therulerofallpotatos

[therulerofallpotatos]

The newest chapter of Heir Apparent!

Immediately upon Apparating himself and Harry into their parlour, Voldemort was accosted by Flopsy.

She was holding a carving knife more than three-quarters her size. An unwashed carving knife. Strands of meat still clung to it, gelatinous and pink.

“Master Lord Voldemort,” she greeted with a smile that was more of a grimace, though it grew considerably fonder when directed at Harry. “Master Harry.” She approached him with an expression of swiftly growing concern.

Harry lifted a woozy hand, grinning lopsidedly. “’Sup, Flo?”

Flopsy’s face darkened like a tiny thundercloud. She scowled accusingly at Voldemort. “You drugged him.”

“I. What? No.” Then Voldemort realised how absurd it was to be defending himself to a miniature enslaved creature whose wrinkly pate only just reached his knee. “Your precious golden boy merely got himself inebriated with a teenage girl who should have known better. As should he.”

Harry nodded amiably. “He’s right, she gave me these mermaids. On bottles. Mermaid bottles. Very nice. Very… blue.” Harry gesticulated as if he could physically describe a shade of blue, nearly smacking Voldemort’s nose in the process.

“Master Lord Voldemort let Master Harry get drunk on mermaid wine?” Flopsy thunked the tip of the blade into the wooden floorboards below, leaving a dent. “This is not what responsible parents be doing.”

Why on earth was Voldemort letting this pustulant little critter judge his parenting? “I hardly let him—”

“He was busy with something suh—hic—super important, don’t be mad, Flopsy.” Harry reached down to pat Flopsy’s shoulder cheerfully, almost missing it. “I’m safe! The big bad wolf didn’t even take a bite, damn him.” Harry half-snickered, half-hiccuped. “I mean, I was wearing red and everything…”

Voldemort frowned. Harry wasn’t wearing red. What was he on about? And what wolf?

[READ THE REST HERE]

(And yes, this is the chapter in which Voldemort finally realises he's horny for his "son". Er. Congratulations, my lord?)

[therulerofallpotatos]

a lot of media assumes robots would be immortal but i think its a lot more interesting to explore robots dealing with their parts wearing down and battery life shortening and all the horrible little failings that come with being a complicated machine. sure they can replace parts but you'd assume you cant completely ship of theseus them, or it'd have pretty big rammifications on their sense of identity. idk. give me robots with distinct, unique signs of aging. as a treat.

[therulerofallpotatos]

chicken pox is homophobic if it keeps me from running the pride booth this year

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oh it’s genuinely so scary how eating disorders are being glamorized and normalized again. and like by the Cool Crowd too like it’s cool to be bone thin and take appetite suppressants and eat less than 1500 calories a day and go to the gym every single day and have intense anxiety about eating full fat ranch or whatever. and it’s all on Instagram being posted by some white girl wearing Ed hardy sweatpants with pencil eyebrows and piercings being like “I’m just like if a funny girl who likes music was actually really hot and skinny….”

[therulerofallpotatos]

I love villains that are the reverse of the idea that the absence of love makes you evil. Villains that love to the point of paranoia and obsession. Villains whose love for someone corrupts them. Love being used for awful, evil things. Using love to justify horrific actions. Anything that breaks down the toxic idea that people who don’t feel love are monsters and those who feel love are always pure and heroic and morally right.

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forgetting memories is fucked up but not nearly as fucked up as remembering memories

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"drug-seeking behavior" woah the patient wants u to treat their ailments with medicine ...... thats crazy

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"these researchers published a paper on something that literally any of us could have told you 🙄" ok well my supervisors wont let me write something in my thesis unless I can back it up with a citation so maybe it's a good thing that they're amplifying your voice to the scientific community in a way that prevents people from writing off your experiences as annecdotal evidence

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you want me to get my real estate licence? the very thing that almost got jonathan harker killed???

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Will has no excuse for looking so sexy while having a needle in his arm or a tube down his throat, it's not Hannibal's fault

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rest of Saja: wait, you can do that?

Is it me or did they actually look amazed at Rumi being another demon but fighting against Gwi-Ma

Just me? ok...

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[therulerofallpotatos]

Will making a genie wish, ends up in Hannibal's basement for 2 years, is smug af at the end

"Two years is a long time to have Hannibal Lecter inside your head" ok Will just say you are jealous because Miriam spent so much time with Hannibal

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one of my favorite tropes is when the villain has a pet that really likes the hero, so you can imagine my joy watching this movie

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"there should be some kind of test you have to take before having kids" -> wrong, extremely dangerous and highkey eugenicist and racist "the youth should have safe and effective legal pathways at their disposal to make sure their human rights are constantly protected and upheld" -> based, centers the youth, gives minors more power to fight inequality and does not reinforce the idea that parents are immune to scrutiny from their kids

[therulerofallpotatos]

Half-demonized Rumi is pretty cool

[therulerofallpotatos]