upsidedowneye

[upsidedowneye]

HALCYON DAYS

pairing khaslana x gender neutral reader

in the quiet between resets, between the halcyon days of wheat fields and the inevitable pull of the vortex, there exists one fragile cycle where things are different. where you, who have always been khaslana's constant, now bear the weight of a coreflame in your chest.

for as long as khaslana can remember, you were there—steady, unwavering, a constant presence by his side. even back when the two of you were just children, playing knights and heroes in the golden wheat fields, pretending to defend a kingdom that hadn’t yet fallen.

you were always the one who took the role of the noble protector, a wandering hero from beyond the so-called kingdom, the one who stood firm even when the game turned too rough, the one who made sure no one got left behind.

and now, years later, as the two of you stand together in the ruins of the holy city of okhema, swords drawn against the relentless black tide that swallowed your home, he realizes some things never change.

and that’s the thing about you—you haven’t changed. not really. yes, you’ve grown taller, stronger, your hands calloused from years of gripping a sword. but at your core, you’re still the same person who would rather throw yourself into a fight for someone else’s sake than walk away. the same person who, even now, stands with your back straight and your shoulders squared, as if you could shield the entire world if you just tried hard enough.

khaslana is grateful for that, more than he could ever say. after aedes elysiae fell, after the three of you—you, him, and cyrene—were left with nothing but ash and survival, everything shifted. cyrene found solace in prayer, in the quiet halls of the temple.

you and khaslana? you picked up blades instead. but where khaslana’s path twisted with uncertainty, yours remained clear, unshaken. you were still the one who laughed a little too loudly at his terrible jokes, still the one who could read him like an open book, still the one who never hesitated to drag him into trouble if it meant doing the right thing.

speaking of trouble—there was that little tradition between the two of you. a deal, of sorts. if one needed help, they had to offer something in return. khaslana swears you invented it just to annoy him, but he can’t bring himself to mind, not when you appear at his side with that familiar glint in your eye, your fingers curling around his wrist before tugging him toward whatever chaos you’ve stumbled into this time.

usually, it’s because you’ve gotten into another fight. not for pride, not for glory—no, it’s always because you saw something unfair and decided someone had to do something about it. and if that meant squaring up against three drunk mercenaries in a back alley or challenging some noble’s spoiled son to a duel for harassing a shopkeeper, well.

you’d do it without a second thought. khaslana sighs every time, but he follows anyway. how could he not? you’ve always been worth following.

and as per tradition, khaslana’s cramped little room in the shared quarters was cluttered with all the trinkets and oddities you’d given him over the years—payment, you called it, for every time he’d helped you.

a chipped porcelain figurine of a knight you’d found half-buried in the mud during patrol, a polished river stone you swore looked like his grumpy morning face, a ridiculously overpriced pocket watch he'd been eyeing from the market that you’d saved up for weeks to buy. each one had a story, a moment where you’d shoved it into his hands with that stubborn look of yours, insisting it was a fair exchange.

khaslana was starting to suspect you made up reasons to ask for his help just so you could give him things. it didn’t matter if the task was as simple as boosting you up to rescue a cat from a tree or as tedious as drilling sword forms with you until your arms shook—you’d still press some little treasure into his palm afterward, your fingers lingering just a second too long.

and at the end of every month, without fail, you’d show up with something extravagant—a leather-bound book, a finely crafted dagger, things far beyond a soldier’s usual budget. he knew you skimped on your own meals to afford them, no matter how many times he scolded you for it.

"you don’t have to do this," he’d grumble, even as he carefully placed each gift on his shelf, arranging them like sacred relics with a smile on his face. but you’d just laugh, that warm, familiar sound, and tug him along to the next absurd adventure. "it’s not enough," you’d say, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "not after everything you’ve done for me, hero."

sometimes, the payment was simpler—his favorite pastries from the market, a steaming bowl of stew after a long march, the way you’d bump your shoulder against his when he was lost in thought. but today, when you perched beside him on the old wooden rails, swinging your legs like a carefree child, the question that tumbled from your lips wasn’t simple at all.

"how do you know if the person you like returns your feelings?"

your voice was light, curious, as if you were asking about the weather. but the words hit khaslana like a blade between the ribs. you were staring up at the sky, completely oblivious to the way his breath stuttered, the way his fingers dug into the wood beneath him. how could you look so perfect like this—sunlight catching in your hair, your brow furrowed in that achingly earnest way—while shattering his heart into a million pieces?

khaslana nearly chokes on his own breath, fingers tightening around the rail as he jerks his head down, staring hard at the ground like it might swallow him whole. think, think— but his mind is a mess of static, his pulse hammering in his ears. "w-well, umm..." he stammers, voice cracking like he’s fifteen again, "do they... talk to you a lot?"

he risks a glance at you from the corner of his eye—just a quick, desperate flicker—but the second you turn to meet his gaze, he flinches away, cheeks burning. stupid. so stupid. why did he say that? of course you talk to them. you talk to everyone, with that easy warmth of yours, but—

"yeah, we talk every day," you muse, swinging your legs idly, completely unaware of the way his stomach plummets. "hmm, but that’s not enough to say whether they like me back or not."

what? his head snaps up, eyes wide. who—who could it be? you weren’t close to anyone outside of him and cyrene, not really. you were too busy hauling recruits out of trouble or lecturing drunk soldiers about honor or—or—oh.

his chest twists. had someone else finally noticed? the way your laughter carried across the training yard, the way you always stood a little taller when defending someone weaker, the way your hands were always so careful when bandaging his wounds—

no, focus. he swallows hard, brain scrambling for an answer. what else… what else did people do when they liked someone? his thoughts spiral, but all he can think of is you—the way he memorizes the curve of your smile, the way he saves the last bite of his meals just in case you’re hungry, the way he’d throw himself into the black tide itself if you asked.

"well," khaslana presses, fingers nervously tapping against his thigh, "do they know your favourite colour?"

"yep."

"favorite food?"

"mhm."

"the way you like your hot chocolate?" his voice pitches slightly higher—too specific, he realizes too late.

you turn to him with one eyebrow arched, the corner of your mouth twitching like you're biting back a laugh. "yes?"

he doesn't back down. if you've been talking daily, then surely those are just... basic facts. right? except—except he'd always thought those were his details to know. the way you prefer your hot chocolate sweet, with a dash of cocoa powder on top. the fact your "favourite colour" changes depending on the season (but you always circle back to a particular shade of blue). even cyrene only knows half these things.

"do they buy you gifts often?" he asks, too quickly.

"actually, yeah."

okay. okay. that's—that's fine. gifts are normal here. polite. he'll just have to find out what they gave you last and get something better. maybe that engraved dagger you'd eyed at the market last week, the one with the ivory hilt. you'd pretend to scold him for spending too much, but your eyes would light up anyway.

"do they buy you food often?" he tries again, voice strained.

"yeah, they actually buy me food a lot."

khaslana's jaw tightens. fine. if they're going to play that game, he'll learn to cook. properly. none of that street-vendor stuff—he'll track down recipes from aedes elysiae's old kitchens, the ones you still sigh about sometimes. he'll burn or tire his fingers a dozen times if it means presenting you with a perfect slice of cheesy garlic pizza, still warm, just like you remember.

(he doesn't realize he's pouting. you do.)

khaslana grits his teeth, fingers curling into his palms hard enough to leave crescent marks. the question sticks in his throat like honey—too sweet, too telling—but he forces it out anyway. "do they... make you laugh often?"

and then he looks at you. really looks at you.

mistake.

because the expression on your face—the way your eyes soften at the corners, the way your lips part just slightly, like you're tasting something wonderful—it punches the air straight from his lungs. he doesn't know whether to fall to his knees and carve this moment into memory or to let the black tide take him now. this is the look of someone in love, and the worst part? it's beautiful. that warm, bright smile he thought was his alone now blooms for someone else, and when you laugh—light, effortless, happy—it feels like a knife between his ribs.

"oh, do they make me laugh, huh?" you muse, tilting your head. and then—

wait.

what was that? that flicker of—of shyness? the way your gaze darts to his, just for a heartbeat, before you look away, cheeks tinged pink? khaslana's throat goes dry. he wants to beg the titans for answers—let me be the one to make you look like this, or strike me down where I stand, he isn't picky—but all he manages is a strangled noise when you add, "but... is there anything else?"

anything else? if his heart wasn't currently shattering into irreparable pieces, maybe he could think straight. but all he has left is the truth, spilling out in a clumsy, desperate rush. "they—they’d notice things," he blurts, too loud, too raw. "little things. like if you’re tired, or if you skipped breakfast, or—or if your sword grip’s off." his voice cracks, shoulders hunching like he can physically shrink away from his own words. "...and they’d try to fix it. even if you didn’t ask."

the silence that follows is agonizing. khaslana wants to fling himself into the nearest chasm. why did he say that? now you’ll know, now you’ll—

but when he risks a glance, you're just... staring. lips slightly parted, eyes wide with something he doesn’t dare name. and then—

"huh," you murmur, that familiar playful smile tugging at your mouth. "didn't think you'd be an expert when it comes to this topic, hero." a pause. a tilt of your head. "and i've noticed that your questions are... well." your voice drops, teasing but soft. "they’re… exactly what you do for me."

khaslana’s entire body goes rigid. if the earth split open beneath him right now, he’d thank it.

oh, he is so cooked. his mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, brain scrambling for any excuse, any deflection—anything to avoid acknowledging what you just said.

but as he flounders pathetically, he catches it: the way your eyes crinkle at the corners, soft and fond, like you're looking at something precious. something loved. and just like that, khaslana feels something in his chest snap. his vision blurs—are those tears?—because how dare you look at him like that when he's this close to crumbling?

"but thank you for your help," you say, voice warm with amusement, and oh no, that's worse. "i think i know my answer now."

know your answer? his stomach plummets. are you—are you going to confess? to someone else? no, absolutely not, he forbids it—

but before he can even choke out a protest, you're already turning, hopping off the railing with effortless grace. you stretch, arms arching over your head, completely oblivious to the way his heart is currently attempting to claw its way out of his throat.

and then—then—you have the audacity to take his hand, your fingers slotting between his like it's the most natural thing in the world, tugging him down after you.

"c'mon," you say, like you haven't just shattered his entire existence.

khaslana stumbles after you, legs numb, soul halfway to the afterlife. he's not recovered. he's not okay. and yet here you are, leading him somewhere (to your mystery lover? to rub salt in the wound?), your grip firm and reassuring like you always are, like you haven't just ruined him forever.

you tug him toward one of the pricier food stalls near the square—the one that sells those perfectly golden-brown pastries filled with spiced meat, the ones khaslana never buys for himself because "it's a waste of coin" but always stares at a little too long when you pass by.

right now, he looks like he's just survived a battlefield, shoulders slumped and eyes hollow, while you're already digging into your coin pouch with that determined glint you get when you've decided to spoil him.

"two, please," you tell the vendor, ignoring khaslana's weak noise of protest. the scent of butter and herbs wraps around you both as you shove the still-warm bundle into his hands, your fingers brushing his just long enough to feel how cold they are.

"there you go," you murmur, satisfied when his face finally changes—the way his pupils dilate, the way his throat bobs as he inhales the aroma. "your payment."

he takes a bite, and the way his shoulders relax makes something warm settle in your chest. "thank you..." he mumbles around a mouthful, and you can see the tension leaving him, bite by bite.

"of course," you say, leaning against the stall. "it's only right, since you helped me with such a big question." you watch him devour the pastry, the flakes catching on his lips, and hum. "hmm, but that does look good though."

then—before he can even blink—you're suddenly right there, leaning into his space with that familiar determined glint in your eyes. one hand closes over his wrist to steady it while the other braces against his shoulder for balance, and before khaslana can process what's happening, you're taking a huge, deliberate bite right from the pastry still clutched in his fingers.

your teeth graze his thumb accidentally-on-purpose, warm breath ghosting over his skin as you pull back with the flaky crust crumbling at the corners of your smug smile.

khaslana makes a noise halfway between a gasp and a whine, fingers twitching where they still cradle the now-missing chunk of his snack. his face burns at the proximity—at the way your grip lingers just a second too long—but you're already straightening up with that infuriatingly pleased look you always get when stealing food from his plate.

the golden afternoon light catches in your lashes as you chew triumphantly, and despite himself, khaslana's traitorous heart stutters at the sight.

"how selfish..." he grumbles, but there's no real annoyance in it—just fondness, the same tone he uses when you "accidentally" take the last slice of his dessert.

(you’ve always done this. he’s always let you.)

you know his habits and vice versa, after all. how he’ll buy your favorite skewers on days you’re too busy to eat and "casually" snack on them in front of you until you cave. how he’ll sigh and produce a second portion the moment you reach for his, like he’d been waiting for the excuse to feed you.

now, you just grin, licking salt from your thumb before grabbing his wrist again. "c’mon," you say, and his breath hitches when your fingers slide down to intertwine with his.

khaslana’s chest floods with warmth as he lets you pull him along. this—this—feels right. the weight of your hand in his, the way your steps match his stride, the quiet certainty that you’d always find each other.

but then he remembers.

someone else gets this too.

someone else makes your eyes soften like that. someone else earns your laughter, your stolen bites, your relentless affection. the thought lodges like a splinter in his ribs, sharp enough to make his steps stutter.

(but it’s okay. it has to be. as long as you still reach for him—as long as you still drag him into your light—he’ll survive it. won’t he?)

૮ฅ・ﻌ・აฅ

fate was cruel. this was cruel. he shouldn't have opened his mouth, shouldn't have let the truth spill from his lips like blood from a fresh wound. he should've let you remain oblivious, let you keep smiling that bright, carefree smile until the cycle reset and wiped everything away again. but he was weak—so terribly weak—and now he had to live with the consequences.

he'd already failed you numerous times. first when you had saved him from being killed during the black tide engulfing okhema in that initial cycle, your body crumbling to the ground before he could even reach you. then again when he found you bleeding out in some forgotten alleyway, your fingers trembling as they brushed his tear-streaked face before going still.

he should've learned his lesson. should've stayed away when he saw you walking home from patrol that day, your armor glinting in the sunlight, completely unaware of the storm raging inside him.

but he didn't. of course he didn't.

he'd crashed into you like a drowning man reaching for shore, his arms locking around your waist with desperate strength. he'd buried his face in the crook of your neck, choking on sobs that wracked his entire body, and you—you'd just held him. like you always did.

your calloused hands had carded through his hair, your steady voice murmuring reassurances against his temple as you guided him home. you didn't even know why he was crying, you knew that he wasn't your khaslana phainon, but that never stopped you from offering comfort.

and then, perhaps because the universe pitied him, the phainon in that cycle wasn't there. some emergency had pulled him away, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet of your shared home. the space between you had felt charged, dangerous, and still he'd let you coax the story from him piece by broken piece.

"tell me," you'd said, your thumb brushing away his tears with that infuriating tenderness. "whatever it is, we'll face it together. we always do."

he shouldn't have listened. shouldn't have confessed everything—the cycles, the resets, your deaths. shouldn't have clung to you like a child, his fingers twisting in your shirt as he begged to stay wrapped in your arms just a little longer.

(it wasn't your fault. it could never be your fault. you were just being you—kind and steadfast and so painfully good. the blame was his alone for being greedy, for craving your warmth after so long without it. for loving you enough to break his own heart over and over.)

but now here he was, facing the consequences. in this cycle, you had chosen to take a coreflame and inherit a titan's divine authority—watching you shoulder burdens with that stubborn resolve of yours just so that you can help alleviate phainon's even if it's just a little bit (you do, a lot in fact), your spine straight even as the weight pressed down. khaslana was a fool. an absolute, wretched fool.

he’d spilled every secret to you that day except the cruelest one: that he was the one who reset the cycles, that he needed to carve the coreflames from your chest to stop "era nova". and now, standing before you, he felt hollow. his eyes, once so bright, were dull as tarnished silver, his expression shattered enough to make your own heart fracture.

"hey there, hero."

your voice was too light, too familiar. you rose from the windowsill—your windowsill, in the home you’d shared, where the sunlight always caught in your hair just so—and offered him that playful smile. but khaslana could see the tension in your jaw, the way your fingers flexed at your sides.

you knew. of course you knew. you’d heard what happened to the other chrysos heirs, and still, still, you stood there like this was just another afternoon. "long time no see. tell me, have you had lunch yet? there’s a new stall in marmoreal market—their skewers are supposed to be—"

"please." his voice cracked like dried parchment. "don’t make this harder than it already is." a shaky breath. your name on his lips tasted like ash. "i just… i need to end this cycle. this is wrong. you’re not supposed to be—i don’t want to—"

"khaslana."

you cut him off, closing the distance with that same confident stride that had always made his pulse stutter. he tensed, pathetic and trembling, but couldn’t look away. not when you stopped mere inches from him, not when your scent—warm leather and the faint tang of steel—wrapped around him like your warm embrace. "i need your help with something."

for a single, treacherous moment, light flickered back into his eyes. warmth pooled in his chest, sweet and fleeting as a summer rain. then reality crashed back in. he exhaled, long and slow, as if breathing could steady the earthquake in his ribs. "i don’t have time to help you right now—"

"oh, come on." you deadpanned, unimpressed, and oh, oh, how cruel you were—acting like this was normal, like he hadn’t memorized the exact cadence of your teasing. "when have you ever refused me?" before he could protest, you grabbed his hands, clasping them between yours. "just help me out one last time! please?"

one last time.

the words lodged in his throat like a blade. it wasn’t the last time—not truly, not when the cycles would reset—and yet it was, because this version of you, not his but is always, would be gone.

he wavered, the ghost of a thousand memories whispering in his ears: your laughter in the wheat fields, your fingers laced with his, the way you’d looked at him like he hung the stars. but mistakes like those had led him here—to this moment, where he’d have to tear out your heart to save a world that meant nothing without you in it.

"in return," you rushed, desperation bleeding into your voice, "i’ll give you the coreflame. no fighting, no pain. i’ll hand it to you myself. so just—help me this once. okay?"

it hurt. it hurt. to see you like this, to know he was the reason your hands shook. but you were right—he could never refuse you. not when you smiled, not when you begged, not even when the cost was his own soul. you were his first and only weakness, the flaw in his resolve, the crack in the foundation of every oath he’d ever sworn.

(and wasn’t that the cruelest joke of all? that love could be both the anchor and the knife?)

khaslana sighs, the sound carrying the weight of a thousand unsaid words, before his lips curve into something small and unbearably tender. "how could i ever refuse you?" his voice comes out softer than he means it to—a whisper meant only for you, fragile as the dandelion seeds you used to blow into the wind as children.

and oh, the way you light up at his words. the desperation in your eyes vanishes like morning mist, replaced by that brilliant spark he'd know anywhere. your posture straightens, shoulders rolling back with renewed purpose, and suddenly that smile—your smile, bright enough to rival the sun—is back where it belongs.

it hits him like a punch to the chest, this dizzying sense of deja vu. for a heartbeat, he's ten years old again, chasing you through golden wheat fields with sticks as swords, your laughter ringing in his ears as you declared yourselves protectors of a kingdom that hadn't yet crumbled.

then your fingers curl around his, warm and calloused and perfectly familiar, and just like in his visions—just like in every lifetime before this one, and in every lifetime after—you tug him forward without hesitation. toward danger, toward destiny, toward whatever adventure awaits. and khaslana follows. he always follows. because even knowing how this ends, even with the weight of countless cycles pressing down on him, being led by you still feels like coming home.

૮ฅ・ﻌ・აฅ

"two please," you tell the vendor at the new stall, already digging for coins before khaslana can protest. beside you, he tugs his hood lower, the fabric casting shadows over eyes that dart away the moment you glance at him. you roll your own eyes—some things never change—but the smile tugging at your lips is fond.

when you turn back, you catch him staring, that same quiet wonder in his gaze as when you were kids sharing stolen sweets behind the barracks. for a heartbeat, the years melt away. the war, the cycles, the weight of what's to come—none of it exists. there's just you, him, and the sizzle of meat on the grill.

"here you go," you say, pressing one skewer into his hand. the scent of spices and seared fat curls between you, but his fingers barely close around the stick. his expression darkens, that familiar unease settling over his features like stormclouds.

"i... don't feel particularly hungry right now."

you hum, considering, before shrugging. "then i guess i'm not eating either. feels rude to chow down while you just watch."

"no, you should eat," he insists immediately, brows knitting. "you haven't had lunch yet, have you?" the concern in his voice is so him—so painfully earnest—that your smile softens. you really are terrible, aren't you? playing on his worry like this.

"but i want to eat with you," you counter, bumping your shoulder against his. "so if you're not hungry yet, i'll wait."

the look he gives you is downright tragic, all pouting lips and wounded eyes, like a kicked puppy being told he can't go outside yet. you bite your cheek to keep from laughing. "you... this is cheating," he mutters, but there's no real heat behind it. just that same resigned affection he's always had for your antics.

victory is sweet. you laugh, tangling your fingers with his again—his palm warm against yours, his pulse a frantic rabbit-run under your thumb—and tug him toward your usual haunt. he follows, of course. he always does. by the time you reach the wooden rails of your "scheming spot," he's already taken a bite, the way his face lights up at the taste sending a stupid rush of pride and warmth through your chest.

the view of kephale stretches out in front of you both—a fractured masterpiece of stone, where sunlight catches on every jagged edge of the titan. but khaslana's gaze isn't fixed on the ruins. he's drinking in everything: the way the afternoon light turns the city walls golden, the cloudless blue of the sky stretching endlessly above, the distant shrieks of children chasing each other through the plaza.

he catches snippets of gossip floating up from the market, merchants calling out their wares with practiced charm, the rhythmic clang of a blacksmith's hammer. yet his attention keeps circling back to you—always you—as if trying to memorize details his heart hasn't already carved into its walls.

this moment. this stolen breath between tragedies. your shoulder pressed against his, steady as bedrock. the way you hum around a mouthful of food, eyes crinkling at something happening below. the comfortable silence that's always existed between you, needing no words. it's a scene he's replayed countless times behind closed eyelids, when the weight of the world becomes too much and he needs to remember that joy still exists somewhere.

and isn't that the cruelest truth? in every memory worth keeping, in every moment he retreats to when the darkness presses too close—you're there. laughing in the wheat fields. shoving his shoulder after a bad joke. standing vigil beside him when the nightmares come. even now, with the end looming over you both, you remain his constant. his compass. his light. his dawn.

(he doesn't realize he's staring. doesn't realize his fingers have tightened around the skewer until the wood creaks in protest. all he knows is that he wants to remember the exact shade of your smile in this light before he has to wait decades to see you again.)

"it was good, right?" you nudge your shoulder against khaslana's with practiced ease, leaning into his space like you've done a thousand times before—just to tease, just to feel him stiffen before inevitably giving in.

except this time, he doesn't tense. he just... melts into the contact, tilting ever so slightly toward you until your warmth bleeds through the fabric of his cloak. his quiet nod is barely more than a dip of his chin, but you feel it where you're pressed together.

"anyway... what did you need help with?" his voice comes out softer than he means it to, already shifting to accommodate your weight as you slump more comfortably against him, back to his shoulder. it's second nature by now—the way his arm lifts just enough to brace behind you, the angle of his shoulders adjusting to become your support. like his body remembers this dance even when his mind is screaming to pull away before he hurts you.

"oh, right. well," you tip your head back until it rests against his, staring up at the sky where clouds drift lazily across the blue. your arms cross over your chest, fingers tapping an absent rhythm against your elbows. "remember when i asked you that time about how i'd know if someone liked me back? years ago?"

yes. the word lodges in his throat like broken glass. for you, it's only been a few years. for him, it's been decades. decades of two cycles stretching between that conversation and this moment, each one filled with him trying—and failing—to show you what you mean to him without tipping his hand, no matter how desperately he wanted to. he'd spent every day after that question bracing for the moment you'd bring someone home, smiling that proud smile as you introduced them as yours. (it never came. you never mentioned them again. somehow, that was worse.)

"yes," he manages, staring hard at his hands where they've fisted in his pants. the fabric wrinkles under his grip, but he can't make himself let go. not when his chest feels this tight. how could he forget?

"good." you exhale sharply through your nose, a sound he's learned means you're steeling yourself. "because i need you to help me get it through his thick skull that i've liked him for ages."

the deja vu hits like a punch to the gut. his ribs splinter all over again, the ache so familiar he could map its edges in the dark. "why not just tell him?" he mutters, staring at the cracks in the stone beneath your feet. "you don't need my help for that." please. please don't make me watch this.

"it's not that simple." you pull away suddenly, and the loss of your warmth is a physical wound. when he risks a glance up, you're studying the skyline, jaw set in that stubborn line he knows too well. "i don't think that idiot would get it even if i spelled it out for him." your laugh is quiet, almost fond, but it does nothing to ease the knot in his chest.

khaslana swallows around the lump in his throat. "you still haven't told me who it is."

you look at him then—really look at him—and there's something in your eyes he can't name before you turn away with a sigh. "you'll find out when i tell him," you murmur, propping your elbow on your knee and resting your cheek in your palm. the sunlight catches in your lashes, turning them gold. "so? any romantic ideas for confessing to your lifelong crush, oh great hero of mine?"

the title still sends his heart stuttering against his ribs - that foolish, hopeful flutter that never fades no matter how many lifetimes pass, no matter how many variations of your voice calling him "hero" echo in his memories. it's pathetic, really, how his pulse trips over itself every single time, how warmth blooms beneath his skin like the first rays of dawn after a long winter. he ducks his head before you can see the way his lips twitch upward, fingers picking absently at a loose thread on his sleeve as he feigns contemplation.

"i mean," he mumbles, shoulders lifting in a half-hearted shrug, "you could... do the swing method?" the suggestion comes out more question than statement, tinged with the self-deprecating awareness that he's absolutely terrible at this.

your laughter rings out bright and clear, the sound weaving through the air like wind chimes on a summer breeze. khaslana can't help the way his gaze snaps up to watch you, can't stop the smile that tugs at his lips as he commits this moment to memory—the crinkles at the corners of your eyes, the way your nose scrunches up just slightly, the sunlight catching in your hair like liquid gold. if the universe demanded he forget every other memory, he'd cling to this one with both hands until his fingers bled.

"that," you manage between breathless breaths, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand, "sounds exactly like something you'd do." the teasing lilt in your voice is familiar as your own heartbeat, accompanied by that fond look that always makes his chest ache.

(he doesn't mention that he knows exactly how the swing method works because he'd planned to use it himself, once upon a time. doesn't confess that he'd spent weeks practicing the perfect confession speech to deliver while pushing you on a swing he'd have made himself, with ribbons of your favourite colour and little charms attached to it that signified 'happiness' and 'eternal love'. some dreams are better left unspoken.)

"hmm, what else?" you hum, tapping a finger against your chin after your laughter finally subsides. there's a thoughtful pause before you glance at him sideways, that familiar determined glint in your eyes softening into something more hesitant. "what if," you start, watching his reaction carefully, "i tried writing a love note with pomegranate seeds?"

khaslana's eyes flutter shut without thinking. the image comes too easily—you hunched over a table, brow furrowed in concentration as you painstakingly arrange each ruby-red seed, muttering complaints when they refuse to stay in place. he can almost hear the exasperated huff you'd make when the peel tears unevenly, see the way you'd stubbornly start over despite the juice staining your fingertips.

the chuckle slips out before he can stop it, warm and fond. no, he thinks, you shouldn't have to work so hard. if it were him, he'd spend hours crafting the perfect message, carving each word with care until his hands ached—until it was worthy of you.

"not a good idea, huh?" you ask, and when he opens his eyes, you're watching him with that tilted-head look of yours, cheek still cradled in your palm. sunlight filters through the clouds above, dappling patterns across your face that he wants to trace with his fingers.

"i'm sure they'll love whatever you do," he murmurs, but the words taste like ash on his tongue. you make a face, clearly unsatisfied, and before he can say more, you're swinging your legs off the railing with that effortless grace he could never replicate.

your hand finds his automatically, outstretched and waiting like it's the most natural thing in the world. and maybe it is—because despite everything, despite the centuries and cycles between them, some things never change. his fingers slot between yours without hesitation, the callouses on your palm familiar against his skin.

you don't let go once he's standing. instead, your grip tightens just slightly as you tug him forward, already marching toward some new destination with that single-minded determination he's always admired. "oh whatever," you declare, waving your free hand dismissively, "i'm sure we'll find our answers in the grove."

the mention sends a ripple of memories through him—his teacher's voice, the weight of duty, the scent of damp earth and ancient stone. but when he looks at you, at the way your fingers stay tangled with his like an unspoken promise, the shadows recede.

he takes a slow, steadying breath, matching his stride to yours. it doesn't matter where you're leading him. it never has. he'd follow you to the edge of the world and beyond, as long as your hand remains in his.

(always. he'll always follow.)

૮ฅ・ﻌ・აฅ

what had started as research quickly devolved into the two of you curled up side by side, knees bumping together as you passed dog-eared romance novels back and forth. the hours slipped by in a haze of whispered commentary and stifled laughter, your shoulders shaking every time you encountered a particularly cringe-worthy line.

khaslana would never admit it, but he'd memorized the exact pitch of your snort when something was unbearably cheesy—the way you'd elbow him when a scene made you flustered, your cheeks warming even as you mocked it.

and though you teased every over-the-top confession and dramatic gesture, khaslana found himself cataloging them anyway. the way the hero knelt in the rain, the flowery monologues delivered at sunset—he'd recreate each one in a heartbeat if it meant seeing your face light up.

in another life, perhaps. one where his hands weren't stained with the weight of countless resets, where he could press love letters into your palm without fear of the ink bleeding through to something darker.

by the third hour, he noticed your attention waning. not for lack of interest in his company—never that—but the way your fingers tapped restlessly against the pages gave you away. "break time?" he suggested, and the grateful smile you shot him could've powered entire cities.

now, as you stroll through the quiet halls, he watches you stretch with the same careful attention one might give a sacred text. the way your back arches, the satisfied noise you make when your shoulders pop—these are things he hoards like treasure. "so," he asks, bracing himself, "have you thought of any ideas yet?"

"well, actually," you glance down, scuffing your boot against the cobblestones in a rare show of hesitation before meeting his gaze again. "i think i might just tell him." a shrug, casual as anything. "maybe throw in a poem or something."

khaslana stops dead. the world tilts. "so... you were just going to... tell him after all?" the words come out strangled, equal parts disbelief and something painfully close to hope.

you turn to face him fully, and oh—there it is. that smile. the one that crinkles your eyes just so, the one he's convinced exists solely for him. "well," you say, rocking back on your heels, "i originally wanted fireworks or some grand gesture. but after our very productive and very meaningful research session..." you scratch the back of your head, grin turning sheepish. "turns out there's no beating good old-fashioned honesty and pouring your heart out, right?"

khaslana exhales through his nose, the sound equal parts exasperation and helpless affection as a smile tugs at his lips despite himself. his brows lift slightly—this was so perfectly, painfully you. blunt as a hammer to glass, sincere to a fault, charging forward where others might hesitate.

the ache in his chest flares hot and sharp as he imagines some faceless stranger receiving what he's spent lifetimes yearning to give you—every fractured piece of love he's managed to salvage from the ruins of his soul, offered up like broken stained glass catching sunlight.

"alright," he murmurs, leaning into your shoulder with practiced ease, the teasing lilt in his voice belying the way his fingers twitch at his sides. "do you have an idea on how you're gonna go about professing your undying love?"

"actually, i do—"

the words die in your throat as shadow swallows the light above you. khaslana's body moves before his mind catches up—one arm hooking around your waist as he yanks you sideways, the other coming up in a desperate defensive stance. the black tide creature's claws whistle through the air where your head had been just seconds before.

"are you okay?" the words tumble out in a frantic rush as his hands fly over you, checking for injuries he knows aren't there but needs to confirm anyway. his palm cups your jaw without thinking, thumb brushing your cheekbone as his eyes dart across your face. "did you get hurt? was i too rough? i'm sorry—"

"khaslana!"

your voice snaps him back just in time for you to grab his collar and haul him sideways, the blade meant for his ribs slicing empty air instead. the creature shrieks in frustration, the sound like rusted metal grinding against bone, and suddenly the hall isn't empty anymore. creatures detach from the walls, from the rooftops, from the cracked ground beneath your feet—a dozen corrupted forms landing with unnatural grace as their hollow eyes lock onto you both.

"well, won't you look at that," you murmur, that familiar edge of battle-ready excitement coloring your voice as you shift into stance. your sword gleams in the dim light, its edge singing as you give it an experimental twirl. "seems like fate is on my side tonight."

khaslana doesn't need to look to know where you are—his body moves on instinct, shoulders pressing flush against yours as he covers your blind spot. the solid weight of you at his back is as natural as breathing, as steady as the sunrise after a long night.

"why in the titans' name would you possibly want a horde of black tide creatures surrounding us?" he asks, even as his fingers flex around his weapon's hilt. one slash. that's all he'd need to reduce these abominations to ash.

"so i can fight by your side," you say, like it's the simplest truth in the world, "and profess my undying love to you once we claim victory."

the world tilts. khaslana's head whips toward you so fast something in his neck protests, eyes wide enough to hurt. wait—what did you just—

"quit staring at me like that and fight with me, will you?" you snap, but there's no real heat behind it—just that same fond exasperation he's come to know better than his own reflection.

then the creatures surge forward, and there's no more time for questions.

the first one lunges at your exposed side, and khaslana moves without thinking. dawnmaker arcs through the air in a silver flash, severing the creature's arm before it can reach you. you don't even flinch—already pivoting to drive your sword through its chest, trusting him to watch your back as you strike and vice versa.

it's always been like this between you: his precise, calculated strikes tempering your bold, sweeping attacks; your relentless forward momentum covering the split-second openings in his defenses.

another creature leaps from the shadows, and you're already there—stepping into the space he'd just vacated, your elbow brushing his ribs as you move. the familiarity of it aches. how many battles have you fought like this? how many times has he felt the whisper of your cloak against his armor, heard the sharp exhale you always make when you land a killing blow?

too many to count. and yet, never enough.

a particularly large creature swings at you, and khaslana's there before it can connect—his blade meeting yours mid-swing as you both strike simultaneously, the impact sending dark ichor splattering across the stones. you grin at him over crossed swords, breathless and bright-eyed, and something in his chest cracks open.

he's missed this. missed you. the way you fight like every battle is your last, the way you trust him to catch you when you overextend, the way you always seem to know what he needs before he does. it's terrifying. it's perfect.

the last creature falls with a gurgling shriek, and suddenly the alley is quiet again save for the sound of your ragged breathing. you're still pressed shoulder-to-shoulder with him, your warmth seeping through the layers of fabric and armor between you. when you turn to face him properly, there's blood on your cheek and triumph in your eyes, and khaslana has never seen anything more beautiful.

"so," you say, wiping your sword clean with practiced ease, "about that confession—"

"it's really... me?"

the words come out shattered, fractured at the edges like broken glass. khaslana's voice trembles in a way you've never heard before, his eyes wide and shimmering with something dangerously close to hope. the sight makes your breath catch—this legendary deliverer, this man who's faced down titans without flinching, now looking at you like you've hung the stars in the sky just for him.

you can't help the laughter that bubbles up, bright and unrestrained, as you clutch at your stomach. your cheeks burn with equal parts amusement and flustered affection. "see?" you manage between breathless chuckles, "i told you the person i liked was a total idiot."

"but..." he swallows hard, hands hovering uncertainly in the space between you. "since when?"

"since the day you caught me when i fell from that tree."

the memory hits khaslana like a physical blow—sudden and vivid as lightning splitting the sky. a memory from the first cycle.

he sees it all again with perfect clarity: himself as a boy, small and serious, dragging his wooden stick through the dirt after another frustrating 'training' session. the fairies' stories of great heroes still fresh in his mind, their words about courage and destiny spinning through his thoughts as he wandered the outskirts of town.

if only he could acquire a weapon, even if it was just a wooden sword, then he'd be able to train properly. then—movement. a flash of color high in the old oak tree. another child, all reckless energy and stubborn determination, climbing higher than was wise.

he remembers the exact moment your knee slipped. the way time seemed to slow as you teetered on the branch. his body moving before his mind could catch up, feet pounding against the earth as he launched himself forward with arms outstretched. the impact knocked the breath from both of you when you collided, sending you tumbling into the grass in a tangle of limbs.

when the dust settled, he found himself staring down at you—this strange, sunlit child with leaves in your hair and dirt smudged across your cheek. your eyes had gone wide with surprise at first, then softened into something warm and delighted as you took him in. "thanks, hero," you'd said with that first, earth-shattering grin.

neither of you could have known then how that moment would echo across lifetimes. how those two simple words would become a promise, a prayer, an anchor point in the storm of cycles to come. all khaslana knew in that instant was that he wanted—needed—to keep being worthy of that title. worthy of you.

khaslana's heart swells until he thinks it might burst, each frantic beat echoing through his ribs like war drums. his hand flies to his chest, fingers clutching at the fabric over his heart as if he could physically steady the storm inside. tears spill over before he can stop them, tracking hot paths down his cheeks that he's powerless to halt.

"woah, are you okay?" your voice wraps around him like sunlight as you close the distance between you. calloused palms cradle his face with a tenderness that undoes him completely, thumbs brushing away his tears with infinite care. he melts into your touch without hesitation—leaning into your hands like a flower turning toward the sun, his lashes fluttering as he blinks rapidly, desperate to clear his vision.

he needs to see you. needs to memorize every detail of this moment—the way your brows knit together in concern, the soft part of your lips, the warmth of your skin against his. when his fingers find yours, they're trembling, but he holds on tight, anchoring himself to you.

you chuckle, the sound warmer than any hearthfire, and he feels the vibration of it where your foreheads nearly touch. "gosh," you murmur, voice laced with amusement, "i didn't think you'd cry like this. i still haven't even properly confessed yet." your thumb traces the curve of his cheekbone, so gentle it makes his breath catch. "how many cycles were there where we got to confess our feelings?"

the question sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing through him. khaslana ducks his head, suddenly sheepish, peering up at you through damp lashes with the full force of his most devastating puppy-eyed look. "this is the first one..." he admits in a whisper so soft it's nearly lost between you, his fingers tightening around yours like he's afraid you'll vanish if he lets go.

your entire body locks up at his confession, muscles tensing like a bowstring drawn too tight. for three heartbeats, the world stops spinning. then—"what?!" the word explodes from your lungs with enough force to startle birds from nearby rooftops, your hands flying to grip his shoulders. "this is the first cycle where we actually confess?!"

khaslana nods, those damn puppy eyes somehow growing even more potent as fresh tears cling to his lashes. the sight would be adorable if your brain wasn't currently short-circuiting with a much more pressing realization. "wait so—" your voice pitches upward, fingers tightening in the fabric of his cloak, "did we die as virgins?!"

the question lands between them like a lit firework. khaslana's breath hitches—once, twice—before his composure shatters completely. laughter bursts from his chest, raw and unfiltered, the kind that makes his ribs ache and his vision blur. he doubles over, shoulders shaking, as centuries—cycles—of tension pour out of him all at once. for the first time in countless lifetimes, the weight of the world doesn't crush him. there's just this moment. just you. just the absurdity of it all.

"khaslana!" you swat at his arm, but there's no real heat behind it. "this is no laughing matter!" your voice cracks on the last syllable, torn between outrage and the infectious joy of hearing him laugh like this. "what do you mean i lived a life of celibacy?!"

he can't answer. not when every time he tries to catch his breath, another wave of giggles overtakes him. instead, he drags you into his arms, burying his face in the curve of your neck as his body continues to tremble with mirth. you keep grumbling, of course—something about romantic incompetence and wasted opportunities—but your hands come up to clutch at his back anyway, holding him just as tight.

and if your grip borders on desperate, if your fingers press hard enough to leave bruises—well. neither of you mention it. not when the alternative is letting go. not when you can still feel the ghost of all those cycles where his eyes held no light at all.

(you'll hold onto this version of him for as long as the universe allows. you just pray it'll be longer than a moment. but a deal is a deal.)

for one fragile, stolen moment, the two of you exist in a world of your own making. his arms around you feel like the only solid thing left in the universe, your foreheads pressed together as if you could fuse your souls through sheer willpower.

the scent of him—steel and something faintly sweet, like sun-warmed honey—fills your lungs as you breathe him in, memorizing the way his heartbeat thrums against your chest. you want to stay like this forever, wrapped in this quiet pocket of time where nothing exists but the warmth of his hands on your back and the soft puffs of his breath against your skin.

but the universe has never been kind to either of you.

your eyes flutter open against your will, drawn upward to the sickly glow of the fractured sky. your jaw clenches so tight it aches as you force out the question that's been clawing at your throat: "how long do we have?"

the silence stretches between you, filled only with the sound of his shaky exhale. you can feel him committing this to memory—the weight of you in his arms, the way your fingers clutch at his shirt, the exact cadence of your breathing. when he finally speaks, his voice is muffled against your neck, lips brushing your skin with every word: "one more day."

of course. one more day. because khaslana has always been too softhearted for his own good, dragging things out until the last possible second, unable to bear the thought of hurting you a moment sooner than necessary. the sigh that escapes you is equal parts fond and resigned.

you pull back just enough to see his face, and your resolve nearly crumbles. his eyes are red-rimmed and shining, lips pressed into a thin line as he tries—and fails—to keep his composure. you're still so close you can kiss his tears away, your hands resting on his waist while his arms remain loosely draped around you, as if he can't bear to let go completely.

(for him. you have to do this for him.)

with every ounce of love burning in your chest—brighter than any coreflame could ever hope to be—you smile at him. that same smile he's carried across countless lifetimes, the one that crinkles your eyes just so and makes his foolish heart stutter against his ribs. "well," you say, voice steadier than your trembling hands, "a deal's a deal. thank you for helping me once again, hero."

you step back before he can protest, palm raised to stop him from following. it shakes—you both know it does—but neither of you acknowledge it. there are a thousand things you want to say, a million promises clawing at your throat, but the time for words has passed.

the chuckle that escapes you is weak, watery, but still so unmistakably you. "just as i promised," you murmur, fingers hovering over your sternum, "i'll hand over the coreflame to you, khaslana." then—before either of you can hesitate—you plunge your hand into your chest with a gut-wrenching groan.

khaslana flinches like the pain is his own, head jerking away on instinct. he's seen this too many times, watched you shatter in too many ways, and yet—he forces himself to look. to memorize the curve of your lips, the stubborn set of your jaw, the way your eyes never leave his even as your body begins to fray at the edges. he owes you that much.

"you know," you gasp, fingers curling around the glow inside your ribs, "i wouldn't mind if you did the swing method on me." golden blood trickles from the corner of your mouth, but your grin never wavers.

something in khaslana breaks. tears spill over without permission, streaking down his cheeks in hot, relentless streams. not now. not when he'd just gotten you back.

"though," you continue, voice growing fainter, "i have a feeling i'll mess it up somehow." the affection in your gaze could power entire kingdoms, could rewrite the stars themselves. then—with one final, shuddering pull—you wrench the coreflame free.

your triumphant smile is the last coherent thought he has before you're shoving the glowing core into his shaking hands. "i hope," you whisper, pressing closer as his sobs fracture the air between you, "in the next cycle, and every one after... you'll kiss me first. and let me have the chance to say 'i love you'."

"i promise," he chokes out, fingers scrambling to clutch at your disintegrating form. "i swear it—every lifetime, every cycle, i'll—" his voice cracks, raw with devotion. "i'll court you properly. take you on dates. read you terrible poetry at sunrise. anything—everything—just—"

"good." your laugh is barely more than a breath, but it settles in his bones all the same. "and since i'm so selfish—"

you surge forward before he can react, one hand fisting in his cloak while the other cradles his jaw with devastating tenderness. the kiss is messy—all clashing teeth and salt-stained lips, your blood on his tongue and his tears on your cheeks. he kisses you like a dying man granted one last miracle, fingers digging into your hips hard enough to bruise if you weren't already slipping through them.

you taste like home. like every sunrise he's ever woken up to, every battlefield he's ever survived, every prayer he's ever whispered into the dark. and when you pull away—too soon, never enough—your lips are still curved in that damnable smile even as your body dissolves into golden embers.

"see you tomorrow, my hero." you murmur against his mouth, and then—

you're gone.

khaslana collapses to his knees, the weight of the coreflame in his hands nothing compared to the crushing absence where you should be. his fingers tremble around its glow, clutching it to his chest like he could somehow press it back into the hollow space beneath his ribs where you belong. the sobs come then—great, heaving things that tear through him with enough force to bruise, his forehead pressing into the dirt still warm from where you'd stood moments before.

"i promise," he chokes out between ragged breaths, the words scraping his throat raw. "i swear on every star, every cycle, every broken piece of this damned world—" his voice cracks, splintering like the earth beneath his knees. "next time, i'll love you properly. no more hiding. no more waiting." the coreflame pulses against his palm, its light catching on the tears dripping steadily onto the ground. "i'll tell you every day. i'll kiss you at every dawn, hold you through every nightmare, fight for you in every lifetime. i promise you that, dawnlight."

a shudder wracks his frame as he presses his lips to the glowing ember, your name a prayer and a plea and a promise all at once. the taste of salt and smoke lingers on his tongue, bitter and sweet in equal measure. somewhere, in some distant future where the cycle begins anew, he'll find you again. he'll love you louder this time. love you enough for all the lifetimes where he was too afraid, too careful, too late.

(and maybe—just maybe—that will be enough.)

i’ll admit, i’m almost afraid to check the word count on this one—turns out it’s 9.9k, which explains why it took me a solid eight hours to finish. it’s currently 7:43 AM, and yes, i did start this at 11 PM last night. maybe i should’ve slept instead, but the amphoreus arc has been living in my head rent-free, and the urge to write something aching and tender got the better of me. i haven’t written proper angst in so long, and my hands just wouldn’t stop until i’d wrung out every last drop of emotion. so, here we are. apologies for the pain—i did say i couldn’t bear to hurt phainon, but i just couldn't take it anymore. i needed to write at least one angst one-shot for him, so here it is. i'm too softhearted when it comes to him, so i tried to end this... not so painfully LOL this was entirely self-indulgent, born from a single daydream that spiraled into something much longer. no outline, no overthinking—just me chasing the feeling of a scene until it became this. that means some moments might feel raw or uneven, like glimpses into a wandering mind rather than a structured story. but that’s how inspiration works sometimes, isn’t it? you cling to it before it slips away, even if it means writing through the night with gethsemane by sleep token on loop. if you made it this far, thank you for indulging me. i hope you found something to love in this mess of emotions, even if it hurt a little (or a lot) <3 and props to the people who got the little references i included in this one-shot hahahah i have to confess—phainon's E6 eidolon has completely captured my heart. there's something about the delicate details in his design, the way the light plays across his features, that makes me want to just... take a BIG CHOMP. it's that perfect blend of ethereal beauty and overwhelming strength that i can't resist. i find myself constantly pausing just to admire the artistry whenever it appears on screen. his entire aesthetic resonates with me on such a deep level—i may have developed a tiny (okay, not so tiny) obsession with how beautifully his character was brought to life.

[upsidedowneye]

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ SAFEGUARD — dazai, chuuya, akutagawa

summary . . . they save you after you've been injured and captured by an enemy.

contents . . . sfw, f!reader (chuuya & dazai) and gn!reader (akutagawa), violence / blood, threats, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, established relationship, and it's pmboss!dazai bc i can't help myself — 3.5k total

notes . . . i got this request so long ago lol. not my best work, but i have been in the worst writing slump ever and just wanted to finish something. i've also never written for akutagawa before so pls be nice <3

𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 . . .

there are very few times that chuuya feels he’s been outsmarted. he knows he’s not the mastermind of the port mafia, but he certainly isn’t a fool. when it comes to you and your well-being, though, his mind short-circuits, half of his intelligence draining away while his emotions take hold. 

your relationship isn’t a secret to anyone in the port mafia, which means that it isn’t a secret to your enemies either. and while most people know it’s hard to land a finger on chuuya directly, his pretty little girlfriend doesn’t have the power of a god nestled inside of her.

the rage sparks through him, growing fiercely into the blaze of a forest fire, until all he can think of is getting you home safely. he thinks of your sweet smile as he rips the door of the enemies’ base off the hinges, crushing it into a million pieces with the force of gravity. 

the men are quick to react, but chuuya hurtles the crushed door towards them, knocking three of them to their feet. another group charges at him, but their guns do little against his skill. after years of fighting some of the strongest ability users, simple criminal organizations are as easy to step over like ants. 

chuuya kills them all — except for one.

the man’s knees are wobbling, hand shaking around the gun as he realizes that these will be his final moments. there is fear in his eyes, brown ones that rest wide open, and chuuya almost hesitates. his remorse doesn’t last long, though, before he’s wrapping a hand around the man’s throat, thrusting him backwards. 

“where is she?” chuuya asks, voice sharp and commanding. 

he can feel the man swallowing. 

chuuya knows that backup is probably on the way, but it won’t matter whether they show up or not. he’ll crush the rest of his enemies just as he’s crushed the last twenty men. the poor soul in his leather hold seems to know that as well. 

“i-i’ll take you to her,” he rasps, dropping his gun to claw at chuuya’s hand. 

he drops him, lets him take a few heaving breaths and coughs, before he’s kicking at him, forcing him back to his feet.

the young man takes him up the elevator, weaves him through a hallway as chuuya leaves a scattering of bodies in his wake, not hesitating to kill a single man that gets in his way. there is nothing that can keep him from you. 

how fiercely and loyally he loves you — it drives him to near insanity. 

finally, with blood coating his face and his clothes, the young man enters a room, locked with a code, revealing you. 

chuuya’s rage is almost as blinding as his corruption, as he gazes at the sight of you. bloodied and bruised, tied up in a chair, so visibly harmed. his hands clench into fists. “get the fuck away from her,” he says to the man who seems to be monitoring you.

“what are you doing in here?” the men left in the room panic, but they don’t have time to react before chuuya throws them back at the wall, so quickly, with so much force, that their spines snap. they hit it with a sharp crack, skulls shattering against the plaster, the wall crushing beneath the weight of them. 

limply, they fall to the floor. 

chuuya rushes over to you. 

the young man that led him here disappears, but chuuya isn’t worried about him. he’s a coward; he’ll likely flee from the country and never look back. the men that truly hurt you are already dead, and he’ll burn this building to the ground once he’s gotten you away from it. 

“hey,” chuuya says, cradling your cheeks gently, trying to coax you back awake. he’s not sure if it’s exhaustion, blood loss, or the obvious head trauma that caused you to pass out in the first place. but you’re still breathing, so he counts that as a blessing. 

“hey,” he whispers again, kissing your forehead, like it will heal all your ailments. “wake up, baby. we gotta get you out of here, okay?” 

it takes you a few seconds to come to, eyes glazed over and shell-shocked as you blink at him. “chuuya?” you say; your voice is so hoarse it makes chuuya want to keel over and vomit. “is it really you?” 

guilt gnaws at him, almost crushing, at the fact that thirty-six hours passed, and you’re delirious enough not to recognize him. you probably haven’t eaten, either. 

he should’ve been there. no one should’ve ever had the chance to hurt you, yet…

“it’s me, i’m here,” he says, kissing your lips, your temple, brushing your hair away from your face. the strands are sticky with blood. “shit,” chuuya nearly shouts, pulling a knife from his pocket, sawing through the thick ropes around you as quickly as he can. “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry.” 

he can’t get you free fast enough, and you smile at him, drowsy, your eyes fluttering shut once more. “it’s okay, chuuya,” you say, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you’re here now.” 

“you have to stay awake,” he says desperately, realizing your head is still bleeding. he doesn’t know how hurt you are. chuuya’s no expert when it comes to medicine, but he’s smart enough to know that internal injuries could be even worse than the external ones. 

“stay awake for me, okay, honey? i’ll get you back to the boss and we’ll find you a doctor. you’ll be just fine.” 

“okay, chuuya,” you hum, weakly gripping his back. seconds of silence pass before you mutter, “i just want to go home.” 

"i know." his heart pulls, and he almost lets out a cracked sob. but he refrains, knowing that there is plenty of time to drown in his sorrows later. 

finally, he gets the ropes under, lifting you from the chair. you’re so much lighter, weaker, and it makes him sick as he carries you. “let’s get you home.” 

𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐖𝐀. . .

the call comes just as akutagawa is getting ready to head home for the evening, his tasks completed, eyes heavy with exhaustion. 

normally, he doesn’t stick around to say any goodbyes, sneaking off into the darkness of the night like a shadow, blending right in. but, something about the evening, so gloomy and drizzly with spring rain, feels off. 

with a heavy knot in his chest, so much different than an incoming fit of coughs, akutagawa heads back up to mori’s office, if perhaps to only ensure that everyone else’s jobs had been completed. he’s a lot of things, but he’s never been a slacker; and he’ll do what it takes to ensure that his position in the mafia is eternally secure.

though, he doesn’t have the opportunity to get all the way upstairs before he run into the boss, who is calm, but with an air of irritation clouding him. 

he explains the current situation to akutagawa in a clipped tone, bored — an enemy group has kidnapped you, holding you hostage. 

“how rude is it to bother a man, just as he is getting ready to go to sleep?” mori says, sighing histrionically.

but what is a minor inconvenience to mori sends an entire wave of dread through akutagawa, his entire body feeling as if it’s been dipped in ice. he can’t explain the horror that washes over him, not really, because he shouldn’t feel so panicked. it is rare for him to get worked up about the danger his subordinates find themselves in, save for his sister, of course. 

but you… you’re different. 

“can i trust you to diffuse the situation?” mori asks, impatiently glancing at his watch as if that will change anything. “i can call someone else, but they will not be so quick.” 

akutagawa doesn’t even think before he accepts the job, hating the way he sounds pathetically desperate for more details. his hands flatten the edge of his cloak, as if his ability is going to take on a mind of its own. 

he calls for a driver, calm but breathing so heavily that an aching cough rises up in him. his throat feels as if it may begin to bleed, but he swallows, glances away from the driver and gets himself under control.

there’s a ransom — bring them the money and they’ll return you, mori had told him. you’re only a lower ranking member of the mafia, and someone that makes for a pretty poor bargaining chip, so the motive is questionable. 

mori probably would’ve let you die, akutagawa knows, his teeth gritting together, so much so that a splintering sound comes from it. but the boss, in his infinite, concerning wisdom, seems to also know that his loyal dog has an soft spot for you. 

as regrettable as that may be.

akutagawa has no doubt that whoever the enemy is, they are no match for him. still, a twinge of anxiety settles in his stomach, fingers jittery as the driver, despite the decreased traffic of the hour, seems to drive impossibly slow. 

“are we not in a rush?” akutagawa snaps, leaning forward.

“apologies,” the driver, says, not daring to even look at akutagawa from the mirror. but the car speeds up, enough for akutagawa to be able to notice, at least. it cools the simmer that has already begun deep in his chest.  

even so, the car seems to go at a snails pace, minute upon minute flying by, with you in the clutches of an enemy. 

akutagawa doesn’t care who they are. he doesn’t care why, or how they captured you. he wants them dead. he’ll rip them apart, easily, and he’ll make them suffer — they’ll be alive for all of it, for every second that he peels the skin from their bones, ripping the smaller ones out of their sockets. 

what he feels for you… well, it’s too hard for him to admit to himself. he has no experience with what it means to care for another person, doesn’t even know if that’s his goal. he just knows he wants to protect you.

and he can’t do that if you’re dead.

finally, the car pulls up to an old warehouse, one at the very outskirts of the port, beyond the docks and the shipping carts. it’s tucked far back, an obvious lair for some villainous organization that doesn’t want to be found. 

akutagawa gets there, but there is nothing. he hears nothing, feels no signs of life as he trudges through the puddles left behind from the earlier rain. 

a small string of panic begins again, as he wondered if maybe the call that mori had told him was only a ruse. maybe this entire time had been a distraction, a way to lure him away. there are other skill-users in the mafia, but none quite as dangerous as him. 

though, he hears it, then. a small little sound, muffled and hoarse, full of pain. 

he ducks into another corner of a warehouse, and you’re there — bound with chains and a gag across your mouth, one of your eyes blackened with bruises, your nose bleeding. 

his heart aches. never in his life has he so quickly made his way over, used the sharp edges of his ability to shear through the chains, falling to his knees as he unbinds the cloth from your lips. 

“where are they?” he rasps, mouth opening and closing, hating the sound of his own voice. he recognizes his desperation, his anger, but the affectionate sound that clips at the end is unfamiliar, as he shakily pulls himself closer to you. 

you glance up at him, eyes glossy and wide, and though you are scared, hurt, he’s so thankful you are alive. his heart flips once, as you grasp at his cloak, the material that has the blood of so many staining the threads. 

“gone,” you say, throat chalky, words nothing more than a note against the wind. “they fled when they heard it was you coming.” 

“and left you?” he asks, jaw clenching, as he hopes that the emotions aren’t as visible on his features as he thinks they are. “were you not a ransom?” 

“no,” you swallow, hard, as if in pain. he notices bruises around your neck, the shape of fingerprints indented there. “i was bait.”

anger rises up in him like a wave, engulfing him, wholly and relentlessly. he is no stranger to that, like he is the kindness you show him, the way you look at him as if he is your protector, rather than a bringer of destruction. “i’ll go after them. where are they headed? they’ll pay, i’ll slaughter—”

“ryunosuke,” you say, reaching for him as he stands, expression pleading as he backs away. “stay.” 

he has half a mind to ignore you — the enemy escaped, after all. but your voice. your eyes… you look so small sitting there, bloodied and bruised and broken. 

“please,” you try again, near tears, and though he has never been good with obvious displays of emotion, something within him snaps at the desperation in the word. 

he nods, slowing his pace as he returns to you, lets you wrap yourself in him, cling to him. his hands fall, naturally, to your waist, somehow knowing where they belong, even if akutagawa never has a clue what he’s doing with you. 

“i’ll call hirotsu,” he says simply, before pulling out his phone, not bothering to untangle himself from you. 

𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 . . .

dazai is not a forgiving man, and will never learn to be. forgiveness is not a luxury he is often able to indulge in in his line of work, and his heart has hardened enough that until the end of time, those that are branded his enemies will remain his enemies. 

though, in his blackened heart, one soured over the course of time, you have carved out your own little space, lit it up with golden rays of light that are fiery enough to melt the stone casing of his chest. 

his only love — his only weakness. but it is a weakness that his enemies know about as well. 

dazai tries his best to keep you safe. he always has, and he knows that, sometimes, his grasp on you can be a little too tight. that the way he tries to keep you under his watchful eye can sometimes be stifling, frustrating. 

but he can’t always be there to protect you. and it is in times like these, that he regrets letting you go without a bodyguard. he regrets that he listened to your insistence that you could keep yourself safe. 

he should’ve at least told you to take a friend. 

“boss,” his subordinate says, bowing his head, his voice pleading, desperate. “i’m so sorry. your wife—”

“if anything… anything happens to her, you will be the one responsible, do you understand?” dazai says, his eyes cold as he glowers down at the man, only a few inches shorter than him, but feeling so much smaller. “i will personally see that this act does not go unpunished.” 

“of course, sir,” the man says, and he, at the very least, has the decency to sound resigned. to accept his fate and suffer the consequences, for allowing the boss’s wife to get herself into such a situation. 

and dazai means it, every last word; if he finds you in a state closer to death, anyone who put you in harm’s way will be torn apart from the inside out. he isn’t able to think of anything but bringing you home safely, his hands shaking with rage as he sends more than enough people out on a search to find you. 

with all the strings he’s able to pull as the mafia boss, it doesn’t take long to find you, for those that have bravely — or stupidly — used his wife as bait to come forward, and offer an attempt at some sort of negotiation. 

there’s little of the conversation that dazai remembers on the phone, even less that he remembers after that. the anger bubbles up in him and grabs hold of his conscience, the emotion directing his movements with a mind of its own. 

he’s already sent out every last one of his people into the field, ensuring that the organization that had the gall to threaten you is wiped off the face of the earth. deleted from every corner of the world, buildings flattened to the ground. by tomorrow, they won’t have ever existed. 

today, he doesn’t care what happens as long as he finds you alive. 

you’re held hostage by two men — so completely beaten that they’ve given up on any restraints. whatever they wanted from you, you seemed to refused to have given up, lip bleeding, eyes swelling so badly that you can’t even open them. 

dazai doesn’t hesitate before pulling the trigger on the first man, then turning to the other, shooting the hand that holds the pistol. the man recoils, shouts, and drops the weapon completely, as dazai lands another bullet to his knee, causing him to fall. 

slowly, dazai walks up, firing again to his other arm, a loud snap echoing throughout the room. the man winces, trying to crawl to the gun, one last desperate attempt to stay alive. 

he kicks the gun away, watching, as, pathetically, the expression in the enemy’s face changes — any of his remaining hope vanishes. 

“you told me she was unharmed,” dazai says, bending down, his coat flaring out behind him as he squats. 

the man coughs, gasping for air as the blood seeps out of him. “we lied.” he smiles cruelly, and though he shares the same sort of darkness as those in the port mafia, there is something even more twisted in his smile. 

dazai hums. “you the leader?” 

the man doesn’t give an answer, but the slight twitch of surprise on his face is all dazai needs. he’s no one — just a grunt whose life was put on the line to guard you. 

“didn’t think so.” dazai shoots him once, straight through the forehead, instantly killing him. but he is vindictive, angry, and the man he truly wants to destroy, the one who took you, is nowhere to be found. another bullet lands, tearing apart the flesh of his temple, then another, and one more, his skull beginning to cave in from the force of it all. 

dazai heaves, letting the gun clatter to the ground as it runs out of bullets, and then he realizes, all this time, you’ve just been watching him. the ugliest side of him — the worst side of him. 

you’re no stranger to it, of course. how can you be, when you’ve shared a life with him for years? but that doesn’t mean he wants you to see it, see how bloodthirsty he can become. 

he stumbles over to you, where you’re still sitting on the ground, your wrist in your lap, bent at an angle that he knows isn’t right. bruises are littered across your skin, and your hair is matted from the blood that pools at your temple. 

it takes every ounce of restraint he has to stay calm, a million feelings swirling under his skin. ones that he was never familiar with until he met you. 

“i’m sorry,” he says, taking your face in his hands so, so softly, worried that he’ll hurt you even more. “i’m sorry, darling. i should’ve — i should’ve been there.” dazai notices his hands are shaking and he balls them up into fists, leaning back. “fuck. fuck — i’ll kill them all, just tell me who it was. anyone who laid a finger on you. i’ll cut them down one by one.” 

“osamu,” you say, and your voice is raspy, cracking, as your unbroken arm reaches for him, squeezing his shaking hand. “i—”

you open your mouth to continue, but only tears come streaming down your cheeks, over your bloodied lips, saltiness soaking your jawline. no words don’t leave you, but a soft sob chokes itself up your throat.

“hey, hey, hey.” dazai’s voice softens, every muscle in his body relaxing as he draws you nearer to him, into his chest with a touch that’s barely there. “you’re safe. i’m here, okay? they’re not going to hurt you again, sweetheart.” 

you sniffle, barely making a sound, but he can feel the tears drop onto his clothes, soaking the material.

“can you walk? are you hurt anywhere else?” 

you hesitate for a moment before answering; he’s not sure if there’s a reason you only answer the first question. “i can walk.” 

dazai nods, and though the rage is still bubbling there, underneath the surface, there is a coolant streaming through him at the vision of you alive. the men who did this will pay the price, but he still has you — and that’s all that matters.

thank you for reading !!! ❤︎

[upsidedowneye]

Explosive Attachment Issues (and Other Occupational Hazards)

Superhero!Gojo x Vigilante!Reader

Some lovers ghost you. Yours shows up in court-mandated therapy wearing sunglasses and bad decisions; and you still can't tell whether you want to kiss him or kill him. Or both.

The first session is in a windowless room that smells like filtered air and artificial lavender. There’s a fake ficus in the corner. Shoko’s idea of a joke, probably. The walls are beige like defeat.

Your old nemesis walks in wearing civilian clothes and his dumb little glasses like he’s hiding from the paparazzi. His sneakers squeak on the linoleum.

“You’re late,” you say.

“You’re dramatic,” Gojo counters, flopping in the chair across from you like he owns the place. He doesn’t. Technically, Shoko does.

Silence stretches between you like barbed wire.

Dr. Shoko Ieri (cigarette-free for professionalism, tragically) does not look up from her clipboard. “Thanks for making time today. I know the new interventional justice program is.. ambitious.”

You both grunt. It’s the most polite noise you’ve ever made at the same time.

She sighs. “I’m not here to fix you. Just need to make sure you stop demolishing Tokyo’s skyline every time you get emotionally constipated.”

Gojo raises his hand. “That was one time.”

“That was three times and a rooftop sex incident,” you correct.

Shoko raises a brow.

You exchange a look with Gojo. Neither of you elaborates. You never do, not when it matters.

Session One; Introduction and Ground Rules

“Why don’t we start with why you’re here?”

“Court order,” you say, folding your arms. “He tried to punch my lungs out through my spine in public.”

“Because she blew up my car.”

You hum. “Technically, it was your third car. You named it, which was pathetic.”

Gojo gasps, indignant. “Suguru III was an Aston Martin.”

“Still pathetic.”

Shoko exhales, speaking as if reading off a script. She probably is. “And what do you hope to gain from this?”

“A ceasefire,” you mutter.

“A blowjob,” he says at the same time.

You don’t falter.

Shoko stops writing.

She’s going to need a sturdier clipboard.

Session Two; Emotional Vocabulary

“You betrayed me,” you hiss.

The words taste like copper. You spit them out anyway.

He scoffs. “You blew up my headquarters.”

“It was symbolic.”

“You doxxed me on the Jujutsu forums.”

“I was grieving. And drinking. In that order.”

“You changed the Netflix password.”

“That one wasn’t personal. You were still using my account.”

You both speak at once: “You left.”

The room hums with the unsaid, static crawling along your spine.

Shoko rubs her temples. “Okay. Now reflect back what you heard the other say.”

Gojo smiles. “She said she loves me and she’s sorry.”

You deadpan. “He said he’s emotionally stunted and gets off on playing the victim.”

Close enough.

Session Three; Shared History

You’re told to bring an object of sentimental value.

Gojo brings your old mission gloves. One’s still torn at the palm from when he caught you mid-fall off a crumbling overpass.

You bring his old cape. Burned. Half-scorched from the day you almost blew him up. Intentionally.

Shoko stares at the items like they might combust. You don’t tell her they almost did.

“I kept these,” he smiles.

You roll your eyes. “You never throw anything away. You still have my socks.”

“They’re comfy.”

“They’re spongebob themed.”

He ignores that, turning the gloves over in his hands.

“You always smelled like ozone after a fight,” he murmurs, soft.

You sneer, throwing the cape at his face. “You smelled like methane and a savior complex.”

The cape catches the light between you.

It used to mean something. It still does.

Session Four; Communication Exercises

You’re supposed to practice active listening.

He starts. “Sometimes I think about that rainy day. What I should’ve said.”

“Sometimes I think about it too,” you whisper, before adding, “Mostly how I should’ve aimed for your femoral artery.”

He grins. “Touché.”

You grin back. You’re both awful.

Session Five; Role Reversal

You’re meant to imitate each other. “Build empathy,” Shoko says, though the exasperation in her voice indicates she expects the session to go sideways.

He slouches in his chair, arms crossed. Puts on a sulky voice. “I’m a moral vacuum and I blow up buildings when I’m sad.”

You scowl. “That’s not—fine. Watch this.”

You puff up your chest, adopt his faux-heroic stance. “I’m Satoru. I’m not mad, just disappointed. And morally constipated with justice.”

He bursts out laughing. You try not to. Fail.

Shoko sighs and writes something down.

Probably “lost cause.” Or “codependent combustion.”

Session Six; Unstructured Emotional Processing

Which is code for no plan. No guardrails.

Just you, him, and a couch that smells faintly of antiseptic. Oh. And Shoko.

“You ever miss it?” you mutter.

“The fighting or my headquarters?”

You shrug. “Both.”

He says nothing. The silence grows teeth.

“You two seem closer,” Shoko drawls.

“We’re not.”

“We are,” he grins, leaning in, “she kissed me last week.”

“You kissed me back.”

Shoko has the patience of a saint, you’ll give her that.

“Is that healthy?”

Absolutely not.

Session Seven; The Incident

It happens fast.

You’re shouting; about strategy, or legacy, or who first said “I love you” and didn't mean it.

Then Gojo’s standing. Then you’re standing.

Then your hands are on his collar, and his mouth is on yours. Rough. Familiar. Desperate.

A kiss like pulling the pin on a grenade.

Perhaps he’s right about that. You do love blowing things up.

You shove him back a second too late. He stumbles. You’re both breathing like you’ve run a war.

Shoko is staring at the ceiling like she’s trying to astral project.

You fight in the parking lot after the session.

There’s shoving. Then shouting. Then biting.

You end up pinned against Suguru IV (the fourth car, not that you’ve been counting), neck bleeding against his mouth.

“Stop,” you pant, but you pull him closer. “Someone will see.”

He smirks against your skin. “Let them.”

He fucks you like he’s still furious. You fall apart like it’s muscle memory.

Session Seven; Boundaries and Moving Forward

You don’t sit next to each other.

He wears those tinted glasses indoors. You bring a water bottle just to have something to hold.

Shoko opens the session like it’s a landmine, voice dry.

“I want to acknowledge last week’s… moment.”

You both nod stiffly.

“As you know, we have about three sessions left,” she hums, “So I was wondering if the two of you have made any progress?”

“Regression,” you correct.

Gojo leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You could say it’s progress. Definitely not closure.”

You glance at him. “Does closure feel like this?”

He looks at you for a long time, then shakes his head. “No. Closure doesn’t make you want to ruin someone all over again.”

You exhale. “Good. Just checking.”

Shoko takes a sip from her mug. “I give up. Honestly, I’m just here for the health insurance.”

Session Eight; Anger Mapping

You’re each handed a blank silhouette. You’re supposed to color-code where you feel anger.

He colors the chest in red. “She broke my heart.”

You snatch the crayon and color in the fists. “He deserved it.”

Shoko motions to both areas. “Could you clarify the overlap?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “She also punched me there.”

You both start laughing.

“You’re deranged,” you snort.

He leans in. “You liked me that way.”

You push him back with a roll of your eyes, but your smile betrays you.

Session Nine; Imagined Futures

You’re asked to describe a version of your life ten years from now.

He starts first. “Married. Two dogs. No capes. Quiet.”

You blink. “You want quiet?”

“I want to live quietly,” he corrects. “Someone’s still got to yell at the neighbor’s kids.”

Your throat tightens.

You say, “I’m dead in ten years.”

Shoko jolts, alarmed. It’s the most expressive you’ve seen her.

“Old habits. Dangerous jobs. Explosives.”

He’s quiet.

Then: “I guess I’ll be there too. Just to piss off your ghost.”

Session Ten; Final Notes

The program is officially over. There’s an exit interview. You don’t have to attend.

You both do anyway.

“I learned that love is a battlefield,” he says.

“Did you just quote Pat Benatar in therapy?”

He doesn’t falter. “You taught me that.”

You roll your eyes. “I learned he’s an idiot. A predictable idiot.”

Gojo winks. You flip him off.

Shoko closes her folder. “You’re discharged. Godspeed. Try not to level a city block next time you flirt.”

You’re done.

He walks you to the elevator, and you shake hands like diplomats. Like enemies. Like something in between.

“So,” he says. “Dinner?”

You raise a brow. “Is this flirting or a trap?”

“Is there a difference?”

You think of the therapy sessions. The screaming. The violence. The kiss.

The way he still looks at you like he’d let you detonate his balls off.

You sigh. “I’ll pick the restaurant. You’re paying.”

“Knew you missed me.”

You lie through your teeth. “I didn’t.”

Dr. Ieri's Notes (Confidential)

Patient(s) Status: Discharged

Diagnosis: Horny and high-risk

Symptoms: Delayed emotional maturation Mutual obsession Erotic conflict projection

Prognosis: Catastrophically unresolved

Recommendation: Further monitoring Consider witness protection. For therapist.

[upsidedowneye]

Title: Worship of a Sacrificial Lamb.

Pairing: ???!Gojo Satoru x Yandere!Reader (JJK).

Word Count: 8.0k.

Commissioned by the very lovely @elsecrytt.

TW: Fem!Reader, Non/Con, Dub/Con, Nonconsensual Drug Use, Kidnapping + Prolonged Captivity, Physical + Psychological Abuse, Wildly Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics, Codependency, Suicidal Ideation, Mentions of Previous Suicide Attempts, and Blood. Gojo's Not The Yandere But He Sure As Hell Isn't Normal Either. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

You were sure, beyond the point of reason, that Gojo Satoru was an angel.

A guardian angel, actually. Maybe even your guardian angel, if you were going to let yourself be so sickeningly romantic. Even if you were going to hold yourself to some kind of distorted rationality, you weren’t sure how anyone could ever so much as look at him and not see an act of irrefutable divine intervention. He had the body of a marble sculpture – as if some great, ancient master of their art had taken decades aside to carve the embodiment of all things good and beautiful  – and a face any model would’ve killed for. His hair was the most brilliant shade of white you’d ever seem, purer than cloud and softer than velvet, and there was a special place in your heart reserved entirely for his lips – pretty and pale and so lovely that if you ever got the chance to kiss him, you weren’t sure you’d be able to stop.

Of course, his eyes were your favorite. Not that it was easy to pick a favorite part of Satoru – no, you’d spent long hours deliberating over the perfectly straight arch of his jawline and the slightly crooked bridge of his nose, the gentle slope of his shoulders and harsh angles of his hands – but if you absolutely had to, you’d say his eyes were the part of him you spent the most time thinking about, that you adored above all else, that would’ve wanted to keep for yourself if you couldn’t have Satoru as whole. The color of the sky and twice as clear, you could still remember the way they’d seemed to glow in the dim light of the deserted street where you’d first met, the way your heart broke just a little every time he blinked or fluttered those perfect snow-white eyelashes. If you could’ve, you would’ve liked to keep a spare set in a small glass jar – something clear and sturdy that you could carry with you whenever you didn’t have access to the real thi—

“...ma’am?” And then, leaning forward, flashing a perfect smile and snapping his perfect fingers, “I think I might’ve lost you, there.”

You perked up, nodding frantically before thinking better of it and, with a sheepish smile, shaking your head. “I’m sorry, I—” You paused, clearing your throat and taking a sip of your coffee before going on. “I’m just having a little trouble concentrating. You can keep going.”

That was enough to earn a breath of a laugh from your perfect Satoru, and immediately, you fell in love with him all over again. He mirrored you, taking a sip of his own drink (some awful, adorable type of frozen hot chocolate served half-drowned in whip-cream) before responding, his melodic voice akin to birdsong and rainfall and every other delicate, beautiful thing in the world. “I know it can be a lot to take in. For someone in your situation, especially.” What that situation was, you weren’t entirely sure. Still, you nodded and smiled like he’d said the most comprehensible thing you’d ever heard. “Just try to stay with me. I promise – curses are a lot less scary when you know what they are.”

His head lulled to the side, his perfect eyes lulling into something softened and dream-like, and just like that, he’d lost you again. It was unfair, honestly. He’d been the one to invite you, scrawling down his name and phone number on a scrap of paper with the excuse that he owed you an explanation, but you’d picked out your meeting spot (a café on the edge of business district, somewhere he’d never go on his own but that suited his preference to a T), made sure you arrived half an hour early to claim a table in the most secluded corner and order a drink you knew he’d like just in time for his to be fifteen minutes late. You were lucky, really. Anyone else would’ve noticed your starry-eyed gaze and giddy smiles and figured out that there was something deeply, deeply wrong with you, but not your Satoru. He was probably used to hero-worship, even if the thought of anyone else sharing the same connection with him that you did was enough to make you grit your teeth.

Now wasn’t the time for that, though. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts as the corner of his lips quirked downward – the closest thing to a proper frown you’d ever seen him wear. Whatever he might’ve gone on to say about wizards and invisible monsters was lost entirely as he trailed off, his eyes darting to either side behind the dark lenses of his glasses. “Sorry, ma’am, I think I—” With an uncharacteristic clumsiness, he pushed himself to his feet, nearly tipping over his chair. In your peripheral, you watched for concerned samaritans and curious onlookers, but came up empty. That was good. That made sense. It was a busy coffee shop during the late-morning rush on a weekday – who’d ever think to pay attention to the couple in the far corner? Even half of that couple was a deity in the flesh. “I think I need a second.”

It was smart of him – to make such a hasty retreat. He barely waited for you to give one final, enthusiastic nod before cutting through the crowd and disappearing into a unisex bathroom.

It was smart, but it would’ve been smarter to run somewhere you couldn’t follow.

Saliva pooled under your tongue, your fingers drumming erratic and involuntary rhythms into the table, but while Satoru might’ve been an angel, you had the patience of a saint. You counted down the seconds, nursing your coffee and occasionally checking your phone, until three minutes had passed, only getting up when you were sure you would’ve been seen waiting. Rather than moving towards the exit, you positioned yourself at the edge of the counter, flagging down the youngest barista – a mousey girl in her late teens, with an expression that said she’d do anything to be helpful and a shrunken quality that told you she’d do even more not to get in trouble. “I’m so, so, so sorry to bother you, but—It’s my boyfriend,” you started, wringing your hands together and keeping your eyes on the floor. There was a sick thrill that came with calling Satoru your boyfriend, even if it wasn’t true, but you were careful to keep your tone strictly apologetic. “He’s, uh—He’s got a thing about crowds, and he’s kind of having an episode. Is there any way I could get him out of here without making a scene?”

There was – an employee exit just next to the door to the storage room, one that opened up directly into a back alley that would’ve kept a comfortable distance between you and the main road. Her eyes lit up, but she made a show of looking concerned, of glancing to her smothered coworkers, before looking back to you. “Well, we’re not supposed to let customers—”

“Please?” You tried, and then, with a type of cloying desperation, “It’s kind of an emergency. He just really needs to get outside.”

It took a second, then another, but finally, she cracked with a muted sigh. “There is a backdoor – past the bathrooms and to your left. I… I have to ask my manager, but I should be able to leave it unlocked.”

You didn’t have to fake your gratitude. You bowed your head, mumbling ecstatic little ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’s as you turned on your heel and moved towards the restroom. You’d been prepared to pick the lock, but Satoru must’ve been more affected than you realized – he was already so out of it, he’d left the door open. You could only be thankful no one else had seen come in. You couldn’t imagine there was anyone in the world who could resist taking advantage of someone as wonderful as Satoru in such a vulnerable state.

Grinning to yourself, you shouldered the door open and stepped inside, shutting and locking it behind you.

Satoru didn’t make himself heard to find. He’d collapsed onto the faux-marble vanity, his feet still on the ground but his back braced against the mirror, one hand clamped around the side of the sick while the other struggled to form one of the strange, distorted symbols he’d used the night you met him. His half-lidded eyes widened when he saw you, his mouth falling open, but he didn’t move, didn’t make a sound. You couldn’t blame him. The sedative you’d used was strong enough to put a grown man under with a single dose, and you’d given Satoru enough to put a horse into a coma.

“Hey, pretty boy.” You took a tentative step forward, and when he didn’t react, another. His fingers twitched, but whatever he was trying to do was forgotten as soon as you took him by the hand, intertwining your fingers with his. “It’s not that bad, is it? You should just be a little tired.”

Again, predictably, there was no response. His perfect lips opened wider before sealing into an acute, adorable pout, and you drank in the sight like a man starved.

Cooing, you leaned in closer – placing your body in the space between his open legs and squeezing his hand before letting go entirely. Rather, you cupped his face, admiring the pink flush spread across his pale cheeks, the glossy sheen over those beautiful eyes. Suddenly, it was too much to take, and you jolting forward; your mouth crashing into his and your tongue pushing past his lips, his teeth. His taste was euphoric – caramel and cream and everything good and sweet and divine – but you didn’t give yourself long to savor it before you pulled away, dropping to your knees. You hadn’t meant to move this quickly, but you loved Satoru. You worshiped Satoru.

And no real acolyte would ever refuse to kneel in front of their sacred alter, if given the chance.

Disappointingly but unsurprisingly, he wasn’t hard. You let his jeans and boxers (the latter patterned with pure-white bunnies – cute) pool at his ankles as you wrapped a fist around his cock, pressing a kiss into the curve of his shaft. Like every other part of him, his dick was perfect – long and lean, with a slight left-leaning tilt and a few thin, ridged veins that you dragged you tongue over before taking the head into your mouth properly. Admittedly, it’d been a while since your last hook-up (and even longer since you’d cared enough about another person to put any more than a passable amount of effort in), but everything about Satoru seemed to come naturally to you. His reactions were limited to a vacant stare and the occasional, breathy noise, but soon enough, you felt him stiffen against the flat of your tongue, filling out your fist where you pumped lazily over his shaft. If it’d been anyone else, you might’ve been disappointed at just how quickly he went from soft to stiff to leaking thick beads of arousal, but not with your Satoru. Of course he was sensitive. Angels were supposed to be delicate.

Using one hand to brace yourself against his thigh, you reached up with the other and found his hand, still hanging dully where you’d left it. It was a bit of an odd position – trying to hold his hand while bobbing your head and doing your best not to choke on his cock – but you made it work. It wasn’t long before those little, breathy noises built into cracked whimpers and airy whines, before you could feel him twitching against the roof of his mouth. It was hard to see, given the angle, but when you thought to look, you could make out tears forming in the corners of his eyes, something new knit into his expression. It wasn’t quite distress – or, at least, not the kind of distress you’d been expecting – but you didn’t recognize it. That didn’t really matter, though, not if you were being honest with yourself.

It was coming from your Satoru, and that was enough to make it beautiful.

You moaned around him, and a pitchy keen slipped past his numb lips, his grip going vice-like where he held your hand. You swallowed him down to the hilt as he came, determined not to waste a drop of what you’d fought so hard for, before pulling back, a string of saliva connecting your bottom lip to his cock for a lingering second, then another before that connection snapped and severed you from him completely. Suppressing the urge to mourn its loss, you pushed yourself to your feet and pulled him close – pressing a kiss into his neck, then his jaw, then the corner of his lips. “Such a good boy,” you purred, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “My good boy. My perfect little angel.”

This time, Satoru did react – slumping against you even as his hand remained braced around yours. You took him by the shoulders, leaning back just far enough to see his eyes lull, blink, then shut entirely. He wasn’t unconscious - you could see a certain stiffness to his shoulder, a rigidity to his posture – but it was clear that you’d worn him out. You smiled, shaking your head as you raked your fingers through his hair and laughing as you found it just as soft as you’d imagined. “Think it’s time to go home, ‘toru?”

Rather than pull away from you, he seemed to melt even further. It was barely more than a whisper, but you made it out as clear as day. “…home?”

“Yes, angel,” you laughed, pressing your lips against his forehead.

“Home.”

~

He was asleep by the time you reached your car, and thoroughly knocked out by the time you got back to your townhouse – a modest machiya in a neighborhood that valued its privacy. Admittedly, carrying a man twice your height with triple your weight in muscle could’ve gone better, but you managed. There was a short list of things you couldn’t do for Satoru.

The sedatives had already proved less effective than you’d been promised, but still, you had plenty of time to get him into his bedroom, lock the titanium collar around his neck, and most importantly, change his clothes. You’d already picked out a new wardrobe for him – all whites and creams and soft pastels, nothing as harsh as the restrictive, black uniform he usually wore. Not that Satoru didn’t look good in black; you were sure he’d look breath-taking in anything! Even if he decided to wear, you didn’t know, an all-leather body suit, you were sure he’d—

…

You’d have to look into ordering a custom set. Preferably in white, but you’d settle for blue, if you had to.

You’d also made sure his room suited him, too. After making sure you had the bare necessities (deadbolts, bars over the windows, etc.), you might’ve gone a little overboard. You wanted Satoru to feel comfortable, so you made sure to work-in a few of the cute, soft things that reminded you of him – string lights and stuffed animals and plush blankets all the same color as his hair. You knew he was prone to migraines, but you couldn’t stand the idea of letting him put anything between you and those beautiful eyes, so you compromised with permanently low lighting and heavy curtains over his singular window. Entertainment might be an issue, since you obviously couldn’t give him anything with an internet connection, but—

You heard Satoru stir, and immediately, every logistic thought you might’ve had died and fell away. You’d planned to keep your distance while he woke up, but in an instant, you were perched on the side of his bed, your gaze fixed on his lax expression as he slowly woke up.

It was surprisingly peaceful – his slow trek back into consciousness. Long seconds passed between the first awkward stagger in the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest and the moment he actually opened his eyes, still glassy and unfocused with exhaustion. You didn’t rush him. It was all you could do to watch as he sucked in a harsh breath and pulled himself up, only to collapse against the headboard just as quickly. A hand drifted to his shirt, fisting at the alien material, then to the collar around his neck. He didn’t try to take it off, which was good. You didn’t want to have to resort to something so ugly so early on.

Finally, he seemed to perk up – glancing around his new bedroom, as if evaluating it. When he turned to you, you smiled, and Satoru remained blank.

You broke the silence. “Welcome home, ‘toru.” You swallowed back the temptation to tell him how happy you were to finally have him here, how long you’d been waiting for this moment, instead centering your attention on his needs. “Do you want something to drink? You shouldn’t eat so soon, but you were out for a while. It seemed like you could use a little rest.”

A beat passed, but eventually, Satoru shook his head – as polite as could be expected, given the circumstances. “…you’re the one who kidnapped me?”

“Mhm.”

“And you’re not a curse-user? Or working for the higher-ups?”

More made-up words. You decided to let him have his fun. “No, I’m not.”

“Why, then?”

Your smile widened. You’d been hoping he would ask. “You’re not dumb, Satoru. The day you found me—” Or, rather, the day you’d found yourself in his arms, barefoot and shaking, caught by a divinely beautiful stranger after taking a long fall off of a short building. The day you’d fallen in love with him. The most important day of your life. “I’m sure you know that no one actually pushed me.”

And, even if he didn’t, it couldn’t be hard to believe. There were only so many reasons a salary-worker would be on the roof of their office building in the middle the night, only so many reasons you would’ve left your heels and your coat on the same ledge you’d eventually topple off of. He’d been kind enough to get them for you, as you sat sobbing into your hands on the curb. He only pursed his lips, though, his eyes remaining perfectly lifeless. You took that as a sign to go on.

“My job is—” Terrible. Pointless. Soul-sucking. It paid well, and nothing you did was particularly hard, but the constant overtime and mindless pencil-pushing meant you had very little time for yourself and even less to show for it – besides the paycheck, of course. You couldn’t even say you hated it. You’d just been so ready for something, anything else, and it’d worked, in a way. You’d gotten Satoru. “—pretty boring. I’ve never really liked spending time with other people, and I’m not particularly good at anything aside from busy-work, so I really didn’t have a reason to stick around. But, then you saved me, and you were so kind, and so heroic, and I—”

You shut your eyes, curling your hands into fists. Not unlike a schoolgirl, too embarrassed to confess properly. “I love you, Satoru.”

There was no response, not at first. Internally, you panicked – what if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he didn’t realize that this was for the best? What if he’d rather die than—

“You…” His tone was light, airy, only the slightest traces of shock shining through. As if he didn’t believe you. “You love me?”

“More than anything.” And, just like that, you were spilling open. “I—I thought it’d be enough to keep an eye on you from a distance, for a while, but after a few days – after seeing how much you worked and how little you slept and how terribly you took care of yourself – I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t live without you, and, well,” You cut yourself off with a sudden laugh, only a little forced. “You couldn’t have gone on much longer if I hadn’t stopped in. Not like that.”

For a second, he seemed to regard you. It was strange, how hollow he seemed compared to how vibrant he’d been every time he’d spoken to you previously, but you didn’t mind. Not all gods could be cheerful ones. Even divinity had to be morose, from time to time.

Still, your racing heart beat a little faster when the corner of his mouth twitched into a slight, cocked smile. He didn’t say anything, but he shifted, reached out, tentatively resting a hand on your knee before bringing it up to your thigh, then your hip. After waiting for you to nod (which you did, eagerly), he pulled you closer – into his lap. You managed to keep your guard up for all of three seconds before he collapsed onto you entirely, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You melted against him with just as much pathetic desperation, grateful beyond words to have the distance between you finally closed. “Do you really mean that?”

“And then some. When you reached out to me, my heart almost burst with happiness. It was hard to believe you even remembered that I existed.” You nestled against him. “I meant what I said about wanting to take care of you, too. You shouldn’t have to worry about yourself ever again, not after everything you did for me.”

There was more, of course. Rules to go over, punishments to warn against, specifics to lay out, but he wasn’t fighting back, or trying to escape, and he was tucked so sweetly against you – it would’ve been a shame to move, let alone start listing off threats. Thankfully, tragically, Satoru ripped the band-aid off first. Slowly, he lifted his head, drawing back just far enough to dart back in for a clumsy, lip-bruising kiss. You’d already, technically, stolen his first, but there was a difference between kissing his limp body and feeling his lips move sloppily against yours. It was a fragile, immature connection – all scraping teeth and kneading hands and Satoru’s little, throaty moans, but you didn’t dare break it off until your lungs ached. Even then, you held him as close as you could as his hands fell to your waist, a thumb slipping under the waistband of your skirt and—

“Down boy,” you laughed, and Satoru glanced up, pouting. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but not so soon. You’re still in shock, and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

The impulse blowjob a few hours prior felt unnecessary to mention.

Satoru seemed conflicted. He was still in that sort of blank, softened state, but he let out a whine by way of protest. It was all you could do to sigh, kissing his forehead before going on. “Later on, ‘toru. After I’m sure that you can be trusted to behave.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to make love (‘fuck’ felt to crude, ‘sex’ too clinical; making love wasn’t perfect, but it was what you had) to Satoru. You would’ve done anything to take care of him, anything to keep him happy, but there’d always been a gap in your mind when it came to your own pleasure – an instinct that urged against expecting your love to be requited. As far as you could guess, it would come with time – after you’d started thinking of him as less of an angel and more of something able to love you back. The delay was for the best, really. Intimacy would make you vulnerable, exploitable. You needed to show Satoru how strong, how strict you could be, first.

“That sucks.” It was almost endearingly childish, just how shamelessly he sulked. It took a few more pecks and another minute or so of coddling before he sighed. “You can keep kissing me though, right?”

“Of course,” you said, automatically. It was a dangerous promise to make, with plenty of chances for unwanted escalation, but you never would’ve been able to say ‘no’ to Satoru – not so directly, at least. Not when he was looking at you with those beautiful, pitiful eyes.

“Anything for you.”

~

“So when are you going to use the collar?”

The question was posed casually, unprompted and unrushed. Still, you paused, humming as you glanced over to Satoru. He’d gotten more talkative in the two or three weeks since you brought him home, but he still seemed caught in that quiet, liquid haze of tranquility – all easy smiles and half-lidded eyes and slow, sloppy kisses from the moment you came home to the second you had to leave. He seemed to be enjoying himself, spending his time basking in your affection and letting you take care of him, and that made you happy. All you’d ever wanted was for him to be safe and looked after, and he was. You could make sure of that, now.

(Admittedly, there was a small, negligible part of that had expected there to be some resistance – a hissy fit, a muted protest, something aggressive and combative that wouldn’t be calmed with a few kind words and a gentle touch – and mourned the fact that Satoru was taking this all so well. It wasn’t that you wanted him to hate you, but you’d always struggled to trust what came to you easily. If you had to work for Satoru’s love, you could be sure that you’d earned it. If you had to smother him into submission, you wouldn’t have to wonder if he was only lulling you into a false sense of security before stealing away all the tools you used to keep him safe. You tried not to be so pessimistic – outwardly, at least.)

“I won’t have to, preferably.” Pulling a towel off of the nearest rack, you bent down to his height and started to ruffle his hair dry. He shut his eyes, but didn’t try to stop you. Currently, he was sitting on the wall of your bathtub, only partially dressed in a pair of tan sweatpants while you finished drying his hair. You could shower alone before work in the morning, but Satoru needed more care. He needed to be treated like something precious, and he’d already proved that you couldn’t trust him with such an important responsibility. “It’s kind of a last resort. It should only go off if you try to leave.” And then, as you burrowed your nails into the towel., “Is that… Is that something you’re going to do, ‘toru?”

“Never. You keep me too good n’ spoiled.” He flashed you a lazy grin, and just like that, you were looking away, biting down on your tongue, trying to coax your heart back into beating at a steady rhythm. You pretended to be busy rummaging through the nearest drawer for a brush, but Satoru only laughed. His next question was just as probing. “It came with a remote, though, right?”

“…like I said, it’s a last resort,” you repeated, too flustered to lie. “I don’t want to hurt you. Unless you tried to escape or attacked me, I really can’t see myself doing anything so—” Blasphemous. Unforgivable. Sinful. “—harsh.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Like always, he was a little too quick, a little too willing. You bit back a scowl. “I just think it could be romantic, y’know?  I’d get to see how much you’re willing to do for me, or something like that.”

You forced a bark of a laugh. “There’s nothing romantic about me hurting you, baby. ‘specially not if I’m only doing it because you acted out.”

“I promise, I’m tougher than I look.” Another smile, even more dazzling than the first. Again, you felt your head start to speed up, only to stop beating entirely the second he went on. “I used to have this friend – Suguru – and he’d—”

Your hand was in your pocket before you had time to stop yourself, the plastic remote clenched in your fist before you had time to think. You’d never read the manual, never thought you’d have to use it, but that didn’t matter. There was only one button, and it only did one thing.

Satoru’s voice cut out as the current picked-up, pumping the maximum voltage into his throat. Satoru didn’t scream, didn’t thrash, but he reacted – going rigid as his beautiful eyes went painfully wide. The whole thing was silent save for a low, almost inaudible buzzing-type sound, and you kept your thumb pressed into the singular button for a second, then another, before forcing yourself to let go. Even that was more difficult than it should’ve been. You couldn’t stand the idea of hurting him, but…

Fuck. You would’ve done anything not to hear Satoru say his name ever again.

To his credit, Satoru didn’t collapse. When it was over, he only buckled forward – catching himself on his thighs as he dragged in a jolting, ragged breath. You were on your knees in front of him in a second, his face in your hands and your mouth on his cheek, his forehead, his neck, as if you could kiss away the pain. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” you chanted, each word less coherent than the last. “It’s just—I’ve read about him in your diaries, and I should’ve known you’d bring him up, and—”

“I love you.”

You went quiet.

You tried to pull away from him, but his arms lashed out; wrapping around your midriff and pulling you closer – burying his face in the dip of your shoulder, the crook of your neck. Again, he repeated, “I love you.”

For a second, you thought about pulling away, about sending him back to his room while you pulled yourself together. For a second, you considered reaching for your remote, again.

Then, you settled against him, shutting your eyes and resting your head against his chest.

“I love you too, Satoru.”

~

Admittedly, Satoru’s apartment was the closest thing you had to a guilty pleasure. The first time you’d broken in, you were still on the fence about just how much he needed your help, but by the third, or the fourth, or the fifth, you’d already made up your mind about bringing him home. You’d only visited a handful of times since, but it was nice to stop in every now-and-then, to remind yourself there were two distinct eras of Satoru’s life – prior to the day he’d met you, and post. Getting to spend a few minutes tucked into a space so essentially Satoru wasn’t something you were opposed to, either.

You made your way slowly through his former home – stepping over heaps of abandoned clothes and stopping to straighten forgotten piles of cluttered paperwork he would never be forced to re-visit. Satoru didn’t have any close friends or family who’d stop by uninvited, which meant every little detail was exactly how Satoru would’ve left it. The fridge was still empty, the freezer stocked with frozen, pre-packaged desserts; the walls were still empty and drab, utterly devoid of life; and best of all, his bed still smelled exactly like him. It was a silly thing to be so excited about, especially when you had the source waiting for you at home, but you collapsed onto the mattress without hesitation, shutting your eyes and basking in the evidence of just how hopeless he’d been, before you had a chance to—

Clipped footsteps, followed shortly by the sound of the bedroom door being pushed open. You bolted upward, your pocket knife (because self-defense was important when you treated breaking-and-entering like a hobby) in your hand in a fraction of a second, but the intruder didn’t seem quite so concerned.

It was a woman – deathly pale and worryingly gaunt, just a little too short to be considered average. She regarded you with a cold stare before nodding by way of greeting. “I’m guessing you’re Satoru’s girlfriend?”

The irritation that came with hearing someone else use his given name was immediately overshadowed by pure, euphoric delight. Smiling like an idiot, you asked, “He calls me his girlfriend?”

“Oh, I’m not going to repeat what he calls you.” Her gaze dropped to your knife, now little more than an afterthought. “You can drop the weapon,” she said, holding up a manila envelope stuffed to the point of bursting. “Just here to pick up his lesson plans. It’s been a pain in the ass – having to cover for him since you two started playing house.”

She sounded agitated, but only mildly so. A small, rational part of your mind urged you to linger on the mild irritation in her voice, the odd casualness in the way she spoke to you. She couldn’t have talked to Satoru recently, not the months he’d spent with you, but if she was concerned for his safety, she wasn’t concerned enough to bring up the issue now.

The vast, easily distracted majority could only chant girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend.

You opened your mouth, ready to ask if Satoru had talked about you often, if he’d ever mentioned your name, if she remembered word-for-word what he’d said about you, but she was already gone – muttering a curt goodbye and slamming the bedroom door behind her. By the time you could force yourself off of his bed, she’d disappeared entirely.

That day, you picked up roses as white as his hair and forget-me-nots as blue as his eyes on your way home. Just to remind Satoru how much you really loved him.

~

Satoru greeted you as soon as you got home, like he’d done every day since you gave him permission to roam freely. You didn’t call out, didn’t ring the bell, and yet, as soon as the door was closed and locked behind you, he was there; his arms wrapped around your waist and your body hauled against his. He held you in that bone-crushing embrace for a second, then another before lowering you back onto your feet. You clung to him for just a little longer before letting go.

He always seemed to be smiling, but tonight, he was beaming. He pulled you into an eager kiss, only to jerk back just as abruptly, too excited not to start talking while his lips were still pressed against yours. “Happy six-month anniversary,” he managed, quickly enough for the words to blend together. “I, uh—It’s not much, but I got you something. I thought it’d be cute to leave it in your office, but that might’ve been— I mean, I can bring it to you if—”

“Remember to breathe, ‘toru,” you cut in, laughing. He let his head lull to the side sheepishly, and you went on. “You got me something?”

“It’s not a lot,” he reiterated, still shy. “I’m sorry, I’m not really used to this. I wanted to have dinner ready when you came home, too, but I think it needs a few more minutes.”

It was hard to believe, sometimes – just how lucky you’d gotten. There were only so many human beings who could say they’d met an angel, and you got to come home to one every night.

“You’re perfect.” Satoru blushed, and you pulled him close, pecking the bridge of his nose just underneath the bar of his glasses. “Finish up. I’ll meet you back in the kitchen to tell you how much I love my gift.”

Reluctantly, you detached from Satoru, and made your way to the home office you’d all-but abandoned after bringing Satoru home. His present sat on the edge of your desk: a small mason jar, just the right size to sit in the palm of your hand, filled with water and finished off with a jet-black ribbon tied around the lid. Two spherical objects floated near the bottom. Even from a distance, you recognized them immediately.

Satoru’s eyes.

If you’d been holding the jar, you would’ve dropped it. They had to be fake, but they couldn’t be – replicas wouldn’t have been so bright, so organic, so perfect. He’d been wearing glasses, but you’d been able to see his eyes, and— and even if you couldn’t, it wasn’t like he’d be able to carve his own eyes out in the nine hours you spent away from him. Had there been blood on his clothes? You couldn’t remember, now. Was he hurt? Had you ever seen him hurt himself? He couldn’t have left, but—

You felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your midriff, drawing you against a broad chest. The metal of his collar pressed into the back of your head as he slotted himself against you. “You mentioned how much you like my eyes, once,” Satoru explained, the eagerness in his melodic voice now painful to listen to. “I… I thought you might want a couple spares. For when we can’t be together. And, after dinner, I thought we could finally…”

He trailed off, embarrassed. Still, what he wanted was clear.

For a long moment, you didn’t say anything.

Then, with a heavy exhale, you forced yourself to glance over your shoulder, facing Satoru with a smile. “Not tonight, ‘toru.” You’d never been thankful not to be able to see the clear blue of his eyes, before.

“But soon. I promise.”

~

You couldn’t find Satoru.

It was hard to believe, even as you hunched against the wall of his bedroom, your knees pulled into your chest and tears streaming uncontrollably from your eyes. You’d looked everywhere – torn apart every room in your house, overturned furniture, called his name until your throat ached – but he just—he wasn’t there. You’d checked the locks (still in-tact) and all the windows (decisively unbroken), but the only sign of him you’d managed to find was his collar – cold and abandoned, undone and left carefully on the foot of his bed. It would’ve been impossible for him to take off without the remote still sitting safely in your purse, the mechanism was strong enough to endure getting hit with a car, and yet, it was here, and he wasn’t.

God. You were so fucked.

The open collar sat on the floor next to you, your pocket knife immediately next to it. Satoru was gone. He’d left you, or been taken – it didn’t matter. Your life was over. He’d go to the police, and you’d be arrested, and you’d never get to see Satoru again. Even if he didn’t go to the police, he was never coming back. Either way, it was a death sentence.

You were never going to see Satoru again.

Half-consciously, your hand found your knife, fingers curling around the handle. For the first time in months, you remembered what your life was like prior to meeting Satoru. You remembered what you’d tried to do - what you would’ve done, if he hadn’t been there to save you.

You drew in a shaky breath, tightening your hold on your knife and raising it – first to your chest, and then thinking better of it, your throat. You weren’t very strong, but you weren’t very durable, either. If you were lucky, it’d only take a minute or so before—

“Baby?”

You stiffened, blotting out. For a moment, your mind went perfectly, euphorically blank.

When you came to, you weren’t pressed against the wall, but on your knees – straddling Satoru’s waist. The knife was still in your hand, but you couldn’t see the blade. It was buried in Satoru’s stomach to the hilt.

To his credit, he didn’t scream. His reaction was uncannily alike his response to the shock collar – wide eyes and parted lips, pain and shock only visible in the absence of his smile. Warm blood soaked through the fabric of his uniform jacket, washing over your hand, but you didn’t care. Only half-voluntary, you pulled the knife back and brought it down. You did it again, and again, and again, each motion repetitive and mechanical. You’d never killed anyone, before. It was unfair that the first had to be Satoru.

It was only when the blade of your knife met loose pulp rather than solid flesh that you paused, dropping your weapon entirely. Rather, your hands found his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin through tattered fabric and tearing. You let out a miserable sob as you clawed at his chest, trying aimlessly to dig to his heart. “You left,” you whined, like that would explain anything. “You were gone, and I couldn’t find you, and I thought I’d never see you again, and—” You cut yourself, gasping. “And you’re dying. Oh my god, Satoru, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

It never occurred to you to call an ambulance. Your body seemed to move on its own, clambering down just far enough to tear at the waistband of his pants, to free his cock. “’m just fine, princess,” he muttered, but you weren’t in a state to listen. With a frantic sort of desperation, you pumped your fist over his length, his blood serving as good-enough lubrication. Satoru let out a low groan – the noise impossible to read as pain or relief. “Even better, with such a pretty view.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Your fist wasn’t working. Too frantic to be graceful, you forced his cock past your lip and fucked the tip into the hollow of your cheek, doing your best to ignore how his natural bitter mixed with the near-overwhelming iron-tinge. That, at least, got you a reaction – another rough groan, his hand in your hair as his tip started to leak arousal and you felt his shaft stiffen against your hand. You almost choked on your own relief, but Satoru soothed you, his blunt nails scrapping over your scalp as he cooed. “Been waiting so long to see you like this…” He trailed off, laughed. You felt another jolt of fresh blood leak from the tattered flesh of his stomach. There was enough to pool on the floor below him, now. “’m sorry – did I say that already? Thought I could step out for a second before you got home, deal with a last-minute mission, but—” His voice hitched as you let out another sob around him. “—clearly, my pretty girl can’t be left alone for so long.”

You couldn’t understand why he was still talking. Every word hurt more than the last – like he was trying to make it that much harder for you to do the only thing you could. When you pulled away from him, it was only to let out a fractured cry, to bury your face in his thigh, muffling your voice until it was only a whisper above nothing. “You can’t leave me. If I don’t have—If you’re not here, then I can’t—”

“Hey, hey, don’t talk like that. I’m not going anywhere.” You felt the hand in your hair dip lower, cupping your cheek. Another caught you by the chin, tilting your head back, until you were staring at Satoru – blood-drenched and glorious, sitting up and smiling down at you. He shouldn’t have been moving, you shouldn’t have let him move, and yet, it was all you could to do jolt upward and throw yourself against his chest, your mouth latching instinctually onto his neck. You’d always been so careful not to bite, not to bruise, not to do anything that’d leave a mark and mar his perfection, but suddenly, your love felt less like an act of pure-hearted preservation and more like the desperate throes of a forsaken acolyte clinging to the blessings of a dying god. It was hard to worship divinity as something everlasting when your hands were stained in its blood.

 So you didn’t try to. You dug your teeth into the side of his throat without reservation, cautious only not to visit the same patch of skin twice. Satoru felt any pain, if he could feel anything after losing so much blood, his only reaction was an airy laugh and a shallow kiss to your temple as his hand found your hips, then your sides. You felt yourself leaving the ground long seconds before your processed that Satoru was lifting you up, and even then, your awareness was burdened by a numbing sort of confusion. You wanted to tell him not to move, not to breathe, to let you help. You wanted to find your knife.

In the end, though, you only strung your arms around his neck and let him lay you on his bed, the mattress dipping where he kneeled in the space between your open legs.

In a daze, you felt your skirt being slid up to your waist, your panties shoved aside and replaced by the soft warmth of Satoru’s mouth. Like always, he was adorably clumsy – the bridge of his nose grinding against your clit as his tongue lapped and traced over your pussy. His fingertips dug too harshly into your thighs, his tongue thrusting into you too erratically, his little whines and occasional whimper too pitchy to allow for any real reverberation, but your poor nerves were so fried and your heart was still beating so fast and it would’ve taken a miracle for you not to cum – moaning pathetically as you bucked into his mouth. You’d imagined this scenario before, pictured yourself showering him with praise as you taught him exactly how to make you cum on his pretty tongue, but this was too quick, too abrupt, too out of your control. You weren’t in a state to teach. If he learned something from this, you doubted it would be the right lesson.

You reached for him as he straightened his back, but Satoru caught your wrist, guiding your hand to his stomach. Rather than mangled flesh and exposed viscera, your palm pressed against perfect in-tact, perfectly seamless skin. Like he’d never been injured. Like he hadn’t been on the verge of death only a few minutes ago.

Like you’d never even touched him.

“See, baby? I already told you – I’m not going anywhere.” His smile was soft, his voice soothing, but he was distracted. With a fist curled around his shaft, he aligned the head of his cock with your entrance, heavy beads of his arousal drooling onto your cunt and down your slit. “You had me worried for a while, there.” This time, his eyes flickered up to meet yours. “I know what I’m good for. Thought you might get sick of me before I ever got a chance to prove it.”

It would’ve been impossible to tell if Satoru was still in pain, or if he was capable of feeling something so human at all. The hurt that sliced through your chest, though, was agonizing. “I would never do that, ‘toru.”

“I know. And I’m sorry, too – it’s unfair to keep comparing you to him.” He bowed his head, dipping low enough for the heat of his breath to ghost over the shell of your ear, when he went on. “You’re not getting away from me that easily.”

There was a shuddering inhale, a sudden pressure against your slit. He pushed into you slowly, less concerned with your comfort than he was savoring the feeling of your walls clenching around him, of your body inviting him deeper, closer. You held your breath, doing your best to memorize every curve and vein, to accommodate him even as his length threatened to split you open. It wasn’t painful, but even if had been, you wouldn’t have complained. This was what you were supposed to want. This was what you were supposed to do for Satoru.

You could only wonder, then, why it felt so cold.

It was only when hips pressed into yours and he was fully hilted inside of you that he picked himself up – a hand planted on either side of your head, a broad, careless smile plastered across his lips. You registered that his lips were moving a full moment before you recognized the sound of his voice, as angelic as it was unbearable.

“I love you.”

For the first time, you didn’t bother trying to say anything at all.

[upsidedowneye]

With All My Heart, Will You Be Mine?

Sum: Happy Valentine's Day!

Yan! Yakuza Gojo x Reader

TW: Yandere Behaviors, Stalking, Kidnapping, Medical Horror, Graphic violence/torture, Terminal Illness (Reader), Blood, Gore, Dubcon kisses, Masturbation (Gojo), Manipulation, Forced Surgery, mentions of murder. MDNI

WC: 5.8k

A/n: Thank you 💖 anon for feeding me yummy ideas, lots of smoochies for you. You will receive my kidney for Valentine's day, keep it safe, use it for school! MWAH!

Really, truly - Gojo Satoru didn’t believe in love at first sight.

Lust at first sight? Absolutely. Intrigue at first sight? Happens all the time. But love? The heart-pounding, palm-sweating, head-spinning kind that made fools of otherwise rational men? No.

He was a romantic, sure, but not delusional.

And yet, here he was, standing in the middle of a dingy little house in Tokyo, meant to be handling business like the good little Yakuza heir he was, only to be hit with something so absurd, so world-altering, so utterly ridiculous that it left him breathless.

And on Valentine’s Day, no less.

It was almost poetic, if not for the fact that he should have been spending his evening hunting for buy-one-get-one-free desserts, maybe stuffing his face with something obscenely sweet, letting powdered sugar melt on his tongue instead of dealing with this nonsense.

Instead, he was here, wasting time on a pathetic excuse of a man who had made one too many promises and delivered on exactly none.

The debtor knelt before him, flanked by two of his men, the poor bastard's shoulders hunched, his body shaking so violently that the faint sound of his teeth chattering filled the otherwise silent room.

Satoru sighed, rolling his shoulders, letting his hands flex, testing the weight of his own strength. A simple knockout, maybe - if the guy was lucky. If he wasn’t, well, there were other ways to collect.

If you can’t pay up, surely your organs can.

His fingers curled into a loose fist, knuckles shifting beneath his skin, ready to land a single, decisive blow. His arm swung back, muscles tensing, the force behind it measured yet lethal.

He missed.

His knuckles cut through empty space.

The Gojo Satoru, who never missed, whose strikes always found their target with effortless precision, had missed.

Something lurched inside him. Something sharp, something foreign, something completely uninvited. His body reacted before his mind could catch up, his chest seizing up with a feeling that sent his pulse stammering, erratic.

The air in the room shifted, charged, like static clinging to his skin, humming beneath his fingertips, curling tight around his throat like an invisible wire. His breath hitched, a sharp, unexpected inhale that felt too much, too rapid, too overwhelming.

His body, his very existence, felt like it had been shoved off balance.

And all because of a picture frame.

A broken one, at that. Glass shards, littered the floor, glinting under the dim overhead light. His gaze flickered downward, catching the jagged fragments scattered like slivers of ice against the worn wooden planks.

And nestled between them, half-buried beneath the wreckage, was you.

His fingers twitched.

His chest ached.

Slowly, deliberately, he turned his head, forcing himself to move slowly, as if rushing might break the spell of this moment. His gaze briefly flickered toward Ijichi, who stood stiffly near the door, face pale, fingers twitching at his sleeves.

Satoru ignored him, poor Ijichi's silent pleas to please get this over with. Instead, he bent down, his long, gloved fingers ghosting over the broken glass before carefully lifting the frame from the mess. His movements were strangely reverent, cautious in a way that had nothing to do with avoiding injury and everything to do with the image trapped behind the cracked glass.

You.

Oh.

His throat tightened.

A snapshot of softness. A moment of warmth and light and everything gentle in a world that had only ever been sharp edges and raw violence to him. His fingers trembled slightly as he turned the frame over, gloved knuckles brushing against the broken glass, the sting of tiny cuts breaking through the protective barrier. Satoru barely noticed. The world had already tilted.

His breath came faster, shallower, something hot and unfamiliar crawling up his spine. His face felt warm. Too warm. Heat bloomed beneath his skin, creeping up from his chest, spilling up the curve of his throat, flushing the tips of his ears. His pulse—normally steady, untouchable—stammered, then slammed against his ribs, hammering like a war drum inside him.

His brain wasn’t working, actually Satoru's entire body was doing things it shouldn’t be doing. The way his fingers curled tighter around the frame, pressing it against his chest like something precious, something irreplaceable, something already his.

And then—before he could stop himself—

He giggled.

A soft, breathless little sound, slipped past his soft pink lips without his permission, without his control. The feeling was utterly foreign to him, so completely out of place in this bloodstained room, that even the lackeys flinched.

The debtor—poor bastard, still kneeling, still hoping for mercy—dared to look up. His breath stuttered, a trembling, desperate sound escaping his lips when he caught the sight of Satoru, hunched over the picture frame, grinning like he had just discovered the meaning of life.

And then, in a panic-stricken voice, hoarse and broken, he begged.

“T-That’s my daughter,” he gasped, voice cracking, his entire body lurching forward before the men at his sides yanked him back into place. “P-Please! Please, don’t - d-don’t hurt her, please!”

Satoru stilled for a few beats. His long fingers twitched against the frame, his grip tightening just slightly. Slowly, he raised his gaze, sharp blue eyes gleaming, amusement flickering beneath something far, far more dangerous., a fool in love.

A moment of silence stretched between them, thick and suffocating.

Then, Satoru let out another breathless, giddy laugh.

“Oh,” he murmured, his voice a shade too light, a whisper too smooth. “Your daughter?” tilting his head, lips parting slightly, like he was tasting the words, rolling them around on his tongue just to see how they felt. Satoru's pulse was still racing, breathing still felt too fast, face still burned.

What a beautiful feeling. Love was truly a beautiful thing, he was a fool for thinking overwise. His lips curved into a lazy, lovesick smile. A slow exhale left him as he traced his thumb over the crack in the glass.

“What a lucky man you are,” Satoru mused, voice warm, teasing, almost affectionate. “To have someone so precious.”

Satoru's fingers curled tighter around the frame, pressing it against his chest like he could sink it into himself, steal you away, make you his. Careless to the shards of glass pressing themselves into his shirt, sodden with blood.

And then, with a soft, almost dreamy sigh, he whispered into the room -

“Oh, I think I’m in love.”

The debtor was still babbling, breath coming in ragged little gasps, his face pale and sweat-slicked, as if he expected Gojo to snap him in half at any second.

Poor guy.

Satoru’s expression shifted the sharp gleam in his eyes melting into something lighter, dreamier. His lips curled into a soft, almost fond smile, the heat still high on his cheeks as he turned his attention back to the trembling man kneeling before him.

A soft chuckle left him - light, airy, amused.

"I think we got the wrong guy, Ijichi-san," he mused, voice kept casual, lilting as if discussing the weather. Ijichi stiffened from his place near the door, blinking rapidly behind his fogged-up glasses, clearly unsure whether to be relieved or terrified. Still kneeling, leaned in just slightly, one gloved hand reaching out to cup the debtor’s jaw.

The man flinched hard.

His entire body shuddered, a choked sound spilling from his lips, but Satoru’s touch was shockingly gentle - a stark contrast to the raw strength curled beneath his fingers. His thumb stroked slowly along the man’s cheek, a featherlight touch, almost affectionate as if comforting a dear old friend.

Then - he patted his cheek. Soft. Reassuring. And yet, something far, far worse than a punch.

Because Gojo Satoru was smiling.

Not his usual cocky smirk, not the smug little grin of a man who enjoyed toying with his prey - but something softer.

Something warm.

Something that didn’t belong in a bloodstained room.

His head tilted slightly, bright blue eyes twinkling, the blush still lingering across his pale skin as he murmured, voice dipped in unsettling fondness -

"My apologies, father-in-law."

The debtor let out a broken sob.

The room was silent, tense, like everyone was waiting to see if their boss had finally snapped. He swallowed hard, forcing down the giddy little laugh bubbling up his throat. He needed to—no, he had to—figure this out. He had to figure you out.

Satoru was still thinking about you, even during his long day of hard work. Ah, he should be charging your rent for invading his mind like this!

The poor businessman in front of him wailed, body jerking violently against the restraints, but Satoru barely acknowledged it. He twirled the bloodied pliers between his fingers, splattering droplets of red onto the floor, his mind elsewhere.

“You guys ever been in love?”

The lackeys standing near the wall exchanged uneasy glances.

“U-uh… boss?”

Satoru hummed softly, affectionately as if he hadn’t just ripped a nail from the man’s hand a second ago. He turned to one of the lackeys, holding up the pliers like a microphone.

“Be honest with me. What’s the best way to impress a girl?”

Silence.

Even the poor bastard tied to the chair stopped whimpering. The loan sharks shifted uncomfortably, like they weren’t sure if this was a trick question.

Gojo sighed, tapping the pliers against his chin. Careless to the blood staining his pale skin.

“See, I’m thinking flowers - girls like flowers, right? But that feels so… normal.” Voice coming out light, thoughtful, as if he were discussing dessert options instead of dating strategies while actively torturing someone.

A lackey gulped. “Uh… I-I guess girls like grand gestures?”

Satoru’s head snapped up. Oh. Ohhh. That was good. That was so good. Satoru's grin stretched wider, his body practically vibrating with excitement.

“That’s what I was thinking too! Maybe I could make a little event out of it.” He flexed his fingers around the pliers before suddenly plunging them back into the man’s hand, gripping tight around another nail. The man wailed, body convulsing, but Satoru just clicked his tongue.

“Stay still, I’m having a moment here.”

He wrenched the pliers back with an almost theatrical flourish, watching as the nail came free, dripping red. He turned it between his fingers, examining it as he continued, “Like, I could just show up and say, ‘Hi, I’m your new boyfriend,’ but I dunno… that lacks finesse, don’t you think?”

Another lackey hesitated. “Uh… maybe you should… get to know her first?”

Satoru gasped. Ohhh. His fingers twitched, his pulse spiking, excitement crawling up his spine. “That’s a great idea! I should do some research. Find out what she likes, where she goes, who she spends time with - ”

He sighed dreamily, resting his chin on his gloved palm, pliers still in his grasp. “Ahh, this is so exciting. Who knew I’d find love on Valentine’s Day?”

The lackeys exchanged horrified glances.

The man in the chair sobbed.

Gojo barely noticed.

He was too busy imagining what kind of flowers you’d like.

Like any devoted future husband, he did his research.

By the time he finally stepped out of the shower after his long, excruciatingly confusing day—one he would rather you never know about—he had already started planning.

Steam curled in lazy ribbons around the dimly lit bathroom, clinging to the warm air like a ghost of the heat that had soaked into his skin. Water dripped from his snow-white damp hair, collecting in cool rivulets as they rolled down the sculpted lines of his collarbone, tracing the dip of his spine before vanishing into the plush towel slung around his waist. The overhead light flickered faintly against the condensation beading along the mirror, his reflection hazy and unfocused.

Satoru dragged a hand through his messy, damp white locks, pushing them back from his forehead, his fingers catching briefly on stubborn strands. He let out a slow breath, watching as the fogged-up mirror distorted his image, his usually sharp features blurred at the edges. For a moment, he simply stared, tilting his head slightly, his glowing blue eyes piercing through the humidity with an intensity that felt foreign, even to him.

His face felt… different.

He knew himself, had spent years looking at this very reflection - at the striking symmetry of his features, the lazy curve of his mouth, the effortless charm that had always drawn people in. But now? Now there was something wrong.

Or maybe something right.

His cheeks were warm, a soft flush spreading across his pale skin, settling stubbornly beneath his eyes, along the bridge of his nose. His lips—usually curled in an easy smirk, something smug and sharp-edged—felt softer, stretched into a stupid, giddy smile that he couldn’t seem to wipe off.

His fingers twitched at his sides, a restless, barely contained energy coiling under his skin. He could feel the uneven rhythm of his own pulse, the unsteady way it hammered against his ribs - too fast, too eager, like something wild and untamed.

A shaky laugh slipped from his lips, barely above a whisper, and immediately pressed his knuckles against his mouth, trying to stifle the ridiculous giggle that threatened to bubble up again.

Oh, what the fuck was this?

His stomach clenched - not in discomfort, not in anger, not in anything he could name. The feeling felt like being electrocuted. It felt like a freefall, plummeting into something dark and bottomless, with no hope of stopping. His chest ached, a tight pull between his ribs, something raw and desperate.

This wasn’t normal.

Nothing about this was normal.

Satoru’s fingers curled into the edge of the sink, gripping the cold marble, but it did nothing to steady him. He let out a slow breath, trying to shake off the haze filling his head, thick and suffocating. He needed to focus.

His smirk twitched, wavering for just a second before solidifying again, as he forced himself to breathe, to remember why he was here in the first place.

He had a plan.

Of course, he already knew he’d have to privatize a lot of your information. It wasn’t safe for someone as delicate, as beautiful as you to be left unprotected.

A beauty like you? Out in the open?

Far too dangerous.

You were just waiting to be taken, waiting for someone less deserving to snatch you up before he had the chance to make you his. The very thought sent an ugly, seething heat curling low in his stomach, his jaw tightening at the idea of someone else even thinking they had the right to look at you.

And then there was your father. Reckless. Stupid. Careless. Gambling away money, selling away your future with every thoughtless bet. If someone had to pay for his mistakes, it wouldn’t be you. It wouldn’t ever be you.

Satoru sighed, wiping the condensation from the mirror with the heel of his palm, only for it to fog up again seconds later. The humidity clung to him, soaking into his flushed skin as his gaze flickered toward the glow of his phone screen.

His research was proving… interesting.

His body froze.

The warmth in his chest twisted, coiling tighter, tighter, tighter, something sharp lodging itself behind his ribs. His breath caught, his fingers tightening around the cold marble of the sink.

He blinked once.

Twice.

The words didn’t change.

Waitlisted for a heart transplant.

His stomach dropped.

For a moment, he could do nothing but stare, his vision blurring, as if the letters themselves were somehow wrong, as if seeing them enough times could make them disappear, could make them not real.

His throat was dry, the earlier lightheaded giddiness evaporating, replaced by something heavy and unfamiliar.

A slow breath, shaky and uneven, pushed past his lips.

Then another.

His heart stuttered.

Then picked up again, pounding, throbbing, screaming against his ribs with a force that almost hurt.

His lungs felt tight.

This—this wasn’t—

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

His stomach twisted violently, sickening nausea curling through him as he forced himself to swallow, his fingers digging into the edge of the sink until his knuckles turned white.

He could fix this.

Of course, he could.

It was so simple.

Well.

He could just give you his.

The thought hit him like a punch to the gut, knocking the air from his lungs. His own ridiculous, hopelessly lovesick heart—wasn’t it already yours?

Wasn’t it already beating for you, racing every time he thought about you?

He wanted you to have it.

Wouldn’t that be perfect? Wouldn’t that be romantic?

A tremor ran through his shoulders, something between a laugh and a shaky exhale, his body shuddering under the weight of the thought. He grinned, wide and almost delirious, his fingers drumming absently against the counter, a restless, frantic energy buzzing under his skin.

Oh.

Different blood types.

The air seized in his lungs.

An awful thing, really. A tragedy. A fucking crime.

It would have been the greatest honor - to have his very own heart inside your body, keeping you alive, keeping you safe, ensuring that he was always with you, always the one keeping you beating.

His grip on the counter tightened, his fingers trembling slightly as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against the cool mirror. His stupid, desperate, lovesick heart was still hammering, pounding so hard it hurt, and—

And he just knew.

No one else could have you.

You were his.

And if fate wasn’t going to let him keep you safe the way he wanted, then— - He’d just find another way.

A soft, breathless giggle slipped from his lips.

It was almost sweet.

Oh.

Oh, he loved this.

You were going to love him too.

Satoru wasn’t sure how he ended up here, standing in the soft glow of your hospital room, arms full of entirely too many roses, pretending he didn’t just spend weeks memorizing everything about you.

This was supposed to be casual. A natural, effortless, totally normal meeting where he charmed his way into your life like it was meant to be. And it was meant to be, of course - he already decided that long before you even knew his name.

But none of his meticulous planning, none of the hours of preparation, none of it prepared him for this.

Because now that he was actually standing in front of you, he could feel his carefully constructed mask cracking at the edges.

And it was all your fault.

You blinked up at him, your wide, curious gaze unraveling him completely. Even in your frailty—IV drips, hospital gown, the telltale exhaustion clinging to your frame—you still managed to look like the single most perfect thing he had ever seen.

Then, it happened.

A smile.

A soft, hesitant little thing, warm enough to make his knees feel weak.

And then - the monitor.

The steady beep, beep, beep of your heart rate suddenly spiked, an unmistakable, rapid rhythm filling the otherwise quiet room.

Satoru’s breath hitched.

Oh.

The realization crashed into him like a freight train.

Your heart was racing.

Because of him.

Oh, fuck.

His grip on the roses tightened, fingers pressing into the delicate stems, the thorns pricking at his skin, he barely noticed. His own heartbeat had gone completely wild, hammering so loudly against his ribs that he was sure the entire hospital could hear it.

Heat rushed to his face, a creeping blush crawling from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, his entire body betraying him. He could feel it, the warmth spreading under his skin, the dizzying, giddy sensation that made him want to scream into the nearest pillow.

You were flustered over him.

Him.

Gojo Satoru.

A helpless, breathless giggle bubbled up in his throat before he could stop it, and he barely managed to cover it with a light cough, turning his head slightly as if that would somehow hide the absolute mess he was becoming.

He had to pull it together.

His entire existence led up to this moment, and he would not be the reason he messed it up.

Clearing his throat, schooled his expression into something softer, gentler, the perfect image of a man who had no idea what was happening.

"Ah," he started, voice almost too smooth, though there was an undeniable waver at the edges. He made a show of looking down at the roses, adjusting his grip as if suddenly realizing he was still holding them. "I… didn’t expect anyone to be here."

Your lips parted, the faintest hint of surprise flitting across your features. He wanted to frame the moment, keep it forever.

He forced himself to keep talking, keep lying, before his knees actually gave out, even if they did, he'd crawl to you, rest his head on your lap - He'd be your dog if you'd just ask.

“It seems the room has already been cleared a while ago,” he continued, his voice soft, almost apologetic. “I used to leave roses here for my mother.”

The words left his mouth too easily, even as his pulse refused to slow down. Satoru's fingers twitched, gripping the flowers just a little too tight because you were still looking at him like that.

Like you wanted him to stay.

And that damn monitor -

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Each sharp little sound sent heat straight to his face. He could feel it, the way his blush deepened, the way it spread down his neck, his body completely betraying him in real time.

You liked him.

You were crushing on him.

You were falling for him.

Satoru had to physically stop himself from grinning like a lunatic. He had to bite the inside of his cheek, had to tighten his grip on the bouquet, had to plant his feet firmly on the ground because he swore to god if he let go of his restraint for even a second, he would throw himself at you and never let go.

This was dangerous.

You were dangerous.

Because he had barely even spoken yet, and you were already his.

And oh, you had no idea what that meant for you.

His stomach did another awful, fluttery thing, his entire world tilting as he dared to meet your gaze again.

“Would it be alright… if I left these here?” he asked, voice lower, smoother, betraying absolutely none of the chaos screaming inside him.

You nodded, still watching him with soft, wide eyes, and Satoru had to bite back a whimper. His stomach twisted, something fluttering, tightening - something unbearable and all-consuming. He had barely spoken to you, and yet, here you were, already accepting him, already letting him into your space. It was almost too much. Almost devastating.

He placed the roses carefully on the side table, arranging them with precision, as if they were an offering, as if their placement mattered more than anything else in the world. His fingers lingered on the petals, smoothing them down, before he finally, reluctantly, stepped back.

Your gaze was still on him. Soft. Trusting. Beautiful.

Operation: True Love had been enacted.

And it didn’t stop there.

It had become routine. Every morning, without fail, he made sure you had your favorite coffee in your hands before the sun had fully risen. Even on the nights when sleep barely kissed his eyes, when exhaustion tugged at his limbs, when his body ached from handling the scum that threatened the delicate world he was building for you, he always stopped by that little café.

It was such a simple thing, really - just a cup of coffee. But for Satoru, it was a symbol of devotion. Every single action, no matter how small, was done with you in mind. He memorized your schedule, your favorite flavors, the way you liked it just a little sweeter when you were feeling under the weather. He took a sip of it each time before handing it to you, just to be certain that it was decaffeinated, that your already delicate heart wouldn’t be forced to work harder than it needed to.

He had memorized everything about your condition, studied every prescription bottle by your bedside, traced his fingers over the labels when you weren’t looking, committing them all to memory. He knew your dosages, your restrictions, the way your hands trembled ever so slightly when the medication began to wear off.

That was why, when the first drop of coffee hit his tongue that morning, he knew instantly that something was wrong.

The perfect order wasn’t right.

The bitterness was too strong, the warmth that settled in his stomach too telling. He pulled the cup away from his lips and stared at it, Satoru's mind running over the implications. The barista had switched it - either through incompetence or indifference, but in the end, it didn’t matter.

If he had been careless if he had handed it to you without checking if your poor little heart had struggled against the caffeine -

His hands began to shake, a slow, curling fury unfurling in his gut. The weight of what could have happened, of what he almost allowed to happen, pressed against his ribs, suffocating him. His fingers curled around the coffee cup, the lid creaking under the pressure as he slowly exhaled, trying to steady himself.

This wasn’t just a mistake.

This was a threat.

Satoru's grip on the cup remained eerily calm as he turned and walked back to the counter, each step measured, deliberate. His head tilted slightly, a soft, almost playful smile curving at his lips as he met the eyes of the barista who had handed him the drink. The poor fool didn’t even realize what they had done.

“Hey,” Satoru murmured, voice light, almost teasing, like he was about to share a secret. “Quick question.”

The barista looked up, confused, but obliging. “Uh, yeah?”

Satoru took another slow step forward, resting his arms against the counter as he leaned in slightly. Bright blue eyes studied the poor barista, carefully, searching for a flicker of remorse, of understanding, but all he saw was ignorance.

That wouldn’t do.

A wider smile traced his lips, tilting his head as if in thought. “Tell me,” he said, voice still honey-smooth, still light as air, as if he wasn’t seething beneath the surface. “Do you know what happens when a heart stops beating?”

There was a pause.

A hesitation.

The barista blinked, eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. “Uh - ”

Satoru didn’t wait for an answer.

His hand shot out, fingers wrapping around the barista’s wrist before they even had a chance to flinch. He pulled them forward with terrifying ease, dragging them halfway over the counter, ignoring the startled gasps of the people around him. His grip tightened, just enough to feel the fragile bones beneath his fingers shift under the pressure, just enough to send a message.

He could hear the barista's pulse, feel the steady rhythm beneath their skin.

Pathetic excuse of a life.

“You see,” he murmured, his breath a ghost against their skin, “a little thing like caffeine doesn’t seem like much, does it? Just a tiny mistake.”

The barista let out a whimper, their free hand scrambling against the countertop, desperate to pull away.

Satoru grinned.

“But when the person drinking it has a heart that’s already struggling?” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “Well… then it’s a problem.”

He pressed down, just a little.

Just enough for something to pop.

The barista screamed.

Satoru sighed, shaking his head. “You almost killed someone very, very special to me,” he mused, watching the way their face twisted in agony. “And that makes me so sad.”

His fingers flexed.

The wrist in his hand gave way with a sickening crack.

The barista’s shriek pierced the air, loud and raw, but the café remained still.

No one moved.

No one ever did.

Satoru leaned in, crystalline eyes manic, lips just inches away from their ear, and whispered, soft as silk, “Do you know what that means?”

Their sobs were answer enough.

The next morning, Satoru entered your hospital room as if nothing had happened. The coffee was warm in his hands, a perfect balance of sweetness and warmth, exactly the way you liked it. You were just beginning to stir, your soft hands rubbing at your sleepy eyes, body curled up under the thick blankets.

You looked so sweet, so untouched by the world, that for a moment, he felt like he was burning alive. The moment your eyes landed on him, you smiled, slow and shy, and Satoru swore he felt his heart explode.

“Good morning, dumpling,” he greeted, sick with love, drowning in it, choking on it. You blinked up at him, looking so grateful, so happy, as you took the coffee from his hands.

He watched as you took a sip, watched as you sighed contentedly, watched as your heart monitor picked up just a little.

Oh.

Oh, that was dangerous.

The world around him faded, the memory of bloodied hands, broken screams, the useless little stumps where the barista’s fingers used to be all vanishing in the wake of your soft, wide eyes.

Nothing else mattered.

Not when you were safe.

Not when he was the one keeping you that way.

You still didn’t know.

But soon, you would.

He was waiting for the perfect moment - something grand, something special. Something that would tie you to him forever.

He loved watching over you.

He loved the way your eyelids would flutter, lashes casting delicate shadows against your cheeks as the medication coaxed you into sleep. He loved the way you’d sigh - soft, breathy little noises, so unaware, so vulnerable, your fingers curling instinctively against his sleeve as if you knew you belonged there.

And maybe you did.

Because this was exactly where you were meant to be.

Pressed into him, into his warmth, trusting and unguarded. His perfect little angel, unknowingly tucking yourself into the arms of the only man in the world who could love you properly.

You didn’t know what he had done to make sure you were safe.

Didn’t know how many hands he had taken, how many screams he had silenced, how many unworthy bastards had been erased for so much as looking at you too long.

Didn’t know how many times he had sat here, in this exact position, staring at the fragile line of your throat, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest, watching the way your lips parted slightly as you exhaled.

Didn’t know how much it hurt to love you like this.

Because it did hurt.

It ached.

It burned, it devoured, it twisted inside him like something feral, something unsatisfied.

You were so small in his arms. So delicate.

And yet, his love for you was so enormous, so all-consuming, that sometimes he felt like he would crush you under the weight of it.

Every time your fingers twitched against him, every time your body relaxed, every time you made those tiny, sleepy noises, something inside him curled tight, so tight, too tight.

It was adoration.

It was devotion.

It was worship.

And yet, beneath that softness, beneath the aching love, there was something else.

Something darker.

Something needy.

Something filthy.

Because sometimes, when your lashes fluttered against your cheeks, when your lips parted just slightly when your warm, sleepy body curled into his, something unbearable coiled in his stomach, something starved and desperate, something that made him grit his teeth so hard his jaw ached.

The heat would pool low in his abdomen, coiling hot, tight, a restless hunger, a pressure that made his breath come faster, shallower.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that you were so sweet, so trusting, so untouchable - and yet, your body fit against his so perfectly.

It wasn’t fair that you were right here, so warm, so soft, so completely his—but he couldn’t touch.

Couldn’t have.

Not yet.

Not the way he wanted to.

Not the way he needed to.

And God—God, what an awful man he was.

What a disgusting, depraved, vile creature he had become.

He shouldn't be thinking about you like this.

You were pure, delicate, untouched.

You needed protection.

You needed his care.

And yet, his traitorous body was already reacting, already stiffening, already pressing painfully against the fabric of his slacks, already begging for relief.

The feel was humiliating, sickening.

And yet, no matter how many times he told himself to stop - Satoru couldn’t.

Couldn’t because you were so fucking beautiful. Because you were so fucking his. Because even long after he had gently laid you back against your pillows, even after he had stroked the soft strands of your hair away from your face, even after he had kissed your forehead so gently, so reverently, he still felt that sickening vile feeling, the pressure of his hardened cock against his slacks. That unbearable heat, that sickening desire, the overwhelming need to relieve the pressure before it drove him insane.

So he would excuse himself.

With the calmest smile, with the gentlest voice, he would whisper, "Sleep well, sugar."

Then Satoru would slip out of the room and head straight to the hospital restroom.

Lock the door.

Pull out his phone.

And scroll through the hundreds of photos he had taken of you.

Some were from your walks in the park, when you were strong enough to leave the hospital, your face turned toward the sunlight, your soft laughter trapped in still frames, preserved just for him.

Others were taken without your knowledge, stolen moments when you were distracted when your lips were pursed in thought, when your fingers played with the frayed edge of your hospital bracelet, when you gazed out the window with that distant, dreamy look.

And God, his angel, his girl, his everything -

With shaking hands, he would unbuckle his belt, slide his hand into his pants, stroking himself to the images of you, barely able to breathe, biting his own lip to silence the pathetic little noises threatening to escape.

It felt so wrong.

So dirty.

So perfect.

And when he was finished, hot and sticky, Satoru would take a moment to look at your photo, his release streaked across your delicate face, your soft smile, your innocent little eyes. Then, with trembling fingers, he would draw tiny hearts in the filth, circling your cheeks, tracing the outline of your lips.

Soon he will be able to be a bit more selfish, to feel those pretty lips of yours wrapped around his cock, be able to coo at you to take more into your mouth, to feel the swirl of your tongue around his hardened length.

Oh, Satoru couldn't help but feel his heart pound against his chest at the idea of your sweet warm cunt wrapped around him, he'd be so gentle. Take his sweet time, he knew he had to be gentle, you were a sick little thing. Should he cockwarm you first? Get you used to him? Get you used to feeling so full, to the stretch, to the feeling of having him deep inside you.

Fuck looks like he has to give it another go, you little minx. Raiding his thoughts as always - a slight giggle escaped his throat before he began to stroke himself once again.

Satoru had made sure you both were exclusive, ensured your father understood that no other man would come near you. Because when he finally was able to confess his undying love, when he finally gave you everything, the action would be in a way that you would never forget.

A grand gesture.

A symbol of his devotion.

And as Valentine’s Day approached, everything was falling into place.

Because love wasn’t just words. The notion wasn’t fleeting, wasn’t something to be given halfheartedly. Love, real love, demanded sacrifice. And he - he was willing to give you everything. Even if it meant murdering an innocent individual, claiming the poor saint had wronged the clan. Because he had found the perfect match for your heart transplant, a saint of a person, someone who had never smoked, never drank, never told a single lie. Someone pure, untouched by vice, someone worthy of becoming a part of you. Someone perfect, just for you, so you both could live your lives together.

Because a love like this? It was eternal.

And you would love him.

And you would be his, forever.

No one would take you away from him.

Not even death.

Not even fate.

Satoru had never known love like this how it had seeped into his veins like poison, sweet and consuming, twisting around his heart until he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began. You had become his everything, the reason for his existence, the reason he woke up each morning, the reason he killed, the reason he breathed.

And now—now, you were here.

Laid out on the pristine white sheets of the underground medical table he had so carefully prepared, your delicate wrists bound with silk restraints, not to hurt you, but to keep you from thrashing, from making mistakes, from delaying the inevitable.

Because you were scared.

And that was killing him.

His sweet girl, his delicate little princess, his angel, was crying because of him.

Satoru's breath hitched, vision blurring with tears, and before he could stop himself, a choked sob tore from his throat. His fingers trembled as he cupped your cheeks, thumbs brushing frantically over your damp skin, trying to wipe away the pain.

"No, no, no, my love - please, please don’t cry." His voice cracked, wavering between soft pleas and manic devotion, his lips quivering as he leaned down, pressing frantic kisses against your damp cheeks. He licked away your tears, swallowed your little whimpers, inhaled your soft, hiccuped breaths as if he could consume your fear and turn it into love.

His fingers stroked your hair, tracing the curve of your face, his touch tender, adoring, desperate.

“I can’t take this, sunshine. You’re breaking my heart.”

A shaky giggle slipped through his sobs, his fingers still trailing down the curve of your jaw, tapping gently against your chin like he was teasing you like this was just another one of his games.

His hands slid behind him, reaching for the small, heart-shaped box he had placed so carefully beside your bed. Satoru's breath hitched, fingers trembling not with nerves, but with sheer, dizzying excitement as he held it between you both. His tear-streaked face lit up, his lips parting into an eager, breathless grin despite the shattered, desperate look in his eyes.

This was it.

The ultimate proof of his love.

His grand gesture.

His devotion, laid bare before you.

The soft velvet of the box rubbed against your trembling fingertips as he guided it into your hands. Your breath was shallow, chest rising and falling too fast, too uneven. You didn’t want to open it.

You didn’t want to see what was inside.

But Satoru - was watching you so closely, his radiant, unearthly blue eyes brimming with an intensity that demanded you obey. So, with numb fingers, you lifted the lid.

Your stomach lurched.

The room spun. The sharp, metallic scent of blood curled into your nostrils, thick and suffocating, coating the back of your throat, making your body convulse in disgust.

A heart.

A real, human heart. The flesh was still fresh, still glistening, nestled inside the plush velvet like a grotesque, bloody jewel. Thin, severed arteries dangled from the muscle, the tissue dark, rich, and far too real.

Your breath hitched in a choked, wet gasp.

The air rushed out of your lungs, your vision narrowing as cold, paralyzing horror wrapped around you. Your fingers trembled violently, nearly dropping the box, your hands refusing to function, refusing to believe what they were holding.

No.

No, no, no -

You could feel your heartbeat slamming against your ribs, erratic, uneven, weak. You could feel the sting of tears welling up, blurring your vision, pooling in your lashes as you tried—desperately tried—to make sense of the unthinkable.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to wrench yourself away, shove the box back into his hands, throw it, crush it, anything—

But you couldn’t move.

Your body refused.

Terror had turned your limbs to dead weight, keeping you frozen as if one wrong move might make this nightmare even worse.

Satoru tilted his head, watching you. That flicker in your eyes.

Horror.

Fear.

Rejection.

His grin faltered. Just a little. Just enough.

That look shattered something inside him. Satoru's breath caught, his smile wavering at the edges as his fingers twitched, his entire body stilling. For the first time in his entire, untouchable life, Gojo Satoru felt small. Like a child who had spent days, weeks, months crafting the perfect gift, only for it to be thrown away before his eyes.

A slow, breathy laugh fell from his lips - unsteady, cracked at the edges, but still so devoted.

“Aww, baby,” he whispered, tilting his head, his fingers tracing the side of your wrist, thumb dragging over your rapid, panicked pulse.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

His voice was soft, teasing - but his grip on you was tight. The air grew heavier and thicker, the scent of blood still hanging between you like perfume.

You wanted to move.

You wanted to run.

But his fingers curled tighter around your wrist, and those crystal-clear, feverishly bright blue eyes locked onto yours, swimming with something too deep, too raw, too unhinged for you to break away.

“You’re not mad, are you?”

His voice was gentle, cooing, like he was humoring you, like you were simply being shy, overwhelmed, unsure of how to accept such an important gift. His free hand reached out, brushing your trembling hair away from your face, tucking a stray strand behind your ear.

“I mean, I did all this for you,” he murmured, voice feigning innocence, his lips curving into something softer, something that might have been mistaken for genuine hurt if it weren’t for the twisted madness shimmering beneath it.

His fingers slid down, grazing your cheek before resting against your collarbone, pressing - just slightly. Feeling the erratic flutter of your weak little heart, the heart he was so desperate to protect.

The heart that could have failed you at any moment.

The heart that was soon to be replaced.

"I went through so much trouble," he continued, his voice quieter, sadder, fraying at the edges. "Just to make sure you’d be okay, sped up the process even, to make sure we can be together."

A tremor ran through his shoulders, his lips parting like he was about to say something more, but instead, he only let out a soft, shuddering exhale. His princess was rejecting his love.

But he had to be strong.

He had to be brave.

For you.

And so, he forced himself to smile, to press another kiss to your forehead, to whisper sweet nothings into your skin, even as his heart shattered.

"I promise, my love, it won’t hurt. You won’t feel a thing."

Satoru's soft lips hovered over your ear, his voice a trembling whisper, thick with the kind of love that could ruin a man.

"And when you wake up, you’ll be all better." His fingers trailed over the silk restraints, his touch lingering against your pulse, feeling the frantic rhythm beneath your skin.

Everything was going to be okay.

You were just scared.

You loved him too.

Major heart surgery is a scary thing. You’re just scared.

And if the doctor made a mistake - if you so much as whimpered in pain, if there was a single second where you suffered, where the operation was anything less than perfect -

Well.

There was a reason he had a backup doctor waiting in the next room.

A little extra insurance.

Because nothing could go wrong.

Everything had to be perfect for you. His fingers slid beneath your chin, tilting your face toward him, pressing a lingering, feverish kiss to your trembling lips - a kiss full of devotion, of desperation, of a love so strong it had become a sickness.

His heart raced, his breath shaky, uneven, manic.

And then, in a voice so soft, so full of adoring madness, he whispered against your lips -

"Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart."

As the medication in the IV lulled your eyes to sleep, all you could feel were soft kisses - featherlight, desperate, pressed against your cheeks, your forehead, the corner of your lips.

A lover’s touch.

A farewell.

[upsidedowneye]

Happy Island Getaway

TW: Yandere Behaviors, Dubcon/intentions of noncon, Violence, Forced Captivity, Gun Violence, Gojo is a bit more on the feral/unhinged side. MDNI

Yandere! Gojo x Reader

a/n: This was supposed to be a cozy Animal Crossing thought... and then @raspberrietreats said “billionaire Gojo” and my brain spiraled. Thank you for your crimes 🫶 Now here we are: one sugar daddy, a fake plane crash, and a very reluctant bride.

Yandere! Gojo, who lounges lazily across the private island he bought just for you - so sweet, right? So romantic. A whole paradise with your name on it. Just the two of you. Isn’t he thoughtful?

So why, baby, why do you keep writing those little SOS messages in the nice warm sand?

He can’t help but smile behind his designer sunglasses, sipping from a chilled coconut as he watches you crouch near the shore, carefully arranging smooth white stones into a shaky, desperate H E L P M E. It’s adorable, really. He even chuckles a bit, brushing his snow-white hair back with one hand, his long legs stretched out on a ridiculously luxurious sun chair.

“You know I own the air rights to this place, right?” he calls lazily, voice teasing and light, like he’s talking about a parking ticket and not your failed rescue attempt. “No one’s even allowed to fly over without my permission. But points for creativity, princess.”

You don’t answer, at least not with words. Just hurling the coconut he gave you into the waves, salty tears brimming in your eyes, fingernails caked with blood and sand from trying to build a fire that wouldn’t light.

“Aw, c’mon now,” Satoru pouts, finally getting up and sauntering over. He squats beside you in the sand, the scent of salt and sunscreen clinging to his skin, long fingers idly brushing a stick out of your shaking hands. “You didn’t have to throw that,” he adds, a little sing-song, a little scolding. “The poor guy who carved it really didn’t deserve that. I mean, I did rip his tongue out afterwards, but still. It’s the principle, baby.”

You glare at him. He coos.

“I know you’re mad. I get it. Sure, maybe faking a plane crash wasn’t... super ethical. And yeah, flying my jet into the damn ocean might’ve been a little harmful to the environment, but how else was I supposed to make you stay with me?” His grin spreads slowly, sharklike. “Forever and ever. Just us. Isn’t that romantic?”

You don’t respond. You can’t. Not with your throat tight, hands trembling, sobs building thick in your chest.

He pulls out a sealed bottle of water, unscrews the cap with one hand, and presses it to your lips with the other.

“Thirsty, baby?” he murmurs, watching your expression with glittering eyes. “You’ve been working so hard today.”

And when you turn your head away, refusing even that, he just sighs, tilting your chin back gently with two fingers.

“Be good for me,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your salt-streaked cheek. “You’ll feel better once you stop fighting it.”

You take the smallest sip, the glare never leaving your face. Tears drip freely now, hot trails down skin already raw from sun and salt.

“Good girl,” he beams, voice bright like he’s praising a puppy. “See? If you keep that up - well! Maybe, just maybe, I’ll call someone to come pick us up.” His grin widens, dazzling and full of mockery. “But I’m having such a good time here, baby. Would be a real shame if you didn’t indulge with me.”

He takes your hand, lacing his fingers with yours like he hasn’t just destroyed your life, like you’re lovers on vacation. His thumb rubs slow circles against your wrist, almost tender. That crooked, boyish grin spreads across his face again - pretty, if you didn’t know better. If you didn’t see the rot behind it.

“We could be really good together,” he hums, tilting his head. “Not like you have any other options.”

And just like that, he pushes you gently back into the sand, the fine grains clinging to your skin and the tattered remains of your dress - god, your poor dress. It’s barely more than fabric now, after all the gifts you refused. The silks. The swimsuits. The sundresses. You stopped taking anything from him after you saw what he did - what he made of the staff. Tongueless. Broken. Just so you’d only ever speak to him.

“God, you’re so pretty,” he mutters, breath warm against your cheek. Then, quieter, almost under his breath: “Besides the grime. You could really use a shower, baby.”

Your stomach sinks. Heavy. Cold. Sinking like the plane he crashed, just a day ago, now rusting on the seafloor.

He leans in to kiss you, palm brushing over your chest with sickening familiarity. “C’mon, sugar. You always said you wanted a sugar daddy, and now that I’m playing the part… what? You don’t want me?”

He pouts, then grins again - baby blue eyes crinkling like he just cracked a joke only he understands. His lips find yours before you can twist away, tongue hot and invasive, tasting of coconut and cruelty. One hand creeps beneath your dress, fondling with your breas, the other pins your wrists above your head.

You bite down.

Hard.

Blood floods your mouth, metallic and hot. He jerks back, lips split, a crimson smear curling at the edge of his grin.

“Ow,” he whines, but his eyes are alight, wide and so terribly pleased. “Oh, baby. I had a plane coming.”

He sighs theatrically, licking the blood off his lip. “Guess you just lost your chance.”

Your breath stutters. Your eyes flick to his side - where the gun holster rests, sleek and silent.

He follows your gaze and laughs, loud and bright like waves crashing on coral.

“That’s okay,” he chirps. “I could use the longer vacation anyway.”

He leans down again, lips brushing your ear, breath warm and syrupy.

“Run if you want to, baby. I always catch what’s mine.”

You feel it. His hand loosening.

An invitation.

A test.

You scramble. The sand burns under your palms, jagged shells biting into your skin as you push yourself up and take off, stumbling and zigzagging toward the trees. Behind you, he lets out a low whistle and starts counting.

“One… two… three…”

He’s grinning. Wide. Wild. Like this is the best game he’s ever played. You’re fast - God, you’re fast - but he’s not worried. No, never that. Because when he hits ten, he raises his arm with surgical calm and -

Bang.

The bullet slices clean through the back of your leg, barely missing bone. Your scream splits the air as you hit the sand, limbs twisting, blood soaking into the shoreline.

“Don’t you know I’m a straight shot?” he sings, sauntering toward you, carefree as a boy in love. The gun is tossed aside like trash, clattering onto the beach behind him.

He crouches low beside you, knees digging into the sand, and brushes your tears away with those soft, unworked hands - fingers that have never lifted anything heavier than a silver spoon.

“Shhh, baby,” he coos, voice thick with mock concern. His grin stretches almost too wide. “I know it hurts. I know.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead, the blood from your leg staining the hem of his linen pants.

“But hey, bright side?” he chirps, voice lilting, eyes sparkling like you’re the guest of honor at some romantic dinner and not bleeding out in front of him. “Now we get to spend so much more time together. You can’t run anymore. Isn’t that sweet?”

You try to crawl - anything - but he just tilts his head and grabs your chin, thumb brushing your bottom lip.

“I mean, baby, think about it,” he murmurs, so close now. “You always said you wanted a sugar daddy. Someone rich. Someone handsome.” He kisses you again, sickeningly soft. “I am playing the part, right?”

“And now…” His voice lowers. Darkens. “Now we’re just gonna get married.”

You flinch when he leans in for another peck, right on your cheek, thumb still resting on your lower lip, dragging across the soft flesh.

He laughs, a soft and bright sound.

“But hey. Just a warning.” His thumb taps against your lips, thoughtful. “If you want to keep that pretty little tongue of yours, I suggest you say yes when I propose.”

He smiles so sweetly it makes your stomach twist.

“Wouldn’t want a mute wife, now would I?”

[upsidedowneye]

Satoru is one of the sweetest people you know.

He brings you flowers, makes you laugh, he even knows your favorite color. And he isn't shy to tell you how he feels.

He smiles when he asks you: "How is my pretty lady, doing?"

And you feel so horrible, because you do like him! It's just the timing.

It's been two months since you broke up with your boyfriend. Well honestly he broke up with you. It wasn't even messy just two people growing apart from each other. And he just didn't see a life with you anymore and you didn't either.

But you're still hurt. Still scared.

Scared of the butterflies, scared of watching the flowers welk over time, scared of getting undressed again, getting hurt again.

Scared to see the glint dim in those eyes again.

Satoru is a friend of a friend. You met him at a party, right after your break up. Shoko brought you with her, telling you to forget about your 'ass of an ex'.

But you didn't feel comfortable because you weren't even mad at your ex. You didn't want to drink your problems away, you wanted to take time. And when Satoru approached you, you were honestly not feeling well.

Satoru noticed.

He didn't press, didn't push just made light conversation. Asked for your name, your major, your interests, without making it too pushy, without making it too flirty.

Since then he slowly slipped into your everyday life, after one month he asked for your phone number with a smile. And you did give it to him.

And now he brings you flowers every sunday.

Today is sunday.

Satoru is sweet, even when you're not. Even when you search for distance, he doesn't make you feel crazy, he pulls back, he gives you space. When you start crying he isn't overwhelming, he knows the routine by now, he knows what to say and what not to say.

But his flowers scare you. They welk. Every sunday the old ones are completely dead.

"It's a waste of money you know." you say as he shows up again with a new bouquet of flowers. Their beauty trying to replace the old.

"They just welk. They are a pretty at first, but they get exhausted over time."

He is silent at first. But then he smiles that sweet sweet smile at you. "Why not dry them? You can keep a book with them between the pages. Of memories of me, your handsome and charming Satoru."

He winks while putting the new bouquet in a vase, while taking the old flowers out of it. He gently puts them on a towel.

"Just because they change doesn't mean they aren't pretty. Change isn't always bad."

Is it?

"I don't want you to keep spending so much money. I feel like I'm robbing you." you watched him as he took a book and opened it. Putting paper towels on the pages and putting one flower into at. Then he gently closed the book, putting over books on top.

"You're not robbing me, sweetheart. I love bringing you flowers. A different bouquet every time, for a new week." he looks up from the books with a quiet hum. "You can take the flower out of the book later and use new paper towels and a flat iron to speed up the process. Then it should be perfect."

"It's not just the flowers." you were mumbling.

"I'm stealing your time, Satoru."

You weren't ready. His eyes have that glint that scare you. You are scared to lose that image of you. One day he will also realize how you really are. One day he will also not be able to see a future with you. And you are not ready to get attached again. You are not ready to see the flowers welk again.

Satoru is so sweet. So cruelly sweet that even now he looks at you like he understands. Like he wants you to steal his time, no share his time with him.

"You're not. I know what I am doing."

"Then stop." you look away, tears are starting to come up. "I'm just not- I don't want to disappoint you."

"It's okay, I won't be mad at how you feel."

Tears are falling from your stupid eyes. "You don't get, Satoru, I don't think it's healthy for you to be so close to me. You are so nice, so-" hiccup "You are so sweet to me and I feel so bad because-"

"You do not owe me love."

You look back at him and through your blurry view you can see how he still smiles at you. A gentle quiet smile.

"I didn't bring you flowers to buy your love, I brought them to make you feel special. I want to make you smile again." he pauses and now it's his time to look away. "Because I like you."

"And it's okay if you don't like me back. If I make you uncomfortable with that I will respect that and try to get over you. But one thing is important to me."

He stops and another hiccup leaves your lips.

"Do you not like me? Or is it something else?"

And you completely break down. You cry and it's not pretty. While sniffing you somehow cry out words. "It's not that! I don't-" you huff for air.

"I do like you, Satoru. But I am not -" the overwhelming feeling is too much and you stop again.

"I'm scared. I'm not ready yet."

You turn away and try to calm yourself but the tears keep going, the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of abandonment after your break up on your mind.

You heard Satoru standing up and slowly approaching you. His presence behind you noticeable but not pushing.

"That's okay. We don't have to be in a relationship. Not now."

You glance at him, seeing his sweet eyes, eyes with that glint.

"But you don't have to push me away. I understand your fear and I don't expect you to overcome it immediately. But I want to help you on that journey. I want to be there for you until you are ready. Until you feel comfortable."

His voice stutters. "If you want me to."

Satoru was sweet. The sweetest person you knew, he showed you compassion even then when he didn't have to. He was there for you in a time when it didn't bring him immediately into your arms. But that was okay for him. Because he wanted to.

"I would like that." you muttered as you tried to dry your eyes, but tears where still falling. "But only if your patience allows it. I don't want to hurt you."

He gently lifts his arm, stops before your face as if he was asking. As you blinked at him he started to dry your cheeks for you.

"Then I will be here. Because I want to."

Satoru and you weren't a couple. But he was the most important person for you, your rock helping you with not drowning in your fear. Wounds don't just disappear. But they can be treated.

Satoru and you may not be a couple yet, but you were just starting.

I don't wanna get undressed for a new person all over again

[upsidedowneye]

HEAR ME OUT. TELL ME Y’ALL SEE THE VISION IMMEDIATELY.

satoru gojo is the hot mess heir to a political empire. not a real politician. just the kind who goes viral for saying, "honestly, i think more senators should be sexy."

you’re a journalist. you write about real things—corruption, nepotism, the tragic death of ethical standards—and yet. somehow. every week, you end up writing about him.

he shows up at your press conferences. gets caught on camera mid-wink. once sent you a bouquet of white roses after you called him a “walking diplomatic hazard” in print. he signed the card: “you forgot 'hot'.”

your editor thinks you're obsessed. your coworkers whisper. you keep getting anonymous tips about where he'll be—some gala, some scandal, some airport in rome shirtless with a wine glass—it doesn’t matter. you go.every. single. time.

and every single time, he catches you.

“oh my god,” he says, flashing his teeth, sunglasses halfway down his nose. “are you stalking me?”

“this is my job,” you say, like that means anything to him.

“you’re obsessed,” he grins. “honestly? it’s a little sexy.”

and then he walks away, leaving you red-faced with your press badge and a notebook full of quotes you’ll never publish.

(what you don’t know is: he sends the tips. he watches your articles go up like clockwork. every headline you write with his name in it is printed and pinned above his bed. like trophies. he treats the exposés you write about him as love letters.)

and the next time he sees you? he doesn't even wait for you to settle in, doesn't give you a second to breathe before he's smirking and saying, “jesus, you're here again? you need a restraining order or a diary.”

and then softer yet somehow crueler, “or is this just how you flirt?”

a/n: i’m actually gnawing at drywall from the need to write this. like. do you understand the spiritual pull of writing a reader who’s just trying to do her job but keeps catching this menace shirtless??? every time you follow a tip, he's coincidentally halfway into a pool, toweling off in front of a mirror, or just. inexplicably sweaty in a silk button-down that’s never actually buttoned. your editor’s like, “why do your pieces keep going viral?” and you’re just staring blankly at the analytics spike the moment THOSE EIGHT-PACK ABS hit the frame.

[upsidedowneye]

Satoru Gojo’s cursed abilities began to manifest at the age of two. By five he could read and write with ease, he could do basic arithmetic, and had better special reasoning than most adults. It was a given that his secondary traits would manifest early, and the clan was happy to welcome a dominant alpha to the family. Except—

He wasn’t.

The revelation that their messiah was an omega, frankly, appalled most of the Gojo Clan, but they wouldn’t deny their interest in a few incredibly powerful offspring.

By the time Satoru had truly and fully manifested at the age of fourteen, they had already thrown a few dozen alpha suitors his way — he had his pick of any of them, he could just drop out and raise children like a good omega. Except— he wouldn’t.

Satoru insisted on school, where it quickly became apparent that he would outclass even the strongest alphas. The clan was once again disgusted with him; the way he behaved, his strength and charisma, it simply wasn’t like an omega. He should be demure, and sweet, and happy to let everyone else order him around. Except he wasn’t.

He showed absolutely no signs of omega tendencies, except for infrequent heats, which were so mild he didn’t even need to take time off school. The clan had hopes that maybe that alpha boy he was always hanging around would get Satoru to settle down and mate, but no luck. When asked about this, Satoru said he found alphas “boring,” and would “rather drink bleach than fuck one.” The clan decided it would be best to wait a few years before broaching the topic of marriage again.

It wasn’t until his final year at Jujutsu High that Satoru showed any sign of libido at all. Lounging on the porch, ignoring his English tutor, staring out as the gardener tended to the koi pond. Then— Satoru bolted upright.

The tutor startled. “What? What is it?”

Satoru pointed. “Who is that?”

It took a second for the old man to spot who he was referring to. Someone else had joined the Gardner at the pond, peering down into the golden arc of fish. “The groundskeeper’s child.” A follow up question formed on his lips, “Why—“

Why are you interested when you’ve never shown an inkling of curiosity about anyone else in your entire life? But it died just as quick.

Satoru was staring at the gardener’s child with a look that could only be described as hungry. The shortened breath, dilated eyes, and flushed cheeks were unmistakable, although the unhinged grin he wore was a bit unusual (and unsettling). Nevermind whatever was going on below the belt.

“I want her,” Satoru said. Unshakable, bottomless lust— now that was just like an omega. Finally, he was experiencing a true heat, triggered by the presence of a potential mate.

Except—

“Gojo… that’s a beta.”

[upsidedowneye]

Cutest Girl Alive~

tw: explicit content. brat!reader, gojo is not a brat tamer he is a brat enjoyer, hate sex vibes, very very tsundere!reader, gojo is hilariously oblivious about how annoying he is, reader is kinda mean (not without reason...)

satoru gojo who just doesn't know what your problem is.

he really doesn't! suguru doesn't believe him, of course, but it's true - he didn't do anything. at least not anything that would warrant you asking if his "inbred, illiterate ass is too important to file a report".

ichiji said it was just because his paper backlog made things difficult for everybody. but the inbreeding comment was uncalled for!

his mom is super hot, though. he told you as much, and offered to set up a date, just in case you swung the other way.

unfortunately, the only thing that swung was your hand against his face, which didn't make contact, but it still hurt his feelings!

(you'd looked him dead in the eye. "good." walked away.)

and that wasn't just an isolated incident!

he'd caught you at the vending machine, bent over. satoru had politely refrained from slapping your ass and loudly announced how hot it was.

perfect gentleman!

whereupon you had turned around, smiling tightly, and offered him the soda.

"see," he teased, cracking it open, "i knew you could be nice if-"

the soda sprayed all over his face. your smile looked a little looser, a little realer, and your laugh - while awful and wicked - had been terribly adorable.

when he started to laugh with you, though, you just glared. rolled your eyes, and walked off in the middle of the conversation.

and just. random moments! your face falls into an admittedly cute pout (suguru says it's a grimace) whenever he walks into the room.

"how's your day been?"

"good, until you got here."

like, he's not crazy here. you're just being mean.

honestly, it's kind of funny. or it would be funny, if it didn't kind of hurt a little.

suguru doesn't get the same kind of response. when he begs, pleads, and bribes suguru into asking you what you don't like about him -

"if i had to say... everything."

whereupon suguru had burst out laughing.

mean!

but that's the thing, though. you were nice to suguru, to everyone else.

you're not a bitch. you're a bitch to him.

he's special.

you don't treat anybody else like this.

why is that, satoru ponders. why do you especially dislike him?

suguru says it's his shitty personality. joke's on suguru because his best friend has been some guy with a shitty personality for about a decade now! loser.

anyways, he comes up with a plan. he texts you from another phone and number, something perfectly random and polite. a picture of a cat he found on the street.

(you love cats so you'll definitely respond. he knows because he's been popping in on you for several weeks now. it's not stalking because he doesn't follow you! and that was so rude of suguru to say!)

the conversation that follows is perfectly pleasant. sweet, even. he enjoys it, right up until -

mean girl <3: hey could you do me a huge favor actually? satoru gojo: anything 4 u kitten!! mean girl <3: kill yourself gojo

his number is blocked.

whoops. wow. do you have a built in satoru gojo detector or something? what is he missing? what gave him away???

suguru looks over the texts and just stares at him blankly at the question.

"well? what could have clued her in?"

"oh, god... satoru, if you can't tell, just forget about it. and stop trying to fool her."

he probably should. stop, that is.

he's not following you but he's definitely teleporting into places he knows you'll be. trying to run into you. constantly. daily. hourly, even.

he likes to stay updated on all your missions. your favorite restaurants. maybe he watches you a little.

there's just something that draws him in. your quick wits, your derision. the way you look at him with all that fire.

you want to laugh at him. he wants to laugh with you.

and yeah, he gets rock hard when you yell at him. he'd let you slap him but you don't bother trying anymore after hitting his infinity that one time. bummer.

it's a late summer evening - sun still up, orange on the horizon. he's stuck filling out reports, you're stuck grading papers.

in silence, as always. you'd never speak to him unless it was to insult him.

"hey," satoru says all the sudden, "you wanna fuck?"

the silence that fills the room is colder, harder -

"are you fucking serious?" insulted, outraged - that's about what he expected.

but... if he looks with the six eyes... if he glances at your sympathetic nervous system, if he squints really hard and swears three times over, maybe he can convince himself -

"you're not totally against the idea, are you?" he draws himself up from the table, smirking.

hooking a finger in his blindfold like he's trying to remind you just how long they are.

you stare at him.

"dead serious," he confirms, "right here right now. i can be fast."

"i don't doubt it." oooh, there's that bite again, "i doubt i'd enjoy it."

his smile bares teeth.

"wanna bet?"

and fuck, just look at you now. look at you!

with all six eyes he is. and satoru likes what he sees.

hunched over, teary eyed. face bright red. you used to scowl at him with that face, that pretty face, all hard lines and snarled lips -

and look at you now! so cute and precious and soft! so sweet he wants to take a bite out of you.

you even yelp, adorably, when he nips at the inside of your thigh. sensitive, twitchy.

he's dizzy with it. with the taste of you, of your cum. your high pitched little whimpers in his ears are still ringing in his ears, along with your mean retorts.

"where's your smart mouth now, baby?" he teases, lips glossy with your slick.

and god, it's even fucking hotter watching you try to glare while blushing and trembling and blinking away tears of overstimulation.

"sh-shut up and put your dick in me, gojo," you bite out, "if you even know how."

you jolt when he kisses your cunt, looking you in the eyes while he does it.

"awh, you poor thing," he cooes, crawling up your chest to go face-to-face, even as another hand goes to dig his cock out of his pants, "so impatient."

he can tell it riles you up. that you don't know what to do, trapped in his gaze.

"fuck off, gojo."

"i'll fuck you," he says with a snicker, kissing your throat. like he knows you won't let him kiss your lovely little pouty face.

how could he not have seen it before?

(well, he had his blindfold on for one. but the principle of you being unsettled by your attraction towards him still stands!)

he lines himself up, nice and easy. feels your unsteady hands reach, cling to his shoulders, and that's almost as hot.

you look down to avoid his gaze, but then your eyes widen at the sight of his cock. huge and pink and throbbing.

"yummy, right?" he croons, "you can have a taste after if you want. you're so sweet, you deserve a lick or two."

you make this sharp gasp, the most adorable, helpless noise, your whole body jerking as he plunges into you, and satoru nearly cums just from that.

cute. cute cute cute cute so fucking cute he's gonna go crazy.

he bites at the place your shoulder meets your neck just to sate himself. soft skin, tender flesh. salty and slick from sweat.

you melt in his mouth. around his dick. whimpering and sniffling and mewling little demands.

"get on with it, gojo, fuck, is this your first time - "

"first time fucking a cunt this wet?" he purrs between sucking marks on your neck, "yeah, baby. it's crazy, how much you want me."

"you went down on me for like," another high-pitched squeak as he nips your ear, "t-ten minutes, dumbass. of course i'm wet!"

your hands claw at him, trembling just like your voice.

he shoves himself in, all the way to the hilt, disintegrating any coherence you had left. all you can do is cry out, wailing when his long fingers brush over your poor, swollen, tender clit.

"awh, baby, you can take it," he croons. his heart does a little delighted flutter when he sees your (utterly kissable) lips purse in annoyance, only to fall apart again when he pumps back into you.

"run out of nasty things to say, huh, baby?" satoru swears he can feel your pretty little clit twitching and pulsing at his touch, just like his cock throbs inside you.

his eyes glitter as he thrusts in and out. god, your hot fucking body tensing and shuddering against him, the exhaustion warring with pleasure and aggravation on your face.

there's not a single part of you that isn't utterly fixated on him. in this moment he's the most important thing in your world.

and it's glorious. your cunt is clenching him like a vice, unraveling him almost as far as he's already unwound you. little moans spill from your mouth, music to his ears.

that face, god, that fucking gorgeous face that's always frowning at him. so pretty now.

"look at you," he pants, close so close, "god, you're - such a bitch all the time - you just needed a good fucking, huh?"

satoru snatches your face by the jaw, looking you straight in the eyes.

they're all wet and messy and a little bit red. he's so close he has to press hard, fast circles into your clit to get you closer, closer -

"f-fuck," you sob, "fuck, hngh, you-"

he licks your tears off your cheeks, "just needed some good cock, huh? that's all it takes to shut your mean little mouth?"

clawing at his back. he feels you squeezing him for all he's worth, milking him -

"fuck, i'm cumming," he groans, bursting hot and liquid in your tight cunt.

you gulp down heavy, airy breaths. delicate noises as you tremble in his arms.

fuck, you're so gorgeous. satoru lays you back, your lashes fluttering, face flushed, spread out on the desk all limp and exhausted.

his ravished beauty. his little spitfire.

"see," he cooes, cupping your cheek, "all sweet for me now that you're filled with my cum. see how nice it feels when you're good for me?"

your hands shoot up, slapping his hand away, covering your face.

"your mouth is literally only good for eating pussy."

he laughs, leaning in to hold you against him. "and yours is only good for talking shit."

"maybe if you weren't such an asshole you'd know better." you snap, pulling back, sliding him out of you with a little gasp that gets his cock twitching again.

he whines at the loss of you, "awh, come on, don't be like that."

you roll your eyes. it's pretty incredible how well you're composing yourself, fixing your clothes and hair. taking a deep breath as you pointedly ignore his pestering and prepare to leave.

his bitchy, pretty baby. so much less intimidating when he's seen you moaning and cumming in his mouth - but he thinks you're even more adorable now.

"i gave you more than your fair share of orgasms, didn't i? show me what else it's good for~" he sings, staring at you the whole time.

you ignore him until you're dressed again. glancing at him from the corner of your eye. turning away.

"...next week after class." you say, stopping just before you leave, "i don't like owing people."

"heh." satoru watches you dart out the door, shutting it briskly behind you, smiling to himself.

maybe you thought he couldn't see it - as if he isn't always watching your face - but just before you left, he could tell.

the faintest dusting of pink on your cheeks...

you really are the cutest girl alive, huh?

(megumi tells him to stop whistling that day - he doesn't stop for an entire week.)

[upsidedowneye]

Heartline Gone Flat

Sequel to: Beat Your Heart to Death

tw: explicit content, extremely unhealthy relationships. gojo/geto, gojo/reader, geto/reader, stsg/reader. female!reader. pining. mind games. catfishing. non-consensual filming. extremely under-negotiated kinks. safe? maybe. sane? it's INsane. consensual? allegedly.

bondage. knife play. it gets fucking crazy. no one retains any degree of sanity by the end of this fic. every single character is deathly allergic to honest/healthy communication. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

You're not stupid. You notice the cameras.

It's not easy, mind you. Suguru - it had to be Suguru, Satoru didn't have this kind of calculated approach to anything - had hidden them reasonably well.

But the flash of a light, a glint where there shouldn't be one... suddenly you were finding cameras everywhere.

At first, you wondered. Why the hell would they bother spying on you? They already fucked in the living room. Groped each other right in front of your salad.

And then, this one time. Suguru had just finished eating their little hookup girlfriend out, his lips still wet and sticky while he lifted up his head.

He met your eyes. Dark and violet and... hungry. He didn't look away. All his pretty words, all the honeyed excuses that you know would pour from his lips, and he didn't look away.

No, your gaze was only broken by a head of white hair, Satoru pulling in to steal a kiss. Blue eyes glinting at you, so bright you have to look away.

He'd wanted you to see. They both had.

You know it, now. But why are they watching you?

And you think back.

Missing panties. Your vibrator dying on you constantly. Your lube running out. Your toothbrushes wearing out quickly.

Suguru does the laundry. He knows where everything is, like the clean freak malewife mother hen he is. Satoru keeps using your bathroom even though he and Suguru have their own.

So they're fucking with you. They're fucking in front of you. They're spying on you while you try to fuck yourself.

All that and they won't fuck you, won't even try.

Why? Why why WHY WHY! What do they want? What are they fucking doing?

Suguru won't tell you. He'll deny it's even happening. Satoru -

You don't like that shimmer. The way his eyes seem to stare right through you. His ethereal beauty.

The lurch in your chest every time he looks at you.

You'd had time to come to terms with your crush on Suguru. It had been a slow burn, a low simmer, a pull in the back of your mind that makes you nod your head and smile and sigh every time he asks you for something, every time he makes some excuse.

Suguru was comfortable. A well-loved, soft blanket you couldn't bear to wash, couldn't sleep without.

What you feel for Satoru makes you want to throw up. Shove him down, bite into his fucking neck and eat his heart straight out of his chest.

Every time you see him with Suguru it makes your fingers twitch. Your cunt clenches - do you want him inside you? Do you want Suguru inside you instead? Do you want his pretty mouth pressed up between your legs, pretty blue eyes gazing up at you, tearing up as he suffocates on your cunt?

Who the fuck knows. But you want, you know you want him. Like nothing you've ever wanted before in your life.

But you can't have him. You can't have anything, and, as far as you can tell, they're fucking taunting you with it.

So when you see the cameras... the next time you catch them fucking, Satoru moaning loudly, as if exaggerated, Suguru muttering dirty talk that could have come straight out of a porn script -

Well.

If they're filming you... and if they're so determined to be your personal porn stars...

Why not oblige them?

There's this man at the club that Suguru doesn't like.

They try not to bring men back too often. Women work better, make you more jealous. And he'll admit he doesn't like the thought of Satoru wanting a dick that's not his. He knows Satoru feels the same.

Though, with the way this pink-haired, tattooed man is looking at him, it looks like Satoru's whore instincts have gotten ahead of him.

"Who the fuck is that guy?" He whispers, bitingly, a hand over Satoru's hip. Mean, grasping.

Satoru laughs, but it's an uncertain sound. "Sukuna, I think. I remember him from tinder a couple years ago."

"Matched with him?"

"Guess so."

They don't have to wait long to see what the guy wants. How he glares at them both. Larger hands snatching Satoru's wrist, glaring down as Suguru when he tries to shove him back.

"Whore," Sukuna spits, glaring down at Satoru, "I paid you good money and you fucking blocked me?"

What?

"The fuck are you talking about?" Satoru snaps, as Suguru's mind races.

Is Satoru fucking around? But they spend every moment together. And he sounds genuine.

Sukuna isn't dissuaded. He snarls and sneers and acts like Satoru is playing dumb, until he finally pulls out his phone, revealing a series of DMs with someone called...

SatoSugu <3

What?? Who???

"You told me you weren't exclusive with your little boyfriend here," Sukuna growls, "Guess that was a fucking lie, too. Keep a leash on your slut, yeah, Daddy Suguru?"

And though Suguru does like to think of himself as having paternal energy - for a man like Sukuna, that's a bit on the nose.

Satoru recognizes some of the pictures on the DMs, though.

They're selfies (thirst traps, really) that he's sent... to you.

It only takes a little digging from there. SatoSugu <3 is an OnlyFans account - and a big one.

There's regular uploads. It's full of shots of the two of them, sometimes shorts, sometimes even videos a few minutes long.

The angles are a big scuffed but the audio is usually good. Some of them look like they might have been recorded from a phone -

And they're all set inside your shared home.

"Well, well, well," Satoru says, sounding much more composed than Suguru is feeling, "Looks like we got more of an audience than we were looking for, huh?"

At least most of these are showing his good side. Oh, he looks hot in that one...

He remembers that time, too, where Suguru was especially pent up...

Satoru scrolls through the feed with a smile on his face.

He pays the subscription fee, too - ooh, you were making good money off of this - and licks his lips at all the saucy content.

Really, he should be thanking you for the archive. But after using them to make money without their knowledge, surely you owed them at least one... collaboration.

Suguru does not feel the same.

It's not a surprise - Satoru has always had a bit of an exhibitionist streak.

For him, it was different. Satoru had his own ways of being territorial, but Suguru was possessive, in a dark, heady way Satoru loved to stoke.

You were allowed to see because you were theirs. You were a part of this relationship, whether you knew it or not. Even if you hadn't claimed their bodies yet, you had their hearts.

Random girls they brought home - those were unimportant. Quickly discarded. Tools to be used to make you jealous; they got only as much contact as was strictly necessary, and no more.

But this?

Showing them off - showing his Satoru, the one he'd so carefully reduced to tears and quivering. His strong, beautiful Satoru, full of energy and slutty dramatics, meant exclusively for your eyes and his?

And him; you've been pining for Suguru for years. Now you're letting strangers see him in his most intimate moments?

It's... diabolical. Exploitative. A master stroke of manipulation, taking advantage of their attempt to make you jealous, reducing it to a moneymaking scheme.

As much as he hates to agree with Satoru, it is kind of a turn on.

He can't quite call it a betrayal. You must have found the cameras they'd planted, set some of your own, knowing they might not notice the extras.

There's a special sort of rage billowing in his chest at the thought of everyone who got to see him and Satoru without his consent. But he's not so foolish as to think he didn't have this coming.

The question was, why did you do it? Are you angry? Are you trying to profit off them?

Knowing Satoru, he'd be pleased with either answer. But Suguru wants more.

Suguru wants anger. He wants your gut to sear with fury like his does, he wants you to be seething at the both of them. Apoplectic.

The time to prod you, taunt you, lead you into making a move is over. This is your answer - infuriating and enrapturing.

His mind twists and turns at Satoru's suggestion. Collaboration.

Turnabout is fair play, after all. And nothing quite turns him on like scheming and fucking.

Perhaps he and Satoru will have to make the first move. This battle is yours... but the war?

Oh, it's only just begun.

When you do meet their accusations, you do so head-on, shameless.

"Oh?" Your tone is tinged with mock innocence, "I didn't realize you had a problem with people watching you. Sorry about that."

There's not an inch of apology in your voice, of course.

In fairness, it wasn't even an unreasonable assumption. They'd fucked in plain view in your living room.

"That doesn't explain the man." Suguru says, unwilling to even say Sukuna's name.

But you know what you did. He knows you do.

You meet his eyes with a gaze you've never shown him before, heavy with the new arrival of old grudges. It hits him like a hunger pang.

"I thought you were looking for a third." You say. "You're always bringing people back home. I didn't think you were exclusive."

Suguru savors the bitterness in your voice. Why not me, you never asked me, it should have been me.

Delectable. Every last chocolate-coated note of longing burnt to a crisp.

"So you pretended to be Satoru?" The white-haired dog of a man slinks up to his side, arms crossed. As if he cared.

Their eyes lock onto the pink slip of your tongue licking between your lips.

"It looked like a perfect match. You've both got a preference," You drone, "Strong guys, tall guys. He's stronger and taller than either of you, and his dick is bigger, too."

That has them freezing up. Tense. Air thickening with it.

He can feel Satoru nearly vibrating next to him. Straining against an invisible leash.

"That doesn't mean you can just impersonate us."

You fix him with a look the tired fingers of his thoughts are not able to unwind. Suguru could spend hours looking at you, picking apart every single inch of your expression.

He'd love every second of it.

"So?" You ask, challenge in your tone.

He smiles, eyes half-lidded as he closes in. "So, we both agreed... if we're going to be on the page, it's only fair if you go on there with us."

You take a step back, but it's not far enough. Satoru's lean, muscled form presses into you from the side.

"Yeah, babe," Satoru sings, "Isn't it time for you to upload? Come on, we can't disappoint the masses."

Boxed in, walled off. Suguru crowds you with the heat of his body, broad shoulders.

Ah, there it is. The nervous flick of your eyes, the tightening of your expression. Readying yourself for the crash.

Like white water breaking against the rocks. You've always been so malleable to him, so predictable in your moods, and yet somehow vaster and greater than he could ever command.

He thinks your lips on his, your waist encircled in his arms, is a fine start to mastery.

Of course, Satoru can never let him have anything - arms tug at his shoulders, a chest closing in from the side.

He moves to sandwich you between them, letting Satoru slot himself behind you. He knows it already, in the cracked blue intensity of Satoru's gaze, Suguru knows he's hard, desperate to grind himself against you.

"Oh, but you're not into me, are you?" You brandish the words like a dagger, "And we've been friends for so long, Suguru. We're all roommates, too. I wouldn't want to make things weird between us."

The pointed barb makes him laugh in spite of himself.

You still won't say it. Won't say you want them. You don't push them away, don't do anything to stop this -

You want him to say it first. And if Suguru isn't careful, Satoru might just sell them out to get his dick wet.

So he smirks, letting one hand trail down and underneath your waistband. Grasping your face by the chin and tilting it to look towards a planted camera. Satoru takes the chance to kiss your cheek.

"Oh, we play with girls all the time, Satoru and I, and you didn't mind recording," he purrs into your ear, knowing this isn't what you want to hear. "Don't you think you owe this to us? After putting us up without our permission, you should at least put yourself out there too, no?"

"Yeah," Satoru says, like the obedient, horny lackey he is, "What he said."

How eloquent.

"Since you both agreed on this," You say beneath lowered lashes - but this close, Suguru can feel how your cheeks have warmed, "You must have an idea of what you want to do with me."

Anything. Everything. He wants to toss you down, eat you up, watch Satoru fuck you from a million angles while he directs, fuck Satoru while he fucks you and vice versa -

But he can't let you goad him into saying it. Even under pressure like this, you're trembling, but not as trapped prey. You're burning from the inside out, fighting the urge to grab and hold and have them.

"Oh, I know we do. Satoru," He purrs, "Come here and help our dear roommate put on a real show, would you?"

Satoru groans as he thrusts into you. Hand on hip. Clingy, needy.

"Did you like it," he pants in your ear, like he's the one getting fucked, "Did you like showing us off? Showing me off?"

Egging himself on. A match that lights itself and burns up too close to your fingertips.

He has you on his lap, too close and yet not close enough. Facing forward, towards the camera in Suguru's hands (is it even turned on? you can't tell, can't look away from the hunger in those violet eyes).

Satoru's other hand winds around your ribcage, clasping one of your breasts, squeezing and groping freely.

"Showing that prick my - hngh, my selfies just for you?" He whispers, "Did you have fun pretending to be me? Teasing him, then blocking him? Did you think to yourself, you'll never have him anyways, you can never have my Satoru?"

A laugh comes out from his mouth, thundering through you, his muscled chest pressed to your back.

You want to see him. Pretty, beautiful Satoru - he's finally fucking you, and you can't look him in the eyes.

Suguru does. Suguru's eyes flick towards him, meeting his gaze. Just over your shoulder.

After all those years lusting for him, you finally have him and you can't even have him.

And it's glorious. It feels amazing, like nothing you've felt in your entire life.

He's good, so good at this, pressing into you just hard enough, just enough friction, the hand on your hip darting over to rub over your clit while he whispers his dirty talk in your ear.

"Did you like leading him on only to dump him? Wanna keep me all to yourself?" His voice is hot, breathy, dripping with thrilled arousal.

"Answer him." Suguru says, and he sounds so faraway, even though he's right there.

Watching. Filming. Directing, even.

Satoru's only fucking you because he told him to. The circles over your clit send you clenching, quivering, and Satoru whispers for you to answer, come on, did you like it? Do you like them?

"Of course," You choke on the words, "It was fun messing with Sukuna. But I felt bad for him, you know? Catfishing is one thing, but it would be cruel to inflict the real you on him."

There's a laugh from Suguru, even as Satoru's fingers dig into you. He leans over your shoulder just enough to stare at you from the corner of your eyes. Grinning.

You meet Satoru's crystal-blue gaze, lips curling into a shaky smirk.

"You're such a whore," You drawl to his face, gasping as he thrusts harder (his cock throbs at the word whore, this goddamn slut), "You vain fucking bitch, you love flirting, showing off your body, but I know when you and Suguru fuck, you make him do all the work."

Reaching around with one hand, grasping the toned tightness of his ass, you squeeze - even as a swipe of his fingers over your clit takes your breath away.

"Yeah? Then what am I doing now, babe?" Those eyes glitter at you. Satoru's locked on you, not looking away for an instant.

He's so fucking beautiful, all smirking and shining and heavenly flesh against your own.

And you feel Suguru's gaze like a leaden weight. Lick your lips.

(He's not yours. You can't have him.)

"Suffering, probably," You dig your nails into his ass and he hisses, cock twitching inside you, "Poor little pillow princess Gojo having to put in some effort for once."

Satoru's smile bares teeth at your use of his surname.

(Don't, Suguru mouths in warning, while your attention is fixed on him.)

"Ha!" It's a dry laugh, biting, feral, the words he wants to say stuck in his throat, "Fuck you!"

"You are," Suguru drawls, "Poorly."

"And fuck you, too, bitch, your hole is next," Satoru pants, thrusting hard and fast.

(He wants wants want wants WANTS. But Suguru wants, too. And he has you now, doesn't he?)

You keen as he drives into you, quick movements, fast circles over your clit that match the friction in your cunt. Closer, closer.

Something in his face spurs you on. Heart racing the words out of your mouth, "You gonna cry when you cum, baby?"

Taunting, snide, the words don't match the way your chest lurches as he hits a spot inside you, and heat spurts in your lower half.

It's agonizing and ecstatic; the hand not coaxing your clit into bursts of heady pleasure grasps your breast, clutching you back against him.

There's a noise from across the room, a shift or something, but it feels so loud to your ears. Like Suguru refuses to be ignored. Even in this one perfect moment of your fantasies come through -

Or maybe you just like him too much to forget he's here. To keep yourself from glancing over at him.

But Satoru isn't looking at Suguru. He hooks his chin over your shoulder, leaning his face into your neck as he groans, languid thrusts of his release jerking against your hips.

You feel wetness against your neck, hot, slick. Licking at you.

"No, but maybe you will," He purrs, sucking marks into your skin.

Hands roaming. Legs hooking over yours, limbs wrapped around you, refusing to let go.

You blink, hard, and no tears come out. Must be dehydration.

Suguru's eyes are burning holes in you. Even Satoru stiffens behind you. (His cock stiffens, too - is he really that much of a whore, or has Suguru trained him or something?)

"Ah-ah-ahhh," Suguru tuts, but it's a cold sound.

His eyes are sharp, pointed, "That can't be all. This is for the audience, after all. You should put on a good show."

It's almost malevolent, how he relished in your expression when reminding you of the shared pretense.

You meet his eyes with your own burning gaze.

"This is all for content, right?" The words are full of malice, of challenge.

You match him, smile for hateful smile.

"We should do things you two haven't done before."

Suguru had to hand it to you.

He didn't expect Satoru to be the first person to peg him.

Oh, technically, perhaps it could be considered from you. After all, it had been inside you, first.

"I seem to have run out of lube," You'd explained coyly, "You don't mind, though, right? Here, I'll donate some of my own."

So Suguru had sat and filmed while Satoru fucked the dildo into you. Rubbing it over your cunt even though you swatted at him, rushing him to put it in and lube it up.

Your hands on Satoru's dick in return, grasping tight and unforgiving. Like he wasn't already hard enough. Jerking him until he spurted all over your palm.

You rubbed that on the dildo, too, once he'd pulled it out of you. You couldn't stop a tight hiss at that.

Suguru keeps the vision of it in his mind's eye as Satoru fingers him open. Hands still wet with his cum and yours.

(It keeps him hard. That little gasp you made, breathy, a touch overstimulated, so soon after your last release.

What a large refractory window. He wants to break it open.)

The dildo is hot pink, bulging. Suguru had mocked it when they'd found it in your cabinet. Satoru thought it was cute.

By the smirk on his face, his opinion hasn't changed.

"Get on with it," Suguru grunts, shifting his legs to give him better access. Glancing at you, camera in hand. Eyes locked.

"Yeah, yeah," Satoru says, blithe as ever. Rubbing the dildo's bulbous, silicone head against his hole, "Coming right up, cockslut."

He can't help a scoff. "You're one to talk."

He's still half-worried Satoru will confess his undying love to you just to get his dick wet. Give up the game before it's really started.

"Wonder what the title for this should be?" You muse, "Slutty twink ruins goth's hole, no lube? You guys sell so well."

Suguru almost chokes out a laugh at that. You and Satoru, cut from the same cloth. He'd seen it earlier.

A pair of whores talking each other through it.

(It's never failed to make his blood burn.)

"I think we're owed a little more participation from you," Suguru licks his lips, "Come over here."

A trickle of desire he lets through. Just a droplet, really.

He watches your eyes dilate at the sight.

(Oh, you want him. You want him you want him you want him you want him and it's the most potent aphrodisiac he's ever known.)

The camera is abandoned on the table. Maybe he was in frame, maybe he wasn't.

What's far more important is you, between his legs, as Satoru sits him back on his lap. Up on his thighs, giving him space to slowly drive the dildo in.

And even though Satoru's face must be just behind him, a grin he can hear - Suguru knows you're staring at him. Trapped in his gaze.

Your hands crawl up his thighs. Shaking as Satoru stretches him. Working up to the cock that's now tall and pulsing against his lower abdomen.

The hunger in your eyes makes him tense. He's leaky already, not from how expertly Satoru is nudging his prostate, but from how you look at him like a dog staring at a steak after it's been told no.

Your eyes glancing between him and his cock.

Something flutters in his stomach. Burns in his gut. Soars in his chest.

This is love, isn't it? It must be love, this high he sees looking at your face pressed against his dick like you can't quite believe you're there.

(Finally finally finally fuck - )

He chokes, arching his back and moaning. Wincing his eyes shut to hide how they water.

Satoru's hand grasps at his hips, the other one shoving in - tight, tight, fuck, it burns -

And then it's soft, and wet, and perfect, your lovely mouth opening up around his dick.

Tongue gliding over it like you can lick away years of longing. Savor the fruit of your yearning. Devour him entirely.

He feels like he's melting. Red-hot bursts of pleasure as Satoru pumps into him and you - your eyes - fuck fuck fuck your mouth, warm and melting around his cock until he can't tell where he ends and you begin.

His hand reaches your face before he knows it. Cupping your cheek.

What face is he making right now? He can't think about it, can't think about anything but him inside your mouth and your face in his hand.

You lean into it, eyes half-fluttering, blissful, sucking and drooling around him.

That's what gets him. His cock pulses, and throbs, and he doesn't have a moment to warn you, but you swallow around him anyways. Suckling as you pull away, glancing up at his face.

A drop of his cum gets on your mouth. Thoughtlessly, his thumb swipes it away, but it lingers on your lower lip. His eyes linger, too.

Something twists in his chest.

He doesn't know what does it. If it's that moment of vulnerability, all the soft, tender parts exposed that he has to lash out to protect. Or if being able to finally touch you has unfettered something cruel and wild inside him.

Or maybe it's just the sick, twisted desire to win. To watch you cave in on yourself from the hunger, starved until you become just as willing to draw blood as he is.

But Suguru knows he says it with an awful, mean smile.

"You can add on Slut used for both holes to that, too," He snarks, his hand moving back to cup your cheek.

Soft, so soft. Face crumpling at his touch. Fighting not to show it.

"You sure seemed to enjoy it," You say. Heart on sleeve.

He wants to rip it apart. Ribcage open, heart bare and beating.

"Satoru's better, of course," He strokes your cheek in mock affection, "But it'd be unfair to compare you to him. He's special."

Thumb over the twitch in your cheek.

(Won't you bare your fangs? Won't you bite? Tear in?

If you won't, then he will.)

"I've never had anyone like Satoru. He always knows just what to do... maybe he's a born slut," Suguru chuckles, low, feeling your cheeks heat against his fingertips, "Or maybe he just knows me that well. Loves me that much."

He can feel it, he thinks. Your poor trembling heart, your face growing hard like armor.

What are you thinking now? I love you, too? I'd love you even more? I've loved you longer, forever, how can you not see -

"Sure he loves you," You bite out, "He loves your dick."

You're hungry, so hungry. Starved of his affection. And he's dangling it in front of you now -

So why won't you bite?

Satoru's not entirely sure how it got to this point.

Suguru, tied to a chair, arms strapped down. The vibrator - the one he'd sabotaged so many times - strapped to his dick, all swollen and purple and dribbling pitifully in overstimulation.

HIs eyes are red-rimmed, bloodshot. Sweat in a sheen over his broad shoulders. Lips in a thin line as he struggles not to make a sound.

He's so handsome, even like this. Maybe more like this, Satoru thinks, and then buries the thought deep as if to hide it from Suguru's ravenous gaze.

(He thinks he knows anyways. Suguru always knows, knows everything. Satoru could see things but Suguru understood them.)

It started somewhere with the bindings, he thinks.

A tone of measured challenge in your voice that Suguru couldn't resist.

Suguru thinks he's some kind of director. But you'd baited him with raised stakes, and then offered him an out.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I know you and Satoru aren't there yet in your relationship. If you don't want to do it with me, just say so."

It's not a bluff Suguru could easily call.

Telling you he doesn't want you, they don't want you, would be an outright lie, a hole he doesn't dare dig for himself.

"Do it. Tell me you don't want me. Tell me that and we can stop here."

You offer him your beating heart on a platter, well-disguised. Tone even as you give him the knife and hold if over your chest.

He couldn't call you out. So he had to raise.

Hands behind his back, at first. Then he's tied to a chair.

Satoru makes good use of it. So do you. Hands and mouth and tongue and teeth, everywhere.

Your lips are so soft and yet they sting his skin, dripping venom with every word.

Raise, raise, always raise. As high as you'll take the stakes. He'll never back down.

A vibrator, remote controlled. Satoru getting the chance to hold the camera.

Suguru just barely catches him half-filming while he palms his cock to you grinding against his dick in his lap.

"Do you like it, Suguru~?"

He doesn't know who asked him.

But he knows you're not fucking him yet, you haven't said it yet (that you want him, need him, love him can't live without him say it say it SAY IT ALREADY).

And he can't lose, he can't lose, not to you, not you.

That's when he called for the whip. It's a fine thing, a short flexible band of leather.

And then Satoru had licked his lips, itchy fingers, pulling his shirt over his head, and Suguru realized that if he went ungagged he would ruin everything.

So that was how the gag got into Satoru's mouth. He's drooling on it now.

And the sight of you muzzling Satoru had been enough.

Suguru felt ravenous, vile. He saw an opening and went in, fangs bared.

"Want to make him cry for you??" He taunts, "He's a pretty crier, even prettier when he cums. Maybe you can do with that whip what you couldn't do with your cunt, hm?"

"Shut up or I'm gagging you, too. Turn around, Satoru."

And Satoru bared the pale, flawless expanse of his back to be whipped, had to have his hands smacked away form his cock while Suguru cooed about how pretty he was.

How you asked if he liked it that much. If he was a slut for everyone, or just for the pain. If he'd take anything you would give him -

He's chomping at the bit. Ball gag. His mouth isn't full enough. He wants to taste you.

Satoru's back is burning by the time you shove him onto the floor.

"Unbind me," Suguru had ground out, "I'm so hard - fuck, I want to take him now."

"Too fucking bad. I'm busy -"

"You looks so good all red and whipped, baby." Suguru interrupts, ignoring you completely, "Like you were born for it. Look at me. Look at me."

And Satoru did, making eye contact over his shoulder, past you -

Yeah, Satoru thinks. That's how he got here.

On his still-stinging back beneath you, shirt off, watching you straddle him in all your furious glory.

Knife in your hand. His chest bared as you seethe.

He tries not to pant so hard - it's tough, you're rubbing right up against his dick and this is about the hardest he's been in his life.

"You really are a fucking slut," You say, words dripping over him with your hateful gaze, burning like acid.

Every inch of his is aflame. It's agonizing, it's euphoric - it's like your anger is a part of him. Surging in his veins.

Blade pressed to his skin. Sharp. Beautiful.

You are beauty incarnate, in his eyes. Satoru knows he's never seen anything as beautiful as you are right now.

"Worthless fucking whore, doing whatever you're told," You spit, "Letting your body get carved up for porn. Is this all you're good for, Gojo?"

He blinks, eyes wet. Don't call him that. You can't call him that! Not now!

Satoru knows it. By the touch of your knife on his skin and the touch of your eyes on the knife. Your entire world is narrowed down to this moment where he's letting you do anything to him.

He's so good for you, so still. Looking up at you with his big, beautiful sparking eyes.

All lean muscle and power and strength just lying under you and taking it.

Sure you call him a whore, you must be jealous over Suguru, but he knows you can tell. Just by how he looks at you.

Laying beneath you all docile, stronger than you and delighted to take a knife to the chest from your hands. This is love, you must know love when you see it.

And he feels it, moving, lines drawing over his chest.

Your name. Your NAME.

He feels it, in his chest, literally every stroke of the knife splitting through his skin.

Satoru's eyes tear up, pain and pleasure white-hot and pulsing towards his dick. It's throbbing, desperate.

All he can do is whimper, whine. This is why he was gagged, because even through it, he's chanting.

Fuck, fuck. You're carving your name onto him. Onto his chest, onto his heart.

He fucking feels it, he feels you leaving this mark on him, this mark that can only mean you, he's yours, he's all yours and he always will be.

Looking up at you. Your eyes, feverish, frenzied. Full of him.

Hands bloodied as you guide the knife.

Oh, he tries not to pant. He wouldn't want to mess up your work. He tries not to buck up into you, but it's a lost cause, like his cock has a mind of its own. Like it knows where its home is now.

Skin splitting, blood pooling over his chest. Over his heart.

He feels it leaping out to you. Like it'll flutter right out of his chest.

You want it. You want it so fucking bad, he can see it in your eyes.

His arms itch to take the knife from you. Satoru cries into the gag, fruitlessly, because don't you understand?

Can't you see? He'll cut it out and give it to you, it's all yours!

You can have it!

The words pour out of his eyes, like he can tell you, like you'll understand if only he looks at you long enough.

You have to understand. Of course you do. You're his whole world right now, and he's yours, he can feel it.

Satoru knows it like he knows that satisfaction in your eyes.

You lick the blade clean. It has his dick drooling.

yours. yours yours i'm yours, i've been yours, baby, look at me. you see it. you see how good it feels for me, being yours?

i love it. love you.

Feels like his heart is leaking out of his mouth. Every word he can't say. Useless, dribbling, skin-warm and wasted.

Tears streaking down his face. And he meets your eyes and you can see, he's sure, you can see it -

"Satoru," you choke out, cracking like his name has carved your throat like you've carved his chest. Shifting against him.

Oh, fuck.

Heat bursts in his lower half. Yeah... yeah, he just came from that.

Sucking in air desperately though his nose. Blinking away tears in his eyes. His face is a sticky, wet mess. Abs coated in his own cum.

Ruined beneath you. And you look enraptured.

Fuck. Fucking hell. It's the greatest moment of his life.

He spares a flick of his gaze to Suguru, poor Suguru, all alone on the corner watching.

And it's so easy just to tell him with his eyes. They know each other that well.

This could be you down here. This could be her under you, for all you know she'd let you. You're so fucking determined not to say you want it that you handed this to me.

Some things about Suguru, he really doesn't get.

Oh, well. Finders keepers.

Her name is on my chest forever, now. No matter what she does with you, she'll always have done this with me, first.

You have it. You have what you wanted, now. Finally.

Satoru is underneath you. Suguru is in the corner, fucking watching. Like he's been making you watch your crushes fuck for months on end.

Your handwriting has never been as beautiful as it is on Satoru's pale, perfect skin.

Now it's split by the letters of your name. You don't even feel bad.

He wanted it. Leaned into every inch of the cut.

Those beautiful blue eyes. Looking at you, you, you.

His gorgeous chest red with your name and he's completely transfixed, Finally it's just you, his attention is all on you -

The flick to the corner and you know instantly. Suguru.

It's always him. You can't even have Satoru to yourself for five minutes, and you can't even blame him for it.

Not when you want Suguru, too.

(but you can't have him. you can't have anything you want, not really, can you?)

Your hands are shaking. You don't even notice it. Adrenaline pours through you. Flight or fight.

You look at Satoru's chest. It's really only barely bloodied.

The knife is warm in your hand. It was so easy.

Cut him deeper. Cut him open.

You want to cut his fucking heart out and take it in your hands. Rip up that pretty face. Put out those beautiful gemstone eyes for straying.

Ruin everything you love about him. No one will want him then. Suguru won't want him.

(can you have him then?)

The edge of the knife is against his throat and you're ready to just slide it across his neck -

and -

and -

Satoru is looking up at you again.

(cut him. cut his throat. kill him now. fucking whore, how could he -)

Wide blue eyes sparkling with untamed affection. Lovesick. Adoring.

(it's not for you. this isn't yours and never will be.)

His mouth is gagged but his face just lights up when he sees you, all bright and eager and -

(you love him. you love him so fucking much.)

Suguru calls your name and your heart is burning again -

(you love him. it hurts.)

The knife falls, unbloodied, from your hands.

You get up.

You walk away.

[upsidedowneye]

PAIN, SUFFERING AND JESUS : GOJO SATORU, GETO SUGURU

feeling like shit? feeling nauseous? you are having a fever?don't worry, your two amazing boyfriends are ready to take care of you!

wc. 5,4k | m.list

you wake up in the middle of the night, shivering as a sudden chill creeps over you. nestled between your two boyfriends, you can hear the steady rhythm of their breathing, both of them sound asleep.

despite being surrounded by their warmth, you still feel cold. shifting slightly, you snuggle closer to them, but it doesn’t help much. in a soft, sleepy voice, you mumble, “baby, i’m cold,” hoping one of them will stir and pull you closer.

gojo is first to wake, groggily blinking away at his drowziness and shifting to hold out his arms. “c’mere,” he murmurs, already knowing what you need.

gojo wraps an arm around your waist, pulling your body flush against him. his legs intertwine with yours, effectively pinning you against his chest. he rubs his cheek against your head affectionately, feeling your soft hair against his skin. his voice is rough with sleep as he murmurs, “better?” he whispers, his breath against your skin sending shivers down your spine for a different reason now.

you nestle into gojo's embrace, feeling the warmth of his body as he pulls you close. but despite the comfort of his arms around you, the cold still lingers, and you can’t help but shiver. your body trembles slightly as you try to get closer to him, but it’s not enough.

noticing your continued shivering, gojo frowns slightly in concern, tightening his hold on you. just then, you feel a shift on the other side of the bed. geto stirs, waking up to the sound of your soft shivers. without a word, he reaches for the blanket, draping it over both you and gojo, cocooning you in warmth.

“there we go,” geto murmurs, his voice thick with sleep as he wraps an arm around you from the other side, adding to the warmth. the combined heat of both of them finally starts to chase away the chill, and you relax between them, feeling safe and warm at last.

geto nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, his breath hot against your skin. “god, you’re freezing,” he mumbles, his voice still groggy from sleep. he brushes his fingertips over your arm in gentle, languid movements, as if to check your skin temperature. gojo’s hand rubs up and down your back in soothing circles. when he speaks, his voice is still thick with sleep. “you should’ve woken us up sooner, princess,” he murmurs, his lips grazing the top of your head in a light kiss.

you snuggle deeper into the warmth of their embrace, but despite the comfort they offer, you can’t shake the uneasy feeling lingering in your body. as geto’s breath tickles your neck and gojo’s hand moves soothingly along your back, you hesitate for a moment before speaking.

“i… i’m not feeling well,” you finally admit, your voice barely above a whisper. the shivers running through your body aren’t just from the cold, and you can’t ignore the growing ache that seems to be spreading. your eyes are still closed as you try to go back to sleep.

hearing your quiet admission, both gojo and geto immediately become more alert. they exchange a glance over your head, concern evident in their eyes.

gojo gently cups your face, turning it towards him. his thumb rubs against your cheek in a comforting gesture. “what do you mean, you don’t feel well?” he asks, his voice low and gentle. geto’s hand still moves over your skin, but his touch is firmer now, searching for a clue as to what’s wrong. “baby, are you in pain?”

you can feel both of their eyes on you as they wait for an answer. the silence feels heavy and the concern in their voices makes your heart ache. gojo moves his hand from your face to rest it on your forehead. he gently presses his palm against your skin, checking for a fever. “do you have a headache?” he asks quietly. geto’s gaze never leaves your face, his eyes searching for any sign of discomfort. “anywhere else hurts?” he inquires, his fingers gently tracing along your arm.

you nod slowly in response to gojo's question, feeling the warmth of his hand on your forehead as he checks for a fever. the gentle pressure of his touch and the concerned looks from both of them make you feel a bit more vulnerable, but also deeply cared for. “my head..” you admit softly, your voice barely above a whisper. as the ache in your head persists, you wrap your arm tighter around gojo's waist, seeking more of his warmth.

“i’m still cold,” you mumble, almost like a plea, your words muffled as you press yourself closer to him, hoping that somehow their combined warmth will chase away the chills and discomfort. gojo's arm slides around your back, pulling you even closer against him. he holds you to his chest like a lifeline, his hand rubbing soothing circles along your back.

geto shifts behind you, propping himself up on one elbow. he presses his palm against your forehead, checking your temperature for himself. his lips press against your shoulder in a soft, affectionate kiss. “yeah, you definitely have a fever,” he sighs lightly. gojo's fingers tangle gently in your hair, his touch firm yet tender. “you should’ve told us sooner,” he scolds gently.

both gojo and geto exchange a quick glance before focusing back on you. while gojo tightens his arms around you and pulls you closer, burying your face against his shoulder, geto gently pats your head.

gojo's voice is gentle but firm as he speaks up. “we need to check your temperature,” he murmurs, shifting a little to reach for a digital thermometer on the nightstand. geto nods in agreement, carefully draping the blanket tighter around you. “just hold still, okay?” he instructs, keeping a soothing hand on your back.

you feel gojo lean to the side to grab the thermometer, and you can hear the gentle click as he turns it on. you know it's only to check your temperature, but the sound in the silent room makes you shiver slightly. geto's hand continues to stroke your back soothingly, his touch grounding as the two of them prepare to take your temperature. “open up, princess,” gojo says quietly, the thermometer hovering near your mouth.

you reluctantly pull your face away from gojo's chest, the warmth of his skin slipping away as you do. with a small, tired sigh, you tilt your head back just enough to look up at him, your eyes heavy with exhaustion. gojo’s gentle expression and the soft glow of the thermometer in his hand make you feel a bit more at ease.

obediently, you open your mouth slightly, allowing gojo to place the thermometer under your tongue. the cool metal feels strange against your warm skin, and you close your eyes as you lean your head back against his chest, waiting for the soft beep that would signal it was done. through it all, geto’s hand never stops its soothing strokes on your back, his touch calming as you try to relax in their care.

gojo holds the thermometer gently, his hand supporting your head to keep it steady. he watches as the small number on the screen counts up slowly, his eyes flicking between it and your tired face.

geto's hand slides down from your back to your hip, his thumb rubbing slow, soothing circles against your skin. he leans closer, placing a soft kiss to your temple as he waits alongside gojo for the thermometer to finish its work. after a few moments, the soft beep finally sounds out, and gojo gently removes the thermometer from your mouth.

gojo checks the readout, his brow furrowing slightly as he sees the numbers displayed. he shows it to geto silently, who looks at it with a concerned frown.

“102,” he reads aloud, his voice low. he exchanges a worried glance with gojo before turning his attention back to you. gojo tucks the thermometer back onto the nightstand before wrapping his arm around you again, pulling you closer against him. “princess, that's a pretty high fever,” he murmurs, his hand rubbing up and down your arm.

geto's hand moves back up to your forehead, his fingertips pressing lightly against your skin. he leans forward a little, concern etched on his face. “are you feeling nauseous at all?” he asks, his voice gentle but laced with worry.

gojo's arm stays firmly around you, his touch firm but comforting as he holds you to his chest. “have you eaten anything since dinner?” he inquires, thinking that your empty stomach might be contributing to your current state. his fingers brush a stray lock of hair from your face, his gaze searching yours for any sign of what might be wrong.

you groan softly in protest as they lay you down, feeling a wave of frustration bubble up at the sudden shift in position. but your body feels heavy, and you sink back against the pillows. you shake your head slightly, feeling a bit overwhelmed by their questions.

gojo's and geto's gazes meet over your head, their concern growing at the realization that your empty stomach might be exacerbating your fever. geto's hand gently squeezes your shoulder, his touch both firm and soothing as he glances at gojo before speaking. “we need to get some food into you, princess. maybe it’ll help you feel better.” gojo nods in agreement, his hand still gently stroking your hair. “do you think you can stomach some soup?” he asks, his voice soft and patient.

with your eyes still closed, you instinctively lean toward the warmth closest to you, feeling the steady comfort of their presence. you nod slightly, the movement small and tired, but enough to show that you're willing to try. gojo's arm tightens around you as you lean into his touch. he can feel your fatigue, the way your body feels heavy and tired against him. he gently presses his lips to the top of your head, his kiss tender and full of concern. both men exchange a smile, relieved that you’ve agreed to eat something.

geto gently pats your shoulder as he rises from the bed. “we’ll get you some soup, love. you stay here and rest,” he instructs, the concern still evident in his eyes. gojo's hold on you doesn't loosen, he keeps you tucked into his side as he adjusts his position to make you more comfortable. “we'll be right back,” he promises, his fingers still tangled in your hair.

as you hear geto mention leaving the room, a wave of panic sweeps over you. their presence is the only thing keeping the chill and discomfort at bay, and the thought of them leaving—even for a moment—makes you feel even more vulnerable.

slowly, you open your eyes, your gaze shifting between gojo and geto as they prepare to move away from the bed. “no,” you murmur, your voice hoarse and soft. you shift slightly, tightening your hold on gojo as if to anchor him in place. “i… i wanna go with you.” the words come out in a whisper, but they’re laced with a hint of desperation.

your eyes, though heavy with fatigue, show your need to stay close, not wanting to be left alone even for a short time. you cling to gojo’s warmth, and though you know they’re just going to the kitchen, the comfort of being near them is something you’re not willing to let go of at the moment. and they know you tend to get more clingy when you are sick.

both gojo and geto pause at the sound of your small, almost pleading voice. they exchange a quick glance, their eyes meeting over you as they silently communicate without words.

gojo's arms wrap more firmly around you, pulling you tight against his side. he gently cards his fingers through your hair, his touch reassuring and affectionate. “you need to rest, princess,” he murmurs, his voice soft and gentle. geto hesitates for a moment before sighing quietly, a hint of a smile on his face. “we’ll only be in the kitchen, love. we'll be right back.” you shake your head and wrap your arms around gojo's neck tightly, refusing to let go.

gojo's eyes widen slightly as you cling to him, your arms wrapping around his neck in a tight hold. he glances over your head at geto, silently seeking his input.

geto watches the scene with a mixture of slight amusement and fondness, knowing how clingy you tend to get when you're not feeling well. he sighs lightly, his voice laced with resignation. “we can't say no to that, can we?” he remarks, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

both men exchange a knowing look; they know that resisting your clinginess can be futile. they also know that your need for them is greater when you're unwell. gojo's arms tighten around you again, holding you securely in his embrace. he shoots a quick glance over your head at geto before speaking. “fine,” he concedes, his voice gently firm. “you can come with us. but you have to stay close, alright?”

geto's eyes soften as he meets gojo's glance, understanding exactly what he's thinking. he knows how much you need their presence right now, especially when you're feeling so vulnerable. without hesitation, he moves to your shared wardrobe, his movements fluid and purposeful.

as he opens the wardrobe, geto quickly scans the shelves, his hand reaching for a familiar hoodie—one of his oversized ones that you often borrow because of how warm and comforting it is. he pulls it out along with a pair of thick socks, knowing that the added warmth will help you feel more comfortable.

he returns to your side, his expression gentle as he kneels down in front of you. “here, love,” he murmurs, holding up the hoodie. “let's get you warm first.”

with care, geto slips the hoodie over your head, his hands moving slowly so as not to jostle you too much. the fabric is soft and comforting, enveloping you in its warmth as he pulls it down over your body. he then helps you with the socks, his touch gentle as he slides them onto your feet, making sure they're snug.

gojo watches as geto carefully dresses you in his hoodie and helps you slip on the socks, his gaze filled with tenderness. he runs his hand slowly up and down your back, feeling the soft fabric of the hoodie beneath his palm.

he can see the way the oversized garment engulfs your small frame, making you look even more vulnerable and fragile. it's a sight that stirs a protective instinct within him, a need to keep you safe and warm. once you're fully dressed with the hoodie on and the cozy socks covering your feet, gojo takes a moment to appreciate how cute you look wearing geto's hoodie. he reaches out and tugs on the hood slightly, pulling it down to cover your head.

“you look adorable,” he murmurs, his voice filled with affection. he shares a fond smile with geto before reluctantly shifting his hold on you, preparing to stand up. geto stands up from where he was kneeling, his eyes still on you as you remain cuddled in gojo's arms. he takes a moment to admire his hoodie on you, feeling a pang of warmth in his chest at the sight of you wrapped in his garment.

“ready?” geto asks, his voice soft and gentle as he looks at you. he offers his hand, ready to guide you off the bed and towards the kitchen. you nod sluggishly, your head feeling heavy with exhaustion. you slowly untangle yourself from gojo's embrace, your movements still slightly clumsy and sluggish.

gojo helps you up from the bed, his arm wrapping around your waist to support you as you stand. “take it slow, princess,” he warns, his voice laced with concern as he steadies you.

once you're on your feet, you take a moment to gather your bearings, leaning lightly against gojo's side. geto moves to flank your other side, offering you more stability as you begin to move towards the kitchen. gojo's hand stays firmly on your waist as he guides you carefully across the room, his support steady and reassuring. his eyes constantly flicker towards your face, searching for any signs of worsening condition.

geto walks closely on your other side, his hand hovering near your back, ready to reach out and help if you stumble. both men are silently on alert, their protective instincts fully engaged as they navigate you to the kitchen. the kitchen is filled with a calm, dimly lit ambiance as they enter. the cool tiles are a stark contrast to your warm, feverish body. gojo gently steers you towards the counter, where a chair awaits.

“sit down, princess,” he instructs, his voice gentle but firm. he holds onto you as you take a seat on the chair, his hand resting on your back. geto moves to the nearby stove, preparing to heat up some soup for you to eat.

as you sit down, the coolness of the kitchen tiles beneath your feet contrasts sharply with the warmth of your feverish skin, making you shiver slightly. the dim light feels harsh against your eyes, and the headache that's been lingering grows more intense. you let out a low groan, closing your eyes briefly as you prop your elbow on the countertop, using your hand to support your heavy head.

both gojo and geto notice your discomfort as they see you shiver and close your eyes as you lean on the counter. gojo's eyes narrow with concern as he moves closer, his hand sliding up to your forehead to check your temperature.

“you alright, princess?” he queries softly, his tone filled with worry. he keeps his hand on your forehead, feeling the heat radiating off your skin. geto, meanwhile, continues to heat up the soup on the stove, his eyes periodically flicking back towards you to monitor your state.

you shake your head slightly, eyes still closed as you lean more into the counter. “no, i feel worse,” you mumble, your voice barely above a whisper. the warmth of gojo’s hand on your forehead is soothing, but the fever and headache make everything else feel overwhelming. you can hear the soft clatter of dishes as geto works at the stove, his occasional glances your way not going unnoticed. despite feeling awful, you’re comforted by their presence, knowing they’re both taking care of you.

gojo's expression tightens further as you murmur your distress, his concern deepening as he feels your skin getting warmer under his palm. his hand gently cups the side of your face, his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly.

geto, hearing your words, glances back from the stove, his gaze fixated on you. there's a flicker of worry mirrored in his eyes, silently echoing the same concern that's evident in gojo's expression. “princess,” gojo says softly, his voice thick with worry, “how bad does the headache feel?”

you groan softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you mumble, “fucking 100.” the pain throbs behind your eyes, and you feel utterly drained. without another word, you let your head rest against the cool countertop, seeking any relief you can find. your eyes flutter closed, and you take a deep, shaky breath, hoping to escape the pounding in your skull, even if only for a moment.

gojo's thumb continues to stroke your cheek tenderly, his worry evident in the way his hand trembles slightly. geto watches you with a furrowed brow, his heart aching to see you in pain. the atmosphere in the room feels heavy with concern, but their presence is a small comfort, grounding you as you try to endure the relentless headache.

gojo's eyes widen slightly at your response, his heart clenching with worry. he keeps his hand on your cheek, gently caressing your skin as he watches you rest your head against the countertop.

geto, having heard your reply, turns around fully from the stove, his expression one of clear concern. “oh, poor baby,” he mutters under his breath, the word a silent reflection of his anxiousness. gojo's grip on you tightens slightly as he speaks again, his voice low and firm, “we need to get your fever down, princess.”

both men exchange a brief, worried glance before geto nods, his jaw set tightly. he grabs a bowl from the nearby cupboard and quickly scoops some soup into it, setting it down on the counter next to you. “try and eat a bit of this,” he instructs gently, his voice filled with quiet urgency, “it'll help you feel better.”

gojo remains at your side, his hand still caressing your cheek as he watches you rest against the counter, a mixture of worry and protectiveness evident in his eyes. you sit up slowly, taking the spoon from geto’s hand. despite the lingering headache and fatigue, you start to eat the warm soup. the heat of it soothes your throat and warms you from the inside, offering some comfort.

gojo watches quietly as you slowly start to eat the soup, a small sense of relief visible on his face. it's a simple act, but it shows that you're at least trying to eat despite not feeling well. geto's gaze doesn't waver, his eyes fixed on you as you eat. he watches every movement, ready to step in if needed. he leans against the counter, his arms crossed. gojo breaks the brief silence, his voice soft, “how does the soup taste, princess?”

you take a few more reluctant spoonfuls of the soup before muttering, “like shit because my tongue can’t taste anything.” your tone is flat, reflecting the discomfort that’s overwhelming your senses. despite your attempt to eat, the lack of taste only serves as a reminder of how lousy you feel.

a mixture of surprise and slight amusement flickers across gojo’s face at your honest answer. it’s a bit unexpected, but it also shows that despite not feeling well, you haven’t entirely lost your sense of humor.

geto, on the other hand, rolls his eyes a little but can't help but crack a small smile as well. “you haven't lost your wit, that's for sure,” he remarks, his voice filled with affectionate teasing. geto can’t help a small, fond smile at your reply. he knows that your bluntness is a sign that you’re still yourself, despite feeling under the weather.

gojo’s fingers run through your hair affectionately, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “well, i suppose it's not the soup's fault you can't taste anything.” gojo’s expression softens, though the concern in his eyes remains. he gently rubs your back, offering silent comfort. “we’ll find something that helps,” he says quietly, his voice reassuring even as he shares your frustration.

you chuckle softly, the sound a bit raspy but genuine. “i'm sure the soup is good,” you murmur, a small smile tugging at your lips, “but all my tongue can feel is just warm.” your eyes meet theirs, still grateful for the effort they've put in despite your current state. their presence and affection are what really comfort you, even more than the soup.

gojo's smile widens slightly as he watches your small smile and listens to your raspy voice. the sight is endearing, despite your current illness. he continues to gently run his fingers through your hair, his touch soothing.

geto leans further against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. he meets your gaze, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern and affection. he silently studies you, noting your smile and the gratitude in your eyes. “don't worry about it, princess,” geto says softly, “just focus on eating.”

as you slowly continue to eat, gojo and geto both remain where they are, their eyes still fixed on you. they exchange another glance, a silent conversation passing between them. it's clear that they're both worried about your condition, but they're also trying to keep a calm and steady presence for your sake. they can see the exhaustion and discomfort you're experiencing, and they're silently determined to do whatever they can to help bring down your fever.

suddenly, a wave of nausea washes over you, and you quickly bring your hand up to cover your mouth, your face contorting in discomfort. your body tenses as you fight the urge to vomit, and you feel a surge of panic at the sudden wave of sickness.

as gojo and geto observe you, they instantly pick up on the change in your expression. your hand covering your mouth and your face contorting in discomfort immediately gives away that something is amiss. gojo's hand drops from your hair, his eyes widening in concern when you cover your mouth. geto straightens up rapidly, his arms uncrossing. “princess?” gojo's voice is tight with worry as he immediately moves closer to you, his hand going to your back. geto steps forward too, his eyes watching you closely, “are you feeling nauseous?”

you barely have time to react before the nausea overtakes you. with a sudden, unsteady motion, you stumble toward the sink, your hand still pressed to your mouth as you fight to stay in control.

when you finally reach the sink, you can’t hold it any longer. you lean over and throw up, the sudden upheaval making your entire body feel weak and trembling. the coldness of the sink against your skin and the unpleasant taste in your mouth only add to your discomfort.

as you stumble and rush toward the sink, both gojo and geto immediately move in to provide support. they see the immediate switch from discomfort to nausea and know exactly what's coming next. as you lean over the sink and begin to vomit, they both instinctively reach out. gojo's arm steadies you from behind, his hand supporting your back, while geto steps closer to your side, his hand reaching to hold your hair back. “let it out, princess,” geto whispers gently, his voice filled with concern, “let it out.”

as you feel another wave of nausea hit, you weakly try to push them away, your voice trembling as you murmur, “don’t look, it’s disgusting.” your words are barely out before you’re throwing up again, the sound of your own discomfort only adding to the embarrassment. gojo's grip on you from behind doesn't loosen as you try to push him away. he remains steadfast in his support, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back, even as you protest.

“don't worry about that, princess,” he murmurs back, his voice soft but firm, “we just want to make sure you're okay.”

geto stays by your side, his hand still holding your hair back and his eyes focused on you. he doesn't budge, continuing to help and support you through the episode. “just focus on getting it out,” he reassures gently.

as you continue to throw up, gojo and geto stay by your side, their presence a constant, steady reassurance. they don't show any revulsion or disgust, their only concern being your well-being.

after a few tense moments, you're finally done. you lean heavily against the sink, your body trembling with the aftermath, your face paler than it was before. gojo's hand remains on your back, his touch gentle and comforting. “it's alright, princess,” he murmurs. geto's hand gently lets go of your hair as you finish.

leaning heavily against the sink, you take deep, shaky breaths, your body still trembling from the ordeal. you glance up at them, your face pale and weary. “i hate being sick,” you mumble weakly, your voice barely above a whisper. you let out a sigh, feeling a mix of frustration and exhaustion.

both gojo and geto can see the toll your sickness is taking on you. the paleness of your face and the weakness in your voice are clear indications of how much this illness is affecting you. gojo's hand on your back continues to rub soothing circles, his touch gentle and reassuring. “we know, princess,” he murmurs, his voice filled with concern. geto moves closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of empathy and worry. “but you'll get through this. we'll be here with you every step of the way.”

as you lean against the sink, your body is still shaking from the episode, they both exchange a worried glance. gojo continues to soothingly rub your back, trying to offer comfort despite the situation. “just take a moment to breathe, princess,” he instructs gently, his voice filled with worry, “do you think you're done throwing up?”

geto reaches to grab a nearby towel, dampening it under the faucet briefly before wringing it slightly and handing it to you, “here, you can use this to wipe your mouth.” you nod weakly, accepting the damp towel from geto with a grateful smile. as you dab your mouth and try to steady your breathing, you look up at them with a mixture of exhaustion and regret. “i’m sorry for making you wake up so late,” you say softly, your voice tinged with guilt. “i know you must be tired from work.”

as you apologize quietly, both gojo and geto's expression visibly softens. they can hear the guilt and remorse in your voice, the exhaustion in your eyes. gojo shakes his head, a comforting smile on his face. “don't apologize, princess,” he says gently. “your health is more important than our sleep. we'd rather be here for you, no matter the time.”

geto nods his agreement, his eyes filled with understanding, “we'd much rather be here with you, making sure you're okay.” they can both see the exhaustion on your face, the guilt you feel for interrupting their rest written all over your expression. but they refuse to let you feel bad about it. gojo's hand continues to slowly rub your back soothingly as he responds, “seriously, princess. you don't need to apologise for needing help.”

geto adds, his voice soft yet sincere, “we mean it. we'd much rather be here with you than sleep. you being alright is all that matters.” gojo and geto's expressions remain firm and sincere as they reassure you. they both know that you're feeling guilty for waking them up so late, but they want you to know how unimportant it is compared to your well-being.

gojo's hand continues to move in soothing circles on your back, the motion a constant, gentle reassurance of their presence and care. “we’re here for you, princess,” he says softly, his voice filled with determination, “we'll take care of you until you feel better.” geto nods his agreement, his expression reflecting gojo's determination. “you're not a bother, and you're not interrupting anything,” he says firmly. “our priority is making sure you feel better, and we won’t leave your side until you do.”

gojo's hand comes to a stop on your back, his hand squeezing your shoulder gently. “you're not a burden, princess,” he asserts, his voice gentle but firm. “we chose to care for you. don’t ever feel guilty for needing that care.”

geto nods in agreement, his eyes filled with determination. “that's right,” he echoes, his voice filled with a mixture of compassion and resolve. “we'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better.”

gojo can't help but let out a small, soft chuckle. “besides, a little late-night wake-up is nothing compared to what we're used to with our job.” geto rolls his eyes at gojo's lighthearted comment, but there's a hint of a smile on his face as well.

gojo grins at seto's eye roll, his own eyes sparkling with amusement. he knows that in the grand scheme of the job they do, staying up late for you is nothing new. “see, we're actually kinda used to this,” he says, his voice tinged with a touch of cheeky humour.

geto rolls his eyes again but this time, he can't help but crack a small smile at gojo's lightheartedness. “yes, but most missions don't involve dealing with vomit and fevers,” he replies with a hint of dry wit.

you chuckle lightly at their banter, but the sound quickly turns into a groan as the fatigue overwhelms you. sliding down to the floor, you rest your back against the counter, your body feeling heavy and drained. “you guys are ridiculous,” you mumble, trying to smile despite the discomfort. but even as you try to play it off, the exhaustion in your eyes is clear, and your chuckle fades into a sigh as you close your eyes, seeking a moment of peace.

as you chuckle and slide down to the floor, both gojo and geto's expressions instantly fill with concern. they can see the fatigue taking its toll on you, your body slumped against the counter, your eyes closing in exhaustion.

gojo lets out a low sigh, his hand dropping from your shoulder. geto's smile fades, his eyes filled with worry as he takes a step closer. “princess,” gojo says quietly, his voice laced with concern. “you need to rest, not sit on the cold floor.”

as gojo's words sink in, the overwhelming fatigue and the throbbing pain in your head finally break through your resolve. tears well up in your eyes, and before you can stop them, they spill over, running down your cheeks. you cover your face with your hands, trying to stifle the sobs, but it's no use—everything just feels too much.

both gojo and geto are stricken with a profound sense of concern and worry as they see the tears rolling down your face. seeing you struggle to hold back sobs, the pain and fatigue clear on your face, they can't hide the pained expressions on their own faces.

gojo immediately sinks to the floor beside you, his arms instinctively wrapping around you, pulling you gently towards his chest. his hold is firm but gentle, a protective embrace. geto kneels down in front of you, his hand reaching to gently pull away your hands from your face.

as gojo holds you close, his arms around you in a secure embrace, he can feel the tremors of sobs racking through your body. geto kneels in front of you, his fingers gently prying your hands away from your face, uncovering your tear-streaked cheeks.

“shh, princess, it's alright,” gojo whispers, his voice a gentle murmur against your hair, “let it out. there's no shame in letting go.” geto's eyes are filled with sympathy as he looks at your tear-streaked face. he reaches forward, his fingers gently brushing away some of the tears trickling down your cheeks. “it's okay, sweetheart,” he says, his voice soft and comforting. “just cry it out. we're here.”

gojo continues to hold you tight against his chest, his hand rubbing slow, soothing circles on your back. every now and then, he presses a soft kiss to your forehead, murmuring reassurances as he holds you. you sniffle and wipe at your eyes, feeling a little comforted by their gentle touches and soft words. “i … wanna go to bed,” you murmur, your voice shaky and small. the exhaustion is hitting you hard now, and all you can think about is lying down and trying to escape the pain in your head.

as you murmur that you just want to go to bed, both gojo and geto's expressions immediately soften even more. gojo's hold on you doesn't loosen, his hands continuing to rub soothing circles on your back. “of course, princess,” he says quietly, his voice filled with tenderness, “let's get you to bed. you need to rest.”

geto nods in agreement, his expression filled with concern and care. “we'll get you into bed and make sure you're comfortable,” he adds, his hand going to your arm, preparing to help you rise from the floor. you look up at gojo with a tired, pleading expression. “can you carry me?” you ask softly, your voice barely above a whisper, “i don’t feel like walking.”

as you look up at gojo with a tired and pleading expression, asking to be carried, his eyes soften as he looks at you. without hesitation, he nods and shifts his arms, one going under your knees and the other around your back. “of course, princess,” he says softly, “i've got you.”

with a gentle but firm hold, he carefully scoops you up into his arms, lifting you from the floor and against his chest. his movements are steady and careful, ensuring your comfort. as gojo carries you into the bedroom, geto follows closely behind, flicking off the lights on their way. in his hand, he carefully holds a glass of water and your medication, making sure they're easily within reach from the bedside.

once they reach the bed, gojo gently lowers you down onto the sheets, his arms still maintaining a supportive hold. geto steps over, setting the glass and medicine on the bedside table, always focused on your comfort and care. both gojo and geto watch as you begin to drift off, your eyelids already flickering closed. seeing your exhaustion and fatigue taking their toll, they exchange a sympathetic glance over you.

gojo carefully tucks the blankets around you, his touch gentle and careful not to wake you. “rest, princess,” gojo murmurs quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, “we'll keep watch for the night.”

while gojo hovers by your side, geto settles down comfortably beside you, delicately placing an extra blanket over you, ensuring you're perfectly tucked in and warm. he then dips his head down, planting a tender kiss on your forehead, his touch filled with love and reassurance. “you'll be alright, sweetheart,” he whispers softly, his voice brimming with warmth and reassurance, “we'll make sure of it. we promise.”

as you drift off to sleep and geto settles in beside you, gojo stands watch for a while, his eyes flicking between you and the door. he listens to the soft sounds of your breathing, his body and mind at ease now that he knows you're comfortable and rest.

geto reaches out, his hand finding yours under the covers, his fingers lacing with yours in a comforting grip. he gives your hand a light, reassuring squeeze, a silent assurance that they're both there, watching over you. they both know that you're deeply asleep, but they can't help but stay by your side, their protective instincts preventing them from leaving you. they whisper quietly to each other, discussing your condition and what they can do to help.

every now and then, one of them will gently brush your hair away from your forehead, or adjust the blankets around you, ensuring your comfort is their priority. as you sleep deeply, gojo and geto stay close by, their presence a constant source of comfort. they keep their voices low, talking quietly about your condition to avoid waking you.

“we should ask shoko about this,” gojo suggests softly, sliding under the covers on your other side. “she might have some insight or better advice.”

geto nods, his gaze still on you as he adjusts the blankets. “yeah, that’s a good idea. we’ll reach out to her first thing tomorrow. for now, let’s just focus on keeping her comfortable.” their voices are filled with concern, their eyes constantly checking on you as they continue their quiet watch.

TAGLIST :

@junni-berry @fortunatelyfurrygiver @soraya-daydreams @diorzs @dancing--devils @iloveboysinred @holylonelyponyeatingmacaroni

[upsidedowneye]

Raincheck?

Smau: in which you cancel plans last minute Warnings: hint of murder (Sukuna what a surprise), allusions to mental health problems, mostly fluff Featuring: Gojo, Geto, Choso, Toji, Nanami, Sukuna, Yuji, Megumi, Inumaki

[upsidedowneye]

"The line is breaking up"

Including: Gojo, Nanami, Choso, Sukuna, Toji, Yuuji, Megumi, and special guests… Suguru and Ino !!

Synopsis: In which you end a phone call with them because of reception issues but they misunderstand…

my smau masterlists one and two

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

[upsidedowneye]

Infinite Rewind

Gojo Satoru x reader

Synopsis: Instead of dying, you are sent 13 years in the past, but this isn't your face. "Let's cut the shit." The white-haired kid grins. "Who are you and what're you doing in Suguru's body?"

Part two: Rewound Infinitely

Word Count: 18.1k

(Warnings: slight yandere, death, murder, inaccurate Tokyo geography, blood, violence, mild gore, obsession, unhealthy relationships, child abuse/neglect, time looping(?), fem!reader) Ageless blogs that try to follow me will be blocked

First, you saw a monster. 

It was big and horrible—nasty teeth. You heard screaming. People. Running as fast as they could away from the creatures. Pain. 

And then, you saw a bright, clear sky. 

The sun was blaring down at you. It was so hot. Wasn't it December? How was the sun out at night? 

"Hey, you good?" 

A girl is looking at you. Short brown hair. A high schooler, judging by the uniform. How is she wearing all black when the weather is so hot? 

When you don't respond, her eyes squint. 

"Suguru, are you okay?" 

That's not your name; your mouth moves faster than your brain.

"I-I'm fine." That wasn't your voice. It was deeper. More masculine. What the fuck happened to your voice? 

The girl gives you another strange look but you're too busy freaking out over your new voice. Your hands are different too. A completely different skin tone, larger. 

And then you're fumbling with your pockets, clothes you know you didn't buy. The girl is calling for you again but you're too busy pulling out a fucking flip-phone and looking into the black screen, the only thing you have for a mirror. 

Purple eyes stare back. These aren't your eyes. This isn't your nose. This isn't your hair. This isn't your face. You blink. He does too. You open your mouth. So does he. You pinch your cheek. In the reflection, he winces. 

Oh, you just fucking bodysnatched someone. 

ⴵ

Ten minutes later, you conclude that your name is Geto Suguru, you are a 16-year-old boy, the year is 2006, and you attend a religious academy. 

"You're finally acting normally again." The girl-newly discovered as Ieiri- says. "No more weirdness." 

You don't blame her, considering you grabbed her by the shoulders, asking ridiculous questions like: what year is it, who am I, why am I here, who are you, am I dead, is this Hell, etc. For a teenage girl, she took your outburst well. 

"Sorry," you say and by now you've gotten used to your voice, "it must have been the stress from studying." 

She just hums, continuing to walk beside you. Though, Ieiri had a point. You were definitely calmer, and it was mostly because you figured it out. 

You were dreaming. 

You were lucid dreaming, to be more precise. Your brain was conjuring up a weird setting and you just happened to be placed in another person's body. You heard about this happening before. You were just so freaked out because this was the first time anything like this had happened to you. 

An impulsive part of you wants to tell Ieiri that this is just a dream, but you've heard weird things happen after a lucid dreamer tries to break the illusion. It's best if you just let it just play out and see where this goes. 

“Excited?” 

“Hm?” You ask. And Shoko rolls her eyes. 

“For the mission you have this evening. Special grade. Sounds scary.” She says, her sarcasm evident. 

Mission? Special grade? You don’t know what those words mean but it sounds like a school field trip. Shoko takes your hesitance as something else. 

“Ah,” she says, “so you forgot.” 

“I didn’t.” You reply on instinct. 

“I expected this from Satoru, not you. You should stop hanging out with him, he’s starting to rub off on you.”

You give a sheepish laugh, and it’s enough to quell her questions. 

She leads you into the school, all through the winding halls and through an office door. You couldn’t be more grateful, it’s not like you would have known where to go. It’s a teachers room. Two people are already inside. 

“Wait, for once, I’m early?” The boy with sunglasses asks, voice dripping with amusement. He’s leaning dangerously on a chair. You stare at him. You’ve never seen someone with white hair before. It can’t be real. 

“He forgot.” Shoko pipes up and the boy cackles. 

“That’s hilarious. I’m starting to rub off on you.” Ah, this must be Satoru. 

You give a nervous smile. “Haha, yeah.” 

The boy stops rocking in the chair. Three pairs of eyes look at you. Your uniform feels itchy.

“Gojo, stop making such a ruckus.” The man, presumably his teacher, gruffs. "You two got the briefing yesterday. Do your job and for the last time do not leave your assistant manager behind again." 

Gojo groans, and you delve into more confusion. Before you can say anything, the kid is hopping out of his seat before lazily striding out the door. Shoko and the teacher look at you expectantly. 

Oh, you were supposed to follow him. 

Not wanting to make a scene, you catch up to Gojo. He's tall, his footsteps are long and wide. But you're tall now too, so it's easy to keep up with him. This new body of yours has a lot of pros. 

"Yaga's so annoying," Gojo suddenly says, "constantly nagging us like that. It's not our fault the assistants can't keep up." 

What should you say? You clear your throat. 

"He just wants what's best for us." 

Wrong answer. 

"Where'd that come from?" He snorts. How charming. "I know you agree with me. You're just tryna' act like the nicer one, again. It's starting to get a little old." 

Is that how 16 year-olds talk? Rude, but also strangely off-putting, like he can see straight through you. Or more accurately, he can see straight through Suguru. How close are these two, anyway? 

Why did any of these questions even matter? This is a dream! You need to wake up already. 

On the campus grounds, a sleek black car waits outside for you two. Along with a miffed man in a black suit. This must be a very rich school for a field trip to have a chauffeur. Where were you two going again?

Gojo hops in the back, taking one of the window seats. You take the other. In your own body, you would've fit nicely. But Suguru's legs are long, and the spacious car feels cramped. You should've taken the passenger seat. How do tall people live like this? 

The ride is quiet. Out the corner of your eye, you catch Satoru type away on his flip phone. A moment later, yours beeps. You still have no idea how to use Suguru's phone or his password, so you ignore his message. Satoru groans. 

Quickly, you learn that Satoru has a very low attention span. When looking out the window gets boring, he bugs the chauffeur. When the chauffeur ignores him, he starts bugging you. 

"Hey heyyyy," Satoru says, "when this is all over, we should go to that new ice cream place. Like you said, we should." 

You look at him. "Uh, sure." You say. 

"And you should pay for it, 'cuz you said you owed me last time." 

Fine, whatever. "Sure thing." 

He grins. You can't see his glasses, and it makes his smile even more unnerving. This kid. 

This doesn't feel like a normal field trip at all. Why did you stop in front of some rackety house that looked as though it were about to collapse? You turn back to the only adult in the vicinity, but he's out too. He takes out a lighter and a cigarette. In front of impressionable children, too. Wonderful. 

"I'll wait out here." He says, though his tone is uncaring. "Since we're out in the country, there's no need for a veil. Do your best." 

Veil? What? Gojo's already going off again and you've already decided to be his chaperone, so you follow. You reluctantly trail behind him. Feet crunch the leaves. The house grows bleaker and bleaker. 

"Okay, I have a plan!" Gojo exclaims when he gets through the squeaky door. He's so loud, can't he be quieter? "I check upstairs and you check the ground floor and the basement. Got it?" 

Check the house? Were he and Suguru electricians in training or something? That still wouldn't explain why a grown man decided to drop off two teenagers in front of a creepy mansion. And why in God's name did Gojo want to split up?

"I-I don't think that's a good idea," you say, "shouldn't we try to stick together?" Or, better yet, leave. 

He clicks his tongue. "Ugh, you're so lame. Not like Suguru at all." 

Wait, what did he say? You're about to call out to him when he climbs up the stairs, disappearing from view. Unbelievable. 

This kid was starting to get on your nerves. Enough, you were leaving. You could have a nice dream where you met and fell in love with Zendaya, not babysitting some teenager, whilst possessing another person's body. You were going to wait outside with the man and hope your dream finally came to an end. 

Except, you couldn't go outside. The door was gone. 

It-it was right behind you, right? The entrance was right behind you. You couldn't have gotten turned around so quickly? What the hell happened? Or maybe you had gotten turned around? Considering how distracting that Gojo kid was, you might not have realized it. 

You look around the house. Looks like it'd been abandoned for a while. There's dirt on the shelves. Chairs were toppled over and left to rot. The wooden floorboards dangerously creaked beneath you. Just what had happened here? 

There's no patio door. No door leading to the outside. At the same time, you hadn't explored everything yet. Each door led to a room. The only door that didn't, led to a basement. And no, you weren't going down there. 

When you got back to where you started, you noticed something had changed. 

There was a person. Seated right at the base of the stairs? 

Gojo? Was he done with urban exploring? Maybe he knew the way out. He stands up, reaching to his full height, then higher, then higher. 

Gojo was tall, but this thing was taller. Gojo was human. This thing wasn't. 

What the fuck you can only mouth because your voice is stuck in your throat when it takes a shaky step towards you. It's a black husk of a figure, too skinny but too tall and twitching fingers. You don't know how you could've mistaken this for the kid. 

Another step. You're running, back into the house, leaping over the fallen shelves and creaky floorboards. It gives chase, and you can hear it groan behind you. It's deep and rumbly and terrifying. It just motivates you to go faster. 

It's slower than you. That's good, but it seems to realize this. You can barely celebrate your advantage before something heavy is smashed into your back, sending you toppling to the floor. You and wooden chair crash on the ground. 

It hurts. 

Everything hurts. 

Dreams aren't supposed to hurt. Because this wasn't a dream. 

This was real. You were stuck in the year 2006, stuck in another person's body, about to get mauled by a monster. 

You were going to die. 

You aren't even fighting anymore. How pathetic is that? The shock numbs your body as the thing grows closer and closer, all you can do is reach your hands up, protecting your face. 

And then the creature explodes. 

An implosion. It's skin and bones twist in a way no one should. There's a shriek, something wrong and high and inhuman before it's gone. Like it never existed in the first place. 

After all that, he's still smiling. Like the cat that just caught the mouse. 

"I guess we're not pretending anymore, are we?" Gojo asks, stretching his arms. "That's good. That game was starting to get a little boring, anyways. Now, then." 

He folds his glasses, tucking it on his uniform. Blue, his eyes are. As blue as a clear sky. 

"Let's cut the shit." The white-haired kid grins. "Who are you, and what're you doing in Suguru's body?"

ⴵ

Contrary to your belief, Gojo Satoru is a good listener. 

There's never an interruption. Not even once. Every once in a while, he nods, a hand on his chin. It's probably because he can't interrupt. You just keep going on and on. Word vomit. 

He only speaks when you pause to catch your breath. "So you are from the year 2017, and you went back in time to body-snatch someone. I had a feeling your technique had something to do with possession." 

You look at him warily. "Wait, you knew this entire time?" 

You two hadn't moved from your earlier spot. You were still sprawled on the floor, still feeling the adrenaline surge through you. Gojo had transitioned to squatting on the floor. He scratches his neck, still so casual. 

"I have good eyes. Don't worry about it." He shrugs. "Anyway, you seem pretty harmless, and as annoying as it is not having Suguru around, I doubt killing you would do any good." Why is he being so nonchalant about murder? Is this kid really sixteen?

"I think we gotta' just wait around until your technique reactivates." Gojo whistles. "2017. That's like a decade away. I wonder what happened for your technique to show up." 

You blink, trying to remember the date. 

"It was Christmas Eve..." You glance at him. "And then I was here." 

He thinks for a moment. "Yeah, I got nothing." Of course. 

He sighs, before sprawling on the dirty floor, belly up. You grimace at his antics but choose to keep your mouth shut. 

He doesn't seem very worried. At the most, he looks mildly inconvenienced. Why isn't he worried about his friend? 

When you ask him, he just snorts. 

"Sorry, but you're not that scary. Besides, I don't have to worry about Suguru. He's strong." 

Well, that's nice to know, but one other thing still bothers you. 

"You speak so casually to me," you mutter, "You know I'm older than you, right? I'm 22." 

He laughs. "22? Damn. You're old, man." 

"That isn't old!" You argue. "You have no concept of age since you're just a teenager." And why did he assume you were a man? Oh right, you were trapped in a teenage boy’s body. Of course.

"I mean, technically, I'm older than you, right?" Gojo ponders with a grin. "If you're 22 in 2017, that makes you what—11 in 2006?" 

You say nothing because you have a feeling that if you continue to argue with him, he'll just drag you down to his insanity. 

"Technique, you've said that a couple of times." You look at him. "That's what you call your 'powers', right? Does Geto have one too?" 

"Yeah," Gojo says, "but you can't use it. You have zero cursed energy. Honestly, it's at the same level as a plant. A bit lower than regular humans. It's a little impressive, actually." For one second, could he stop being so condescending? 

"What's his technique?" You ignore his comments. "Could it be related to how I got here?" 

He gives you a look over. "I doubt that, but Suguru's technique is curse manipulation. Uh, you remember that thing you saw earlier." You nod. "Yeah, he can control and absorb them." 

He sounds pretty awesome. You look at your hands. Not your hands. Geto's hands. They're paler than yours, and a lot longer. This isn't your body. Your soul can feel it. You can feel the guilt too. 

'I'd give it back if I could,' you think, 'I just don't know how.' 

Gojo's getting up. He stretches. He was lying on the ground but you can't see a speck of dirt on his uniform. 

"Okay, then. No use mopping around." He grins down at you. "Maybe Yaga can do something about you. Let's get you back to jujutsu tech." 

You blink up at him. His hand is outstretched, reaching out to you. He's still grinning that insufferable grin but his eyes have slightly melted. 

"Okay." You say, barely touching his fingertips. "Let's-" 

And then Gojo's gone. And then, you're standing. And then it's cold. 

You're wearing a coat; weren't you wearing a uniform before? There's no clear sky. It's nearly dusk. 

You were standing on the sidewalk, where people bustled all around you. You fumble through your jackets, putting out a phone. An actual iphone. You flick on the screen. 

December 24th, 2017, 7:06.

Holy shit, you were back. 

Was it because you touched Gojo? That makes no sense, but how could you explain anything else that happened so far? God. You rake a hand through your hair. Your hand. Your hair. You can't believe how much you missed yourself. It felt so good to be back. 

Your mind is spinning, you had no idea what the fuck just happened.

For now, you just wanted to turn your mind off and grab a drink. 

You know there was a bar not too far from your location. Along the way, you pass by the bustling town. There's a couple walking side by side, giggling over something you couldn't hear. Right, it's the 24th. You remember your empty bed with no one to share it with, and you cement your desire to drown yourself in alcohol today. 

Your self-pitying session is almost how you nearly miss him. His shoulder brushes past you. You're about to apologize when you hear his voice. It's familiar. 

It used to be your voice. 

It's all there. Black hair, but it's longer this time around. Of course it is, he's had years to grow it out. He's tall, he must've grown since highschool. His broad back is the only thing you see, you're almost afraid to reach out to him. 

"Suguru...?" 

He halts in his tracks. When he turns around, it's like looking into a fractured past. He looks older, no longer a youthful teenager. You should have paid more attention to his eyes, how scrutinizing they were, how condescending his fake smile was. All that you could think of was that it was actually him. 

"Do I know you?" He tilts his head. "Apologies, but my girls and I are quite busy." 

You don't notice the two young ladies beside him until Geto points them out. Teenagers, maybe just around the age when you first met him. He was a father now. 

You're so swept up by the emotions that you barely notice they've continued walking. You stumble behind, ducking behind the alleyway they went into. 

"Wait! Geto!" You call. "Please! We need to talk!" You still needed your answers. You didn't know care how desperate you came off as. 

In hindsight, you should have noticed that they looked more annoyed than worried about a stranger chasing them across the street. 

The one with the ponytail scoffs. "This one talks an awful lot. How annoying." 

Geto sighs. He leaves his daughters, finally standing in front of you. This is what you wanted, right? A chance to talk to him. 

Still, you can't help but feel wrongness within you. His smile is off. 

"Most monkeys are just that, unfortunately." You don't move. You can't. Not when he places a hand on your skull. "I suppose it'd be humane to put this one out of its misery." 

Geto Suguru crushes your skull. And then you die. 

ⴵ

Again. You died again. 

This is the second time Geto has killed you. Fuck, you should've realized. 

"Back again, Greeny?" Gojo asks. 

He and Suguru were sitting outside in the grass. Satoru's holding up a few playing cards. You look at Suguru's hands and find yourself doing the same. 

Not again. 

"What year is it?" You ask warily. "And what did you just call me?" 

Gojo grins with teeth. You remember he compared you to a plant before, didn't he? He's so clever with nicknames; someone should give him an award. 

"Welcome back to 2006!" Gojo beams. "It's only been a couple of days since you left. And why are you so grumpy? I'm the one who just lost a player." 

You weren't grumpy, you were pissed. You figured out what's been going on with you, and it's all because of the asshole you're possessing right now.

The look on his face when he killed you. Like you were nothing more than an animal. A monkey. Now, you feel a lot less guilty about possessing his body. 

At least you figured out two things. You know how your technique works. Whenever someone kills you, you are sent back in time to take over their body. But you can go back whenever you touch Gojo, or perhaps just another sorcerer. 

Secondly, you have access to Geto's memories. 

It didn't happen the first time you died. It must have been because the kill wasn't direct (from Getos curse, rather than himself), but milliseconds after Geto split your skull in two, your brain was overwhelmed by his past, his present, as well as his future. 

Geto was set to die on December 24th, 2017. At the hands of his best friend, Gojo Satoru. 

Fuck him. Let the bastard die. You didn't give a shit. 

You reach over to touch Gojo's arm, ready to leave. He pulls back with a snicker. Ugh, the brat must've figured out your technique, too. 

"Stop messing around." You tell him. "I need to go back to my timeline." 

"Sure, sure," he says as though speaking to a time traveler is just another Tuesday. "But first, finish the game with me." 

"No." You tell him before leaning out even further. He isn't moving away anymore, but you still can't reach him. Fuck, he must've activated his technique. 

Despite your annoyance, you decide to keep the future away from Gojo's ears. He doesn't need to know that he'll be the one to kill Suguru. He shouldn't. Not at his age. He's just a kid. 

"Just one game! I promise!" He pleads. "Then I'll let you go. Suguru never lets me beat him, I want an easy opponent to boost my ego." 

You roll your eyes, but you settle down, picking up the cards. You already know the rules; you have Geto's memories, after all. 

It's silent, save for Gojo's humming. When you place down your King of hearts, you ask:

"Hey, is my cursed energy different at all?" You ask.

"Not really." He squints. "Wait, it has grown a little. Aw, Greeny sprouted!" 

So, every time you die, your cursed energy increases. That, or your cursed energy, increases every time you time travel. It doesn't matter either way. Does this mean you can use Geto's technique now? It couldn't hurt to try, right? 

There's a demon-no, they're called curses you know that now- floating beside you, just a little ways away. Small. Barely fourth grade. You stick your hand out, calling out Geto's power. There's a pull, a rush of energy. 

A blue ball drops into your hand. 

"Holy shit." Gojo leans forward. "So you can use his techniques." Surprisingly, there's no wariness in his voice. Just awe. 

"Yeah." You breathe before glancing up at him. "Shouldn't you be focused on your cards?" 

He shrugs, tossing the cards away. "What cards?" 

You sigh before staring at the ball. Well, you captured the curse. All that's left to do is swallow it, right? You can do that. You open your mouth. Gojo is still staring. You scowl. 

"Look away." 

He rolls his eyes. "It's not like I haven't seen you do this before. Well, not you, the guy that you bodysnatched." 

Ass, you keep that in your head as you hold your breath. You swallow the ball down. 

Instantly, you choke. 

It's horrible. Like a rotten carcass on the highway, oozing blood and oil and pus. You start dry-heaving, suffocating, spit dribbles down your chin. Nothing comes out. You've already absorbed it. The taste of a cursed spirit no one knows. Like swallowing a rag that was used to wipe up vomit and shit. Exorcised. Ingested. Exorcised. Ingested. Exorcised. Ingested. Exorcised. Ingested. 

"Is it really that bad?" Gojo observes you. "That guy swallows them down, no problem." 

Because Suguru was used to this taste. He was used to the responsibility. The hoarding mass of distraught absorbing a curse comes with. It was a disgusting art. Something he'd perfected to mask for years. Until he couldn't take it anymore. 

Fuck, you might have lost your mind, too, if you kept having to eat this. To protect people who were happy you failed. 

You snapped out of it. Suguru's memories were affecting your own. That's probably a sign that you need to get out of here. No way would you be sympathizing with someone so monstrous. 

"Hopefully, I never do that again." You slowly recover, wiping your spit away with your hand. You lean back on your hands, exhausted. 

"Something I've always wondered." You call out to Gojo. "What did Suguru ever think about someone possessing his body." 

Gojo laughed. "Funny thing. He never knew." 

"What?" You look at him. "No gaps in his memory? Nothing?" 

"Nope," Gojo said, "he remembered what happened in the house, but he thinks he did everything. And then he said something weird." 

You perk up at that. "What did he say?" 

Gojo tilts his head. Then, he shrugs. 

"I forgot." Typical. 

You pinch your nose bridge. "So, did you tell anyone else about...this?" You gesture to yourself. 

"Wait, you're supposed to be a secret?" You look at him in alarm. "In my defense, I didn't know, but I haven't gotten the chance to tell anyone. After the mission, Suguru and I went to the arcade, and then I kinda' forgot about it." 

Well, at least Gojo's arrogance works in your favor sometimes. You can't let anyone know, especially anyone connected to the higher-ups. From Geto's memories, you know they don't like anything new. It's best to stay under their radar. 

"Good, well, from now on, we're keeping it a secret. Got it?" 

"What are you two keeping a secret?" A new voice pops up. You jump. 

You know him—at least from Geto's memories. Haibara beams at you. He looks so alive in the sunlight, smiling and with bright eyes.

He'll be dead within a year or so. 

Gojo takes advantage of your shock. "The bodysnatcher wants me to promise that I won't tell anyone that a curse-user is possessing Suguru's body." 

"What the hell? You just promised that you wouldn't tell anyone!" 

"Uh, technically, I didn't promise anything yet." Gojo retaliates. "But okay, fiiiiine. I won't tell anyone....except for Haibara." You groan. 

"What's going on?" Haibara's smile fades. "Wait, Gojo, is this not Geto? Is this person actually a curse-user!?" 

"I'm not a curse-user." You correct. "I'm not a sorcerer either, for the record." 

"You just used a curse technique to travel back in time to take over someone's body." Gojo enunciates. "Sounds like a sorcerer to me." 

"Wait, you're a time-traveler, Mr. Not-Geto?" Haibara asks and you are genuinely impressed he's able to keep up. 

"The name’s Greeny, Haibara." Gojo supplements. Haibara nods, still a bit unsure. 

"So...do we fight Greeny?" 

"It's not my name." You get ignored. 

"Nah, it's all good. Greeny's harmless. Just a weakling, don’t worry about it." Rude, but you don’t think you’d want Gojo to take you as much of a threat, not after knowing what he can do.

"Oh, okay!" Haibara instantly relaxes. The kid's really trusting, huh? 

"Okay, fine, but no one else can know, got it, Gojo?" This promise doesn't matter. It's not like you're planning on returning to the past anytime soon. As soon as you return to the present, you are leaving Tokyo and escaping the night parade of 100 demons. Fuck that. You don't want to die again. 

He waves you off. "Yeah, yeah."

He's so insufferable. You don't know who's worse: the genocidal maniac or this brat. 

"Give me your hand. I want to go home." 

Haibara looks confused. "Wait, why does Greeny need your hand?" 

"It's how the curse technique works," Gojo explains. "Greeny gets sent back in time, and then my true-love's touch sends him careening forward into the future." You frown at his comment, but he turns to you before you can say anything. 

"Which reminds me, Greeny: ever figure out how your technique works?" 

No way are you telling a kid that their best friend killed you....twice. Instead, you just shrug. 

"Haven't figured it out yet." 

Gojo stares at you. "Huh." He responds. "Well, if you ever figure it out, lemme' know." 

Sure you will. You hold up your hand. Gojo, finally holds his own up. Out of the corner of your eye, Haibara waves. And then you're back in your own body, on December 24th, 2017, 7:06 pm.

You waste no time. You push at the crowd, squeezing through the hoards of people. You need to get out. You need to leave before the death parade starts, before you're trapped in that terrifying cycle of death again. 

You need to leave. 

Exorcised. Ingested. 

No no no. Shut up. This wasn't you. This was Geto's memories. 

Exorcised. Ingested.  

You need to leave. 

Exorcised. Ingested. 

You need to survive. 

The taste of a cursed spirit no one knows. 

You stop, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. People glare, cursing as they move around you. They don't know this place will be a bloodbath in a matter of minutes. They'd all die. But you could stop it. 

If only if you hadn't accessed Geto's memories. If only if you hadn't eaten that damn curse. If only if you hadn't sympathized with a murderer. Maybe you'd have the courage to escape your future. 

But you'd felt that taste. Horrible. If you eat enough, you could go insane. If you were lonely enough, that would do it too. 

The taste of a cursed spirit no one knows. No one except for you. 

At 8:06 the screams start. The monsters come out to play their song. You close your eyes, forgive Suguru, and you die once more. 

ⴵ

For once, when you open your eyes, Gojo isn’t there with you. 

You’re still on the campus of Jujutsu tech. Suguru was just about to grab his soda from the vending machine. You finish his job. The can feels cold. It feels refreshing on your tongue. It’s a momentary distraction to the fact that you have no clue what you’re doing. 

You understand your cursed technique, but you still struggle with the application. Fuck, what did you do? You were utterly fucked. You’re playing a dangerous game. If you died- if Geto died- here, what would even happen? 

 The worst part is that you can’t even think of the hypothetical because there’s no other choice. You needed to do this. To not only save the people in Tokyo from the Night Parade, but to also save Geto Suguru. The man who has killed you three times now. 

Geto’s dissent starts to worsen at Riko Amanai’s death. If you could prevent that from happening, you could probably change history. But Geto’s true fracture begins with the curses themselves. They were rotting him from the inside.

You grimace, but you have to do it. You have to eat every single curse that Geto couldn’t swallow down himself. 

One was coming up. In less than an hour, Yaga will call you and Gojo for a mission. It’ll be a special-grade grave-type curse. Dispatching it will be simple, but Geto would be the one to exorcise it, ingesting the screams of all that the curse devoured. You needed to prepare yourself for that. 

Maybe you should save some of this soda to wash the taste off later. 

“Geto!” Someone cheers, you jump, but Haibara’s already poking his head around the wall. He grins. 

“Hey! Oh, you’re not Geto, aren’t you?” He tilts his head. “Greeny?” 

“Keep your voice down,” you whisper, “wait, you can recognize me?” 

He nods, after checking to make sure no one’s around, he says, “yeah, your eyes are different? It’s hard to explain.” He tells you. 

Huh. Interesting. 

“You’ve been gone a while.” Haibara beams. “It’s been a few weeks. I’m glad you’re back, Gojo was starting to get cranky.” 

It’s probably because he had no one to mess with. Poor him. He has all your sympathies. Ass. 

“I’m glad to return as his punching back.” You mutter. 

Haibara shyly shuffles his feet. 

“So, are you really from the future?” He asks. “Was Gojo telling the truth?” 

You nod. “Haibara, you haven’t told anyone, right?” 

“Of course not!” He instantly says. “Not a soul. Not even Nanami, and I tell him everything! Your secret’s safe with me.” 

“And Gojo, too! I know he doesn’t look very trustworthy, but me and him have kept it under wraps.” 

Reluctantly, you can’t help but agree with the kid. Gojo is annoying, but so far, he hasn’t done anything super harmful. 

“So anyway, Greeny.” He clears his throat. “Considering you’re from the future and all. Would you mind telling me what my future will be like?” 

You blink at him. He takes it as a sign to continue. “Nothing much! I just wanna know what I’ll be doing in 2017. Will I finally be a grade 1 sorcerer?” 

You think of Geto’s final memories of Haibara. A child burying another child. 

“Sorry,” you lie through your teeth, “but I didn’t know you in my future. Again, I’m not really a sorcerer.” 

Haibara nods, disappointed but still very excitable. He asks you about other things about the future, and you try to answer to the best of your ability, but you can’t shake off his dead glass eyes, staring at you from the morgue. 

“Another thing, we should have a code word.” Haibara exclaims. 

You blink. “A code word?” 

“If we ever meet in the future,” he explains, “y’know, in 'Groundhog’s day', he has to keep explaining what’s happening repeatedly? In order to prevent that, we should have a secret word between eachother so I instantly know who you are.” 

Not the same exact situation, but it sounds like exactly something a child would come up with. You indulge him anyway. 

“Okay, what did you have in mind?” 

“Well, it can’t be anything too crazy, or we might attract unwanted attention.” Haibara puts a hand on his chin in serious thought. You smile. 

“Got it! If you ever see me, just yell ‘brocolli head’ really really loudly. Then I’ll know.” Haibara chirps. 

“Wait, why broccoli head?”

“Because broccoli heads are green!” Haibara chirps happily.

You’re starting to learn it’s best not to question his logic.

You nod, very amused. “Sure thing, Haibara.”  

Someone calls out his name. He jumps before he waves to you. You watch as he joins with Nanami. They talk about something you can’t hear. Haibara laughs and you decide it would be a shame if his laugh was lost to death. 

Gojo finds you eventually. You can’t hide from him forever. You were walking into the school when he caught up with you. He’d ran there. His breath was slightly ragged. 

“Greeny, couldn’t get enough last time, huh?” You shoot him a look. 

“What are you talking about? Doesn’t matter, we need to go, the missions coming up.” 

Gojo’s smile dips ever so slightly. “How’d you know about that?” 

It’s probably not a good idea to tell the guy's best friend that you’re possessing that you’ve unlocked his memories. 

“Haibara told me.” 

“Ah,” He replies, “let’s go then.” 

The car ride is different this time around. Less tension. You aren’t as confused. Gojo is seated quietly beside you, watching the scenery go by. The assistant is too preoccupied with belting the radio to notice Gojo's words. 

“Figured it out yet?” He asks. “Your technique.” 

He's persistent about that answer, isn't he? You're sure the only reason Gojo cooperates with you is because he thinks you're inhabiting Suguru's on accident. How would he react if he knew you were doing it intentionally? It's best not to get on the strongests’ bad side. 

“Oh, not really, but I think it’s random. I can’t seem to find a set pattern. Maybe Suguru calls out to me, somehow?” 

“Maybe.” Gojo replies. His time is flat. Anxiety flips through your stomach. 

“You’re different this time around,” Gojo says. 

“Am I?” You ask. “I guess I’m just more determined today.” 

He gives you a look over. "Oh yeah? What for?" 

"The curse. I'll exorcise it, today." 

You don't know how you wanted Gojo to react to that, but you're still disappointed when he turns back to the window. 

"Do whatever, Greeny." 

In the end, you do swallow the curse. You manage to hold your gags in this time. 

It's worse than before. It makes sense. This curse was first-grade. Stronger. In terms of taste, it was like curdled blood and mold. You were so grateful for that soda. 

Gojo only watches with a tilted head. 

"You're getting better at that."

You give a weak grin. 

"Practice makes perfect," you reply, "do you think I'll get strong enough to absorb a special grade soon?" 

He doesn't like your question. You can see it in his stiff expression. 

"Maybe. Why do you want to swallow up curses, anyway? Last time you were here, you were practically begging to go back." 

His response wasn't exactly hostile but far from his usual playful attitude. You knew you'd have to confront this eventually. Despite how nonchalant he acted, it's clear Satrou doesn't enjoy watching someone prance around in his friend's body like this. If he starts to dislike you, it could rupture your entire plan. You need his cooperation, more than anything, to save Suguru. 

A little bit of the truth. Just a bit. It can't hurt, can it?

"Curses taste horrible," you say, looking at the ground. You can still taste the remnants of it, "it's the worst thing in the world. I can't even explain how wrong it feels to eat one. I thought...while I'm in his body...I could maybe help Suguru a little. I could ingest the curses in his stead, so that way, he still gets to absorb it." But it'll lessen the trauma it has on his mental state. 

You can't see how Gojo feels about that. Those glasses of his cover everything. But you know he's staring at you. The six eyes are taking you apart, observing you whole. 

"Did you know Suguru in the future?" He asks. 

"I didn't." The man that killed you. The man that will keep killing you. And you'd forgive him each time. 

Another beat of silence.

Finally, he just sighs. "You're the kind of person who'll jump in front of a truck to save a kitten, right?" 

You give a sheepish laugh.

"That isn't a compliment, by the way. You're just really reckless. And maybe stupid, Greeny." His tone isn't mean. 

"My name still isn't Greeny." You tell him. 

"Oh yeah, what's your name, then?" He's reverted back to that teasing lilt, and it almost makes you relax if you don't note the curiosity underneath. 

So far, you've been lax giving away information regarding the future, but you don't think you should continue that. What if you're too careless and the future changes in a way you didn't intend? A name, personal information, that could be way too dangerous. 

"Actually, just call me Greeny. I like that name a lot better." 

"You complained about it all the time, though?" Gojo argues. 

"It's starting to grow on me." You grin. "Grow? Get it, because you compared me to a plant and-"

"Stop stop, you really are an old man." Gojo groans. You just grin wider. Then, you grimace.

“I can still taste it.” You complain. “I’d kill for a cigarette right now.”

“I caught our assistant manager smoking a while back,” Satoru suggests. “Maybe you could go and beg him for one.”

You toss him a look. “Suguru doesn’t smoke, and I’m not giving a teenager a nicotine addiction.” You have found lighters inside Suguru’s pockets, but you have a feeling it isn’t for his own cravings.

"Hey, could you do me a favor?" 

He gives a wordless hum.

"Maybe after this, could you take Suguru out to a cafe'? I can taste the aftertaste of the curse." You shudder. "Just get him something to wash it down." 

Also, Suguru couldn't go back to his dorm after this. Suguru dissented because of his fractured relationship with everyone, not just with Satoru. You'd try to bridge the gap between him and his peers as much as you can. You go through Suguru's flip phone, asking Shoko if she wants to join the two. 

When you're done with that, you snap the phone closed. 

"Okay, I'm done here. You two have fun, okay?" You raise your hand. 

Gojo just huffs, amused. "Sure sure. By the way, someone wanted to thank you." 

You blink at that. "What?" 

He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it."

He gives you a high-five, and then you're back in 2017 in your own body. 

Temporarily. So far you figured out that you get sent back an hour before the night parade happens. 8:06. Considering you have a couple more minutes to kill before you’re killed, you reach into your pocket for that cigarette you’ve been craving. You pick the first out of the box, cherry burns just out of corner of your eye.

You notice things now. The children giggled to their parents. Old couples gingerly held hands with sweet smiles. You'd save them, but first, you need to save Suguru. 

And do really do that, you'd have to save Riko. 

Easier said than done. You could go back in time, but you can't really control when to go back in time. It's been random, but your trips are typically two days away from each other. You can work with that. 

But in order to get to Riko's death, you'd have to die...a lot. Absorbing curses made Suguru lose his mind, but how well would you fare with dying over and over again? 

"Hungry?" 

Someone looms over you. A woman. She's pretty, with short hair and bangs. In her hand, she holds a bag of chips. 

"The vending machine gave me an extra." She gives a laugh. She kind of sounds like you. "Would you like one?" 

"Oh." You take it. "Thanks." 

"Don't mention it." She trots off into the crowd. You watch her.

A stranger's act of kindness. She didn't even know what would happen to her soon. You grip the bag, it crinkles in your grasp. 

It didn't matter how well you'd fare with dying over and over again. You'd get over it. So many innocent people depended on you. You can't just abandon them like this. 

You're the kind of person who'll jump in front of a truck to save a kitten, right? It's aggravating how accurate he is, honestly. 

The screams start up again, and you forgive Suguru. 

ⴵ

It takes a few cycles to finally reach the day Amanai Riko is assassinated. Whenever you deem yourself too early, you often accompany Gojo on a mission and exorcise a special-grade curse. Your overall plan is working, bit by bit. Each time you return, Suguru's memories swarm you. Each curse he remembers as less painful. 

It's why you get worried when you get there a little too late. 

"Something wrong?" Riko asks. 

You've stopped in the middle of the hallway, and of course, they're looking at you strangely. You know this place. Tengen's barrier is just an elevator ride away. Suguru, Riko, and Miss Kuroi were all almost there.

Fushiguro Toji has already arrived. 

In the first timeline, Geto leads the girls all the way down to Tengen's barrier. He puts his trust in Gojo. Of course, he would. They're the strongest. And in the end, Gojo does kill Toji. 

But the kill comes too late. Riko still dies, and the fracturing happens. 

You thought you'd have more time. If you had arrived a bit earlier, you could have fought with Gojo, and the chances of defeating Toji would have significantly increased. 

What do you do?

"What's the matter?" Miss Kuroi asks. She's supposed to die today, too. 

"Sorry, ladies." You smile. "But I need to go back for him." 

You don't answer their calls, running back up the hallway. The sun's bright, shimmering beautifully in the sky.

It contradicts the blood dripping all over the stone floor. 

Gojo's lifeless body is draped across the rubble. It's a horrifying sight. Eyes that were once like the sky are just this empty blue. A dead sea. He isn't breathing. You know, if you touched his wrist, you wouldn't feel a heartbeat. 

"Hate to break it to ya', but the Gojo kid's dead." Toji's right behind you. You can feel him grinning. 

You know Gojo isn't dead. At least, he won't be dead for a while, but seeing the boy who used to tease you, annoy the shit out of you, laugh at you, be so....it made you freeze. Falter. 

You were wasting time. 

"Sorceror killer." You say after a minute. You almost can't bring yourself to turn, to look at him. The man who kills Gojo. The man who could've killed Suguru, but chose not to. "You certainly live up to your name." 

Toji's grin widens. The only man in the world with zero cursed energy. It'd be awe-inspiring if it weren't so terrifying. 

It's funny. You weren't afraid of dying, not anymore. You were afraid of failing. Failing when you were so close, when victory was just a blink away. 

"The flyheads." You mention to the swarms of curses all around you. "That's really smart." It gives you an idea or two. 

You have Suguru's memories, but they aren't always concrete. You just have snippets. A general idea of what happened within a certain event. It makes sense. Humans can't remember everything. 

But regarding the memories of Suguru and Fushiguro, everything is crystal clear. It's almost like you were there when it happened. 

It also means that you know Suguru, at this current level, won't be able to defeat Fushiguro. 

But Suguru doesn't need to beat the sorcerer killer; he just needs to hold him off. 

Currently, Suguru's body contains 368 curses: 3 special grades, 24 grade ones, 33 grade twos, 103 grade threes, and 205 fourth grades. 

You release all 368 of them. 

In another timeline, these curses would look to you as something to devour. Today, these curses have a new target. 

It won't stop Fushiguro. You're not dumb enough to think that. But it should give you time. Hopefully, it'll be enough time. 

Your knees hurt when you collapse next to the corpse. Gojo's so beautiful, even when he's dead. 

"Gojo." You shake him. Nothing happens. "You need to wake up. Gojo." 

Nothing happens. You don't know what caused Gojo to become the strongest, Suguru wasn't there. For once, you are blind to the past. 

"Riko needs you. Wake up. You-you need to go and save her and Miss Kuroi." 

His body's so cold, and you know he's dead because when you touch his skin, you don't wake up in the present. You push against his body, and he falls limply right back to place. You're sure this sight will haunt you for the rest of your life. 

"Satoru." You beg. "It's Greeny. Please, please, please wake up."

 Nothing happens. 

Everything happens. 

The brightest blue you've ever seen. It's heavenly. A glow that warms and chills your skin. It takes a while for you to see again. When you do, Satoru is standing. 

Somehow, his eyes are even brighter. You don't think you're looking at a teenage boy anymore. 

You're sitting in front of God. 

"Greeny." he states, voice flat. "You're late." 

You manage to smile.

"Sorry." 

You’ve seen Satoru fight before. He’s always calm, body relaxed as he practically floats in the air. Those fights differed from Suguru’s memories—post Satoru’s awakening. There’s always this twinge of desperation. An aftertaste of bloodlust.

But seeing it for yourself is something else entirely. Even with Suguru’s heightened senses, you still can’t follow him. He’s barely a mirage. One milisecond you can see a blue flash, the next you see nothing.

It's barely a fight. Not this time around. Fushiguro is completely unmatched. There's a flash of purple. And then, it's over. 

Fushiguro is in shambles. You didn't realize he was human until he started to bleed and shatter. Parentage over labor. It's sobering, in a way. 

Satoru's mouth moves. You're too far away to hear anything. They stand there for a few more seconds until Fushiguro slumps. Then, he falls.

You wonder when you got so desensitized to death. 

Gojo stands there. You should let him compress, but the clock is ticking. You need to do one more thing before you can let Suguru go. 

"You need to go." You say when you're close to him. He doesn't acknowledge you. "Riko's about to enter Tengen's barrier." 

He looks at you right then. His eyes. They're so bright, but they're strangely lifeless. Like he can't process you, your words. 

"I can see you now," he says, "it was so foggy before, but now, you're crystal clear." 

Six eyes look at you. You don't think you're hiding behind Suguru's face anymore. 

You clear your throat. 

"Gojo." You remind him. "Riko. You need to stop her." 

He blinks back into focus, rising from his high. 

"Oh," he says after a moment, "right." 

You stop him before he can walk any further. You hold out your hand. 

"You and Suguru." 

For the first time in a while, Gojo hesitates to send you back. You wait a couple seconds longer. 

"Yeah," he finally says.

His skin still feels cold. 

ⴵ

This death is a lot more painful than the others. 

The curse that's holding you is more intelligent than its predecessors. It keeps you alive, tearing at your skin, feasting on your flesh. Blood is everywhere. You scream until it rips out your vocal cords. It's almost a mercy to just die. 

You forgive Suguru. 

ⴵ

Time skips a lot faster now. 

You stand in 2006, four months after the death of Fushiguro Toji. It takes a second for Geto's memories to kick in. What you see makes you nearly cry in relief. 

Gojo and Geto made it in time. You can still remember the tears spilling down Riko's cheeks, the smile on her face when Geto asked her if she wanted to go back. They were safe. They were home, with each other. 

You did it. You actually managed to pull it off. 

But you can't celebrate, not yet. From what you can gather from Suguru's memories, Geto defects after four years. You've just held off the eventual. 

It's nearly the middle of December. The air feels a bit chillier. You stay on that bench where Suguru once occupied. He was finishing his lunch. Usually, he'd eat with Satoru, but Satoru wasn't on campus these days. 

Right, you weren't finished with your work, yet. There was still one other issue. Suguru went on missions alone these days. Swallowing curses, letting them fester and rot in his body. It's isolating and grueling work. You might have been able to help him with the absorption, but your aide won't be enough to prevent his eventual downfall. 

You'll have to deal with his natural isolation. To do that, Suguru will have to make friends with people who aren't Satoru. 

Suguru does have friends, but he's the closest to Satoru. Considering Satoru is getting busier each passing day, Suguru needs to broaden his horizons a bit. 

It's a good thing this school is filled with such colorful characters. 

Haibara and Nanami were sitting in the back of the school. From Geto's memories, their dynamic was interesting. Haibara was definitely more outgoing than the two, but Nanami seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. They looked out for each other, in that way. 

Ah, Shoko was there, too. You haven't seen her since your first day. Her hair's grown longer. It lightly brushes her shoulders now. The cigarette in her hand burns a cherry red. 

Your reaction is rooted in Suguru's instinct than anything on your part. You reach out, taking the cigarette and stomping on the embers. 

"You shouldn't smoke in front of kids." You tell her, hoping she didn't read too much into your action.

Shoko scoffs, but to your satisfaction, she doesn't take out another one. 

"We're just one year below you." Nanami retaliates, but he looks more at ease now that the cigarette's out. 

"Did you finish lunch already, Geto?" Haibara asks kindly, then he takes a closer look. "Greeny?" 

You suck air through your teeth, giving Haibara a scathing look. Instead of looking exasperated, Nanami looks confused. 

"What's Greeny?" Nanami asks, and Haibara weakly laughs. 

"It's-uh-my new nickname for the tree that's growing over there!" He wildly points to something just behind you. "'Cuz it's so...green!"

"Of course." You note the hint of affection laced within his tone. 

"When'd you get back?" Haibara recovers with eagerness. 

"Recently." You grin. "Nice to see you again." 

"You saw him this morning," Nanami interjects, and you shrug. When he frowns, you know you pulled off a perfect Suguru impression. 

Suguru melds into the conversation perfectly. Haibara says something funny, Shoko and Suguru agree, Nanami disagrees. It's a lovely little cycle that ends when Nanami grumbles and picks himself up to go. Shoko starts to follow suit when you stop her. 

"Your hair's nice." You tell her. 

She hums, grabbing a strand to study it. You can see hints of dark circles beginning to form under her eyes. She looked livelier when you first met her. Curses have been popping up left and right since Fushiguro's death. Everyone is overworked, but Shoko looks like she's getting the brunt of it. She's one of the only people who can use RCT on others, and there aren't many healers on her level. All of the strongests share one thing in common it seems. 

"Pretty soon, it'll be longer than yours," Shoko replies. You smile in response. 

"Where are you going?" You ask. 

"Dorm," she replies, "I'm behind on paperwork." 

You had a feeling she always was. You gave a look of sympathy, but misery loves company. 

"I have some work too," You 'remember' the piles of papers lodged on Suguru's desk, "Maybe we can do it together later. The cafe right next to campus? It'll be my treat." 

She looks at Suguru. Her eyes are a pretty color. 

"Sure." She shrugs. "see you then." 

You feel your heart thump twice in your chest and decide that your work here is done. 

Haibara stares at Shoko's disappearing back. The forehead flick comes from both you and Suguru. 

"That hurt." Haibara whines. 

Good, you inwardly think. 

"Sorry." You tell him. He rubs his head, and you wonder if this is how kicking a puppy feels like. 

Luckily for you, Haibara recovers quickly. 

"You've been gone for a while." Haibara tilts his head. "What happened?" 

You can't exactly control your technique, it's more like it has a mind of its own, placing you exactly where you need to be placed. Instead of answering, you sigh, leaning against the wall. 

"Timeline gimmicks." You tell him tiredly. "It's hard to explain." He frowns, but he takes it as an answer.

"Do you know when Gojo's coming back?" You ask. "I think it's time for me to go back again." 

In previous time travels, you and Haibara tried to see if any physical contact would be enough to send you back. No matter how many times you two high-fived, shook hands, or even held hands. Nothing worked. Only Gojo Satoru could activate your technique. It must have something to do with the amount of cursed energy another person has. 

“He should be getting back later this evening.” Haibara muses. “But I’ll be happy to keep you company!”

It's nice to hear him chatter. If you'd let him, he'd go one and one. But you like hearing him talk about his sister. Apparently, she’s also a sorcerer, and his affection for her makes you smile.

"You remind me a lot of her, actually." He tells you. "Even though, y'know, you're a man." It's enough to get a laugh out of you. 

“Do you have anyone in your family who can see curses?” Haibaracasks.

“No,” you answer honestly, “at least, not that I can tell. My dad never spoke of curses or strange powers when I was growing up.”

You think he would have said something; after all, you two were too close to have secrets from each other. Your father was a single man, who took to raising you himself after your mother passed away. He often said you had her laugh.

“Maybe you’re one of a kind,” Haibara suggests.

You agree with him.

Gojo finds you before you can find him. He comes up to you with a grin and a wave.

“Hey, long time.”

His sunglasses are tilted down. You can see his eyes. They’ve lost the mania he had in his fight with Fushiguro. You’re relieved at that. You still can’t shake off that strange thing he said to you.

Wordlessly, you raise your hand. Satoru frowned.

“You wanna leave so soon? You just got here.”

“I’ve been here for hours,” you tell him, “also, you aren’t very concerned that someone is using your best friend’s body as a puppet.”

“He’s been through worse,” Satoru tells you off with a wave. Some friend.

“Let’s go to the arcade,” he suggests.

“Do that with Suguru.” You tell him. “I’m not hanging out with a high schooler.”

“Right right, my bad. I keep forgetting you’re an old man, Greeny.”

“22 is not old,” you say with exasperation, “didn’t your birthday just pass? You’re just five years away. I’ll see your attitude change, then.”

He grows quiet. You feel like you messed up somewhere.

“How did you know about my birthday?”

Fuck, you keep forgetting about keeping Suguru’s memories a secret. It takes everything within you to just relax.

“Haibara told me,” you say, “blabbermouth. You know him.”

“Oh.” Gojo replies. “Huh.”

You shuffle your feet. Distantly, you wonder what shoe size Suguru wears.

“How did your mission go?”

“Horrible,” he’s instantly back to his usual self, whiny and complaint, “and the curse was so ugly too. It was oozing goo everywhere.”

You frown. “Sounds gross. But you won, right?”

He doesn’t even answer. You secretly admire his sheer confidence. You certainly weren’t that when you were at his age.

“How’s Amanai and Miss Kuroi?” You ask.

“Safe.” He tells you. “The higher-ups weren’t really happy with us after that; pretty sure all these sudden missions are punishments.” He frowns. “But they’re fine. Miss Kuroi officially adopted her, so she’s a Kuroi now, too.”

You smiled. You already knew all that, but it’s nice to hear it.

“You saved them,” he says.

You laugh, “I didn’t do a thing.” You tell him. “You and Suguru did all the heavy lifting. I just caused some property damage.”

“You did.” He replies. “I don’t know how, but things always manage to work out whenever you’re around.”

You don’t like how he phrases that, but you don’t react.

“You think so? Maybe I’m lucky.” It’s supposed to be a joke of some kind. Neither of you laugh.

“You really don’t know us in the future?” He asks.

Maybe you should’ve asked Shoko if you could have a cigarette.

“I really didn't,” you say, “Honest, I—I have no idea what’s happening. I’m just as lost as you. Hopefully, I can figure out how to control my technique, and you won’t have to see me again.”

You never stopped feeling guilty for doing this to Suguru. Controlling him. Forcing him to laugh with his friends, make decisions based on your feelings rather than his. But you’re so close. You promise yourself that once you fix everything, you’ll never cause someone this much pain again. No matter how many times they kill you.

Satoru’s fists tighten. He looks even more upset at your response.

“That’s not what I—” He cuts himself off. You wait. Satoru says nothing more.

“You’re annoying.” He tells you in the end. It’s clean and cut, but it sounds like him. More confident, less wavery. “And stupid too.”

You can’t help but smile.

“Thank you. Am I done entertaining you now? Can I go?” He grumbles, holding up his hand.

“Yeah, sure, Greeny.”

ⴵ

You forgive Suguru.

ⴵ

Something’s wrong.

You can feel it. Something’s wrong.

You look through Geto’s memories. There’s nothing. Everything’s going as it should be. Everything looks perfect. Then, why do you feel so wrong?

Currently, Suguru was finishing excorcising a curse. You absorb it, swallowing down the remnant like it’s a pile of rusted nails but even the disgusting taste isn’t enough to wash away the feeling of dread.

The walls of the hospital was empty. The auxillary managers had already cleared everyone out by the time Suguru had walked in. Maybe it was the silence that added to your stress?

You walk out. Nothing changes. One of the managers comes up to you with a clipboard.

“The curse was exorcised.” Suguru tells them. “It wasn’t first grade, it was special grade. It was still disposed of.”

He curses, scribbling something down on his clipboard.

“The wrong information again.” He hisses to himself. “If we keep doing this, someone will die. We need more people, we’re way too stretched out.”

Those words are familiar. Hold on.

“Wait, what day is it?” You ask the frazzled-looking manager.

Offhandedly, he responds. He says the date so casually, and yet his mere words feel like a bear trap, tightening on your leg.

No. You should have had more time. Why weren’t you given more time?

Nanami and Haibara have probably already been dispatched. You go through Suguru’s phone, finding Haibara’s contact. It doesn’t go through. Nanami doesn’t pick up either.

You won’t make it in time. Even using Suguru’s curses, you won’t be able to reach them until it’s too late. Suguru’s memory of that day is muddled and dark, but Haibara’s dead corpse laying on the examination table. The pieces of him that Nanami could bring back.

You wouldn’t be fast enough.

He picks up on the second ring.

“...What’s up?”

“It’s Haibara.” You spit the words out as fast as you can. “Satoru, you need to go and get him right now, he isn’t going to make it—”

“—Greeny?” The exhaustion in Gojo’s voice is gone. You can hear something rustle behind him.

“Satoru, listen to me.” You beg. “Haibara and Nanami were just dispatched on a mission, but Yu isn’t going to survive it. It wasn’t a second-grade curse; it was a first grade. Please, you have to go and save him before it kills him.”

It’s silent. It feels like hours have passed when you know it’s just three seconds.

“We’ll talk later, Greeny.” The line clicks.

You’ve lost the trust of the strongest.

ⴵ

The future has changed when you get to campus. Haibara’s status is still alive. Barely. But he’s still there. Shoko’s currently taking care of him.

Nanami remains quiet the entire time since he returned with Haibara’s battered body. The only thing you can think of to offer comfort is to pat his shoulder. He barely even registers it. It’s more for you than for him. You’re self-soothing, taking care of something else, so you don’t have to recognize your own panic.

If Haibara dies, right here, on this day, everything can change. Everything can go back to the way it was in your original timeline. Haibara, with his sunshine, smiles, and bright eyes. His death is so important, and you can’t even think of him right now.

Gojo Satoru knows you’ve been deceiving him.

This is bad. So very bad. If he starts to suspect that you know more than you let on, he might deem you enough of a threat to kill, regardless of whether or not you’re in Suguru’s body. It’s not like that hasn’t stopped him before.

Gojo Satoru is selfless. He’s selfless enough to kill his best friend, if he thinks it will save everyone.

But if Gojo kills Geto here and now, would that really be bad?

You’d lose your path to the past, but the threat to your life would be over. Even if you did die in Suguru’s body, at least the people of Tokyo will be spared the Death Parade. You’ll still get what you want. And it will be much easier than your current plan.

Nanami shuffles behind you and you instantly snap out of it. That wasn’t you. It couldn’t have been you. That same lack of apathy when Fushiguro died in front of you.

It seems like dying over and over again caused you to lose bits of your humanity.

Shoko comes out. Nanami stands up, a tall ball of nervous energy. Shoko removes her mask. Her dark circles have grown even more prominent. She’s only 17.

“He’s still alive.” Nanami sags. “But he isn’t responsive. I’ve done all that I can.”

She looks at Nanami, and then she can’t anymore.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Nanami rasps, the most emotion you’ve ever seen from him, “don’t apologize. It was my fault. I should’ve taken better care of him.”

You swallow. It wasn’t his fault, you wish you could tell him that it was yours.

You wonder what Haibara’s younger sister looked like. A spitting image of him, perhaps. Shorter. Darker hair, bigger eyes. Their smiles would look identical. What would she look like when she’s told her brother died doing the profession he forbade her from doing?

You can’t do that to her. You can’t be the reason she loses her brother the second time.

You’re not sure if a God is even out there. How could there be? What kind of entity would do something like this to you? Still, you sit on that bench, right outside the room where Haibara’s body lay, and you pray for a God.

Gojo’s footsteps stop right in front of you.

It’s hard to get the words out. For a minute, he just stands there.

“Did you exorcise it?” You finally ask.

“Yeah.”

You lift your head up to look at him. Even in his school uniform, he’s regal to look at. Like a warrior of the sun, blessed by the moon, sent to vanquish beasts and monsters.

Now, his blood-soaked sword is pointed at you.

Make it quick. You can only think. Just make it quick.

“Not here.” You say.

Nanami was still shaking. Shoko was right beside him. So you stand, you drag yourself away from Haibara’s fading presence, and Gojo follows behind.

It shouldn’t be this pretty outside. The sun is bright, and the sky is clear. There should be rain. Enough rain to drown the Earth.

“I figured out your technique a while ago, y’know.” You don’t look at him. You can’t. “Dying. Death activates your technique. Each time you die, you’re sent back 12 years in the past.”

You grip the fabric of your uniform until your knuckles turn white. Satoru’s cruel enough to continue.

“But I never got why your soul kept possessing Suguru’s body. It always felt kinda’ random. Unless he was the one who was killing you. Over and over again.”

“Gojo. Stop.” You beg.

“That’s how your CT works. Every time you’re murdered, you go back in time so you can kill them when they’re at their most emotionally vulnerable moment. It’s a pretty powerful technique, all things considered. I might not even stand a chance against it. Assisted suicide, never expected that from you of all people.

But you never do. Each time Suguru kills you, you just come back and try to save him and everyone else your hands can reach. I can’t get why you did that.”

He steps in front of you so you can see him. The God that he is.

“Let’s cut the shit, Greeny. Tell me what future is so bad you’re willing to die over and over again to prevent it.”

The worst outcome you could have ever thought of was standing right in front of you.

Satoru was demanding to know his future.

And...you couldn’t.

You’re taking in a shaky breath. It’s not enough oxygen. The sky was close to crumbling, and you still couldn’t breathe.

“There’s nothing to know.” You try. “There’s nothing, I’m fixing it—”

“—by Suguru killing you, or is this considering killing yourself, now?”

“You don’t understand.” Your voice is cracking, so high-pitched that even Suguru’s vocal cords can’t keep up. “You don’t get it. You can’t.”

“Then help me understand.” His voice is as ragged as yours, he steps closer, you step back. “Tell me why my friend would do something like this to someone.”

It clicks right then. Satoru’s anger isn’t directed at you.

No, it’s directed at Suguru.

It’s even worse than you thought.

“He—he was better than me. He was supposed to be the best out of all of us. I wanna deny it all that I can but—but I can see the proof right here in front of me. And—And I don’t—” His voice breaks too much to continue. 

You’re breaking, too. How many times have you been doing this, over and over again? All alone, with no one to support you. To comfort you.

The words are right there, threatening to bubble out. It’d be so easy to tell Satoru everything.

And maybe you would’ve, but then you looked at him.

Despite how disingenuous Satoru acted, you knew he was kind. The kindest person you’ve ever met. He’d sit there and listen, and he’d break every bone in his body to help. That’s just how he was.

Satoru was selfless, he was selfless enough to kill his best friend here and now if it meant he’d save the millions in Tokyo.

You can’t put another burden on the strongest.

You can’t do that to a kid.

“It—it isn’t him.” You manage to spit out. “He isn’t doing it on purpose. It’s not his fault.

It’s the curses. They were too much for him; they overtook his body. Suguru couldn’t control them anymore.”

He says nothing. It’s like you’ve put a spell on Gojo somehow, freezing him in place. Satoru can’t do anything but stare at the talking puppet that’s his best friend.

“He lost so many people.” You continue. “Riko, Miss Kuroi, Haibara. He couldn’t take it. It was too much. His body succumbed to the curses, and they took over Shinjuku. That’s how I keep...”

It’s okay to lie like this, you justify to yourself. Because the Suguru, you know—the one with fake smiles, beady eyes, and a broken expression—isn’t the one that Satoru knows. They’re two completely different people. Years—timelines—apart from each other. They aren’t the same.

Even then, you forgave both Sugurus a lifetime ago.

You’d get on your knees if you know that would make a difference. You’d plead and beg and cry if it would get Satoru to drop it. In the end, you can only stare at him.

“All I’m asking is that you trust me.” You whisper. “Believe that I’m making this right. Please, Satoru?”

His eyes. You can’t tell what he’s thinking. He’s gone quiet and dull. The same look he had when he fully awakened his technique. The day he became God.

But he’s not a God. God’s don’t cry.

He leans ever so closely until his head rests on your shoulder. His body shakes.

“You’ll save him, right?” He asks. Gone, is his aura of confidence and resilience. He’s nothing more than a shell. If you feel something stain Suguru’s uniform, you say nothing about it.

You smile anyway.

“I will.” You tell the truth. “I will save him.”

You think of something morbidly funny.

“I’ll die trying.”

His shoulders shake with quiet, genuine laughter, the kind that’s wet and sticks to the top of your mouth.

“That’s fucked up, Greeny.” He whispers.

You hum, reaching up to pat him on the back. It takes another minute before he gathers himself up. His eyes are shiny. Satoru blinks it away.

“Haibara will be okay.” He says with such conviction. “I’ll take care of him. I’ll take care of Suguru, too.”

He doesn’t get it, not yet. He doesn’t understand that Shoko and Satoru and Haibara and Nanami need him. He’ll get it soon, though. You managed to put Suguru on the right path.

For now, it’s all you can do. 

“I know you will.” 

He scoffs, right then. 

“You’re really annoying, you know that? Next time, don’t piss me off like that. Just tell it to me straight.” 

Rely on me. Lean on me.

“I’m sorry,” you say and you truly are, “I won’t leave you in the dark from now on. I guess I just forgot that I had a friend in 2006.” 

His eyes get a little brighter. “It’s actually 2007—” 

“Shut up.” He laughs and it sounds like him again. 

You reach out your hand and his grin fades, the tiniest bit. He mirrors you, regardless. 

This time, you hesitate.

“You should learn how to be selfish every once in a while.” You tell him. “I won’t fault you if you’re selfish. I don’t think anyone will.

He doesn’t answer that, but his touch is finally warm.

ⴵ

It hurts. It hurts so much. Blood seeps into the pavement. You can hear the curse laughing. It sounds like him.

You forgive Suguru. 

ⴵ

It’s today. 

You can feel it. You don’t even have to look at the date to know.

The catalyst for December 24th, 2017.

Suguru’s already dressed. You’re currently standing in front of a shotty mirror, watching your reflection.

He looks tired. His smile’s a bit muted. You notice a scar you hadn’t seen before. An unregistered special grade curse, Suguru’s memory gives.

He’s different from when you saw him a year ago, but there’s still a spark in his eye. You cling to that hope, as hard as you can.

You step out of the room. It isn’t Suguru’s. He’d rented accommodations with an older woman and her son for the mission. Their place smelled like home. It made your stomach turn.

She smiles when she sees you coming down stairs. She looks kind; she has the eyes of a mother. You’ll never understand how a person who raised children could do something like this to another.

“Mr. Geto.” She chirps. “I’m so glad you’re awake! Would you like anything to eat?”

“No, I’m fine.” Better get this done sooner than later. “I should be heading back now, anyways.”

Suguru had already absorbed the curse tormenting the village last night. You can feel the sticky aftertaste in your mouth. He should have left the village yesterday, but the people were insistent he stayed one last day as thanks, feeding him all they could.

Now, it’s obvious that it was a way to butter him up for today.

Her smile grows a bit nervous. She shuffles her feet a bit.

“If it isn't too much.” She starts. “The head of our village asked if you could look at something.” Her eyes darken into disgust.

You fight to keep your smile.

“Of course. Please, lead the way.”

It’s worse than you ever could have imagined.

You’ve seen this play out so many times in Suguru’s memories. He reminisces about this moment a lot. Because of that, you knew this scene too, like the back of your hand.

And yet, seeing two children huddled together on the floor. Nothing could prepare you for that.

The village head is saying something. The woman who Suguru roomed with is yelling at the scared kids, but you can’t hear any of that.

Their clothes were dirty and ripped. Their cheeks were hollow, and they looked like they hadn’t eaten for days. Himiko’s eye looks swollen.

The twins.

The first time you saw them, they stepped aside and let Geto kill you. There’s something oddly poetic about you being on the other side.

They tremble as they continue to look at you, flinch whenever that woman raises her voice. They must think Suguru’s here to kill them.

They’re too young to think like that. They’re too young to see the horrors of this world so soon.

It’s a mistake to look towards the end of their cell. Dirty water and dog food.

How could a human do this to them? How could a mother do this to them?

You feel red. It coarses through your blood, your veins, your soul. It feels like there’s lava right underneath your skin. Shuddering, tittering anger.

There’s more than enough fire to burn down an entire village.

‘Suguru,’ you think to your companion, your tormentor, ‘I think I’m starting to get it now.’

You reach for the bars of the cell. The twins shrink away.

“Ah! Mr. Geto, you musn’t get too close to them—”

“I’ll take them.”

“What?” The head of the village asks.

“The children.” You straighten yourself up. “I’ll take them off your hands.”

It’s pointless to do anything to these people. They’re delusional enough to think that they’re in the right. By torturing these children, they’re protecting their own. It’s fear. That’s all it ever was. Even without a curse, it’ll fester on and on until this village is nothing but abandoned homes. There’s no point to punish these people any further.

If you look at the adults a bit too long, you’re afraid of what you’d do, even without Suguru’s interference. Instead, you focus on Himiko and Nanako, looking into their wary gazes. Their hands are so tiny. You could protect them with your own.

When you got out of this backward village, you’d find them something to eat.

ⴵ

You go to Shoko first.

She looks surprised to see the twins. You can’t imagine why. Still, her voice is calm when she speaks to them, setting both of them up in the clinic room. Since you got them into the car, Nanako and Himiko seemed to calm down. Himiko even told you the name of her doll.

A little while later, Yaga comes for a visit. He’s the principal now. Usually, his voice is filled with gruff, but he’s oddly gentle when he speaks to them. Nanako cracks a shy smile.

You can’t escape the ‘we’ll talk later’ look he gives you. Inwardly, you sympathize with Suguru. But a harsh lecture is better than being branded a murderer.

He hasn’t come by, yet. With the twins aided for, you decide to go find him yourself.

Walking through campus feels a little nostalgic. The grounds of the infamous jujutsu technical college are a bright green. It’s summer again. You’ve met so many colorful characters since your time here. You’ve only seen snippets, mere seconds of their lives, and yet it feels like an entire lifetime.

He’s sitting on a bench when you finally see him, nursing a drink. He doesn’t acknowledge you. You have to roll your eyes at his childish behavior, plopping down beside him.

“Hey.” You say first.

“Heard you adopted two kids,” Satoru says, “Never thought Suguru would be a teen mom, but here we are.”

You laugh, light and breathless. The sky is so pretty today.

“I don’t think he’d have it any other way, personally.” You respond.

He reminisces on your words.

“This happened before too?” He asked.

It did. It was a lot less of a happy ending, however.

“Yeah,” you say regardless, “he took good care of them last time. He’ll do the same in this timeline too. I’m sure of it.”

And this time, he’d have help. Shoko, Satoru, his teachers. They’d all be there for him. Suguru’s memories haven’t changed yet, but you know the future you step into will be a different one.

“In any case, I’m glad I got to see jujutsu tech one last time. It’s a beautiful campus.”

“You act like you’re leaving,” Satoru says, uncaring. “You’ll just come back again next month. Or next year.”

You play with your fingers.

“I...won’t be doing that from now on.”

He pauses. Then, he looks at you.

“What?”

You can’t gauge his reaction, but he doesn’t look happy. You find this a bit hard to swallow.

“I fixed the future.” You smile at him. “I finally did it. Suguru won’t break. Himiko and Nanako won’t lose their father. You won’t lose a friend, anymore. There’s no reason for me to keep coming back. You’re all free.”

You phrased the last part as a joke, but Satoru isn’t laughing.

“Wait, you’re leaving? You’re...leaving leaving.”

You nod. “I can’t believe it either.” You still can’t believe you accomplished everything you set out to do. A task that seemed so impossible, now you’re standing on the other side of it.

It wasn’t truly over. Not really, but you were able to get Suguru through the worst of it. Now, you were sure Satoru and Shoko would take up your mantel, pushing Suguru through the finish line. Just like he’ll do to them.

Satoru’s quiet.

“You seem happy.” He notes.

“Well, I did just save everyone, I think I deserve to feel a little good about myself.”

For a moment, you want to ask if it’ll be okay to visit everyone in the future. To see how Shoko and Suguru and Satoru are doing as adults. You stop yourself. Of course, they wouldn’t want to see you. You needed to stop being so greedy.

This, was more than enough.

“Will you at least tell me your name?” Satoru asks.

“You know I can’t do that.” You tell him with a smile.

“Right right.” He laughs, it sounds hollow. “Time travel, bullshit. Makes sense.”

“I’ll miss you.” You tell him.

He straightens himself up.

“I’ll miss you too, old man.” He responds. “You were a lotta’ fun to mess with.”

For once, you aren’t offended by the old man’, comment. If anything, it feels somber.

“Can I ask for some advice?” He suddenly asks. “Y’know what they say, ask the old and wise or whatever.” Okay, now he was starting to push it.

“What is it?”

It’s his turn to shuffle with his fingers.

“What would you do if...there’s something you really want, but no matter how fast you run, you just can’t catch up to it?”

You glance at him. He looks earnest. Did something like that even exist for Satoru?

“Something I can’t catch up to?” You ponder out loud. “I guess I’d have to make a big enough ruckus to where it has no choice but to look back.”

He frowns. “That makes no sense. You’re growing senile.”

You laugh. You’ll miss this brat.

You wish you could stay more. You wish you could ask about Haibara, and Shoko, and Nanami, but the clock is ticking.

Suguru’s getting impatient.

“Bye, Satoru.” You reach out your hand.

He scrutinizes it, before clasping it within his own.

“Yeah, Greeny.”

Within a blink, you’re back again in the middle of Shinjuku. December 24th, 7:06 pm.

It’s the same as always. People bustle around you. Children’s laughter. Everything always repeats itself, but you don’t think you can ever get sick of it. You’ll savor this peace for as long as you can.

You reach into your pocket, flicking out a lighter and the first cigarette of the box. You don’t know why you always chose this one. Despite outmaneuvering time itself, perhaps it’s within human nature to follow what’s written stone.

You’ve relived this hour so many times that you can list everything that happens. Down to the exact minute. 7:08- a little girl wearing a red dress walks by. 7:09- a lady with short hair catches your eyes and smiles. 7:14-an old man and woman bicker with each other as they pass you by. 7:21- A little dog sniffs the bench you sit on. 7:34- Two schoolchildren run past you, babbling. 7:45- five construction workers grumble out their grievances. 7:58- a businessman talks loudly on the phone.

You wait. You sit on a bench and wait until 8:06.

Five seconds after 8:06. Twenty seconds after 8:06.

The clock clicks to 8:07.

You were expecting to feel something else. Celebration. Elation. You half-expected to cause a scene and jump for joy right there in the streets of Shinjuku.

None of that comes. There’s just a feeling of relief. A weight presses you down, and you slump in your seat.

It was over.

It was finally over.

How long do you stay like that? Hours? Days? When you feel like you can finally breathe again, it’s only 8:12. Time travel warped your sense of time.

You stand up, stretch, feel your bones crack and pop. In the second timeline, you wanted to get a drink to drown your misery of nearly getting killed by a curse and being alone on December 24th. It felt like a lifetime ago when being single was the worst of your problems.

Honestly, you’d stay celibate for the rest of your life if it meant you wouldn’t have to go through that ever again.

Tomorrow, you’ll decompress and devolve into hysteria over what happened.

Next week, you’ll check yourself into therapy.

Today, you decide to go home and sleep for a couple hundred years.

You must look like a zombie with the way you wobble down the street. Physically, your body is perfectly fine. You’ve suffered no bruises or cuts. Even the numerous times you’ve been killed leaves nothing on your skin.

Mentally, you’re in shambles. The indomitable human spirit within you is snuffed out.

The stairs to your flat is your last enemy that you must vanquish before you can reunite with your adoring bed. You cling onto the railing with dazed eyes. You don’t see the curse until you’re right before it.

Distantly, you wonder how often you’ve passed a curse and didn’t even realize it. It’s almost instinct to reach out with your hand, intent on absorbing it.

Nothing happens. You remember you aren’t Suguru anymore.

It’s a grotesque-looking thing. No eyes, too many hands, a gaping mouth. It turns and looks at you.

Strange. Its’ smile mirrors the one in the abandoned house.

Adrenaline. You feel it coarse through your veins, meld into your bones, explode in your skin. You’re stumbling back, nearly tripping down the steps in your haste to get away.

It screeches. Loud and clear and angry and you can almost feel its teeth chomp on your leg, ripping your muscles and skin to mere tatters.

You’ve died before. You’ve been skinned alive before. You’ve been eaten before. Yet, it all amounts to nothing compared to the fear you feel at the thought of the curse catching you.

It can’t have been nothing more than a third grade. If you were taller, larger, special-grade, you could have killed it immediately. But you weren’t, not anymore, you were at the same level as a plant. Useless. Helpless.

A dead man stumbling, tripping, running.

The streets were quiet. You supposed that meant there’d be fewer casualties. But it didn’t make you feel any better. And even if there were people around, no one would have been able to help you.

Your brain isn’t working as clearly. Fear is the only thing that guides you. You’re reduced to a rat scampering through a maze. Sooner or later, that rodent reaches a dead end.

The alleyway was blocked off. You felt the rough brick wall scrape your hands and even the feeling of your raw skin couldn’t assuage your heart pumping in your throat. When you whirled your head back, it was right there, and you knew you were dead.

Again.

It might kill you, if it’s feeling generous. It might cut your legs off and watch you bleed, if its feeling kind. It might eat you, if it’s a decent curse.

It shouldn’t be happening. You fixed it. You were supposed to have fixed everything. But clearly you didn't. There must have been some piece of the puzzle that you forgot. You need to go back. You need to fix things, but why do you need to why can't he just leave you alone—

You don’t see what happens. One moment, the curse is there. The next it isn’t.

“Those things are so annoying.” The newcomer complains.

No, not new. You know him.

You blink. He grins. It’s kind. A toothy smile that warms.

“You alright?” He asks in sympathy. “Curses are pretty scary, aren’t they? Are you hurt?”

It’s him. You weren’t in 2006. You were in the present, here and now, and he was here with you.

He actually made it.

“Ma’am?” He asks.

It wasn’t intentional. You just blurted it out, the promise you made to him. It was a decade for him. Mere hours for you.

“Um, broccoli head...?” And then you instantly regret it.

Haibara Yu takes a minute, eyes squinting like you just grew a new head.

Then, he gasps.

“Greeny?”

ⴵ

A few minutes later, you’re seated at a restaurant. Haibara has not shut up.

“—I—I can’t believe it? It’s actually you! I thought I’d never see you again ‘cuz Gojo said you weren’t gonna be around anymore, and—and then suddenly you pop up outta’ nowhere—not that I’m complaining— but—”

“—Haibara.” You interrupt. “Please, slow down.”

He stops himself, right when the server comes with drinks. He shoots the waiter a smile, and then he’s back on you.

“Sorry.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I—I got a little excited. And nervous. It’s just...well, I didn’t expect you to be a girl.”

That might have been your fault. Both Haibara and Gojo kept referring to you as a man, so you decided to roll with it. Earlier, you would have justified it by insisting the less they know about you, the better. Now, you just think you were being petty.

“So, how you’ve been? A whole decade...” You murmur to yourself.

“Fine! But what about you?” Haibara asks, concern etched into his eyes. “Where’d you go?”

Wow, he was actually worried for you. Despite being in Suguru’s body, you didn’t really feel like part of the group Shoko, Gojo, Nanami, and Haibara were part of. You felt like an outsider, being somewhere you didn’t belong. It's because you were an outsider. Nevertheless, it’s nice to know one person missed you.

“This might be a little hard to believe, but I just came back to 2017 two hours ago.”

Haibara gapes.

“Wait, so to you, that whole thing happened, today?” You nod. He leans back in his chair.

“Holy fuck.” You laugh at his awe.

“Thanks for saving me, by the way.” You change the topic. “From the curse.”

He waves it off. “I was just paying my debt. From what you did for me all those years ago.”

Ah, Gojo must have told him. Oddly enough, Haibara doesn't seem all that perturbed that he shouldn’t exist currently. At the same time, it feels just like Haibara.

He’s different from when he was younger. Taller. The baby fat is gone. His face is more built, just like the rest of his body. His eyes are less round, but they haven’t lost the spark. A few scars here and there, but he’s all in one piece.

You weren’t able to see what he looked like as an adult from Suguru’s memories, he’d never grown up. But now, you can see it for yourself. You can see the active change you made in his life, to his life.

“Haibara—”

“Yu—” He says seriously. “My friends call me Yu.”

A smile twitches on your lips.

“Tell me about everyone.” You scoot your chair closer. “You, Suguru. How is everyone doing?”

He perks up at that, clearly delighted to be talking.

“Great! Everyone’s doing great! You should totally come visit the school, sometime. They’d love to see you. Uh, even if they don’t technically know you, but I’m sure they’ll love to meet you!” He rambles, and it’s nice to know he hasn’t changed from his younger self.

“Let’s see, Kento’s teaching the first years. I teach the second years—”

“—You’re a teacher?”

He nods. “We all are! Except for Shoko, but she has her own thing going on. Anyway, Mimiko and Nanako have become second-grade semi-sorcerors. Isn’t that incredible? I’m just a first grade semi-sorceror, and at their young ages too! But Suguru wasn’t surprised, he kept saying his girls were prodigies. Oh! You probably want to know about Suguru too, right?”

You nod. Even if you hadn’t done anything, you don’t think that would have stopped his enthusiasm.

“He’s a teacher too! At least, for right now. Yaga’s been wanting to retire, and there have been talks of Suguru becoming the next principal. Principal Geto has a ring to it, right? Oh, and Shoko is currently planning the wedding. You’ll definitely be invited, of course! She said I could bring a plus-one. Oh, and—”

It goes on like that for hours, you think. Not that you mind. You listen to Yu babble on and on about his friends, his students. He talks about Nanami’s recent baking addiction, Shoko’s new office cat, Suguru’s favorite tea pot. It’s a never-ending surge of information.

Eventually, you catch on to the fact that he’s deliberately leaving someone out.

"Yu?" You interrupt him while he's talking about the prank the fourth year pulled on Nanami. "What about Satoru? What's he up to?" 

Maybe you were overthinking things. Haibara likes to talk; perhaps he forgot to exclude someone else's story in his rants. But then, he grimaces. For the first time in this entire conversation, Haibara is reluctant to talk. 

"Satoru is..." He winces, and your hands turn into fists. 

No. No. You were supposed to save everyone. Why hadn't you saved everyone? 

A warm hand grips your own. You'd been shaking. 

Yu gives a soft smile, and you remember he's no longer younger than you. 

"He's not dead." He assures you, but his smile fades. He straightens himself up, and his hand pulls away. 

"Satoru defected from Jujutsu tech. We don't know where he is." 

What? You must have misheard him wrong. Satoru wouldn't do that. That's not like him. This is some sick joke.

But there's no teasing grin on Haibara. His face is grave. You hate it more than anything. 

"It happened when he was a fourth year. No one really knows what happened. Suguru refuses to say anything about it, but I think he's just as confused as the rest of us. It came outta nowhere." 

Yeah, it definitely came out of nowhere. It's so random. Why would Satoru do that? The last time you saw him, he was so happy. He was smiling; he teased you. What happened? It made no sense. 

"So, you haven't seen him for nine years?" You ask. "Not even a glimpse?" 

Yu shakes his head. "Nothing but his residuals. That's how we know he's still alive." 

Nothing computes in your brain. None of it made any sense. You saved Suguru. That was supposed to make everyone happy, including Satoru. Why would he turn around and do this? Defecting made no sense.

"We've actually been tasked to execute him. Since he’s been branded a curse user, all four of us. " Yu laughs with no humor. "Isn't that insane? I don't think any one of us could even fathom doing that, even if it were possible." 

It wasn't possible. Gojo was the strongest. Nothing could go toe to toe with him. Once he put his mind to something, no one could stop him.

But maybe you could. 

You're shutting that idea down immediately. You were done. You were done with dying and time-travel and strange powers. You wanted it all to be over. It'd be so easy to thank Haibara for the nice meal, to go home and sleep this entire day off. Satoru dug his own grave, he can go lay in it. You weren't responsible for someone else's actions. You wouldn’t. You can’t do that another time.

You're the kind of person who'll jump in front of a truck to save a kitten, right?

You hate that brat so much. 

You close your eyes. Take in a breath. Then, you open them. 

"Haibara?" You ask. "Did Gojo tell you how my technique worked?" 

He shakes his head. You grimace because convincing him might take a while.

"Okay, well, I'll need you to do a tiny favor for me."

ⴵ

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Oh, you're back already?" Satoru says casually, turning back to gaze at you. "I just left today. How did you convince Haibara to snap your neck? That guy cries after killing a mosquito.”

You’d caught him just as he was leaving campus. Yu’s body was less athletic than Suguru’s. Your breath was slightly ragged, pulled down by minor exhaustion.

It doesn’t weigh down your frustration for Gojo Satoru. The biggest pain in your ass you’ve ever met.

“Shut up.” You snap. “Just answer the question.”

“We haven’t seen each other for a year and that’s how you react?” Satoru ignores you. “That’s mean, Greeny. How ‘bout we discuss my treason over steak. Haibara can pay.”

“Satoru.” You beg, “Why are you doing this? What’s the point? Why is everyone happy with their life except for you?”

That seems to get him. His posture stiffens ever so slightly. You can see him work his jaw. He finally drops his act.

“You didn’t have to come back, y’know.” He murmurs quietly. “You could’ve just stayed in the future. Like you said, Greeny, everyone’s happy with their life. 4 outta’ five. That’s a passing grade.”

For once, you wish you could possess him. You wished you could open his brain and peer into his memories until he finally made sense.

“I could never leave you behind like that.” You say the truth just as quietly. “I’ll die a thousand more deaths than do that.”

He smiles. It looks genuine as it looks painful.

“Yeah, I know. I know you, Greeny. Always gotta’ play hero.” He gives a bitter laugh. “That’s why I defected.”

You stare at him. He’s a fourth-year now, even taller than before. You aren’t equal to him anymore in this body, now you’re starting to think you never were.

“Satoru.” You start because what he’s saying can’t be the truth. Your heart broke and broke. “Did—did you leave—did you leave everyone for a decade just so I’d come back? Why would you do that to yourself?”

He doesn’t say anything. Then, he steps forward, just a bit.

“It’s your fault,” Satoru says like it’s instinct to blame you for his actions, “this was your idea.”

What’s he talking about? And then memories of the two of you sitting on that bench just outside of campus.

What would you do if...there’s something you really want, but no matter how fast you run, you just can’t catch up to it? So that’s what he meant. You were an idiot.

“That’s not fair, Satoru,” you say regardless, “I—I never—I couldn’t expect you’d do this.”

“What choice did I fucking have, Greeny?” There’s rapid steps and he’s in front of you, desperate and wild. “You—you just left me here. You left me alone and I couldn’t even look for you because I know nothing about you. Your face, your eyes, your hair, not even your fucking name! How’s that fair?”

It’s true. It’s all true. As much as you tried to claim you tried to make everyone happy, you only focused on Suguru. And Suguru’s happiness enlisted space from the strongest. In a different timeline, things would be different between them. A button he never left behind. Words Satoru never said. That timeline held too much pain and suffering, so you scrubbed it from history. In this rendition, everything was changed. Suguru had Shoko. Yu had Kento. Who did Satoru have?

You saved Suguru in this timeline. But to save him, you neglected Satoru.

Satoru must have known. He must have known you intentionally distanced Suguru from him, but he allowed it anyway. Satoru’s selfless like that. Too giving. Too Godlike.

But he’s selfish too. Purposefully demeaning himself so he could get one more glimpse of you, uncaring if you went through hell for his sake. Too taking. Too human.

Once, you told him that if he was selfish, just once, you wouldn’t fault him. What a liar you are.

You forgive Satoru.

“I’m sorry.” Haibara’s voice is like your own. You step closer. His infinity lets you in. “I’m sorry Satoru. I didn’t mean to leave you alone.”

It’s hard to wrap him in a hug. The brat’s too big. He sinks into your touch like a tiger, filled with dangerous claws, retracted just for your sake. He shakes the tiniest bit; even now, he’s keeping himself as a pinnacle. If you hear a sniffle or two, you don’t comment on it.

It’s why your heart breaks to tell him the truth.

“I can’t give you my name.” You whisper in his ear. He pulls back. He doesn’t look at you.

“Yeah, I know. I know. time-travel bullshit—”

“For now.” You add. “I can’t do that for now.”

Three pairs of eyes look at you. You’re not hiding behind Haibara anymore. You’re not trying to.

“December 24th, 2017. 8:06. Tokyo Skytree.” You look at him. “Can you wait until then?”

For you, it’d only be an hour. For Satoru, it’d be a decade.

You expect him to reject it, to yell at you. You decide if he wants to be selfish; you’d let him.

“If you don’t show up, I’ll turn evil.” You laugh. His grin widens and he’s back again. “I’m serious. I’ll take over the world. I’ll throw the biggest temper tantrum ever.”

“You’re such a brat.” There’s no hostility in your tone. “I will. I promise.”

‘I’ll save you,’ You promise in your head because he’s too prideful to hear it.

“Is it still possible for you to go back?” You ask, the wariness present again. “The higher ups haven’t taken any action against you, right?”

He shakes his head.

“I think Yaga might yell at me, but other than that.” He shrugs. “They’ll decide it’s teen rebellion and sweep it under the rug.”

You laugh again. Satoru shoots you a toothy grin.

When you reach out a hand, Satoru mirrors you. He clasps your hand in his. For once, you wonder how they’ll feel on your own.

“See ya’ later, Greeny.”

A blink. Satoru’s gone. Your hand is empty, and you’re standing in the streets of Shinjuku once again.

ⴵ

December 24th, 2017. 8:06, at the top of the Tokyo Skytree.

Why did you decide on that date and time for all the places? You were so fucking stupid. You needed to stop being so poetic.

It’s already 7:12 when you’re desperately waving down a taxi. The driver looks disinterested when you blubber out the location. When he tells you it’ll cost extra because Sumida City isn’t part of his route, you’re more than happy to fork over the money.

It’s already 7:35 when you stumble through the interiors of Tokyo Skytree town. It’s crowded. Fuck, it’s December 24th, of course people would be out and about.

At 7:44, you finally reach the observational building. And then you hit upon a snag.

It’s closed.

Renovations, the sign reads, accompanied by an irritatingly cute drawing of a cat, please come visit us next week.

Would this excuse be enough to satisfy Satoru? You’re only human. Surely he’d understand if you couldn’t make it because the entire building was shut down.

Or wait. Was this Satoru’s doing?

You look up at the tower. Lights were still on and flickering. No crowds. No people. No prying eyes.

Let it be known that you’ve never trespassed before, until you met Gojo Satoru.

With a guilty conscious, you step over the line. You justify it by convincing yourself you were saving the world because you know Satoru wasn’t joking a decade ago.

The elevators still worked. Thank God. Yet another hint he’s paving the way for you. You made the location, but it feels like you’re a mouse stuck in a human-designed maze. Even though you set up the game, he’s still managed to rig it.

You land on the first deck at 7:52. At 7:56, you reach the second observational deck.

It’s empty. You’ve never seen the skytree so empty before. Not a single soul is here except for you. Your footsteps echo across the floor. Were you early?

Out the corner of your eye, there’s a post-it note stuck on the window. A hand-drawn arrow. Up ahead, there’s another one.

You follow the next, and then the next. All the time you don’t know how to feel about him doing all of this just for an encounter. Something bubbles in your stomach. You’re pushing it down.

You follow the post-its until there’s one placed right on top of a door.

Authorized personnel only. Why does this brat continue to test you?

But it’s already 8:03; you’re far too deep to complain.

A service elevator greets you. If you press the button, it’ll take you all the way up to the broadcast equipment, the top of the Tokyo Skytree.

It’s different from the past two elevator rides. The service elevator isn’t all that polished. The wheels squeak a little too dangerously at times. It’s slower, too.

That’s bad, because now you’re starting to think.

That familiar feeling boils within your stomach, again. You’re anxious. It’s strange to say, but meeting Satoru through Suguru, meeting Satoru through Yu, it felt like you had a protective shell around yourself. You were free from his judgement, only invoking curiosity.

If you show yourself to him, how would he react? What would he say? Would he get angry that you made him wait a decade for such a blunder? Even worse, what if he doesn’t get angry?

What if—what if he’s disappointed by you?

Cold feet. It freezes your toes. You want to go back. You want the elevator to go back down, you want to go home and hide away.

But you promised Satoru. He deserves answers.

Pathetic answers are better than no answers at all.

Instead of your soul being protected by a sorcerer's body, it’s protected by your own. You’d steel yourself for whatever comes next. You could melt after.

It’s windy up here. That’s the first thing you notice. Icy wind cuts at your face and your eyes squint so they don’t dry out so quickly. It’s colder, too; your jacket is nice protection, but nothing helps your vulnerable hands.

But the view. Oh, what a view.

The sea of twinkling lights shines from the city. The sun has set, leaving Tokyo to do nothing but shine. She’s gorgeous like she’s picked the stars from the sky, burying them within her own soul. You could stay there forever, if she let you.

It’s 8:09. Satoru was late.

Or maybe he just wasn’t planning to show up.

You lean away from the railing. It’s just like him to make huge gestures and at the last moment, ditch everything. The balloon in your lungs deflates ever so slightly.

And then, you can feel hands.

Around your shoulders, caging you in. Large and warm despite the icy air. You know these hands. They’re familiar, even a decade later. His chest presses up against your back. His face settles in the crook of your neck.

His laugh tickles your ear, and you aren’t so cold anymore.

“Caught ya, Greeny.”

(“Did something happen to you, back there in the house?”

"Hm?" Suguru asked.

They were wading through long grass and overgrown weeds. Satoru glances at his friend. Suguru looks fine. His cursed energy has gone back to normal. That's probably good.

"You were just acting weird," Satoru said, "I mean you fell on your ass in front of a curse. Embarrassing."

Suguru huffed, a red hue across his cheeks. "Shut up, don't remind me."

'So he remembered,' Satoru thinks, 'didn't expect that.'

They're almost to the car when Suguru speaks again.

"Actually, I did feel a little strange," he says, "I felt like I wasn't really all there. There was this voice, guiding me along."

"Really?" Satoru shivers. "That sounds creepy."

So the entity within Suguru was a bad thing after all. He should try to get rid of it if it ever comes back. It might take a complex spell or something-

"Not really." Suguru said. "It's hard to explain, but it felt....nice."

"Nice?" Satoru echoes.

"Yeah."

And then it's quiet again.)

Part two: Rewound Infinitely

[upsidedowneye]

Smau: "Don't worry, you're safe." 💚

- the jjk guys coming to your rescue when you text them that you're being followed 💚

(nanami, choso, toji, sukuna, shiu, gojo, and geto)

contains: mentions of violence, comfort, some crack

a/n: two in one day! had to make up for the fact that i've been slacking lately. 😭

[upsidedowneye]

how about Jason with the prompt "text me when you get home"? the one time they forget/fall asleep before sending the text and Jay loses hid mind. rushes over expecting them to be dead but they passed out on the couch as soon as they got home

really superbly SCRUMPTIOUS prompt Aud. I love protective jaybird 🥰‼️ thanks for sending something in 🫶

jason todd x gn!reader. worried protective snuggly jason. no warnings really, ya boy is just paranoid and madly in love with you 💓

request something! I rb all fics to @sanguinelibrary

****

As soon as you get out of your last class of the day, your phone rings.

You answer it, wedging the phone between your ear and shoulder as you fish in your bag for a couple of bills. You're already walking to the train station.

"Hi, snookie bear," you say into the phone, slightly delirious with hunger and sleep deprivation.

Jason snorts on the other end. "That's a new one. Hey, baby. Y'heading home?"

"Indeed I am."

"Need a ride?"

You wait and listen. Eventually, you hear the sounds of hitting and grunting in the background. You roll your eyes—only Jason would be in the middle of a fight and then ask if you need a ride home.

"No, I'm okay. It's not dark yet. Plus you sound busy."

"I'm never too busy for you," he says immediately. "And it's gonna get dark in an hour. Are you sure—"

"Yes, Jay," you say gently. "I'm sure. Don't worry about me. I'm going straight home."

You're already at the station. There's a good amount of people, students and workers alike. The university is in a relatively okay part of town, especially during the day. You're not worried. It's not like you traipse through Crime Alley on your downtime.

"Okay." Jason takes a deep breath. "Just—just be careful. Text me when you get home."

You note the hint of worry in his tone. Maybe this week has been particularly saturated with crime. Jason tends to get a little overbearing about your safety when he's had a tough week. You know he had go down to Blüdhaven and help his brother—with what specifically, you don't know.

Most of the time, you're sure you don't want to know.

"I always do," you say. The train pulls up to the station. "Ooh, train's here! I'll talk to you later. I'm thinking of ordering takeout. Too tired to cook."

"Okay, sweetheart. Be safe. Love you. Lock your door."

You roll your eyes fondly. "Yes, Jay. Love you too. Bye."

You hang up as you step onto the train. You pull your headphones out of your bag and shut your brain off during the ride. By the time you get off the train, you've lost hope that you'll be doing any work tonight. You're absolutely wiped out after three back-to-back classes.

It's still light when you get home. You lock the door after you get in, the habit ingrained into you, and dump your bag onto the couch.

Takeout is a no-go. You're hungry now and about thirty seconds away from passing out on the couch.

You change into your home clothes, eat a granola bar, and call it a day. You'll eat more later.

You turn off your phone to bar any annoying notifications and fall into bed, eyes closing immediately.

****

The sound of your deadbolt being teared off its chain wakes you up. You flinch and jump awake, trying to blink through sleep. Your mouth is dry from how hard you slept, and your eyesight is slightly blurry from the sudden flood of moisture.

Your bedroom door swings open, and suddenly you're pulled into warm, heavily muscled arms. You hug back on instinct; you'd know the feel of your boyfriend anywhere.

"Jay, h—"

"You didn't text," he says, voice shaking. "You said you would. I was—I thought you were—"

You tense, guilt knocking into you.

"Shit. Jason, I'm so sorry. I meant to, I was just so tired..."

Jason pulls back to look at you, hands still on your shoulders. His expression is stern.

"I'm gonna pick you up from now on. When are your late days?"

"Jay, no, GCU is across town. You can't possibly pick me up three days a week. That's too much! What about patrol?"

"Somebody else is out at this time," he says stonily. "Crime Alley can wait an hour while I get you home."

His eyes blaze green, a side effect of the Pit. You can tell he's putting every effort into keeping a lid on the worry and fear and anger over your silence.

"Jason." You cup his face. "Honey, I'm safe. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I'm sorry I worried you. But your adrenaline is spiked right now, Jay. Everything feels magnified. I don't need to be picked up. I was perfectly safe coming home. Okay?"

He shakes his head, holding your wrists. "Anything could've happened. I was so—fuck, baby, I was so scared. I-I checked the station footage and the traffic cams, and I didn't see you after you cut through the park, and I thought—I was sure you'd—"

Jason pulls your arms around his neck and buries his face into your shoulder. He supports you by the backs of your thighs, tugging you into his lap. Then he clings tight.

"Oh, Jay," you murmur, petting his curls. "I'm alright. This end of Gotham isn't so bad. And I know you'd have found me even if something had happened. But nothing did."

"Can't lose you," he chokes out.

"You won't lose me, honey," you say. "You keep me safe."

He trembles in your embrace. You kiss the shell of his ear and continue to pet his hair.

"Let me pick you up tomorrow, at least," he pleads. "We'll get dumplings at that place you like. You barely ate anything when you came home."

"Okay, Jay," you say, because you know he needs that reassurance. He won't relax without it. "That sounds good."

You keep stroking his hair. "Y'wanna order in now?"

"In a minute."

Jason lays you both down on the bed. He throws a leg over yours and pulls you into his chest. It's now that you see just how much tension is locked in his shoulders. He's exhausted.

"Jus' wanna hold you for a bit," he says, lips resting on your shoulder.

He's drowsy, the adrenaline finally ebbing. You close your eyes and snuggle into his arms.

"You can hold me for as long as you want," you say, threading your fingers with his. "I'm not going anywhere."