thequintessentialfreak

[thequintessentialfreak]

Small gestures can be just as touching as big ones. Someone remembering your favorite song, holding your hand while walking, or just generally being content to exist in your presence because that's what makes them the happiest.

[thequintessentialfreak]

― Pablo Neruda, One Hundred Love Sonnets

[thequintessentialfreak]

A Labyrinth of Broken Pledges

As I skimmed through the last few pages of the book, I realized that everything must come to an end. The light from the electric lamp I’d kept nearby began to wane, letting the grim obscurity of the night sky descend upon me once more. I, however, was well prepared to deal with it. I reached under the blanket for my earphones. Songs and poetry were the last rays of hope I had left that could restore the void in my lonely heart. I went down to the arcade, wishing for the moon to murmur some words of reassurance into my ears, to redeem me from the frigid midwinter night, and to disentangle me from the labyrinth of broken pledges and silenced screams that had accumulated inside my head. I kept staring at the distant twinkling stars as I thought back to all of our memories — memories that became nightmares but that I chose to cherish anyway.

On this day one year ago, we brought an end to our fairy tale, under the same sapphire blue sky where we had sworn to hold each other’s hands till the end and never let go. That day, I caught a glimpse of her hazel green eyes, filled with tears — the same pair of eyes with which I fell in love. It wasn't the fact that she had kissed him the day before that got to me; it was the sense of betrayal I couldn't escape. It was hard for me to believe that the same pair of lips that voiced ethereal tales, scattering rays of ambition into the endless abyss of my soul, had then whispered deception. And as we walked in different directions that day, a part of my miserable soul wished she’d return. She didn't. The lucid sunrays faded into the horizon, casting scarlet red and pink auras across the twilight sky. I sighed, looking at the sky in despair while the rustling of the leaves mumbled that maybe she wasn’t the soulmate who was meant to be. The birds that found their way back home, the leaves of trees, and everything else in our immediate surroundings witnessed a death that day — the death of our graceful myth. 

We haven’t spoken since. I tried texting her a few times. I didn’t. A week later, when I saw her smiling with that guy, doing everything that we had promised to do, I reminisced about the days when she was mine. I still remember the way she twirls her lips when she concentrates enough. I know she adores cats and that she aspires to become a chartered accountant someday. I miss how we used to laugh while sharing ice cream on sultry summer days and how she used to make childish faces when I teased her about her makeup. The fact that I was so easily replaced shatters my soul, but trust me, I think of her every day.

I’ve spent countless nights thinking about the memories. Numerous times, I have scorched myself in the flames of wrath, anguish, and despair. But, believe me, even if you love them, you need to let go at some point. Love comes in pairs — sometimes as sweet as the morning sun, and sometimes as obscure as a somber night of solitude. We, the hopeless romantics, will get over it eventually. 

My feet grew colder as I continued to think about all of this under the magnanimous moonlight. I crawled back into bed, but this time I felt much better.

[thequintessentialfreak]

Falling in love is like looking out the window at the brilliant fireworks on a cold midwinter night and longing for someone’s warmth. Love is strange, of course. People crazy in love don’t quite care about the world; they tend to believe that the world has come down to them. While in love, we don’t seem to look after the flaws in our partners. The canvases of our hearts get adorned with patches of radiant hues and tinges. We fall in love with people and things that we believe are worthy of our love at the time. So, even in the darkest of times, lost in the labyrinth of broken promises and despair, we don't unlove them. We keep convincing ourselves that maybe they are way too naive to shatter our hearts. We disregard their every misstep. We keep holding on, merely to retain the warmth we all need, to not let go of the holy grail that puts an end to our sufferings.

[thequintessentialfreak]

I keep thinking about that night. I held you close like a secret, afraid you'd slip right out from between my fingers if I loosened my grip. You looked at me like some people look at the moon, or so I was told. In hindsight, I never felt like you knew me. You never knew me at all. And I think that's what I've come to regret the most — I almost gave you everything, and you gave me nothing at all.