thewondererwhowanders-blog - Tumblr blog

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I found out today, Life is just as fickle, As death is just as permanent, Both so human.

I felt death’s permanence, Seep into my body, As I watched her die, In my arms.

I have gotten the privilege, Of loving her, And I know that’s the luckiest, I’ll ever be.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

What does it mean to experience heartbreak in your dreams? I dreamt that I was in love with someone who was in love with another. I could not comprehend the feeling in my chest. It is as if to remind me I am still alive in my sleep. I never told her I was in love with her. Neither did she tell me her heart belonged to someone else. Maybe it is to remind me to never regret. Maybe it it's to remind me of my biggest fear.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

The Girl Who I Wrote Way Too Many Poems About

I wonder if life has been treating you well. I know we met last month, but I know you better than that. At least I think I do. I have to remind myself you are a stranger to me now, we’re both no longer two thirteen year olds laughing on the floor in a 7-eleven and telling stories about ourselves. I remembered how our knees used to touch and how your eyes looked when you smile. That was my favourite part of you. How those childlike eyes glimmered when your laughter reached your eyes. I could still feel the fireworks exploding in my chest. Our time together is a distant memory, it is laced with nostalgia and late night poetry. As I sit here writing this to you, about you, for you, I know I do not know you anymore. Your smile is still the same six years later but I do not recognise her anymore. Sometimes I think I never did. I’d like to think the reason I met up with you last month was for some closure but I know our fate never just ends there. It’ll play these twisted games, our hands always out of reach. There will come a day I’ll get news about you picking one of guys, lucky enough to show you their love, and you both would grow old together. I won’t be sad, this is how our fate is meant to be. Maybe one day I’ll believe it was never love, I was merely in love with the idea of you.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I’ll see you when I sleep,

For you are just a dream,

A figment of a person,

Who I once knew.

You appear every once in awhile,

As if to remind me you are there,

Stuck in imaginary world,

Where you and I are together.

Last night I dreamt of you again,

And we talked about first dates,

Ones we would have,

Me with the idea of you.

I imagined the carousel lights on our first date,

The both of us hand in hand,

Watching the lights as we go round,

What a perfect metaphor.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I was up until 2a.m. mentally preparing myself to meet you. When I saw you, my heart did not race neither did I feel butterflies in my stomach. We fell into our comfortable conversation and I was getting to know my old friend again. Even five years after we first met and long after my feelings for you are gone, you still look as beautiful as ever.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

It's 2a.m. here,

And my heart is awake,

Clearly in the wrong time zone.

It hums to another heartbeat,

As if it is stuck in a Frank Sinatra song,

New York, New York,

It sings on repeat.

Behind my eyelids,

All I can see is the city skyline,

Illuminated by it's lights,

As I fall into its rhythm,

Before I fall asleep every night.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

You've told me things,

You never told anyone before,

Where does this leave us now,

Are we something more?

Tell me if you want me,

I'm waiting outside your door,

With my foot stuck inside,

In between friends and lovers.

Or maybe it's just my imagination,

That you feel it too,

Maybe it's just me wanting,

Us to be something more.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

What are the chances of you feeling the same way?

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I like to tell myself you were the first girl I ever loved. In retrospect, I loved you in a time when I did not understand love. I thought it was about the butterflies I felt in my stomach and the erratic heartbeats. I thought it was about writing poems about you and singing love songs while thinking of you. That thirteen-year-old me loved you the only she knew how. You see, I am not her anymore. But to this day, I still write about you.

When you left, you left with her. Though I still think about the way you made her felt. We used to talk for hours on end and I like how easy it was talking to you. I like being there for you even though you left bruises and cuts with your words. You were not perfect and I knew that. I never thought this would go beyond a friendship and I was right. I still think of you whenever I think of love but I know love was never you. You were infatuation.

I now spend my days patiently waiting for love to arrive, not chasing after it like I used to with you. I wait for the day I no longer think of you when I think of love.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I am ready to love, I just know I am.

Longing, Aching, Dreaming, Of you.

I write to you, About you, For you.

I’m already intoxicated, By the person, I have not yet met.

I know I am ready, To feel love, Even when heartbreak comes.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I ask of you, To treat me gently, For my heart has been bruised, And had it’s walls torn down.

It beats in my chest, But there are open wounds, I have yet to fix, Though I can promise you this, I’ll love with my whole heart. Do not treat it, Like it is fragile, Instead teach it how to heal, With yours.

You are not meant to fix it, While it hurts and bleeds, I’ll just ask of you, To love me just the same.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I had to be gentle with myself because no one else was.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

You and I are "What if's", An almost there, But not quite.

We're miles away, But never far apart.

We're strangers, But we've met before.

We keep looking, But never finding.

We've thought about us, But never with each other.

I hope love finds us, Wherever we may be, For our souls, Are meant to be.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

Honestly,  I would want nothing more, Than to lay my head, On your chest, With my arms wrapped around you, In my bed tonight.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

I still dream of her. She’s a reoccurring dream that lingers at the back of my subconscious mind. I blame it on the hopeless romantic in me, wishing she was someone I would fall for. That is the past now and I know it should remain there. But the truth is, the reason I dream of her is to remind my heart of the feeling there once was. An ache for someone to love and to be loved in return.

e.b.

[thewondererwhowanders-blog]

It rained today, I watched the raindrops, As they fell on my palm, Hypnotized by the sounds, Of heavy downpour, And all I could think about was you.

I thought how perfect it was, To dance in the rain, Soaked to our bones, And nothing else would matter, Just us in this weather.

Sunlight peeked, Through the rain clouds, As it rained, I couldn’t help but notice, What a wonderful day, To be thinking of you.

e.b