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[thursday-knight]

drabble challenge, #1.

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

a million billion years later, but here it is.

cw some internalized transphobia

***

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Stan looks down at the skirt. It’s pastel purple with pleats and makes Stan’s legs look amazing–both Bill and Mike agree–but still Stan hesitates.

Stan has worn it around the apartment and in front of their friends, but they just aren’t sure they are ready for the rest of the world to see them, even though Stan knows they look cute, and the skirt is so hella fucking comfortable.

Sighing, Stan picks it up to put back on the hanger when their boyfriends, Bill and Mike, come in arguing about something stupid.

Mike gasps. “Is today the day?”

Blushing, Stan freezes. They’d been talking about how maybe someday they would wear a skirt outside of the house.

Someday had yet to come.

Stan opens their mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

“N-No puh-ressure, of course,” Bill says gently. He comes over and kisses Stan’s cheek.

Neither Bill or Mike are prepared for Stan to burst into tears, but as soon as they do, Bill holds out his hand in a silent question. When Stan takes it, Mike rushes over to join them in a hug. Sometimes when Stan is upset they want space, but not today.

Dropping the skirt, Stan clings to them like Stan’s drowning and they are the only things that can save them.

“It’s ok, Stan. You don’t have to wear the skirt. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put so much pressure on you,” Mike babbles.

“It’s oh- okay, St- Stanny,” Bill whispers into their hair. Stan nods miserably. They sit down on the bed and Stan leans into their boyfriends while they comfort Stan.

When Stan finally calms down, they lean into Mike’s arms as they hold Bill’s hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m being stupid,” Stan mumbles.

Kissing their hair, Mike says, “No, love. You’re not.”

“You w-anna t-talk about it?” Bill asks.

Shrugging, Stan says, “I’m just–” They take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m just scared someone’s going to laugh.”

Bill squeezes their hand. “I-If they do, I’ll k-kick their asses.”

Sighing, Stan says, “Remind me when the last time you won a fight was.” They all laugh as Bill flips off Stan.

“Hey, n-now, j-jerkface,” Bill teases and squeezes Stan’s hand.

Giving him a sheepish smile, Stan just shrugs. “Just calling it like I see it.” Stan takes another deep breath. “I know- I know, it’s stupid, but I just feel like such a- a fraud. Like, I’m proud of being nonbinary, but this…” They swallow hard. “I don’t know, I just feel like it’s- I feel more exposed, more vulnerable, you know?”

“I th-think you’re p-putting too much p-pressure on yourself, Stan,” Bill says as he leans over to pick up the skirt.

“You don’t have to wear the skirt to prove anything,” Mike says. “You are nonbinary no matter what you wear or don’t wear.”

“I know...” Stan says, because they do know. “Soon. I’ll wear it soon.” They take the skirt and put it on the hanger but don’t move to put it away.

“So, M-Mike and I have b-been t-talking, an-and we were wondering if m-aybe you m-ight–if we wore skirts t-too–you m-might feel more comfortable,” Bill says.

Choking a little, Stan looks between them. “Guys, you don’t have to do that.”

“We know we don’t have to, we want to,” Mike says.

Stan can’t believe what they are hearing and they burst into tears again. Mike kisses their hair.

“It’s ok, love, it’s ok,” Mike whispers.

“You two are the best!” Stan kisses them both.

“D-Do you think that w-ill help?” Bill asks brightly.

“Maybe,” Stan murmurs. “Yes. Probably.” They all laugh, and Stan takes a deep breath. “Thank you. Both of you. I seriously do not know what I would do without you.”

“We love you, Stan,” Mike says.

Nodding, Bill leans over and kisses their cheek. “So much.”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Stan nods. “I know. I love you both, too. So much.”

They sit there talking quietly for a few more minutes and then eventually they get up and finish getting dressed.

***

Over the next couple of weeks, they talk about it a lot, about when they should do it, what types of skirts they should wear, and the more they talk about it, the more excited Stan starts to get.

They all agree to do it on a Saturday afternoon, make a date of it. They'd go see a movie and get some food at their favorite restaurant. Stan is excited and nervous as they all get dressed. Their heart beats a little faster when Bill and Mike pull on their skirts. Stan hasn’t seen either of them in their skirts; Mike had wanted to keep it a surprise.

Mike’s skirt is a cute little flowy thing with flowers on it. It looks so soft, and all Stan wants to do is run their fingers over it.

But then Bill steps out of the bathroom and Stan’s jaw drops. Bill is wearing one of the shortest skirts Stan has ever seen. Bill is all leg, and Stan’s mouth begins to water as they take in the sight.

“Hey, Stanny. Close your mouth. You’re drooling,” Mike teases.

Stan closes their mouth and wipes their chin only to find it completely dry. They turn to glare at Mike. “Mean!”

Pulling them into a one armed hug so they can both admire Bill, Mike says, “You love it.”

Still staring at Bill’s ass, Stan whispers, “Yeah.” Mike laughs.

Bill smiles at Stan as he tugs at the skirt. “At th-the store this s-seemed like a g-great idea.”

Closing the space between them, Stan pulls Bill in for a kiss, their hands going down to cup Bill’s ass without thought. When they pull apart they are both breathing hard.

“You look so fucking hot,” Stan breathes. They have to use all of their willpower to not slide their hand up the fort of Bill’s skirt to jerk him off.

Blushing, Bill asks, “It’s n-not t-too short?” He starts to tug again and Stan grabs his wrist to stop him.

Mike comes over to them and runs his hand up Bill’s thigh. “Oh, baby, the skirt is supposed to be this short.” He kisses Bill gently on the corner of his mouth.

“You are a cruel, cruel man,” Stan accuses. They pull themself away knowing if they keep touching Bill, they would never make their movie.

“Why?” Mike asks as he pulls away looking at Stan with false innocence.

“How are we supposed to function when Bill looks like…” Stan’s words fail them as they look back at Bill.

Snorting with laughter, Bill says, “Oh yeah? Th-This is g-going to be f-fun.”

Stan looks at their boyfriends in horror. “You both are menaces and will be the death of me, I swear.”

Mike laughs. “Yeah, but you love us…”

Snorting back laughter, Stan shakes their head. "Yeah… I do love you.” They all laugh.

[thursday-knight]

billy joining debate club because he loves 1. the attention 2. being right, and 3. arguing

ok but why is this ME!? oops.

he’s always telling people how they’re wrong without ever explaining why. just a “you’re wrong. why? cause you are.” kind of thing. until he’s called out on his bullshit by someone on the debate team who uses actual facts to back up his argument during a discussion over a character’s motivations in his english class. billy will simplify not be shown up by a fuckin sophomore in a bowtie okay?

somehow this turns into him attending a debate competition because he wants to see what all the fuss is about and he’s like “I can fuckin do this shit. easy.” after watching two girls debate about the health benefits of vegetarianism.

he attends a club meeting where they have a group debate and the advisor pulls him aside saying “being loud and annoying doesn’t make you right.”

and suddenly he finds himself on the team. finds out he can get extra credit for his english class by participating and now he’s wearing some preppy navy blazer with khakis looking like an absolute tool getting ready to debate the american healthcare systems standing compared to the rest of the world.

and he is ready. he has his argument ready to the t. and then steve fucking harrington has to ruin it by sitting front fucking row. In those tight, tight pants of his.

billy is screwed.

[thursday-knight]

Early mornings where Steve wakes up with his face half-buried in Billy’s neck, breathing in the smell of his skin without any products. Not wanting to get up even as Billy groans and turns off their alarm clock. He wraps his arms around Billy for a moment, kisses his throat.

[thursday-knight]

Steve is a ‘I love you so much’-kisser, a 'I’m so happy to see you’ kisser, a 'everything will be okay’-kisser.

[thursday-knight]

Happy Birthday Dean Winchester🥳

[thursday-knight]

[thursday-knight]

Alright I apologize if this is a little too deep so I'll try to keep it surface level...

Basically I hate myself for being trans; a mixture of what I know to be internalized transphobia and internalized transandrophobia because I don't feel this way about literally anyone else

I can't get access to therapy, and when I "came out" to my mom she was like "well maybe your wrong" and immediately suggested I go on estrogen. I started questioning my gender like 7 years ago and only finally admitted to myself what I knew about myself last year... I don't know where in the transmasc area I fall but somewhere there

I just want to be able to be me, and I have no clue where to start... I've joined online forum groups that are trans positive, I take time to learn about various instances of oppression and the intersectionalism of them involving trans people, I follow lots of trans positive blogs and people who are very happy with themselves... And I feel like a fraud because I can't be happy with myself and I'm so incredibly lost

I'm sorry if this is a bit too heavy of a topic for you or anyone else, but I have absolutely no clue where else to go or who to ask... The internet doesn't provide many articles that aren't for trans feminine people and I only found one comment for a binary trans guy which didn't relate much to my situation

thank you for reading, again I apologize if this is too deep and I understand if you don't answer and by no means are you obligated to do so

It can be easy to feel like the positivity folks put out is because they lack any doubt or struggles with negativity, and that can feel really stifling and invalidating for a lot of folks. But sometimes it helps to remember that it’s not emerging from a vaccuum; that positivity exists as a counter to the negativity, the doubt, the struggles, and hurt, and the isolation folks feel.

It’s a way of asserting that we don’t have to feel that way, and we can find joy, and there’s hope and community and brighter days ahead. It’s strength in the face of adversity, because sometimes we need that in order to survive.

It’s okay if that’s not what you need to see and hear right now, too. Maybe you’re just not at that place in your journey, maybe you need space to hurt and talk about hurting first.

It can be hard to track down resources, but it sounds like you’ve been making some headway in learning where to look. I don’t know what’ll help you for sure, but I’ll toss out what’s helped me:

Reading Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinburg

Reading Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinburg

Being a part of a transmasc Discord server

Joining a transmasc mentor Facebook group- and actually reaching out to talk to a mentor! (Note: the organization uses outdated language, but the group is actively nonbinary-inclusive)

In general- following a lot of trans blogs, forming connections with other trans folks, and posting & talking about trans things!

It can take a lot of time to process and come to terms with it all, and that process can be difficult a lot of the time, but things are gonna get better eventually. I’m glad you’re reaching out to others & trying to get yourself to a better place.

[thursday-knight]

[thursday-knight]

Like this isn’t anything new but it’s a message that has to be repeated

[thursday-knight]

[thursday-knight]

Mitski // picture by Eric Chakeen

[thursday-knight]

[thursday-knight]

Pssst

Hey, are you an artist or writer with WIPs?

Come here... I got a secret for you pssst come ‘ere

[thursday-knight]

Hey guys so I'm at a sleepover and I'm an early bird so I photoshopped Dolly Parton holding the Holy Moonlight Sword to pass some time

[thursday-knight]

Someone posted this on twitter

[thursday-knight]

Oxford University was going to open source its vaccine, then the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation stepped in and convinced them to sell exclusive rights to AstraZeneca. Now AstraZeneca is failing to deliver and poor countries are struggling to access vaccines.