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When you transition people tell you “it’s like watching someone die”. Like yeah a fucking loser died. Just the absolute lamest dude you ever met. A real dogshit guy just bought it. So sorry your absolute failure of a man is gone and has been replaced by a hot chick, must be hard for you 🙄

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IT FUCKIN YURI DAAAAAAAAAAAY

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something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

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everyone dunking on that automated fleshlight sex toy needs to remember that disabled people get horny too ok 💜

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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Sorry I keep posting about it but a Kennedy espousing eugenicist ideology towards disabled people and being like “Why are people in America suddenly neurodivergent and chronically ill?” is so darkly evilly hilarious. We can see your family tree and it is not looking so good from both a genetically inheritable mental and physical illness standpoint and a deeply dysfunctional human being standpoint.

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when you hit 26 your only options are kill yourself or keep on living . this also happens everyday

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“I can dig Elvis”

bye i feel like im in the 50s seeing my first ever photo of elvis rn

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breaking the news to everyone i know

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once i figure out how to unclench my entire body my life will begin

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breakfast of 2.5 coffees and a loose handful of very sour candy my body is going to invent a fifth humor

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Yeah, the doctors ran some blood work and discovered I was actually the Thing all along. No, I don't know if my insurance will cover it

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　　 a 　 a

　 a 　 　 h

　 t 　　 w h 　 　　　　 c　　k

　　T 　 　　 　 　 u

　　　 h　 ₑ　 F

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I cannot stress enough how important it is to do silly, frivolous things that serve no other purpose than making you happy.

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