here).

 Visions of Gideon IS better, though that’s not saying much. IS IT A VIDEO SUFJAN????????

 Remember Me seems like the favorite, and it’s a really great song. I would be pretty happy with it getting the win. It’s cool that Gael Garcia Bernal is performing (unlike Gosling/Stone flaking last year for La La Land, smh).

 Remember Me has the issue of trying to live up to the standard set by Z-Ro for songs titled “Remember Me.”

Original Score: “Dunkirk,” Hans Zimmer “Phantom Thread,” Jonny Greenwood “The Shape of Water,” Alexandre Desplat “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” John Williams “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” Carter Burwell

 I need to re-listen to Last Jedi’s score, but it’s hard for me to say that it had anything unique compared to the previous Star Wars movies… just feels like a nod for Johnny W.

 Not a big “score” guy, but let’s go ahead and crown Sicario 2 the winner in this category next year.

 Shape of Water was really lovely. I also think it’d be cool to see Greenwood get a win (Radiohead whaaa). Dunkirk is super intense. Billboards...nah.

 The Shape of Water was scored by a Radiohead guy? Makes sense because that fish was a CREEP.

Sound Editing: “Baby Driver,” Julian Slater “Blade Runner 2049,” Mark Mangini, Theo Green “Dunkirk,” Alex Gibson, Richard King “The Shape of Water,” Nathan Robitaille, Nelson Ferreira “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Ren Klyce, Matthew Wood

Sound Mixing: “Baby Driver,” Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater, Tim Cavagin “Blade Runner 2049,” Mac Ruth, Ron Bartlett, Doug Hephill “Dunkirk,” Mark Weingarten, Gregg Landaker, Gary A. Rizzo “The Shape of Water,” Glen Gauthier, Christian Cooke, Brad Zoern “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Stuart Wilson, Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick

 Baby Driver’s sound was critical to it, as was Dunkirk’s. I have trouble understanding the two (here’s one of many explainers) but based on what I read, I’d want Baby Driver for Sound Mixing (Edgar Wright had the actors listening to the same song simultaneously, so they could imagine how it would play on screen… which is awesome) and Dunkirk for Sound Editing.

 Can’t speak to the legitimacy of these nominees, but it’s a relief seeing the same five in both categories. Can you imagine the humiliation otherwise? “Oh this was MIXED really well, but the editing was TRASH.”

Visual Effects:

“Blade Runner 2049,” John Nelson, Paul Lambert, Richard R. Hoover, Gerd Nefzer “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Jonathan Fawkner, Dan Sudick “Kong: Skull Island,” Stephen Rosenbaum, Jeff White, Scott Benza, Mike Meinardus “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,”  Ben Morris, Mike Mulholland, Chris Corbould, Neal Scanlan “War for the Planet of the Apes,” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, Daniel Barrett, Joel Whist

Matt didn’t offer any analysis here, so I can only assume he worked on the visual effects for Kong or whatever and it’s a conflict of interest.

Production Design: “Beauty and the Beast,” Sarah Greenwood; Katie Spencer “Blade Runner 2049,” Dennis Gassner, Alessandra Querzola “Darkest Hour,” Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer “Dunkirk,” Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis “The Shape of Water,” Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin, Shane Vieau

The Shape of Water looks cool? So does Blade Runner. So I want one of those.

Was Beauty and the Beast the most unnecessary movie of 2017? Probably. Really stoked for the human version of Song of the South. I wanna know who designed the pies in The Shape of Water. Damn those shits were ugly.

Makeup and Hair: “Darkest Hour,” Kazuhiro Tsuji, David Malinowski, Lucy Sibbick “Victoria and Abdul,” Daniel Phillips and Lou Sheppard “Wonder,” Arjen Tuiten

 I do think it’s random that this only has 3 nominees. That’s all I got. Oldman for Churchill, I imagine, should win.

 Doesn’t this category usually only have 3 noms? If only I was typing this on a machine that would let me look up the answer. Folks better get these famous-people roles while they can; another 5 years and biopics will be 50% holographic.

Costume Design: “Beauty and the Beast,” Jacqueline Durran “Darkest Hour,” Jacqueline Durran “Phantom Thread,” Mark Bridges “The Shape of Water,” Luis Sequeira “Victoria and Abdul,” Consolata Boyle

Phantom Thread should win, right? Shape looks cool too. The outfits for the monster were wild.

Ayo, that fish was buck naked! They really just subbed in my man Abe Sapien. If Phantom Thread doesn’t win this...it’s like, Mark Bridges, what the hell are you even doing?

Best Documentary Feature: “Abacus: Small Enough to Jail,” Steve James, Mark Mitten, Julie Goldman “Faces Places,” JR, Agnès Varda, Rosalie Varda “Icarus,” Bryan Fogel, Dan Cogan “Last Men in Aleppo,” Feras Fayyad, Kareem Abeed, Soren Steen Jepersen “Strong Island,” Yance Ford, Joslyn Barnes

 My friend Donna says Abacus is awesome, and it seems like a cool story. Jane didn’t get nominated here and that’s the only one I saw (good film).

 Didn’t see any of these. I watch movies to ESCAPE from real life, not wallow in it.

 Best Foreign Language Film: “A Fantastic Woman” (Chile) “The Insult” (Lebanon) “Loveless” (Russia) “On Body and Soul (Hungary) “The Square” (Sweden)

 I have seen the trailer for Loveless, and it looked intense. Otherwise, I gotta get to these… it’s tough when they aren’t really available in theaters.

Matt, you gotta move out of BFE. Loveless and “L’Insult” been in theaters here. Not that I’ve seen them, whoops.

 Animated Short: “Dear Basketball,” Glen Keane, Kobe Bryant “Garden Party,” Victor Caire, Gabriel Grapperon “Lou,” Dave Mullins, Dana Murray “Negative Space,” Max Porter, Ru Kuwahata “Revolting Rhymes,” Jakob Schuh, Jan Lachauer

 KOBE

 *ahem*

#KOBE

 Best Documentary Short Subject: “Edith+Eddie,” Laura Checkoway, Thomas Lee Wright “Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405,” Frank Stiefel “Heroin(e),” Elaine McMillion Sheldon, Kerrin Sheldon “Knife Skills,” Thomas Lennon “Traffic Stop,” Kate Davis, David Heilbroner

 Let me put my homie Matt on blast here. I told him I was going to check out a showing of these five shorts and he’s all like “Why? I’m not including them in the Oscar pool, loser.” I was STUNNED. I’m in it for the ART, meanwhile Matt only cares about nursing his gambling problem. Anyhow.

Traffic Stop is apparently the front-runner, but was probably the worst one. I’m totally on board with its message about cops being violent racists, but the situation here probably wasn’t the best one to exemplify that idea.

Edith+Eddie had some charming moments, but not much of a story. People treat old people like shit. Wow.

Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405 was the most poignant and touching of the five. The story of Mindy Alper, an artist who suffers from truly debilitating mental illness/depression, is both heartbreaking and uplifting. It’s amazing what she’s been able to accomplish while simultaneously waging a constant battle with herself.

Heroin(e) tells a gripping story of the heroin epidemic of Huntington, WV and what three strong women are doing to battle it. Nothing super-groundbreaking, but a very well-told story about a part of the country that often goes overlooked.

Knife Skills was my second-favorite behind Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405. At times hilarious, but always inspiring, we get a look at ex-cons getting a second chance by attending culinary school/working at an upscale French restaurant in Cleveland. The willingness to show some light-hearted moments made this doc feel a bit slighter than the other four, but that’s hardly a fair criticism. Great stuff, and it definitely left me wanting to see more. And hungry.

 Best Live Action Short Film: “DeKalb Elementary,” Reed Van Dyk “The Eleven O’Clock,” Derin Seale, Josh Lawson “My Nephew Emmett,” Kevin Wilson, Jr. “The Silent Child,” Chris Overton, Rachel Shenton “Watu Wote/All of Us,” Katja Benrath, Tobias Rosen

 DeKalb Elementary is about a local incident in Atlanta so I’ma be pulling for it.

 That’s all I got.

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2017 Edition!

Better the day of than never, amirite??? The 5th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt always provides excellent, impressive, insightful, groundbreaking commentary, and Alex comes in flaccid, flubbing around, rambling about James Harden, Andy Dalton, and some scary movie that no one watched. It’s a tradition for the ages! Matt will be in regular font, and Alex will come in with the bold font.

Okay, first of all, say what you want, but if there’s one thing my takes AREN’T it’s flaccid. Anyhow, fun production note: Matt emailed me his musings at like 3am last night in hopes that I wouldn’t have time to take his shoddy, poorly-reasoned, informed-by-Buzzfeed opinions to task. Bad news, Matt -- ya boy is WIDE awake and ready to talk Oscars!

Best picture:

“Arrival”

“Fences”

“Hacksaw Ridge”

“Hell or High Water”

“Hidden Figures”

“La La Land”

“Lion”

“Manchester by the Sea”

“Moonlight”

I’ve seen all nine films this year. I think I once was sorta embarrassed by that, but at this point, I don’t care… I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW. We got some classics in this field, and I would say I generally appreciated all of these films, but we gotta hand some critiques out too. Buckle up.

I’ve seen five out of the nine nominees: Arrival, Hell or High Water, La La Land, Manchester by the Sea, and Moonlight. I’m watching Hidden Figures as I’m writing this, so that should tell you all you need to know about my level of interest in Fences, Lion, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

First, I want to talk about the 3 films that were originally the top contenders before La La Land took the frontrunner perch solo on a storm of bright colors and happy dancing. Leading into the season, we had La La Land, Moonlight, and Manchester by the Sea.

I watched Moonlight first (out of all of these films actually, cool story bro). Moonlight was hyped in the critic circles and fairly unknown to the public… this made for an interesting watch at a fairly general Regal theater. Let’s just say the crowd was NOT expecting it to be an indie film about a gay black man in Miami struggling with his identity and they were NOT digging it. Sorta a weird atmosphere to sit in, but that didn’t stop the movie from shining through with its brilliance. Moonlight is a great, great film. It’s a beautiful study of a tragically hurt and isolated lead character. It is full of unique, fully-breathed characters.

Moonlight is a film of three acts following the life of our main character Chiron, and in each act, we have Chiron played by different actors portraying different ages of his life. That shouldn’t work as seamlessly as it does, but Barry Jenkins somehow pulled that magic trick off. The actors look enough alike, and they have enough similarities in their wounded souls, to show that they are Chiron. It’s remarkable. As much as I love Boyhood, it sorta makes that film’s structure feel more like a gimmick. Who needs to film scenes over 12 years when you have a vision as strong as this?

More importantly, Moonlight’s story is so powerful, and so well-told. This isn’t just some story about a gay black male who is bullied and conflicted about his sexuality. This is that story, done in such a poetic and powerfully told way. The patience it has telling its story. The way each of the 3 acts ends. Moonlight is a film that haunts me when contemplating its best scenes. I don’t think it’s for everyone. It certainly wasn’t for everyone in that theater when I watched it. But I would vote it for Best Picture.

Moonlight is a FANTASTIC film and if there was any justice in the world (there’s not), it would win Best Picture. Director Barry Jenkins is a master behind the camera, showing the audience everything we needed to see and nothing we didn’t. Moonlight is at once heartbreaking, uplifting, uncompromising, and relatable. Nothing is phoned-in or painted in broad strokes. Jenkins withholds judgment as he lets his characters’ lives unfold against one of the harder backdrops in recent memory. Plus, I’ve always wondered what 50 Cent looked like as a child.

Also, I gotta hand it to the bully in the second act for mocking Chiron’s jeans for being “too tight,” even though they were your typical straight-leg variety. Taking something completely innocuous and turning it into a source of mockery is a classic bully move. Outstanding work here.

NOTE: as I’m writing this, our hip-hop correspondent Kavi D. texted me the following: “Moonlight > La La Land. But like Adele beating Beyonce, we know what’s going to happen tonight. Such a joke.”

But Moonlight probably won’t win. La La Land will. And I’m ok with that too! I really loved La La Land! I love the vision of Damien Chazelle (Whiplash was aces). I love musicals. It was really fun. The love story was pretty good! La La Land has flaws to be sure. The white-man-saves-jazz issue is hard to deny, even if you try to justify it with the fact that well, John Legend’s character is cooler than Gosling’s, and their band’s song is pretty good! Gosling and Stone aren’t Gene Kelly or Rita Moreno in terms of their singing and dancing abilities. In the end, I was still enamored with the film’s joy along with the story’s emotion. And that ending was great. How is Chazelle so good at ending his films?

La La Land’s other backlash is that it’s another movie about Hollywood, appealing to the Oscar voters. Some also think it’s winning on a gimmick, as the first original musical in a while, sorta like how The Artist was the first silent film of note in a while. Well let me tell you something… The Artist? Sucked. La La was way better.

The amount of love La La is getting does annoy me. I mean, I’m cool with it winning Best Picture in the end, but getting like 10-11 Oscars? Some of these other films deserve some love too.

/Locks the door

//Looks out the window

///Takes the phone off the hook (lol landlines)

////Re-checks the locks

I gotta be real here: La La Land SUCKED. Before we get into it, let’s cover the positives:

1. John Legend’s song - that was sick!

2. The montage at the end - that was real!

3. La La Land did manage to be a very serious movie while keeping the tone light and bouncy, which is no easy feat, so I can give it some respect for that. Everything else though…?

The music was terrible. I’m not a big musical guy to begin with, but I can certainly appreciate a catchy showtune. Here? Not a one to be found. Gosling’s creaky-ass voice grinding out a third reprise of “City of Stars” doesn’t cut the mustard.

The dancing was shitty. Whether it was those losers rolling on the hood of their cars in the opening number, Stone’s way hotter roommates bumbling around their apartment, or the leads irritatingly floating in the planetarium, everything looked stilted and unrehearsed. The “Dick in a Box” video had sicker moves.

The leads had zero chemistry and were completely unlikable. Fishface Emma Stone and Jazz Hero Seb were such bores, I couldn’t find it in my cold, black heart to care about either one of them.

Also, do we really need white-as-a-sheet Ryan Gosling lecturing us about saving “real” jazz music? Here’s the thing, Seb: Jazz is/was all about innovation and being on the cutting edge of music. So the fact that he’s obsessed with sticking jazz inside some snow globe time capsule is actually 1000% more harmful to jazz than John Legend freshening things up and pushing jazz into a new, modern direction.

Chicken on a stick up my ass, gump!

Personal note: each year on Christmas, my family goes to the theater to watch a flick. The past few years we’ve seen joints like The Wolf of Wall Street, Django Unchained, Fury, and The Hateful Eight. Real family-friendly stuff. Well, this year we let my sister pick and of course she picked La La Land.

For the record we ALL hated it, even my sister. This is only the second movie I’ve ever seriously considered walking out of (shout out to Adventureland, you piece of crap). Anyhow, I would like to thank La La Land for giving me this nugget to hold over her head for the rest of eternity.

The last of the original top contenders, Manchester by the Sea, made me cry numerous times. I mean, I thought that shit was gonna be sad, but that trailer definitely made me figure there was a little more levity in it than there was. This ain’t Good Will Hunting. I thought Manchester had some great acting, a story that really weighed on you, and had several scenes in particular that really devastated me.

Matt must’ve fallen asleep during the last third of Manchester because for about forty-five minutes it becomes a network TV sitcom, with Affleck helping lil buddy get laid and selling enough pints of blood (BAC .08) to buy a new engine for the boat.

But hey, this is a good-to-great flick, although it could’ve used a re-edit -- what, was Billy Walsh too busy working on the new season of Johnny’s Bananas? Manchester suffers from what I call the “Boston bloat.” Any film set in New England is automatically twenty minutes too long because it has to constantly remind the audience that it takes place in New England. It’s already called Manchester by the Sea! We don’t need close ups of analog TVs showing the Celtics or slo-mo shots of ugly white guys in various shades of grey and khaki shooting Irish Whiskey.

SPOILER ALERT: (Matt’s note: the next paragraph has massive spoilers)

Also, uh, is it just me or does Lee get off kinda light (in reality and in the movie) for essentially murdering his three kids? Like hey motherfucker, you did an awful thing maybe you should at least TRY to atone for it? The cops are like “you burned your house down in a drunken stupor and it claimed the lives of your three children -- we’ve all been there!” “Yeah! I torched my place last spring, lost two kiddos and the dog, a real shame.” I get that you’re tortured bro, but maybe think about someone other than yourself for once?

Also if this movie (and most NE-set movies) are to be believed, women are only good for banging; otherwise they’re shrill nags, out to ruin a good time. Exactly none of the women in this movie are given any sort of depth or character beyond “I want to fuck her” or “She won’t stop bothering me.” The movie even kinda blames Lee’s kids’ death on the mom!

And the climactic conversation between Randi and Lee? The crux is that even after all this time, she still wants to fuck him! She can’t resist his grubby, down-home, chawm! Pathetic.

Arrival is my favorite film that didn’t ever get in the talk for Best Picture. And why the hell not? It’s loved by many who’ve seen it, it was a popular box office hit. Arrival got on my radar early 2016 when I heard about the film starring Amy Adams and the guy (Villeneuve) who did the superb Sicario. I checked out the short story Story of Your Life by Ted Chiang, and it blew me away. Arrival takes a pretty challenging high-level concept and somehow manages to portray it well onscreen. When I read it, I thought damn, how are they gonna make that a film? But they did. Villeneueve is a true talent. Arrival is intriguing sci-fi with an ending that truly impacts you.

Arrival was the bomb! Great flick and an amazing adaptation of “Story of Your Life.” Matt’s right about the movie breaking down an insane concept into something that’s easy to understand while still delivering that emotional gut-punch.

Amy Adams had better rapport with the fuggin aliens than Stone did with Gosling, just sayin.

I’ve seen a few pieces mention Hidden Figures as a possible late surprise winner. While there’s no real chance at that, it’s cool to see the box office love it’s gotten. When I first saw the trailer for Hidden Figures, I thought it came off to me like standard Disneyfied civil rights fare (like 42, if you will). But then the critics’ reviews came out, and then my friends spoke of how good it was. And it is good! Hidden Figures has 3 strong leads in Henson, Monae, and Spencer. They have well-developed characters. They don’t need to have strong white heroes saving them – the white characters (primarily Kevin Costner, Kirsten Dunst, Jim Parsons), aren’t overly white saviors or overly mustachioed villains.  There’s some prejudice. There’s some goodwill from good people like Costner’s character or John Glenn. But these are supporting details surrounding the main stories of these brilliant black women facing the shit they had to deal with at the time. That’s good cinema.

Hidden Figures is sounding pretty good in the background right now, so I’ll probably go back and actually watch it at some point. I was initially put off because it looked like The Help in Space and I didn’t need to see another scene where Sandra Bullock tells a black mother what’s what. Apparently it’s not like that? That’s good.

Fences is a well-acted adaptation of a powerful play by the great August Wilson. Fences covers the story of a black family dealing with their issues, primarily stemming from the father, Troy Maxson, during the civil rights era. Maxson is a stubborn, difficult man, and that causes some strife in the family. It’s uncompromising and tough stuff to watch, and it’s really a challenge, in a good way, to the viewer. I’ll have more thoughts on it below with Best Actor, but I thought that it had a great story and a somewhat limited vision with its adaptation. The direction by Denzel could have been more creative, but its lacking transcendance from the stage reminded me too much of the Doubt adaptation.

Fences looked like Denzel sitting on a porch for two hours. That’s cool for Denzel, but I’d just as soon sit on my own damn porch.

Hell or High Water was a really solidly done film. Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster, and Chris Pine basically are the film, and they’re great. Really glad to see Pine get to do something good outside of his always strong role as Kirk. The story’s pretty straightforward - Foster and Pine play brothers trying to rob banks. Bridges and his partner are going after them. But it’s not Point Break, and the nuances of the clever dialogue, the creative characters, and the way the movie builds - that makes the film a special quality film.

This is a movie right here! I love me a modern western, and Hell or High Water delivered! The cinematography was gorgeous and bleak at once, really bringing home the message of the movie. It was good to see Pine bounce back from that atrocious Star Trek 3 film, and the banter between him and Ben Foster really pushed this movie to the next level.

I gotta be real though, the audience I saw this with was laughing a little too hard at Jeff Bridges’ racist-ass character. Kinda uncomfortable.

I was pretty dubious about Hacksaw Ridge. I think I found it to be somewhat cheesy and somewhat excellent. The first half of the film is basically cheesy goodhearted Andrew Garfield as he decides in life that he doesn’t want to hold a gun during WWII but still wants to help, and the struggles he faced trying to convince the Army to let him do that. At this point, it felt pretty cliche and lame to me. Then the battle scenes began, and I was pretty impressed and enthralled… what Garfield’s character, Desmond Doss, did was heroic and incredible. The film is strong when showing those aspects. It’s just a little held back by the stuff around that.

Hacksaw Ridge, the Finest Hours, Deepwater Horizon -- can we tell any of these movies apart? Do we care? Really happy for Mel Gibson though, getting to film another critically-acclaimed gratuitous bloodbath.

Lion was my least favorite film, and I’ve seen a few friends here and there who disagree with that. But I found it to be lacking. The true story is amazing, the emotions of that conclusion are powerful, and Dev Patel is my boy. But the story is poorly paced for me; at times, just a little too much focused on his childhood. At times, a bit slow and clunky in his search. That being said, that film made me cry still, because that story is sad and moving. And I got love for my girl Rooney Mara. But it was the least of the 9 for me.

Just go back and read my rationale for skipping that awful Life of Pi remake. I’m sure all the same arguments apply here.

I can’t speak too much of Best Picture snubs this year. I was pretty content with this field. EXCEPT FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR; WHERE’S DA LOVE.

Captain America: Civil War was great...as long as Cap was off-screen. Dude is the most vanilla-ass leading hero we got out here. More Iron Man, Black Panther, Spider-Man, Ant-Man, really anyone else, PLEASE.

Allow me to play to type and suggest that The VVitch got snubbed! Along with The Lobster and Deadpool, some real contenders got left at the altar. Also, let it be known that Matt had a huge bone for The Accountant despite it looking like trash from day one. Apparently some non-studio-plant redditor promised it would be great. Once the reviews started trickling in though, Matt was inconsolable.

Best director:

“La La Land,” Damien Chazelle

“Hacksaw Ridge,” Mel Gibson

“Moonlight,” Barry Jenkins

“Manchester by the Sea,” Kenneth Lonergan

“Arrival,” Denis Villeneuve

Chazelle is the likely winner here, and it would be well-deserved. He had a great vision for La La Land, and his visuals and energy are such strengths in the film. I would also wholly support my dude Villeneuve getting some love here. He really put together a great film for a short story that deserved it. He has lots of patience getting to the points he wants to make, and he treats the audience as adults, not holding their hands.

Jenkins’ direction of Moonlight leads to some damn good poetry, so I gotta give him props too. Lonergan does good work, but I don’t really consider the strength to be in his direction but more for his writing (to discuss later). Gibson put together some awesome battle scenes, but man, he had some corny scenes building up to it.

If Jenkins doesn’t win this, I’m jumping out my window like dude from the Mad Men credits.

/moves into first-floor apartment

Matt touched on it earlier, but how stupid does Richard Linklater look now? It took him like two decades to make Boyhood, and Jenkins knocked out a better version in like a month! It’s like Linklater, bro, we have actors for a reason..

Apparently Chazelle winning is a done deal, but cmon! Jenkins told three PERFECT stories, tied them together with the exact right amount of narrative tissue and knocked it out the f’n park! But yeah, Chazelle sucked off Hollywood and made the smog-trap that is LA look halfway redeemable.

Lead actor:

Casey Affleck, “Manchester by the Sea”

Andrew Garfield, “Hacksaw Ridge”

Ryan Gosling, “La La Land,”

Viggo Mortensen, “Captain Fantastic”

Denzel Washington, “Fences”

This race has come down to Affleck and Denzel. I haven’t seen Captain Fantastic and have heard Viggo is pretty good. Garfield does good work in Hacksaw, though his accent is a little spotty, and I can’t get over how corny he is at times in the film. Gosling was better to me than Stone in La La Land, but I can’t quite say that either of their lead performances screamed “Best Actor/Actress” to me. I think the race should come down to Affleck and Denzel.

Casey Affleck was the frontrunner for a while until Denzel Washington won the SAG award, which shifted the momentum in people’s mind. Affleck’s history of sexual harassment has come up a bit leading up to the Oscars, and some think that has affected his chances here. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think the accusations were likely true. I think if so, it’s fair to make the argument that you don’t vote for him here. It’s an award for who’s the best actor, but there isn’t strict criteria, and these are voters who have a right to show support for who they want to. If that means denying a vote to a sexual predator who was privileged in what he got away with, then maybe that’s what people should do. Constance Wu broke it down pretty well, as you can read here.

If I somehow had an Academy vote, I don’t know what I’d do. I think I might vote for Casey in the end. But that debate aside, I wanna talk about their performances now, and I’d say I thought better of Casey’s.

His performance as Lee Chandler really really impressed me. It’s one of my favorite acting performances of recent years. I’d take this role over other recent winners like my boy DiCaprio in The Revenant or McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club. Affleck embodies this character, full of subtle sorrow and guilt and pain. I felt for him every step of the way, and I never felt like it was done with cheap acting or overly acted emotion (see: Sean Penn; Mystic River). Lee Chandler is the film, and Casey Affleck is the film, and he carries it all on his tortured shoulders.

I gotta agree with Matt. The entirety of Manchester by the Sea rests on Casey Affleck’s shoulders and he absolutely crushes his role. The pain and the patheticness that define Lee Chandler come through even in the film’s happier moments and Affleck never fails to show how Lee’s grief is hardwired into his DNA and informs all of his decisions, from where to live, to whether he should punch out the drunk Santa lookin’ guy at the bar (he does).

That being said, Affleck is a sexual harasser! So I’m not shedding any tears if he loses to Denzel, who is great and keeps me in good hands, insurance-wise.

Denzel is really good too. Casey is better. Denzel has a tough character to grapple with here. I think he might be hurt a little for me just because I don’t very much like the character of Troy Maxson. I felt like this when I first read the play for a class in high school, and I feel that way now. It makes it tough. Maxson is not a likable character. I like him less than your usual villain, and I think that’s always somewhat hampered my view of the story. Maxson is not good to his family, and he infuriates me in several ways. I know that in some ways that’s supposed to be showing the effects the time period had on a man like him, but some of his decisions in the story are too much for me to overcome.

That’s somewhat the brilliance of the story by August WIlson. It’s uncompromising and brutal. But it’s always been a tough pill for me to swallow and affects my view of Denzel’s performance. When I separate that take, I do think Denzel was excellent in the role though. One of his best roles in recent memory.

Lead actress:

Isabelle Huppert, “Elle”

Ruth Negga, “Loving”

Natalie Portman, “Jackie”

Emma Stone, “La La Land”

Meryl Streep, “Florence Foster Jenkins”

This category is hampered by the lack of Viola Davis, who pushed to be labeled as Best Supporting even though she’s very clearly a lead. Stone is the frontrunner, and she’s pretty good, but she didn’t blow me away. As mentioned before, I liked Gosling’s work more. I saw Jackie, and Portman was quite good in her portrayal. I would support her getting it too. But I’d be surprised to see the Academy give her a second Oscar this early on.

Amy Adams got robbed of a nomination here. She was the heart and soul of Arrival, and Louise Banks is a great protagonist. I thought she was wonderful in it. Why again is Streep nominated for everything she does? I feel like she could voice a 5-minute role in an animated film and still win Best Actress. Was she really better in Florence than my girl Amy? I’m dubious.

I haven’t made it to Loving yet so I don’t have a take on Ruth Negga. Huppert is apparently a dark horse for Elle; a film I haven’t gotten to yet that has a fascinating premise.

What the hell is always up with the movies the Best Actress noms come from? With a few exceptions, they’re always floating out on their own, like “Best Actress” is its own movie genre. Needless to say, I haven’t seen any of these besides La La Land, and that’s one I wish I hadn’t seen.

Supporting actor:

Mahershala Ali, “Moonlight”

Jeff Bridges, “Hell or High Water”

Lucas Hedges, “Manchester by the Sea”

Dev Patel, “Lion”

Michael Shannon, “Nocturnal Animals”

Mahershala is all you gotta know here. After some solid turns in House of Cards and Mockingjay, this charming-ass mofo is magic in Moonlight. Juan is one of the best supporting characters in recent memory. He has several brilliant scenes, not requiring overacting but just sheer nuance and charm. He makes such an impression on the film in not much time. He’ll win, and he’ll deserve it big-time.

After this year, they should rename this the Mahershala Ali Award for Best Supporting Actor. Ali is amazing as Juan, Chiron’s unlikely father-figure. He commands the screen in every scene he’s in, but like Matt says, it’s not with overacting or scenery-chewing, but with the amount and specificity of emotion resonating from his character.

Bridges is his usual awesome self in Hell or High Water, and I really dug what he brought to the table. Hedges is a quality support role to Affleck in Manchester, and he does good work as the young nephew struggling through his father’s death. He’s Boston as hell and he does it well. Dev is great too, even though he’s clearly a lead role. Glad to see him getting continued work after Slumdog and good to see him knocking it out of the park. Dude is jacked now! He ain’t no babyface lucky punk anymore.

I’ll give props to Hedges for staying focused on banging out two chicks at the same time despite his dad randomly dying. I love that speech he gives Affleck (“I don’t care that I’m an orphan! I can’t move to Boston -- I’m banging two chicks!”).

Bridges was cool; I always wondered what Bad Black would be like if he were on the other side of the law.

I love Michael Shannon. I haven’t seen Nocturnal Animals. But Shannon could make any role magnetic. He’s just sheer willpower tour-de-force. I don’t know what that means, but it makes sense to me.

Supporting actress:

Viola Davis, “Fences”

Naomie Harris, “Moonlight”

Nicole Kidman, “Lion”

Octavia Spencer, “Hidden Figures”

Michelle Williams, “Manchester by the Sea”

Viola Davis is remarkable and is so key to Fences. She’s great. I hope she gets the Oscar. And she probably would have won for best Lead too. Rose is a tough character to portray to me. She’s often reactionary to her husband, and she doesn’t have as much stage presence per se. But Viola brings that necessary gravitas and strength to the role to make it not just a one-person show. She’s lovable, tender, compassionate, etc. AND she does a good job explaining how she deals with/puts up with Troy. It’s a hell of a role.

If not for Viola in supporting, I would give the win to Michelle WIlliams. She’s really good in some key scenes in Manchester by the Sea. She’s emotional, tortured, hurt, and so relatable in the things she says and does. Otherwise, Naomi Harris really nailed it as Chiron’s mom during Moonlight (and in only 3 days of filming apparently!). Spencer was quite good in Hidden Figures (though I loved Monae more; I also just love Monae in general, what can I say). Kidman is good in Lion, but I can’t say she really knocked it out the park for me.

From what I understand, Viola Davis probably deserves an easy win here, but man, Naomie Harris was raw as hell in Moonlight. That scene where she shakes Chiron down for cash nearly made me call in sick to work the next day.

Michelle Williams in Manchester by the Sea was...not great, though I blame the material more than her. “But but but Lee! I still wanna fawk you! Let’s have lunch! We can get ya favorite chowdah!” She tried her best, but the dialogue was never going to let her rise above Southie Harpy #2.

Adapted screenplay:

“Arrival,” Eric Heisserer

“Fences,” August Wilson

“Hidden Figures,” Allison Schroeder and Theodore Melfi

“Lion,” Luke Davies

“Moonlight,” Barry Jenkins; Story by Tarell Alvin McCraney

Moonlight is bizarrely marked as adapted even though it was based off an unpublished play. Whatever. It’s an excellent story. I think it’s supposed to win, and I’ll approve of Barry getting his Oscar here.

Damn, I gotta agree with Matt again! This is truly a weird spot for Moonlight to be in. It’s like “oh shit, I adapted this movie from an idea I had once -- okay!”

I do wish Arrival could win too, because Heisserer’s feat is impressive considering the degree of difficulty here. Story of Your Life (Arrival’s short story) is a lot simpler than the plot of the film. Heisserer had to develop more of a global conflict to the story and had to figure out how to take plot elements from the short story and make it work on film (the short story is a lot more first person narrative; he did a lot to adjust that for the screen).

Still, no one has to be madder about Moonlight’s odd placement than the Arrival folks. They took an impossible-to-adapt short story and fuckin flamed it out into an amazing motion picture. Really impressive stuff.

Fences is cool because Wilson had that screenplay around for a while, and it got made after his death once a black director (Wilson stipulated that the director be black) finally was able to put the project together. And it’s a great story. Just not as deserving to me as Moonlight/Arrival.

Original screenplay:

“20th Century Women,” Mike Mills

“Hell or High Water,” Taylor Sheridan

“La La Land,” Damien Chazelle

“The Lobster,” Yorgos Lanthimos, Efthimis Filippou

“Manchester by the Sea,” Kenneth Lonergan

I still haven’t seen The Lobster and want to. I think Alex will vouch for it. Otherwise, this is a category where La La won the award at the Golden Globes, but I really hope it doesn’t win here. Manchester’s screenplay is so good to me. The way it intercuts between past and present, the way it slowly reveals different plot points, and the way it writes dialogue of sad scenes - that’s some good stuff right there.

I gotta go with The Lobster here. To call it’s screenplay efficient is a severe understatement. I previously lauded Barry Jenkins for showing audience exactly what they needed to see. In The Lobster, Lanthimos strips the entire endeavour down to the bare essentials. Why use three words when one will do? Shit, why even use words at all? Beautiful stuff, b.

On the other end of the spectrum is Manchester by the Sea, where every possible scene and/or conversation gets its moment to shine. This leads to a lot of great moments and conversations, but also to a fair number of middling ones.

Cinematography:

“Arrival,” Bradford Young

“La La Land,” Linus Sandgren

“Lion,” Greig Fraser

“Moonlight,” James Laxton

“Silence,” Rodrigo Prieto

Bradford Young can get it.

Dayum.

That Linus dude will probably win for La La, and it’ll be deserved. I just thought Moonlight had some hella cool shots. Also, Silence gets a nom here. I wanna see that at some point, even if it ended up not getting the love it expected to get.

La La Land will win here because Hollywood loves seeing itself glammed up for the silver screen and not as the tepid, plastic cesspool it is (note: I actually love LA, but am I wrong?).

Film editing:

“Arrival,” Joe Walker

“Hacksaw Ridge,” John Gilbert

“Hell or High Water,” Jake Roberts

“La La Land,” Tom Cross

“Moonlight,” Nat Sanders and Joi McMillon

Another La La win, probably suggesting its best picture victory.

I already burned my Billy Walsh joke, so I’ll just say this HAS to be Moonlight, right? I mean, it won’t be, but it’s economy in telling such a resounding tale defines Oscar-worthy.

Best documentary feature:

“13th,” Ava DuVernay, Spencer Averick and Howard Barish

“Fire at Sea,” Gianfranco Rosi and Donatella Palermo

“I Am Not Your Negro,” Raoul Peck, Remi Grellety and Hebert Peck

“Life, Animated,” Roger Ross Williams and Julie Goldman

“O.J.: Made in America,” Ezra Edelman and Caroline Waterlow

Really strong year for docs. I still haven’t gotten to the long, really-a-TV-documentary-series OJ, but I’ve heard such incredible things about it. The 13th was brilliant and would certainly deserve a win too. And I can’t wait to see I Am Not Your Negro.

Gotta confess, I haven’t seen any of these, but this looks to be one of the strongest years for docs in recent memory.

Animated feature:

“Kubo and the Two Strings,” Travis Knight and Arianne Sutner

“Moana,” John Musker, Ron Clements and Osnat Shurer

“My Life as a Zucchini,” Claude Barras and Max Karli

“The Red Turtle,” Michael Dudok de Wit and Toshio Suzuki

“Zootopia,” Byron Howard, Rich Moore and Clark Spencer

Zootopia appears to be the winner here, and it really was an impressive animated film to me. As I watched it, I was like damn those themes got a lot deeper than I expected for a kid’s film! Moana was really enjoyable too, though it didn’t quite reach the highs for me that some other recent animated classics have (I would put Frozen ahead of it, for instance).

Zootopia is my JAM. Love that sloth at the DMV. Moana was fine, but did nothing to distinguish itself from any other generic-ass cartoon.

No love for Sausage Party? Damn.

Best foreign language film:

“A Man Called Ove,” Sweden

“Land of Mine,” Denmark

“Tanna,” Australia

“The Salesman,” Iran

“Toni Erdmann,” Germany

The director of The Salesman, Asghar Farhadi, was not allowed to come to the Oscars after the executive order a few weeks ago, and then he decided not to come too out of protest. He also directed the incredible A Separation, which I finally recently saw. That film was so devastating and moving to me, and if The Salesman is comparable at all, it would certainly deserve a win here too.

Toni Erdmann is apparently going to be remade with Jack Nicholson, so I’m for sure curious about that too.

Give it up to Tanna, man. It was filmed in Nauvhal, which has like 4,500 native speakers.

Original score:

“Jackie,” Mica Levi

“La La Land,” Justin Hurwitz

“Lion,” Dustin O’Halloran and Hauschka

“Moonlight,” Nicholas Britell

“Passengers,” Thomas Newman

Original song:

“Audition (The Fools Who Dream),” “La La Land” — Music by Justin Hurwitz; Lyric by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

“Can’t Stop the Feeling,” “Trolls” — Music and Lyric by Justin Timberlake, Max Martin and Karl Johan Schuster

“City of Stars,” “La La Land” — Music by Justin Hurwitz; Lyric by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

“The Empty Chair,” “Jim: The James Foley Story” — Music and Lyric by J. Ralph and Sting

“How Far I’ll Go,” “Moana” — Music and Lyric by Lin-Manuel Miranda

La La will definitely win for best score, considering it’s a damn musical. Arrival should have gotten some love here, but the Academy dqed it because they were worried that this brilliant song used in the film would get confused as part of the original score. But the score is great on its own!

La La Land will win, which is garbage! As a Houston native, I will no doubt be pulling for Moonlight, as the whole f’n thing was chopped and screwed.

Two La La songs are nominated here, and City of Stars should likely win. I would love to see Lin-Manuel get the win here and complete his EGOT. How Far I’ll Go didn’t really stay with me the way other classic animated film songs have. Heck, I would rather have seen You’re Welcome get the win here.

Yeah, the two songs in Moana worth a damn (“You’re Welcome” and “Shiny”) got robbed, and both those LLL songs are trash. I gotta take a moment and recognize the special kind of horrible that is “Can’t Stop the Feeling.” I dare you to find a more written-by-committee, “Happy-”humping piece of corporate garbage that polluted the airwaves this year.

Does this mean I’m cheering for Sting? Fuck.

Also, Sing Street should have DEF got some love here. It was robbed. Sting got a nom instead? FOH.

Sound editing:

“Arrival,” Sylvain Bellemare

“Deep Water Horizon,” Wylie Stateman and Renee Tondelli

“Hacksaw Ridge,” Robert Mackenzie and Andy Wright

“La La Land,” Ai-Ling Lee and Mildred Iatrou Morgan

“Sully,” Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman

Sound mixing:

“Arrival,” Bernard Gariepy Strobl and Claude La Haye

“Hacksaw Ridge,” Kevin O’Connell, Andy Wright, Robert Mackenzie and Peter Grace

“La La Land,” Andy Nelson, Ai-Ling Lee and Steve A. Morrow

“Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” David Parker, Christopher Scarabosio and Stuart Wilson

“13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi,” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey J. Haboush and Mac Ruth

Kevin O’Connell apparently hasn’t won after 21 nominations, and he’ll probably lose to La La Land here. Well, I hope he somehow gets a win.

Let’s revisit a Matt quote from the top of the article: “Matt always provides excellent, impressive, insightful, groundbreaking commentary.” You’ve really outdone yourself here.

Last fall I was at WB Studios and they explained the difference between sound editing and sound mixing and I was like “Finally! I’ll have a real opinion when the Oscars roll around!” Well, I don’t remember what I learned that day, so let’s just give these awards to Arrival for that little pewpew sound of the aliens squirtin’ their ink.

Production design:

“Arrival,” Patrice Vermette, Paul Hotte

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” Stuart Craig, Anna Pinnock

“Hail, Caesar!,” Jess Gonchor, Nancy Haigh

“La La Land,” David Wasco, Sandy Reynolds-Wasco

“Passengers,” Guy Hendrix Dyas, Gene Serdena

Visual effects:

“Deepwater Horizon,” Craig Hammack, Jason Snell, Jason Billington and Burt Dalton

“Doctor Strange,” Stephane Ceretti, Richard Bluff, Vincent Cirelli and Paul Corbould

“The Jungle Book,” Robert Legato, Adam Valdez, Andrew R. Jones and Dan Lemmon

“Kubo and the Two Strings,” Steve Emerson, Oliver Jones, Brian McLean and Brad Schiff

“Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” John Knoll, Mohen Leo, Hal Hickel and Neil Corbould

Rogue One had some good visuals, bro.

Damn, my X-Men couldn’t get a nod here? I guess the Academy is saving all their mutant love for Logan next year. Hail, Caesar! Is such a joke of a movie and represents Hollywood’s masturbatory tendencies at their worst. So it’ll probably take home an Oscar here.

I’ve heard Doctor Strange is like trippin off acid without trippin off acid, so if you’re trippin off acid when you watch it, it looks pretty normal. Yeah, I’m certain that’s how it works.

Makeup and hair:

“A Man Called Ove,” Eva von Bahr and Love Larson

“Star Trek Beyond,” Joel Harlow and Richard Alonzo

“Suicide Squad,” Alessandro Bertolazzi, Giorgio Gregorini and Christopher Nelson

Costume design:

“Allied,” Joanna Johnston

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” Colleen Atwood

“Florence Foster Jenkins,” Consolata Boyle

“Jackie,” Madeline Fontaine

“La La Land,” Mary Zophres

Apparently Matt died before he could finish this? Anyhow, Star Trek for makeup and hair? Except for that one chick, who was really lookin all that different? Give it to Suicide Squad, I guess.

Is the real Florence Foster Jenkins still alive? I wonder how she’d feel knowing that, in a twisted way, her awfulness was winning all kinds of awards. She’s probably dead, so it doesn’t matter, but still.

[thenicedolphin]

My Conflicted Feeling About Chris Rock and That Asian Joke

I'm a big fan of Chris Rock. He's hilarious. He's sharp. He's witty. He's provocative. 

I loved his opening monologue about #OscarsSoWhite. I wished he had focused more on other people of color, but he stuck with black and white relations, which is fair. A lot of black-white stuff has been going on, with police brutality, Black Lives Matter, and particularly the Oscar outcry - it was relevant. 

Further on in the night, he had a small bit where he introduced the vote-counters of PricewaterhouseCoopers. Normally, a few older adults would come on stage, but three young Asian kids walked on, as he introduced them with two Asian-sounding names (Ming Zhu and Bao Ling) and one Jewish-sounding name (David Moskowitz). The crowd didn't really laugh much, and Rock said, "If anybody’s upset about that joke, just tweet about it on your phone that was also made by these kids." 

I felt weird about the joke in the moment, though I also was like, what just happened there? Did I miss the joke? Was that supposed to be an Asian joke, or was I being oversensitive, and the bit was actually about something else? I went to my Twitter feed, which mostly consisted during the Oscars broadcast of predominantly white TV and film critics, and a few people of color. No one mentioned the joke. So I thought hm, well, I guess that joke was just a flop.... and I moved on. I praised his monologue and bits during the show and then in a sum-up quick Facebook status after. I was hyped on how much I enjoyed the show and the people who won awards.

But I kept thinking about it. But I really liked Chris Rock's material overall. But it bothered me. But no one on my news source (Twitter) was talking about it. But my white friend Alex thought it was kinda weird too. But I mean, it was just a failed standup bit, standup is hard, and comedians try and fail often, so I wanted to give Rock a pass. But that was basically the first mention of Asian people during the whole broadcast, and it was laughing at us, not with us. But well, in Rock's taped bit, one black moviegoer brought up the need to include other races in Hollywood, and Rock included that part, so he must agree to an extent. But Sacha Baron Cohen made a cheap Asian joke too. But it was as Ali G, so who cares? But why didn't anyone else talk about it? And why, in a show where a key objective arguably was more diversity and inclusion, did we have one joke mocking stereotypes about Asian people without much other Asian representation?

The next morning, I couldn't shake it, and I googled about it. And I found news stories about it and found Asian people and others who were unhappy with the bit (shoutout to black actor Jeffrey Wright, great in Boardwalk Empire, I see you bro). And I can't shake it. 

I'm disappointed with that bit. I wish Rock hadn't gone for a cheap joke at Asian people's expense. But I still really admire the rest of his material about black-white relations. So the bit bums me out on a few levels. 

One, I'm frustrated at myself that I wasn't confident enough to acknowledge that it bothered me right away. I needed validation from others that yeah, that wasn't a good bit, and that it was offensive in a way, and that I wasn't overreacting by being offended. 

I think that it's easy to sorta shake jokes off and shrug sometimes as an Asian. Like, yeah, that may have hurt my feelings, but OK, I guess this racist joke is less damaging than bigger race issues at hand, so maybe we just laugh it off. In facing the "model minority" myth, and in facing racist jokes that are more about being foreigners or being good at math (yes, the math jokes happen often and always seemingly are delivered as a compliment), I find it really confusing and I still have trouble getting a handle on it. I find this paragraph hard to write even, trying to quantify racism against Asians compared to prejudice against other races or ethnic groups. 

Two, the bit is a reminder to me that blacks and Asians aren't on the best terms. I definitely felt growing up like Asians generally weren't fans of blacks, and vice versa, and certainly don’t interact often (this is a generalization for sure). And I've been reminded of that now, where Asians are protesting the conviction of Officer Peter Liang for shooting an unarmed black man. The debate there is whether Asians who are angry about the verdict would rather have Officer Liang be found not guilty like his white counterparts, or would rather have other white cops convicted of similar crimes. I've read some good pieces on that here and here. 

You look at Black Lives Matters counter-protesting with Asian New Yorkers and it's so confusing. Do I have to pick a side? Why can't both sides overlap more? And after a joke like that Oscars bit, in what manner do I want to advocate for a cause I support while not really feeling the same level of love... am I betraying other Asians by trying to just shrug it off? How do you handle comments like this Asian person's, who feels some real frustration about the situation, but whose reaction is one I disagree with completely?

Things are more complex than I want them to be, and I'm trying to be less naive, more nuanced, and more confident in my opinions. It's a process.

[thenicedolphin]

#OscarsSoWhite, People of Color in Movies, and Chris Rock the Host

Part 1: Should People Be Mad About the Oscar Nominations?

In late January shortly after the Oscar nominations, Fox Searchlight, a studio that has distributed Academy Award winners like 12 Years a Slave, Birdman, and Slumdog Millionaire, won a huge bidding war at Sundance Film Festival over a film about a black slave who leads an uprising against white slaveowners. The film, The Birth of a Nation, is intentionally titled the same as a 1915 film famous for its racist depictions of black males, its positive portrayal of the KKK, and its groundbreaking moviemaking techniques. The same guy, 36-year old Nate Parker,** is the writer, director, and lead actor of the film. That guy’s DEFINITELY getting some Oscar love next year. I can imagine a year from now, Birth of a Nation has 12 nominations for the Oscars and is the frontrunner in several categories. And you look at that, and you look at 12 Years A Slave a few years ago, and you may think... this Oscar outrage is really dumb, this was just an off-year for people of color getting nominations.

**Nate Parker - you may have seen him in films; the one film I’ve seen him in is The Great Debaters, a fine film that I had higher hopes for, and one where he does a solid acting job. My main memory of this film is that a key actor in the cast is Denzel Whitaker in a cast that includes Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker - but he isn’t related to Forest, although he plays Forest’s son in the movie). He also apparently was very good in Beyond the Lights, which is now on my to-see list.

Also? Maybe you thought Straight Outta Compton wasn’t that good this year. It didn’t deserve praise anyway. Maybe you thought Creed wasn’t that good either. In your opinion, those were the two main snubs people noted this year, and they weren’t that good, and well, we can’t just give them a nomination to be diverse, like some kind of participation trophy!

Another reason to think the Oscar outrage is overblown? You may have also seen data about how the amount of nominations for black people is about the same as the amount of black people in the U.S. Or the arguments stemming which note that really, it’s the Hispanic and Asian people who should feel slighted. And they SHOULD also feel slighted. But black people should still feel slighted, and I think we have to go beyond percentages of the Oscar sample size, to delve into what’s really frustrating people here.

Part 2: What’s Really Eating People of Color’s Grape? (that apostrophe usage is confusing and may have been used incorrectly, sorry grammar fans)

Two points in particular come to my mind with roles for people of color.

First, people of color tend to only get acclaim for roles that appear to fit a perception of their color. For black people, that can tend to be historical figures, particularly in civil rights and slavery (e.g. 12 Years A Slave or The Help), and in the 10 times black women have been nominated for Best Actress, that actress played a character in poverty each and every time. Rare is the person of color who is recognized for just being a character.

Coming back to this year, Michael B. Jordan did an excellent job as Adonis Johnson, the son of Apollo Creed, in a Rocky sequel that somehow miraculously did well critically and commercially despite being the 7th film of the series. But Jordan was never really considered a top contender for the Best Actor race, which was relatively weak this year (you can see that with how much of a shoo-in Leo is to win it). A well-reviewed Straight Outta Compton got no acting love, and it’s possible that older voters were turned off by the subject matter from the start.

Second, more broadly speaking, people of color don’t get the same looks for roles that should be open to everyone. If your name isn’t Will Smith or Denzel Washington, a generic male role will go to a white guy. Or take Katniss Everdeen. She of olive skin and dark hair, but the top finalists for the role were all light-skinned and Caucasian. Now Jennifer Lawrence was great in it - but couldn’t the filmmakers have at least considered someone else closer to the book description, who also could have been great at the role?

There are a lot of examples of white actors getting roles where race wasn’t relevant, but people of color weren’t considered . And then, to add insult to injury, there were roles for characters of color where race was relevant, but white people got a white-washed role instead. So then you see something like the Oscars, and the in-your-face results of zero nominations for people of color, and can you imagine the frustration that comes from that? The Oscars are the end-result of the Hollywood system, and people of color have lost.

And whenever people of color do appear to be making strides, there is pushback. When a fan online suggested that Donald Glover should be cast as Spider-man, people lost their minds. When they cast a black Hermione for the new Harry Potter play, people lost their damn minds. For a play. I once saw a Japanese kid play Billy Elliott, an Irish boy who dances, who had a white father and brother on stage. I rolled with it. It was a great production and you could handle Asian Billy because, well, it’s stage magic… it’s not that big of a deal. I’m generally OK with recasting roles for people of color, and I find it sort of hard to explain concisely (partly because for me it’s common sense that it should be ok)... but hey, here’s a long piece that may do a better job explaining it than I can.

Part 3: But Matt, How Do You Feel Specifically as an Asian-American?

From a personal perspective, this stings me when it comes to Asian actors and Asian roles. It happens a lot, and to little disagreement by the general press. This year, in The Martian, Mindy Park was a supporting character in the novel who was supposed to be Korean; let’s replace her with a blonde Caucasian actress. This year, in The Big Short, two younger twenty-somethings are mentored by Brad Pitt’s character as they attempt to short the housing market - one of the guys in real life was Asian. They’re both white in the film. I don’t think anyone lost their minds over it.

Master of None really brought an awakening for me with this. I think I always was annoyed about the lack of quality Asian characters in movies, as there are only a few. The Fast and Furious movies were great for featuring Han in such a key role AND giving him a love interest. I really like how Glenn in The Walking Dead is a fan favorite, though I still wish that more was done to expand his personality beyond loving his wife, and giving him some more depth. Fresh Off The Boat does a wonderful job showing that you can have a sitcom about an Asian-American family. Mindy Kaling is doing her thing on The Mindy Project. But there’s not much more beyond that.

So the Indians on TV episode of Master of None helped greatly to put things in perspective, producing anger and frustration at the thought of white execs who are in charge of everyone, get to do things their way, make racist comments without repercussions, and enforce the rule of no more than two people of color. And it’s frustrating because it’s not even true most of the time. You can see that with the Fast & Furious series and its diverse cast, where moviegoers respond to that aspect of the series as they buy tickets in spades. This country and this world are ready for diversity.

Part 4: Why I’m Optimistic and Why I’ll Watch the Entire Oscars Broadcast, as I Do Every Year

In response to the outcry this year, the Academy is making some changes, and I’m trying to be optimistic about it. I’d like to think the glass is half-full. Their president Cheryl Boone Isaacs, a black woman, seems to care, and enough people in the industry seem to be stepping up to encourage change. With the changes, by trying to eliminate inactive members (who are probably less likely to care about watching every relevant movie for the discussion, and as with that earlier link, might be immediately turned off by the premise of a film like Straight Outta Compton), you bring in new, sharp people (whether non-white or white) - and you get the Academy/voting bloc to look more like what the country is becoming. It’s these active attempts, rather than empty rhetoric, excuses, or defenses, that make the difference in the long run.

So I don’t plan to boycott. One, I’m a huge Oscars nerd and wouldn’t want to miss it (this reason sadly would be enough for me; but the two other reasons might also intrigue you). Two, I think what the Academy, and the people who have noted the problem, have done so far has already helped to press for more changes (though on the flip side, I have seen criticism that the Academy isn’t doing enough). Three, with regards to this year’s ceremony specifically, I think Chris Rock will bring it.

Chris Rock is provocative and thoughtful and hilarious, and he will rise to this occasion. Rock was great in his last hosting stint 11 years ago; so much so that people got riled up, like cantankerous Sean Penn getting mad about Rock joking about Jude Law. Come on Sean, Law can take a joke.

If someone can make a blistering monologue addressing race and the movie industry, it’s Chris Rock. He is one of the great stand-up comedians of our time, and I enjoyed hearing Wesley Morris and Bill Simmons discuss in a podcast how the stand-up community is very excited to see what he can do in his monologue. I do believe Chris Rock has a sharp outlook still at this point in his career. In 2014, he had an incredible but underlooked film, Top Five, that got great reviews and really hit a chord for folks who watched it (or at least, from discussing it with some good close friends). It touched on Richard Linklater and Woody Allen styles of storytelling, while giving his own personal feel and contemplating life from the perspective of a character similar to his real self. It was funny and outrageous and sweet and classic Chris. 

He still has his fastball, and he can make fun of Hollywood and the Academy in a well-crafted way. I can’t wait.

[thenicedolphin]

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2016 Edition!

Oh you know what time it is! The 4th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides insightful, useful, powerful commentary about the Oscars, and Alex comes in like your drunk uncle, rambling about Donald Trump and wetting his pants. It’s a classic tradition like no other. Matt will be in regular font, and Alex will come in with the bold font.

Best Picture:

“The Big Short”

“Bridge of Spies”

“Brooklyn”

“Mad Max: Fury Road”

“The Martian”

“The Revenant”

“Room”

“Spotlight”

In a rarity, I have seen all these films, because I have a very full and cool life. But really, it was neat this year to get to convince friends to join me in watching some of these films, and to discuss them after. Lol jk I have no friends.

One paragraph in and Matt’s already gettin misty-eyed. Almost makes me not wanna make fun of him. ALMOST. Anyhow, I’ve seen five of the Best Pic noms (The Big Short, Mad Max, Revenant, Room, and Spotlight). I’ve also seen Creed which should be nominated here. There was no way I was seeing Brooklyn or boring-ass Bridge of Spies. I kept intending to see The Martian, but there was always something getting in the way, usually me being tired. But hey, I didn’t want to see that shit in the first place! Man, if I was trapped on Mars, I wouldn’t be up there cracking wise about “sciencing the shit” out of something - I’d be too busy actually sciencing the shit out of something!

I thought this was a consistently good year, and I dig all of these films. There isn’t an OMG-AMAZING film this year in terms of a frontrunner movie, and insiders seem to think it’s a three-way race between The Revenant, The Big Short, and Spotlight. Spotlight was the early frontrunner with the best reviews, but its buzz has cooled some, as The Revenant grows more and more in hype/award love. The Big Short remains a surprise challenger because of its win in the critical Producers Guild Awards.

I loved Spotlight. I thought it was a really measured and controlled take on the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal, not choosing to veer into being overly dramatic. It’s just a well-done, crisp story about the journalists of the Boston Globe investigating the story in painstaking detail, and the makers killed it with making this so compelling. At the end of the movie, there was this hush over the audience as the credits rolled. I hope it wins, though I fear it will not. I am still OK with the two other top contenders though.

Spotlight’s gotta win. While I generally dug all 5 films I saw, Spotlight was definitely a cut above. As a Roman Catholic, I wasn’t even mad! The family and I saw this flick on Thanksgiving, and we were all impressed at how restrained this movie was, which was the right call because the facts are so horrific, they didn’t need any aggrandizement. Even the Catholic Church is like “well, yeah..”

This is the kind of joint Argo wished it was.

I enjoyed The Revenant and don’t feel any hate on it. Some beautiful imagery, some strong acting performances, and it was a pretty fascinating movie overall. I feel like in past years, I might have taken that opinion and decided to hate on this film for getting the win; I can’t decide if I just liked the film a good bit, or if I’m mellowing on my Oscar anger. (Matt’s note a few days after writing this: the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am that The Revenant might win Best Picture).

Revenant better not win this shit. Don’t get me wrong, I dug Leo’s horse getting shot in the ass as much as anyone, but cmon. In real life, it wasn’t even snowing! Shoot, Glass probably had to hobble a half-mile on a busted ankle. I love how they shoe-horned in the part about getting revenge for his son. It’s like they made the movie, then were like “oh shit, so this is really just about a bloodthirtsy dude who wants to murder a guy that made a totally reasonable decision. Give him a kid to kill.”

Was it just me or did those other roughnecks seem soft as hell? Fitzwilly was the only one thinking of the group’s well-being and all those other chumps are crying in their baked beans about Leo getting raped by that bear.

Also, I love how the natives were shooting eyeballs out from the treetops in the opening scene, but later couldn’t hit Leo on horseback in the middle of an open field. Though I’m not even mad since it led to him jumping off that cliff into a tree. Reminded me of the guy bouncing off the propeller in Titanic.

Meanwhile, The Big Short was NOT a movie i expected to want to win the Oscar, and I liked the premise of the film before watching it. Yet I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the film and how affected I was by the story and the main characters. The Big Short is another Michael Lewis book that doesn’t seem directly transferable to a movie (Moneyball, Blind Side), but Adam McKay and co. somehow pulled it off. It’s funny and creative, breaking the fourth wall when needed, helping explain confusing economic concepts in fun ways, and using narration to its advantage. But it’s not some laughfest… the strength of Big Short also comes in the tragedy. This film doesn’t hold back on showing the sadness of the 2008 crash, and its main characters don’t ignore that in their stories either. And that’s what took the film from “I liked that” to wanting to watch it multiple times. Fun note: Brad Pitt would get an Oscar for being a producer here… it’d be pretty random if his two Oscars would be for producing this and 12 Years A Slave.

So random. It’s like he produced two movies that were both good. When does that EVER happen? The Big Short was tight, though I didn’t care about any of the characters at all, except for maybe the Colorado dweebs. But even then it’s like “ohh poor babies, their 30 million dollar fund isn’t enough!” And that ending? So confusing! The whole time they’re all “let’s get this money!” Then they do, and they’re all sad! And I was supposed to care that nobody liked Christian Bale anymore? Pfft, buy some new friends ya rich bastard.

Bridge of Spies was a solidly well-done movie. I thought it was entertaining, interesting, and very well-paced. It’s worth a watch, though not a “must-see” per se. Tom Hanks is great per usual though, and I feel like this was a big-time understated performance by him. Can’t take films like this for granted; this is good work. Brooklyn was another really well-done film, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has a great love story component, but it also weaves in a complex story about an irish young woman as an immigrant in, well, Brooklyn, and her struggle to leave home behind. The Martian is that kind of film that everyone likes and enjoys; I read the book for once before watching it, and I just really enjoyed how they converted it into this film. Fun ensemble cast, everyone pitches in to play their key roles. Quite the blockbuster film.

“Big-time understated performance?” Aka didn’t really do shit. Not that I watched this snooze-fest. Brooklyn is probably a good movie that I’ll never see. Now that the Oscars are here and I still haven’t seen the Martian, I can go back to thinking it looked stupid like I did when I saw the trailer.

Mad Max: Fury Road is a technically brilliant movie, with stunts that make you think “how did tons of people not die doing this”. I really enjoyed it, though for whatever reason, I didn’t love it after the way I love Captain America: Winter Soldier or Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. I think the banter wasn’t enough for me the first time around, and I wonder how much more I’ll enjoy it the second time around. Which is funny to me, since some of the film’s quotes have become very viral on the interwebs. It’s awesome to see it recognized with a nomination, and even some early on sleeper murmurs, though I don't’ think it has any chance at the big prize now. it certainly has a chance at a lot of technical awards.

Mad Max was fresh, and I hope it gets some technical wins, but Best Pic? Cmon. Nobody wants to see creaky-ass George Miller up there.

I really enjoyed Room, and well, it made me cry numerous times. That movie will seriously get to you. Such a powerful story.

Man, I read the book before seeing the movie and somehow because of that I’m defending this movie like it’s my CHILD. This is my sentimental favorite, and I wouldn’t be mad if it won over Spotlight.

I’m not really too upset about any snubs. I would have preferred seeing Inside Out here, but hey, the Academy doesn’t do animated movies in the main category for some lame reason. Inside Out is some great work though, and I wish it would have been the 9th best picture nomination in the Oscars weird nomination format. Creed was great too… it should have gotten more Academy respect. I still haven’t gotten to Straight Outta Compton yet, so I can’t really give a strong opinion on whether it merited a spot.

Creed, Sicario, Ex Machina, and Unfriended all should’ve been here. I haven’t seen Straight Out of Compton either, but I’ll give a strong opinion anyway: It should’ve been nominated! Inside Out was fresh, but it needed “Inside Out” by Eve 6 playing over the closing credits.

Matt’s Best Picture rankings:

8. Bridge of Spies

7. The Revenant

6. The Martian

5. Mad Max: Fury Road

4. Brooklyn

3. Room

2. The Big Short

1. Spotlight

Alex’s Best Picture rankings:

9. Steve Jobs, just to inspire a nation to talk about how shitty this turned out to be and how it didn’t deserve to be nominated

8. Ex Machina

7. Mad Max

6. Revenant

5. The Big Short

4. Sicario

3. Creed

2. Room

1. Spotlight

Achievement in directing:

“The Big Short” Adam McKay

“Mad Max: Fury Road” George Miller

“The Revenant” Alejandro G. Iñárritu

“Room” Lenny Abrahamson

“Spotlight” Tom McCarthy

Adam McKay as a best director nomination. Love it man. I love comedy guys showing that they can just try at serious stuff and be better than the people who take themselves too seriously. Segel was brilliant in The End of the Tour. Rogen was good in Steve Jobs (he didn’t have much to do). We don’t all gotta be Sean Penns ya know. McKay did some great work here.

Iñárritu is a likely repeat winner and I’m sorta whatever with that. He’s cool and does some really impressive technical stuff, but I don’t feel like he injects enough emotion into his story. Dude has no heart. I was psyched when George Miller was the frontrunner here… he pretty much worked night and day for years on this film, and it turned into a miracle of achievement. What a simple story, what a complex film. Room director is worthy too, even though I have trouble remembering the bro’s name. I loved this piece (and probably others out there) about McCarthy’s unshowy direction.

Ayo, you wanna talk about a big-time understated performance, get with my man Tommy McCarthy ova here! Ben Affleck dug his direction, but thought Keaton should’ve been shirtless a few more times.

I feel the tide turning on Inarritu. Oh we can only shoot with natural light! Oh Leo you gotta eat these raw bear nuts! I heard he almost had Tom Hardy legitimately killed at the end, but was talked out of it by Brad Pitt, who got a ghost producer credit for his troubles. So random!

After seeing Creed, I was pissed that Ryan Coogler inexplicably didn’t get nominated. Then I googled his ass. Turns out he’s black! “All...the pieces...fit.” - Lester Freeman

Note: Matt just told me that Lester actually says “All the pieces matter,” but I don’t care, I’m leaving it.

Performance by an actor in a leading role:

Bryan Cranston in “Trumbo”

Matt Damon in “The Martian”

Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant”

Michael Fassbender in “Steve Jobs”

Eddie Redmayne in “The Danish Girl”

I ain’t see Trumbo, but you’re gonna give me Bryan Cranston over Michael B. Jordan? Jordan OWNED the role of Creed and held his own against the character of Rocky. He got jacked and took a punch in real life during filming. Yo String! Where the f is Michael B. Jordan. Fun fact, earlier this year, a friend bet me $100 that Michael B. Jordan was the son of Michael Jordan, famous basketball player, as my friend was convinced he had read that on the Internet. I won the bet.

Damn Matt, if you’re gonna step to any of these noms, why’s it gotta be Mr. White? I’ll never quibble with Cranston getting some love. My beef is with Eddie Redmayne. Who is this guy? I’ve never seen a damn thing he’s been in, but yet here he is. So he’s a man playing a man becoming a woman? Jared Leto already did that one in Dallas Buyers’ Club, and that was just a poor imitation of Martin Lawrence in the Big Momma’s House Thrillogy.

I do agree with Matt that Michael B. Jordan got robbed. Dude was amazing! Carried that film on his overly-muscular back. I saw him walking to the ring in Tijuana and got a little turned on, not gonna lie. Matt, I hope your friend is reading this because he’s a fucking moron and I want to make sure he knows it.

More importantly, this is the year of DiCaprio. It’s funny because I totally want him to win this, and this isn’t even one of his great roles. Leo in The Revenant is basically a lot of physical acting work, a lot of silent grimacing, and a low ceiling of stellar acting. Leo doesn’t get the dialogue or back-and-forth that makes him so great in some of his other roles. Leo should have won for The Departed (the studios wanted him to go with Blood Diamond instead) or The Wolf of Wall Street. He’s amazing in The Aviator and Catch Me If You Can and Inception. But I’ll take it… he doesn’t have strong competition this year, and he’ll probably give a sweet speech.

Honestly? This is why they didn’t nominate Michael B. Jordan. Dude ACTUALLY got brutalized for his role, making Leo look like a chilly bitch in the process. Sure Leo was good, but it’s kind of a bummer that this is the one he’ll win for, mostly because the other noms are trash.

Fassbender is great in Steve Jobs, even though I was underwhelmed by the story. He’s a great actor, and I wish he had won Best Supporting in 12 Years A Slave, but hey, another year Mikey. I haven’t seen Redmayne’s performance yet, but he won last year, and F Tom Hooper’s direction - that movie probably sucks because of Hooper.

Matt Damon is a lot of fun in The Martian. He’s the soul of that film, and I thought he did a great job. At the same time, it’s funny, in that story, I was never really as compelled by Watney’s scenes. I loved the NASA scenes more. Damon’s still good, just felt like observing that.

Observe DEEZ. Fassbender tried his damnedest to save that bag of crap. I was so-so on Steve Jobs when I saw it, but every time I think about it, I hate it even more. This ends with me outside Sorkin’s home in 2021.

Performance by an actress in a leading role:

Cate Blanchett in “Carol”

Brie Larson in “Room”

Jennifer Lawrence in “Joy”

Charlotte Rampling in “45 Years”

Saoirse Ronan in “Brooklyn”

Ayo Jennifer Lawrence is cool and all, but Joy looked like garbage from the first trailer, and it’s frustrating how the Best Actress category will always have a nomination or two from a fairly mediocre movie. Meanwhile, the main frontrunner here is very much Brie Larson. She’s a tour-de-force in Room, evoking a huge breadth of emotions over the course of the story, powerfully playing a woman held captive, a mother to a child, and a person with lost years of her life. I’m all for her winning here. Note: she was just as brilliant in Short Term 12, a wonderful indie film that deserves all the praise it can get.

David O. Russell gots to get over his obsession with Jennifer Lawrence. If dude had been directing 45 Years, he probably would’ve cast her opposite Walter Matthau or whatever old man was in there. But yeah, Joy looks terrible.

Gotta give it to my my girl Brie Larson. Room, man. Room.

Saoirse is a rising talent too. She was a great kid actor in Atonement, and here she is owning the role in Brooklyn. She is so easy to root for as a homesick immigrant, charming and lovely as a love interest, and gripping as she grows up more and more. I would totally root for her here, aside from Brie. Blanchett is great per usual in Carol, and one confrontation scene in particular sticks with me. I haven’t seen 45 Years, but Rampling, dawg, you gotta chill on your Oscar comments.

I hope Chris Rock takes Rampling to task for her inane bullshit. “She can toss my salad for 45 years!” Or something like that.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role:

Christian Bale in “The Big Short”

Tom Hardy in “The Revenant”

Mark Ruffalo in “Spotlight”

Mark Rylance in “Bridge of Spies”

Sylvester Stallone in “Creed”

Stallone is the slight favorite here. “My man!” (- Denzel). I’m sorta hoping for him here… it would just be awesome to see him win for Rocky Balboa after all these years. And even though he brought Rocky to the screen years ago, he didn’t even win an Oscar back then! Stallone had to be willing to hand over the keys to Ryan Coogler’s script and direction, and it paid off big time. Also, not being a fan of Rocky Balboa (too slow, sad, and absurd), I’m glad to see his performance here. Rocky gets to mentor someone, get some joy back in his life, and yet still struggle with life’s sadness. Stallone takes it all on.

I liked how a lot of the characters called him “Rock.” Felt authentic. But yeah, marble-mouthed Stallone killed it, and I wouldn’t be mad at all if he got the nod. The one knock (and it’s not really his fault) is that the portions of the movie that shifted away from Adonis and onto Rock were the weakest parts.

This category is pretty stacked. Tom Hardy was da real MVP of Revenant, Ruffalo did his Hulk Smash thing in a big-time understated way, Bale was great in The Big Short, even if I laughed at everyone hating him by the end of it.

The other top contender here supposedly is Mark Rylance. A relative film unknown (but a stage theatre juggernaut), Rylance steals each scene he has in Bridge of Spies, and he brings a rooting interest to a character who is a Soviet spy. We shouldn’t like this guy! Why does he have such a warm relationship with Tom Hanks? But you can’t help but smile at Rylance’s quirks and humor.

Dang Matt, does Joseph Gordon-Levitt know how you feel about Rylance?

Hardy is arguably more fascinating as an acting performance than Leo, and his compelling evil bad guy is a critical part of the story. Hardy just knows how to physically manifest his character, as he does here with a guy who has a grey moral code and is living an awful awful life in a terrible situation. I want Hugh Glass to win, but I get why Fitz is what he is, ya know? Ruffalo was mostly great in Spotlight, especially in his “Oscar” scene which I thought was, in typical Spotlight fashion, somewhat purposefully subdued and undercut. My main qualm with Ruffalo was that the character’s body language and voice quirks threw me off at times… but his character was so vital to me otherwise. Keaton could have also been nominated here, and I wouldn’t have hated that.

Matt’s dancing around the real issue: Tom Hardy acted circles around Leo in Revenant. All Leo did was shiver and furrow his brow for 150 minutes while Hardy had to actually, uh, act.

Bale is so talented, and his role merits praise here. He’s mostly on his own the whole film, and he’s able to create enough interest in his story and character to make me feel for his story big-time by the end. The main snub here supposedly was Idris Elba for Beasts of No Nation. I haven’t seen that yet (sorry Netflix), but I love Idris (Yo String! Where’s String!). I guess I would have wished that he got a nod over Bale? Shrug iunno.

Man, no String? No Wallace? No Avon? This is some boolsheeit. Bale was great in the Big Short, but I didn’t care about his character at all. Dude struck it rich. So what if everyone who knew him hated him? Mark Rylance should’ve declined the nomination in favor of Idris Elba without anyone even needing to torch his ass, neither.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role:

Jennifer Jason Leigh in “The Hateful Eight”

Rooney Mara in “Carol”

Rachel McAdams in “Spotlight”

Alicia Vikander in “The Danish Girl”

Kate Winslet in “Steve Jobs”

Ayo I love Rooney Mara, and it’s mostly because of a massive crush on her (yo she was AWESOME in Her), but she also was great in Carol. It is sorta hilarious that she got a Best Supporting nod instead of best actress; the Oscars and their silly games. Winslet is fresh in Jobs, even though I sorta got tired of the one-note nature of her character’s role in the story (and the story itself). Steve you gotta be a better dad! Be a better human! Steve! That’s basically what that was.

Ayo FOCK Steve Jobs. He’s supposed to get some kind of “redemption” because he decides to be a little bit less of a dick by the end of it? That’s some hogshit, man. Winslet’s accent was all over the place too. I couldn’t tell if she was American, Cockney, Lithuanian, or what, but it was hurting my damn ears.

Also, once Matt pitched me a script about a Hollywood couple that take in an aspiring young Korean screenwriter and together they create an acclaimed cast fetish video that wins Best Live Action Short at the Oscars. Casting ideas? Rooney Mara, JGL, and Mark Rylance as the sexually frustrated landlord.

Leigh was a boss in The Hateful Eight, even though QT decided to keep her reaction in where she overacts because QT LET KURT RUSSELL DESTROY A REAL ANTIQUE GUITAR WITHOUT HIM KNOWING. WTF QT.

QT can go to hell for that shit. Jennifer Jason Leigh was pretty great in the Hateful Eight, but no nod for the Big Black Dingus? I’ve heard a lot of euphemisms for “penis” in my time on Earth, but have never heard “dingus,” at least not in that context. Hats off, QT and Sam Jackson.

I haven’t seen Vikander in Danish Girl, but I wish she would have been nominated for a great role in Ex Machina. She appears to be a favorite here and that’s cool. As for McAdams, I’m glad to see her get recognized in a role that wasn’t that flashy or showy… McAdams stayed within the constraint of that movie’s restraint and kept the story going as she needed to. It’s been a good year for McAdams too… even though True Detective S2 was garbage, she did her best.

Aww cmon! TD S2 wasn’t that bad! I mean, yeah it sucked, but it was better than like 95% of what’s on TV. Vikander did kill it in Ex Machina. When I was waiting in line to buy tickets to Ex Machine, I felt real smart because everyone ahead of me asked for tickets to “Ex Machine-a.” Yeah, I probably sounded like a douchebag when I got to the window, but a CORRECT douchebag.

Adapted screenplay:

“The Big Short” Screenplay by Charles Randolph and Adam McKay

“Brooklyn” Screenplay by Nick Hornby

“Carol” Screenplay by Phyllis Nagy

“The Martian” Screenplay by Drew Goddard

“Room” Screenplay by Emma Donoghue

Lol at Steve Jobs being a frontrunner here forever until everyone realized how lame the screenplay was. Sorkin basically trying to give snappy dialogue while the same characters talk over and over again about what a bad father Steve was.

The Big Short screenplay is the likely winner, and I thought it was such a creative story and a great adaptation of a more straightforward book. Hornby’s screenplay was fresh, and I’m a fan of his. I dug what Goddard did to edit down the story from The Martian… a lot of parts for cut and the story was streamlined well, but bro, you should have kept the Aquaman line in the main movie (and not just in a YouTube promo clip).

The Carol screenplay was good, but I’m cool with it just getting nomination love. I thought it was neat that it was adapted from a book from the 50s… and the Room screenplay was adapted by the author of the book, which I always find to be neat.

It’s gotta be Room. And not just because it’s Room. The entire book was written from the perspective of a six-year-old. That’s shit is hard to do! Then to take that and make it into a movie - genius! The Big Short will probably win here, and I’m fine with that. I didn’t read the book, but I doubt it had naked Margot Robbie in there.

Original screenplay:

“Bridge of Spies” Written by Matt Charman and Ethan Coen & Joel Coen

“Ex Machina” Written by Alex Garland

“Inside Out” Screenplay by Pete Docter, Meg LeFauve, Josh Cooley; Original story by Pete Docter, Ronnie del Carmen

“Spotlight” Written by Josh Singer & Tom McCarthy

“Straight Outta Compton” Screenplay by Jonathan Herman and Andrea Berloff; Story by S. Leigh Savidge & Alan Wenkus and Andrea Berloff

The Coen brothers! Bridge of Spies definitely feels like a Spielberg film with a Coen script. Nice. Ex machina gets some props here. Inside out definitely deserves some love here; I dig that they took so long to break the story and sort it out, instead of rushing the product. Classic Pixar patience.

Matt just perfectly crystallized why I don’t want to see Bridge of Spies (“feels like a Spielberg film with a Coen script”). Have you SEEN the trailer for Hail, Caesar? That looks worse than Johnny Depp’s cameo in Into the Woods. Inside Out was super-fresh, and I can’t wait for the sequel with all the mixed-up marbles. Ex Machina and Inside Out get a little extra love from me because those are some seriously original ideas. No disrespect to Spotlight and Straight Outta Compton, but that shit actually happened, ya know? They adapted it from real life!

Spotlight is such a crisp story. I think the film sets up so much and knocks it down. I enjoy the pace so much. It hits the right moments to cover key aspects of the sadness, of the investigation, of the characters’ lives… it just works so well to me. Definitely a worth winner.

Lastly, yeah I haven’t seen Compton… but shoutout to it’s one nomination, for a group of white guys.

Speaking of racism in the Oscars, no Creed here? It was borderline genius how they had Adonis’ final fight set up and go down somewhat plausibly.

Achievement in film editing:

“The Big Short” Hank Corwin

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Margaret Sixel

“The Revenant” Stephen Mirrione

“Spotlight” Tom McArdle

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Maryann Brandon and Mary Jo Markey

Editing… I try to get an eye for it, but it’s a challenge. Sometimes, I’ve heard that editing is a good precursor for Best Picture, though Whiplash won last year, and Scorsese’s editors won a bunch of times before he won, so uh, I don’t know how true that is.

How the eff did Star Wars slip in here? And anyone that thinks Revenant was well-edited is a COTdamn fool. Billy Walsh saw that shit and was like “he really could’ve trimmed it down some.”

I thought The Big Short and Spotlight both did good work here, though the montages by Big Short got a little tedious for me. The frontrunner is Mad Max, and that is fine by me!

The Big Short ended somewhat abruptly, and I didn’t really understand what was going on, and while that might not be 100% the fault of the editors, eff it, they get the blame. Mad Max kept it tight and moving along. If that was Stephen Mirrione handling the dailies, we’d just get hours of Tom Hardy laying face down in the sand, breathing hard.

Best animated feature film of the year:

“Anomalisa” Charlie Kaufman, Duke Johnson and Rosa Tran

“Boy and the World” Alê Abreu

“Inside Out” Pete Docter and Jonas Rivera

“Shaun the Sheep Movie” Mark Burton and Richard Starzak

“When Marnie Was There” Hiromasa Yonebayashi and Yoshiaki Nishimura

Inside Out was so good. I’ll be happy with it winning.

Inside Out was great, but I’m not over the Lego Movie snub from last year. Fuck this category and fuck you too!

The only other film I saw was Anomalisa, which I really enjoyed, though it wasn’t my favorite Kaufman script. Audacious and quality film though. And the use of animation was clever and well-marked.

Anomalisa was nutssssss -- cartoons be fuckin! That bear rape scene aint got nothin on Anomalisa for graphic movietime sex. When that little cartoon dick popped out you KNEW it was on.

Didn’t see any of these other flicks, though Boy and the World was probably better than Girl Meets World.

Best documentary feature:

“Amy” Asif Kapadia and James Gay-Rees

“Cartel Land” Matthew Heineman and Tom Yellin

“The Look of Silence” Joshua Oppenheimer and Signe Byrge Sørensen

“What Happened, Miss Simone?” Liz Garbus, Amy Hobby and Justin Wilkes

“Winter on Fire: Ukraine’s Fight for Freedom” Evgeny Afineevsky and Den Tolmor

The Look of SIlence sounds like an insane premise. An optician confronts the men who killed the brother that he never knew during the 1960s Indonesian genocide, as he is giving them eye exams. What. The winner is supposed to be Amy, and a doc about Amy Winehouse does sound very compelling.

I’d never heard of The Look of Silence until now, and reading Matt’s description -- holy shit, I didn’t see that coming (no pun-o). I imagine it’s like “1 or 2? 3 or 4? 1 or YOU KILLED BY BROTHER YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!”

Best foreign language film of the year:

“Embrace of the Serpent” Colombia

“Mustang” France

“Son of Saul” Hungary

“Theeb” Jordan

“A War” Denmark

Son of Saul seems like a frontrunner here, and it has a harrowing premise “During World War II, a Jewish worker (Géza Röhrig) at the Auschwitz concentration camp tries to find a rabbi to give a child a proper burial.” That’s heavy stuff.

No Goodnight Mommy?! That shit was WILD - and a great movie! It’s an Austrian joint (in German, natch), where a mother comes home from facial reconstructive surgery to her twin boys and something is...not right. The first two-thirds are hella anxious, and the last third delivers like the fuckin postman.

Achievement in cinematography:

“Carol” Ed Lachman

“The Hateful Eight” Robert Richardson

“Mad Max: Fury Road” John Seale

“The Revenant” Emmanuel Lubezki

“Sicario” Roger Deakins

Roger Deakins is likely gonna get rocked here again, while Lubezki scores his third straight win. I can’t even be mad. The Revenant looked gorgeous. I can’t tell what that means for cinematography, but it seems like Lubez did some sick work here. I mean, if you’re gonna put in all the work to both shoot only in natural lighting AND talk about a bunch in interviews, I guess you deserve the damn Oscar.

Roger Freaky-Deaky deserves the win for Sicario. Some harrowing stuff in there! I’ve seen 4 of the 5, and I’d be fine with any of them winning. 2015 was a great year for gorgeous-looking movies. Ed Lachman? They should’ve got Wally Balls behind the camera. He’d have brought some 70s-style class to Carol.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score):

“Bridge of Spies” Thomas Newman

“Carol” Carter Burwell

“The Hateful Eight” Ennio Morricone

“Sicario” Jóhann Jóhannsson

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” John Williams

Morricone is real, and he ain’t ever win an Oscar for any of his Westerns. Give the man his Oscar. I’m cool with it. Hateful Eight had some good haunting Western music. John Williams was cool, but it really felt like his score was too derivative of past stuff. My favorite stuff was Rey’s Theme in Jedi Steps, but we didn’t have anything as epic as the Duel of the Fates from the (barf) prequels.

Gotta be Sicario. I don’t even listen to instrumentals, but after I got home I immediately looked up the Sicario score online and jammed for like 15 minutes. That bass? Those horns??? The Drums????? AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!!! I’m working myself into a lather just remembering that ish. Morricone held it down in H8ful, but was still outclassed by JJ. Star Wars getting a nom here? LOL OK JOE.

Again, where was Creed? They slipped in that old Rocky theme during the motorbike scene and I almost lost my fucking mind.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song):

“Earned It” from “Fifty Shades of Grey” - Music and Lyric by Abel Tesfaye, Ahmad Balshe, Jason Daheala Quenneville and Stephan Moccio

“Manta Ray” from “Racing Extinction” - Music by J. Ralph and Lyric by Antony Hegarty

“Simple Song #3” from “Youth” - Music and Lyric by David Lang

“Til It Happens To You” from “The Hunting Ground” - Music and Lyric by Diane Warren and Lady Gaga

“Writing’s On The Wall” from “Spectre” - Music and Lyric by Jimmy Napes and Sam Smith

YO where is See You Again by Wiz? That was supposed to be a sure thing. That performance woulda been AWESOME at the show. Man f this category now.

They didn’t want to perform because then the world would know that Wiz is actually the one singing and Charlie Puth does the raps. I love me some Sam Smith, but that bond song was middling at best. It was no “Nobody Does it Better,” that’s for sure.

Earned It is a jam, so I wouldn’t be mad, but honestly? That whole 50 Shades of Grey Soundtrack is fire. Laura Welsh’s “Undiscovered” was one of my favorite songs in general last year, The Weeknd has two spots on there, throw in a cameo from Ellie Goulding and a couple of Beyonce remixes and you got yourself a damn party.

Achievement in sound editing:

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Mark Mangini and David White

“The Martian” Oliver Tarney

“The Revenant” Martin Hernandez and Lon Bender

“Sicario” Alan Robert Murray

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Matthew Wood and David Acord

Achievement in sound mixing:

“Bridge of Spies” Andy Nelson, Gary Rydstrom and Drew Kunin

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Chris Jenkins, Gregg Rudloff and Ben Osmo

“The Martian” Paul Massey, Mark Taylor and Mac Ruth

“The Revenant” Jon Taylor, Frank A. Montaño, Randy Thom and Chris Duesterdiek

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Andy Nelson, Christopher Scarabosio and Stuart Wilson

Achievement in visual effects:

“Ex Machina” Andrew Whitehurst, Paul Norris, Mark Ardington and Sara Bennett

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Andrew Jackson, Tom Wood, Dan Oliver and Andy Williams

“The Martian” Richard Stammers, Anders Langlands, Chris Lawrence and Steven Warner

“The Revenant” Rich McBride, Matthew Shumway, Jason Smith and Cameron Waldbauer

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Roger Guyett, Patrick Tubach, Neal Scanlan and Chris Corbould

Mad Max deserves all these awards. I’m cool with it. The Martian should give some props though for recording footage on Mars. That is an impressive feat, I’ll concede.

WHERE IS CREED????? Revenant? OH WOW THAT SNOW SOUNDS SO CRUNCHY SMDH.

But I’m not BITTER.

Achievement in costume design:

“Carol” Sandy Powell

“Cinderella” Sandy Powell

“The Danish Girl” Paco Delgado

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Jenny Beavan

“The Revenant” Jacqueline West

Achievement in makeup and hairstyling:

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Lesley Vanderwalt, Elka Wardega and Damian Martin

“The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed out the Window and Disappeared” Love Larson and Eva von Bahr

“The Revenant” Siân Grigg, Duncan Jarman and Robert Pandini

Mad Max all the way here. That dude with the double flaming guitar was the breakout star of the film! All those insane costumes are way better than anything in these other crapfests.

Also, shoutout to The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed out the Window and Disappeared. You made it! What does that movie even look like? Who knows? Who cares?! I’m pulling for it.

Achievement in production design:

“Bridge of Spies” Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Rena DeAngelo and Bernhard Henrich

“The Danish Girl” Production Design: Eve Stewart; Set Decoration: Michael Standish

“Mad Max: Fury Road” Production Design: Colin Gibson; Set Decoration: Lisa Thompson

“The Martian” Production Design: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Celia Bobak

“The Revenant” Production Design: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Hamish Purdy

It’s gotta be Mad Max, right? Them dudes created a whole new world! It was like Aladdin all over again! I mean, I GUESS the Martian was involved in a different world, but that was just some red dust flying around.

Revenant? Maybe if it was Leo in that horse’s ass the whole time.

[thenicedolphin]

Dramas on TV: Recommendations from Matt

I wanted to recommend three dramas that I've come to enjoy this summer. Each of them aren't super well-watched yet, and I thought it'd be fun to talk about them and hopefully get some friends into them. While I was at it, I figured to check in on other dramas I've watched in the past (on-air and off-air), to note what I think of them and where they can be watched. 

If friends wanna hear more recommendations, I can try a comedy post sometime too. 

Finds of the Summer

Mr. Robot (on USA and Hulu but I think both require a cable log-in) - a dumb title for the hottest show of the summer. I definitely doubted it being as good as people claimed, because of the title, it being on USA, and Christian Slater being in it. But ending its first season tomorrow, it is USA's strongest show to date. 

The main actor Rami Malek, who was also terrific in The Pacific, is so very good here. He gives an extremely likable performance. His fascinating lead character, combined with unique direction, frenetic pacing, and ballsy storytelling that hooks you from episode 1... it's the premiere season of the year.

Rectify (first two seasons on Netflix - third season just aired) - This show has very few viewers apparently, airing on Sundance Channel. I heard about it for a couple years as being like an indie film over the course of a TV show. The first two seasons are actually only 6 and 10 episodes each. It starts slow, but as the characters are rounded out and the story progresses, it is such a truly wonderful and mesmerizing story and setting. 

Daniel Holden is let out of death row after 19 years for his murder and rape convictions of his high school girlfriend. He goes back to his small (fictional) town in Georgia, where he must deal with his family, his new family (stepdad/brother/etc), how the world has changed around him, and how people still think he's guilty. Including the possibility that the case isn't over. Strong acting, good direction here again but at a different speed. Slower and more contemplative. It's beautiful and I care so much for the characters you're supposed to root for. 

Show Me A Hero (6 episode miniseries on HBO; available on HBO GO) - David Simon, the showrunner for The Wire and Treme, is at it again (and Paul Haggis, the director of Crash - a film I hate on but Haggis does good work here). This time he takes 6 hours to tell the true tale of the Yonkers, NY public housing saga. From IMDb's plot summary, "Mayor Nick Wasicsko took office in 1987 during Yonkers' worst crisis. When federal courts ordered public housing be built in the white, middle class side of town, it divided the city in a bitter battle fueled by fear, racism, murder and politics." Oscar Isaac (a hell of an actor, about to get mainstream famous in the next Star Wars and X-Men) is top-notch as the Wasicsko, who goes through so much in this story. In classic Simon fashion, he patiently tells stories of lots of characters. At first it seems like it doesn't even tie in well, but it connects powerfully by the end. As in another show, all the pieces matter. The show is super depressing in ways, in another classic Simon fashion, but it'll also challenge you to find hope in the frustration and hatred. But it probably will depress you big-time too, just a warning. 

Shows on air that I've been watching and will continue to rep:

The Americans (Amazon Prime) - 3 seasons in and this is maybe my favorite CURRENT drama. S3 towards the end was less strong for me, but the show does a crafty job of making you conflicted about rooting for two Soviet spies in the USA in the height of the Cold War, who both sympathetically love their family and also are cold-blooded about their spy work. It's a show that will make you tense, uncomfortable, worked up, and pumped up. Fargo (Amazon Prime, unsure if it's free) - This is a great reboot, separate from the movie, but keeping the style and feel of the movie. Lots of great actors in here, along with some really enjoyable storytelling. Fun and bleak. Season 1 was a self-contained story worth checking out with some stars like Martin Freeman and Billy Bob Thornton and a great lead performance by previous unknown Allison Tolman. Colin Hanks has a strong role here too. Season 2 is premiering soon, and some stars are hopping in there too, like Kirsten Dunst, Ted Danson, Patrick Wilson, and Jesse Plemons (LANDRY!). 

Shows I'm iffy on:

The Walking Dead (Netflix for past seasons) - Every year, I debate if I'll keep watching. Every year, I feel like it does enough interesting things to keep me watching (while not paying as much attention like I do to other dramas). To anyone who ever wants to start it, Season 2 is known as being slow in particular. 

Homeland (Showtime) - I may not watch this year. But I feel similarly to Homeland as I do to Walking Dead. Though Season 1 and the first half of Season 2 are classic, and can basically be treated as their own brilliant miniseries. 

House of Cards (Netflix) - I have not watched Season 3. I'm not sure I will. I'm not really crazy about it. 

True Detective SEASON 2 (HBO GO)- This was not great. I wouldn't recommend it. Season 1 is still classic. Old shows that I still love and recommend strongly.

The Wire (HBO GO, Amazon) - my favorite show, the show I consider the best drama. Heartbreaking, fascinating, well-done. I’ve written plenty about it before. I can link you if you wanna read up about why you should check it out. 

Breaking Bad (Netflix) - the next favorite. Great. Most of you have seen this if you watch dramas.

Mad Men (Netflix) - great, but slower, and I've noticed it has its share of detractors.

Friday Night Lights (Netflix) - Great overall... very weak S2. 

Old shows that I and really enjoy but recommend less strongly:

Justified (Amazon Prime) - slow first half of first season. Good, enjoyable, and lots 

Hannibal (Amazon Prime) - newly off air - very weird, violent, and unusual - not for everyone

[thenicedolphin]

True Detective S2E4 Recap: I Thought it was Spelled “Loosh”

Aww, yeah we're gettin it in ON TIME! Keep your eyes peeled for a big facebook post about it. Because everyone's way more likely to check the blog before facebook.

Also, the SPOILERS warning is finally relevant! And there is a heavily-veiled Friday Night Lights spoiler, somehow.

Without further ado, the first on-time True Detective recap of the season:

Yeah, we'll get to the shootout or whatever later, but first things first: my girl is BACK and lookin FOINE (well, technically she popped up last week, but I probably slept through it, smdfh). That's right, the original Jessie's Girl checked in as Mayor Chessani's disenchanted daughter, and frankly I couldn't be more pleased. Now that Brock is buried in a shallow grave under some lily of the valley and she got kicked out of East Dillon High, apparently she's got nothing but time on her hands.

Really digging the "prestige TV" crossover potential here. Did Epyck and Riggins ever share the screen in Friday Night Lights? Probably not, but who cares? Oh and eff Friday Night Lights for failing to have D'Angelo do a scene with Wallace. Like damn man, let me have this, ya know? Still, the top floor of that building exploding was some real Heisenberg shit. All we need now is Todd/Landry to show up as a manic, gun-toting bass player.

I'm starting to feel real bad for Frank. Not only is his dongpiece on the fritz, dude had to go back to shaking down bakeries and apartment buildings just to afford his word-a-day calendars. Speaking of, I get clowning the guy for using the word "louche," especially since he referenced how obscure it was, but were people really that put off by him saying "apoplectic" and "stridency?" Read a fucking book, you rubes.

The final action sequence was pretty great, and while it felt like a bit of a knock-off of the epic Beaumont scene from last season, that probably has more to do with the timing (both happened at the end of E4) than anything else. Well, the timing and the copious gunplay.

Due to the grave consequences of bum rushing a meth lab and getting dozens of people killed, this is likely where there's a major break in the narrative, like when last season shifted to the present and Marty and Rust continued the investigation on their own, without police support.

Nostradolphin prediction of the week: S2E5 is where the show shifts into overdrive. There will be a 2-4 month flash forward. The law enforcement higher-ups pin Caspere's death on the dead pimp (a la Reggie LeDoux), and our three true detectives are likely removed from their respective forces as fallout. HOWEVA, Frank keeps up the investigation because he's the only one with a real stake in finding Caspere's killer, as one dead pimp doesn't bring back his $5 million. Also, it's revealed that the shootout was a set up, possibly by the fat, dead cop (before he died). Frank, who's more or less been in his own show the whole time, uses Ray to recruit Ani and Riggs to form a lil super squad to expose the conspiracy in Vinci.

The conspiracy itself is another story. Frankly, I have no idea what's going on, which is disappointing because when it's time for the shocking reveal, I want to be shocked immediately, not the next day when I read about it online. I am taking solace in the fact that after reading all the Wikipedia episode summaries, it seems like we aren't SUPPOSED to know what all the connections are. Just gotta pray it all comes back to Chessani's girl.

[thenicedolphin]

True Detective S2E3 Recap: Look at Me, I Am the Mayor Now

Better late than never, right? Right?! RIGHT???!!!!!

Spoilers ahead, though since S2E4 has already aired, you should probably be caught up by now.

I gotta admit, I sat down to write this a few days ago, and I honestly couldn't remember a damn thing that happened other than Ray and Ani chasing that guy in the paper plate mask and Riggins being gay. I had to get Matt to recite the plot of this episode to me like The Notebook, so I could be lucid enough for the five minutes it took write this post.

I only fell asleep once, when Riggs was talking to his buddy. I woke up to Riggs throwing bombs and the guy yelling "I was drunk!" According to Matt, the buddy was longing for the days in the village, where they shared a fox hole. Matt described it as "def a brokeback type story." 

So yeah, ya boy was 2 for 2 on predictions. Velcro is alive and Riggs is totally gay. Somehow Riggins made it into the club with Frank, but he wasn't able to act on his proximity to the big man, due to visible discomfort. In his pants.

This episode was Ani's turn to have a brush with death. Gotta love how Ray leveraged Ani almost dying, IMMEDIATELY after it happened. Dude was trying to figure out how to get the goods all night, and a barreling semi was just the opening he needed. Pretty sure the driver was wearing a bird mask!!!

Frank is a pretty neat character. It's refreshing that he's not an all-powerful villain, and instead is just an average schmo with a limp dick. Still, it was cool to see him knock out that guy's teeth then keep them in his pocket like some miserable tooth fairy. Kinda makes you wonder about Owen Wilson's busted-up nose.

Really liked how when Mrs. Frank propositioned her husband he's like "Maybe tomorrow." How did he know that was the name of the episode??? Remember, there are NO COINCIDENCES on this show!

The scene at the mayor's mansion was a hot mess. First of all, who the hell is even the mayor? Is it the mayor's son who is ACTUALLY the mayor? Who's that woman? Is she the nanny? The granny? Both? Neither? Is SHE the mayor too?Loved the son explaining away his faux-accent by being like "oh, different roles, ya knoe..." and the detectives just roll with it. Maybe it's an LA thing.

Against all odds, I'm somehow still liking this show. Was I entertained? I don't even know! Is this season sucking? Kind of!

S2E3 was hella disjointed, like Joe Theismann's leg in TV show form. But eff it, I'll be back next week (lol) as True Detective reaches the halfway mark!

[thenicedolphin]

True Detective S2E2 Recap: Velcoro Still Alive, They Just Concealin’ It

One day these recaps will be on time! A week late, but never dull, TND is back with its recap of True Detective S2E2!

Note: S2E2 spoilers are coming fast, like a shotgun blast to the nuts. Hit the jump for TND’s signature brand of insight and dick jokes.

First things first, there’s no way Velcoro is dead. Yeah, sure he got shot twice in brutal fashion, but cmon. From a “meta” perspective, if Velcoro’s out of the picture, is the show really ready to go all-in on Ani’s porno habit and Riggins’ Trapped in the Closet Vol. 38? Nah man, they aren’t. Plus, in trailers for TD S2, Velcoro appears in some scenes that haven’t happened yet. While, that’s no guarantee (plus there will be flashbacks), it’s a good indicator that we haven’t seen the last of Ray.

So if he’s still alive, what gives? The obvious money is on Vince Vaughn sending a message to Ray, via some rubber bullets/rock salt pellets, after Ray showed up to the restaurant all clammy and knock-kneed. Still, with that scene JUST having happened, that explanation feels a little too A-to-B for a show like this.

Also interesting, apparently Jessie’s Girl had a painting in his office of a bird that looked like the one the shooter was wearing on his head. Let the mass speculation and major disappointment begin!

At first I wasn’t sure if Velcoro was in his or Caspere’s apartment when he got blasted. It made sense that it was Caspere’s because of the occult sex theme, but how great would it have been if he and Ray shared the same taste? Like a witch sex phase was sweeping through Cali, and everyone was cool with it.

Caspere, though. Man. Nothin sexy about a shotgun blast to the gonads. They really just dropped that shit on us too. It’s one thing to see a man whose eyeballs have been scooped out, but that quick cut to the blank spot where his genitals used to be? Cmon man, I could’ve been eating a hoagie!

That opening monologue by Vince Vaughn was BRUTAL. And not in a good way. If you recall my several valiant efforts to watch S2E1, as it turns out, I did watch the first 10-15 minutes of S2E2 and just totally suppressed those memories, because wow. Yes, I ended up watching a blue-lit floating head yak about his daddy issues for 6+ minutes twice. Really felt his pain of being trapped in the basement eating rats.

Riggins is totally gay. If a character says the word ‘f*g’ and the writers might want to make him likable at some point, then he’s gotta be a closeted homosexual. That’s just rules of the road. Plus, he’ll use his gayness to prove that he wasn’t soliciting the road-side BJ. Also, when he was gettin sucked on by his girlfriend, he was looking up and off into the distance. He was tryin to imagine a man down there! Shoot, maybe he should try vaping.

Riggs getting all-but-molested by his mamma had some serious Game of Thrones nastiness to it. Speaking of Game of Thrones, what’s with the trend of TV characters having names with absurd spellings that you don’t realize until you look them up on Wikipedia? Paul Woodrough? Ben Caspere? Shit is indecipherable.

And can we just agree to call him Ray Velcro? Would really make it easier on my undiagnosed dyslexia.

[thenicedolphin]

True Detective S2E1 Recap: Kingpin Takes L.A.

Well, well, well. Look at what’s emerged from the mothballs: TND’s critically-acclaimed television recaps! This latest installment will take on True Detective’s second season. Though it’s already two episodes deep, I’ve only seen one, so we’re starting from the beginning.

If you HAVEN’T seen True Dick S2E1, there may or may not be spoilers in this post (hint: there are spoilers).

Okay first off: are they filming this shit in dog years? For every hour of programming, it takes me seven to finish it. Twice, I fell asleep watching this. And one of those times I wasn’t even tired! On the third take, I was finally able to power through the remaining 37 minutes without dozing off.

Everyone’s talking about the bully scene, and while Silicon Valley did it better, I appreciated the hilariously raw threats Ray exacted on this 12 year old punk. Butt-fucking the kid’s father on the front lawn while the headless corpse of his mother looks on is some really specific terror. Kinda makes me long for the days when mowing another man’s yard was all you needed to stir up some anxiety.

Ray reached deep into his bag of insults to come up with “Ass-pen,” though the line about “Isn’t this what you like?” was pretty inspired. Really drives home the message that the kid brought this beatdown on himself.

Also, man was it just me or was the mother homely as hell? Really made the pain more intense, like even if you live, your life is terrible, ya know?

Moving on, Vince Vaughn is basically playing Kingpin from Daredevil. Same cadence, similar-type origin story, similar-type ladyfriend. I’m not mad, just hope it ends with him leaving a string of increasingly-awkward messages for Ray.

The lady cop seems dumb as hell. Ragging on her porno sister, then getting up in Daddy Gandalf’s grill? Calm yo beard, woman. All mad because the sister’s doin the camgirl thing. “Can’t you get a real job?! Like be an ACTUAL stripper???”

I’m loving Riggins as the Blow Job Cop. Honestly, dude could just be playing Timmy Riggins a few years down the road. Mostly, I enjoy his predilection for BJs being his defining character trait, and while Matt made sure to mention that he didn’t solicit the first BJ, he still looked like the type that would be game. Really kept the character consistent.

All this is to say that I’m still kinda digging the show. It’s lacking the spark of season one, and the scenery of “Vinci” isn’t nearly as captivating at the Louisiana swamps, but I’m on board and eager to see what kind of fellacious shenanigans the cast gets up to in S2E2!

Would’ve been fitting if Riggs tried to get the corpse to toss him a beej.

[thenicedolphin]

2014-15 NBA Playoffs: The Educated Preview

You know how all those other pundits give you limp-dicked playoff prognostications based on less than nothing? That’s because they’re all too eager to be the first ones to spout off some nonsense. Here at TND, we take our time and do everything right. Waiting until all the Game 2s have been played allows us to give greater insight and perspective not only on the current serieseseses, but on the ‘offs as a whole.

Without further ado, our NBA Playoff Preview!

*WARNING: This post contains Sixth Sense spoilers*

We Need to Talk About Kevin

The Pelicans nabbing the eighth seed is significant for two reasons:

1. Anthony Davis gets that first taste of playoff experience as a number-one option in a low-pressure situation. Davis is already a star and barring any catastrophic injury, is the future of the league. Unlike general chumps Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love, and Michael Jordan, he didn’t wait until the team around him improved to get himself a slice of the playoff pie. He put the whole city on his back and did the damn thing himself.

As the eighth seed going up against a historically great Warriors team, no one expects the Pelicans to win more than one game, through no fault of their own. The Ws are just that good. So Davis gets a great opportunity to get that experience early in his career, play a seven-game series against true greatness, learn from it, and keep his career on a sharp trajectory.

And on the low, I’m a huge Eric Gordon fan (shut up), so I’m happy to see him and Tyreke Evans get it on in the post-season.

2. It cements Kevin Durant’s legacy as a garbage pail player who doodoo jumped his way to the dregs of the league. Last year, we covered the scandal that was Game 7 of the Western Conference Semis. ICYMI, the Grizzlies had shockingly taken the heavily-favored Thunder to the limit, Z-Bo was rollin’ and KD was nowhere to be found. In fact, the whole team shriveled up like a frightened turtle at just the thought of stepping on the hardwood at the Grindhouse. So of course KD got on the white phone, called the league office, and had Z-Bo suspended for Game 7. For no reason. They literally went back, looked at the tape of Game 6, found an instance where Z-Bo bumped into a Thunder player, and used that as justification for him having to sit out. There wasn’t even a foul called on the play!!!

This year KD took it a step further. Knowing his Thunder would get hoed out by pretty much any other team in the West, he dodged the playoffs altogether. Pathetic. I clowned KD’s MVP speech last year, saying he was up there crying like he had a terminal illness. Shoot, maybe I was right. That speech was KD’s Gehrig-esque farewell to playing competitive basketball. Sure he might suit up again next season, but now that he’s been exposed, he doesn’t stand a chance in the league. Thunder might as well put him in a damn mascot outfit. Get something out of that max contract.

The rest of the Thunder kinda suck too. Russell Westbrook is a psychopath who can put up a triple double whenever, but as “the man,” that win column stays in the single digits. Scotty Brooks makes Randy Wittman look like Malcolm X. And you KNOW Presti is in his luxury box whipping himself like dude in The Da Vinci Code, one lash for every point Harden scores in the ‘offs. That one year of Kevin Martin really came in handy, bro.

Off to See the Wizard of Bad Offense

This isn’t as exciting of a year for the Wiz as 2013-14. Last year’s surprise run raised expectations, as it should have. A team with John Wall and some solid players should have a good chance at contention. With the right roster moves for supporting players and the right coach, this team should have been dangerous in the East. At the very least a 3 seed behind the Hawks and Cavs.

Welp.

After not really adding anyone of significance to the roster (Paul Pierce notwithstanding), the team lingered at the 5 spot during the tail end of the season. Players like Bradley Beal and King Otto III, while improving, didn’t step up to the level that would make the Wiz true contenders. Even worse, Randy Wittman is our first official garbage pail coach (a whiteboard only has so many sides, dude) and should have been fired yesterday. Ernie Grunfeld is a garbage pail GM who refers to the three-point line and shot clock as “newfangled sissy-boy inventions.” The best I can hope for with this pair of shoes running the team is that the Wiz stay above the line of mediocrity.

The Hawks will beat the Wiz if they play in the second round. They’re a superior team. But the Raptors are right there with the Wiz. Underwhelming season after some early high expectations, and a cast that doesn’t have it together. Don’t get me STARTED on how Lowry helped destroy my fantasy basketball team. The Wiz could still win. And then fire Wittman.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Busts

I know what you’re thinking: “DUH, Blake Griffin!” And you’d be right! After getting drafted by the Clippers, before he even set foot on an NBA court, I called BG out as a bust. I’d seen him play in person while he was at Oklahoma and let’s just say I was less than impressed. Getting bullied down low by Trey Stanton and bullied on the bench by his big bro, I could tell Blake didn’t have what it would take to succeed in the NBA.

Sure enough, his first season in the pros he didn’t score a damn point. Five years and one slam dunk contest championship later, Blake STILL hasn’t done anything in the league. Although to be fair, he did take his first steps in living up to bizarrely-high expectations by planting Aron Baynes in a shallow grave in Game 1 against the Spurs.

But I’m not here to talk about Blake. I’m here to talk about Chris Paul. I like Chris Paul. A lot. I think about him at night. When I’m under the covers.

/takes break from writing //leaves for 10 minutes ///resumes writing

I once ranked CP3 as the best player in the league (Summer of 2011), and somehow people didn’t even really disagree. That being said, dude has GOT to do something in the ‘offs. The Clippers got dealt a shit hand by getting matched up with the Spurs in the first round, but if you wanna be the man, you gotta beat the man (fitting quote, as Pop’s skin is almost as leathery as Ric Flair’s). Paul is still trying to cake off that time he took the Spurs to the limit in the second round when all he had to work with was David West and a pot of gumbo. That was seven years ago, bro. Tha Carter III hadn’t come out yet! The country had never had a black President! Alan Sepinwall had hair!

I’m just sayin: CP3 I love you, but if you don’t step up, you’re getting fried.

A Dirk Walks Home Alone at Night

If you didn’t know already, I’m a Rockets fan. So from that perspective I’m enjoying 2015 Dirk Nowitzki. From a general basketball fan’s perspective, it’s so fucking sad. Dirk always looked kinda ghoulish, but now he moves like one too. Dude just kind of hovers around the elbow on offense, looking to stroke his patented 15-footer, like a dead body that still twitches due to muscle memory. Dirk was never the greatest defender, but now he really is a ghost on defense, as players run right through him as if...he wasn’t even there. I was hella unsettled watching Game 1, feeling like Haley Joel Osment but better looking. I wonder if Dirk knows why his wife keeps ignoring him on their anniversary???

Contrast this with the Spurs. Man, after all these years, Timmy D is looking as fresh as ever. It’s like him and Dirk were conjoined twins and Duncan just sucked all the life force out of him, leaving a little German husk.

Sure Parker is terrible on defense now, and Ginobili’s bald spot is more like a bald expanse (seriously man, get a yarmulke, a toup, or something), but this is offset by last year’s Finals MVP Kawhi Leonard. Leonard is the latest model from Popovich’s clone factory to play significant minutes for San Antonio. I look forward to my grandkids telling me stories about Kawhi in 2072 because he’s dunking on no-defense-playing Damian Lillard III and I’ve lost my vision, so I can’t see the TV.

The Untalented Mr. Irving

Our man, infrequent TND contributor Kavi, is a big-time Cleveland fan. Home-grown and hoping for that championship. Is this the year?

Vegas gave the Cavs the top odds of all playoff teams. Now, this seems more to do with them likely coming out of the East. I imagine that once the West is settled, the Warriors/Spurs/whoever would be the favorites heads-up against the Cavs. And I think that should be the case.

The Cavs are a team still in the making. Hard on the outside and doughy on the inside. Like Kendrick Perkins. I could see them being the favorite for sure next year (especially if Love stays, which he won’t), but not this year against the top of the West. I am definitely curious about the Cavs’ storylines though. Will Blatt continue to be emasculated as a glorified towel boy? Will Love be happy with his role on the team? Will the media criticism go through the roof if the Cavs fall behind in a series? Will people keep believing that Kyrie isn’t just benefiting from the greatness of LeBron and accept that he’s just a decent-to shitty point guard?

This is gonna be an exciting team to follow. If you want drama, root for close Cavs series.

HAWKS (like LAWST)

What a story! In December, I was making fun of how the Hawks would end up losing in the first round again after taking some contender to 6 games and how I was looking forward to the Wizards playing in Atlanta. Then I saw the Hawks live in January in the middle of the ridiculous winning streak. Teague and Korver straight up eviscerated Randy Wittman’s colon.

The Hawks were so good during that stretch, and now everyone is writing them off as losing to the Cavs, lock it in. I’m not completely sold. The Hawks are such a machine when they’re clicking, and Buden is a hell of a coach. You’re telling me Coach LeBron and the Corpse of Blatt can totally stifle the Hawks’ pass and shoot domination? How will the Cavs react when Kyle Korver starts raining threes and there’s nowhere for Love and Kyrie to run to except the bomb shelter that is Lebron’s shadow. I’m just saying, it’s gonna be a challenge.

Oh Z-Bo, Where Art Thou?

Taking out the trash in Memphis, that’s where! Loved seeing the #GRIZZPARTY decimate the Blazers. Felt good.

Everyone’s writing off both the Grizzlies and Blazers, for various reasons of various degrees of legitimacy.

Memphis was hot to start the year, but Mike Conley coming down with a case of club foot and the team STILL refusing to sign an outside shooter has dampened the mood surrounding #GRIZZPARTY. Seriously though, regarding the lack of a legit three-point shooter, Memphis hasn’t had one since Shane Battier! Q-Pon was okay last year, but cmon. This has been Memphis’s weakness like the last five seasons and they won’t do anything about it!

/puts on tape of Grizzlies/Spurs 2011 (yeah i was TAPING it) //thinks about printing #GRIZZPARTY t-shirts for the fifth year in a row ///doesn’t

Portland though? Maybe I’m still salty after last year and F. Lillard’s antics, but why the hell is this team so horrible? Yeah, Wesley Matthews is out for the season, but it’s not like he’s the damn glue! Or is he? Shoot, they picked up Arron Afflalo and he’s better than Matthews! Maybe other teams figured out that F. Lillard couldn’t guard Matt Maloney right today. Portland is awful and I can’t wait for them to get bounced with the quickness.

Tom Thibodeau’s The Butler

Turns out Outkast was right: Rose really does smell like doodoo. Rose is never gonna be old Rose. We’re looking at a team that’s deep without a true star (unless you wanna argue for Noah or Butler, in which case you’d be wrong). But they are deep. Like the ocean of tears I cried when Cal Ripken, Jr. finally sat his old ass down for a game, or when that kid caught that ball. And they got Thibs, who may get pushed out this offseason (THIBS2DC WHERE’S MY COMING HOME MONTAGE???). Still, they’re gonna be a tough team, and I’m excited to watch some playoff games with Pau Gasol. That guy has not been in my postseason life enough in recent years.

The Nets, the Bucks, and Everyone We Wish We Didn’t Know

Shrug. The other East teams aren’t worth paying too much attention to. They’ll lose. Maybe the Bucks will do something exciting. Maybe next year the Heat will contend in the East. Remember when people thought the Nets were going to dominate with Deron, Joe Johnson, KG, and Pierce? LOL wow.

Untitled James Lebron Project (2016)

There are three contenders for the belt this year: the San Antonio Spurs, the Golden State Warriors, and the Cleveland Cavaliers. This post-season will play out much like Lebron’s first season in Miami; clearly the team is good, and will reach the Finals, but they need another year to gel and get fine-tuned before winning a few chips. This is Kyrie and Kevin Love’s first taste of the playoffs, and if the regular season is any indication, they’re going to suck.

A similar inexperience problem will likely plague the Warriors, as the Spurs teach them a lesson in the WCF before dispatching James Lebron AGAIN in the Finals.

And I’m sorry fellow Rockets fans, this still isn’t our year (no reverse jinx-o or whatever, I’m just talkin, man). The injury to Motiejunas and the failure to pick up a competent PG at the trade deadline will do us in. Man, like nine decent PGs were traded at the deadline, and we couldn’t get one?! Smdfh. Beverley being hurt is addition by subtraction at this point. So yeah, if the team is healthy and upgraded at the PG position, the Rockets could rise to true-contender status next year, before Dwight becomes the new Yao (and not in a good way).

Playoff Picks

Note: Picks were made before the playoffs started. You can doubt us on this, but once you see how terrible they end up being, you’ll know.

Matt’s Picks:

First Round - East Hawks in 4 Cavs in 5 Bulls in 6 Wizards in 6

First Round - West Warriors in 5 Rockets in 6 Spurs in 7 Grizzlies in 6

Second Round - East Hawks in 5 Cavs in 6

Second Round - West Warriors in 6 Spurs in 6

ECF Cavs in 7

WCF Warriors in 6

Finals Warriors in 5

Alex’s Picks:

First Round - East Hawks in 5 Cavaliers in 6 Bulls in 5 Raptors in 7

First Round - West Warriors in 4 Rockets in 7 Spurs in 6 Grizzlies in 7

Second Round - East Hawks in 6 Cavaliers in 7

Second Round - West Warriors in 5 Spurs in 6 (but a bullshit 6)

ECF Cavaliers in 6 (another bullshit 6 -- the Hawks are the kings of the BS 6)

WCF Spurs in 6 (legitimate 6)

Finals Spurs in 6

[thenicedolphin]

Oscar Analysis with Biting Commentary: 2015 Edition!

It’s time for the third annual Oscars post (links to: 2014 and 2013), where Matt provides useful thoughts about the Oscars, and Alex cuts them down with rude, mocking comments. Matt will be in regular font, Alex will come in with the bold. It’s riveting formatting, truly.

Best Picture “American Sniper” “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” “Boyhood” “The Grand Budapest Hotel” “The Imitation Game” “Selma” “The Theory of Everything” “Whiplash”

There are 8 nominations. I have seen all of them. I know, I realize this makes you think I’m the coolest guy around. Thanks, man.

The main contenders apparently are Birdman and Boyhood. After being the frontrunner for most of awards season, Boyhood seems to be losing steam as Birdman has won a few of the key awards given out in the awards-sphere. Or so I’ve read.

My personal favorites of the ones I’ve seen? I thought Boyhood was terrific, for starters. I think it’s faced some interesting reception since it came out last summer. Critical views on it can say that it was too lacking in story or too much of a gimmick. I can understand that to an extent, but for me, the movie was such an incredible experience and made up enough interesting story scenes. The gimmick wasn’t a cheap gimmick to me; I thought it was a useful story structure that was well-executed to convey the childhood of Mason and show the life stories of his parents. I think it’d be a terrific film to win Best Picture.

Birdman is a well-done movie that I didn’t like as much as I had hoped. It’s really brilliantly shot and there’s some great acting, but the film as a whole didn’t do it for me as much as some of these others. If it wins, it’s not my favorite choice. Selma was a great film to watch, and I wish it had gotten more nominations. Whiplash is probably my favorite movie besides Boyhood. It has a riveting story of a student trying to appease his insane teacher, and the two main performances are great. Miles Teller and JK Simmons really go at it. I loved the movie’s ending too.

Imitation Game was a fine movie with shaky storytelling and some solid performances. I wish it had been better… Turing’s life was great but that doesn’t mean the movie is. Grand Budapest Hotel is terrific and might be my favorite Wes Anderson movie so far (that is, besides The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders). Theory of Everything was fine, anchored by two good performances. American Sniper was pretty riveting and intense, a good war movie. Best Picture winner? Nah. If you want a Clint Eastwood Best Picture, check out Unforgiven (but not Million Dollar Baby; get outta here with that). I’ve enjoyed this year’s batch of Oscar noms mostly. I hope to see Boyhood cap that with a win.

I’ve seen a little over five of the eight Best Picture nominees. I realize this doesn’t make me as cool as Matt, but that’s a pretty tough bar to reach. I didn’t get around to Theory of Everything or Selma, and I saw 20 minutes of Boyhood before the “power” went out in the “theater” where I was watching it after “paying for” a “ticket.”

It’s a little awkward picking Best Picture not having seen one of the two favorites, but due to the political nature of the awards-sphere (phrase copyright by Matt), I don’t feel like actually watching the movies is necessary when evaluating their chances of winning. Ever since Matt introduced me to goldderby.com, I check that shit like a day trader. Look at Selma: Rotten Tomatoes has it getting 194 positive reviews and THREE negative ones. And it wasn’t out a week before the general consensus had it winning like zero awards because it didn’t “campaign” hard enough. It’s a damn movie, what’s it supposed to do? It came out, isn’t that enough for a fair evaluation?

That being said, there’s not a bad movie in the bunch, with Birdman being my favorite of the ones I’ve seen. It’s a much smaller movie than I was expecting, and the amazing cinematography made it even more claustrophobic. Riveting performances, several layers of story, and some genuine laughs made it a great film. Matt just takes anything that could be construed as criticizing Batman very personally.

Whiplash was the most consistently entertaining of the movies I saw, though it had the built-in advantage of being about cool jazz music, so the extended performance scenes definitely spiced things up. It felt a little disjointed though, with three very distinct acts. Also, was JK Simmons just fucking with him or was he really dragging/rushing? This seemed important to the story and since no one ever threw a cymbal at my head, I’m not sure.

American Sniper was a good war flick, and I think the jingoisitic criticisms are a little unfair. Until the ending, Clint does a good job of staying objective and showing both sides of the same war-time coin. Not best picture worthy, but a solid film.

The Imitation Game was a solid film, but didn’t really stand out as particularly great in any one way. Kind of like Argo. Grand Budapest Hotel wasn’t terrible, but probably my least favorite of the BP noms that I saw. It felt toned-down for a Wes Anderson film (thank goodness), but digging through the layers of the story-within-a-story-within-a-story PLUS all the quirky nonsense made it really hard to connect with anything happening on screen.

And yeah, that first twenty minutes of Boyhood was pretty great. Loved the part where he sucked at bowling. I could totally relate.

Director “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Alejandro G. Iñárritu “Boyhood” Richard Linklater “Foxcatcher” Bennett Miller “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Wes Anderson “The Imitation Game” Morten Tyldum

I think this one is coming down to Birdman and Boyhood too. When it comes down to it, I just want my boy Linklater to get an Oscar this year. So I’ll be rooting for him here. Iñárritu would certainly be worthy too though, as the direction of the film was so great, and probably better in my opinion than the writing and the story. Though maybe Bennett Miller deserves it, since I assume he helped improve upon a terrible crappy screenplay.

I’ve never heard of Morten Tyldum, but that’s a weird name. I wish Chazelle for Whiplash or DuVernay for Selma had gotten the nom here instead of Miller and Tyldum, but shrug.

I’m surprised Matt doesn’t have more love for Imitation Game, since it’s like the 1930s version of Her. I’ll be fine with either Inarritu (too lazy to access the special keys) or Linklater. Really as long as Wes Anderson gets shut out I won’t complain too much.

Again, it’s so bizarre how Selma was shut out here so decisively. It’s almost like there’s another reason besides technical evaluation that it’s not getting recognized...

Actor Steve Carell in “Foxcatcher” Bradley Cooper in “American Sniper” Benedict Cumberbatch in “The Imitation Game” Michael Keaton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Eddie Redmayne in “The Theory of Everything”

Let me take the time to say that Foxcatcher was not a great movie. Let’s say it’s an OK movie with some good performances that didn’t add up to much beyond a straightforward lackluster retelling of some real life stuff. Carell was good but would I have taken him over Oyelowo bringing MLK to the screen in Selma or Jake Gyllenhaal being insane in Nightcrawler or shoot, Miles Teller in Whiplash? Hell no. We aren’t giving out Oscar noms here at TND for effort. That was a good performance that made me appreciate Carell some more and also made me think, why did this get so much critical acclaim? Are we praising our comedic actors for any non-comedic turn they do? Then why didn’t Seth Rogen get an Oscar nom for The Green Hornet? (Prediction, jokes aside: he actually does get a Best Supporting Actor nom next year for the Steve Jobs movie).

Redmayne is the frontrunner. I’m amazed that he’s 33; Les Mis made him seem like he was 12 years old. He was quite good with his performance of Stephen Hawking, and a win for him would be deserving considering a teenage boy actor like him managed to play Hawking at like, age 45 (I’m guessing). Keaton was great in Birdman, so I wouldn’t be mad with him winning, although him claiming in an interview that he’s the complete opposite of his Birdman character was a good ol’ joke to try to make himself seem more deserving of a Best Actor win. Cooper was great in Sniper, and he definitely deserves props for getting a third straight acting nom, and I thought Cumberbatch was pretty good in Imitation Game, but not so much that I want him to win. Can we just surprise the world and give it to Chris Pratt for Guardians of the Galaxy? That performance was FRESH.

It’s gotta be Keaton. Cumberbatch and Cooper were great, but their performances didn’t quite define the movie the way Keaton’s did for Birdman. Eddie Redmayne? I have no idea what Matt’s talking about. How old is he? 33? A teenager? Is he dead? And Theory of Everything? I have a theory: that movie SUCKS. I had a chance to see it for free and I passed. I gave the passes to my sister and even she didn’t want to see it.

And if Mickey Rourke didn’t win for The Wrestler, then Carrell better not for Foxcatcher. At least Rourke’s movie was about REAL wrestling.

Actress Marion Cotillard in “Two Days, One Night” Felicity Jones in “The Theory of Everything” Julianne Moore in “Still Alice” Rosamund Pike in “Gone Girl” Reese Witherspoon in “Wild”

Word on the street is that Julianne Moore is a shoo-in. I haven’t seen her film. But I’m excited for her to win an Oscar! Julianne Moore is great. She’ll do a Boston accent in 30 Rock or rock out in some PT Anderson films or be a BAMF in Children of Men. I’m all about Julianne. Give her the Oscar. She deserves it for suffering through Lost World with Jeff Goldblum probably talking her ear off between filming scenes.

Felicity Jones was good in Theory, and she also apparently played someone named Felicia in Amazing Spider-man 2 (talk about a coincidence!). My main other thought here is that Rosamund Pike crushed it in Gone Girl. She won’t win the Oscar, but hey, give it to her for seeming like a breakout star after Die Another Day (what? That was just me?) and getting the big-time role after being like, the 5th sister in Pride and Prejudice and the anonymous female lead in those Clash of the Titans movies.

Apparently I’m alone in this, but Pike was TERRIBLE in Gone Girl. She was outshone by freakin’ Madea. Admittedly, the movie is pretty far-fetched, but her performance was the only one that didn’t seem at least grounded in reality. She was cold and robotic the whole time. Where was Amazing Amy?!

I haven’t seen any of these other movies, but I will NOT stand for Matt talking trash about Jeff Goldblum. The man was in The Big Chill, for goodness sakes. I’d love for him to talk my ear off between takes. I bet he’s got great stories.

Supporting Actor Robert Duvall in “The Judge” Ethan Hawke in “Boyhood” Edward Norton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Mark Ruffalo in “Foxcatcher” J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash”

Once again, let me just say how lame Foxcatcher was. If it had been a better film, Ruffalo’s character would have had more screentime, and maybe he woulda had a shot at a win. He was good, but do I look at this list and go, oh man, give it to Ruffalo? (Answer: no).

The frontrunner here is deserving though. JK Simmons nails his role of a tyrant who is seeking genius in the bandroom. You despise him, you’re riveted by him, you’re convinced of Simmons in the role. It’s awesome. He’s so, so good in it.

Hawke is solid in Boyhood, and good for him for getting a nom. He was a solid supporting presence throughout the film as Mason’s dad and I dug how they took his story. Norton is great per usual in Birdman, though I wish he had more to do (in a supporting role even… it seemed like they didn’t do enough with him).

I’ve gotta agree with Matt here. Simmons was fantastic as the nutso bandleader. He never let his character fall into “crusty teacher with his students’ best interests at heart” territory. He gave Fletcher enough depth and nuance that you hated him, but loved every minute he was on screen.

Anything from The Judge getting nominated is a joke. Not that I saw the movie, but I did see two distinct trailers for it, one as a taut legal thriller and the other as a farcical family comedy. I almost died of embarrassment. The sooner The Judge fades from public consciousness, the better.

Norton was great in Birdman (credit to Matt for typing out the full title each time), and would be a shoo-in any other year except this one, due to Simmons. Hawke was excellent in that bowling scene.

Supporting Actress Patricia Arquette in “Boyhood” Laura Dern in “Wild” Keira Knightley in “The Imitation Game” Emma Stone in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Meryl Streep in “Into the Woods”

Arquette is the frontrunner here, and that’s good, because she really took this role and hit it out of the park. As Mason’s main parent and the frustrated mother throughout the story, she is able to take her scenes and convincingly show the effects of life and the way she molds her children too. Arquette was the known lead with the most screentime and she anchors the film with her work.

Emma Stone is cool in Birdman, and Keira Knightley is pretty good in The Imitation Game. Meryl is Meryl and I haven’t seen Into the Woods but I’m gonna go ahead and assume she did a good job in it. It’s Meryl.

First of all, I love Meryl. Meryl’s my girl. A living legend. But she was terrible in Into the Woods. I literally couldn’t understand a word of her final song. It might as well have been Bane up there singing. In Meryl’s defense, that entire movie was trash. I get not all loose ends will be tied up, but I don’t think a single storyline in that film came to a conclusion. Johnny Depp was particularly bad as the pedophile wolf and the “dark and gloomy” forest setting made it nearly impossible to tell what the hell was happening most of the time.

Emma Stone and her wide face were excellent in Birdman. Loved her telling off Keaton then being like “oh shit I went too far.” Knightley was solid as the undersexed “love interest” of Alan Turing, but it looks like Patricia Arquette has this locked up. Loved that part where she’s like “we’re moving to Houston.”

Animated Feature “Big Hero 6” Don Hall, Chris Williams and Roy Conli “The Boxtrolls” Anthony Stacchi, Graham Annable and Travis Knight “How to Train Your Dragon 2” Dean DeBlois and Bonnie Arnold “Song of the Sea” Tomm Moore and Paul Young “The Tale of the Princess Kaguya” Isao Takahata and Yoshiaki Nishimura

You probably know that The Lego Movie got snubbed here, and that’s a shame. Let’s just take this time to say that was a great movie. I haven’t seen any of the others. Alex probably saw all of them, so I’ll leave it to him.

I get that people are up in arms over Selma (rightfully so), but THIS is what got me the most incensed. Lego Movie was a dark horse to get nommed for BEST PICTURE and it couldn’t even break into the animated category? This is even more embarrassing than being associated with The Judge.

The only movie I saw out of these five was Big Hero 6. There were so many misconceptions. The puffy white robot is not named “Big Hero 6.” I was weirdly disappointed by that. He’s the only entertaining part of the movie and is barely in it! It’s a by-the-numbers kiddie superhero movie. Bor-ing.

Adapted Screenplay “American Sniper” Written by Jason Hall “The Imitation Game” Written by Graham Moore “Inherent Vice” Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson “The Theory of Everything” Screenplay by Anthony McCarten “Whiplash” Written by Damien Chazelle

Whiplash is labeled as “adapted” beacuse Damien Chazelle made a short film of the screenplay so that he could pitch the movie for fundraising. That is just silly. But here it is. I hope it wins because I really loved the story of the film, and I like the movie so much. I thought Imititation Game was clunky and didn’t have strong writing, as I’ve hinted at already, and Theory was like, aite. I haven’t had the opportunity to check out Inherent Vice yet. Sounds like people didn’t love it as much as PT Anderson’s other recent stuff.

American Sniper should win for cutting out all the horrible racist things in that book. Whiplash is probably the best screenplay out of the five, but I wouldn’t mind it losing because of the tenuous nature of it’s nomination.

Are movies that are based on real life automatically placed in the Adapted category? They were adapted from the world around you, y’know?

Original Screenplay “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Written by Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo “Boyhood” Written by Richard Linklater “Foxcatcher” Written by E. Max Frye and Dan Futterman “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Screenplay by Wes Anderson; Story by Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness “Nightcrawler” Written by Dan Gilroy

This is the stronger category. Despite my love for Boyhood, I’ll say that I don’t need to root for it with screenplay. Boyhood was a constantly-changing screenplay that centered more on the experience of the story and the movie. So while I enjoyed what the screenplay brought us, I don’t know if I need it to win. Though any Linklater Oscar would be swag.

Nightcrawler and Grand Budapest and Birdman would all be worthy. I’d probably vote Grand Budapest because of how much I enjoyed the story structure and framing, and how much I enjoyed the subtle touches of the film. Next Nightcrawler, since I thought it was Best Picture worthy, didn’t get that many nominations, and had a cool unique story. Birdman was technically great and I dug it.

Foxcatcher? Yeah sure maybe I should just botch the Wikipedia article of some famous story too, mix and match plot points, and maybe I’ll get an Oscar nomination too!

Man, I wanna see Foxcatcher now just to rub it in Matt’s face. It’s gotta be Nightcrawler. I haven’t seen it, but man those trailers are intense! Gyllenhall in the newsroom covered in blood? Eat your heart out Aaron Sorkin!

Grand Budapest? Seriously? That story was terrible. Yeah there’s an ugly-ass painting and little kid with a fake mustache. Oh Wes Anderson you’ve done it again! The only redeeming part of that movie was Adrian Brody’s blunt profanity. Finally, something I can relate to!

Cinematography “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Emmanuel Lubezki “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Robert Yeoman “Ida” Lukasz Zal and Ryszard Lenczewski “Mr. Turner” Dick Pope “Unbroken” Roger Deakins

Birdman will win this. And it’s deserving. That tracking shot ish was incredible and really enhanced in the film in awesome ways.

Roger Deakins is getting up there as the guy who gets nominated and never wins. Well he won’t win for Unbroken. Maybe pick a better film to commit to next time, Rog.

Yeah, I didn’t need to see Unbroken to know it was terrible. I’m glad the Academy came to its senses (once) and didn’t nominate it for Best Picture. It would’ve completed the unholy trinity with Crash and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Crappy.

You know how in old sci-fi TV shows when they show the spaceship floating through space, but in real life it’s just a toy? I’m pretty sure that’s how Wes Anderson designs his sets.

But yeah, anything but Birdman here would be a COTdamn shame.

Film Editing “American Sniper” Joel Cox and Gary D. Roach “Boyhood” Sandra Adair “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Barney Pilling “The Imitation Game” William Goldenberg “Whiplash” Tom Cross

Typically but not always tied to Best Picture, but let’s just assume it is so Boyhood wins everything! Yay! But seriously, to edit together 12 years of footage is a feat, and I hope it wins here. Also cool with Budapest and Whiplash obvi.

Man, talk about twelve years a slave. I bet like three years into shooting, the entire cast and crew were fed up with Linklater and his “vision.” Give that same film and a big bowl of fruit to Billy Walsh and he’d churn in out in like eight years, max. Man’s a genius.

Original Score “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Alexandre Desplat “The Imitation Game” Alexandre Desplat “Interstellar” Hans Zimmer “Mr. Turner” Gary Yershon “The Theory of Everything” Jóhann Jóhannsson

The Interstellar score was fresh, and you know I love me some Hans Zimmer. But if someone else wins, that’s cool too. The Theory of Everything score is the lead contender, and it was pretty riveting. So good for that, even if that guy’s name is RIDICULOUS.

Yooooo where’s Birdman? Birdman had better drumming than Whiplash! Loved those robots from Interstellar. I wanted them to put the humor at 100 and just let CASE and that other one just tell dirty jokes for an hour.

Original Song

“Everything Is Awesome” from “The Lego Movie”- Music and Lyric by Shawn Patterson “Glory” from “Selma”- Music and Lyric by John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn “Grateful” from “Beyond the Lights”- Music and Lyric by Diane Warren “I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from “Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me” - Music and Lyric by Glen Campbell and Julian Raymond “Lost Stars” from “Begin Again” - Music and Lyric by Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois

Apparently John Legend and Common’s names in real life are John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn. I was about to rant about how they weren’t gonna get to accept the award, and then I looked that up. Makes sense… I never really thought either didn’t write their own music. But if Everything is Awesome wins, Tegan and Sara wont’ be coming up with Lonely Island. So whatever. I hope Glory wins. That’s a great song and it’d be cool to see Common/John Legend get the statue. Those two are great.

I’ve heard good things about Begin Again… I’ll have to check it out sometime.

First of all, the obligatory FUCK Common. Yeah, Com I hold grudges.

It’s gotta be Everything is Awesome. That song has been stuck in head for the better part of a year and I’m not even mad! Everything IS awesome and it’s nice to be reminded of that every second of every waking moment. And sometimes when you’re asleep and you dream about the song.

Documentary Feature

“CitizenFour” Laura Poitras, Mathilde Bonnefoy and Dirk Wilutzky “Finding Vivian Maier” John Maloof and Charlie Siskel “Last Days in Vietnam” Rory Kennedy and Keven McAlester “The Salt of the Earth” Wim Wenders, Juliano Ribeiro Salgado and David Rosier “Virunga” Orlando von Einsiedel and Joanna Natasegara

CitizenFour is supposedly the favorite and is about Edward Snowden, and who cares because tell me again why Hoop Dreams didn’t get nominated back in the day, Academy?!?

I didn’t realize Edwards Snowden is actually IN this movie? Is he? I don’t really know. I feel like that should be illegal. I don’t really know a lot about current events...

Foreign Language Film “Ida” Poland “Leviathan” Russia “Tangerines” Estonia “Timbuktu” Mauritania “Wild Tales” Argentina

Ida is supposedly the favorite, and Casey told me Leviathan was good.

If you know anything about which countries I cheer for during the World Cup, you know I’m all in for Timbuktu. Let Africa have a reason to be proud this winter.

Also, I like how we don't even know who made these movies. It's like these entire countries banded together and produced one movie over the past year.

Makeup and Hairstyling “Foxcatcher” Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier “Guardians of the Galaxy” Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White

Let’s give a round of applause for Steve Carell’s nose job in Foxcatcher, huh? Probably the most compelling thing about the movie.

I think Budapest is supposed to win here but cmonnnnn Guardians made Bradley Cooper look like a raccoon! That’s amazing!

It’s gotta be Guardians. What makeup went on in Grand Budapest? Zero drawing that aggravating mustache on himself? He looked like Remy from House of Cards.

Production Design

“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock “The Imitation Game” Production Design: Maria Djurkovic; Set Decoration: Tatiana Macdonald “Interstellar” Production Design: Nathan Crowley; Set Decoration: Gary Fettis “Into the Woods” Production Design: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock “Mr. Turner” Production Design: Suzie Davies; Set Decoration: Charlotte Watts

Costume Design “The Grand Budapest Hotel” Milena Canonero “Inherent Vice” Mark Bridges “Into the Woods” Colleen Atwood “Maleficent” Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive “Mr. Turner” Jacqueline Durran

Grand Budapest was pretty cool and I saw Into the Woods in college. I’m cool with Budapest racking up some statues here.

Maybe Into the Woods’ design was great, but since I couldn’t actually see any of it on screen, I’m withholding judgment. I’m okay with Interstellar winning here. That scene where he’s in the black hole? Dude probably really did age while they built the set. Because that’s how this works.

Sound Editing “American Sniper” Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Martín Hernández and Aaron Glascock “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” Brent Burge and Jason Canovas “Interstellar” Richard King “Unbroken” Becky Sullivan and Andrew DeCristofaro

Sound Mixing “American Sniper” John Reitz, Gregg Rudloff and Walt Martin “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Jon Taylor, Frank A. Montaño and Thomas Varga “Interstellar” Gary A. Rizzo, Gregg Landaker and Mark Weingarten “Unbroken” Jon Taylor, Frank A. Montaño and David Lee “Whiplash” Craig Mann, Ben Wilkins and Thomas Curley

Visual Effects “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” Dan DeLeeuw, Russell Earl, Bryan Grill and Dan Sudick “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, Daniel Barrett and Erik Winquist “Guardians of the Galaxy” Stephane Ceretti, Nicolas Aithadi, Jonathan Fawkner and Paul Corbould “Interstellar” Paul Franklin, Andrew Lockley, Ian Hunter and Scott Fisher “X-Men: Days of Future Past” Richard Stammers, Lou Pecora, Tim Crosbie and Cameron Waldbauer

Interstellar may deserve the award for Visual Effects, but don’t tell me its sound was good. Some of that stuff was harder to hear than Bane himself. I don’t really get Sound Mixing, but sure, give it to Whiplash, that movie’s about music and I liked it.

The other Visual Effects movies certainly had great stuff in there. And let’s give it up for X-Men, who probably used visual effects to erase all the other interesting superheroes from the story and had Quicksilver for only like 30 minutes and focused the main story on like 5 people and tried to treat the X-Men series like the James Bond series with Wolverine as 007 and everyone else around him.

Big finish!

Sound editing: Birdman. Those drums were crystal clear. Crystal!

Sound Mixing: Whiplash. When that one guy was out of tune, it really popped!

Visual Effects: X-Men. FINALLY the greatest superhero franchise gets recognized by the academy. That Quicksilver scene alone should’ve been nominated for Best Picture. Sentinel X? Those were the scariest movie monsters since Alien. I’ll delve more into this if we ever write our Best Superhero Movie post.

Documentary Short Subject Animated Short Film Live Action Short Film

I do not know. Also here’s hoping Neil Patrick Harris does a good job! I’ve heard bad things about the producers of the show and hope he can rise above their poor planning.

NPH? I hope they make fun of his sad pathetic character in Gone Girl.

Matt’s Best Picture Rankings 1. Boyhood 2. Whiplash 3. Selma 4. The Grand Budapest Hotel 5. Birdman 6. American Sniper 7. The Imitation Game 8. The Theory of Everything

Alex’s Best Picture Rankings: 1. Top Five 2. Birdman 3. Whiplash 4. X-Men: Days of the Future Past 5. First 20 MInutes of Boyhood 6. American Sniper 7. The Imitation Game 8. The Grand Budapest Hotel

[thenicedolphin]

Super Bowl XLIX Preview - Seahawks or Pats?

Super Bowl XLIX, between the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots, is this Sunday. Not sure who to root for? Let Matt and Alex help you decide! They’ll break down everything you need to know when it comes to picking sides for the big game.

Alex: Pro-Seahawks, Anti-Patriots

Matt in bold: Pro-Patriots, Anti-Seahawks

Let it be known that we have discussed this a bit already, so there will be some pre-emptive rebuttals to each others’ arguments.

Let it be FURTHER known that, despite neither of us being Hawks or Pats fan, it got heated. From this point forward, reader discretion is advised. 

I. The Rosters

Frankly, if you aren’t cheering for the Seahawks, you’re racist. The Seahawks are led by the three-headed monster of Marshawn Lynch, Richard Sherman, and Russell Wilson aka the Mouzone Triplets. Each of these individuals are highly intelligent, thoughtful, and refuse to kowtow to the white man. They are the future of America and anyone who stands in their way will be chopped down, deservedly so.

Why would anyone oppose these guys? Is it that Lynch is too brash with his nut-grabbing, hand-shaking TD celebrations? Is it because Russell Wilson is a black quarterback and black athletes should stick to less “cerebral” positions? Is Stanford-educated Sherman too angry about all the right things? Anyone that answers “yes” to any of these questions is a racist and will be rooting for the Patriots.

Let’s contrast the Hawks with the Pats, who are probably the whitest team since Hoosiers. When Edelman threw that TD pass to Amendola, it was the first time a football had been handled by four white players on a touchdown play. The center (I don’t know who he is, but it’s the Pats, so you KNOW he’s white), Brady, Edelman, and Amendola. Gronk probably spiked the ball after they scored, so make it five. Awful.

Sure, the Pats have some black dudes, but let’s take a closer look. That chump Vince Wilfork’s been on the team since the championship years. I’m not sayin’ he’s an Uncle Tom, but you KNOW he’s looked the other way on some shit. Revis Island? Figures they’d put a black man out there all alone, expecting him to do the job of an entire secondary.

WHOA whoa whoa, Uncle Tom? That’s outrageous. How can you hate Wilfork? He’s the man. He’s so huge and yet he’s somehow an incredible football player. He’s an inspiration to all of us. Wilfork’s been dominant for long enough that he can even comment on the progression of Coach “Softie” Belichick over the years. That’s sweet.

Revis is great too. He went from a top corner to a washed-up corner after injuries, and now he’s on… wait for it… Revisdemption Island. That’s right. Dude is getting his Shawshank on this season. He’s a key piece in that Pats defense and he’s letting the Bucs know that they can suck it for doubting. I’m all about a veteran facing old age with pride, staring it down, and taking an INT from it. 

What is with the hate on Brady, anyway? By all accounts, Brady is a hard-working, attitude-filled, loved-by-teammates superstar QB. I would love to have Brady on my team, and face it, so would you. Dude is 37 years old, had 3 rings before the age of 30, yet has fought tooth and nail since to get another one. He’s nearing the end, he’s had two tough losses in recent Bowls, and he’s still got it. You can’t compare him right now to hobbling Pey-Pey or declining Drew Brees (let’s face it, he ain’t the same as he used to be). I for one would enjoy seeing him win one more. 

What, you’d rather have lucked-into-it Russell Wilson get two in a row? Russell Wilson is super lame. I mean, he seems like a nice guy and all, but the guy threw FOUR picks against Green Bay. He got bailed out by his defense and a historically shameful performance by the Pack in the second half. Forget that. You don’t want a young QB getting lucky this early in his career. Let him take a loss. Maybe then Russell will realize he shouldn’t be Senior Editor of some sports blog run by YEAH JEETS when he could be practicing all the time like our man TIM BRADY. 

The Seahawks? They won last year. They can take a loss. They always have PED problems (Adderall? Yeah OK), and they stake their defense on trying to get away with pass interference. Cool. That sounds like fun. 

Finally, how can you not love LaGarrette Blount? Holier-than-thou NCAA suspended him for a whole damn year because he lost his temper on the field, while dudes like Jameis Winston don’t get any punishment. Holier-than-thou Steelers cut him because he was mad he wasn’t getting playing time. That’s right, because he cared enough to want to be on the field. Wow what a headcase this guy must be, wanting to play for a team! The Steelers cut him, relied on Le'Veon Bell being Bruce Willis from Unbreakable, and lost because they had no running game when Bell got predictably injured after they ran him into the ground. Blount? He’s on his feet, about to win a Super Bowl. I’ll take that story over any of the reigning champion Seahawks players.

II. The Coaches - Pete Carroll vs. Bill Belichick

Pete Carroll? Yeah he’s fine, but let's talk about why he’s weird. One, did you know that Carroll is a 9/11 truther? That’s kind of random. I mean, isn’t that weird? Am I the only one who thinks that’s weird? Surely not. It’s pretty weird. Plus, Carroll bailed on a college football team right when punishments were about to strike. How lame is that? People kill Calipari in college basketball, but Carroll is just like him. Uses and abuses players to his heart’s content, then says peace out!

Belichick? Like with Brady as a QB, why wouldn’t you want him as your coach? Dude has been a machine for years. He destroys other teams in the draft, in trades, and on the field. He’s emotionless in ways I wish my crappy coaches and GMs weren’t (Belichick would never sign Martell Webster to a 4-year contract in the NBA, just sayin). 

Belichick, does he cheat? I don’t care. He does what he can to win. He’ll do everything within his power. He’ll use some obscure substitution rule like a genius. He’ll bench a player for being late to practice just to send a message. He’ll take a guy like Blount after everyone else doubts Blount. Why? Because he’s smart and because he knows players beyond the sideline analysis that the lamer reporters and broadcasters lay out. Plus, come on. His sideline clothing? Hilarious. 

Pete Carroll is a fun-lovin’ guy. He keeps his players’ spirits up by doing yoga and like, talking to them about their feelings. The only feeling Belichick gets is a tingle in his balls when another fruit from his coaching tree turns rotten.

Speaking of balls, did you see that damn press conference? I know I didn’t. Still, allow me to comment. Who gives a wrinkly, deflated fuck? They could’ve played with a damn beach ball and the Colts still would’ve got their asses whooped. Seeing Belichick, Brady, and now freakin’ Kraft up there mewling like a bunch of Andy Greenwalds is sickening. Just be men and own up to the thing. “Yeah, I did that shit. What now, Goodell?” goes a lot further than “Uhh, yeah it was Mike...the uh...equipment guy...yeah, him!” Poor Mike, man.

Bottom line is no one wants to see Belichick hoist another trophy, flexing his flabby biceps under a cutoff hoodie.

Also, Carroll’s a 9/11 truther because he doesn’t let the mainstream media tell him what to think -- he’s his own man! We should support this type of independent spirit, not a barely-functioning robot like Belichick.

III. The Rooting Interest

Why the hell would any non-Pats fan root for the Patriots? Do they want to suck up to Billy Boy Simmons’ ding-a-ling? They could just send ass shots to Grantland if that was the case. Is it because they wanna feel some validation? Like they’re a part of something bigger? Sad.

People try to dog the Seahawks because they’d be back to back champs and the Pats haven’t won since 2007. Yeah, there’s some turnover, but the Pats’ core is still intact: Brady/Belichick/Kraft/Simmons. The four shitty horsemen of the shitty apocalypse. Edelman is the new Welker, and the no-name RBs are as anonymous as they ever were.

Also, one particular Rdskns fan cites the Russell Wilson/RG3 “rivalry” that lasted all of one season. That’s BEEN over. Let it go. RG3 can barely sustain a rivalry with Colt McCoy -- I doubt Russell Wilson even remembers who the fuck RG3 is. Even Andy Dalton might be better than Griffin at this point.

Do you really wanna add to this massive Seahawks bandwagon? How did the Seahawks fanbase become so cool? They STOLE the 12th man concept from Texas A&M. Highway robbery. Couldn’t they have come up with some other gimmick? The practice squad superstar fans? The 6th o-lineman? Shoot, I don’t know. How many smart Microsoft people up there coulda thought of something? Poor display all around.

Seahawks fans get way too much respect. You know why the stadium is loud? It’s because it’s a well-designed stadium. Put a playoff worthy team in any town, and you can get any group of fans to be loud when the acoustics are at optimal level. I’d love to hear how loud the stadium is if the Seahawks are 2-14. Why am I supposed to be impressed by this? You should be annoyed with these fans. They aren’t hated even though they think they’re all that, AND they’re full of bandwagoners. I don’t have any scientific data for this at all, but I have a friend in Seattle (not from there) who had a friend ask THIS season if Earl Thomas was new. Earl Thomas, one of the greatest current defensive players in the league, a key part of the Legion of Boom, the guy who caught Sherman’s tip against Crabtree, and a 3-time All-Pro safety. This “fan” went through a Super Bowl without knowing who Earl Thomas was, smh.

So you’re just gonna join the Seahawks bandwagon? Cool. I just think it’s funny when everyone hates on New England fans when they already get hated so much. I like Boston fans enough. They’ve been shat on with those two Super Bowl losses. They’ve dealt with those humiliations. They’re overall pretty knowledgable about their team and sports at large. They aren’t just running to the next shiny thing because it’s winning. Why not cheer them on for another win? 

IV. The Trump Card

Aaron Hernandez is still a Patriot at heart. I heard Belichick pays his commissary and Shane Vereen visits him like once a week. Brady’s pulling strings to get him a walk-on role in season 3 of Orange is the New Black. Aaron Hernandez in a damn wig. He’s like Ray Lewis if Ray Lewis had worse friends.

People say Richard Sherman and Marshawn Lynch are “thugs,” but the worst thing Sherman’s ever done was send a hilariously-profane email to his dorm at Stanford, and Lynch parties at Applebee’s. Cmon. Nomc.

Important note: I have not said those things, nor do I think those things, about Sherman and Lynch. (But it’s worth noting people say the same dumb stuff about Blount). 

You hating on Aaron Hernandez? What do you mean? This is America, man. I ain’t seen no verdict yet. Innocent until proven guilty. And besides, this just shows how committed Bill Belichick is to winning, he’s willing to… uh… ok nevermind.

V. Conclusion

This is a classic battle between good and evil. A fun team that’s trying to pull off the hardest feat in professional sports: back-to-back title wins. A racist team that houses murderers and cheats to win. Easy call: go Hawks.

Who likes a repeat champion? I don’t. Whether it be the Seahawks, the San Francisco Giants, the Heat, whoever. Why let one team get all the fun? Go with the team that hasn’t won for a decade, whose current squad has only TWO players from that last Super Bowl. That’s the real underdog here. 2004 was ages ago. Brady and Wilfork and Blount are guys worth cheering for. And the Pats are a GOOD team. They went from almost washed up early this season to being dominant. I respect that. Go Pats. 

Prediction:

Seattle Seahawks: 30

New England Patriots: 21

Prediction:

New England Patriots: 24

Seattle Seahawks: 21

[thenicedolphin]

Top Five Reasons to Watch "Top Five"

Over the weekend, Alex and Matt each got a chance to check out Top Five, the new film written and directed by Chris Rock (and starring him too!). If you haven’t heard of it, Rotten Tomatoes describes the film’s story in part as “Pulsing with the rhythm of his greatest stand-up, Chris Rock's TOP FIVE takes things to the next level, reveling in the high and the low, and blending a star-studded comedic romp with an irresistible romance.”

  Rock is basically playing a version of himself, so if you like him, you’ll love his main character here.

  Matt:

If you’ve seen the TV show Louie, you’ll know that Louis CK has really excelled at playing a version of himself. He has been good in other roles, but he really is able to come off in all the ways you would like him as a stand-up comic. Same thing here with Rock. Rock’s character, Andre Allen, isn’t the exact same as Rock in real life. He’s a former alcoholic, his career is a hot mess, and he’s marrying a Bravo reality star. But Rock is riffing on life the same as he would (his jokes and observations sound like stuff he said in interviews in the lead-up to the movie’s release), talking about Planet of the Apes and race, the President, or fame. This framework allows Rock to shine as best as he could, better than, say, if he played a Haitian slave like he does in his fictional film with Top Five.

  Alex:

Okay, where can I get advance tickets for Uprize?

  Not surprisingly, I totally agree with Matt here. A big reason Chris Rock’s other movies haven’t taken off is that Rock is such a strong personality that it’s almost impossible to buy into the role he’s playing. Not so in this case. Andre Allen is definitely different than Rock in all the ways Matt outlined above, but the personality and the mannerisms are all Rock. Andre Allen is a character that just “happens” to act, talk, think, and feel just like Rock.

  That sounds like an insult. “Oh sure Rock is great, but that’s just because he’s playing himself!” To that I say...who cares? The script calls for what the script calls for and Rock sets himself up and knocks it out of the MF’ing park.

  Rosario Dawson is super charming as the second lead and makes you think, oh yeah! She’s pretty amazing.

  Matt:

Rosario Dawson is so, so good in this film. She’s smart, relatable, attractive; she’s the full package in this movie. As you may guess, she is a romantic interest for Andre, and she is SO great. Dig her for her fierceness, for her own clever jokes or thoughts, and for her humanity.

  Alex:

Dawson is the key to the movie. Everyone know what Rock brings to the table: elite wit, Mach 5-sharp observations, and an unexpected charm that always manages to seep in, no matter the subject matter.

  Finding a leading lady that can hold her own on-screen with Rock and not get lost in the shadow of his personality isn’t easy to do; fortunately Rock did it when he casted Roasrio Dawson. She’s presented as a fully-formed character, not just a stand-in for “Romantic Interest: Female” or a prize to be won by the movie’s male protagonist. She’s intelligent and and definitely Rock’s equal on a lot of levels, but never sacrifices her femininity or emotional depth.

  The film evokes films by Richard Linklater and Woody Allen in all the best ways.

  Matt:

If you know me, you know I’m a big fan of Linklater for the Before trilogy, Boyhood (along with things like Dazed and Confused and Bernie). I also have dug the few Woody Allen films I’ve caught, like Annie Hall, Manhattan, and Midnight in Paris.

  Well, these films come to mind when watching Top Five. Maybe you didn’t expect that with some of the commercials, which showcase quick cuts and focus on some of the cameos (no spoiler-o, but that may be a reason coming up). But when Rock and Dawson are talking while walking around NYC, I’m reminded of Before Sunrise or Annie Hall, with two actors just nailing some great, clever writing. There are so many little moments in this movie, funny jokes, smart lines, and they all add up to a great experience. To escape into these kinds of scenes makes for wonderful cinema. I was smiling for a lot of these scenes.

  Alex:

I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen much Linklater and haven’t seen any Woody Allen. That being said, I agree with Matt in that this is a NYC, remarkable-day-in-the-life film. Allen’s celebrity, though ever-present,  is never overwhelming, which allows him to still experience the streets of New York, albeit it through a somewhat-skewed lens.

  I’m always tripped out when I see grocery stores in NYC because they always look so grubby and rinky-dink. It makes sense that there can’t be any superstores in the city, but still. This has been perspective from a hick.

  There are cameos throughout in addition to the main performances, and they are all great.

  Alex:

There are a few cameos that I won’t spoil, but the performances by the bit players push this over the top. The sheer number of great comedians and comedic performances in this film is a testament to the star power of Rock, at least in the comedy world. Word got out that this was going to be a heavy-hitter and peeps were linin’ up to go to battle with Rock. And they delivered.

  JB Smoove, Cedric the Entertainer, Kevin Hart, Tracy Morgan, Leslie Jones, and Jay Pharoah just to name a few. Shoot, Hassan Johnson took his role for a couple of pit sandwiches and some tater salad.

  Matt:

  Don’t mess with Hassan’s fish though. These cameos are so strong. Each player comes in, pinch hits a homer, and gets out. Or for another sports analogy, Chris Rock is John Wall. He sets up the play, gets these players open, and they come in and nail the open J. They blend into Rock and Dawson’s story and do what they need to do. That’s all.

  There are few cameos I won’t even spoil here. They are hilarious. One in particular is so well-done, I mean, damn, that was some smart screenwriting.

  This film is laugh out loud funny.

  Alex:

Matt’s locking down all spoilers, so I can’t repeat any of the best bits here, but in our slobbing all over the “movie” aspects of the film (and deservedly so), we’ve kind of ignored the obvious: this shit is FUNNY. I was dying at parts of it.

  Kind of a weird experience: I went to a late showing, so there were maybe a dozen people in the audience (felt like I was seeing Uprize). Yet, even with that sparse number, literally everyone in the theater had no qualms about cracking up. Loudly. It was almost a bonding experience.

  Matt:

Definitely. A small crowd as well here, but people cracked up, and I certainly did too. Some of the biggest laughs a film’s got from me all year. And not cheap laughs. Good, set-up, well-done laughs.

  6 (because you gotta have 6). Our Top Fives

  Alex:

The Roots, Mos Def, the Clipse, Kanye, Z-Ro. Sixth man is Geto Boys. Shoutout to Drake, whatever haters.

  Matt:

Kanye, Pac, Jay, Lupe, Common, and Biggie as Sixth Man.

I can’t really back my rap game rep. Why ain’t we doing a Top Five of indie rock acts?

  Here goes: Sufjan Stevens, Arcade Fire, Vampire Weekend, The Lone Bellow, The Head and the Heart, and sixth man is… that’s right, The Postal Service.

[thenicedolphin]

Sufjan Stevens' Christmas Songs

Sufjan Stevens has done two separate 5-album sets of Christmas songs. One was for the years 2001-2006 (he skipped ‘04 for recording), and was released in late 2006. The other was from 2006-2010 and was released in late 2012. In total, the two sets amount to 100 songs. 17 original of 42 songs on the first set, Songs for Christmas; 23 original (or close to original; some are hard to gauge) of 58 on the second set.

  Put The Lights On The Tree

This is a short two-minute ditty. It’s cheerful. It’s holiday music. It talks about calling grandma on the phone, and those lines hint at the loneliness of the holiday and trying to combat it. Such a happy-sounding song, but a reminder of life. It can bring a weird combination of sad and joyful tears to the eye.

Come on! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

This song is a beautiful rendition of an often-recorded hymn. Really great instrumentals and singing here. Main note: this song was used in Season 4, Episode 1 of Friday Night Lights during a key downer moment. It was such a great song in that scene, and it emphasized how great a song it is.

That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!

This song eviscerates me. If you’ve ever had one Christmas Day go bad, this song is for you. Family drama, being haunted, thinking about what the day means.

We’re Goin’ To the Country

It’s Christmas! Let’s Be Glad!

Hey Guys! It’s Christmas Time!

This is such a great, fun song. Romantic, optimistic, filled with seasonal cheer. The guitars are blaring and the imagery is blissful.

Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It)

I mean that’s just a great title. And song.

Christmas in July

Get Behind Me, Santa!

Rocking. Weird. Clever title.

  O Holy Night

O Come O Come Emmanuel

Jupiter Winter

Sister Winter

A song about not feeling like celebrating Christmas while wanting to wish it to others, with these feelings personified in the character facing “Sister Winter”. I think a lot of us could relate to this at one point or another.

Star of Wonder

The Winter Solstice

Last song for the first set; instrumental break!

The Midnight Clear

Carol of St. Benjamin The Bearded One

Barcarola (You Must Be A Christmas Tree)

Christmas Woman

Idumea (Sacred Harp)

A friend introduced me to Idumea with the version from Cold Mountain, which is another wonderful version of this beautiful song.

Christmas In The Room

Sometimes it isn’t just the big family. This song is low-key and pretty... it's sad and charming. 

Angels We Have Heard On High

Justice Delivers Its Death

Christmas Unicorn

Crazy long, weird, eclectic, bringing in a cover of another song… this song is just such an epic ending to the second set. When I saw this live, there were falling inflatable unicorns, confetti, Suf dressed as a unicorn, and some great music. It’s a wonderful way to leave Sufjan’s thoughts on Christmas. Talking about commercialism of Christmas in America in an overt way, being fanciful with the musical style. Here’s a quote from the album booklet that I pulled from the Genius lyrics page: “that clammy, pre-pubescent Christmas wish-list spoiled brat kid of our insatiable childhood, throwing an empirical fit on Santa’s lap, faced with the hard-candy facts of reality, knowing for certain we will never really get what we want for Christmas, or in life, for that matter” 

[thenicedolphin]

TND Presents: NBA 2014-15 Preview

It's here! Enough time has passed since Elmo and Co. got their stink all over the Larry O'Brien trophy that we're excited about basketball again -- and you should be too! In this post we've got Matt and Alex's playoff predictions, as well as a look at some of the most pressing storylines heading into this season. Without further ado: Matt and Alex's 2014-15 NBA preview!

Heat Check: Dwyane Wade is Now Dwayne Wade

Let’s not kid ourselves here. Dwyane Wade is not a star player anymore. I think most people are hopefully aware and understanding of this, but this is for the casual fan or well, the delusional fan. Wade shoulda played hard last year, when the Heat were letting him rest during the regular season so he could go hard in the playoffs. Instead? He got locked up on D mostly, and couldn’t step to. 

Pacers Are Gonna Suck 

Look, Paul George is amazing. And Lance is good. And Roy Hibbert is still sorta in a weird spot. I’m not sure he’ll be able to revive himself when he’s got all the pressure on him and no PG13.

I’m not high on that, not when the other East teams are getting better. And I think Frank Vogel is sorta a weak coach. I’m low on the the Indy Boys. Sorry guys.

BOBHORNETS

The Bobcats, now the Hornets, were a feisty team last year. As I’ll mention again below, they were basically a game away from getting to play the Bulls. Who knows what would have happened then? They added Lance Stephenson, which is an upgrade in talent though perhaps a question mark in team chemistry. They lost McRoberts, but they have young talent that’ll continue to grow.

Apparently MKG is improving his shot? That’s SOMETHING. He’s a lockdown defender, and if he can add more skills to his arsenal, he could truly be a dangerous player. I won’t sleep on this team yet. They might not have much appeal, but they could be solid in the East. 

Rookie Picks

Lots of intriguing rookies this year, and I’m taking Jabari Parker to win ROY (way to go out on a limb!). On the Bucks, Parker will have the most opportunities to shine, and in ROY voting, sometimes quantity can win out over quality.

His main competition is Andrew Wiggins. Wiggins will be a stud in time, but somehow Minnesota has a shload of wing players, and the genius Flip Saunders is going to make Wiggins “earn” his playing time, by beating out seasoned veterans like Corey Brewer and Shabazz Muhammad.

Joel Embiid will lead the league in DM slide-ins, but little else. Certain people are nut-hugging Elfrid Payton, but I know nothing about him, so I’m like if he’s that great, why aint he go number one? Lastly, I wanna give head nods to Marcus Smart (get out of Boston, so we can cheer for you, son!) and Dante “the Devil” Exum, two valuable members of my fantasy basketball team. 

Hawks, Horford, and Making Playoffs Yet Again

The Hawks have the longest streak in the East for making the playoffs. That means very little… in fact, it only shows that they’ve had many forgettable years in a weak conference where they didn’t do much in the playoffs, and never could hit the next leap.

Last year is an example of this. The team again tried to rally to beat a top seed (see: Celtics in their title year), but in the end, it doesn’t mean much. But they also did that without their best player. That means something, right? Horford can’t keep tearing pectoral muscles, right? I’m gonna hope he doesn’t, but sorry if I just jinxed it. With Al in the paint, this team is solid. 

Garbage-Pail All-Stars

What is a garbage pail player? This was covered briefly in last year’s playoff preview, but a garbage pail player is like a lunch pail player, except all he brings to the table is garbage. Without further ado, here are your 2014-15 Garbage Pail All-Stars

PG: F. Lillard SG: Dwayne Wade SF: Doodoo Jump (KD) PF: Blake Griffin C: Roy Hibbert Sixth Man: Kyrie Irving Seventh Man: Josh McRoberts

Pretty self-explanatory, I think.

Stern Boning Nene 

I just found out from my boy Matt that Nene is suspended for the opening game of the season! Apparently Paul Pierce and JOKEim Noah (honorary garbage pail ballboy) got into a scrap and Nene and his one nut leapt off the bench to protect old-ass Truth and ghost of Stern slapped him down with a one-game suspension. Ridiculous. Spurs 2007 title should have an asterisk, honestly.

Anyhow, Adam Silver needs to retcon this shit immediately. “Nene’s one-game suspension has been lifted...FOR LIFE!”

Can the Wizards have a #wizardparty this year?

I’ve seen a lot of Wizards letdown. After promise in the 90s, the Bullets/Wizards traded away Chris Webber for an old Mitch Richmond and Otis Thorpe (really, Otis?) and then overpaid Juwan Howard to an albatross of a contract. In the early 2000s, after getting the #1 pick and Michael Jordan’s services, MJ picked Kwame and then destroyed his soul, along with trading away Rip Hamilton for an old Jerry Stackhouse. In the mid 2000s, Gilbert Arenas’ body fell apart, and the potential of him/Butler/Jamison could never be reached. Luckily we signed him to a huge contract after several injuries. We doubled down on these guys by trading away a 5 pick where Curry and Rubio were available to get Mike Miller and Randy Foye. We’ve whiffed on guys like Jan Vesely and possibly Otto Porter (jury still out) aka King Otto III.

In spite of all this, people think the Wizards might actually be good! Let’s outline the bad, and then the good.

Bad: Lost Trevor Ariza, who was huge in getting open threes from Wall (an elite skill of his) and converting; the perimeter shooting may not be as good. Also have lost Beal for a month perhaps, and the team lacks SG depth. Still employing Randy Wittman and Ernie Grunfeld.

Seriously, Randy Wittman is not a top… 15 coach in the league. This is a problem. Dude doesn't even believe in 3s or good offense... I just can't...

Good: Paul Pierce signed with the team. He’s a good vet presence and still showed his skills with the Nets last year. Gortat/Nene still at it. Depth behind them (for the inevitable Nene injury) with guys like Dejuan Blair and Kris Kardashian. The team wants to be tough guys, like Bad Boys 2.0 for the 21st century. I mean, sure, that’ll be entertaining to watch. And the team is peeved with Beal/Wall getting cut early by Team USA and guys like Dion Waiters mouthing off like they’re actually that good. And most importantly, Wall and Beal may have made a leap of sorts last playoff year.

People may not remember, but the Wizards struggled to get above .500 last year, and then barely got a 5 seed, partly because the Nets weirdly tanked to face the Heat before the Pacers (lol ok Nets). They were 1 game away from being in the Bobcats/Hornets position as a 7 seed against the Heat. Then we might not be talking about this time so highly now.

So I fear letdown. I don’t know if I trust them to get the 3 seed like some people think. I don’t know if Beal will get injured again, or Wall, and then the House of Guards comes crumbling down. I don’t know how good that stagnant offense will be without an Ariza to shower down threes like a thunderstorm. But I’m hopeful that we’ve made a leap. I’m hoping for a 4 seed. 

The LeBrons

Do I think Kyrie is overrated? Yeah. Do I think Dion is just an OK player? Yeah.

But you got LeBron. He’s the best. You got Love. He’s top ten. Kyrie as your third option is better than Wade last year as your third option. Dion Waiters is better than a Chalmers or Cole in terms of being a 4th or 5th guy.

LeBron is smart and at his peak. Love wants to prove himself. This team is a juggernaut. I don’t know if they’ll have what it takes to beat the Bulls with Rose, or the West team in the finals. But I’m not gonna be shocked if they win. And as much as I hate any result that’ll make people think Kyrie > Wall or that Dion > any player he’s compared to, I would be cool with Cleveland fans getting a win.

The Warriors and Not-Kevin Love

Early on in the summer, the Dubs had a chance to get K-Love. They opted for keeping Klay Thompson and David Lee instead. I've heard good analysis for the case for staying put versus getting K-Love. The main points for staying put are that they didn't want their two best players to be below-average on defense and that they think Klay could be really good, and shooting guards are hard to come by. 

That's bogus. Look, maybe they'll still be a really good team with title chances. Teams screw up and still have title chances. OKC is a case of that after their Harden trade debacle. But they definitely dropped the ball on maximizing their chances right? Does anyone really think Klay is that much better than Love? Love is awesome, and he'll show that in the spotlight this year after being on a tough team for his career thus far. Would you rather have Bosh or Parsons? You'd rather have Bosh. Would you rather have Anthony Davis or Bradley Beal? You'd rather have Anthony Davis. I just think they were being risk-averse... maybe they'll still be a top team, but look... they coulda been a better one.

OKC and Their Crappy Front Office

Should you root for OKC? No. 

Oh but they have nice fans, you say? I can't hate the fans, but I can dislike that they have a team because their owner stole the Sonics from Seattle. But that's not even the half of it. 

The front office is DOODOO. They have KD, Westbrook, Ibaka, and Harden, and they trade away Harden because they're afraid of the luxury tax after hitting the goldmine and considering how profitable a team like that squad can be. And they cry over the luxury tax. Give me a damn break. 

OKC is the prime example of a team that would rather be profitable than win a championship. They've proved this time and again. Harden trade, the other reinforcements they've tried to get for KD on the cheap, the draft picks they set up weird arrangements with to have cheaper money instead of improving the squad's talent. 

OKC is garbage. That front office doesn't deserve a ring. They deserve what they've created for themselves: playoff losses and hopefully a departure by the Slim Reaper in the summer of 2016. Come to DC, KD. That front office is dumb, but at least they'll TRY to win you a ring instead of wasting your prime. 

Ballmer City and the Aftermath

Sterling sucked. Racism aside, he was incompetent and terrible as an owner. Apparently, for example, the management finally can use technology on like, injuries or stats or something. I forget. The point is, he was a cheap douche who didn't try hard. Ballmer is a 180 on that. 

With Ballmer, Rivers (a quality coach for sure), CP3 and Blake, and some good depth. This is a strong team. I don't have them winning it all, but if they made the finals? I wouldn't be shocked. And I would be pretty happy for this team. I would also look forward to some lame Sterling interview where he would take the credit for it, smh. 

Houston Rockets: They are who we think they are!

So everybody and their momma is picking the Rockets to regress this year, when they weren’t even that great LAST year. Nasty Nate Silver has them 8th in the west and plenty of pundits don’t have them making the playoffs at all! The reason behind this is the Rockets were close to solidifying a core of Howard-Harden-Bosh-Parsons, and instead had to settle for Howard-Harden-Ariza. Sure that first group is better and makes reality look that much worse in comparison, but the Rockets won’t lose much by switching Parsons for Ariza; if anything, they’ll improve on a leaky perimeter defense.

The Rockets are thin as hell. Even though ditching Lin was addition by subtraction, the Rockets have zero NBA-caliber players beyond the starting five. If the Rockets are to exceed expectations, someone on the bench will need to step it up.

While things may not be as dire as the national media would have you believe, it’s hard seeing the Rockets as championship contenders this season, as they really aren’t more than the sum of their parts: 2 all-stars, 3 solid role players, a bunch of scrubs, and a head coach that’s a DAMN fool.

Carlisle, Cuban, and Dirk

I’m a big fan of the Mavs organization. Alex gives me crap for it, but I truly admire them (and the Spurs, but that’s a given). Cuban is an awesome, proactive owner who might go overboard at times. But he tries to understand the league. He blew it on Tyson Chandler and not reupping that championship team, but he still is at it.

Dirk is a consummate franchise player. Carlisle is a brilliant coach. Having Cuban and Carlisle would be way cooler than having Ted Leonsis, Ernie Grunfeld, and Randy Wittman. But I digress.

Dirk is still good, but he’ll have to decline soon enough. With Chandler back, with Marion and VC gone, with Chandler Parson in, this team will be interesting to watch. I think they’ll be really exciting to see as Carlisle sorts out the rotation and how to play the team. I think he sorts it out, and I think the Mavs will be a good, fun team, even if they might not be a juggernauts ala Spurs or Clippers.

Spurs and a Letdown?

The Spurs were locked in last year. You suffer a loss like the year before, and you have as much talent as they do, and you're gonna be motivated. They reached the mountaintop. Can they do it again?

I think they won't be as dominant as last year. That gave them an extra edge that really went insane in the Finals. But they're still really good. Kawhi will get better, Duncan/Parker/Manu will be managed by Popovich, and they should be about the same. I don't think any of them will reach massive decline yet, but I guess we'll see. That team is just beautiful though; their playing style is still on another level, and it's hard to say if the league has caught up yet.

Teams that give them problems seem to have enough other flaws to not be able to surpass again: OKC gives them problems with Ibaka, but I just think that team lacks depth. LAC? I think they'll give them trouble, but I still gotta go with the Alamo. Let's say if they can continue this seemingly never-ending Spurs empire. 

Rice Basketball Shoutout

We don't usually (ever) cover college hoops (because it's terrible), but Mike Rhoades has big things poppin’ over at South Main, and all that little shit stoppin (like racist ADs, shady “assistant coaches,” and Ben Braun) is no more! Rice Basketball already has the #62 recruiting class in the country for 2015 (#2 in C-USA!) and the #11 class for 2016 (one four-star recruit, but still!). I’ll be in the building November 8th against Le Tourneau (who?) to see Coach Rhoades get that first nut off in what will hopefully be the beginning of a long line of nuts.

Matt's Playoff Predictions:

East:

1. Cavs 2. Bulls 3. Raptors 4. Wizards 5. Bobcats 6. Hawks 7. Heat 8. Knicks 

I think the Pacers will suck this year. I think the Knicks will crawl into the 8th spot, fighting off teams like the Nets and the Pistons.

West: 

1. Spurs 2. Clippers 3. Warriors 4. Thunder 5. Mavs 6. Grizzlies 7. Rockets 8. Pelicans

I just didn’t wanna pick the same 8 teams. So I bounced the Blazers (sorry Casey, Clement) and added Team Unibrow. I don’t know much beyond that.

Spurs… I fear their letdown after revenge last year, but I still think they’re stacked.

Eastern Conference Playoffs:

First round:

Cavs over Knicks Bulls over Heat Raptors over Hawks Wiz over Hornets

Second round:

Cavs over Wiz Bulls over Raptors

ECF:

Cavs over Bulls

Western Conference Playoffs:

First round:

Spurs over Pelicans Clippers over Rockets #grizzparty over Warriors Mavs over Thunder

Second round:

Spurs over Mavs Clippers over Grizzlies

WCF:

Spurs over Clippers

NBA Finals:

Spurs over Cavs (Cavs win next year)

Alex’s Playoff Predictions:

East:

1. Cavs 2. Bulls 3. Wizards 4. Raptors 5. Nets 6. Heat 7. Hawks 8. Bobhornets

West:

1. Spurs 2. Clippers 3. Warriors 4. Thunder 5. Mavericks 6. Rockets 7. Trail Blazers 8. Grizzlies

Eastern Conference Playoffs:

First round:

Cavs over Bobhornets Bulls over Hawks Wiz over Heat Nets over Raptors

Second round:

Cavs over Nets Wiz over Bulls

ECF:

Cavs over Wiz

Western Conference Playoffs:

First round:

Spurs over Grizzlies Clippers over Blazers Rockets over Warriors (lol) Mavs over Thunder 

Second round:

Spurs over Mavs Clippers over Rockets

WCF:

Spurs over Clippers

NBA Finals:

Spurs over Cavs