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did anyone else try to recover and ended up developing bed so you relapsed back into 4na? I'm losing all the weight I've lost before.

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hunger finally feels good again

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possibly unpopular opinion but i lowkey hate puking in a toilet, i’d rather puke in a shower or in the woods or something tbh💀

like the water just splashes everywhere and it’s messy and loud and just not very cash money honestly

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happy hardest day of the fucking year ✌️

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[after saying something completely normal] be honest do you think i should ever speak again

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The thing about bpd that aways puzzles me. Is that its never a “little bit” of anything

Its never just a little bit mad

Its never a little bit sad

Its never a little bit empty

When i’m mad. I’m always fuming

When i’m happy. I’m ECSTATIC. even just thinking about being happy, I automatically portray it by using all caps.

When i’m sad. It feels like i’m grieving

When I feel empty. I am a void

And this is my life? Over not being able to find the pen I just had?? Over my charger cord not charging??? Over, my favorite food not being readily available?? Over the leaves looking just so pretty in the morning.

JUST BECAUSE OF THAT? You cannot be serious.

But you are. Fuck you

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im not like other girls, my makeup remover is my tears, im very sad

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mutuals stop yearning and start openly hitting on each other and me.

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best coping mechanism i’ve got

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a guy who used to make fun of me for being chubby saw me for the first time in months and asked “you look skinny, have you been eating?” and i straight up said no lol. it felt so empowering for some reason.

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i thought i was happy. i thought things were getting better. but here i am, crashing again. i was just experiencing a high. i feel like shit and i don’t wanna be here anymore

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went to the psychical therapist today and he said he could tell i’ve lost weight🫡

he said i lost a good deal of muscle mass though💀

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i really gotta update this because i’ve lost like 20lbs since these photos were taken lol

well after many months of binging i’m finally coming back to ana. any advice is welcome to help me get back on track :)

also, these pictures are a couple weeks old but i haven’t seen any notable changes, i just recently relapsed so it makes sense.

p. s. i’m not new to this disorder, it’s been a little over 2 years now, not ready to recover

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How can it be that I am both

too much

AND

not enough

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bitches will be like "i'm fighting demons" and the demon is their own appetite

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so this was a lie💀

fuck bulimia. it’s gotten to the point where my brain feels bad keeping anything down, even safe foods. excessive purging has brought my chest pains back though so i want to stop. ana was so rewarding, plus i had so much more time on my hands since i wasn’t eating. yeah i’m still losing weight but i’m so goddamn wasteful. this ends now, i’m in control, not mia.

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what is going on-

i’m using old pictures of me at a higher weight as thinspo

what in the body dysmorphia-