to-be-enchanted - Tumblr blog

to-be-enchanted · 3 months

Text

sometimes i feel like there’s a rusty knife in my gut but that may just be life yknow

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 3 months

Text

i have to think this out for a second. when I dyed my hair and told my mom, one of the things she said was 'i'm just hurt you didn't trust me enough to tell me or ask me.' and like. for one, my mom always has some guilt tripping thing about how shes some horrible mom and I have to reassure her she isn't or whatever. and two, it wasn't that I didn't trust her? really? idk maybe if she had ever called me by my actual name Once id be more trusting. but I think me dying my hair without telling her was more of a defying act for me. i wanted to do it for me. i don't even know what i'm trying to say i'm still trying to sort it out.

#elle’s vents #07/11/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 3 months

Text

sometimes i think about killing myself just to see how people would react. would my mom go to my funeral like my mom said i would. would i get buried in a casket or in a tree pod like i want. would my friends show up. what would my cousins think. would anyone call me my name or just call me that name. would anyone care at all. what would they do with my room. would my friends online ever find out

#i never seriously consider it #but. i just think about it #but the amount of ppl i would wanna text a goodbye to + the fact i’d be buried under my birth name stop the thoughts quick #elle’s vents #07/04/24 #happy fucking fourth

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 6 months

Text

if i killed myself would anyone care

#what’s the phrase fucking #‘if a tree falls and no one was around to hear it did it ever even fall?’#i’ve always thought that phrase was stupid but maybe something about it was right #i just want someone to want me #just. as a friend #elle’s vents #03/23/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 7 months

Text

sometimes i’m like my childhood isn’t too bad then i got a persistent fear of arguments and yelling and mad ppl and i’m like oh

#this could all be so much worse though #it could be so much worse and i’m just complaining while sitting in a room with so much expensive shit in jt #elle’s vents #03/11/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 7 months

Text

i love being a girl i love being trans i love being gay i love being destined for violence and assault and rape and abuse /s

#elle’s vents #03/9/24 #god. will i ever be safe is the question #everywhere i go every guy i talk to . they don’t care. they don’t fucking . get it #rape joke rape joke AO MANY FUCKING RAPE JOKES. IM TERRIFIED. FOR YEARS IVE BEEN FUCKING PREPARING MYSELF #BECAUSE I NEVER FEEL SAFE #🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕💥#tw sa

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 8 months

Text

when i was 14 i didn’t know how i was gonna survive being 15 and now i’m turning 16 and i’m not rlly sure what to do. bc it never processed that i would live to be 16

#elle’s journal #elle’s vents #01/27/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 9 months

Text

THE WORLD IS ENDING by judas h.

6K notes · View notes

to-be-enchanted · 9 months

Text

i feel like ive never dreaded a day worse than right now

#i just feel terrified #and sick and miserable #i wanna sleep all day i wanna stop exisiting for the next 24 hours #god. i hate her i hate her i hate her #these past 2 weeks have been miserable. i just want school to start again I want to do something.#elle's vents #01/05/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 9 months

Text

the idea of waking up tomorrow and doing today all over again makes new wanna fall asleep for the next 24 hours

#another day of being ordered around and treated like nothing and like she fuxking owns me #i wanna scream i wanna cry i wanna kil her #she means nothing to me. when she dies i’m not going to her funeral. she’s not going to my wedding #elle’s vents #01/04/24

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 9 months

Text

i don’t think i’m depressed enough to have depression but i’m too depressed to be normal

#maybe i’m just trying to cling to a label for protection. maybe the description i’m rlly looking for is ‘i’m human’#elle’s journal #12/28/23

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 9 months

Text

someday i wont be 15 anymore ill be in my bed with the sunlight in my face and there will be no screams or yells to wake me up and my girlfriend will be next to me and waffle batter will be waiting for me in the kitchen and someday i wont flinch at yelling and arguments anymore

#elle’s journal #12/27/23 #i was just thinking. someday ill be ok. someday ill move out and live in my own apartment in the city and ill be healing #someday ill be healing. ill be better #a few days ago my parents were arguing over something small #and i kinda yelled 'you guys are annoying' because thats my. kinda passive way of going 'i dont like u guys yelling please stop please'#because yelling and arguements. scare me #and my mom was like 'some areguements are just small and natrual and no one is angry'#and im just like. but. but thats what yelling means #thats angry. it was arguing it was scary i dont like it #you guys argue and scream and then everythings bad #it just freaked me out.

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 10 months

Text

one of the worst fucking feelings over ever had is when i told my mom i want to go by blue and she said ‘i cried when you told me that. i couldn’t help but feel grief and loss’

#what the fuck. she wrote out a whole paragraph read over it and decided that was okay to send to her child #that’s literally the most painful thing iver been told. fucking hell #ur allowed to feel however you feel. but you don’t tell that to ur child u fucking dint #elle’s vents #12/16/23

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 10 months

Text

evil neas

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 10 months

Text

finally started my period and to celebrate starting bawling

#the crying was for different reasons #elle’s journal #12/06/23

0 notes

to-be-enchanted · 10 months