thespoonunderyourbed

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Please listen closely! Jens is announcing 14 Brand New Facts About Jens! (In alphabetical order)

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Being prejudice against people for being lgbtq+ and acting on those prejudices are (is?) immoral. it results in real and measurable harm. Harm to the body, harm to the people's finances and harm to their emotional and mental well being.

Being lgbtq+ harms no one.

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More kneecaps?

Jonathan Crane was mixing a new fear gas formula together in his lab when he heard a voice. "I bet your kneecaps would look great next to the Joker's." Then his minions outside the lab heard him screaming and thought he had sniffed his own stuff again.

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Gotham does a Batman lookalike contest and there's no way the Batkids don't participate along with like, half of Gotham. It is simultaneously their boon and bane

Dick, staring at a Batman suit Tim brought him: What am I supposed to do with that?

Tim, in an identical batsuit: There's a batman lookalike contest in crime alley! We have to participate.

Dick, now staring at the suit in disgust: Wear that? Again? I'd Much Rather Die.

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Jason, in another batsuit, staring in the mirror, close to crashing out: Why do I actually look like him?

Damian, in an identical, smaller batsuit: It is because you are nearly the same height and weight as Father.

Jason, immediately tearing the arms off the suit so it looks like a tank top: There. That's better.

Damian: It is not.

Duke, in an identical suit with gold highlights, now covering Damian's ears: You look like Batbabe the stripper

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Stephanie, in her robin suit, standing beside cass, who's in a batman suit: We'll win easy

Duke: You realize it's a batman lookalike competition, right?

Steph: There is no batman without robin, duh

Dick:... you're the only fucker in this family I respect

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Bruce: This is incredibly irresponsible of all of you. This could give away major clues that we are-

Duke: Don't you wanna look at your kids cosplaying you, without the danger and responsibilities?

Bruce:

Bruce: Carry on

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Cass, holding the 20$ prize money she got from winning third place:

Dick, grudgingly holding the 40$ he got for second place, glaring at Bruce:

Tim: Wait, if even Dick's second, who the hell won first?

Clark, holding 100$ and a 'Batman forreal!' certificate: Hi Guys

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The real thing with ADHD is not "I forgot", but that forgetting is this ongoing process. I remembered! And then I forgot.

At ten this (hypothetical) morning I remembered that I have a meeting at six. And then from 11 through 3 I worked on other stuff and had zero thoughts about that meeting. Maybe even thought about what I was gonna do with my evening at home. Got attached to the idea of taking the time to make a good dinner, maybe play some video games.

And then at three I said, "Oh! Fuck!" and remembered again, hopefully long enough to set an alarm. And then I went to the bathroom and remembered that I need to clean the counter and spent twenty minutes cleaning the bathroom and went to get a snack and then at five I said, "OH! FUCK!" and had to scramble to dress like a real adult and get out the door.

It isn't one clean forgetting. It's a constant process of forgetting and then, with an exhausting adrenaline spike, remembering. And then forgetting. Baby, I can forget the same thing more times in a day than you ever forgot your parents' anniversary.

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HEEELPPP a six year old just came into the nature center and she had SO many questions. it's pouring rain and nobody else is here but her family so non-stop for an hour she had my full attention. by the end of it i had half my field guides open to various insects and mammals and birds and she just kept going.

she became extremely fixated on bigfoot and asked about the ways people try to prove its existence until I was explaining DNA to her, and she asked such thoughtful questions! she said, "what if someone found a skull they thought might be bigfoot, and there was hair left over. could we use DNA from hair to prove it's bigfoot?" but before i could answer, she said, "but if you don't have a living bigfoot that you KNOW is bigfoot, to take hair from, how could you know this hair from this dead bigfoot is really bigfoot hair?" !!!! what an awesome question!!

so this 6 year old and i started discussing control groups in scientific studies and she was so engaged!!

then the bigfoot talk led to discussions of extinction which led to dinosaurs, and she said, "what I don't understand is why people say dinosaurs are extinct, but they also say that dinosaurs became birds. how could they all be extinct if they became something else?"

she asked questions that really challenged me in that figuring out how to answer them on the fly in a way that's digestible wasn't totally straightforward.

a few minutes ago, the adult with her said it was time to go and get ice cream and she said, "can't you see I have 1,000 more questions to ask? i have to just bloooowwww them all out now so you don't have to answer them later."

I saw my younger self in her so much LOL. They said they're coming back tomorrow and I said, "I won't be here, but my colleague knows even more than I do!" And she said, "Well, I hope so. He's gonna need to."

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Do not think for a moment that this admin is only going after trans folks. They are ultimately going after the whole LGBTQ community. They start small, like getting rid of a hotline option, then go BIG.

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This scientist crafts stunning visual art through chemistry.

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I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”

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undead king and a ladybug

Danny: get summoned to France in full royal regalia by a random cult that managed to trip over a real ritual. Danny: gets accused of being an evil undead monster by the locals. Danny: Decides to commit to the bit and just heard this guy in a catsuit call this one girl a princess and remembers he has a castle in the Ghost Zone that is technically his even if he doesn't use it all that often "Close Enough".

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A bunch of comics with Frederick (yes, he likes to chill in bars) 🦇🍷

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headcanon that the bat kids have a shared note on their phones called "shit bruce says that's technically not a lie but is INCREDIBLY misleading"

examples include:

bruce, calmly sipping coffee while covered in bandages: "the mission went fine"

bruce, after disappearing for 3 days: "i was busy with work"

bruce, to a socialite asking about his kids: "they're very well-behaved"

bruce, after alfred finds him testing potentially lethal tech on himself: "the chances of catastrophic failure are statistically insignificant"

and the latest addition, from last tuesday:

tim: "did you seriously tell superman you were 'mildly inconvenienced' when you had THREE BROKEN RIBS?"

bruce, not looking up from his computer: "three broken ribs IS a mild inconvenience"

jason, walking past: "to fucking WHO?"

bruce: "language."

jason: "TO WHOM, then, you absolute psychopath?"

———

damian adds his own entry later that night:

"Father told me today that Grayson was 'somewhat enthusiastic' as Robin. This is the same Grayson who did a quadruple somersault off a skyscraper just to catch a hat that was blowing away from a civilian."

dick, reading over his shoulder: "in my defense, it was a really nice hat."