torrrrrra

[torrrrrra]

Detective Comics cover art by Evan Cagle

[torrrrrra]

Ok Dick biting Hal as a kid has got to be one of my favorite headcanons of all time. Like atp it IS canon to me. But now I’m imagining Dick biting all the members of the JL at least once because they’ve done something that’s either pissed him off, or pissed Bruce off. Hal is obviously bitten first and everyone thinks he’s exaggerating or being a big baby about how much it hurts. Then Clark gets bitten because Bruce got hurt on a JL mission where Clark was supposed to be watching his back. And to be fair, Dick growled at him before he bit, which was far more warning than Hal had received. When Dick sinks his teeth - some of which are still baby teeth - into Clark’s meaty, Kryptonian arm, it shouldn’t hurt. But somehow Clark is tearing up as he lets out a pained howl. It takes both Aquaman and the Flash to remove Dick. Clark doesn’t use that arm for two days, wincing every time he jostles it. How and why Dick bites the others is up for interpretation. Eventually, once all of them have been bitten, they call a meeting about it. Not to get him to stop or anything, just to figure out why it hurts so fucking much. They’re all throwing out various theories when someone says “No seriously, what hell does that kid put into his bites?” when Dick emerges from the shadows and says, deadpan, “Vengeance.” before cackling evilly and disappearing. They all shudder before deciding to never piss him off or talk about his biting ever again.

Also now I’m kind of imagining Dick and Slade fighting for the first time when Dick is just a little gremlin and Slade is like “pffft as if this fourth grader could beat me” only to panic when said fourth grader sinks his teeth into him so hard that he still has the scar years later.

I'm imagining Bruce seeing how Dick's go-to attack is to bite people, and he immediately makes a specialized mouth guard for him. It perfectly molds to his teeth, but it's extra sharp and leaves a different imprint than Dick's actual bite. Mostly so no one can compare dental records or anything to the scars that Dick will no doubt leave on many, many people. It has to be updated regularly when Dick is still young because of him losing his baby teeth.

The first time Dick bites Superman is because he brought Batman back to the Batcave in terrible shape. They'd been on a mission together, it was supposed to be quick, easy, no big deal. And now Dr. Leslie and Alfred are working on him in the Batcave medbay, and Dick just turns to Superman with tears and rage in his eyes. And he launches himself at him and attacks.

Clark yelps as soon as he realizes ouch, he can feel that! What the hell!

"Dick! Dick, let go!"

"You promised you'd bring him back home safe!" Dick cries, but his words are muffled, his teeth still sinking into Clark's arm. "He got hurt!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Clark says quickly. "But he's going to be fine, Dickie, it's mostly just a broken arm and a concussion!"

Dick is growling and hanging off Clark's arm, until Alfred comes out and announces that Bruce is ready to for visitors. Dick unlatches quickly, then scampers over to Alfred, still sniffling. As soon as he catches sight of Bruce, he starts whining and crying and cuddles next to him on the bed.

Clark never makes fun of Hal for the ankle guards again. Dick really does have crazy sharp teeth. Clark's arm is bruised for days around the puncture marks, and he's left with a scar on his arm in the shape of Dick's mouth.

A few months later, Dick has started hanging out with Garth a lot. They become pals. Very good friends. Best friends, almost.

And Garth hangs out with him one day and looks so glum and down in the dumps and says how Aquaman was mean to him during training, but it's okay, it was Garth's own fault. That doesn't sit well with Dick. No one makes his friends upset and gets away with it.

The next time Dick accompanies Bruce to the Watchtower, Dick locks in on Aquaman and chomps right on his arm. Like eating a fish stick. Aquaman yelps and tries to pry him off, asking him what happened and what's wrong and why the hell is Robin biting him?

"Don't be mean to my friends!" is all Dick says before he stomps off to go back to Batman's side. Before he reaches Batman fully, he turns and locks eyes with Aquaman, making that creepy I've got my eye on you gesture. It sends a shiver down Aquaman's spine.

He bites pretty much every other JL member for various reasons between the ages of 8-11. When they eventually call a meeting for it, Batman just stares at all of them with an unimpressed look.

"Perhaps you should try not upsetting him," Batman tells them, then turns on his heel and leaves. Dick, who'd been hiding under Batman's cape, grins at all of them and sends a taunting little wave before the cape covers him up again.

Dick first encounters Deathstroke at the ripe age of nine. During said encounter, Dick is terrified. Deathstroke is talking about wanting to make Dick his apprentice, how he's going to steal him from right under the Bat's nose, and Dick panics.

And he resorts to biting the exposed skin he sees when Deathstroke tries to nab him by his cape.

He damn near bites Deathstroke's hand clean off at the wrist. It startles Slade so bad that he shouts, throws Dick off to the side, and is distracted just long enough for Dick to run away and get back to the Batmobile.

Dick is panting and a little freaked out as he relays the story to Bruce from the safety of the Batmobile as Bruce drives them home. Bruce reaches over and pats Dick's head, his own heart beating so hard in his chest.

"Good job, chum," Bruce says softly. "Use every weapon you have. Always."

Dick nods his head, wrapping his cape tight around him.

[torrrrrra]

I would love to see Battinson, — Victorian vampire thrown into modern times, Gotham royalty baptised in blood and poor social skills, ‘Count Dracula but make it vogue’, — have a Harvey.

These two dancing around eachother in the vicious loop of ‘wait, you’re flirting with me?’ ‘Have been for a decade, but thanks for noticing’, and ‘kiss your doomed bros good night’ is amazing.

But also? You would never guess they’ve been married for YEARS.

Dent, justice in putrefaction, one foot on the law’s neck, one hand holding fate at gunpoint, somehow bagged Wayne.

Who, questionable adoption habits and eyeliner application aside, is THE prettiest motherfucker in the tri-state.

Seriously. Dick saw someone drive straight into a traffic light when Bruce walked him to school.

He’s seen a lot of weird shit in Gotham.

By far the weirdest was seeing Bruce, current foster father, who once cried because Dick told him ‘good job!’ for not burning eggs, talking his husband out of committing a felony.

Because Dick got an ‘F’ on his essay about birds.

Harvey, tucking a gun in his waistband, mutters angrily, — thought, sometimes Dick believes there’s a third party involved, cause Harvey’s right handed, but he only shoots with his left.

“I would love to see Belinda climb a fucking tree for two hours looking for feathers.”

Bruce, voice like a pianist singing in the rain, arms crossed, patiently cocks his head, eyes dark and doe eyes and eyelashes dagger sharp. “Harv.”

And Harvey? Folds. Immediately. Like a napkin with blood stains on it. It’s actually kind of embarrassing.

[torrrrrra]

Hmmmmmmm Dick and Jason who have whistle code that none of the other bats know because they came up with it one weekend when Jaybin was in New York.

“The guy went that way, but I did get his gun and—” Steph was cut off by a loud one-two whistle coming from a few blocks away. Her brow furrowed but she opened her mouth to continue updating Dick.

But Dick was tensed and he let out a long whistle, sliding from low to high. He cocked his head seemingly waiting for a response.

“Nightwing, what’s—”

“Sh!” He hissed sharply. There was suddenly a response, a high-low-low, and Dick launched himself across the rooftop swinging in the direction of the whistle.

“What the fuck!” Steph yelled after him.

“Jason got stabbed!”

[torrrrrra]

They’re his babies 💖

Continuation of this

[torrrrrra]

the top comic has like half the panels missing (they were ugly) so it doesn't really make sense

[torrrrrra]

‘Jason goes to Gotham and kills the Joker himself’ ‘Jason asks Talia to kill the Joker and she does so as a token of trust and good parentage’ NO Jason won’t stop fucking whining about how Batman won’t kill the Joker and how unfair it is and Ra’s gets so annoyed listening to him that he bumps Joker off himself just to get his daughter’s new pet project to shut the fuck up

Batman has no idea why halfway through a standard Joker special of glitter, guns, and ‘im going to blow up this bank!’ fucking Ra’s Al Ghul himself stormed into the room, looked incredibly annoyed to even be there, snapped the Joker’s neck in one fell swoop, and then stormed back out and disappeared while angrily muttering something about how ‘we better be able to finish this fucking meeting in peace now- swear to fucking GOD that boy is annoying-‘

he’s honestly so baffled at Ra’s appearing in Gotham in the first place that he doesn’t manage to save the Joker, and Ra’s refuses to even acknowledge any attempts at asking why the fuck he decided to do that. it becomes Gotham’s greatest mystery, and Ra’s doesn’t realise until he gets back home that he just made the biggest mistake of his life; teaching Jason that whining about his problems will lead Ra’s to take care of them for him.

[torrrrrra]

I think it'd be really funny if the JLA members were talking about how they jugle parenting and being a hero and whatnot and Bruce enters and they're like 'no way this guy knows anything about this, children are probably terrified of him'

Barry: Oh yeah! Totally get that man, the other day I was looking after my nephew and my sister warned me he was in a gaming phase but I had no idea how long kids these days spend playing videogames

Oliver: My kids like sports better, I think. One time I asked to play mineart with them and they laughed at me

Clark: Jon's always playing that one!

* Enters Bruce in all his goth glory *

Clark: Oh, Hey Batman! Is it time for the meeting yet? We were chatting about our kids :)

Bruce: No. The meeting will be in 23 minutes.

Bruce:

Barry: Anyway... I mean... *clears throat *

Clark: So we can chat some more! It's always good to find things in common. You're welcome to join, Batman. :D

Barry:

Oliver:

Barry: Superman... I'm not sure Batman would have anything to contribute to our conversation

Clark: Why??

Oliver: He's just... He just doesn't seem like the type to like kids, that's all.

Bruce:

Bruce, looking at them with black shadow eyes of someone who never left his teen emo phase: I have five children

Clark:

Barry:

Oliver:

Barry: WHAT

[torrrrrra]

Ok back to regularly scheduled antagonism

[torrrrrra]

Sum

[torrrrrra]

Slade describes himself as an avid bird watcher. By that he means, he puts up hidden cameras to watch people fuck Nightwing. I could see him rigging Dick's apartment and finding the cameras the batfam hid and cue slade and the bats constantly sabotaging each other's cameras. Nightwing knows the whole time of course and finds it amusing how many cameras they go thru

eventually he just goes in front of both cameras and tells them to just come fuck him already and quit being perverts

[torrrrrra]

[torrrrrra]

Sirius, after catching Regulus and James snogging: This is incest!

James: No, it’s not!

Sirius: Yes, it is!

Regulus: We’re not related!

Sirius: And that makes it okay?

Regulus: Well, it makes it not incest!

[torrrrrra]

Look I don’t care how implausible it is, I don’t care how ridiculous it is. Dick is eight years old when he becomes Robin. It’s the funniest fuckin thing and I refuse to ever make him older than eight when he bullies a grown ass Bruce into letting him go out at night with him.

Does Bruce take him on kiddie runs until he’s a little older? Maybe. Does Batman stand menacingly behind a brightly colored little bird to threaten the goons while Robin can’t see him? You know he does.

But Robin is still actually terrifying when he first appears on the scene, because he’s a teeny tiny fluttery little thing that does cartwheels and handstands and makes puns then launches himself full force to kick a man in the nose and then cackles when he bleeds. His laughter makes goons shiver, they hear it bouncing around warehouses and half of them bolt, because they learn very quickly what happens when a feral Robin appears.

The Gotham rogues all immediately have beef with a literal third grader because he took the bats attention away and also because he’s roundhouse kicked them all in the shins at some point and that shit hurt like hell, and then he laughed in their faces while making a pun about their villain name.

Majority of the rogues everywhere hate Nightwing because they all know he used to be the feral child that they all thought Batman should have put on a leash, half of them have been straight up bitten by him before he lost all his baby teeth, and they’re all so bitter about the fact that they’ve been beaten by an actual elementary school student. And now he’s all grown up? He’s fucking terrifying.

[torrrrrra]

Hmm but what if it’s a reverse robins au, where their ages are all reversed, but Bruce still acquires them all in the same order. Like Dick is the youngest, but he’s still adopted first.

How old would Bruce have to be when he adopts Dick then? Let’s say he’s 19/20 when Damian is born, and Damian is maybe 10 years older than Dick, and Dick is 8 when Bruce takes him in. God I hate math fuck. Bruce would be 37/38? Give or take?

Idk but imagine the absolute angst of like a ten/eleven year old Dick feeling like he’s being replaced by a boy who’s older than him, feeling like he must not be good enough, and then Bruce adopts that boy within like 6 months?? While Dick is still just a ward?? I think that would break Dick. I think maybe he’d run away or smth. Even if just for a little while. Maybe he’d already founded the Titans, and so he goes on missions with them or just hangs out with them at their homes or at Titans Tower and barely goes to the manor.

And Jason dies within like a year. Tim joins quickly, and Dick finds another, new older boy who’s there replacing now both him and the big brother he never got to really know.

Idk the between is fuzzy, but I want Damian to be sent to join his father or whatever, and instead he finds the first child his father took in and he realizes Dick is is just totally lost and feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere but Damian can see how much potential he has, and he decides actually he will take this child and raise him instead. Dick is maybe like. Fourteen at the oldest. Bruce rly acquired Jason and Tim within like 2 or 3 years. It was a lot of change for Dick.

Maybe Dick and Bruce have just had another big fight. Maybe Bruce is lost in time and instead of taking care of Dick like he was supposed to, Tim is obsessed with proving that Bruce is still alive. Damian plucks Dick right up and either lives with him somewhere in Gotham and goes out with him as Batman and Robin, or Damian takes him back to the League of Assassins maybe.

Do they deal with Red Hood coming back during all of this? Or maybe Jason is still with the League so if Damian brings Dick there, Dick finally gets to know the brother he admits to being a little afraid of when Bruce first brought him home. Not because he was scary, but because he got along with Bruce so well and he was from Gotham like Bruce and then Bruce made him Robin too and he felt like he was being pushed away or replaced or like he was just disappearing.

Idk I just like the concept of reverse robins but same acquisition order

[torrrrrra]

Rough Night

YES that's Baby Dick. I had an existential crisis when I looked at an eight year old boy and realized HOW MUCH a baby he was.

a b a b y .

[torrrrrra]

i NEED to sit by the SEA and FORGET that i’m ALIVE