#hero x villain

[save-the-villainous-cat]

“I’ll admit,” the villain whispered, their hand slowly sliding along the hero’s leg - from their knee to their thigh to be precise - “I’m a bit rusty.”

“You?” the hero asked.

“We haven’t seen each other in six months,” the villain said. “That’s enough time to rust.”

“I thought you would have gotten your fun elsewhere.”

“Well, I didn’t.” Softly, the villain pressed a kiss to the hero’s throat and the hero (stupidly so) forgot their responsibilities very quickly again.

The hero didn’t consider themselves particularly greedy in bed. They took what partners threw at them and usually, that was enough. With the villain, it felt different. They felt more confident, they felt terribly secure. The hero wasn’t a passive party anymore.

“Six months are enough to move on,” the hero whispered.

Their stomach dropped when they realised that the villain was giving them a hickey. Instinctively, the hero grabbed their enemy’s clothes but only got a hold of one of the bullet proof vest’s straps. Though the hero tried to pull them closer, the villain didn’t move until they were done on the hero’s throat.

With a wet sound, they parted.

“You’ll understand how desperate I am right now, then.”

“Is it smart to continue this?” the hero asked. Six months. Six. Often, their thoughts would circle around the villain. As if they were an addict.

“…do you want to continue this?”

“Well, yes…”

“Then what’s the problem?” Again, they leaned in and this time, they left a trail of kisses on the hero’s neck.

Within milliseconds, shivers ran down the hero’s spine and their brain fried. Their heart was loud enough for both to hear.

“I don’t know…maybe something changed, maybe you changed.” The villain looked at them, their usually focused and serious eyes suddenly soft.

“Love, what are you talking about?”

“Maybe there is someone else you…” The hero took in a deep breath. Six months were a long, long time and if the villain had found someone else during that time…someone who was simply more fitting, the hero didn’t want to stand between them. The villain was charismatic, chatty, nice when they had to be. Surely there had been someone who had shown interest while the villain was in hiding.

“You’re aware I am extremely picky when it comes to my partner.”

“Yes, I know. But—”

“And stupidly loyal.”

The hero didn’t know what to say to that. They knew what loyalty meant to the villain. It wasn’t a term they used carelessly.

“Don’t worry,” the villain murmured. They pressed an innocent kiss to the hero’s lips and continued with another one that was a little more daring.

The hero had almost forgotten what it felt like to be kissed. What it felt like to have the villain’s tongue in their mouth.

Even as the villain pulled away, the hero couldn’t form a single coherent thought.

“You’re my nemesis,” the villain reminded them. Two of their fingers traced an invisible path down the hero’s chest. “You’re irreplaceable.”

The villain was methodical. They were gentle. Their hand stopped on the hero’s lower stomach.

“And now, be a darling and spread your legs. I’ve been craving the sounds you make for half a year.”

[autocrats-in-love]

Prompt (410)

"Oh kidnap my therapist, why don't you?" the hero said, unamused. "You're not nearly as funny as you think you are."

The villain stared at them in confusion. "Uh. . .this is my therapist."

The tied up therapist--who, in fact, saw both the hero and the villain--breathed a sighed of relief. Keeping this secret was more than they had signed up for.

[just-a-space-rabbit]

Find your villainous rival! Tag game

I made my first quiz, so here is a little tag game. Take the quiz and share the results then tag someone else!

also, super thank you to @thepenultimateword for helping me with some questions and stuff 😊✨

tagging (no pressure✨): @heroes-villains-side-blog, @hufflepuffwritingstuff2, @puddleslimewrites, @tratieisdabest, @rainy-knights-of-villany

[gingerly-writing]

Prompt #3504

“How about a little midnight snack?”

Hero jumped half a foot in the air before they caught themself. “Jesus, Villain! Don’t do that to me! Especially not in my kitchen in the middle of the night!”

Villain laughed, silhouetted by the light of the open fridge. They looked like modern art, like a broad-brush painting in a museum, all sweeping cape and rectangular halo. “How else am I supposed to see that stunning little ‘o’ face?”

[liberandi-causa]

Broken

"You've robbed out of your childhood. Forced to mature quickly, all while barely knowing the love and the warmth of those who raised you. You tried, and tried, to be even to my level, to be the Saviour that everyone dreams of."

Hero snorts, casting their eyes away from Villain's scrutinising gaze.

"Oh, how they've invested in you — assembled and reassembled your anatomy, kept you hidden most of the time like their precious arsenal," Villain continues, "only for you to lose."

"Shut up." Their tone was heavy, laced with threat, but Hero still refused to look directly at the sharp, merciless pair of dark garnet eyes.

Villain raises Hero's chin, growing impatient with the continued defiance, "You've already lost. Why do you still need to play the hero?"

Instead, a single tear ran down their cheek. Hearing it escaping for the first time from someone they loathed possessed an effect they never thought to hurt this much.

They failed, they lost, and they must've disappointed so many who once believed them.

"Ah, there it is," Villain coos, grinning at the march of tears that followed, "my broken piece. My beautiful, beautiful broken piece. Now, all mine forevermore."

[pendarling]

It's A Journal

Villain's fingers pressed slowly against the pages, completely engrossed by the lines of words strung together by Hero.

Across from them, Villain could hear the subtle movements of Hero tied to the chair. "Mmmhfh! Mmmfh!!" They pushed hopelessly against the ropes as Villain flipped to the next page of the small journal.

"You have a creative mind, Hero." They mused calmly as they finished reading the passage, "I should've known that you were the type to keep a diary." They chuckled as Hero glared at them. "Oh, right, a journal, a journal. Whatever you say."

They stood up and walked behind Hero before undoing the wrap around their mouth. Hero spat the taste of the cloth as Villain walked back in front of them again, "Breaking into my house while I'm off duty?? Have you lost your mind?!"

"Bah." They waved them off playfully, still unaware of the gripping matters swirling in Hero's head.

"Put my shit down. Now!"

Villain sat on the dining room table, "Not until I find something interesting."

"You've read enough! You know my fears! You know the name of my middle school! Now put it down!"

"You're right. I do know those things, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed, Hero." They cruised through the pages. Hero's eyes kept steady at their hands as they tried to count each page. "You keep talking about rather mundane topics."

"Stop it." They said with a bit of hesitance behind their eyes.

"Why? I'm having so much fun."

"You read more, and you'll find something you won't like."

At that, Villain had paused, suddenly caught off guard by the tone. "What won't I like?" They looked at them and shut the book with a curious expression.

Hero didn't respond and instead continued to settle in their silence.

"Did you write anything about me?" Villain raised a brow. "Darling?" They softly whispered.

"And what if I did?"

They stared at each other for a moment; Villain laughed subtly, "You think I'm falling for your bluff? I bet I know exactly what you wrote about." They put the book down on the table, much to the hero's relief.

"It's not a bluff." Hero said with wide eyes, their hands struggling from the restraints.

Their nemesis walked up to them pointedly. Villain's smirk widened as they tilted Hero's head up, pushing their cheeks in with their hand, "When has the good little Hero ever lied before?"

Hero shook their head in an attempt to escape their grasp with little achievement. "I have!"

"We'll see about that." They shook their head playfully and moved back toward the book. Villain analyzed Hero's fearful eyes as they brushed through the pages until something had caught their eye.

In large letters, Villain came across their name centred on the page.

"A whole chapter? Dedicated to me?" They turned the book in Hero's direction with a large smile.

Hero felt their face heat up as their jaw tightened, and they looked down, "It's not what it is." They mumbled desperately, but it wouldn't stop Villain from enjoying the detailed lines of words throughout the passage.

"Today, I met Villain again," they began.

"Please don't read it out loud!" Hero spoke, their face turning beet red.

"Why not? You already know what you wrote. Too scared you might've made a heartfelt confession in here?~" They laughed.

"It's not funny!"

"Who said it was?" They mused, but Villain had listened to their demand anyway and went ahead reading quietly to themselves. Their once playful expression had turned softer as their eyes moved around the page with careful consideration. A silence so defeating had come to Hero with their heart pounding in their chest, but their only focus was getting out of the chair.

Only a minute had passed until Villain had settled the book back down again. "You've amused me enough, Hero." They said. "I see you were very particular about what you wanted to write."

Hero could only wither in shame under the scrutinizing gaze of their enemy, fully aware of the specifics of their life inside and out.

"Please don't."

"Don't what?" They pouted, "You wrote about how excited you get when you see me. How our fights give you a thrill you've never experienced before."

Hero's face deepened in colour, denying the remarks about their encounters. "Shut up."

The comment didn't hold any weight to the criminal who tapped on the table thoughtfully. "I can't say I wasn't surprised that you even wrote about that time I pinned you up against that wall." Their shoes clicked forward and circled them. "What was it again?" They spoke lowly, "I wish they had held me just like that even longer. Isn't that what you said?"

"Oh God."

"My favourite part is the way you described me. You like it when my hands hold you like this?" Their fingers traced Hero's neck and held it firmly, but not enough to choke the air out of them.

"Okay, you win. Is that what you wanted?" They would bury their own head if they could, but Hero was left to become a spectacle by Villain who seemed to revel in their newfound power.

Villain leaned in, their lips brushing up against their ear. "We were just getting to the good part, Hero. You don't really hate me, remember?"

"I'm not supposed to—"Their breath caught in their throat when they felt Villain's hand crawl down to their thigh delicately.

"Isn't that what makes this fun?" They pulled back, their eyes full of excitement. "Breaking those rules. For your own selfish desires?"

Hero had to keep their eyes focused on Villain instead of the way their hand loosely dipped into their inner thigh as they struggled to let out a sound from their lips. "I don't know."

"Well, wouldn't you like to find out?"

"It's better if I don't."

"Shouldn't a brave little hero like you be able to explore the unknown?" For a second Hero had caught a glimpse of their enemy's eyes flash down to their lips and back up again. They swallowed hard and shook their head with whatever little movement they could do with Villain's hand still around their neck.

"Tell me," They whispered, "do you still think about the day I pinned you against that wall?"

Hero licked their lips, and their breathing visibly quickened. "I can't say I can recall all the details, I'm afraid."

"Well, good thing I do."

Hero's eyes widened, "You… remember that?"

"I was running all over the place trying to catch you, but then again, you were looking to get caught anyway."

Hero thought back to the time, still so clear in their head, and the remnants of the memory slipped into their mind every so often.

Villain moved closer, their breath light on their lips as their skin prickled at the sensation. "I pushed you to that wall, and you didn't move when I pressed my weight against yours. I could feel the way your heartbeat." Their hand moved from their neck to Hero's chest, "Just like it is right now."

"I told you to stop it." They murmured, although they knew they couldn't convince Villain to do that at all.

Villain's eyes lingered on them, "You don't really want that." They drawled slowly. Villain moved behind them, and their cold, clammy hands came into contact with the leather of Villain's gloves as they gave hero a blade. Hero instinctively began wrapping the knife around the ropes and felt it cut away while Villain moved toward the window.

"Where are you going!?"

Villain slipped one leg out the other side, "Don't miss me too much; I'll come back soon."

The binds snapped behind Hero, and they raised their arm and tossed the weapon at Villain, who just barely got away. They cursed under their breath and ran to look outside to find nothing below them.

Hero locked the window tightly; this would be the last time someone would enter their home unprompted. They'd make sure of that.

They grabbed the soft journal in their hands and inspected each page closely for any damage.

"Thank goodness." They sighed in relief and turned to the very few pages Villain hadn't seen. A collection of personal fantasies they had created themselves to help nurse their growing feelings toward an enemy they weren't supposed to know. Maybe it would be better to leave their deepest secrets in their head next time.

~~~

MASTERLIST

TAG LIST: @books-are-everything, @kurai-hono-blog, @iykyunho, @marvellousdaisy, @m3rakii, @crow-with-a-typewriter, @sceirlose, @90scliche, @wondergoddess475, @miaowmelodie, @jeremy-no, @smallville1x10, @artsandstoriesandstuff, @whatwhump, @0eggdealer, @yuki-0710, @silky-worm, @theforeverdyingperson, @rainbow-nesquix, @m4iloblu3,@prophecies-bestowed-upon-ye, @jeahreading, @urmum-11, @eldritchdragonfly,

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[serickswrites]

Get Up IV

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Warnings: captivity, referenced bullet wound, amnesia, scientific experimentation, blood, knife, stabbing, wounds, mcd

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Hero," Villain said as they stared down into their nemesis' face.

Hero's pupils were blown wide with fear. Hero's mouth opened and closed as they struggled to speak.

"It is hard to talk after being dead for so long, I know. But," Villain tapped Hero's now flawless forehead, "being shot in the head will do that to you. Don't worry, I killed the minion for killing you. You're welcome. And I brought you back. You're welcome."

"I....I....I...." Hero rasped.

"Don't worry," Villain said as they wrapped their fingers around the knife on the instrument table next to them. "Only I get to kill you."

Hero screamed as Villain plunged the knife into their chest. Hero thrashed wildly as Villain pulled the knife out, blood spraying across their face. "Stop struggling, you're making this even more painful!" Villain said with wicked glee.

They stabbed Hero four more times before Hero stopped moving. Hero's chest was coated in blood. Villain stared down at their blood covered hands, knife still gripped in their fist. "Much better," Villain said as they stabbed Hero's corpse once more, burying the knife to the hilt in Hero's shoulder. "Much, much better."

Tags: @ftl-faster-than-life @wankusbonkus @lili-loves-whump @nolittlenightmare @d-cs

@daemonvatis @bisexuawolfsalt @pic-star01 @st0rmm

[hufflepuffwritingstuff2]

Grumpy Hero x Sunshine Civilian

This is an incentive request for my good friend @laffy-taffy-creations! Well done on your exam!

Teammate 1 inched into the rec room.

“Hero, hi, not to bother you or anything, but, if you have a minute, and no hurry if you don’t-“

“What?” Hero snapped.

“Heh, sorry,” Teammate 1 said, keeping their voice light, “but, there’s a bank robbery in progress and-”

Hero sprang to their feet.

“Well why didn’t you say something!?”

…

Hero and the rest of the team took down the villains pretty easily. All was going well until…

“Stop! Stop or I’ll gut them like a fish!”

Teammate 1 turned. Oh great. Villain had a civilian hostage, pinning them flush against their chest and holding a knife to their throat.

“Now hold on here,” Teammate 2 tried, “we can settle this peacefully.”

“Heck yeah we can. You’re going to let us leave with the goods and they won’t have to meet their Maker.”

“Fine, fine,” Teammate 1 said, “just put the knife down and-”

The explosion came from out of nowhere. Flames engulfed the villains’ getaway car. Hero came up from behind and gripped Villain’s wrist, squeezing until they were forced to drop the knife.

“Let. Them. Go.” They snarled.

“Letting them go, letting them go!”

Hero grabbed the civilian before they could get in any more danger.

“Take care of them while I get this one to safety,” Hero ordered their team.

Up until now, the civilian had been visibly shaking, but as Hero walked them out, they relaxed just a little bit. Hero didn’t stop until they got back to the base.

Hero opened the door and brought Civilian inside. Without warning, the civilian hugged them tightly.

“Thank you,” they said.

“Uh, sure,” Hero replied, “Mx…?”

“Civilian,” they answered, “my name is Civilian.”

“Civilian. Cool. So uh, we’ll wait for the team to get back and when they do we’ll get you home. Sound good?”

Civilian nodded.

…

“Bad news,” Teammate 1 said, “we got Henchman and Sidekick, but Villain and Other Villain got away.”

“They- they did?” Civilian gulped.

“I told you guys to take care of them!” Hero shouted.

“Yeah, well that was kind of hard considering it was two on four,” Teammate 2 countered, “so lighten up!”

Civilian started shaking again. They scooted closer to Hero on the couch.

“Hey, how about this, until they’re behind bars, you’ll stay here under our protection,” Teammate 1 said to Civilian.

“R-really?”

Teammate 1 nodded.

“We have a guest room for situations like this,” they said, “we’ll have someone go get your stuff from… where do you live?”

“[Address].”

“Okay, Teammate 2 will go and get your stuff, then you can stay here.”

…

A few days later

Hero came in with bags of groceries. Civilian perked up as soon as the door opened and ran up to them.

“Hero!”

Hero just had time to put the bags down before they were tackled in a hug.

“Hey,” Hero said, “I was only gone for like a couple hours.”

“It was a very long couple of hours,” Civilian pouted.

Cute, Hero thought.

…

Civilian hid under the blanket and clutched Hero’s side.

“You know this isn’t even the scary part, right?” Hero gestured to the TV.

“The button eyes freak me out,” Civilian squeaked.

“Ooookay that’s the last time you get to pick the movie,” Hero said.

Hero switched to a different movie. Something lighter, without button eyes or other worlds. Civilian peeked their head out from their blanket cocoon and gasped in excitement.

“I love this movie!” they said.

Teammate 1 walked by, pausing when they saw what was playing.

“I thought you were too old for kid movies?” they inquired.

“Shut up, Teammate 1!”

“Shutting up.”

Teammate 1 scurried off just as the thief in the movie began to narrate.

…

Civilian watched in awe as Hero practically decimated the punching bag. Hero wiped the sweat from their brow with a towel, then chugged an entire bottle of water. They sat down on the bench next to Civilian.

“You don’t have to watch me train…”

“But then I wouldn’t get to see these in action!”

Civilian traced their finger along Hero’s bicep. Hero felt heat rise to their cheeks.

…

Civilian snored softly, their head in Hero’s lap. Teammate 2 came in the living room, opening their mouth to ask a question. Hero dragged their finger across their neck slowly, then brought another finger to their lips, glaring daggers at Teammate 2. They seemed to get the message.

…

Whether Hero wanted to admit it or not, Civilian was the best thing that had happened to them in years. And if they wanted to watch kids’ movies, take naps in their lap, watch them train, and greet them when they came home, Hero wasn’t going to object.

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@mythixmagic @infinityshadows @fishtale88 @thelazywitchphotographer @the-beasts-have-arrived @princessofonwardsworld @surplus-of-sarcasm @memepsychowhowantsuperpower-blog

@electrons2006

[raineandsky]

#128

“How’d that thing at the weekend go?”

The hero laughs with visible discomfort. “Ah, pretty good. Wasn’t too bad.”

The other hero turns to look at him incredulously. “Wasn’t too bad? I thought your kids had some big parts in that play or something.”

“Oh, yeah, they did. You know how kids are, though. Acting clearly doesn’t run in the family.”

The last the other hero had heard, the hero was ecstatic to be going to this play. Now, he’s folding his clothes and shoving them into his locker like the weekend wasn’t anything special.

“You feeling alright?” the other hero asks shortly.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know.” The other hero leans against their locker as the hero fiddles with the code on his. “I was expecting you to be more… excited. Has something happened?”

“No, nothing.”

“You can tell me.”

“I don’t have anything to tell you.” The hero gives up and slams the door on his locker. It doesn’t shut. “It was a nice weekend. The kids did their play and it was as entertaining as it was a bunch of eight year olds misremembering all their lines. That’s it.”

The other hero watches him as he turns back to the bench, sifting through his bag. They consider pushing it, but they don’t get the chance before the locker room door gets flung open.

“Sorry I’m late!” calls the voice in the doorway. “Traffic’s a nightmare. Anyways, I know you’re dying to hear how the kids did—god, they’re stars. I took a video, look—”

The hero cuts himself off when he finally meets the eye of… the hero, elbow deep in his bag with his locker swinging open behind him.

“Oh,” the hero says faintly from the doorway. “You’re me.”

The other hero rounds on the hero inside the locker room. “Who are you?”

The hero—although maybe not now—stares at them like he’s shocked before nodding to the hero in the doorway. “He’s the imposter.”

“He is actually trying to tell us about his kids,” the other hero says flatly. “I’m more inclined to believe he’s real.”

The hero glances between the hero in the doorway and the other hero next to him for a long second. “Look, I didn’t think I’d have to research his weekend plans, okay?”

That’s as good as a confession to the other hero. He’s already reaching for the handcuffs in his pocket—thank god he thought to take them out. “Okay. Well, you have the right to remain—”

He’s barely started before the hero bolts, the bag thrown mercilessly to the floor. The hero—the real hero—moves after him, the other hero close behind as their fake hero throws himself into the corner. He stumbles back against the wall, trapped.

“There’s no need to run,” the other hero drawls.

“I’m not running,” the fake hero say. He smiles, his back to the tile, like this was all part of the plan. “You can’t run through walls.”

And with that he leans back, the wall swallows him, and he disappears.

“He has my powers, too!” the hero cries, pointing rather uselessly at the now empty corner. “That’s not fair!”

The hero launches after him, straight through the wall. The other hero, cursed with the power of super strength, is left to take the long way round.

By the time the other hero gets there the hero already has the imposter in a tight hold. “What an idiot,” the hero says severely. “Let’s get him into a cell, huh? Whoever he is.”

“Almost had you, didn’t I?” the imposter says with a bright laugh. The other hero doesn’t like it. “Imagine what a league of us could do. Who would you trust? Who’s real? Who’s fake?”

“Oh, shut up,” the hero snaps.

“Stay on your toes. I’m far from the only one,” the imposter continues. His eyes bore straight through the other hero when he says, “Next time, it might be you.”

[villainousauthor]

Hero stares down at the paper in front of them with mounting dread. Their stomach is all tied in knots, and they feel a cold sweat at the back of their neck.

"You know, you don't have to do this if you truly don't want, I'm not forcing you." Villain purrs behind Hero, voice against their ear. The threat is unspoken. If Hero doesn't sign, they'll continue with their rampage. Continue killing, destroying, maiming.

The pen shakes in Hero's hand as they continue staring down at the paper. It's just a piece of paper, made of thick cardstock, cream white. Yet Hero has been staring at it for fifteen minutes, as if it'll bite them.

Certificate of Marriage

The font is too pretty, all stately and official looking. Hero feels as if they may throw up any minute.

"I don't understand why.." Hero finally finds their voice, asking the question that's been bouncing around in their mind since Villain first pulled the paper out as they suggested a truce.

"You already know my terms. In exchange for leaving your hero friends unharmed, for leaving the civilians of the city unharmed, I want you." Villain's voice is something possessive, filled with fire and heat. "This just makes it more official. More binding."

Hero shudders, and they feel as Villain steps closer behind them, a dark shadow looming over them. They know this goes beyond simply wanting to make their agreement more binding and they both know it.

"You know it's not legitimate- it's not legally binding without an officator." Hero stumbles over their words, not even sure if that's true.

Villain snorts, not usually one to be worried about legality of course. They put a hand to Hero's shoulder, warm and rough.

"I can find a priest to threaten. No one needs to know how and when we signed. Unless you'd rather make a big ceremony of this." Villain's tone is now teasing, amused by the idea of a wedding. "That could certainly be done if you prefer."

Flushing hot, Hero shakes their head quickly. No, they would not prefer that. This is already nerve-wracking and humiliating as is. A part of them wants to outright refuse, to tear the paper the shreds, and throw it in their face, but Hero knows this is the chance to get Villain to back down.

"I wouldn't be unkind to you." Villain says, voice suddenly softer and more serious. They lean forward, face resting against Hero's neck. The most terrible part is that Hero knows they mean it. They wouldn't be unkind or cruel, and that makes this all the more difficult. "You'd belong to me, but I'd take care of you."

Hero already knows there's no choice. They knew from the beginning that there was no other option. They have to do what is best for everyone else. Shakily, they finally nod.

"So selfless, so sacrificial to others." Villain says as they place a feather light kiss against the shell of their ear. "We'll have to work on that once you're with me."

They take Hero's hand currently holding the pen in their own, their grasp strong, as they lift it to the paper.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Imagine a villain straight refusing to fight another member of the Hero Team just cuz his hero archnemesis is not present

"Where are they?"

"Oh, not again." The protagonist could feel a headache coming on. "Look-"

"-Are they hurt?" The villain's eyes went dark and dangerous. "Who hurt them?"

"They're fine! Oh my god."

"Then where are they?"

The protagonist definitely had a headache. "It's their day off."

"They didn't tell me they had the day off. What's wrong?"

The really concerning part was that the hero probably would tell the villain which days they were working and which they weren't. The two of them were as bad as each other! The hero was going to be unbearable when they came back and found out that the team had fought the villain without them.

"Can we just get this over with?" the protagonist tried.

"No."

The protagonist sighed. They pinched the bridge of their nose and took a few deep breaths. "Okay," they said slowly. "But you realise I'm still going to have confiscate your nightmare robot."

"It's not for you. And don't think I didn't notice you dodging the question!"

The protagonist considered their options; lies, truth, everything in between.

The villain's nightmare robot hunkered down a little more pointedly in the middle of the bridge. Several people honked their horns. It was, honestly, embarrassing for everyone involved at that point.

"Their grandma died."

"Oh no." The villain's whole face softened. "Grandma L or Grandma P?"

Of course he knew the hero's grandparents. Of course he did. "Look, about the robot-"

"-I'll reschedule," the villain said.

"I can't let you keep the robot. My boss would have my head."

"That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have flowers to send."

The protagonist's eye twitched. "If you try and walk away with it-"

"-Do you really want to traumatize this entire bridge of innocent civilians?"

"I'm sure they're traumatized having to listen to you two idiots on a weekly basis."

"I'm taking the robot. When are they back?"

"They haven't said," the protagonist said, through gritted teeth. "As you know-"

"-They'll be doing all the funeral arrangements. Yeah. You know what, give me their number. I'll text them."

"I'm not giving you their number."

"Why not?"

"It's against policy."

"I'd like to express my condolences."

The protagonist looked them dead in the face. "Mm. That sounds like a 'you' problem. I have a robot to confiscate."

The robot slammed a fist into the bridge. It wobbled precariously.

The protagonist raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. They folded their arms across their chest.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" the villain snarled.

"I hate you too, don't worry."

"I should kill you."

"They'd have so much paperwork when they got back from the funeral. It would really improve their month, you killing me."

They ended up glaring at each other.

"If I give you the bloody stupid robot, will you give me their number?"

The protagonist smiled sweetly. "That's the only smart thing I've ever heard you say."

Everyone, generally, preferred it when the hero was around.

They all made sure it didn't happen again.

[the-cypress-grove]

Insults (Fantasy Edition)

They're as useful as a wet blanket in the middle of winter

I could talk to my horse and have a better conversation

She did love her family, but she'd rather have an ocean between her and them.

He was the kind of man to stumble across rational thought quite by accident and dismiss it as absurd

'Quite frankly, I'd rather eat Hemlock.'

I know the gods do not exist, because if they did, they would've struck you down by now.

Well, you're clearly got some troll ancestry.

That's probably the wisest thing you've ever said and yet still you are wrong.

Do you just sit there all day and hope some sort of sentient through floats in your direction

She was tolerable. From a distance.

They were often wrong but never in doubt.

[autocrats-in-love]

Prompt (411)

“Wait, what are you doing at a pride parade?” the hero asked.

“Me?” the villain asked suspiciously. “What are you doing at a pride parade?”

[bebx]

love the classic damsel in distress trope, but the damsel in question is a pathetic fictional man bleeding out in the dark somewhere on the floor before his ridiculously gorgeous knight comes for his rescue just when he’s about to pass out, and the ridiculously gorgeous knight in question is actually a deranged villain who is his archenemy. but they both have these frustratingly unresolved sexual tension going on where they both hate each other but are also super possessive and protective of each other in the sense that no one else can hurt this little guy but me!!!! and so the knight carries his pathetic damsel in his arms bridal style back to his goth castle where they have hot, kinky gay sex ever after (after he nurses his pathetic enemy’s ass back to health, of course, can’t risk bruising our fragile damsel when he’s already half dead).

[thepenultimateword]

Prompt #269

Hero:

Your profile says you like stargazing. Would you wanna fly around some time? I can get us an extra good view 😉

Villain:

This is Villain.

Hero:

Dang it!! Stop being on every powered people dating app I use!

Villain:

I think the real question is how you keep matching with me on every dating app you use.

Hero:

I’m not doing it on purpose!!! I’m just not used to seeing you in civilian clothes and keep getting confused!!

And you have to match with me too you know! So I could say the same about you!! Why are you swiping up when you know it’s me?!

Villain:

Honestly? Because it’s hilarious 😆🫰

Hero:

I’m blocking you. AGAIN.

Villain:

Awww, but that stargazing date sounded fun.

[wiingdings]

cat people