theviolentblue

[theviolentblue]

i promise i didn't forget about you. here's an excerpt from something i've been working on recently. it's yours now <3

[theviolentblue]

here's a piece I wrote that doesn't really have a title. it's yours now. hope you enjoy it.

[theviolentblue]

[theviolentblue]

'ashes to ashes' - the violent blue

sometimes when I notice the beautiful golden rays cascading off the tall cypress tree along my walking path, I can't help but wonder if it, too, might just turn to ash?

sometimes I want to kill things. not people, not animals, just things. I want to roll like a fireball across the desert and wipe out whatever tries to take cover. I don't want this. but I want to want it more than I've ever wanted to want anything before. I've always wanted to want what everyone else wants, and it seems like recently everyone wants to kill things, so that's what I want and I will stand firmly on that ground for eternity.

sometimes I can't help but over-exaggerate my feelings. when it's increasingly difficult to get even a single stray thought across without excessive intake of caffeine or pills, I guess I tend to take advantage of those times that I achieve levels of acceptable articulation, or at least acceptable enough that I am half-way understood. after all, if people don't understand the motive behind my ideas or thoughts or things I say (like "sometimes I want to kill things"), vitriol is often more likely than curiosity, and I'll probably end up ignored or outcast.

sometimes I victimize myself. this can manifest in various ways. for example, the false belief that I am misunderstood. in some ways, I may be too understood. I have cut my chest open and bled on stage for complete strangers, and after waking up on the linoleum, house lights on, I've asked if the art was good enough for them? did they clap? I act as though I have been forced to do this by the "consumerist, all-entertainment-no-substance, charlatan-led" society that... we live in, but I do it to myself. I'm here again, right now, doing exactly that, just so I might have a chance to repeat the cycle once more. am I a masochist? am I greedy? am I anything?

sometimes I think too much. the best moments in my life are the moments I don't... think, that is.

sometimes I wish I could just be a cypress tree, no desire nor ability to scream and dance and perform to be noticed, and no need to be noticed at all. I wonder if that's how you feel right now. you thought too much, and victimized yourself, and over-exaggerated. or, at least that's what they told you, so you didn't view yourself as a human anymore, just as a thing. and you wanted to kill things. and you did. I'd like to think your body found it's way back into something worth living for. you were my world, and when I watch our earth slowly burn, all I can possibly think about is you.

sometimes I notice you now, dancing between my thoughts like light between the pines of that cypress tree, and I can't help but wonder if it, too, might just turn to ash?

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hey tumblr. this is my first time posting on here so go easy on me. I wanted to share this piece I wrote a few months ago and performed at my university. hopefully you can find some meaning in it, because it's yours now.

follow along here for more pieces like this, or check out my youtube (www.youtube.com/@theviolentbluetube) for some video pieces like this. excited to share more with you soon, including some songs I've been working on.