transformationalpsychology-blog - Tumblr blog

transformationalpsychology-blog · 7 years

Text

How to Outsmart Your Excuses to Become More Productive

This article originally appears on: http://averyhayden.net/how-to-outsmart-your-excuses-to-become-more-productive/

I open my laptop and tell myself, “Time to write that new rationalization article.” Before I open Word, I notice the Netflix icon on my desktop and I think, “Well, it’s been a long day, I’ve earned a quick break, it’s important to rest.” So… I start the first episode of House of Cards.As the episode nears its end, I say, “Okay, but this is the only episode, after this, I’ll get back to work.” The credits roll, and I tell myself, “Just one more episode.” This pattern repeats itself for a good four hours until eventually I tell myself, “I’ll write the rationalization article tomorrow.”Rationalization

Behold the power of rationalization. Rationalization has two steps:

We feel a negative emotion: stress, resistance, fear, etc…

We Make up a seemingly logical explanation for that negative emotion.

In the above example, I felt stressed about working, so I rationalized that I deserved to take a break by watching some Netflix before getting to work.

We all rationalize. Emotions are the most powerful driver of human behavior, and our emotions often don’t align with our long-term goals. Intellectually, we may want to lose 20 pounds, but emotionally, our brain would much prefer to sit on the couch and eat Cheetos. Intellectually, we may want to be a standup comedian, but emotionally, we’re terrified of risking social humiliation. Intellectually, we may want to start a business, but emotionally, we don’t want to risk failure.

Emotions Trump Logic

The intellectual center of your brain (generally speaking, the neo-cortex), is the part of your brain that sets goals, thinks about the future, and uses a certain degree of logic in its decision making. But that part of your brain isn’t nearly as powerful as the more ancient emotional centers in your brain.

Neurologically, emotions specifically exist to guide your behavior. For example, it isn’t a coincidence that sex feels good, that feeling is your brain’s way to convince you to have as much sex as possible.

Many of our decisions are guided by emotions and make no logical sense. Logically, smoking, quitting the gym, or ordering a 2,000 calorie meal at Taco Bell are all uniformly bad decisions. Yet, they feel good (if for only a moment), so your brain invents rationalizations to make those decisions seem logically sound.

Rationalization can be dangerous because it causes us to lose perspective. When we rationalize we do what feels good in the moment- which often contradicts decisions that will help us progress towards our long-term goals.

Many of our long-term goals are worth pursuing, yet, we will never accomplish them if we buy into our rationalizations every time we experience some emotional resistance.

This creates a conundrum because any worthwhile long-term goal will bring about emotional resistance. If you want to get in better shape, at some point you’re going to feel an emotional desire to quit. If you want to build a business, at some point you’re going to want to give in to your fear of failure and quit.

So, how do we overcome rationalization (well, some of it) so that we can more effectively accomplish our long-term goals?

Awareness is the Key

Awareness is the key to outsmarting rationalizations. Rationalizations are only effective because they seem to make logical sense. If you feel stressed, it makes sense that you might think, “I deserve a cheat meal,” but if you notice that your inner dialogue is just a rationalization, you can choose to act against that rationalization.

As soon as you tell yourself, “Yeah, but today isn’t my cheat day, I just want to eat fast food to cope with my stress,” you can will yourself to overcome the rationalization.

Of course, this is easier said than done. The first step to becoming aware of your rationalizations is to understand that wherever there is emotional resistance, there is rationalization. This means that whenever you feel uncomfortable, stressed, or fearful, you should be skeptical of the voice in your head.

Whenever you feel strong emotions, the intellectual center in your brain is taking a backseat to the emotional center: your long-term goals are no longer being prioritized, and your mind will try to convince you to take the easy way out.

When you notice you are rationalizing, don’t fight against yourself, this will just cause you more distress. Instead, ask yourself questions, challenge your thinking. For example, you might ask:

“Am I rationalizing right now?”

“Am I really too tired to work?”

“Will I regret this decision tomorrow?”

“Is there another way to think about this?”

“Why do I feel so much resistance, should I avoid it, or face it head on?”

When you engage in this kind of self-inquiry, you will sometimes realize that you are in fact falling for an emotional rationalization, and once you are aware of this fact, you will be free to make the decision the rationalization is attempting to prevent you from making.

This isn’t a quick fix, it’s a long-term process. You won’t always catch your rationalizations, and sometimes even when you do, you’ll still listen to them. But, at other times you will outsmart your rationalizations and act in spite of them. Over time, through asking yourself questions like the above, you can limit the power rationalization has over your life, and take more conscious control of your decisions instead of being constantly swayed by the emotions of the moment.

Also, you can join the new Self-improvement Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1091142534353121/ Here, we share and discuss ideas about improving our lives.

#productivity #self-improvement #self-help #self-awareness #rationalization #psychology

0 notes

transformationalpsychology-blog · 8 years

Text

3 Psychological Strategies to Reduce Stress

It Was the Best of Times…

Ironically, in the last few decades, as technology and prosperity has made our lives far more comfortable, rates of stress, anxiety, and depression have steadily risen. 3 out of 4 doctor’s visits are for stress-related ailments and 44% of Americans feel more stressed than they did 5 years ago. Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University analyzed data from 1983, 2006, and 2009, and found stress levels have increased by 10-30% during this time period. This increase is largely due to a mismatch with what is called our environment of evolutionary adaptedness (EEA).

Our EEA is the environment we evolved in; humans appeared during the Pleistocene era which ended 12,000 years ago, and evolved to survive in small groups between 50-150 on the savanna in extremely dangerous conditions. Our EEA was almost entirely unlike the modern world. There isn’t anything intrinsically wrong with the way we live our lives in the modern world, but the mismatch between how we were designed to live and how we actually do causes us a lot of physiological and psychological stress.

Our ancestors had more tight-knit cultures, were very physically active, and weren’t exposed to an onslaught of information from electronic media. We perform our best and feel our best when we meet our evolutionary needs, including time spent bonding with each other and time spent outdoors and physically active.

A striking example of how our lifestyles have change since our days on the savanna exists in our media consumption habits: the Average American spends 10hrs and 39 minutes of their day consuming media (Watching tv, surfing the web, using phone apps, etc.), according to ratings company Nielson. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported Americans spend 23% of their waking time working and 18% watching tv. These activities release addictive neurotransmitters , so much so that “Internet Use Disorder” is being added to the American Psychiatric Association’s DSMM. For a disorder to be added to the DSMM it not only must disrupt daily life, but there must also be neurological evidence to support that claim; screen time creates notable changes in the brain, most importantly, the release of Dopamine. A barrage of influences that our brain wasn’t developed to deal with defines most of our modern lives.

The habits outlined below all have proven stress-reduction benefits, and help your brain realign with its evolutionarily dictated needs that are no longer being met by most Americans.

Meditation:

Benefits:

A recent study at Yale University found that meditation reduces activity in the default mode network (DMN), which is the part of the brain that is active when our minds are wandering from thought to thought. This area of the brain is connected to worrying about the past or the future. Less activity in the DMN is correlated with less stress. Another study found that meditation is as effective as medications in treating depression and anxiety. There are countless verified benefits of meditation within a large body of research, and the general verdict is that it has an incredible impact on the quality of your life.

Implementation:

I recommend downloading a meditation app such as Calm or Headspace, apps are an effective way to learn because they guide you through the process of learning meditation step by step while also helping you make meditation a practice with notifications and progress tracking.

There are a variety of high-quality guided meditations available online as well. The biggest disadvantages to this are that listening to the same script again and again can feel tedious and you do not get the same sense of progress that an app provides.

Don’t overdo it, a lot of people start meditating only to quit after the first few sessions. Meditation can be a somewhat challenging habit to build, I recommend starting with only ten minutes of practice a day, the results are subtle at first, but over time are profound and life changing.

Aerobic exercise:

Benefits:

According to the CDC, only 20% of American adults get their total recommended amount of exercise. A sedentary lifestyle is one of the major causes of chronic disease and deficits in well-being today. Research has found that exercise can be as effective at reducing depression as anti-depressant medications. Exercise releases feel-good chemicals in the brain including endorphins which improve the mood of exercisers throughout the day. The benefits of exercise are indisputable and incredibly powerful.

Implementation:

Start by going on a walk around your neighborhood, and for the final stretch, sprint home. Make the walk short, about 15 minutes. After you are comfortable with this do two sprints, then three, and so on. Sprints are an effective way to get in better shape and to improve your mood.

I recommend this over just going to a gym or an indoor workout because a big part of the benefit is being outdoors, in nature. This doesn’t mean to avoid the gym, but if you go to the gym, try to spend some time outdoor as well.

Avoid sugar:

Benefits:

In the EEA sugar was rare and valuable. Professor Richard Johnson said that our ancestors went through a period of extreme starvation 15 million years ago, he said, “During that time a mutation occurred” that made our ancestors more sensitive to fructose which was stored as fat. This helped our ancestors survive: eat fructose and decrease the likelihood you will starve to death. As a consequence of this mutation we are easily addicted to sugar today. In the modern day, sugar is so common that we have access to far more than we ever would have consumed in the past, and our bodies are not designed to process Big Gulps or pints of ice cream.

Too much blood sugar causes stress. The stress hormone, cortisol, also manages your blood sugar. When blood sugar is spiked from sugar consumption, cortisol gets released to balance the system. This results in an increase in stress. The ideal concentration of glucose to avoid stress is75 to 95. (ng/dl) To stay in this range, avoid eating large portions of sugar in a single sitting.

Implementation:

MyFitnessPal and similar apps track not only your calories but your sugar consumption, these apps will warn you when you are above your recommended sugar intake.

One strategy I have used to successfully reduce sugar intake is to replace sugar with sucralose or stevia. Whenever I craved sugar I would simply use an artificial water sweetener (which can be bought a grocery store for a few dollars) until I kicked the habit.

Conclusion:

None of these habits require a huge time investment, and the returns you get in the form of reduced stress are well worth it. Stress is a universal problem, but the solution isn’t anything mystical, it’s simply fulfilling your body’s evolution-based needs like being outdoors and being active, and clearing your mind of the mental noise that television and Facebook clog your head up with.

If you liked this article, be sure to check out my Youtube channel, Avery Graham Hayden.

You can also check out my book, Reality Hacking on Amazon here:

https://www.amazon.com/Reality-Hacking-Amplify-Confidence-Acquire-ebook/dp/B01N9O24KI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483900115&sr=8-1&keywords=reality+hacking

0 notes

transformationalpsychology-blog · 8 years

Text

Destroying The Illusion of “Being Yourself”

If I asked you what it means to “be yourself”, would you have a good answer? Probably not, “be yourself” is vague advice that leads us to make terrible mistakes; let me show you why.

My Mom Thinks I’m Cool

When I was an awkward 19 year old virgin, I eagerly took note when the “cool guy” would flex his biceps to impress a girl. When he bought, “The Guide to Getting it On,” I’d be on Amazon moments later (although I wouldn’t get much use out of it…), and when I learned he practiced mixed martial arts four hours a day, I signed up for a $90 dollar gym membership I couldn’t afford, shortly thereafter.

He was a charismatic, and although my imitative behavior was eccentric; the natural responses to charisma are admiration, envy, or both. I wanted what he had. I wanted to be animated and carefree (trying to be carefree is a bitch of a paradox). I wanted to be a positive influence on those around me, so I knew I had to change. How could I just “Be myself?”

You Either Have it Or You Don’t?

My mindset seems a little bizarre in our culture obsessed with self-acceptance. Self-acceptance has a lot of merit, but it can also be as misguided as giving your soccer superstar of a kid a 5th place trophy. I openly didn’t accept myself. And although my self-discontent played a major role in my social awkwardness, it also gave me permission to see my personality as malleable and impermanent.

Our culture has developed a romantic view of what personality is. Your personality is seen as almost sacred. It’s been decided that your bad qualities, are what make you, you. If you don’t act socially awkward, shy, and wait until the 7th date to lean in for a kiss, you’re not “being yourself.”

My approach to personal change involved more than a few stumbles, but I did have one correct intuition that made all the difference. I didn’t believe my social awkwardness made me, me. I knew many of my self-defeating personality traits were actually creating a wall blocking genuine self-expression. I knew settling for a 5th place personality trophy wasn’t doing me any favors, and it would be worth it to change. It would be worth it to be able to navigate the muddy waters of becoming more carefree, confident, and charismatic. To do this, it’s important to understand what your personality really is.

You Are a Product

We are the product of two powerful forces, our genetics and our environment. Our genetics set the default level of certain traits like IQ and aggression, our environment pushes the lever in one direction or the other. Your environmental influences include your parents, your peers, your teachers, and the media you have been exposed to. There’s nothing else in the equation, just genetics and environment, nature and nurture.

In your formative years, you weren’t consciously choosing how your environment influenced you. You were a sponge for your parents’ beliefs and your society’s beliefs. Of course, it feels like your thoughts and feelings are “the real you”, but where did the “real you” come from? Humans have an innate desire to feel like they are in control, so it’s perfectly natural that we want to take responsibility for our personality. Objectively though, we are more a product of our external influences than our own conscious will. Deciding to change your personality to match what you value doesn’t make you “fake”, it’s an act of self-discovery.

The Real You

What is really you? Whatever you consciously decide to value. Ask yourself, do you value any of the non-charismatic personality traits you have? Probably not, confidence, charisma, and aliveness are almost universally valued. To not aspire towards those qualities is to accept the parts of your personality that are not aligned with your values, and therefore, is being fake. The process of becoming a man or woman requires that you undo the negative and limiting influences from your childhood and become your own person. If you just accept who you became in reaction to your upbringing, you’re not actually your own person, you’re a product of your environment. Don’t “be yourself” until you know who you really are.

Catch 22

Consciously altering your personality will lead to incongruent behaviors, your unconscious habits and your conscious intention to change cause a dissonance that can come off as false to others. When you think someone is fake, it’s because you can tell they are monitoring their impression. They are trying to project themselves in a certain way, and you can tell. There’s a psychological imperative for this reaction, in our evolutionary past, tens of thousands of years ago, if we couldn’t detect when someone was trying to deceive us, we would put ourselves at a mortal risk. We can unconsciously read micro-expressions that reveal when someone is putting on a show.

If you try to become more charismatic using conscious will, you will come off as fake until you adjust to the behaviors and it becomes habit. This is difficult to push through, you will feel uncomfortable not only because you are forcing it, but because people will give you some negative feedback. (The next article in the series will explain how to navigate around this awkwardness)

The long-term return on investment of changing your personality to be more aligned with your values is incredible. Your relationships will improve, you will have a more positive impact on those around you, you’ll enjoy socializing more, and people will have more fun around you.

#Confidence Charisma Change Genuine

1 note · View note