theresnobox-blog

[theresnobox-blog]

Under Quarantine

My ADHD brain cannot simply adjust to this new setup. I’m finding it hard to be productive now that the structure and system I’ve built around my work are temporarily unavailable. 

[theresnobox-blog]

Seeking Help: Psychologist vs. Psychiatrist

When I finally realized I want to act on my ADHD, I still don't know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. According to my clinic, unless requested, they usually assign a psychologist to their new clients. That's why they initially introduced me to a psychologist. In our session, she asked me couple of questions about my reason for going there, details about my experiences in school and at work, and other relative stuff. In the end, she simply diagnosed me. She gave me options, I could (1) take their comprehensive psychological evaluation test for 8000php ($160), (2) try to fix my lifestyle by using notes and by meditating, or (3) set an appointment with a psychiatrist for prescription. I don't want to take the test because I find it expensive. I am already practicing meditation and I have multiple calendars & to-do lists. I want prescriptions.

You see, I went there seeking immediate help. I was so eager to do something about my issue and I am ready to take medications, if necessary. I got frustrated because she validated everything I have learned from the internet but I personally want more action. In the Philippines, that session cost 2000php (or $40) and as a new employee, that's expensive for me.

Almost a month later, I finally got enough money to set an appointment with a psychiatrist. During our session, he asked me similar questions and additional ones that probes my ADHD tendencies such as my reaction to long lines, my concept of time, and my approach to deadline. He explained to me the neurological process of ADHD and how medication works. He gave me options for my preferred medication and then prescribed me 30 pills of 20mg of Ritalin, a long acting stimulant drug. I am supposed to try this first and assess if it works for me or not. Even though this session was slightly more expensive, 2500php ($50), I was more satisfied that I can finally test something.

Based from this experience, I do not intend to invalidate psychologists. I wanted to act on my ADHD because I felt like I have found out enough about it through my own probing, but I can't say that everyone will be the same.

If you are considering setting an appointment and unsure of your case, talking to a psychologist might be able to help you assess it. If you are seeking prescriptions for a specific case such as ADHD, seek a psychiatrist.

[theresnobox-blog]

"It's like being the smartest, stupidest, most motivated, and laziest in the room... all at the same time."

-Jessica McCabe

[theresnobox-blog]

And then there's ADHD

I thought I was normal, until I was not.

My entire school experience was not pleasant. Eventhough I had good grades and even graduated with honors, I didn't feel I was good enough. Not because I was failing, but because I felt like I can do much better than that.

I had high grades in the subjects I love but I almost failed in those that I don't. As a kid and a student, you'll think it's normal. That's what it was... I'm just lazy and I procrastinate a lot.

But being in that position frustrated me. It gave me anxiety and it made me hate school. I was always late going to class, I can't memorize stuff, and most often than not, I sleep during discussions. I felt envious with my classmates who can focus on a boring lectures for hours.

I graduated though... and started working.

The situation became slightly better because I'm more motivated to move and work. But after a few months of doing robotic tasks, I got bored and I started to flunk. My manager and I kept arguing and I came to the point that I told her that "I'm not a robot". I almost quit.

Luckily, one guy from that company (who is now my mentor), saw my potential and absorbed me into his department. I enjoyed working with him and I became better, my work were exemplary. I got appreciation for my work and my bosses were happy.

But whenever I finish my task early and I got nothing else to do, I become uneasy. And as I work, I had to move myself to an isolated room where I could be alone. I was always the first one to go to the office and the last one to leave, mainly because I cannot work well when there were people in the office as distractions. I had to wait for them to leave to finish my work.

Then one day, one of the bosses saw me fidgeting and said, "I think you might have ADHD or ADD."

"What? Are you serious? That's impossible."

But inside, ideas started snapping in my head and I knew I had to check it out.

However, for months, I procrastinated on it.

"I'll check it later, just not now."

Until I got the chance to hangout with another boss and he casually stated that, "I think this gurl has an attention issue. She reads a lot of books and watches series simultaneously."

And he even joked that the suitable drug for me would be Valium to tone me down. And to that, my response was, "why would I want to be toned down? Wouldn't that be boring?"

Again, I brushed it off.

One day, as I was casually surfing through YouTube, I bumped into a video about ADD and it interested me. This video led me to the book Delivered from Distraction and I read it as well. That night changed my life because for the first time, I read a version of my story narrated back to me.

By impulsivity, I went online and looked for a psychiatrist near me. I contacted the first one that caught my attention and set an appointment. In a week, I got diagnosed. I have ADHD.

I have never considered having such thing mainly because I don't feel sick. The terms 'deficit' and 'disorder' didn't seem right for me because I didn't feel bad. I thought I was lazy and inefficient, but not this.

I was confused.

But after lots and lots of talking, I finally accepted it and I thought, "well, this is gonna be fun!"

I wanted to write my story to keep tract and remember... because I have a tendency to forget. But at the same time, I would like to share my story to those who would be interested.

This is my journey to discovering the world of ADHD... you're free to tag along if you're interested. ;)

[theresnobox-blog]

"Pursue excellence and success will run after you, pants down."

- 3 Idiots