typicalstarrr - Tumblr blog

[typicalstarrr]

4/8/23

not much has changed. still living. i graduate soon. i have to wait another year to apply for dental hygiene school. i did not pass my teas. i have lost 25 pounds though. feels pretty good. trying to get ahead of school work, so i can just relax for a little. i start da school soon. not much going on. bye.

11:21 am

[typicalstarrr]

1/30/23

i dont know why im here. sometimes living can be so draining, and i just want to feel free for once. i feel like i am stuck in this cycle of waking up early and doing nothing productive for myself. i spend hours on social media, and i dont put other things like academics first. im mentally drained by school, and i want to get it over with. people always comment on how smart i am, but i feel like im not. i get good grades, but nothing is ever enough for me. i complain and complain and complain but i dont make a change. i wish i could see myself the way others see me. people see me as pretty, smart, and loving. but i see myself as ugly, stupid, and negative towards everything. one day i will be content with myself. 

hopefully i start writing every day again

12:28 am

[typicalstarrr]

Ok

It is halloween, and I am in school right now. I failed my teas test, and i feel like an idiot. everyone had high hopes for me, and it is the biggest slap in the face when people thought i was joking. i feel like i mainly disappointed my advisor... i mean the look on her face was just serious. i am proud of myself because i have been losing weight. i have lost alsmost twenty pounds, so that is amazing. im doing good in classes. failing the teas was so disappointing especially since it cost me 65 bucks. hopefully i will pass the next time, but idk. kind of a bummer. wish i could just be happy for once. 

[typicalstarrr]

09/26/22

Sometimes I don’t know what I am doing in my life. Frank Ocean helps a lot. I constantly listen to his music, and I never get tired of it. I wish I was into listening to a variety of music, but I feel safe just listening to his music. I feel like im struggling mentally, but I am not sure. I just get these urges of feeling ‘blank’. I am ready to graduate and begin my career. I want my dreams to come true, and I just want to be able to have my dream car, and pool. That it what I need to fulfill my life. Maybe travel, maybe kids.. but not anytime soon. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely laughed. I was playing games with Sam and his community, and it was so fun. I was laughing so hard, and it was 2 am. Obviously Angel makes me super happy, but I feel bad because I suck at communicating. He deserves someone who talks to him, and I want to be that person. Why do I suck at talking to him? I just like the quiet. He is my best friend. I try to talk, I need to try harder.

Monday, 9:51am

[typicalstarrr]

6/5/2022

Since the last time I was on here I have completed my second semester of college and now I am taking summer classes. I got all A’s last semester, so hopefully I keep that up. Anyways, I am only supposed to be talking about my day, so I went to the mountains with my boyfriend instead of going to the gym, and it felt really nice. We ate some sandwiches and there was a lot of people there. we have not been there in a long time, so it was a good experience to go there again. i was sweating so much, and he helped me how to properly breathe, it was so hard. he dropped me off, and now i am laying here watching the office bloopers. my mom wants to go to a nearby lake, but i am not sure if i want to go. i have to take a math test today, so i should do it soon, but i am not sure because i am tired. i will edit this later if anything else happens. 5:31pm.

[typicalstarrr]

5/5/2022

This is my second semester of college, and this is exam week. I have to do an oral presentation for english, exam for math, history, and biology. it is going to be stressful, but nothing i cannot hadle. i am on my period right now, i slept for six hours because my stomach hurt so bad. what made today great is that my boyfriend made me a sandwhich and got me some pain killers for my stomach. hehe he was so sweet. i am trying to lose weight, and so far it is not that bad. update tomorrow 

[typicalstarrr]

4/29/2022

Still have not said what I was going to do.. But im here today.. today was a pretty good day.. i guess. if you count the point where me and my boyfriend almost broke up. for some reason i cant seem to get over things that are going on in my life, and i take it out on him. he got to the point where he was tired and left. i told myself.. i can live without him,  but deep down i really cant. its extremely hard to express my emotions and i just take out all my anger on him. i cant do it without him. i need his huges, his kisses. everything. we went to the gym, but no kiss.. nothing. it felt off. at that point i wanted to break up, but when we did.. i didnt want to. i realized i want to be with him, but its so hard being happy with myself. i want all these things, but i am not doing anything to get me there. i cant stop binge eating, and idk what its going to take for me to lose weight. im happy were together and okay now. im just chilling contemplating on doing this bio work. i want to be happy with myself, but it seems to be only if i lose the weight.. which is sad, but i want too.. but the thing is.. it is difficult.. i will update hopefully tomorrow. 

4/29/2022 7:17pm

[typicalstarrr]

4/14/2022

forgot to do a yesterdays update, but i have to write a history on opioids and ugh.. why cant i just do it? i am so ready for english to be over. i was like hmmm maybe i enjoy english, but lowkey i am ready to never do it again. hopefully i will finish off with an A, i mean i hope so. i am so hard on myself when it comes to grades. i just think i am perfect and can get all A’s, but i know next semester it will practically be impossible. anyways, idk how i am feeling. have not eaten any fast food, so that is good. i am trying to lose weight, but it is so hard. i just love eating. i saw a video today on a woman in medical school, and i hope i can make it. what if i am not meant to be in the medical field.. can anyone do it? am i not capable? i hate it here sometimes. i feel like i am a failure, but this is my only second year in college. i hope one day i will be extremely happy and not be dissapointed in myself all the time. it is because i judge myself solely based off my grades. if i dont have perfect A’s i believe i am a failure. i need to take that mindset out of my head. anyways, will update later.

4/14/2022 1:02pm

[typicalstarrr]

4/12/2022

it has been fourteen days since i said i was going to start talking about what i did in a day.. still failing. i almost drank a gallon of water today, and OH YEAH.. I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED LIKE TWO DAYS AGO.. with my best friend (val). mine did not hurt at all. i just have to constantly clean it. anyways, today i skipped class because we are in a week break. finally, i can get some rest. today i went with my boyfriend to the thrift and he got himself a cabinet. then w went to target, and then i dropped him off. i went back home, and ate some eggs. i think i binge ate today. i was with my mom for some time and then my little brother came back home, and hung out with him. today was a pretty chill day, i finally found my air pods, so that is a good thing. my throat is aching right now. 

over all: chill day

4/12/2022 10:07pm

[typicalstarrr]

ugh

Said I was going to start writing every day, and I already failed. Hey, but it is ok. I hope whoever reads this knows I am not trying on my grammar that well because I am just spilling my emotions. Anyways, yesterday I went to the gym and ate pretty good. My boyfriend’s mom was so sweet to make us dinner, but in a healthy way. She brought me the food and I sat there and watched my favorite streamer. Honestly his streams make me so happy and calms me down. I am glad I found his streams because his community is so positive. I still have a ton of work to do, so I will update whoever reads this later on throughout the day. It feels so good to type out my feelings instead of writing them. 

March 31st, 2022 /  9:24am

[typicalstarrr]

trying

hello, i told myself i am going to start typing everyday on here to see how life goes. today was a pretty good day, nothing out of the ordinary. i am trying to stay positive, and so far it is not so bad.. but this is just the beginning. i talked to my advisor today explaining my emotions, she helps a lot. after that i went to my boyfriends house and made healthy pizza. then i get a call from my mom to go with her to a store, so i went, and it was okay. right now i need to catch up on some assignments, and chill. over all: typical day :)

[typicalstarrr]

Hello

I haven’t posted on here since 2021, and it is so weird because I still feel the same way. Just wanting to be happy, stress free, and in need of help. I got angry today, and threw my keys, and wanted to rip my face off. I think I just get so angry with everyone because of my past, and I hate it. I do not know how to change. Hopefully I will be back to keep someone updated. Idk who, but if you see this hi...

[typicalstarrr]

i want to be happy and confident but i feel like that will never happen.. sadly

[typicalstarrr]

meh

i dont know what i want to talk about... sometimes i feel like i need help. i dont feel okay sometimes and thats ok but i have these moments where i just want to die and just crawl into a hole. sometimes i wish no one knew who i was so i could be alone.

[typicalstarrr]

sometimes I want to kill myself, but I dont have the balls to...

[typicalstarrr]

I’m going to be honest, I joined tumblr because of the elisa lam case... I just think its so cool typing and talking about your feelings and that no one is going to judge you for expressing yourself... for just being you. 

[typicalstarrr]

Sigh

I wish people weren’t judged for just being themselves.. Especially the beauty standard, I don’t even feel comfortable in my own skin.. knowing that I look the way I do. I wish I didn’t feel terrible after I eat a burger, feeling like I gained 10 pounds.