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thesongoffalsity · 20 days ago

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i'll be your savior (aizen x black!gn!reader)

TW: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gore Depiction of corpse(s), Religious Trauma, Alcoholism, Eating Disorder(s)

"that's okay, i'll be the deity you pray to."

your face was filled with that of disgust. you were at a loss for words, but your body language said it all. that startling news, and the way ichimaru let it roll oh so smoothly off the tongue had you grinding your teeth.

"your father was slain by a hollow."

this was impossible, unfathomable. the [last/name] was compromised of formidable, strong-willed soul reapers. your very family takes their honorable title as steel hearted warriors, so much so that any uncapable relative is to be banished or in extreme cases executed. no one was pardoned.

you were drafted in to serve the gotei 13 whether you liked it or not.

"BULLSHIT! show me his body." that god forsaken grin widened on his face, it made your stomach twist into knots.

ichimaru didn't say much and was about to turn on his heel to escort you, but the sudden sound of heavy footsteps had you turning to knock into a hard wall.

or well aizen that is.

"oh? seems like i won't have to." was all the smug bastard said before walking off somewhere else.

it was cherry blossom season in soul society. you hated it. always made your allergies act up. "sit back and smell the daisies" they say while you're drying your lungs out from all the sneezing.

aizen made sure to walk through every path that contained those fuckshit trees. every sneeze that followed an "excuse me" and every rumbling cough followed a "i have something in my throat" produced a curt chuckle from the brunette.

"do you know why some have allergies?"

"no. do you know if tosen's brewing tea for me?" that was a bit sharp edged, but you were dying here and needed some relief. this was the least rudest thing you could say to your superior without being conspirated as an ill-minded soldier.

he suddenly stopped right in front of a rather unhealthy young tree and squatted down to examine a drooping branch.

"i enjoy these trees so much so that cherry blossom season is my favorite. however you on the other hand have a different plight and—" "the goddamn pollen makes my eyes and nose runny as fuck. 'nd i want em all disintegrated from soul society. ya don't have to remind me, captain." a smile forced its way onto your face, or well what looked like some kind of creasing of the lips.

"right. there's a reason for that. just as much there are cherry blossom enjoyers there are those who despise such creation. it's just the balance and equilibrium that exists coming into play." philosophical food for thought...if only you were the type to sit around and actually listen to it.

"where is my father."

oh yeah. that. he turned around and put his hands on either of your shoulders seeming as if to ground you for what he would say.

"[first/name] i want you to deaden your emotions."

the hairs on the back of your neck began to stand up at his words. what the fuck kinda scene was he gonna show you? you've seen fellow soul reapers get turned to minced meat, picked apart piece by piece... what makes him think you'll lose your shit now? now that really in this world the one person who kept you going was gone...

aizen blindfolded you as he seemed to be leading you to the site of your father's death. the ground had changed from the dry dirt path you two had been walking on earlier to a more lush, tall grassy area. that scent...that familiar scent was filling the air.

the smell of death.

you couldn't help the way you instinctfully jerked in his hold.

"are you sure you want to see?" he reaffirmed. it was always hard to understand aizen, and i mean no not that warm open-arms aura he always flaunted around it was...when he meant something...and it meant something else. but right now it was as clear as day.

"let me see my father." you demanded, your throat was straining...closing on itself. were you going to regret this? actually you would hate yourself if you never went to see what the bastard had done to him anyways, you'd might aswell get this over with.

"very well then. i shall start with the debrief as you assess the field."

when your eyes were freed of the white blindfold, your blood ran cold. how could this be described...how could words paint a picture for the decrepit scene before you.

"[last name]. first name, [father/name]. sex, male. marital status, divorcee. residence is that of the western branch."

his hands were ripped from his forearm which was haphazardly resting atop what you thought was his skull, though you came to realize was just part of his frontal bone. and his skin...oh it made you begin to step back in disbelief. how could anything do this.

"[last/name] was reported to have been detoured from his squad's mission to deal with a hollow deemed 'small fry.'"

smallfry...what kind of pipsqueak was capable of shredding your dad into fajita meat! his fucking eyes were squashed out like a bug's. he was laying down against an aging cherry blossom that was bent over and providing shade to the composing corpse. flies were gathering, probably seeing this as some kind of buffet of sorts.

"subordinate thompson robert was said to be the first to find [last/name] at the location of death."

you dropped to your knees. robert? that shitface? back when you were still in the western branch with your mother you knew him to be a lying scoundrel who would never hold his own weight. this was part of the reason why you were moved to the eastern part of soul society to serve with the gotei 13.

"robert?! that shithead was there? how do we know he didn't just let my father die!" you shouted. tears were streaming down your face. this was impossible to believe. some tiny ass weaklink was able to kill a lieutenant.

"because the report was verified by your father's captain, wilson-san."

"LIES! THAT OLD SCUM WAS PLOTTING SOMETHING THE MOMENT I LEFT!"

"[first/name]. breath. remember, your nose is runny."

right...you needed a tissue for the sorry state you were in.

✦✦✦

it had been weeks since your father's memorial service. bottles upon bottles of soju and some imported western liquor like gin and whiskey were scattered around your tiny dormitory. aizen allowed you to go on a break from your duties to recuperate mentally.

ichimaru came by from time to time, sometimes with some hangover drinks or actual food since you never thought of getting actual sustenance. it was all about numbing your brain, letting go, letting that static feeling take hold of you entirely. at one point you somehow got ahold of some psychedelics which were confiscated by tosen the moment you stepped foot insisting that shrooms were directing you to your 'god'.

whatever the hell that meant.

it was brought to aizen's attention when he was told of a mental breakdown you were having one morning after being force-fed breakfast. he left no time for whoever it was to continue their report, and took off to your room. his mind was racing, wondering what the hell could have happened this time.

once he got within earshot, just rounding the corner he heard a garbled shriek. he knew you picked up a bad case of alcohol dependency but he didn't know it was this bad. you were starting to act like a lonely old coot now.

"[first/name]! what is the meaning of this. unhand them, tosen" he waved his hand dismissively as the other seemed to be more than happy to get a break from you.

his brown eyes assessed your body, your skinny, brittle body. he brought his hand down to trace your visible ribs, and then rubbed the bottom of your lip. "my my...someone's gotten a tad too hooked on soju have they?"

you wheezed, relaxing in his hold. even in your drunken stupor he managed to calm you. his hands felt nice and warm cradling you. almost like you weren't just screaming your head off for the empty bottle tosen ripped out of your hands at god speed.

"hah...ain't you the one who let me try that shit the second i was moved into your squad, bitch?" aizen's eyes widened slightly at the sudden memory. well he couldn't foreshadow that he was the brains behind creating an alcoholic monster who just now realized their potential.

"very funny. i was worried about you, you know." he said, his head was raised and looking elsewhere. the glint from his glasses and your blurry vision haltering you from making out his expression.

"now it's my time to laugh."

"i'm not being funny. i'm being serious."

deadass?

"i followed you to your room the night of your father's funeral. you...forgot i was even there even after i asked to stay a while. and then you threw your head on the ground and prayed." he paused for a moment, and you saw his adam's apple bob just a tad. "i don't think you knew you had a gash in your head from doing that. blood was dripping from your head. and all you kept repeating was "please, lord, make his next life peaceful." i don't know who you were talking to, the soul king or this omnipotent man you western folk seem to idolize. your mind was at a bend. and at some points you blamed yourself, that robert man, and even your father himself."

you listened with interest, slightly inclining yourself as went on and on. you were...praying? shit even you didn't remember that. all you remember was waking up the next morning to find yourself with a huge bandage on your forehead and a note that said to check the fridge for some premade food.

"[first/name]." he was finally looking down at you, and you could feel butterflies in your gut.

"do you still cry yourself to sleep after you pray?" you nodded your head, and he in return took your hand in his and squeezed it a little. you couldn't deny that you haven't stopped your nonstop calls to whoever the fuck was in charge. "that's okay. i'll be the deity you pray to."

his lips connected with yours, and in that moment it felt clear and there to you. warm and fuzzy. it was just a quick peck to the lips, but then he came back and it lasted longer than before as if he atfirst knew the implication of this all but damned it all and went back for more.

it was alright however, he was your savior now.

1804 words

author's note: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! i took a long ass break. im so nervous im not showing the character's like TRUE nuances ifykwim like aizen a little snakey boy, and i just feel i didnt capture that well enough but practice makes perfect. my ichigo fans, which i know is the entire fandom of bleach IM HOPING, keep yall eyes out for a small mini series 😌

©thesongoffalsity

#thesongoffalsity #bleach #sosuke aizen #sosuke aizen x reader #aizen x reader #sosuke aizen x black!gn!reader #aizen x black!gn!reader #dark angst #dead dove do not eat #not beta read we die like real gentlepersons

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thesongoffalsity · 3 months ago

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between life and death (erwin x black!gn!reader) TW: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gore

"i just don't understand how its possible for extremes like us to coexist."

playing Lovebird by Malcom Todd

life was hard to decipher. it was impossible to decode. the second you figured out one side of the rubik's cube, you had a whole other side to resolve. and people were the biggest benefactor to this riddle.

they urge you to find a calling. the fuck is a calling? all you feel pointed towards is the inevitable end. not to be emotional about things, but when you’re an orphan; forced to enlist into the military and find yourself with the very being that goes against your morals, erwin smith…

you can’t help but feel a tad bitter about things.

“[...]! good morning, it’s a little past breakfast but that’s okay since i brought you back—” just as the blonde was about to prattle on your hand came flying upward and smacking the metal tray out of his hands.

it was raining porridge.

“go away. i don’t fucking care.” it was a hiss, a bark, something hybrid between the two. his face contorted, confusion? he deals with this everyday, nothing new.

“right. you don’t mix well with porridge…i forgot! it’s fine i got a spare glass of o jay for you!” he chirped. his smile came back…eugh.

“no, erwin, LEAVE.”

erwin’s entire facial expression flipped a script, and suddenly he was giving you that gaze. it was cold…and you hated how well expressed he could be. you hated how you were enraptured by him.

“commander shadis is calling for you.”

you flashed erwin the bird, and a curt smile was returned. god you hated that smug bastard.

☆

it turned out that commander shadis never called for you, and you were free to give erwin a much needed knuckle sandwich. after you gave the cheeky blonde an extensive vulgar lecture on why it’s best to keep his nose out of your ass, the two of you found yourselves wandering from camp.

this was a normal occurrence, even as you both were out on an expedition with the survey corps. the threat of titans never seemed to alarm you, and that in return garnered a lot of looks from your colleagues. however…erwin was not of said colleagues.

sadly.

“[...], how big do you think this world is?” that chirp had you smash your enclosed fist into your adjacent hand. you had been awakened from your nap, and hearing his voice really broke the peace…(or did it?)

“i don’t know a cubic foot?”

“that would not be possible. not even one plant, animal, and human could live within that cramped space.”

“you forgot about bugs, idiot. don’t they like pollinate or some shit?’

“...i think the world is as big as humans make it out to be.” oh god here he goes again.

“well i think only one of my fists could be shoved down your throat before you suffocate.”

erwin’s astute smile fizzled away at your tacky remark. he jeered and in return you pummeled him in the face with your fist. before long you were on top of the statuesque figure of erwin. and at that moment in time life felt…right.

and like the fleeting autumn leaves that flew in the breeze, the peace was seized from both of you.

a titan had appeared. a giant, booming grin sat on its malicious features. that joker face…it made your stomach turn.

you were the first to notice the demon, and luckily erwin had come equipped with his 3d maneuver gear.

unluckily though there was scarcely a forest besides five young trees clustered together remote from your position.

“ERWIN! TO YOUR LEFT!” you cried as you had gotten to your feet and were bolting…bolting opposite of camp. what the hell were your legs doing…you need to turn around!

but you couldn’t. your body wouldn’t comply. it was stuck in motion, and only once…twice…thrice…you looked over your shoulder. ‘was erwin still there? did the titan eat him?’ it was all you could think of.

suddenly you heard the sound of the titan’s footsteps nearing you. fuck, fuck, fuck…you’re so fucked.

“[...], come back to the grove!” it was his voice, he was alive. a tear slipped down your eye, and for a moment you felt your heart flutter.

but now wasn’t the time to get swept up in your feelings, you needed to listen. with that horrid sting in the center of your feet, you bounded forward. your heart was hammering in your ribcage as if it were going to pour out and onto the ground beneath you.

finally you had gotten to erwin’s orientated position, and instinctively you slid the moment he lunged forward with his sword.

you didn’t get to see what had happened, but blood splattered. the familiar human warcry shattered the once serene meadow. the sound of death rang in your ears.

time was moving fast. and before you knew it: hugging. you were in a tight hug with the blonde, and for the faintest second you saw his blue eyes soften. a smile rested on his face, but it was like none you had seen thus far.

“[...]...i was afraid i’d lose you.” you buried your face into his chest, tightening your grip around his waist.

“hah you fucker you know i’ll haunt you in the afterlife too…” erwin chuckled hoarsely at your words. making jokes even at the near brink of death…you were a handful.

he took a breath.

"you know… i just don't understand how it's possible for extremes like us to coexist.”

you grinned, “we just exist, the hell are you always getting all philosophical for?”

erwin gave you a look, at which you reeled back. now wasn’t the time to be a dick…

“no…seriously, it feels like we’re magnets that always pull apart.” he had a point, but you couldn’t put into words why you opposed the poor guy. it just…felt like something you had to do. especially since the line of work you both were in didn’t exactly promise a high mortality.

“...hey. erwin.”

you two were laying on your backs, gazing at the sky once more. erwin was painted a crimson red whilst you were covered in a sheen of sweat.

“yes?”

“i don’t think love fits well with a survey corps officer.”

1029 words

author's note: IM GETTING BACK TO MY 2K WORDS PER FIC GROOVE WOOOO!! it's dilf loving time and toji's next because ohmaygawd how did i FORGET about him?!?!? also i just finished aot and my faves go erwin > levi > hange

#thesongoffalsity #attack on titan #aot x reader #aot x black reader #erwin smith x black!reader #erwin x black reader #dead dove do not eat #dark angst #angst

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