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This is so true that it almost hurts. Everyday, at least omce, I get this overwhelming urge to cuddle someone, cling to someone, just have someone hold me. But the once person that I would be willing to do this to or allow them to do it to me is thousands of miles apart. But I'm getting all my cuddles when we meet, no ifs or buts. Sorry it's so short tonight... ~Z

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3 Words

And no it isn't always the cliche "I Love You." 3 words, any words really have an impact. Whether it be "I hate you." , "I love you." Or maybe even "I hate myself." Have large impacts on both the speaker and the listeners. I thought about compiling a list of three words and how each react. But I think people might react differently to "Pass the salt." Or bacon. Either one works. Instead, I've composed a little short story for your entertainment going over a reaction to the words "I miss you." I'll use the letters in place of our names like normal for our convenience. Also for my entertainment, I'll give us jobs and such that we don't actually have. Ages are distorted as well. We still retain a long distance relationship too. ~ Z jumped onto her bed, exhausted with work and her annoying co-worker who refused to believe she had anyone special until he met them. She closed her eyes to sleep when she heard her phone go off. She groaned and rolled to look at her phone. Her eyes lit up as she saw the words "My Sexy Senpai" flash across her phone screen. She sat up and rubbed her eyes and unlocked her phone, conveniently her lock was her senpai's birthday, so she would never be able to forget. She sat in her dark room, texting. A multitude of fluffy messages were sent as she got up to eat. The familiar Skype tone went off as she set her phone down. She was 20 and being out of college already felt amazing. She loved living alone. She clicked on the call and turned on her camera. She set her phone up to where Y could see her as she made herself a small meal. "Hey babe, how was work?" Z loved Y's accent. She remembers a conversation they shared a couple years back about if the only reason Z liked her was the accent. Z's face remained red the entire conversation. Y can fluster Z quickly. They talked casually about Z's inability to cook food that wasn't ramen. After Z finished eating she sat on her couch and just talked to her girlfriend. They had been together for 4 years. 4. And Z loved every second of it. The tears, the arguments, the disagreements, the fluff, the jokes, the shouting of inappropriate words at inappropriate times (usually Y is the one yelling them), the talk about meeting. Every word is valuable. Z leaned her head on the back of the couch and sighed. She liked living alone. She rubbed her eyes, still being quite tired, she got up and turned off her living room light and headed to her room to get in bed. She laid down and stared at her phone as they talked. A very sleepy conversation was shared about why she still refused to watch Deadpool even when she had surpassed the American rating. After a moment there was nothing but staticy silence. Z opened her eyes which were closed for a considerable amount of time considering she was dozing off. "Darlin'?" She mumbled tiredly at the screen. "I love you Z." Y whispered softly, hoping that Z heard her. "I love you so much Y." She responded with half lidded eyes. Her voice was groggy but Y knew how much Z meant those words. Several minutes of staticy silence passed and Z had fallen asleep before Y for the first time in a couple years. Y sighed and as she was about the end the call something came to mind. She offered a sad smile at the camera and spoke, "I miss you..." And with that, the call ended. Z wasn't entirely asleep so she had heard the quiet words spoken in the accent she so loved. She woke her self up enough and shifted to plug in her phone which was currently at 17%. She rolled back over in her large bed and curled up. She grabbed a pillow from the empty side of the bed and hugged it in an attempt to comfort herself. "I miss you too..." She whispered as a few silent tears slipped down her cheeks. She fell asleep cuddling the pillow. She hated living alone. ~ Tada~ it's not the best but it get my point across. ~Z

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Double Post?!

Yes. I'm too lazy to write two separate posts. So I'll write two in one. Smart? I know~

Part 1)

Haha, anyway. So do you know what's a nice thing? Being able to share your problems between one another. Even when their problem seems so much bigger and worse then yours. You know what's also great? Understanding each other. Knowing even a fraction of what they feel is enough to sympathize. To know and help. Another point, being able to go from something serious and upsetting to something lighthearted and that can get you laughing. That's what I love about being with Y. Nothing is perfect about us or our relationship but it is so comforting and comfortable to talk to her. I can tell her anything and not be judged. Okay, she judges but as a joke, and I understand that. Sure we have lots of seriousness in our conversations but the moments of laughter and pure bliss are some of the sweetest moments I could hope for.

Part 2)

Confession: I am a needy little person. I have seriously awful separation issues and sometimes it gets out of hand. Y and I both get needy, her more than me at most times. But it's normally because I spend almost every waking moment talking to her. Sure at night she is sleeping and I get a little needy, the same things happen to her. I just keep it to myself because I don't wanna bother her. I cry and get upset when I go for a certain period of time without her. I can't help my yearning for her. It gets out of hand and yet, I don't tell her. Why would I? She needs the rest.

~Z

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Y was too out of it yesterday to post and I was too busy skyping her to post yesterday. We were talking when the two girls I share a room with walked in. One knew what I was doing with my phone propped up to aim the camera to my face. The second had no idea what was going on. The first one just responded with, "She's talking to bae." And I don't know if the second one's Lesbian senses were tingling or something because I never told her I was Lesbian but she knew. That night, second decided to sleep in my bed and cuddle up to my arm and boy was I uncomfortable. What part of "Talking to bae" did she not understand??? (I don't like using the term bae by the way.) So I kept waking up in the middle of the night trying to avoid getting cuddled but to also avoid falling off the bed. I feel like I'm betraying Y's trust even when I didn't do anything wrong. Weird? Yeah. ~Z

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Y fell asleep before she got the chance to post. As much as I look forward to reading her cute little notes, I don't mind taking over her post for the night. (Aren't I a sweet girlfriend?)

Anyway, this picture is quite honestly one of the more accurate, cute little Pinterest posts I have saved. The reason it's so accurate? Because lord knows how much I miss Y. Heck, I even complain when I can't message her back. For goodness sake I CRY when she goes too long without talking to me without a stated reason. Call me needy or an attention whore. But I just want to make sure she is okay at all hours of the day.

Missing her as often as I do might end up disrupting my sleep patterns a bit but as long as she feels comforted by my presence then I am here to stay.

It's a great pain that she is so far away but I smile when I think of meeting her. I smile when I talk to her. I smile when I talk about her. Everything about her just entices me. I feel so immersed in a life that I don't live and don't have a big part in. But one day I hope to have the biggest part in it.

Y is a fated miracle and everything that's happened has shaped her into a beautiful, amazing person that I am so happy to call my Girlfriend. And I miss her so much and every passing second of every minute of every hour of every day that feeling grows. I miss her and I haven't met her, what an odd world we live in...

~Z

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Questions (Part 1?)

“How can you love someone you’ve never met?” -It’s simple really, you don’t care what they look like. You care more about who they are than where they live.Their personality draws you in, it’s up to you two to make it work. To survive past the distance.

“What if they aren’t who they say they are?” -Then I would be heartbroken. But I can honestly say that I believe everything she has ever told me. For God’s sake, she told me to reverse image search every picture she sends me so I know that she is who she is.

 “You aren’t ever going to meet her.” -And you know this how? You’ve never been given the chance to meet her, you don’t know that we won’t meet. And I plan on meeting her, provided she’d like to do the same.

“Is she cheating on you?” -I don’t understand why you would ask that. I know that we are far away but damn, she is so loyal that I don’t think she has the heart to cheat on me.

“I miss you and I have never met you, how does that work Z?” -How? Because your heart misses me, Love. Our hearts have met, we haven’t. They know what they want, that’s why we are drawn to each other. I Love You so much Y~

~Z

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Now, there are those nights where I long to be held by her. I really do. It's a craving to interact with someone I've never touched before, never had the liberty to do the simple things like holding hands, or sitting in the same space. I see her cry but I can't dry her tears, she smiles and I can't see that sparkle in her eye because my phone has poor resolution... "If I could be with you tonight I would sing you to sleep, never let them take the light behind your eyes" I miss you and I have never met you, how does that work Z? ~Y

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Comfort and Schemes

You know your relationship is so perfect when you can go from crying and hyperventilating to laughing and scheming with them. It's the best feeling to let them see you so vulnerable and breakable but they stay to comfort you and see you smile. Sometimes I wonder why I was so blessed to have Y. ~Z

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There is no reason to put U and I together when Y and Z already are

Casual conversations ~Y

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Quick doodle in my Chem class. 

Honestly, I’d rather think about her than Energy~

~Z