theretrospecimen

[theretrospecimen]

(...) (...) (...)

I want to get back.

enough of this misery

lets get back!

but alas, the pain.

the change.

the fear.

is it worth it?

it is - well, it is.

but is it?

well (...) (...) (...)

that you have to say.

__ the retro specimen (Nov 1, 2022)

[theretrospecimen]

for more.

shredded wisps of ashes

from the cigarette, we shared last night

the crumpled sheets

smelling booze, sweat, tears

still echoing

ringing

rrringing

rrrrrrinng

in my ears

the cry - the beg

for more passion

for more caress

for more clutches

for more strokes

for more love

like a soul possessed

cried she

eyes closed

staring up

at heaven

with her

swift whispers

and

occasional cries

for more

more

more

// the retro specimen (27 June 2022)

[theretrospecimen]

in the million things that i am thinking every day

grief about my inability to grieve is the strongest of all.

[theretrospecimen]

grief. 

how powerful grief is!

like a wave, begins with a shush

gentle shush, shush, shush,

getting violent, bigger, and stronger

powerful

coming at you

in the speed of a thunder

foamy

violent

fierce

s a d s a d s a d s a d

shush shush shush

at you

your grief

your o w n grief

filled with the memories

that you refused to remember

the people

that you refused to love

the moments

that you refused to take it all in

grief

you grief

coming at you

violent, bigger and stronger

shush shush shush

at you

your grief.

// the retro specimen (25 May 2022)

[theretrospecimen]

  — The Moon and the Yew Tree, Sylvia Plath

[text ID: How I would like to believe in tenderness]

[theretrospecimen]

as the tides are running high and hard, there i was, by the shore, longing, looking - for the lost soul that lurks deep down the horizon. waiting.

[theretrospecimen]

“Therefore, the places in which we have experienced day dreaming reconstitute themselves in a new daydream, and it is because our memories of former dwelling-places are relived as day-dreams these dwelling-places of the past remain in us for all the time.”

— Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space

[theretrospecimen]

“To imagine living in a seashell, to live withdrawn into one’s shell, is too accept solitude – and to embrace, even momentarily, the whole concept and tradition of miniature, of shrinking enough to be contained in something as tiny as a seashell, a dollhouse, an enchanted cottage.”

— Gaston Bachelard, from The Poetics of Space.

[theretrospecimen]

"A house that has been experienced is not an inert box. Inhabited space transcends geometrical space."

― Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space

[theretrospecimen]

the tempest has been moderate today.

[theretrospecimen]

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.”

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

[theretrospecimen]

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) 

[theretrospecimen]

a normal day. skimmed through existence. the nightmares are there. still taking me some time to get in terms with it. hope my night goes fine.

[theretrospecimen]

“If I come back, it will be a place, but it won’t be home any longer.”

— Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

[theretrospecimen]

"Eat. You'll feel better"

- Remus Lupin.

[theretrospecimen]

my body feels like crap.

[theretrospecimen]

quite early one morning

quite early one morning

as he set his kettle onto the fire

there was a glimmer of sunshine

seeping in through the windows

onto his bare cracked chest

there was warmth

there was hope

there was life

right there - on him

welcoming itself

like a burgler with sunflowers.

- the retro specimen (20 Aug '21)