typicalangst

[typicalangst]

It's my 9 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[typicalangst]

Quite proud of this piece but I fear its too emo to post on main

[typicalangst]

Another piece of art.

[typicalangst]

A musing about generational trauma. But it’s art, so take from it what you please.

[typicalangst]

[typicalangst]

A piece about writing:

i find myself in a perpetual state of anticipation- in wait for the next minor epiphany, the next achievement, or the next shared understanding. I long for the utter satisfaction that comes with clear communication. I wish for nothing more than to convey my ideas without any remanence getting lost in translation. I find myself still trying to accept the impossibility of this. I will not be able to successfully reap every last bit of my brain into some creative execution, yet I continue to create poetry despite this- like one day a writing will come through the way I intend it to. Writing intensifies this state of mind- the endless potential, the sheer volume of words and incomprehensible combinations, the rich imagery I can evoke if I combine the right ones. But I can not be everything I want to be in this lifetime- and suddenly I feel horribly limited. So why write if contentment is unattainable? While it may be a fleeting endeavor, it’s a sanctuary where I can release the torrent of thoughts and emotions that plague me, the therapeutic exhale after it has all been pressing against my chest for too long. Yet paradoxically, this refuge can become a double edged sword, a feeble chase for perfectionism and the need to be understood, heard, respected- all insatiable hungers that can never be satisfied. In that way, I think writing is a reflection of life. I write for myself, others, relief, but mostly I write to externalize myself and grasp at any chance to gain control over my mind. ~P

[typicalangst]

“You don’t look disabled”

I wanna talk about something that just really irks me because it’s probably one of the most disrespectful things I’ve ever had a romantic partner tell me and one of the most ignorant things you can say to someone with disabilities

When trying to educate an ex about my disabilities he said

“You don’t really seem autistic to me” and while this isn’t really about him cuz I’ve removed that garbage from my life, I wanna talk about why you shouldn’t say this to people.

what I think he meant in that moment was I don’t fit his perception of what he thinks an autistic person looks or acts like.

That I don’t fit the autism stereotype

But That “stereotype” fails to look at autism as a spectrum and completely disregards that autism is a mostly invisible disability.

And I get people like that are coming from a place of ignorance and maybe wasn’t intentionally coming off as rude or dismissive - but regardless of intent it’s ableist.

I have to mask alot throughout my life, especially in the dating scene & in my professional life but I find myself masking a LOT seven with my friends when I’m afraid of judgement or when people ask me to be nice to people who have hurt me or act normal for the sake of saving face. Yes I have good language and communication skills and I’m clearly verbal & have different support needs then a nonverbal autistic person, but that’s exactly why I feel the need to speak up about this and try to dismantle the ableism in society so the world can be more accepting of everyone who’s different. While I can only talk about my specific experience with autism, if I’m dealing with ableism like this imagine how those who struggle more with functioning have to navigate their relationships.

But part of autism being a spectrum is that the way it presents in each individual person is completely unique & yeah we may share some similarities and relate to challenges like these

I got my autism diagnosis pretty late in life and it’s helped me understand a lot of my behaviors, especially in the context of my other disabilities like borderline and complex ptsd. My brain is neurologically different, and these other disorders also have severe impacts on my behavior, my ability to regulate, my ability to think clearly and logically in stressful situations. And while I feel like I navigate that for the most part quite well, these disabilities do impact every area of my life - especially with interpersonal relationships. I’m not gonna always share the struggles on social media, this is a very polished version of me that I put on line. Even if I wanted to share what it looked like to have an episode or be in an autistic shut down, I physically can’t in those moments. So what I will say is please- question those perceptions and stereotypes, challenge yourself before speaking from ignorance, because yeah these disabilities may not be a free pass for shitty behavior but they do very much impact every aspect of a persons behavior.

[typicalangst]

A short excerpt from my poem about polyamory and unicorn hunters

[typicalangst]

[typicalangst]

[typicalangst]

SPACE

[typicalangst]

Some art about suicide

[typicalangst]

I’ve been working on this art project lately

[typicalangst]

A List of "Poetic" Words

to include in your next poem (pt. 2 because there are a lot of them)

Abyssopelagic: The deep regions of the ocean (or the “abyss”), as in, the “abyssopelagic zone.”

Acersecomicke: One whose hair was never cut.

Agathokakological: Composed of both good and evil.

Bêtise: An act of foolishness or stupidity.

Cachinnate: To laugh loudly or immoderately

Cacography: Bad handwriting.

Deipnosophist: A person skilled in table talk

Diaphanous: Sheer and light; almost transparent; or delicately hazy.

Incendiary: Flammable; something that incites agitation or sedition.

Jentacular: Pertaining to breakfast.

Lagniappe: A gift, usually monetary like a tip, and you might still hear it in areas of southern Louisiana and southeastern Texas.

Languor: Lack of energy or vitality, or, more concisely, sluggishness or laziness.

Limerence: An old-fashioned way to describe intense feelings of obsession or infatuation with another person.

Matutinal: Of, relating to, or occurring in the morning.

Noctivagant: Going about in the night; night-wandering.

Opsimath: A person who begins to learn late in life.

Patrizate: To imitate one's father or forebears.

Peccability: Capability of sinning.

Pot-valiant: Bold or courageous under the influence of alcoholic drink.

Quadrivium: The intersection of four roads. The word was adapted in medieval times to refer to the teaching of four essential subjects (arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, and music).

Recogitate: To think over again.

Redame: To love in return.

Scripturient: Having a strong urge to write.

Sibilance: The distinctive hiss-like sound made by the letter S, or comparable sounds like a soft C.

Solivagant: Rambling alone, marked by solitary wandering.

If any of these words make it into your poem/story, please tag me or leave me a link in the replies. I'd love to read them!

Sources: 1 2

[typicalangst]

Dear Pink Peeling Paint

You are an example of whatdoyoucallit? Alliteration!

But you are also pretty & sad In The same way I am pretty & sad, getting sadder & sadder all the time as the pretty layers come off in strips. That is a metaphor or something. Normally I would know but I’m too tired to make my brain work. Earlier I was shaving my legs and I pressed the razor Down- Hard at this certain angle & it cut pretty deep but not deep enough. I always get this feeling like if I could just get a little deeper I could get through the day. I would feel so much better. But it just doesnt work. I’m gonna have to find a real blade like the kind in the movies that the tough men use in dirty-low lit bathrooms while they look in the dirty mirror & mutter to themselves. I try to get better by taking the pills but they just make me sadder. The only thing that’s ever helped is weed. My crush didnt talk to me today. Basically everything is a total waste

I am a total waste

[typicalangst]

I have been better. I struggle with my relationships and friendships. Everyone is tired of my push pull. I cant help it....when I get too much love I get triggered....sucks

BPD is all about learning to control yourself and communicate effectively and appropriately. It’s difficult to control but it’s also valid for your friends to feel tired of it

[typicalangst]

Hi I reached out to you about how you manage things with your BPD.

Hi! How are you doing?