theonenothere - Tumblr blog

[theonenothere]

one more time

just one more time

[theonenothere]

chocolate covered peanut butter hearts

[theonenothere]

Some chapters of life don’t actually have an apparent ending. They just fade away silently.

It’s a strange feeling to look back at the past sometimes and see how some parts of life have simply dissolved into nothingness. And even though this poem might sound sad, I believe that being mindful of the transience of life actually helps us to feel all the preciousness and beauty of it.

[theonenothere]

Isn't it beautiful, the little moments of tenderness and love we can witness? That little smile from a stranger you never met. That little gesture from a friend being close to you. Or the timid moments of learning to love someone. I hold to much love I fear. The minute moments that wisp away from our gaze into the vast remnants of nothingness, yet there I am falling in love with the way someone's eyes reflect the glow of the sun or luminescence of the night. In those moments do I witness the soul at it's more raw form, in those moments I ask what story has brought them up to this point. What heartbreaking, gut wrenching happiness have they embarked on to reach this moment of still time?

That has always been life's most beautiful thing to me.

[theonenothere]

— She and Her Cat: Stories by Makoto Shinkai

[theonenothere]

-filmythings

[theonenothere]

333

333

[theonenothere]

A Window to the Soul, @coiledkarma, 2021

[theonenothere]

hi I make music

[theonenothere]

333

[theonenothere]

an impasse, do i eat or starve some more

[theonenothere]

would you bear it with me too, the loneliness and the moon

[theonenothere]

i love coming out of my little hole to socialize leaving a great impression on everyone's heart then just dropping off the face of the earth lol

[theonenothere]

its the way my nurturing instincts kick in when someone's sad or lonely

[theonenothere]

I think I've finally given up on happiness, contentedness. I don't think it will ever be something I obtain. Maybe it's age, maybe it's just exhaustion. Maybe I finally settle for what my life is and what it won't be, what things I may not discover or witness. How funny.

Am I quitting too early I wonder. Maybe I am just tired of it all now. I did try, felt like I did, many cases and circumstances. To feel peace, to live in paradise and to love without fault. I guess I just accept the former.

Seems like my life has always been by the means of other's doing, living, being, helping other's. I still remember being 6 taking care of my brothers, 14 taking care of my bedridden sister. 16 constantly watching my back, being abused, working day in and out taking care of everyone and everything. I shouldn't have had to, but I did. I don't regret it but my god was it all tiring...I still fear I never moved past all of that, all the time I missed out, all the people I didn't get to love, the memories I wasn't able to make. And here I am, an imposter trying to look for happiness in things he does not deserve.

Maybe that's why I took to art, writing, took to music and creating, because for once it was something I could control and bring into this world. Just something...that I could call my own.

Am I wrong for these words? Am I allowed to even speak them? Am I allowed to feel like everything up to this point was nothing?

Why does it all still feel so empty.

That is the only question I could never give an answer to.

[theonenothere]

i often wonder if people notice any change in me, if they wonder why I haven't spoken, if the think im okay, how nice would that be.

i find something beautiful in the way people dont notice. no one should

[theonenothere]

"huh I wonder why I'm alone"