theregularwriter

[theregularwriter]

"don't - worry. it doesn't hurt anymore. I - I can't really feel anything anymore now - "

"that is not in any way a reason not to worry!"

[theregularwriter]

Ace culture is when your favorite relationship dynamic between two fictional characters is "Have not kissed or anything, but are definitely married, without a question"

.

[theregularwriter]

The first minuscule shift and hint of a frown and faintest groan of a character regaining consciousness- all immediately noticed by their companion(s) keeping a watchful bedside vigil.

[theregularwriter]

They can't touch you, no ('cause they're all spies)

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: G Relationships: Steven & Lars Characters: Steven Quartz Universe, Lars Barriga Summary: They’re here again. Steven hasn’t seen them in forever, why now? Why now that he’s catching up with an old friend? Why, on his day off of all days? They won’t do anything to him, right? Word count: 1.080 AO3

A/N: Forgot to post this here. I posted this right before they announced the Lars of the Stars spin-off, so you're welcome.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - panic/anxiety attack and hallucinations.

DO NOT SHIP STEVEN AND LARS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

They’re here again.

Steven hasn’t seen them in forever, why now? Why now that he’s catching up with an old friend? Why, on his day off of all days?

They won’t do anything to him, right?

“… What’re you looking at?” Lars wonders, confused.

“Oh, just- looking out for hungry seagulls who want my lunch,” Steven laughs nervously. “Me and seagulls? Total bad match.”

“Really?” Lars comments, amused, not noticing anything odd. “And here I thought you got were friends with every creature on Earth.”

“Haha, yeah, I’m a fraud.”

Lars becomes serious, hurt, even. “… Don’t say that.”

“I’m joking, jeez.”

Steven tries to break the ice by telling Lars yet another Little Homeschool story. Lars laughs and everything is okay again.

They’re watching. They’re watching him.

Gulping – and the gulp doesn’t seem to go down his throat –, Steven looks for a bench, now that they’re by the beach. He needs to relax. He needs to calm down. He should be having a good time, and he is, but his body won’t feel that way.

“Actually, can we sit for a bit?” Steven pretends he hasn’t been eyeing the bench just across them. “Ah, there, perfect.” He rushes to the bench without waiting for an answer.

He tries not to sigh in relief nor to tap his feet on the ground anxiously. His head feels like spinning, like that teacup ride that haunts Steven’s memories (and stomach).

“You, uhh, doing okay there?” Lars sits next to him.

“Yeah, yeah. Just a little tired,” Steven laughs, breathless.

He can tell Lars is frowning at him, but his friend decides not to pry just yet.

Steven thinks. Of flexibility. Love. Trust.

Love. Trust.

Love.

Love in the small, small things.

He’s okay. He’s okay.

Flap flap. Wings. White, bright wings.

No, he’s okay. Why won’t they go away?

He hears them, but he can’t see.

“Steven, what’s up?” Lars questions, softer.

“Nothing. I swear I’m okay.”

The wings are louder.

He flinches when they’re too close, instinctively clinging to Lars.

“What? What is it?” The pink teenager insists.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Steven retracts himself. “I thought I heard something. I-It’s nothing, I mean it.”

“Steven—”

“I’m okay!” Steven raises his voice, trying to internalize it.

Yes, truly convincing.

“… You don’t… have to be, you know,” Lars reminds him.

“But I am fine. I’m hanging out with you after so long, I’m having fun with you, I’m fine.”

His head doesn’t stop spinning, even as he’s sitting. His vision turns black for split seconds. But the white wings are there. They’re there. They’re always there.

Love, trust, flexibility, love, trust, trust, love, flexibility, breathe, breathe, breathe.

There’s a tornado there, and it’s so close.

Suddenly, it nearly stabs his ears, and Steven screams, bracing for impact.

He falls off.

Lars’ voice sounds muffled.

And it’s… pink.

The bubble.

Spikes.

The only way the white will stay away.

But Lars is pink, too, and Steven is pushing him away.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” The latter cries.

“Just talk to me, Steven! You don’t have to put on a brave face around me, you know you don’t have to.”

“I know! I just wanted to have fun with you!”

“Me too! But I don’t want you to suffer in silence. You’re- You’re not going to ruin our time together. If you’re in trouble, just tell me, Steven.”

Instead of calming down, Steven starts sobbing.

“Y-You don’t get it, Lars. No one does. I see- I see things no one else does. I’m losing my mind, and I don’t know why. I thought I was fine. Why am I not fine? Why?” Steven weeps, not expecting any answer, because Lars won’t ever know it for him.

“What do you see?”

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

“No, I don’t think that, and I never will. You think I don’t know what it’s like to be haunted by stuff no one else sees? You don’t think I’m crazy, right?”

“No,” Steven answers rather readily.

“Then you’re not crazy, either.”

The sixteen-year-old sniffs, quieting down for a moment, trembling.

The spikes are probably turning rounder, less hurtful and defensive.

“… Butterflies. They’re… white little butterflies. They’re so bright,” Steven describes. “T-They might seem harmless, but when they multiply… they become a storm, a loud one, and it’s- it’s useless to stop them. I tried breathing and it won’t help.” Steven sobs. “I shouldn’t be scared of them, but…”

“It’s okay to be afraid.”

That seems to silence Steven’s insecurities for once and for all. But not his tears, that keep falling. He hugs himself and hides his face.

“Butterflies, eh? I don’t like them, either. And a swarm of them is scary.”

“You don’t have to…” say that just to be nice.

“I would be scared if I saw that storm of butterflies, too. ‘Cause what if they get to you, huh? Like you said, it might seem useless to stop them. So all you gotta do is look for shelter. I can help with that.”

“How?”

“First… you gotta trust me. Do you?”

Steven looks up and nods.

“Yeah.” Lars sits next to him and tries to get as close as possible.

Somehow, he tries to…

Hug Steven’s bubble.

He’s not telling Steven to get rid of the bubble. No, he’s embracing his bubble, too. Because it’s part of Steven.

Even though it’s external…

Steven feels it.

He does.

As he stops hugging himself, to reach out to Lars, the bubble starts dissipating. The half-gem sobs again, but now, he’s hugging his friend on the flesh. Lars is embracing him tightly, shielding him from the storm, both sitting on a sandy floor, neither minding it.

Lars is also shielding him from strangers who might find them this way, but overall, he’s trying to fight off the butterflies for him, as afraid as he may be of them as well.

And all Steven does is focus on that. If he focuses on his aching breaths, his chest, his spinning head, it won’t be any help. So he focuses on Lars’ instead, his slow beating heart, his smell of butter and vanilla extract that has become his sole fragrance.

That’s what helps Steven breathe again.

It’s not all pink, not all black or white.

Steven sees the true colors again.

It’s beautiful.

He relaxes fully, sighing.

“Thanks,” he sniffs.

“No prob, Steve.”

Neither of them are in any rush to get up. For now, they just stay here and listen to the sea.

[theregularwriter]

so you're looking for lars content after they announced his spinoff series? pspspspspsps come with me and become a steven & lars enthusiast pspspspsps here you go

[theregularwriter]

lotusthewriter -> theregularwriter

[theregularwriter]

You're Steven Universe. There's no cure for that.

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: T Relationships: Steven & Lars Characters: Steven Quartz Universe, Lars Barriga; MENTIONED - Greg Universe, Sadie Miller, The Cool Kids etc. Summary: “But you don’t want to be alone.” It’s not a question. Lars knows the truth. “No,” Steven confirms. “But it feels inevitable at this point.” Word count: 2.414 AO3

TRIGGER WARNINGS - suicidal ideation, underage drinking, hallucinations (possibly psychosis though not intentional)

DO NOT SHIP STEVEN AND LARS. P/roship DNI.

--

After the cheery potluck with Lars, Sadie, the Cool Kids, and Dad (as the manager of the band), the night has grown silent. If not for the crickets and Lars’ drunken laughter.

Steven is tired and drained from the party – or perhaps he was drained from the very beginning –, but somehow, he makes Lars laugh like never before. Then again, his friend is drunk.

Sometimes, Steven is tempted.

Tempted to drink.

Because you can at least laugh. You can feel more upbeat. More sociable. Steven was admittedly not very up to the party; he only came so he could see his friends and his father one last time before their tour. Either way, Steven has promised himself, and Dad in a way, he would not drink until he’s 21.

...

Steven raises an eyebrow as he analyzes one of the bottles on the table. This one is a white colored bottle. It is lemon-flavored. So, it’s like... lemonade? But in a beer-shaped bottle?

Lars seems amused by Steven’s interest.

“Wanna try?” The former asks.

Steven shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”

He opens the bottle rather easily, not needing an opener like the actual beers. Steven smells it. It’s odd. But there’s lemon indeed. With that, he takes one sip...

“... Blergh!” Steven winces. It might taste sweet but it’s so bitter, too.

Lars snorts. “Ah, first time trying alcohol... Little tip, though”– he takes a sip of his own –“you might try just swallowing it without savoring it slowly. It’ll taste better.”

Steven looks at the bottle again and follows Lars’ advice. It’s like his throat burns. But it does swallow better this time.

“Hm,” Steven snickers, not knowing what to conclude.

“At least it’s not beer, right?”

“Right. Beer smells.”

“Cheers to that.”

Steven and Lars do the famous “clink-clink”. He remembers when he and Connie pretended to be fancy and to drink adult stuff like wine – when it was just juice.

Now they’re grown. And now Connie is going away and he’ll stay here.

...

“Hey, why the long face?” Lars observes.

“Oh. Nothing.” He’s supposed to be fun, not sad.

“You look tired. Being principal of a school for aliens ain’t easy, huh?” Lars smirks.

Steven sighs exasperatedly. “Definitely not.”

“Having to be nice and smiley all the time really takes it out on ya.”

“I know,” Steven agrees, drinking more.

“I mean, I know you’re the boss, but—”

“Yeah, but they love leaving everything to me, and then they get mad when I don’t do things right.”

“That’s—”

“Shitty, I know.”

Lars laughs, genuinely surprised. “Was gonna say ‘uncool’, but that works.”

Steven continues the rant, “Somehow, I’m supposed to be more mature than those thousands of years old aliens.”

“Damn.”

A few seconds later, Lars leans closer to Steven and whispers, “You should sneak out sometimes. Go wild.”

“What?” Steven laughs this time. “You think a Diamond could just disappear and leave everything to everyone else?”

“Well, your mom kinda did that, right?”

“I am not my mom.”

Suddenly, Lars stops laughing all together.

...

“Sorry,” Lars finally says.

Steven sighs. He feels like he should apologize too, but he only says, “Don’t worry about it.”

He takes a bigger sip – so much so that he has ended the bottle.

So, he takes another one.

“Hey, take it easy,” Lars warns, but doesn’t really stop Steven.

“It’s fine, I feel great.”

Lars doesn’t lecture Steven, but he remains cautious.

Now, it’s quiet.

“I’m so great right now, nothing matters. Everyone is leaving and I’m doing *burp* great!”

Steven tries to see something. Any colors, light, life. He tries to feel any sort of joy thanks to the lemonade. But he gets nothing. Maybe Steven should drink more.

His head won’t feel light. He won’t feel happy or laugh at any dumb little thing like Lars does. Steven doesn’t feel better. He can’t focus on anything else other than the growing leak.

“There’s no point,” Steven vents, regardless of the fact it isn’t working. “Doubt I’m gonna make it to twenty-one. Or dare I say eighteen.”

“AAAAAlright, buddy, that’s enough.”

Lars takes the bottle – Steven, ironically enough, doesn’t try to stop him.

Even then, he still begs, “Wait, let me finish it—”

“You’re gonna get sick if you keep drinking like that. It’s your first time, too—”

“I just- I just want to feel something.”

“It’s not gonna help – it isn’t helping.”

“What? Now you’re gonna pretend you don’t drink to be happy?”

“I’m not happy because of the alcohol, Steven.”

Steven doesn’t argue anymore. Because he knows Lars is right. And he won’t explode at his friend, either. Steven won’t glow pink and cause major destruction.

No, instead, he sits there and does nothing.

Lars removes the other bottles while Steven tries to hear the crickets. They’re gone. They were killed. Steven must’ve killed them, even though he didn’t explode. Maybe Steven took away the stars, too. He must have absorbed all the light and euphoria so it might save him. Now the sky is black pitch. A big nothing.

He does this to people.

He has healing powers, but all he does is take life away and leave nothing behind.

The more Steven blinks, the darker everything becomes.

He’s not meant to be here. He shouldn’t exist. He shouldn’t exist.

“... Steven. Steven?”

Lars is talking to him. He put something on the table, in front of Steven. What is it?

“You’ll be okay,” Lars tries to reassure him. “Try to drink some water, okay?”

Water?

No, he doesn’t deserve it. He’s killing everything. He killed Lars once. Why does Lars want to help him?

Lars leaves.

... Briefly. He’s grabbed his chair and now he’s sitting in front of Steven.

“Hey,” the pink-skinned teenager calls him. “What do you see?”

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

“... You. I-I see you,” Steven describes. He hates that he’s looking at the scar slicing Lars’ right eye.

“I see you too, Steven.”

Lars must be trying to ground him. Steven isn’t sure what’s going on anymore. But Lars seems surprisingly calm about this. He’s certainly survived a lot.

“... Do you see the stars?” Steven asks him, curious.

Lars looks up. “Yeah.”

“I can’t see them.”

“Really?”

“Did I do something to them?”

“No,” Lars answers without any mockery in his tone.

“Then why did they leave?”

Lars takes a while to reply, likely trying to make sense of whatever Steven is saying.

“I’m... not sure. But you didn’t do anything wrong, Steven.”

“But they must’ve left because of something I did, right? How am I going to bring them back?”

“Steven—”

“I drove them away, Lars. If they show up to you but not to me, then I did something wrong!”

That’s the only intense emotion Steven feels. Confusion.

Then...

Acceptance.

He doesn’t even cry for the long-gone stars.

“I know I’m not... being good lately,” Steven admits.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m just... too angry all the time. Everyone is getting sick of me. The gems told me not to return to Little Homeschool until I was better. I was losing patience with some students. Like, they were pretty mean and immature, but I’m supposed to be better, right? Hell, I got through the Diamonds, but not those gems? Anyway, Dad didn’t find out because he’s been too busy with the tour, and Connie hasn’t visited or called me in a while. But maybe that’s better for them. I’m not good to be around them right now.”

Lars listens without saying a word.

“And what am I angry at? I’m not even sure. Maybe I’m just tired of everything, maybe it’s all too loud and nobody shuts the fuck up, so I get really, really mad. I know that’s terrible. I know I’m getting in the way. I’ve tried everything to get better, but it’s hopeless! I won’t feel better,” Steven vents. “I’m trying to be alone, so no one gets hurt.”

He looks up again. Still no sight of the stars.

“Lars,” Steven begins, “was I ever good, to begin with?”

His friend replies with silent heartbreak in his eyes. Yet he doesn’t lose composure.

“I’ve made so many friends and connections... I’ve united two different worlds... But I’m not part of either. I may have parts of both in me, but I’m not fully in either world. And with these episodes of- explosive tantrums, I really am a monster, right?” Steven laughs hopelessly. “I’m a hypocrite. I know that. I’m always telling you, ‘Be yourself’, ‘don’t care about what other people think’, ‘you’re an awesome person and you deserve love!’... but the truth is, I don’t like me. I hate everything about me, Lars. Because I know who the real me is. This thing filled with anger and confusion that gets in the way of more important things. I can’t handle anything anymore. Maybe I was just pretending the whole time. I’m just one big fraud.”

...

“Here we are in the future... and it’s nothing. There’s nothing. I’m beyond repair. There’s no cure for me,” Steven concludes. “I’m done hurting everyone else, I’m done being a monster. I’m just... done with everything.” He pauses. “When I go... I’ll make sure no one else is around.”

The wind blows. There’s only wind in this vacuum. Maybe it’s a storm. Maybe Steven created it.

However, Lars’ response...

“But you don’t want to be alone.”

It’s not a question.

Lars knows the truth.

“No,” Steven confirms. “But it feels inevitable at this point.”

He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t scream. He doesn’t panic. He does and feels nothing. He just stares at the abyss that he created, which is ready to claim him at any moment.

Steven has long known he’s no star. He only shines a pink light that isn’t his. He feels no comfort from it. It won’t save him from himself. His pink side has been consumed, too.

He’s the abyss. He’s the abyss.

It’s only fair he should get rid of it.

...

A hug.

Begging him to come back.

Lars is hugging him. Tightly.

He doesn’t say anything for now.

He just tries to hold on.

No, he won’t care to jump into the abyss to save him.

Lars has seen death. Fear won’t stop him.

It’s okay to be afraid.

“... Rest,” Steven lets out. “I just want to rest. I’m tired.”

Lars is crying.

That has Steven hug him back, even if he feels nothing right now. That’s really Steven’s instinct to comfort those who are hurting.

“I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, Lars. I’m tired. I’m tired...”

“You can rest here. You can stay here. I won’t leave you, Steven.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nononono, don’t be,” Lars is whispering the entire time.

“Why is it so dark when I’m not even asleep?”

Lars inhales.

“... I’ll be here in the dark with you. Okay?”

I’ve been here before, Lars wants to add.

Steven, at this point, has laid his head against his friend’s shoulder.

“... okay.”

All he can hear right now is Lars’ low beating heart.

It gives Steven a strange sense of comfort. Because while he blames himself for Lars’ death and wishes he never lost his humanity… Lars never ceased to be human, either. He’s still Lars, the same snarky and grumpy guy that accepted himself and was able to open up to his friends and family. Lars openly cries and shows vulnerability and intimacy to those he loves.

“’m cold,” Steven mumbles.

Suddenly, he feels himself lifted off the ground. Lars is carrying him. Steven might try and protest that he’s too old for this, but he’s also too out of himself to say anything more coherent.

He’s lying down. Maybe on a couch. Lars tucks him in with a blanket.

Steven, somehow, grabs Lars’ arm instinctively. After so many dreams of being abandoned.

“Don’t go,” he begs.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Steven opens his eyes, if they weren’t already.

He doesn’t see everything clearly, but he sees Lars and the vestiges of a warm, colored home. As well as the tears Lars cried for Steven.

“Hang on, just…”

Lars helps Steven raise himself enough so… Steven’s head is lying on Lars’ lap. The older boy caresses the other’s curly hair, his tormented mind.

All Steven does is breathe in and breathe out, likely trying to breathe in the physical contact. He has difficulty doing it at first, but it feels lighter.

Eventually, Steven asks for the water, which was already waiting for him at the center table. He drinks it slowly. It’s all silent.

Then Lars asks if he wants more, but Steven is good for now. He lies on the other’s lap again.

He’s leaving the real world…

“You’ll stay, right?” Steven asks again.

“Of course.”

He doesn’t say anything else, but Steven is scared of bad dreams. His dreams in particular can be awful. At least he isn’t entering anyone’s minds anymore. He wouldn’t want to do that to Lars again.

He still hears nothing else from the world.

Sometimes, he knows the emptiness will be forever. It’s always there.

He’s afraid he won’t be able to fill it one day.

He knows he won’t.

…

Steven cries. Silent tears.

Lars pulls him closer for a hug of sorts.

Either way, Steven makes no sound.

After all, that’s what the anger was trying to communicate. Now it’s lost its voice, and it finally rains.

Steven allows the rain. So does Lars.

Eventually, it ends.

And Steven drifts off to sleep.

His mind is a mess, he has no idea if he’s having dreams or not, if he’s just in the fog of his own conscience.

At the very least, Steven isn’t alone, either mentally or physically.

Although it’s very illogical, it’s like Steven is in the mane dimension that Lars shares with Lion. The pink meadows, Lars’ tree… It is not filled with any particular personal objects. Somehow, Steven is sitting there with Lars, both breathing. The wind is not scary, it’s very gentle and calm.

Nothing is made of clouds.

It’s real.

Perhaps the nicest dream Steven has had in a while.

And he won’t wake up with the daunting loneliness this time.

Of course, the morning won’t be easy. Steven will likely wake up sick from the alcohol. He knows he won’t be better. He knows he will be afraid of the emptiness inside him.

What will be different, however, is that Lars will be there for him.

He’s here for him now.

That’s all that matters.

[theregularwriter]

That there, that's not me

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: T Relationships: Steven & Lars Characters: Steven Quartz Universe, Lars Barriga; MENTIONED/CAMEOS - Sadie Miller, the Cool Kids Summary: Sometimes, it feels like Steven hasn’t left Rose’s room. Sometimes, he feels like he’s in a ghost town, where people feel repetitive, where there’s not a genuine glow from the stars, nor the moon, nor anywhere. The sunlight never reaches him. Sometimes, Steven fears he might be interacting with clouds this whole time. Or maybe he’s the one made of clouds, that always turn into a thunderstorm inside. Word count: 1,083 AO3

WARNINGS: suicidal ideation, (near) suicide attempt, dissociation, and depression.

DO NOT SHIP STEVEN AND LARS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

“Well… I can’t see a future for me from up here.”

… But neither does he down there.

Steven sits on the roof, watching the sun go down.

Everyone is gone, again.

The boy hasn’t gotten any more messages from the gems. Nor Dad. Nor Connie.

They have better things to do. Better people to be with.

Now that Steven saved the galaxy, what else is he supposed to do?

“Steven, no one needs your help. So why are you still here?”

Why, indeed.

He could drive out of here. He could disappear into the ocean (again). Anywhere but outer space, though. He has plenty of bad dreams there.

Mask Island is still around, right? He could live with the Watermelon Stevens. But they don’t need him, either.

He’s not needed anywhere.

No matter how hard he tries to be.

…

The sun is almost gone.

The night breeze is already present.

The ocean will be dark like the sky.

Sometimes, it feels like Steven hasn’t left Rose’s room. Sometimes, he feels like he’s in a ghost town, where people feel repetitive, where there’s not a genuine glow from the stars, nor the moon, nor anywhere. The sunlight never reaches him.

Sometimes, Steven fears he might be interacting with clouds this whole time.

Or maybe he’s the one made of clouds, that always turn into a thunderstorm inside.

He has no idea what is real or who is real.

But something he’s sure of is that he’s no good either way.

And another thing is that Steven is tired.

He’s so tired, constantly.

He doesn’t want to feel like this anymore.

He has to do something.

Anything.

…

The night is here.

Black sky, black sea.

Distant, dead stars.

Steven, however, sees another light, but on the beach.

Far away from there, there seems to be a campfire.

And laughter.

Steven is drawn to it.

He jumps from his roof, floats to the sand, and walks all the way to the star that fell from the sky.

Sounds of a guitar.

But it’s not Dad.

That’s… Buck?

Buck Dewey?

Jenny is the one laughing the most. Sour Cream tries to be philosophical. Sadie might be humming along to Buck’s guitar. And Lars is there, too, trying to make sense of what Sour Cream is saying.

They’re… all there?

Are they real?

Is Steven real? Is this happening at all?

“… Hey, Steven!” Sour Cream exclaims, grinning.

“Come join us!” Jenny invites him.

Steven hesitates, lost.

“… You alright, dude?” Lars questions.

“Yeah, yeah… I just wasn’t… expecting you guys to be here.” He sits next to Lars, but on the corner.

“What’re you up to?” Sadie wonders.

“Nothing, really.” I was contemplating death, like I always do. “I thought you guys were out of town?”

“We were… and we will be tomorrow, too,” Buck explains. “So we’re just taking the night off here.”

“Oh.” Steven suddenly feels the storm brewing.

He sort of tunes out of the conversation. They sound static to him. He can tell they’re having fun.

Clouds. Clouds.

They sing together. They even offer the guitar to Steven, but it makes him sad, so he declines. Either way, they sing several songs, from happy, to sad, to goofy ones. Lars sings them badly and it makes everyone laugh.

Steven simulates a laugh.

Because this is a simulation.

Eventually, of course, the fire wears out.

And they go home.

Sadie and the Cool Kids will be away for a while.

They hug him and high-five him, sure…

But they’ll be gone.

They disappear into the night. He can’t hear their steps on the sand anymore.

This is all fake. Fake. Fake.

Steven hears the water.

It’s the only thing that might be real.

He steps on it. It’s freezing

But it’s real.

Not clouds.

This is where he belongs, then.

He’s tired. He’s tired. He wants to rest. He wants to be healed.

He can’t heal himself.

Maybe the ocean can?

Steven takes more steps into the biting cold.

Soon enough, it won’t hurt. It won’t hurt anymore.

He’ll be at peace.

“… Steven!”

At least one pair of steps returns.

“L-Lars?” Steven whispers.

He goes to his pink friend instead of the dark ocean. His legs might be numb from the cold.

“There, there, I got you,” Lars catches him, because apparently Steven almost fell. “I got you.”

“Y-You’re back?”

“Yeah, I noticed you weren’t looking so good…”

“You’re really here?” Steven says, like he didn’t hear the other sentence.

Lars, baffled, takes a few seconds to reply, “Of course, why are you…”

Steven takes the opportunity to hug him, hold onto him. Don’t let go. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave—

“Lars?” He calls, voice small. “I don’t want to…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to live anymore, Lars.”

He can tell his friend tenses. Steven starts crying.

“I don’t belong anywhere. I never did. Now everyone is leaving, and I have nowhere to go. I-I feel like… I have no one else. I don’t know what to do to make them stay. I don’t know what to do, Lars. I just want the pain to stop. I can’t heal it myself. I can’t…”

“Oh, Steven…” Lars finally responds, hugging him back.

“I don’t want to be alone, Lars…”

“Hey, I’ve got you. We’re Off-Colors, remember?”

Steven sniffs and nods.

Lars doesn’t shine, nor is he warm like fire… but he’s actually here. He went back to Steven. Like a captain would check on his crew. Like a best friend would.

“Are the gems home?” Lars asks.

“When are they ever?” Steven hisses.

“I know your dad is out of town, too… Man, how long have you been alone?”

“Ever since I remember.”

Steven might be making harsh comments, but they’re still true, and Lars certainly knows it.

“I’ll take you home and I’ll stay with you tonight, okay? You won’t be alone.”

“O-Okay.”

“I know it hurts, Steven. I do,” Lars sighs, pained. “Sometimes we can’t handle it on our own. You can count on me, okay?”

“Okay.”

The older boy helps the younger one walk. On the way to Steven’s house, the half-gem can’t help glancing at the ocean, part of him wondering what would happen if he actually got in. If Lars didn’t arrive on time.

Does he want to be there, in the cold?

Then he stares at his friend, who’s determined to help him, no matter what. Especially out of his own experience.

Steven smiles.

And this time, it’s real.

[theregularwriter]

Kid A(mnesia)

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Rating: T Relationships: Alphonse & Edward Characters: Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric; MENTIONED - Wrath, Noah, Alternate Gracia Hughes Summary: He was just a kid, and Al hated him. Post-Conqueror of Shamballa Word count: 669 AO3

TRIGGER WARNING - past character death

DO NOT SHIP THE ELRIC BROTHERS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

Al arrives home with the groceries for lunch, while Ed stays home to arrange everything. Before that, he greets Ms. Gracia and Noah, who work at the flower shop.

It’s a nice day today, until…

This kid is staring at Alphonse.

A kid with very familiar features.

Those round, curious eyes, the equally round cheeks, and the wild dark bangs. The little kid is hiding behind his mother’s leg as she talks to Ms. Gracia.

Al stares at him back, but not in fondness.

It seems to scare the boy off, since he hides further behind his mother. She asks him what’s wrong.

Equally so, Ms. Gracia and Noah notice that Al is tormented.

Tormented by a kid. They don’t understand. He’s just a child, why would Al treat him that way?

Panicking, Al drops everything in his hands to run upstairs, not looking back when the women call his name in concern and confusion. Al opens the door and closes it with force, locking it in the process. He’s sweating like he was caught committing a crime. Like they all found out his horrible secret.

It’s true, isn’t it?

Why are you defending this homunculus? He isn’t human.

He isn’t human.

How dare he, then, beg people to see him as human? If he couldn’t see a little boy as a human?

“Al? Is that you? You startled me-!”

Then Alphonse remembers he probably left all the groceries downstairs. And he probably ruined them given there were liquids, fruits and vegetables in the bags. He expects Edward to yell at him, but that’s not what happens.

“Whoa, Al, are you crying?” Ed then rushes to him. “What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?”

Crying? He can see tears?

“Al, talk to me. What happened?” His older brother checks over him for any injuries but finds none. He grabs both of his shoulders to snap Al out of it. “Alphonse—”

“Brother…”

“Yeah?”

“I-I saw him. I saw Wrath.”

Ed suddenly understands. “Oh?” But he’s not surprised.

“He was just a kid, Brother. He was a kid, and I…” Al sniffs. “I wanted to kill him, Ed. I hated him. And then I let him die by the hands of Gluttony, I did nothing when he was bleeding—”

“Al—”

“And now I see, he was a little boy like me. He was just like me, Ed. I let him die. I didn’t save him,” Al sobs.

“Shh, shh…” Ed pulls him in a hug. “Shhh…”

“I-It’s not fair—”

“I know. I know, Al. It’s horrible, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t even say sorry to him. I can’t do anything about it.”

Edward is silent, but he holds his younger brother a little tighter.

“How am I going to live with all of this? How? How, Brother?” Al begs.

Ed tenses, then breathes in deeply.

“… We do it together. It helps us to become better. But I know it hurts, Al. So, we stay together, we take care of each other. You won’t be alone, okay?”

He seems to take Sloth’s last words to heart.

Al is not entirely soothed, but he relaxes as his brother holds him longer.

“Okay,” he mumbles, hugging Ed in return.

After some more time, there are knocks on the door, giving Al dread.

“I’m so sorry, Brother, I dropped the groceries—”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Al.”

Ed smiles at him, nonetheless.

Turns out it’s Noah in the doorway, who picked up the bags Al abandoned. She looks at him with sympathy. It’s revealed the food was not wasted, after all. Al apologizes to her, too, hating that he might have given the wrong impression to that child, as well as everyone else in the room.

Ed and Noah understand perfectly.

The haunting choices you might have made in the past…

They’ll keep coming back.

But it’s what Ed said, at least they’ve got each other to know they’re not alone.

That gives Al some peace, even if he might never truly sleep with a clean conscience.

[theregularwriter]

This night has opened my eyes (and I'll never sleep again)

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Rating: G Relationships: Edward & Alfons Characters: Edward Elric, Alfons Heiderich; MENTIONED - Alphonse Elric Summary: Ed gets a cat home for once. Alfons doesn't like cats. Pre-Conqueror of Shamballa. Word count: 973 AO3

A/N: Based on this cute fanart of CoS!Ed with a cat! Except I made it sad. This is also my first time writing Alfons, so I hope it's good!

TRIGGER WARNINGS - presumed past character death and grief/mourning.

DO NOT SHIP ED AND ALFONS, NOR THE ELRIC BROTHERS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

It’s a rainy, chilly night. Edward was supposed to be back at least an hour ago with groceries. But something came up…

“Ed? Where have you been?” Alfons asks from the kitchen, lighthearted even if concerned. He isn’t the kind to get mad at Ed or anyone. “I was worried you might get sick out there.”

“Nah, don’t worry too much.”

“Well, I managed some soup for now.”

“Great.” Ed takes off his boots, then he lets his wet hair loose. “I got us something special.”

There are steps coming out of the kitchen. “Oh, let me help you—”

Alfons stops in the way the moment a small meow echoes in their apartment. Ed carries all the groceries with his right arm, while the left has sheltered the cat inside his big coat.

“… What is this?” His roommate questions.

“We got a little buddy to join us for dinner, that’s what! I thought I might call him Ferdinand. Is it too grown up for him?” Ed caresses the gray cat once he releases the groceries.

“Wait, hold on, Ed. Did you really just pick up a random cat from the street?”

Ed’s smile starts to fade.

“Well, yeah… I thought it’d be nice to have a cat.” Finally, after all these years denying it.

Alfons does not look pleased with the idea. If anything, he looks not only judgmental of Ed’s decision, but he’s not very excited about the cat, which goes against Ed’s expectations.

“… You don’t like cats,” the latter confirms.

“Uh… ‘don’t like’ is a bit strong,” Alfons realizes and laughs nervously. “I’m fine with pets, but cats… I don’t really understand their temperament.”

“So you don’t like them.”

“Ed, that’s not what I meant—”

“But I know you don’t. And that’s- that’s fine. I’m sorry I brought him before knowing what you thought.”

Alfons grows quiet as Ed refuses to look him in the eye. The cat has also stopped meowing.

“Edward, I’m not mad, okay?” The former insists. “I don’t mind you having a cat, but right now, I’m not sure if it’s the best time. We’ve barely arrived here, gotten this apartment… how are you going to give the cat a home if we aren’t even able to buy much food for ourselves?”

Ed sighs. “Yeah, I know.”

He looks at the gray cat, which looks at him in return. It has beautiful hazel eyes.

Alfons scratches the back of his head.

“Well, I’m not going to tell you to leave him outside. He can stay over tonight. Maybe Ms. Gracia might help us out,” he imagines. “Maybe someone else can give him a home.”

Ed would’ve lashed out if it were a couple years ago. He remembers all the fights he pulled. He remembers all the times he did not allow a cat in his life, because he too couldn’t take care of it.

He just wanted to do this one thing he was never allowed. A little furry companion.

But no.

Alfons doesn’t like cats.

Not the way Al loved them and would’ve picked them up and hide them in his armor.

Ed can’t cry, either. He’s physically uncapable of crying. And the last time he did cry was when Al was literally separated from him for good.

The rain outside is losing its intensity.

Alfons is the one who sighs.

“Just… go take a shower and I’ll handle dinner, okay? Did you buy food for him, too?”

“Yeah.” Ed thought of everything. He even planned on giving one of his pillows to the cat and let it sleep in his room.

He places the cat on the floor for once. It meows again, pleased. Ed grabs a towel to dry the little guy.

The older Elric stares at its hazel eyes. Unlike everything else in this pale world, the eyes are the most vivid color he’s seen.

The cat is confused. It was promised it would stay.

Ed will end up breaking another promise.

“I’m sorry.”

The most emotion he’s felt in this last years.

Finally, he trusts Alfons to look after it while Ed gets warm.

He stands there for who knows how long.

Pale, pale blurs…

Ed also stares at the food and does not eat.

Alfons watches him.

“Ed…”

Another conversation that won’t go anywhere.

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s fine, Alfons.”

(The name is also spoken with poison.)

“Look, again, maybe another day you can get a cat—”

“I wanted us to get a cat, but you don’t like them and that’s okay.”

The light-blonde boy sighs but he doesn’t protest too much.

“… This isn’t just about the cat, is it?”

Wow, so smart.

Obviously, Ed’s already being an asshole to Alfons, so he decides he won’t argue anymore.

“I know you miss home, Edward, and I’m sorry. I just… I want you to know that you can count on me.”

I can’t.

Alfons thinks Ed is making everything up about where he came from. Ed lives in a world where no one remembers him, because they’re nobody.

Ed is a nobody in a world of nobodies that have faces of everybody.

The cat is lying near Ed’s foot under the table (besides wanting to eat everything else on the floor right after it ate).

“I mean it, you can trust me,” Alfons promises.

Ed sighs yet again. He finally takes some soup, which has gone cold at this point.

“Okay.”

Ed wishes he could say something else to Alfons.

But what’s the point if this world isn’t even real?

If not even in this dream Ed could get a cat? Or relive the bond that meant the world to him?

There’s nothing he can do.

He’ll just have to live in this bad dream and pay for everything that he did.

…

Ed just wants his little brother.

He just wants Al back.

[theregularwriter]

i love a good magic-related fever. Maybe it's a curse, maybe it's overuse of powers, but no matter what, it's not responding to the things a normal fever would. Medicine, rest, cold baths. Nothing works and they just have to live with it until either it passes or they break the curse. :)

[theregularwriter]

Dead Souls (They Keep Calling Me)

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Rating: T Relationships: Alphonse & Edward Characters: Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric Summary: Al watches Ed sleep. Turns out things haven't changed much. Word count: 770 AO3

A/N: I literally dreamed I wanted to write more Elric Brothers. So I decided to do that today. Especially considering how cold it's been where I live.

This takes place after Conqueror of Shamballa.

TRIGGER WARNING - Mention of alcohol.

DO NOT SHIP THE ELRIC BROTHERS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

He figures Ed isn’t as loud in his sleep as before.

Ed used to have recurrent nightmares. Al remembers them well.

Nowadays, his older brother sleeps peacefully. Unfortunately, Al knows the reason why. All those bottles in Ed’s bedroom…

Al doesn’t know how to talk to him about it. He knows it’s not an easy conversation to have, not when the Elric brothers have to focus more on the war and the people the government has been persecuting.

Now that Al has restored his memories, he’s no longer dreaming of this world, dreaming of the day he could reunite with Ed.

Alphonse now has nightmares.

His brother probably has no idea.

And it’s not like Al wants to disturb him. Not now that Edward actually sleeps without waking up in horror.

The younger Elric is sitting on the cold floor, sometimes analyzing the entirety of Ed’s room beyond the bottles of scotch. He sees his brother’s previous prosthetics, which are not as resistant as Winry’s looking from there… Many, many books, reading glasses on the table, Ed’s one loyal, oversized coat.

You might even see the picture of Ed’s previous roommate on his desk.

Al sighs.

He’s relatively close to the bed, but he’s not too glued. Mostly because he doesn’t want to wake Ed.

Al doesn’t want to go back to his room, either.

He needs to hear another living being.

Because Al can’t always feel himself.

So, Ed’s nonsensical, quiet sleepy noises comfort him. His big brother might be dreaming of home.

… if anything, he seems to be annoyed at Al.

“Al, you little…” Ed grumbles.

The younger boy can’t help smirking.

“Al…”

Ed turns around, slowly opening his eyes. Al raises an eyebrow, wondering if he’s waking up.

Well, the former’s jolt answers that question.

“ACK! What the heck?!” Ed exclaims. He calms down a little more when he realizes who’s there. “Al?”

“Um… hi, Brother.”

“Ugh, don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry.”

Ed’s grumpiness softens at Al’s low voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Then why were you watching me sleep like a total creep?”

“I don’t know, Brother! I just… like doing it. I’m sorry.”

Pause. “You couldn’t sleep?”

Al shrugs.

Ed sighs. “Just- Just get off the floor, it’s freezing tonight.”

He’s freeing some space in his bed for Al, who shyly joins him.

“How are you not wearing socks?” Ed notices, shocked. “You’re cold like ice!”

The hands touching Al’s face only now has him realize how cold he really is. Even Ed’s automail is warmer than him, and that’s saying something.

Ed’s left hand is holding one of Al’s, trying to warm it up.

“How long have you been here?” The older Elric questions.

Forever. “... not sure.”

Al doesn’t really look at him.

“You have a lot in your mind?” Ed guesses. Most specifically pointing at Al’s restored memories.

The other frowns a little instead of saying anything.

“... You didn’t want to be alone?”

Al clenches his free hand in a fist.

“It’s okay, Al.”

“I didn’t want to wake you, Brother.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“I want you to be safe, too.”

Of course.

“I… I come here when I can’t sleep. Because at least I know you’re safe.” The bottles of scotch are judging Al from somewhere he can’t see. “It’s… home, I guess.”

“Oh, Al… come here.”

He lets Ed wrap his arms around him under the heavy blankets. Al shivers now that his brother hugs him, which might feel like the old days.

Ed is so, so, so warm.

“You can tell me when you can’t sleep.”

“I’m not a little kid anymore.” Liar.

“You’re not an armor anymore.”

Al’s brown eyes tear up.

He finally returns the hug, crying in Ed’s chest.

“... Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that,” Al whispers.

“I know.”

Ed squeezes him more, as if trying to protect Al from the cold, from the Gate, from everything else.

“I’m just glad I can hold my little brother,” the former says, relieved even if pained.

‘Little’ doesn’t sound too bad.

Al was always bigger and taller than everyone else… but now he isn’t.

It’s just odd having the mind of an older boy when he’s stuck in a younger body.

And yet his big brother loves him just the same.

“Me too,” Al replies.

Ed kisses his forehead and keeps him close and warm.

He really is home.

Different.

But… home.

Home is really wherever Ed is.

He hopes Ed won’t have to drink to sleep well, and that Al won’t lose sleep as often anymore.

Maybe one day.

[theregularwriter]

Take her to the moon for me, okay?

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: G Relationship: Lars & Steven (PLATONIC!) Characters: Lars Barriga, Steven Quartz Universe; other characters are only mentioned Summary: Steven and Lars watch a movie. Word count: 2.066 AO3

A/N: I actually forgot I'd finished this story, so I'm finally posting it. It was based on a drawing I made nearly a year ago, except I made the idea a lot sadder here, lmao. But don't worry, it ends on a happy note.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - past canonical death and trauma.

Once again, do NOT ship Steven and Lars. P/roship DNI.

--

“Sooo, I was thinking we could watch this one?”

Steven reveals a tape that he recorded himself.

“It’s called Inside Out! It was released a few years ago and I never got to see it, but I thought it looked cool. But uh, maybe you have a better suggestion and you want to watch something that isn’t for kids, haha…”

“Oh no, I actually like Inside Out,” Lars says, rather securely. Steven guesses he would probably never admit that if this conversation happened a couple years before.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I, er… saw it in theaters with the Cool Kids. I didn’t think I’d like it but wow, it was incredible. I wanted to cry so badly.”

“Aw, that’s awesome! But you don’t mind watching it again, right?”

“No, no. It’s been years since I saw it and I honestly want to see your reaction. I’m not giving you any spoilers, though.”

“Okay!”

Since everything else – popcorn, drinks and snacks – is ready, Steven simply puts the tape inside the VHS player. Lars is sitting on Steven’s bed while the latter stays on the floor. Lars offers to switch places but Steven doesn’t mind it. He’s so excited for the movie that he doesn’t mind where he stays.

--

“... I’ll try, Bing Bong. I promise.”

Oh man. That part still stings.

When Lars first saw it in the theater, he managed not to shed any tears in front of the Cool Kids, even though they were openly crying and hugging each other. Lars wasn’t much of a crier around Sadie, either.

Now, Lars knows it’s okay for him to cry. He’s allowed to be vulnerable. Although he might not bawl and crash, the tears come out more naturally. It feels good, even if painful.

And of course, he’s not surprised to hear Steven sniffing.

However, he notices that Steven is very affected. The boy even muttered, “no, no, no, no,” when he realized what was going to happen. Though maybe Lars is just reading too much into it. He knows Steven is a very sensitive person, so this is to be expected.

Until Steven wraps Lars in a tight hug and he’s straight up sobbing in the latter’s chest. Lars is a little taken aback by how intense the crying is at first, but he smiles sadly and rubs the boy’s back up and down.

“Hey, it’s okay, buddy,” Lars reassures him.

“Why did he have to dieeee?” Steven whines, his voice tiny as if he’s fourteen again. “It’s not fair!”

“Yeah… I know, pal,” Lars sighs, patting his back in support.

“Joy didn’t even notice him jumping out of the cart?!”

“Maybe it was the adrenaline, I dunno.”

“She should’ve noticed!”

Lars doesn’t want to say that the lesson there was that Riley was growing up and her childhood was going away. He feels like that’s probably going to upset Steven further.

“I mean,” Steven pulls away, revealing his mess of snot. Lars searches for the tissues in the room, without standing up, but he can’t find it, “Joy is supposed to make everything better, so she should’ve known! She should’ve saved him!”

“Steven, he was going to disappear anyway,” Lars says patiently. He hopes that doesn’t make things worse.

“But he didn’t deserve to die! He just wanted to be remembered!”

“She said she would take Riley to the moon for him.”

“That’s not the same thing! He was just forgotten in that dark pit! Do they even talk about Bing Bong? Or does Joy just ignore it altogether?!” Steven raises his voice. Lars starts feeling more concerned. “He didn’t deserve it! If Joy was good enough, she wouldn’t let that happen!”

Much to Lars’ surprise, Steven starts glowing pink and crying angry tears.

“If I were good enough, Bing Bong wouldn’t be DEAD!”

The shock on Steven’s face is quick to replace the grief.

Mostly because Lars is staring at him, completely speechless. Only now realizing what they’re actually talking about.

The film is not even on; the TV makes a loud, static noise.

And Lars knows that no controller could’ve done that.

Steven sees his glowing hands and gasps, shaking himself so he represses the angry pink, and Lars knows that’s awful. Steven doesn’t want Lars to see him like this. Steven doesn’t want to be vulnerable. And this is the kid who helped Lars of all people to open up to others.

The moment the older teen opens his mouth, Steven abruptly stands on his feet, dropping the juice can he was drinking and spilling it all over the floor.

“I-I’m- I’m gonna get more popcorn!” Steven blurts out and runs away, almost falling. Lars tries to reach him but his hand is not close enough.

Lars is alone in Steven’s room, the static TV his only company. The noise is too much for his ears, so he turns it off before it drives him crazy.

Still, the static is in Lars’ head. He feels so stupid for not realizing things sooner. He feels stupid for never bothering to talk to Steven about, well, his death. Lars doesn’t even like saying the word around anyone, not even himself. Which is very unlike him, Lars will admit it. Everyone else avoids mentioning the word “death”, too, like Sadie, his parents, and the Cool Kids. The Off Colors don’t even get what it means to die in the human way.

Things are okay, sure. Everyone has accepted Lars. But they just don’t touch on it. Least of all Steven, who’s trying so hard to make everyone feel better… he does everything so Lars feels accepted, pink and all.

But if Lars is admittedly not over his death, still dealing with panic attacks and nightmares even if they’re less frequent nowadays… What about Steven? What about a kid who watched his friend die? Who had no idea he could even save Lars?

Has Steven ever talked about this with anyone else?

He knows the kid, though.

Lars can’t be quiet about this anymore.

The pink-skinned teenager finally goes downstairs, yet not rushedly. Lars doesn’t want to scare Steven, who’s in the kitchen, not even near the popcorn. Steven is seen from his back, shrunk, apparently hugging himself to keep his sobs inside of him.

“Why? Why am I like this?” Steven asks himself. “Why do I just ruin everything? I’m so stupid! Urgh!”

Lars genuinely wants to cry hearing those words. But he needs to help Steven first.

Finally, he reaches the balcony, much to Steven’s surprise.

“Oh! Lars!” The half-gem dries his eyes with his sleeves. He suddenly pretends he was getting the popcorn, as well as more drinks in the fridge. “Sorry, I-I was just- y-you can go back upstairs, I’ve got this!”

Lars finally joins him, offering a hand to take some of the cans. Steven is very unwilling to hand them over, but Lars just waits and eventually the kid gives them to him. Lars just places them back in the fridge so they don’t get warm, and he closes it. Steven doesn’t protest.

The younger boy just leans on the balcony with his whole body, making a miserable noise. Lars steps closer and puts a hand on his back again. Steven doesn’t want to be seen, but it seems that he secretly wants affection.

That way, Lars is placing both hands on Steven’s shoulders, sort of massaging them. Sadie does that for Lars when the latter is tense or about to have an emotional breakdown. It looks like it’s helping.

Steven, for once, looks at his friend, his face still a mess, eyes and nose reddened. Lars has not said a word.

“I-I’m sorry I ruined–”

“Shh… don’t worry.” Lars sighs. “I should’ve talked to you sooner.”

“No, you didn’t have to!”

“Except I should’ve. You’re always helping people, but who’s helping you? Who knows what’s going inside your head?”

Steven releases more tears, unable to deny his words.

“I never bothered to ask how you’ve been. Like, actually ask. I can’t keep pretending everything is fine. I’m sorry, Steven.”

“Lars…”

“Like, seriously. You didn’t deserve to see that.”

Steven finally stands on his feet, but his head is lowered and he’s not looking at Lars.

“But you… y-you died because of me. Because I was too stupid and- and I gave out a list of everyone to Peridot, if I knew what was going to happen next I would’ve never–”

“Hey, hey, listen to yourself; you didn’t know. You couldn’t have known, Steven. It wasn’t your fault.”

Steven doesn’t believe him.

Even though Lars is not that much taller than him nowadays, he still kneels down to look at Steven properly.

“Look at me,” Lars whispers, “I don’t hate you.”

“Y-You should.”

“But I don't. Because it’s not your fault.”

Steven sobs quietly.

“I-I just… wanted to s-save everyone…”

Lars squeezes one of his shoulders.

“You did.”

Steven, eventually, grows quieter again, but still avoids eye contact.

“Maybe…” Lars thinks over his next words. “Maybe Bing Bong couldn’t make it… but I’m here, aren’t I?”

The half-gem contemplates.

“And it’s because of you. I could never be more grateful to be here.”

Steven looks genuinely shocked. Lars is smiling. Then he’s drying some of the boy’s tears.

“I should’ve told you that sooner, huh?” The older teen asks. “Well, I’ll make sure to tell you that more often now.”

The sixteen-year-old breaks, in a good way. Lars is now the one pulling him in a hug and Steven allows it this time. He’s finally opening the cracks and letting them be seen. Lars stays and lets the kid mourn the times no one ever said those things to him. He’s there to make sure Steven understands he’s not hated, he’s not expected to answer everything there is to know of the universe. Lars just wants him to be a kid. The kid he never got to be.

Steven doesn’t need to be happy all the time.

He can be sad. He can be angry. He can be afraid.

It’s okay.

--

After cleaning the room, Lars says they don’t have to finish the movie. Steven, however, is willing to see the rest. They’re both sitting on the bed now.

The part where Riley comes home…

Steven cries but this time he relies on Lars, who catches him with one of his arms.

Inside Out still ends on a good note. They hint at a sequel, but overall it reassures them that things will be okay no matter the obstacles in life.

As the credits roll, Steven hasn’t left Lars’ support just yet.

“Did you like it?” Lars wonders.

“Y-Yeah, I loved it.”

While it’s a genuine answer, it sounds like Steven is thinking of something else.

“I’m…” He gulps. “I’m glad you’re here, Lars.”

It can mean many things.

Lars grins.

“Yeah, buddy. Me too.”

Steven smiles back.

“Do you, uh, want to go home or… maybe watch something else…?”

Lars hums. “Yeah, I’d love to stay longer.”

“I dunno if I have more movies here…”

“We could just watch whatever’s on TV.”

Steven is analyzing all the tapes he keeps.

“Do you… know Camp Pining Hearts?”

Lars blinks. “You have that?”

“Yeah. I mean, what’s left of them. Peridot took all my tapes. I also heard they’re making a reboot, so maybe I could get in on the hype. But I dunno if you’re into that kind of stuff.”

Lars sighs. “Alright, Steven, hear me out. I was… the biggest CPH fan back in the day.”

“Whoa, really?”

“Yeah. Not even Sadie knew about that until recently.”

“Wow, I think you and Peridot and Lapis would get along well, then.”

“Maybe.”

“She ships Percy and Pierre.”

Lars hums, content. “Excellent taste.”

Steven laughs. “I still don’t get it, but okay.”

Regardless, the two boys get the tapes that are very out of order – and it turns out they’re the bad episodes of CPH since Peridot apparently got all the good ones – but they have a good time either way. The series is… worse than Lars remembered. But it’s fun and intriguing, honestly.

But most importantly, he likes to watch it with someone that gets it. Sadie was never into CPH even after Lars told her about it.

Steven is having a good blast with it.

Lars is having even more of a good time.

To see the kid being a kid.

[theregularwriter]

Tempo Perdido

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: G

Relationships: Steven & Lars; MINOR/MENTIONED - Steven & Greg, Steven & The Crystal Gems

Characters: Steven Quartz Universe, Lars Barriga; MENTIONED - Greg Universe, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst

Summary: Finally, Steven checks his phone. Plenty of missed calls from Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst. Pearl has sent some polite yet concerned text messages asking where he is. Amethyst has tried to send sad stickers and emojis which are kind of humorous, even if also worried. Garnet has sent a picture of Cat Steven lying on his hot dog bag. Basically saying Cat Steven misses him. It’s supposed to be cute, but it only overwhelms Steven.

That’s the issue. All of their attempts are making him want to stay gone. He feels awful for it. Steven knows he’s just making them worried. But they wouldn’t understand.

Word count: 1.827

AO3

A/N: I haven't written about my favorite boys in a while. This story though is another product from venting. I detail it more in the author notes on AO3, but basically my holidays have been very lonely, so I decided to write my feelings down (this might be OOC as well). I hope you guys are doing well at this time of year.

There might be some Crystal Gems bashing but please don't take it as character hate. Again, this is me projecting.

Happy New Year!

TRIGGER WARNINGS - mentioned neglect and suicidal thoughts (this one is very brief).

DO NOT SHIP STEVEN AND LARS. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

Not even on his vacation does he feel relaxed.

Steven’s phone keeps vibrating, either with messages or missed calls. He distracts himself by helping Lars, and it’s good that there’s music playing so his friend doesn’t hear Steven’s cell phone. The younger boy doesn’t want to turn it off to not raise suspicion.

Eventually, the phone stops. So does the baking.

The last chore is the dishes. Lars washes them while Steven does the drying, for the most part. Until…

“Thanks, Steven. I can handle the rest.”

“Oh, okay.”

Steven tries not to sound disappointed.

His phone starts vibrating again.

It shouldn’t make him feel panicked.

He knows he can just turn it off.

But he knows that will make him look bad.

Steven isn’t a bad person. He can’t be.

“... you alright there, Steven?”

The water has been quieted down. Lars is seeing through him.

“U-Um, yeah! W-Why wouldn’t I be?”

Yeah, real smooth, Steven.

“Do you need anything? Maybe some water?” Lars offers, not being sarcastic like he usually is. “I could turn on the TV for you.”

“It’s fine. I just, uh, gotta go to the restroom if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

Steven rushes before Lars asks anything else.

The restroom isn’t very small but it almost feels… claustrophobic, like Connie said once (Steven almost thought it meant fear of Santa Claus). He’s doing everything not to let his heaving obvious. He doesn’t want his pink glow to be seen from under the door, either.

Finally, Steven checks his phone. Plenty of missed calls from Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst. Pearl has sent some polite yet concerned text messages asking where he is. Amethyst has tried to send sad stickers and emojis which are kind of humorous, even if also worried. Garnet has sent a picture of Cat Steven lying on his hot dog bag. Basically saying Cat Steven misses him. It’s supposed to be cute, but it only overwhelms Steven.

That’s the issue. All of their attempts are making him want to stay gone. He feels awful for it. Steven knows he’s just making them worried. But they wouldn’t understand.

It’s better if he just disappeared.

…

That’s… not actually a bad idea.

Steven has a car, after all. It’s parked near the Car Wash, which is closed with his father away for another tour. The gems won’t be there, hopefully. Maybe Garnet won’t predict it.

Besides, Lars doesn’t need him anymore. Steven is just going to get in the way.

It’s decided.

Steven takes a deep breath. He opens the door very, very slowly.

He doesn’t see Lars in the kitchen and the music has been turned off. He guesses his friend must be in the living room or maybe he went upstairs so he won’t see Steven leave.

Of course, Steven is not that lucky.

Lars is on the couch checking his phone. The living room is way too silent and he can’t stay there.

“Hey, uh, you won’t need anything else, right?” Steven asks out of politeness, even though he knows the answer.

“Why, you’re leaving already?” The older teen wonders, putting his phone away. “I thought you were staying a little longer to hang out.”

“Oh, sorry, it’s just…” Steven points at his own cell phone. “T-They called me from Little Homeschool, they need me.”

Lars frowns.

“... Steven, you’re on vacation.”

And of course he would know that, thanks to the Off Colors.

Steven doesn’t have any other apology in mind. Not when more messages come to him.

He’s slowly breaking right there.

So, he goes to the front door.

“Whoa, hey, where are you going?”

“I just have to go.”

He opens the door.

“Steven, wait.”

A hand is stopping him.

It’s not forcing him to stay or anything.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I just…” Steven cracks, insisting, “I need to go.”

“Go where? Home?”

“I have to get out. I can’t stay. I can’t stay anymore.”

At this point, he’s unable to keep the tears inside him.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs quietly.

“Steven… it’s okay.”

The thumb is rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

“... I don’t want to go home,” Steven admits. “Does… D-Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, of course not.”

He doesn’t entirely believe it, but the boy doesn’t protest.

“Listen… I don’t want to trap you here,” Lars clarifies. “But I’m worried about letting you go out there alone like this. You could sit down here a bit or… we could go somewhere else, anywhere you wanna go. Would that be okay?”

Steven doesn’t want to drag anyone else with him. He also knows Lars would never force anything on him, but he wants to at least make sure Steven is safe.

(Lars is not like the gems, treating him like some little kid, but not seeing him like a grown adult that can do everything on his own, either.)

Without thinking twice, the half-gem turns around to hug Lars, knowing he’s going to break down entirely and he won’t be able to stop it. His tall friend is embracing him in return, not saying any words, but still letting Steven know he won’t be alone.

--

The gems aren’t there expecting him when Steven and Lars get to the car.

(Is he disappointed by that?)

Lars offers to drive for him, but Steven declines it. He wants to at least feel some control over things. Admittedly, he almost wants to tell Lars he doesn’t need to go with him, but Steven isn’t even sure where he’s going and… he’s scared.

Lars certainly understands the feeling. And he won’t judge Steven for it.

The drive is nice. They’re not really talking but they appreciate the calm route and the woods as they enter them. That one song is playing…

Being human.

Steven will sometimes gaze at Lars, who always looks back and smiles. It gives him so much warmth, that the dread in his gut will finally be silenced.

To be fair, they don’t go too far. Steven just wants a place where he can see everything with more clarity. They don’t actually leave Beach City. The Dondai Supremo stops at the Brooding Hill. The sunset is beautiful as always.

The smell of nature is refreshing. Not new, but different, light. Below he can hear the ocean hitting the rocks with all its strength.

Steven doesn’t leave the car. He lies on it while Lars sits next to him.

It’s a moment like this when Steven realizes how much he misses his dad and his road trips. Steven misses the soft guitar playing with the breeze. He misses Dad’s voice singing a lullaby. Steven has his ukulele but it’s just not the same thing.

Dear old dad…

Steven feels a little childish wanting his dad, but he was the one person to go to whenever things were dire and confusing. What he’d give to have some good advice…

The boy starts crying again, yearning for that familiarity.

It’s so, so, so lonely.

Steven, of course, doesn’t want to diminish Lars’ presence here. It definitely helps. Still, Steven wishes he could have a dad hug right now.

Lars scoots closer so their legs are touching.

“Nothing… Nothing is the same anymore,” Steven vents.

Very hypocritical of him. Lars was the person he told these same words back when Lars thought Sadie didn’t want anything to do with him. Even then, the pink teenager never mentions this. He just stares in silence with a sympathetic expression.

Steven left the phone inside the car, so he doesn’t hear it screaming for him.

“... the gems wanted to take me on vacation,” he reveals. “To this house in the fields we went a couple years ago. But for some reason, I just… I can’t stand being around them anymore. Imagine if I was isolated with them in the middle of nowhere without phone service? Not to mention my dad wouldn’t go with us?”

Steven turns pink but not entirely out of anger.

“I can’t even say ‘no’ to them. I feel like they’re going to get angry with me. Or they’re going to make me feel guilty. And- And maybe they’re right, I’m being selfish. I feel like a stupid kid missing my dad and just wanting him here, but I can’t even hear his voice. I’ve tried but he won’t pick up the phone. Obviously.” Steven looks at the ocean far away. “He’s busy. He has more important things going on.”

“... you’re not stupid,” Lars says simply. “Nor selfish.”

Steven sighs.

“I love the gems, but… they’re just being overbearing lately. I should be grateful they’re actually trying to spend time with me, instead of disappearing for days.” He regrets sounding so spiteful but Lars doesn’t reprimand him – not that he would, really. “But even when I’m with them, I just feel… alone, anyway.”

The seagulls fly in the distance, free.

Free, free, free.

“I feel like running away and never coming back sometimes. But I can’t do that. I have to stay to help everyone. I can’t be like my mom. I’m not like her.”

(To think he’s still haunted by this years later…)

Steven looks at Lars like he’s a kicked puppy, then shyly lies his head against Lars’ leg. It’s not like his dad’s comfort, but it’s something. His friend caresses Steven’s black hair softly, which makes the latter shed more tears.

“... Maybe things would be easier if I wasn’t here,” the half-gem sniffs. “Nowadays everything just hurts.”

Lars briefly stops before resuming the caressing.

Then, the silence reigns.

The sunset is leaving, slowly giving place to the stars.

Steven wishes it didn’t have to go.

He can’t make the sun stay.

And he hates it.

The night sky scares him. It reminds him of space. It’s beautiful but haunting and empty and vast…

Steven sighs again and leaves the comfort, nearly getting inside the Dondai again when Lars stops him.

“Hey, really, let me drive this time,” Lars insists but not forcefully.

“It’s fine.”

“You could stay over at my place tonight. I know you don’t want to face the gems right now… I could tell them you’re staying with me.”

Steven’s eyes widen. “Lars, you don’t have to…”

“Well, I want to. Like I said, I just want you to be okay. You don’t have to be with the gems… and you don’t have to be on your own, either.”

Lars is giving him a place to stay. He knows Steven has nothing else, and he’s willing to help.

It’s so much.

But… it’s good.

True, Steven could reject it, leave Lars home, and probably sleep in the car the same way he did before he had a beach house years ago.

But he doesn’t have to.

He has another choice now.

“... okay.”

Steven smiles in the middle of the tears.

Lars drives for him on the way back.

Maybe he doesn't have the control anymore... but he trusts Lars with it.

Steven will be okay.

[theregularwriter]

Don't Forget

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)

Rating: G

Relationships: Alphonse & Edward

Characters: Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric

Summary: It's a special date for the Elrics.

Word count: 717

AO3

A/N: Technically for October 3rd, but it's FMA 2003's 20th anniversary today, so I guess it still counts.

This takes place after Conqueror of Shamballa.

DO NOT SHIP THE ELRIC BROTHERS. P/roship DNI.

--

Al shouldn’t be feeling nervous, really. He and Ed have known each other since forever. Still, Al can’t help shaking a little, mostly as he leaves everything ready.

Either way, Alphonse makes his way to Edward’s door, hoping he’s not going to bother him.

He takes a deep breath and knocks.

“Brother?” He calls.

“Oh, come in!”

Al slowly opens the door, finding Ed’s desk filled with papers – all from the rocket science course.

“Sorry, are you busy?” Al asks.

“No, no, don’t worry about it.” Ed takes off his reading glasses – and Al knows Ed would hate him if he ever told him that Ed looks like their father. “What’s up?”

Al blinks, distracting himself from the thought.

Ed suddenly starts smelling something.

“Did you bake something?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, uh… yeah, I got the recipe from Ms. Gracia.”

“Oh,” Ed smiles, “that’s great, Al.”

The younger Elric shouldn’t be this nervous.

“I-I made it for you!” Al blurts out.

Ed softens. “For me? Why?”

It does hurt a little to hear him sound so surprised. Like Ed doesn’t deserve good things.

“Come on, let me just show you.” Al offers him a hand. His brother takes it, confused, so he lets Al pull him out of the chair and towards the dining table.

There lies a cherry pie fresh from the oven… and the handmade card Al made. He’s confident that the pie is good, but as for the latter… He hasn’t really drawn in ages, and has only picked it up again in times of boredom.

Much to his surprise, Ed seems more awestruck by the card than the pie. He takes it carefully in his hands.

Al rubs the back of his own neck, unsure what to do.

Dear Brother,

I know today is not a good date. I know it meant that we lost what we once had. But I wanted to celebrate that you’re still here with me. I would never trade it for anything in the world.

Thank you for always looking out for me. I love you.

Al

The cover itself is, well, a sketch of Ed smiling genuinely, even if sadly. Something Al wishes he could see more often – just his brother being happy.

When Al looks back…

“... Oh no, Brother! I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he apologizes, hating himself for ever thinking this stupid card could make this day easier. “I’m so sorry.”

Ed appears to only then realize that he’s indeed crying. He touches his wet face in shock, as if he hasn’t cried in years .

“I just- I wanted…” Al doesn’t know what to say.

Suddenly, he hears a laugh.

“Oh, Al.”

Then, he finds himself in his brother’s arms. Al freezes, not expecting the reaction. Ed hugs him tightly, burying his face in the other’s shoulder, seeking Al’s warmth. It sometimes surprises Al, remembering he can actually feel his brother’s touch now. That Al is finally here, back as a human being.

It didn’t happen as they wanted it to… but just the fact Al gets to hug Ed again is more than enough.

“I love you, too,” Ed whispers. “I love you so much.”

Al can’t help it. His eyes are filled with water.

“Thank you for being here,” Edward adds

Alphonse smiles. “Of course, Brother.”

Ed doesn’t let go for a while… not that Al is complaining. He does whine when his brother decides to kiss his cheek multiple times, though.

“I truly have one talented little brother,” Ed compliments. “An artist AND a baker?”

Al rolls his eyes. “Come on, you’re exaggerating.”

“No way, this is beautiful. I’m keeping this forever. And I’m putting all your art on the fridge.”

He laughs. “Ugh, Brother!”

Ed snorts, ruffling his darker blond hair.

With this, they finally decide to eat the pie together. Ed finds it a masterpiece, of course. Al can’t help blushing; his brother can be so embarrassing.

Since today is technically Ed’s day off, the Elric brothers decide to go out in town. After greeting their friends, they head out to the park. At one point, Ed wraps an arm around Al and pulls him close. Al smiles and leans against him.

On this day, they lost everything.

But today, they have each other.

They’re home.

[theregularwriter]

I want something just like this

Fandom: The Owl House

Rating: G

Relationships: Hunter & Darius, Hunter/Luz (romantic)

Characters: Hunter, Darius Deamonne, Luz Noceda; MENTIONED - Emperor Belos | Philip Wittebane

Summary: Hunter wants his first Grom to be perfect. He just doesn't know how Darius is going to react.

Word count: 1.336

AO3

A/N: I bet I'm going to get hate for this lmao. The focus though isn't the romance, so if you can still tolerate Lunter then I guess you'll be able to enjoy the Dadrius. This is my first time writing Darius/Dadrius though, so I hope it's good enough, at least.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - past child abuse and trauma

HUNTER AND LUZ ARE NOT CANONICALLY SIBLINGS. HATE AND ANNOYING COMMENTS WILL BE BLOCKED.

P/roship DNI.

--

“Your carriage still awaits, little prince.”

“Just a second!” Hunter replies, trying to tie his hair and failing miserably. Multiple times.

There’s an impatient sigh.

“You know it’s rude to keep your girlfriend waiting, young man.”

“I just need a minute!”

“No, Hunter, you’re late.”

“You’re not helping me get done!”

“What are you possibly doing in there?” Darius questions, annoyed. “I’ve taught you how to dress fittingly, it shouldn’t be hard at this point.”

“It’s different this time!”

“What do you mean?” The door handle moves, but it can’t get through the lock. Darius knocks again, firmer this time. “Hunter, let me in.”

“I just need FIVE MINUTES!” Hunter snaps.

“If you don’t open this door on the count of three, I’m tearing it down myself.”

The boy freezes.

A sensation he hasn’t felt in long.

Maybe it’s Darius’ tone, maybe it’s the reason why he’s taking so much time to come out, maybe it’s the fact he doesn’t know what’s going to happen if the door is indeed torn down.

Regardless, Darius starts counting.

“One…”

Hunter stares at himself in the mirror. He knows it’s almost done, but it’s not perfect.

“Two…”

Fearing what will come next, the teenager quickly opens the door and turns his back to Darius. He can tell the man is already crossing his arms, disappointed.

“Well?”

Gulping, Hunter holds his homemade cloak, hiding most of it from his mentor. He’s shaking an awful lot and he tries not to make it obvious, but of course, Hunter is a mess and he’s terrible at hiding things.

“I…” he sighs. “I tried…”

Finally, he gives in and turns back to his mentor. Noting the heavy silence in the room, Hunter can’t look at the other’s green eyes, for he wanted to look exactly like him: the cloak covering part of his body, only it’s on his right arm instead of the left. The blond hair tied in a bun with longer sideburns. The difference being that Hunter wears a dark gray suit, besides the cloak being red in honor of Flapjack.

As he gets no response from Darius, Hunter’s brown eyes blur.

“It’s bad, isn’t it,” he assumes.

Darius takes a while to respond.

“Hunter–”

“I’m sorry, I- I tried, I wanted to be good”– Hunter’s lips quiver and his legs shake so much that he’s on the floor, begging for the other’s mercy –“but I failed, I’m a failure.”

“Titans, Hunter, no.” He senses another presence kneeling down in front of him.

“Forgive me, I’m- I’m a mess, I’m not right!”

“Hunter,” Darius begs, “Hunter, listen to me. Can you listen to me?”

The boy nods.

“Can you look at me?”

Hunter, hesitantly, obeys, face wet with tears.

“None of that is true,” Darius tells him. “You’re not a failure. You don’t need to prove that you’re good.”

Hunter sniffs. “I just… I just wanted to be like you.”

“You don’t need to be. You’re enough just the way you are.”

Waffles has flown to Darius’ shoulder, trying to reinforce his mentor’s words. Hunter’s dread slowly quiets down.

Darius doesn’t act superior to him. He doesn’t control Hunter with the use of fear; he’s here, on the same level as his, gently reassuring him in a way Belos would never. Darius is nothing like Belos.

Hunter knows at this point he should be able to tell the difference, but sometimes it feels like he’s back to square one, and it’s scary and painful, fearing for his life ending at any wrong step. Hence why he’s so surprised that Darius is… actually safe. Has always been safe.

The teen dries his face.

“I… I still want to be like you, Darius,” Hunter concludes. “Not because I want to please you… but because I’m really proud to have your guidance.”

Darius looks… emotional.

Before Hunter can look further into it, he’s being pulled in a hug, strong arms soothing him from the evils of the world, even the ones that aren’t out there, but inside Hunter’s head.

The latter freezes again, but… it’s the good kind.

Darius doesn’t usually show affection other than head pats. Sometimes he goes for the hand on Hunter’s shoulder. But never a hug.

And it’s not a quick hug, for that matter.

It lasts a long time. Saying so many words that will never be spoken.

But Hunter can definitely hear “I’m sorry” and “I would kick Belos’ butt myself if I could.”

And he can’t help smiling, ultimately calming down in the embrace.

Finally, Darius clears his throat nervously and lets go, patting Hunter’s arms.

“Now, we can’t keep your girlfriend waiting,” the former insists. “You could’ve asked for my help, you know.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” I wanted it to be perfect.

“Sure you did.” Darius smiles.

He helps Hunter with the hair bun, as well as adjusting the clothes since everything is a mess. But for the most part, he doesn’t have to change anything else about his looks.

“Alright, this should do,” Darius sighs.

Hunter hums at the mirror. “Do I look okay?”

“You look… like you.”

“And is that good?”

“Obviously.”

He blushes, unsure what to say.

With this, Darius is guiding him to the front door, where Luz awaits, wearing a dark purple and red suit, her brown hair slicked back. She gasps and grins widely, eyes sparkling like light spells, and she runs all the way to Hunter to hug him.

“Oh my gosh! You look so handsome!” Luz exclaims.

Hunter’s cheeks burn as red as his cloak. “Heh, I… had some help.”

He smiles cheekily at Darius, who winks at him.

“Wait, hold on,” Luz lets go, taking her phone. “I gotta take a picture of you guys!”

“Of… us?” Hunter and Darius look at one another, surprised.

“Yeah! You look so much like father and son!”

Hunter is taken aback by the word choice. Darius, his… father? Would he approve of that?

Before he can actually ask, Darius is putting an arm around him and pulling him close, posing rather happily for the photo. Hunter is frozen for a while, not believing this is really happening. But once Darius gives him a trusting look, the boy loosens up and puts his own arm on his mentor’s back.

When Luz shows them the picture, it doesn’t look awkward in the slightest. It looks natural, it looks… right.

“Could you send it to me later?” Darius requests.

“Sure!”

“Alright, now it’s my turn to take pictures of the love birds.”

Waffles appears the moment the word “birds” is said. Hunter and Luz pose for the camera. Only he doesn’t look at it – he’s staring at his girlfriend with the dumbest smile of all. The blue jay palisman is lying on Hunter’s head, much to Darius’ enjoyment.

“I’ll be sending these to you two and your mother, Luz,” Darius tells them.

“They look awesome!” Luz slides through the pictures. “Thanks, Darius!”

“Yeah… thanks.” For everything, Hunter wants to add.

He has never seen Darius this happy and proud.

“Now, go have fun, you’re rather late,” he says, making a shooing gesture. “I’ll be picking you two up later tonight.”

“Okay! Bye!” Luz waves excitedly at him.

“Bye, Darius,” Hunter says rather shyly, but with so much feeling.

The man is waving back, looking like he’s going to cry of joy at any moment.

Finally, Luz is offering her hand to Hunter, who takes it gently and confidently. She looks at him like he’s the most beautiful person she’s ever met. He could say the very same about her.

His first Grom night is fun. It’s filled with life and love. It’s when Hunter realizes he’ll always be loved and supported, even when everything seems to turn against him. Today, he gets to be a normal boy, enjoying his night with his girlfriend and all of his friends, and knowing his father figure will be waiting for him later.

Hunter knows now… he has a home to return to.

[theregularwriter]

You Know You're Right

Fandom: Heartstopper

Rating: T

Relationships: Charlie/Nick

Characters: Charlie Spring, Nick Nelson; MINOR/MENTIONED - Ben Hope

Summary: Charlie has a bad day. For @sicktember, prompts Sick and Injured, and Pounding Headache (alternate)

Word count: 1.318

AO3

A/N: This was inspired by Solitaire, so it might be a little heavier than the TV show. I apologize if this doesn't count as a sickfic, and if anyone is OOC.

Please read the trigger warnings below.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - physical abuse, stalking, dissociation, and implied/referenced self-harm.

P/roship DNI.

--

Today sucks.

Charlie’s head has been aching all day, and it only gets worse the more he’s forced to sit through classes, to hear all the student noises. On top of it all, he hasn’t seen Nick all day because of another lousy exam.

Charlie just wants to scream. He wants to go home.

But school won’t let him. And it’s not like he wants to skip school after nearly failing.

So, he gets through with it.

He thinks today couldn’t get any worse.

When he realises…

He’s being followed on his way out.

Charlie tries to hide in the crowd, dodging everyone in order to get to the restroom. But before he can get in one of the cabinets, the door opens violently – not loudly, but coldly – and he’s being ambushed. The headache sounds angry. Like it’s never satisfied with him.

It’s demanding. Asking why Charlie has been avoiding it like the plague – which is something he should’ve done from the very start – after everything. Now that it’s trying to get better.

The only thing Charlie tells it is to fuck off. With those words.

What happens next…

He doesn’t know.

Everything is a complete haze. His head is pounding now.

There are muffled insults and obsessive remarks that he can’t quite distinguish, but somehow he’s listening loud and clear.

Then, it’s gone.

Charlie is left alone.

Where is he?

He doesn’t move.

He can’t.

He feels his vision darkening.

He might as well not even be here.

There has to be something to bring him back.

Something real.

Charlie is about to automatically grab his pencil case, when he feels something… ringing in his pocket.

That’s when he finds himself back in the school restroom. Alone. Pencil case in hand.

When Charlie realises what he was about to do…

It must’ve been some sort of miracle for his phone to ring right now.

He answers it dumbfounded, without checking who’s calling him.

“Hello?” Charlie says.

“Hey.”

“Oh.” Even after all this time, he swears he still gets butterflies by hearing Nick’s voice. “Hi.”

“I sent you a few messages but you didn’t reply, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s- it’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Where are you?”

“I’m in the restroom. Near… the music room. I think.”

Idiot. ‘I think’??

“Alright. Do you want me to pick you up?” Nick asks regardless, the patient boyfriend that he is.

Charlie swallows. “Okay.”

“Okay. I’m on my way. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When he turns to the sink…

“... shit!”

How…

He doesn’t even remember getting that.

It must’ve been the headache.

Oh no.

There’s no way he’s getting away with this. What should he do? What should he say?

If he had makeup with him, he could’ve…

But the overthinking only worsens his pounding headache, so much that Charlie wants to cry literally right there. Yeah, it’ll definitely not worry Nick more than it already will.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do, if not for something stupid. After all, the pencil case is still in his hand.

That’s when the door opens again, this time calmer, and yet Charlie still quickly turns around, both to hide his face and his weapon. He feels like there’s no floor to support him.

“Char?” Nick says with the most delicacy possible.

The younger teen knows he can’t hide it. Least of all from his boyfriend.

“Is something wrong?”

Charlie says nothing.

“Can you look at me? Please?” Nick sounds more scared.

He can’t do this to him.

Charlie sighs, turning to him.

The look on the other’s face…

It’s the most horror he’s ever seen.

Then Nick is rushing to Charlie, grabbing him by the arms.

“Who did this to you?” He asks immediately. “Harry? Who did this, Charlie?”

He sounds angry.

Charlie is looking down.

Tearing up.

Is… is it because of Nick?

No, no, Nick would never…

“... I told him to go away.”

Charlie says this like he’s trying to defend himself.

Why?

He doesn’t have to.

“I blocked him, for God’s sake, and he- he literally stalked me.”

Obviously, Harry would never do such a thing, as much of a dick he was.

Nick picks up the pieces fast.

He’s inhaling and exhaling in fury.

Charlie wants to run away.

Why?

Why?

“Charlie,” Nick’s voice suddenly softens a lot. Like he suddenly realised why the other boy is so afraid.

He’s touching his face so carefully, letting him know that it’s okay. That Charlie is safe with Nick. That Nick is safe.

Charlie is the one desperately hugging his boyfriend, begging to have that sort of contact, begging to silence the stupid headache. Wanting to hide himself, wanting to be with Nick, and not alone in that scary restroom. Charlie doesn’t want to be reminded how worthless he is. He doesn’t want to be punished for establishing boundaries. For existing.

“It hurts,” he sobs. “It hurts so much.”

Nick breathes in, wrapping his arms around Charlie. The latter wets the former’s uniform, but is too busy to apologise for it. Not that it matters. He knows it won’t matter to Nick. To him, only Charlie matters. He would never disrespect him, would never do anything to hurt him. Nick would never be a headache that pounds and screams in his head.

To this day, it’s still unbelievable.

But Charlie allows it.

He’ll be okay.

He’ll be okay.

--

Charlie wakes up sleepy, his headache long gone.

He smells Nick, even if the actual Nick is not there.

After all, he’s wearing a jumper that is not his, and Nellie is cuddling with him.

He smiles, ruffling the dog’s fur.

The room is lit only by soft lights, the day replaced by the night. Everything is quiet and nice and safe.

Charlie finds his phone lying on the other side of the bed, so he takes it – while waking up Nellie, who licks his face happily – and checks if there are any new notifications. He’s kind of relieved there aren’t, mostly from his family. It’s likely Nick must’ve told them he’s here.

Speaking of him…

“Hi.” The door creaks.

“Hi,” Charlie smiles.

Nick is carrying a cup of tea with him, which smells nice and warm. Charlie sits on the bed to take it.

“Is your head better?” Nick wonders.

“Much better.”

Nick hums, which doesn’t sound quite right.

When Charlie looks back at him, he can’t deal with his boyfriend’s sad puppy gaze. Mainly because it’s staring at his face.

“Does it hurt?” Nick whispers.

Charlie takes a sip. “Not really.”

The former is touching his face again.

“Does it look bad?” Charlie asks.

“No. Just… purple. But not swollen at least.”

“Okay.”

There’s a tense silence between them. Charlie wants to say something more. He just doesn’t know what it is.

“I’m sorry,” Nick says.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“Nick, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

“You couldn’t have known, either.”

“I mean, I know Ben. I should’ve expected him to do that.”

“No, Charlie. You said yourself you blocked him and you were avoiding him. He should’ve known better, not you.”

“Well then, it’s not your fault either.”

Nick looks defeated. “That’s fair.”

Charlie gives him a little smile.

“I just really want to kick his ass,” Nick says honestly.

“Me too.”

They both snort.

“And I wish no one could ever hurt you again,” his boyfriend whispers sadly.

Charlie lies his head against his shoulder, saying nothing else.

When he finishes his tea, Nick is cuddling with him, giving him kisses on his forehead and his face every now and then.

Charlie knows the headache is gone. But he knows the pain inside might never truly disappear. Nick is also aware of that, and he wants to tell Charlie that he’s going to be there for him no matter what.

He believes Nick.

He doesn’t need to run away.

Not anymore.