tiredopossum - Tumblr blog

[tiredopossum]

LGBT+ Galaxy Headers

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[tiredopossum]

it’s just me and my hairy transgender legs against the world

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🙌 BE VERY TRANS 🙌

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Hi y'all! I haven't really seen any posts about this BUT! There are good news for all german trans and nb people bc the Bundestag finally decided on the draft for the Selbstbestimmungsgesetz! And it's probably coming in November 2024.

For everyone who's not german or generally hasn't heard of it, the Selbstbestimmungsgesetz (self-determination law) is a law that is supposed to replace the old "Transsexuellengesetz" (transsexual-law) from the 80's, which is as terrible and outdated as it sounds.

With the Selbstbestimmungsgesetz, it's possible to change name and gender on your passport and other official documents a lot easier, by going to the office and stating what your agab and your deadname are and what you rather want to have on your passport. People between 14 and 18 need parental approval or the approval of the family court and children under 14 need their parents to do it for them. Which is not optimal (in my eyes) but still a lot.

There are still some things planned for this law that are not as great, like how you have to wait three months before the change is legally recognized, how there is a one-year ban on changing it after that and how trans people are still getting discriminated against in sports- all of those are things that I think still need to be changed. But it's definitely a big step forward from the old law!

Here's a source from the german government with more details about this law (in german though, sorry)

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Now, more than ever, we stand. We are trans folks, we support trans folks, we remember our history and the people who fought before us. No one will ever stop us from telling our stories and living our lives.

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Trans agenda? But I don't have a genda!

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It's a daily struggle

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I remember when same sex marriage was legized in my state (3 years before obergefel vs Hodges which legalized it nationwide). It won by a very narrow margin.

People who had taken care of me when I was young, people who were like second parents to me, (along with half the other people I knew) were saying it was the end times because I could now get married. And I couldn't help but wonder... would those people have protected me, cared for me, let me play with their children, if they had known I would grow up to be queer?

I came out in 2011. I was lucky. My parents were accepting. My mom was clearly uncomfortable at first but she made it clear she loved me no matter what.

Except.

My dad didn't care if I was queer and assured me that didn't mean there was anything wrong with me (in a speech I didn't need to hear but I think he needed to say). But he still said "that's gay" and "that's faggy" anytime my little brother showed vulnerability.

And I was a lucky one. My father used homophobic slurs around me regularly. He turned the word gay into a slur with his homophobic mouth. And I was a lucky one.

When I came out publicly, my grandmother stopped speaking to me for a while. I'm lucky that she changed her mind. I'm lucky that my grandparents let me bring my girlfriend with me when I went to visit them in October. October of 2022 and I still consider myself lucky that my grandparents let my queer partner into their house. My other grandma likewise visited with us, and was polite and friendly, but she still refused to call my gf anything other than "your friend." Still lucky. Incredibly lucky.

People don't understand just how bad things were as much as ten years ago. When I came out at school, I was lucky. No one bullied me. No one shoved me into lockers or called me slurs. They all just stopped talking to me. I became invisible. I went to a small school. I was the only person who was out. Exactly one person talked to me the rest of the year. And I was a lucky one.

When I was in middle and highschool, the go to insult was "that's gay." I heard it constantly. Every day. Sometimes people said it to me to insult me, long before I even knew I was queer.

I was lucky because the worst that happened to me was social isolation and people using slurs around me or turning my identity into a slur. No one called ME faggy. No one beat me up behind the school bleachers. I was incredibly lucky.

I have experienced the word "gay" used as a slur far more than I ever heard the word "queer" used as a slur. Young "queer is a slur and only a slur" people need to know the world you live in is not the world the rest of us live in. Why is "queer" a slur but "gay" isn't? My homophobic father thought the word "gay" conveyed just as much offense and disgust as the word "faggot." So why is queer the horrible word that can never be reclaimed but people say "that's gay" as a compliment now? The loneliest I have ever felt was in a room full of teenagers who thought my identity was the height of insults. So why is gay fine but queer isn't?

I am a fat butch queer and I do not hide that. My shoes have a pride flag on them. I have a masculine haircut and wear men's clothes. I look queer.

And I am afraid. I dress like this anyway, because I want other queer folks to know I am a safe person. I dress how I do partially because I like it but also partially so any queer person in the room, no matter now closeted, can see me and feel a little bit safer. Because I will protect other queer people with my life if need be.

Because I am openly and visibly queer and live in a world where being queer can get you killed. Because it can. Gay bashings still happen. The alt right are getting bolder in their violence, and that includes homophobic/transphobic violence. There are organizations in the US that are actively pushing to make homosexuality punishable by death in Africa. They know they could never accomplish that here. But they would if they could. People want us dead.

Young people need to understand that. And they need to understand that the people who did the most work to free us from criminalization were queer. They identified as queer. And they weren't the perfect law abiding queers toeing the line of what's acceptible. Because being queer itself was illegal. You could end up on the sex offender registry for being gay. In fact, there are queer people who are STILL registered as sex offenders just because they were queer in 2001. Pride wasn't a permitted parade with wells Fargo floats. It was angry queers illegally marching down the streets, screaming "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it."

Being openly queer is a radical act. It is still a radical act.

I did not live through Windsor vs the united states, the referendum 74 debate, my father punishing my brother for being human with homophobic slurs, and the pearl clutching fearmongering about "the gay agenda" (that was a go to phrase for 2012 homophobes) for some LGBT kid to come at me with TERF bullshit they got off tiktok about how my identity is a slur and I'm a horrible person for using it.

I was a lucky one and I'm still saying "no, absolutely not" to this bullshit.

Queer is more inclusive. Queer accounts for any possible fluidity because people change. Identities change. Queer is there for people who know they're Something Different but are not sure of the details yet. Queer is intentionally vague. When you're young you want everyone to know exactly who you are but as you get older you realize actually my identity is none of your business. In fact, sometimes when you tell someone your identity, you're handing them a bludgeon for them to hurt you with.

If you have trans classmates, you do not understand the world the rest of us grew up in. Trans people were not a public topic. They were not even acknowledged as existing by most people. I didn't know what being trans was until I was like 17. I'm nonbinary now and consider myself trans 10 years later.

And I didn't even have it that bad. But you know what? It still sucked and it was still hard and I can't imagine what it was like to grow up a decade before I did. I had it easy compared to most people.

If you can jokingly say "that's gay" when someone expresses queer love, then you can fucking handle people using the word queer as their identity.

The infighting and policing each other has to stop. You're oppressing queer people with this bullshit. It does not matter what words queer people use to describe themselves when there are people actively killing us. What are you doing? For fucks sake look at the bigger picture. Direct all that rage at our oppressors and the people who mean us harm. Queer people and he/him lesbians and bi lesbians and people who use neo pronouns and whoever else is the discourse of the day do not deserve this kind of treatment. Punch a homophobe and maybe you'll feel better.

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I need people obsessed with discourse and identity politics to understand that bigots don't ask for your label before they discriminate against you.

They don't say, "Oh hey woman holding hands with another woman, you're actually bisexual? My bad! I was going to call you a dyke but now that I know your actually bisexual I won't treat you badly."

They don't say, "Oh you're a cisgender woman who's a butch lesbian? I thought you were a transwoman and was going to call the cops, but I won't do that now that you've verified your identity."

They don't say, "Oh you're a transman? I was going to catcall and harass you but now that I know you're a man I'll respect you and leave you alone."

Like arguing and belittling and shitting on each other because some tumblr post or tweet convinced you your own community is the enemy....it does not matter to them. They will harass us all, beat us all, call the cops on us all, it does not fucking matter what our labels are. We're all suffering and we'll continue to suffer the more we let them divide us.

[tiredopossum]

by Gerard Donelan

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I joked a few minutes ago about how in internet discourse anyone over 25 is a “queer elder” but come to think of it most of these young discoursers don’t even believe such a concept exists. Gay men who watched their entire friends groups perish to AIDS are “privileged cis gays,” older trans women who use dated terminology to describe their own experiences are problematic, elders are just a conservative old guard to rebel against, and anyone over thirty who speaks to you at all must be a predator. The first time I heard the phrase “okay groomer” online, it wasn’t coming from self identified conservatives but from tiktok teens reacting against leather at Pride. You guys are ignorant and uncultured and proud of it!

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If your parents are like “I’m fine with gay people unless my child is gay” just know that I am sending a psychic attack at them

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Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

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“In the 70s it was black and minority ethnic people, in the 80s it was gay people, trans people are just the latest to get it in the neck from comedians who can’t be bothered to try at their jobs anymore. I cannot stand there and watch another dogshit comedian go: ‘Ooohh if a woman can identify as a man, maybe I’ll identify as a chair!’ Why don’t you identify as good comedians, you hack motherfuckers?!”

- Nish Kumar: “It’s In Your Nature To Destroy Yourselves pt.2”

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That's right. I am once again asking you to shut the fuck up.

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When my best friend first used my chosen name for me. I was super nervous about coming out, but when I told her that I'd prefer Kai, she said "Okay, Kai." It was awesome.

She always makes sure to use my right name and pronouns, and it makes me so so happy. It almost makes me think that cis people are missing out!

i am so tired of queer experiences being reduced to oppression, mental health issues, isolation, and bad things in general. I want yall to flood my inbox with stories where you had a queer experience and it was good. 

you and your girlfriend’s first date, your first major haircut, the first time you made another gay friend, when a family member was accepting, when you first realized you were queer, i don’t care. i want to hear about happy experiences from queer people or from straight people about a time they saw their queer friend being happy or accepted or something. we’re spreading positivity this month, bitches! reblog this so others can see if you feel like it and send me a sentence or two!

(if you don’t want to be called queer/it to be tagged queer since you don’t identify w/t the term, please let me know in the ask)