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You good ?

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Hello, I come bearing gifts while we wait for The Bear S4 to drop tomorrow night. Undecided on whether I'll put this up on AO3, prompt fill from an anon for a back alley fight between sydcarmy.

Carmen finds her in the alley behind the restaurant after shift. Squat, on the ground with her arms propped up by her knees and her head in between them, a cigarette in hand that’s been burning for so long that the ghost of it exceeds its body. It’s how he’s found her every night for the past week. Only this time, he understands why.

“Chef,” Carmen says, warning her of his presence. If he calls her Sydney, he might snap; if he calls her Syd, he might break. This is the comfortable middle ground. Her title. Who she is to the people who don’t know her. People like Adam Shapiro. Adam fucking Shapiro.

Maybe it’s something in Carmen’s voice, or the fact that he joined her outside at all when he no longer smokes, but when Sydney looks up at him, there’s nothing but contempt in her eyes. It’s so familiar that it winds Carmen up even more than he already was after being pulled aside in his own goddamn restaurant just to be asked if he was, “cool with the offer [Adam] made to Sydney.”

“What offer?” Carmen had asked. Adam’s smile faltered. “Oh, she hasn’t told you yet?”

Back in the present, Sydney sighs and says, “Whatever it is you need, can it wait like five minutes?”

Any other day, Carmen would give her the five. Give her the space. Anything she asked for, he would give to her. But it’s night right now, and the sky isn’t the only dark thing between them. So, Carmen says, “I think you’ve had longer than five minutes for this.”

Sydney’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, then relax as realization (and horror) dawn on her. “He talked to you.”

“Who?” Carmen asks – because he wants to fucking hear it from her. The person he built this place with, revived it with. First Mikey, and now her? And neither one of them had the decency to say goodbye themselves? “Who do you think talked to me?”

Sydney lets out something between a laugh and a scoff. “Okay. I can already see how this is gonna go,” she says as she stands up. “This is why I didn’t wanna have this conversation with you.”

“And what conversation is that?”

“About Shapiro offering me a position at his new place,” she answers dryly.

Carmen takes a deep breath to steady himself. “So when’s your last day, chef?”

Sydney rears back like she’s been slapped. “My last –? You know what, I changed my mind. I’m glad you brought this up.”

Some part of Carmen is thrilled that he’s getting a rise out of her, and he knows that it’s sick and twisted of him, but it feels like release.

“You know what your problem is, Carm?” Sydney asks as she crushes her cigarette beneath her heel. “You make decisions for me instead of with me.”

“Maybe if I didn’t have to pull everything out of you by force, I wouldn’t have to, Syd.”

“Oh, so now this is my fault?”

“Did I say that?”

Sydney gives him a look. “Were you trying to imply something else?”

“I’m not trying to imply anything,” Carmen intones. “I’m telling you, it’s harder for me to get you to say what’s on your mind than it is to scrub burnt caramel off a pan.”

She rolls her eyes. “Like you’re any better.”

“I am with you,” Carmen fires back.

The muscles in Sydney’s jaw clench at that. She looks down, then says, “Okay, you wanna know what’s on my mind?”

“That would be tremendous.”

“I think you’re a pain in the ass,” Sydney huffs. “I think you’ve found a way to make getting a star all about you when we were supposed to be doing this together. And like, I’m not suffering from the delusion that this –” Sydney gestures to the restaurant beside them, “– is going to be a fun little walk in the park every day, but it was supposed to be different. You didn’t even want a star when we were rebuilding, and then you flipped and went insane. Your list of non-negotiables is insane! Well, minus breaking down the boxes, you were right about that.” She shakes her head. “That’s not the point.”

“There was a point?”

Sydney rolls her eyes. “Oh, fuck you.”

“Fuck you,” Carmen returns.

“Fuck you!” Sydney snaps. “This is what I mean! You talk over me, you change the menu without me, you argue all. the fucking. time. Enough that even Shapiro noticed when he came here with his friends!”

“So go fucking work for him, then. I’m sure it’ll be so much better.”

Sydney tugs at her apron violently trying to pull something out of the pockets. When she finds her pack of cigarettes she launches it at Carmen, saying, “I don’t want to work for him, you ass! I want someone to work with. Someone to build a menu with. Someone to bitch about all of this – with. And that was supposed to be you! I applied to The Beef because I wanted to work with you!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Carmen asks, sounding more defeated than he wants to. “Why haven’t you signed the partnership agreement?”

“I –” Sydney sighs. “I don’t know.”

“No,” Carmen says, taking a step toward her. “Bullshit.”

Sydney takes a step back not realizing how close to the wall she is and bumps into it. She looks back at the offending wall, then at Carmen again. “I can’t – I don’t –” she groans, annoyed with herself. “I’m putting everything into this that I have, and if it fails, I don’t know if I’ll recover again.”

Carmen takes a deep breath to say something but finds that he has nothing worthy of the air to say. Instead, he nods and rubs his fist over his heart. The moment he does, he realizes how long it’s been since he last used the gesture… and how many moments within that time frame that it would’ve been fitting of him to use it. After a moment, he finally says, “I was trying to make sure we didn’t. I was trying –”

Sydney raises her eyebrows, waiting for the end of that sentence. When it doesn’t come, she prompts him, “You were trying to…?”

He looks her in the eyes. “I was trying to get you to stay.”

Her brow furrows again. “You didn’t even know Shapiro tried to hire me on as his executive chef.”

Carmen laughs, but it’s a hollow sound. He runs his fingers through his curls and scratches at his scalp. “That’s, that’s not – I was trying to give you what you wanted.”

Sydney squints at him. “Did you think I would leave if you didn’t?”

Carmen is silent for a beat too long apparently because Sydney whines, “Carmen.”

“What?”

“Dude, if not getting everything I wanted was enough to make me leave, I would’ve left a long time ago. And also, you’re kind of a shit judge of character when it comes to what it is that I actually want. Or like, the ranking of those things.”

“It’s not like you’re telling me, Syd,” Carmen drawls.

“I am,” she insists. “I have been. So, do me a favor? Try to internalize it.”

“... Chef.”

Sydney sighs. “I want you to talk to me,” she says. “About the menu, about what’s going on in your head –”

“I don’t think you want me to do that,” Carmen mutters under his breath.

“Shhh,” Sydney hisses over him. “I do want that. Because, clearly, whatever is going on up there is fucking up what’s out here.”

Understatement of the century, Carmen thinks.

“Just – stop trying to do it all alone to prove a point. Believe it or not, everyone wants this place to work. Not just you. And they’re willing to help get us there, too.”

Carmen nods. “Yeah.”

Sydney opens her mouth, then closes it, then tries again. “Y’know what the best meal I ever had was?”

Carmen’s brow furrows, confused as he is by the sudden turn in the conversation. “... What?”

“Paupiette of hamachi with blood orange,” Sydney says. She doesn’t wait for him to respond or react before going back inside. She simply says, “You already proved yourself to me as a chef. Now do it as a partner.”

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Source : Jeremy Allen White's Instagram

He’s alive! That Ayo pic…🥹😭💜 Like, he just has that pic on his phone!!!

FYI, im totally cool about this. Totally

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Another beautiful meta!!

I just wanna feed my kid: inspiration, creativity and dreams on The Bear

As much as The Bear is about inspiration and pushing professional limits, one of the things I truly love about this show is its gentle celebration of the quieter, less sexy, often invisible work that has to take place in order for inspiration, creativity and dreams to have the space to occur.

You'd be forgiven for wanting to know when this is ever dealt with in the show because like most things, its not explicit in the dialogue. Thats ok though because you've got folks like myself who have a tendency to hyperfixate that can help you navigate the vision! Lets dive in shall we...

Consistency over chaos

I've written here about how Carmy's chaotic upbringing likely influenced his decision to become a chef. In that meta, I suggest that Carmy uses cooking as a means of mastering chaos, particularly given the chaotic and inconsistent upbringing that he and his siblings were subjected to as a result of their absent father and abusive mother. If you have the time, I'd recommend reading that meta before jumping into this one as it sets out some important background, particularly on the importance of consistency in childhood.

The TLDR is: consistency in raising children occurs primarily through routine and predictability. These things create a sense of safety for children which in turn gives them the space to learn and to push boundaries. There are many examples of consistent parenting throughout seasons 1-3 of The Bear which I'll get into below:

Recall 3x06 Napkins and the conversation that Tina has with Mikey about her frustrations looking for new work after being fired from her job of 15 years:

Tina. Oh, shit. Its comedic how hard its been for me to find anything, man. I'll clean a dish. I'll wash a floor. I'll sell some bullshit, you know? I gotta cover this ass, right? I don't need to be inspired. I don't need to be impassioned. I don't need to make magic. I don't need to save the world, you know? I just- I just wanna feed my kid, you know?

Mikey: Amen.

Tina: Just give me a routine. I'm in.

Earlier in 3x06, prior to Tina and Mikey's conversation, we see Tina going about her daily routine. That routine featured so many aspects that point to Tina's desire to look after her family, in particular her son Louie (whom we first meet in 1x07 The Review). We see Tina's care in the pictures of Louie stuck to the Marrero fridge and her work space, in the food she prepares (lunch sandwiches and slowcooker meals), and in the notes she writes for her son:

Whats important to note in 3x06 is that Tina is seen doing all of the above before she loses her job AND afterwards. After she is fired, Tina continues to wake up just after 6am every weekday morning to prepare lunches and cook hot, hearty meals for her family and then dives into the job hunt like that is her new job. Tina keeps things moving, despite her own stress and anxiety about being able to pay her rent in order to keep her home so that she doesn't have to move Louie to a new school where he'll have to make new friends (because as Tina tells her husband, Louie has not had a good track record at making and keeping friends). Her concern always comes back to her son and making sure he is alright. Tina is never shown unloading her worries onto her son (aside from repeatedly telling Louie to turn the TV down lol). Instead, she writes him notes saying "I love you!"

In her disclosures to Mikey and her diligent routine in 3x06, we see that Tina's approach to raising her son - indeed her approach to life - echoes that of Marcus' mother, Angela, as evidenced in Marcus' eulogy for Angela in 3x03 Doors:

Marcus: She never let me be scared, like worried. She kept things moving. Always kept things running. [...] I always felt loved. It didn't matter what was going on or if I was in trouble or whatever.

Angela, like Tina, was committed to creating as safe, panic-less and anxiety-free a space as she could for her child to grow up in. These two women did what they needed to in order to keep their families going, while also giving their children the space in which to thrive.

This approach is echoed by a pregnant Nat in conversation with Richie in 3x04 Violet:

Richie: What? Hey, what was that? Tell me.

Natalie: I'm just, um, I'm thinking about how to not let what's- what's in here *motions to her head* how to not let that get to her.

Richie: Yeah, I think about that all the time.

Natalie: You do?

Richie: I got nothing though. You have any luck?

Natalie: I have nothing.

Despite telling Nat that he doesn't have an answer for how to keep his worries from getting to his daughter, Richie is shown navigating this aspect of parenting with Eva repeatedly through seasons 1-3 of The Bear. We see it in 3x04 when he reassures his daughter that he's good (after she says that his ex-wife, Tiff, thinks he's alone). In the same scene, Richie also checks to make sure Eva likes Tiff's fiance Frank, despite his own feelings towards his ex-wife's impending remarriage. Richie also tells Tiff in 3x09 that he doesn't want their daughter worrying about him.

In fact, the first time I realised that there may be more to cousin beyond the trash he was throwing at Sydney and Carmy in season 1 was in episode 2 of the show during his phone call with Eva where he reassures his daughter of how much he loves her after hearing from Tiff that she's having a hard time at her new school:

In the scene from 1x02 above, we see Richie jump in the course of a few minutes from blasting Sydney with his own white male insecurities ("...I think you should pause and take a breath before you start driving. Man or woman, I'm not discriminating. Its dangerous to get behind the wheel when you're hyserical" rofl this asshole), telling Tiff that he's not surprised Eva's crying because the kids at her new school are a bunch of "fuckfaces" to then sweetly, gently asking Eva how she's doing. Yes, season 1 Richie was a dickhead, but I give the above example to illustrate how good he is at switching tack when it comes to engaging with his child and shielding her from his own troubles: keeping it moving, doing what he can to make sure his kid doesn't feel scared or worried and making sure his child knows that she is loved.

Consistent parenting is also modelled by Emmanuel Adamu with his daughter Sydney throughout seasons 2-3. For example, in 3x04 Violet, Emmanuel tells Sydney his concerns about the apartment she's chosen ("I don't know whats flimsier, these walls or the partnership promises" lol), but as soon as Sydney says she's already signed the apartment's lease, Emmanuel sighs deeply, clicks his tongue in disapproval and says,

Emmanuel: We better go find you a couch.

This is unconditional, consistent love in action. Its how Marcus described his mother's approach to parenting: it didn't matter if he was in trouble, he always felt loved. Just like I'm sure Sydney felt loved in the above moment as her father huddled her off to a secondhand store to buy a couch for an apartment she knew that he didn't want her to move into.

So what does all of this talk about parenting have to do with inspiration, creativity, and magic? Well, its about creating an environment where these things are safe to emerge. It is very hard to let your mind roam where it needs to for creativity and inspiration to take hold when you are under threat, frightened or anxious. When a child's mind is in these states, it is worried about one thing: survival. And as we know, surviving is not thriving.

A dream deferred is a dream denied

The most obvious example of how parenting can impact on a child's ability to feel inspired, to be creative and to dream is shown to us through Mikey's story, as told to Tina in 3x06 Napkins:

Tina: This a family business?

Mikey: Yeah. You know, my- my old man, he opened it. He also ran it into the ground. He just, like, has a giant stack of unpaid bills. He took one look and he split, you know? He hightailed it. Ran for the hills, never came back.

Tina: Mmm. They'll do that.

Mikey: What, bills?

Tina: Dads.

Mikey: Yeah. Amen to that.

[...]

Mikey: I remember when I was a kid, I went on this field trip. I don't remember what it was fucking for, but I remember we went into this old building, you know? Like, beautiful. Like, proper art deco. And on every single floor it was, like, a different business, you know? It was all official. You know, people working in suits and dresses and, like, doing their thing. And I remember thinking like, this building, its like a building of dreams, you know?

Tina: What kind of dreams?

Mikey: Well, if- if you think about, like, every single one of those people, they had, like, one dream, right? And that led them to that building and then to that floor and then to that job. And it was just, like- you know?

Tina: Mmm. So it was inspiring?

Mikey: No, I mean, dude. It was totally fucking depressing. I mean, it killed me.

Tina: How come?

Mikey: I just- I don't know. I mean, I'm a kid, and I'm there, and I'm like, "Well that shit ain't happening to me." You know, I knew- I knew I was gonna get, like, skipped, you know? Like, I had shit to do, you know? I had people to take care of. And I knew that, like- I don't know. Like, that dream shit- pfft, you know, just- you know, wasn't gonna happen to me.

As I talk about in my previous Chaos and Consistency meta, the Berzatto children grew up in a home where chaos ruled. This was a result of their erratic, absent father and their erratic, abusive mother, Donna. Mikey, as the eldest child, bore the brunt of that inconsistency and chaos to such an extent that he felt like he never even had the option to dream. He was too busy looking after his family, too busy surviving, to even contemplate inspiration or creativity. We know that a life without inspiration, creativity or dreams is a life without hope. This is no way to live and we know that ultimately, that lack of hope leads Mikey to a point where he takes his own life. I imagine that this is every parent's worst nightmare. I know its mine.

Changing the world

There's only one thing that I've told my kid I need him to do for me: leave this world a better place than when he arrived in it. Ultimately, I want him to be a good ancestor. As a parent, its my job to create the conditions in which he is able to do that, in whatever way he chooses to go about that task. Others may disagree and want different things for their kids. I share this only because its one of the main reasons The Bear resonates so strongly with me.

In this show, I see a bunch of folks trying their hardest to be good ancestors, despite and because of their own backgrounds and upbringings. This may not be readily apparent when folks watch the show because as we know, The Bear is often described in legacy media as being about a stressful workplace, wunderkind chef Carmy and the restaurant industry. These are very superficial descriptions.

The Bear is many things. I've talked about its critique of late stage capitalism, its resistance to fascism (interpersonally and more broadly), its gorgeous take on a predestined love, its portrayal of intergenerational trauma, its tackling of the white gaze (which I argue here it needs to further rise to the challenge of in season 4), and its dissection of masculinity, to name a few. Others on this platform have also produced beautiful, incisive meta about various aspects of this show (normally I would link to a bunch but in the interest of time, I'll hold off. Hopefully the Media References in The Bear table will help in this regard).

But something I've not yet discussed and haven't seen tackled at length here is how the show raises up the quiet, consistent work that allows a wunderkind chef like Carmy to exist. Carmy is talented and he rose up through the ranks despite his chaotic childhood. But I would argue that one of the main reasons he had the space to pursue his dream, was because of the quiet, thankless work that his brother and his sister and others (like cousin Michelle) likely did to get him there. Certainly, one of the only reasons Carmy is able to run The Bear in season 3 is because of the quiet, consistent work that Sydney has undertaken from season 1 to ensure that he has a team working with him.

By having a parent like Angela, Marcus had the space to imagine, to be impassioned, to seek out magic. And once he's given the environment in which he can pursue his imagination, his passion? He fucking SOARS. We're talking orange chocolate layer cake, "Mom's Honey Bun", "Sydney's Donut (After Carm Destroyed It Like a Little Bitch)", "Copenhagen Sundae", "The Michael", that delicate white violet on a fence. As Carmy says, Marcus can absolutely throw down.

And if the above examples weren't enough, we also get the point driven home by Uncle Jimmy in 3x09 Apologies during his alleyway chat with Carmy:

Uncle Jimmy: Anyway, so I'm in this lecture, and its called "The Day Tomorrow Began," right? Its all about these breakthroughs in, like, science and fucking culture and whatever. And, um, actually how they're all born from people of the U of Chicago, right here in Illinois, you know?

[Note: the use of the word "born" here is important and reiterates the role of parents and other mentor figures - like our teachers, for example - in fostering an environment where creativity can bloom.]

Crazy fucking shit, let me tell you. Like carbon dating. You know what that is?

Carmy: I don't think so.

Uncle Jimmy: So when anything is alive - anything - like plants, animals, human beings, whatever, we absorb carbon 14 atoms into our tissue, all right? So then when we die, those atoms start to get released back out in the atmosphere. This one motherfucker, right? He figures out how to measure how long something's been dead by counting the remaining carbon 14 atoms. Who the fuck thinks of that, right?

Carmy: I don't know.

Uncle Jimmy: Another one? First nuclear reactor. That's right. University of fucking Chicago, baby.

Carmy: Huh.

Uncle Jimmy: Yeah. Its inspiring really, cause its kind of like, if you really nurture these dreams, these goals, no matter how batshit crazy they sound, and trust me, there are like 15 more of these breakthroughs, positively fucking idiotic, alright? But you can make an impact, right? You can actually change the fucking world, as long as you have a place like the university to take care of you, to let you do your thing. Let you drive, right?

Uncle Jimmy's observations to Carmy are interesting because they challenge Tina's thoughts on parenting. Recall in 3x06, Tina says:

I'll clean a dish. I'll wash a floor. I'll sell some bullshit, you know? I gotta cover this ass, right? I don't need to be inspired. I don't need to be impassioned. I don't need to make magic. I don't need to save the world, you know? I just- I just wanna feed my kid, you know?

But what Uncle Jimmy notes, and what I'm trying to say in this meta (hopefully lol, you tell me if this makes sense) is whether she likes it or not, Tina is changing the world. She is making magic. Consistent, loving parents, caregivers, and mentors are impactful and world changing because of the space they create for those they care for. For the possibilities they engender.

Many who watch The Bear know that this show has its roots in the family history of its creator, Chris Storer. Chris and his sister, Courtney grew up in a context that, by their own admission, had a lot of addiction, chaos, and trauma. I think its pretty special that they were able to work together on this show and in doing so, process those struggles on a path towards healing. How often do we get the chance to make things right for our younger selves? Some would say we never do, that’s the past. Many parents would tell you, it’s every day that we have with our kids and are given the chance to be the parent we needed when we were younger.

But you don't need to be a parent, caregiver or mentor to make things right for your younger self, to create safe spaces for others. If anything, The Bear shows us how a group of disparate folks who happen to work together create that space between themselves.

I think Joanna Calo and Chris Storer might argue, that we get the chance to be caring and consistent in every interaction we have with others. Where if given the choice, you give grace and in doing so, space. So that inspiration, creativity and dreams can flourish, wherever you go.

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Courtney Storer (culinary producer, Chris's sister) posted this today...I have spent so long digesting this picture in particular:

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The Feeling of Safety [read here] sydcarmy | rated e | 4.5k

'That feeling of safety you prize, well it comes at a hard hard price... Do you think what I’m askin’s too much? I just want to feel you in my arms, share a little of that human touch...'

Sydney and Carmy are just friends. Just friends who have sex and don't cuddle after... at least that's the case until one night they do.

“I know what this is Carmy, so it’s okay.” “And what the fuck is this?” he asked because he wanted to know, too. He wanted it to be something real, but he was too scared that he might chase her away. When she didn’t answer, he pushed. “Syd, tell me why you’re leaving in the middle of the night.” He demands the answer from her, relieved when she huffs instead of opening the door, the telltale sign she’s about to start speaking.

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I can’t wait to watch Carmy short circuit once he finds out about Syd’s favourite dish

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You know what I want? Once things come to pass in season 4 or 5 or whenever, I would love nothing more than a new version of this stupid video highlighting all of the things we have been calling out in meta about this song since they played it the first time.

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Daytime Cast Interviews Scheduled for this week (source) as of 6/23:

Liza - Monday (23) - Good Morning America

Matty - Tuesday (24) - The View

Liza - Wednesday (25) - Kelly Clarkson

Abby - Wednesday (25) - Good Morning America

Liza - Friday (27) - Today

Liza - Tuesday (7/1) - Live with Kelly and Mark

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It has been a while since i posted some art here. Sadly, i was hit by real life and got ill for quite some time (i am fine again, no worries). But anyways, i am back out of nowhere again with some fine content – you know me by know, don't ya?

Lately i got stucked in sticker printing hell, which is why i am currently designing a shit ton of stickers. And since the new Season of The Bear is on the horizon, it was time to draw my favorite chefs and cousins again. Enjoy!

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they are always together

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Late Night Show Cast Interviews Scheduled for this week (source):

Tonight (Mon 23): Matty on Seth Meyers

Wednesday (25): Abby on Jimmy Fallon

Thursday (26): JAW on Jimmy Fallon

Interestingly, there are no other guests listed for the day JAW is on Fallon, and the interview is after the show comes out, which makes me wonder if they are holding back some of the promo for reasons...

(Also John Cena is on Colbert on Tuesday (24) but I'm crossing my fingers that that has nothing to do with season 4...)

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y’all remember when Carmen had a panic attack and the thing that calmed him down was Sydney walking into his life? y’all remember when he said he wouldn’t even wanna do this without her? y’all ever think about how if Sydney really did leave to work with Shapiro that The Bear would die. How Carmen doesn’t like dysfunction but he likes this. With her. y’all ever think about how he’s never gonna leave her alone again? how he invited her to a funeral when he couldn’t step foot in the door of the last one. How Sydney is the reason Carmen ever really does The Work of Getting Better?

DO YOU EVER JUST FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT ALL

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Carmy's darkest secret

CONTENT WARNING !!!!!

Distressing opinions, egregious cornplating, predictive- serious potential spoilers if true.

TRIGGER WARNING: Substance ab*se, Suic*de, Mental illness.

I'll just come right out and say it.

I think Carmy might be an addict.

And I don't mean addict like a workaholic or perfection addict like we've been saying here.

I think Carmy might be an actual addict.

In fact, more specifically, I think Carmy might be a heroin addict.

"Woah! WTF, are you crazy?"

Hopefully. Hopefully I am..

I've never wanted to be more wrong in my life. And I want this meta to be so clown worthy, to be actual comedy in retrospect because it gets me properly laughed at for how wrong it is.

But walk with me here...

An unreliable narrator?

I've discussed previously in this meta my opinion of how the story of The Bear is being told from Carmy's perspective and his subjective mind, and so, the visuals and general ambience including how we perceive the characters are at least partially controlled by him. One thing that convinces me of this is how the show literally starts inside his head (the bridge dream) which sets the tone for the rest of the show.

An unreliable narrator can be defined as any narrator who misleads readers, either deliberately or unwittingly. Many are unreliable through circumstances, character flaws or psychological difficulties. In some cases, a narrator withholds key information from readers, or they may deliberately lie or misdirect.

Source: jerichowriters.com

Carmy could very well fall under the mentally impaired unreliable narrator but I think he is possibly just a dishonest narrator. Because he seems to be purposefully evading vital truths (lying by omission and substitution).

Another character in media that fits this dishonest narrator description is Fleabag of season 1. Up until the end we were with her, we sympathized and empathized with her. We cried and laughed with her. We fully understood her anger at Beau for doing what she did (won't spoil the plot for those who haven't watched it). And even at the end you still are with her. She manages to get you to see yourself in her and it's all in the power of how she tells her story.

Carmen, the drunk

I had too much to drink

I didn't think, I didn't think of you

Half A World Away - R.E.M ("The Bear")

One interesting assumption about carmy is that he is completely sober, a teetotaler, in fact. I've seen people make jokes about how he would be so light brained that he'll get drunk on nothing. Because we've never seen him drink. We've seen his confusion and anger discovering that Mickey had a drug problem he didn't know about. We see how much he despises Donna and the trauma she brought them through her drunkenness. So it's very fitting that we assume he wouldn't drink or use substances at all because that is the logical response.

But what if Carmy was actually drunk for at least all of season 1?

An unreliable narrator, especially in the 3rd person narrative, will leave clues. The pilot starts by showing us an idea of what Carmy was dealing with; unpaid bills, unreliable vendors, an outdated system and an untrusting and disrespectful staff. In between those flashes we see shots of half drunk bottles. Now those bottles could have been there for any number of reasons. Maybe it was left there by Michael. Maybe it was cooking wine. Except in the coming episodes you realize that they didn't really have anything on the menu they cooked with red wine and the bottles kept changing in content so they were obviously active bottles.

There's another spot the difference magic trick happening in these shots. Can you see it? Hint: our mother of victory.

The shots are saying something.

"Hands" was the first full on attempt to call our attention without telling us that Carmy had a problem. I said in a recent post that you had to pay attention to the shots used in the show as ask yourself "why that shot?" everytime.

The episode starts out with shots of full bottles on the table when he's interacting with Syd. We also see the bottles full after he sends Richie and Syd of to the store and he's talking to Sugar about joining Al-Anon which he seems resistant to. However, by the time Richie gets back, finds Mickey's letter and tries to deliver it to Carmy, a whole 1½ bottles of the wine is gone. This is in one afternoon, in the space of at most 2-3 hrs. No casual drinker could ever drink that much alcohol in that space of time. We are dealing with an alcoholic.

We also see that he has lapses in memory (a classic symptom of alcoholism) at the end of the episode when he discovers that the cigarettes that caused the day's mishap was actually left by him, which made him seriously consider joining Al-Anon.

Sleep walking:

Sleep walking can be triggered by alcohol (I've experienced this first hand). He says to Nat that it happens to him from time to time and she immediately brings up Al-Anon, telling him he can ask for help.

Withdrawals

Carmy shakes a lot. He's fidgety and can't stay still most times. Knowing his history and current state of mind we blame his neurotic nature. What we don't consider is that Carmy sometimes is having the shakes- a sign of withdrawal. The first time they show this is in "Dogs" at Cicero's party. We see shake off the shakes while making the hotdogs and having a laugh with Richie and Cicero.

We also see this happen in "Ceres" in the flashback with Michael making Braciole. If I had to guess, this is why Michael cut him off from the restaurant. Imagine two addicts working together? He probably felt Carmy going out in the world and finding inspiration would make him opt for a better and maybe get clean.

Some other scenes with Carmy showing signs of withdrawal:

- In the meeting with Cicero in "The Beef" his hands are clenched almost the whole time to curtail the shakes.

- Tomorrow in his Ever scene with Luca you can see his hand shaking as he raises his voice to Luca before chef Terry intervenes.

- When Chef Fields says "Are you shaking? Are you nervous?" to Carmy. Carmy isn't nervous, he in withdrawal.

- In "Omelette" ...and this one broke my heart...

The table scene with Syd.

It's not the side effects of the cocaine

I'm thinking that it must be love

Station to Station (David Bowie)

Mood swings and erratic behavior

One thing we've all come to get used to is Carmy's volatile disposition. He has the tendency to erupt or spiral dramatically at anytime showing us how extreme it can get in episodes like Review and The Bear. Behavior like this can be exacerbated by alcoholism.

For Carmy, it's a recurring pattern in season 1, he's irritable and shitty during the day but gets nicer and friendlier after he's had a bottle and half later in the day. We see this pattern play out in Hands, Brigade and even Ceres in his interaction with Syd.

Neglecting responsibilities

Anyone who's watched Carmy would call him the hardest working chef. He's fast and always seems busy, but there has been many instances of him abandoning his responsibilities in S1 and S2. That whole bit about "dialing business" while Syd is everything else was just a bullshit way for Carmy to hole himself up in the office and get drunk and not have to also worry about the day to day. Not that he conciously intends for it to be that way, but because his head is messed up, it ends up that way. He does this in season 1 with the excuse of Al-Anon and he does same in season 2 with the excuse of Claire. He tells Sydney to care about everything more than anything because he doesn't trust himself to care enough.

Self isolation

We heard him describe to the Al-Anon crowd how he self isolates. We attribute this to him reacting to the heartbreak from Mickey's treatment of him, but should we believe him? Because self isolation is also another symptom of alcoholism. He found a station for himself were he could exist in a kind of bubble and the more people he cut out of his the quieter his life got. One thing with self isolation is that it gives you less people you care about to make you feel guilty about your substance abuse. You get to do without the extra work having to hide and constantly lie to people.

Carmy's family history of alcoholism:

We see this hinted with the Al-Anon pamphlet "Alcoholism, the family disease". This is a hereditary mental illness that has been passed down the Berzatto family.

In Fishes, apart from Donna being drunk and Stephen commenting that everyone had drunk too much, we briefly see an old woman passed out on the couch, shown between shots of red wine, that is never acknowledged. This suggests a family where being passed out drunk is a normal sight or maybe for that particular person. I'm thinking by the age of them, it's probably their Nonna. I remember Nat subtly informing us in Ice Chips that Donna's mum was worse than Donna.

Fairest creatures :

We always associated this with the poem, so interpreted it as his secret desire for kids. But maybe they really are referencing the wine house in California (I think it was @gingergofastboatsmojito that highlighted this wine house), as an indication of his wine drinking habit. It could also hold both meanings since The Bear does a lot of killing many birds with a stone.

Timeline of Carmy's present day substance abuse:

– Wakes up from a drunken slumber where he dreams of the bear at the bridge

– Tries and repeatedly fails to keep his drinking in check all of season 1. Culminates in the Review debacle.

– Attempts to quit again (I think) in "Pasta" by filling his time and trying to find fun. Getting closer to Syd. Meets and rejects Claire.

– His disposition seemed to have started changing in "Sundae" he's showing cracks in his mood. Looks like he's going through the motions cooking at the apartment. Tries to bump up the fun by doing a taste tour but abandons it when Claire calls him because in reality he was abandoning the idea that he could do it clean. So his sobriety probably lasts only about a week.

– In the beginning of Honeydew you can see him falling apart already. He looks like very stressed out and unable to concentrate. He's obviously been disappearing because he doesn't seem to be up to date on what's happening at the restaurant.

– By "Pop" he is fully hanging out with the party crowd. We see that he's been disappearing for a while now.

(On a side note: I wonder if the sign that says Ziggy on the calendar in Bolognese is referencing Ziggy Stardust, as in The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust.)

– Is in full withdrawal by friends and family. Probably contemplating giving sobriety "his full focus". Another version of Review happens again as he loses control mid service.

Tomorrow:

The opening sequence of tomorrow was very interesting. He walks into the dark restaurant, death stares two glasses of wine and an ashtray of cigarettes. Clears and vigorously cleans the table, then kicks the bar cart in disgust. This is a dramatic summation of how he felt about alcohol, this thing that has upended his life. We also see him start his R&D process by dumping a bottle of red wine in a pot, repurposing his addiction. In a normal setting the alcoholic would dump all the alcohol in the sink to start the sobering process. He also tries to reorganize his life in an effort to cope with it.

We see him mentally go through his journey as a chef and his journey as an addict with markers made with the music alone. There are moments of flow, moments of drama and moments of crises. Each time the dissonant section of the music plays, I think, represents either a crisis that leads him back to another cycle of addiction, or his addiction coming to a head.

We see him stoop and look at four spots before the episode comes to a close. The spots are never shown. But if I had to guess, I'd say those spots were: the fridge, the locker room, the bar cart and the clock.

S3 is about getting it out of his system:

I think Carmy is yet again trying to beat his addictions. I think this is the first time we are actually witnessing him rawdog his depression in real time without his substance clutch and that is why he is so insufferable. Season 3 is Carmy in long-term withdrawal and detoxification and it's not an easy process. It's hard and it's ugly. The dramatic marker (substitute storyline) for this point in his life is his quitting cigarettes. The cigarettes, as well as representing itself, also represents his other addictions and so at his last count with Syd, Carmy has been sober for 41 days + the following days that count to the Ever funeral.

[turbulenthandholding]

This is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

Pill Popping Prescription Notepad

Following @fairestbeard's discussions here about addictions on The Bear here which got me thinking about this particular topic:

Carmy's darkest secret part 1

Carmy's darkest secret part 2

The Bear goes out of its way in S1 to show that Mikey's pill bottle had no medical label, or the label had been removed.

It zooms in on Richie's Xanax, however, so that the label can be fully read.

Why would they do this? The only reason is to build suspense around the idea that someone was writing Mikey scripts, and they don't want us to know who. This is all in S1.

This entire show is about addictions and what you replace them with in your life, whether it's related to work, or family, or career.

Why make Claire an MD? She could've been in many other intense professions with weird hours if that was the parallel they were after. (Syd mocking Richie in S1 just naming stuff like a bricklayer or clockworker, comes to mind). When one of the main plot points is Mikey suiciding and being on prescription pills?

When you go back and rewatch, it gets even more obvious where they're pointing the arrows.

Is it misdirect? Possibly. Because the truth is our society is filled with addicts and we can discuss what drives that. I would argue it is systems putting pressure on people to always perform and be at the top of their game but giving them no time to live and that you also must hide it if you're becoming unwell and starting to break down (unlike a shell-shucking robot or replicant) because that makes the system (run by people) feel uncomfortable because they want people to keep living like this more than ever.

But:

Michael Stipe of REM said "Strange Currencies" was written for the lead singer of INXS, who died of suicide and had prescription pills and alcohol in his system. "Can't Hardly Wait" by The Replacements is also about suicide. Two songs with connections to suicide? There are literally hundreds of songs about being stuck and trying to move forward that aren't about suicide. Also, the bullet necklace Claire wears when Carmy sees her at Potash and the way Mikey went out?

Carmy's reaction when Claire tells him she knows the name of the restaurant and it's The Bear. Carmy's thrown off because he knows the person he first told that to was Mikey and that it stayed in the family. But Mikey was sharing the picture Carmy sent him on his phone to Tina and talking to her about it. I'm guessing he'd talk to Claire about the drawing of the restaurant Carmy made him. It's also why Carmy gives her a fake number, she makes him uneasy by the fact she knows things that are too personal already.

As a person who has been around some of this kind of stuff growing up, several things start to line up:

Claire is still friends with all her high school crowd even though she's in a professional role, who all act "stuck" and are partying like they're still in college. Common enough, but let's keep going.

Claire tells Carmy upfront she's been taking care of her wasted friends for a long time and previously that her profession of choice is that she likes to look at messy things happening to people and figure out what is causing it.

The guy who broke into T-mobiles at the house party abused Ambien, another prescription drug. He also says her friend Kelly is "always getting rocked". We know he's not talking about her breakup, because she was with that guy for five years.

Claire tells Carmy she likes to steal and that she's a "horrible driver, but I like the risk of it". What's riskier than being an MD who gets caught writing scripts illegally?

She also says she will send all the Faks to beat Carmy up for giving her the wrong number. Every Fak we've seen does weird odd-jobs. What would you think if someone sent Sammie Fak to your door? For instance, for sending the money by Venmo and not wiring it which is "sketchy"?

Her story in S3 flashback about the girl she prescribes the wrong medication to and almost kills is, as @fairestbeard pointed out, essentially a stand-in for an overdose story

When Carmy and Claire go to the post office to drop off the bribe money because Cicero worked things out, Claire says "This is where the shit goes down" like where you'd conduct a drug deal, out of sight.

Claire's weird behavior at first around Richie? Is that about her not liking him because of Tiff or that he knows she gave Mikey scripts? Because I think we know Richie can definitely keep a secret. It's why he gets so mad at Neil in S1 when he outs him for dealing drugs, because he was Mikey's accomplice. We also later see Richie narc and call the cops so, could end up being real funny if that happens again.

Calling her the cute "Claire Bear" nickname when she's well into adulthood is very funny if it's actually code for her being a dealer. In Fishes they even bring in Stevie to comment about it who comes across as clueless compared to what Mikey and Richie are saying. And Mikey and Richie are talking about her like they've been around her enough to notice that she's a wizard and she's hot now. Carmy hates all of it.

I'm sure there are other examples!

[turbulenthandholding]

Thank you so much for including my stories on your list!! And I am beyond honored to be the cause of someone throwing their phone (something I have done myself more than once while reading)!!

The Bear Fanfic Recs

If anyone’s interested in some recs to tide you over before season 4 starts, here are some of my fav fanfics for The Bear; stuff I’ve been back to reread multiple times. Also if you're into music while reading, I've chucked in a song rec for each fic.

I'm not a very quick reader and I know The Bear fandom has some of the most talented fanfic authors around so there are going to be heaps of fantastic stories that are not on this list. This is entirely bc I just haven't been able to read them as yet! I’m always on the hunt for more fic to read so pls share if you have any recommendations!

Fair warning, these are all Sydcarmy and almost all rated E.

The Wild, Wild Berry by Blissymbolics

* Literally altered my brain chemistry when I read it. Juicy codependent angst, sensuously written and a Syd that is so dear to me. Song rec while reading: "Heat Lightning" by Mitski

Fundamentals for the Fun and Mental by @bioloyg

* Beautifully written slow burn with the sexiest of endings. Also one of the truest depictions of all the characters on the show I’ve read yet. Song rec while reading: "Pendulum" by FKA Twigs

Child with a child pretending by @emilybrontay

* Sydney rejoins the workforce as a single mum and Carmy is her boss. Written with so much care. Contains the most affecting rewrite of the events of 1x07 The Review. Song rec while reading: "Coming Back" by James Blake feat. SZA

Soul meets body by @turbulenthandholding

* AU where Syd and Carmy are connected in more ways than one. This one is full of magic, angst, sweetness and sparks! The first fic I’ve read that has literally made me throw my phone cos of the suspense. Song rec while reading: "Hit Me Where the Heart Is" by Mega Simone

Nobody ever got my soul right by seh28

* Tender angst while Syd and Carmy travel for work. Features one of the most eye-opening insights into Syd's restlessness, delivered in the softest of scenes. Song rec while reading: "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne

All This Nothing (Has Meant More to Me Than So Many Somethings) by @turbulenthandholding

* This fic was a GIFT during the end of 2024. You've Got Mail x The Bear. I was kicking my feet and squee-ing on public transport with this one. Song rec while reading: "Unknown/Nth" by Hozier

Eating for Two by Blissymbolics

* Laugh out loud funny with the sweetest end. A comedy of errors and a food baby named Vindaloo. Song rec while reading: "Home" by Good Neighbours

We were perfect when we started, I've been wondering where we've gone by @freedelusionshere

* If season 4 doesn't give me my urban farm dream for The Bear crew, then this fic did. The warmest, sultriest fix-it for the end of season 3. Song rec while reading: "Work Song" by Hozier.

Like UPS? by @sutherlins

* The most meta story where the Sydcarmy fire gets set off by...fanfic. Equal parts hilarious and sexy. Song rec while reading: "Rush" by Ayra Starr

Don't Wait for the Tide Just to Dip Both Your Feet In by @anxietycroissant

* My fav The Bear sickfic. I don't know how, but this one makes COVID symptoms sexy lmao. Song rec while reading: "People, I've been sad" by Christine and the Queens

Rules For (fake) Dating an Italian by @poorlittlegreenie13

* The Bear x Buffalo 66. Funny, tender, hot and some of the best Syd x Berzatto/Jerimovich family exchanges I've had the pleasure of reading. Song rec while reading: "Two of Us on the Run" by Lucius

Not Friends, Few Benefits by smudged_mascara

* If Syd and Carmy were to become friends with benefits, this is the most realistic depiction of it I can imagine, from its unspoken start to glorious finish. Song rec while reading: "Waiting Game" by BANKS

The Unspeakable Four by @ambeauty

* Delicious chocolate box of an AU fic. Syd and Carmy have a kid and their professional paths diverge. Syd wants to work smarter to provide for her baby. Carmy has to navigate shifting professional and personal roles. Features the sweetest father-son relationship between Carmy and Emmanuel. Song rec while reading: "All Night" by Beyonce

a curious token (would the talkers be talking?) by @sydneys-adamu

* @sydneys-adamu/puzzlepuppy is brilliant at nailing the voices of each character on this show and this is a masterclass in playing with the form of a standard Sydcarmy fic. Song rec while reading: "Last Train Home" by John Mayer

Take Care by @purposechef

* anything by @purposechef/Oysterknife is gold but Take Care gave me the Before Sunrise x The Bear crossover I never thought I needed. Song rec while reading: "Love" by FACESOUL.

Happy reading!

[turbulenthandholding]

New teaser! Syd and Richie are high key giving siblings energy here and I’m LIVING for it!!