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vanderwood666 · 7 years ago

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Zen’s reaction at a suicidal MC

I know this is a triggering subject for some people so if you don’t want to read it just keep scrolling. Also if you deal yourself with suicidal thoughts or need someone to talk to I as well as the RFA members and the rest are here for you. You don’t need to be alone.

Also, I wanted to make this post with everyone’s reactions but I realized it will be too long so I will post one character at the time. Again, I know this is a serious subject and that it might trigger a lot of people but please, just ignore it if you know you are easily triggered. I deal with these problems as well so I know the struggles. So if you ever need to talk I am here for you all. Of course if you want you can talk with someone from the RFA or Mint Eye. They are more than happy to help. Be safe and don’t forget to eat. RFA loves you <3

He knew about your anxiety problems but never about the fact you wanted to die. You were so good at hiding yourself...a better actor than him; this was what he said after he found out.

At first he thought it was his fault, that maybe he didn’t treat you right, like the princess you were. But this wasn’t the problem. He was a gentleman...he was the best man in the world and this is why it was so hard for you to do it.

For months you kept self-harming, trying to keep the void inside you silent, to control the pain you felt. And it worked. But only for a while. It wasn’t a long term solution. And you knew it. So you decided to end it all when Zen will go away for a week for a new movie he was playing in. It was cruel what you planned but you couldn’t take it anymore.

He noticed something changed but brushed it off quickly after you said you were tired after overworking yourself. The actor tried his best to make you relax and rest but something was still wrong. Your smile...your smile was fake and he could feel it. You thought your mask was perfect but it wasn’t.

,,Hey, babe, will you be alright while I am gone? I can call and cancel everything right now. I don’t want to leave you alone.” But before he could even had the chance to open his phone you patted him on the shoulder and warmly smiled at him. ,,It’s okay. I will be okay. Please, don’t cancel it because of me. I will feel awful. I just...I love you. I love you so much...” You kept the tears under control, and to be honest, after crying so much your eyes were probably already too dry. You blamed the redness of your eyes on working too much in front of the laptop. It was a good excuse. You felt awful lying in front of the man who loved you so much but the pain you felt in your chest was just too much. He couldn’t help...he couldn’t save you.

Zen felt something was off just by looking into your eyes; they were screaming for help, crying in the inside. What was hurting you so much? What was eating you alive? And why didn’t you told him anything?...his heart was heavy, thinking that maybe he upset you in some way.

,,Okay, then now I will go. Take care of you...and Mc? If you need something, anything, just call me and I will come back immediately. I will always be here for you, my angel.”

His words were killing you but you forced a smile and hoped your voice was not betraying you. ,,Yes...take care as well...”

The door closed behind him and you let yourself on the floor, having a breakdown. It hurt so much. ,,I am sorry, I am so sorry...” you kept repeating over and over again. After a while you calmed down to the point you could not feel a thing. You were numb. What was worse? Feeling the pain or not being able to feel anything? You didn’t knew. It was hard to say. But one thing was clear, you were done, you were tired. So you lifted up from the cold floor and went to the bathroom. There were sleeping pills for your insomnia. Two containers full of pills. You took the first container and opened it, letting all the pills fall into your hand. You stared at them for a while like you didn’t knew if to swallow them or not.

,,Oh, man...I don’t have a good feeling about this trip. Should I cancel it? But Mc said...Mc...she didn’t looked well at all. Maybe I should go back. She would never tell me what’s wrong for my own sake. What a man are you, Zen, if your girlfriend doesn’t tell you when something is wrong? No...I need to be there for her even if she doesn’t want to talk.” The albino male couldn’t ignore his bad feeling. Good that he wasn’t far away from the apartment. It was a matter of a few minutes before the apartment’s door to be opened and closed again. ,,Babe? I am sorry, I know you said you are okay but I had a bad feeling. Plus, that role was not so good after all. Me as a prince? Please, I want something more challenging not to just be myself.” That role was important for him but his girl was the most important.

Hearing the actor’s voice you dropped scared the pills on the floor. You hurried and tried to put back the pills but you weren’t fast enough.

Finding the bathroom’s door open and the fact you didn’t answer, made Hyun hurry up to see what was going on. This is when he saw you on the floor, trying to get the pills back, your eyes scared, looking so lost. ,,What...” He was without words for a moment. What were you trying to do? His eyes filled with tears immediately, his heart aching.

,,Hyun...I...” But you couldn’t find your words either. You betrayed him, his trust. You were awful, a monster who tried to abandon him like his family did...even after you promised to stay forever. You couldn’t even look into his red eyes.

He was the one who approached you. Hyun kneed beside you and after a moment of just looking at you, he put you in a tight embrace, gently stroking your hair. Tears were rolling down his pale face but it didn’t bothered him. ,,I am so sorry, Mc. I didn’t knew you were in so much pain...or if I did something to hurt you I am terribly sorry. Please, forgive me.”

This broke your heart. It wasn’t his fault. It was yours. ,,No...it’s my fault...I am the monster...” But he didn’t let you finish the sentence. He slowly started to caress your cheek and trace the contour of your face with his index finger. ,,No, you are not a monster. You are an angel. You are my sweet angel, Mc. Why would it be your fault? I never tried something...but I thought about it. And I know it’s never the fault of the person in pain. You...”

,,You don’t understand! I am not who you think I am. I am not sweet or an angel. I...am terrible. You love me so much yet here I am...thinking about ending my stupid life. I am cruel, how can’t you see it? I am most horrible person in the world for wanting to leave you...” You broke down crying. It wasn’t easy to talk about it.

Zen listened to you and for a moment there was silence. He let you have your time and calm down a bit. After you calmed down he continued caressing your hair. His voice was soft and calming but there was pain in it as well. ,,If I was the problem you would have left me, not trying to...But there is something else that it’s killing you inside, isn’t it? The pain is so great that you can’t keep going on...even if I am here supporting you. I will sound full of myself but I know you don’t want to leave me. You want to make the pain stop. But this isn’t the solution, believe me. Remember I almost died before? In that period I was still upset that my family abandoned me so I thought that if I die I won’t have any problem with it. But I was wrong. In that moment I saw the entire life in front of my eyes and I was scared. I was so scared for my life. I realized I wanted to live even if I will struggle a lot. What also opened my eyes was V. I thought that no one will care if I die but he cared...he didn’t even knew me yet he saved me. He was an angel back then and still is. He was the one that helped me see my worth and helped me love myself more. He and the rest of the members. Then...you appeared. You were the angel that took me out of the darkness and put me into the light. I might sound like I am playing a role but I am speaking from the bottom of my heart. I look happy and confident but I am not. I am scared of losing you...I am scared of not being good enough for you.”

You were silent, listening to his words. You couldn’t think straight at all.

,,I am sorry I didn’t noticed earlier.” It didn’t matter what he said, you were like a stone. He sighed. ,,It’s okay. Just nod if you are okay with me taking you into the bedroom. You will catch a cold if we continue staying here on the floor.”

It took you a few minutes to process the information but in the end you nodded and he wrapped his arms around you, carrying you into the other room.

There, he gently let you on the bed. ,,It must have been traumatic...I am sorry I wasn’t here.” He was saying sorry but you felt like you should have said those words. Yet nothing came out of your mouth.

The albino male took a sit beside you and let you rest your head on his chest. In all that time he continued caressing your hair. He didn’t said anything else after that, afraid of disturbing you. He wanted to let you have your time to recover and then you will talk again...or this is what he hoped.

,,I...don’t know what to say...I want to die. It’s not your fault. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just that I don’t want to feel that pain anymore...and I don’t want to feel numb either. I want to be normal. I am tired, Zen. I don’t even know why. I sleep...I do nothing all day long. I should feel rested but I am not. I keep having nightmares...and I don’t want to leave you. My heart breaks only when I think about this. I...I know I need help but I am afraid...what if I don’t want to be helped or what if I can’t be? I think you will be happier without me here. I am not the girl you fell in love with. That was a persona, a mask I created for everyone around me. It wasn’t the real me...I am sorry...”

,,Hey, babe, don’t say this. I won’t be happier without you. Neither the rest of the members. And I didn’t fall in love with your words. I fell in love with you...the real you. You say I don’t know you but I saw a bit from your real self. And it’s not like you think. What I saw was a sad girl who suffered too much, a brave girl who kept smiling and helping others when she was falling apart. Your smile made me and everyone else happy, but it made you hurt inside. I thought that if I wait long enough you will start trusting me more and that you will tell me what’s wrong in the end. I guess it was not about trusting me, but about trusting yourself. If you told me about it then you would have felt pressured to fell better or you would have felt like a burden. But you are not. You can always stop me if I say something wrong. I...want the best for you. If you want we can go to a therapist or you can rely on me only. But I need to know what’s going on or else I can’t really help you.” He was so worried and the thought that he almost lost you made him feel anxious and as a result he hold you tighter in his arms. Not tight enough to suffocate you but tight enough to make you feel safe and protected.

,,Will you really love me even if I show you the real me? But this doesn’t change the fact I want to disappear...I am sorry...”

,,Then I will give you a reason to stay alive. I will make you want to be alive. I won’t let my beautiful girl alone with her thoughts. If your mind tells you Go and die, no one loves you, I will tell you I love you so much and you made my life so much better.” Zen gently placed a kiss on your forehead. ,,You are the only one that can make me feel this way. You are so kind and always help others. You are hardworking and much better than me.”

You couldn’t believe this man. He was the better one...he was so kind and good with you.

Right before a tear to fall down on your cold skin, he wiped it away. ,,We can work this together, okay, babe? You are not alone in this.” He smiled at you and you lost yourself in those red eyes. They were beautiful and so sad...he really hoped you will accept his offer and stay alive. It hurt...because you lost your will to live. ,,It’s okay. Don’t answer me now, but at least promise me you will ask me for help or for a hug if you need it. I really am here for you. I don’t want to lose you.” You slowly nodded, but didn’t knew for sure what to do. The truth was you didn’t wanted to die. ,,Okay...I...I will try to tell you...but not now...now I just want to stay like this...I am so tired...” The actor smiled nodding then patting your head. It was enough. It was more than enough. ,,It’s okay, babe, rest. I will be here when you wake up. I won’t let you go. I love you.” He kept caressing your hair until your breath and body let him know you fell asleep. You looked like a sleeping doll. So beautiful yet so sad. ,,We will go through this together, babe, I promise you. I will make you smile for real one day. One day it won’t hurt so much. One day...”

#mystic messenger #mm #zen #mc #ZENxMC #suicide #trigger warning #relationship #hyun ryu #mentally ill #suicide mention

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vanderwood666 · 7 years ago

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Could you do a lil drabble of Saeyoung comforting his brother after Saeran had a nightmare? Kinda like the v/mc fic but with the twins (PLEASE DONT MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP IN IT ANYTHING OTHER THAN PLATONIC. thought i should specify just in case.) you can have it set in the past or whatever cuz its your story but i just thought it would be a sweet bonding moment to cuddle and reassure each other that they’re safe now after all that shit with mint eye went down.

Sure ^^ Also you don’t need to worry about Choicest here. I think I even wrote in one of my first posts that I won’t write about something like this or smut. So here is a safe place if you don’t like those kind of things ^^ here all you will receive it will be a brotherly love (for the twins at least). I hope you will like it ^^

Possible triggers for some people. Violence and hard language. Please keep scrolling if you are easily triggered.

,,Saeyoung, Saeyoung, come here. Look, a butterfly!”

,,Huh? Oh, I see. It’s beautiful, like you, Saeran.”,,How so? Mom says I am ugly…and the butterfly is free to fly whenever it wants…”

,,Then I will help you become one. Let’s fly away from here. You and me. We only need each other. I will find a job and then we can just go whenever we want. Just wait. I will help you become free like that butterfly. I promise…”

Promise…promise…promis…lie…lies…LIES…LIAR!

Tears were falling down on the hacker’s pale skin. His twin, his other half betrayed him. He freed himself and let the other die in that madhouse named home. Now he knew the secret about Saeyoung’s words. Butterflies were free but their life was so short. There were given so much freedom and yet so little time. So his brother wanted him dead…yes…free from that world, from that weak body. He always was the weak one. This is why their mom always picked on him and not on the other.

,,Just wait ,,brother”, I will make you regret the day you abandoned me. I will destroy everything you love the most. No one mess with me and just live its life. Not anymore. I am not the same.”

The first months at Mint Eye were the worst. Not even in his home was treated so badly; and this was something. He wished for death every single day but his wishes were always ignored. Whenever he thought this was it someone would come and keep him alive then…then the torture continued. It continued until there was nothing left from the old Saeran. Until he disappeared.

Years of torture and abuse surely left him with some traumas. This is why he had so many nightmares. Sometimes the phantoms of the past were following him in the daylight as well.

,,Hell?” the boy laughed. ,,I live in Hell every single fucking day. And what did you save me from? Nothing…I…can’t forgive you.” Even after he was saved from Mint Eye, he could still not forgive his twin for letting him alone. The wounds were still fresh and bleeding.

Saeyoung tried his best to be around his younger twin more and do whatever he wanted…everything but one thing. To kill him. Saeran wanted to end it all, the pain was too much to bear, but Saeyoung couldn’t lose him like this. After all was his little brother and needed to be protected and this time he will do it right. No one will do it, but him.

It wasn’t easy in the condition Saeran was. Night and day the nightmares were haunting him, making him re-live the past over and over again.

The beatings, the insults, the drugs, the cold floor that served him as a bed, the icy water thrown at him to make him stronger. Everything was so fresh in his mind and the body was too tired to resist anymore. He was trembling every single night in the bed, sweat covering his tensed body. ,Why me?…why didn’t she killed me? It hurts…it hurts so much…please stop it…please…’ But the words didn’t came out. His throat was so dry and it was even harder to breath. He was suffocating. Another panic attack.

,,Look at you! You are so weak and pathetic. This is why I never loved you. This is why I tried to kill you. But you are like an annoying bug. You keep living even in the worst conditions. You are a weirdo. A creep. No one will ever love you. I feel ashamed to be you mother. You are a monster not my child!”

,,What is it, my poor, poor child? Did someone hurt you? I am so sad to see you hurt…but you are weak. The weak ones will always suffer. You are different, aren’t you? You just need someone to push you over the limit. I can do it. I can make you stronger. But you need to suffer more. Without suffering there is no paradise, my child. Remember, I hurt you because I love you. Just trust me and everything will end sooner than you think. You will thank me later. I am the only one that truly loves you. Who else would love a weak freak like you? Yes, inside you is a horrible monster that wants blood and revenge. Just give up, let him out.”

The words were echoing in his mind, making him feel sick, dizzy. But this wasn’t the worst thing. Then were the images, the flashbacks. He could feel those long and cold fingers dragging him, touching him; the fists punching him. The stomach pain from food poisoning or from starving for too long. The pain from the drugs, the ones that were forced down his throat. It hurt for days and he wasn’t even allowed to cry. If he cried they would beat him or drug him more. There was the dark room as well. Whenever he refused to do something he would be thrown there, alone, in the darkness for a week or more. It was hard to say for sure. Who would do that? A monster he thought. But wasn’t he one too? After everything he had done, he knew he became the monster that everyone is afraid of. All but one…Saeyoung. Apparently his stupid brother was not afraid. Or so he said. It was still hard to believe it.

,,Leave me alone…please…I just want to be alone…don’t…don’t touch me! Stay away! Please…Saeyou…why you left…? Please…”

….

,,Saeran?” The red haired male couldn’t finish his work for the agency, not before trying to talk with his brother once again. It was late but maybe he was awake. When he reached to the door to knock on it he heard the other male’s words. He sounded like it was in great pain so without any warning he opened the door to see what was happening. The scene in front of him was heartbreaking. Saeran was on the floor, hugging himself, trembling, with tears rolling down his face. ,,Not again…please…” It never was easy to see his little brother in that condition…so small and vulnerable, so broken. This only remembered him how much he disappointed his twin, how he failed him…how the adults betrayed them both.

He hurried and kneed on the floor, gently stroking the hair of his twin. ,,It alright, Saeran. I am here. Saeyoung is here. Your brother is here…I am here…I am here, little brother. I will never leave you alone again. I won’t. I won’t let anyone touch you ever again. Please, please…I am here…” Tears were falling down on his face now, his voice shaking. It was hard to talk and the only thing he knew to say was to reassure the other that he was there this time.

The hacker continued to caress the other’s hair gently and from time to time repeating he was there. This seemed to calm the younger twin after a while, his body starting to relax. Unfortunately the moment didn’t last. When Saeran opened his eyes, he looked up to see who was there. Saeyou…Seven. The hatred was so deep buried inside him that he just couldn’t control himself. Not after having that nightmare again. ,,YOU! YOU TRAITOR! I HATE YOU! YOU LEFT ME! DIE! JUST GO AND DIE! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!” With tears rolling down its face, he started throw weak punches at the older male. He was weak. He couldn’t eat, sleep or rest at all. He was tired.

Saeyoung was already broken himself, but seeing his brother hating him so much it was destroying him. ,,I am sorry…I know I failed you. You have the right to hate me…but I do love you. You are my sweet little brother and no one can change this. I would give my life for yours. If I could change the past I would do it. I would happily stay with you and find another solution to escape mom. But this time together. But I can’t. I can only try to regain your trust and give you the life I always wanted to. I am lame, a weirdo, stupid, all you might think of. I know it. I deserve all the hatred, but you don’t deserve to suffer anymore. Please…let me help you…” With hesitation at first, he slowly wrapped his arms around the other male’s small body. God, he was so skinny. ,,I am so sorry…” They both were crying so hard; two messes.

After a few minutes of continuous crying, Saeran was the one that talked first. ,,You destroyed my shirt with your tears…and I hope it was only this…” Saeyoung laughed hearing that, still sniffing. ,,I am sorry, I am sorry. I will buy you a new one.”

,,And ice cream…”

,,Huh?”

,,I said ice cream too! What? Are you deaf now too? Stupid and deaf. What a brother.”

,,Hey! You hurt my feelings, brother. Little Seveny is soooooo saddy now.”

,,Can you please stop talking like this…?…nevermind…just leave me alone…”

Seven could only look confuse. He thought Saeran was feeling better but maybe he crossed the line a bit too much.

,,Look, I am really sorry. I thought…well…I thought you might not want to talk about what happened…this is all. You know, I have nightmares too. My worst nightmare is when I lose you. Since I work as a secret agent I am not allowed to have a family or people close to me. So…in that dream the agency finds about you and…send someone to take you away from me. I struggle but without result. I am captured as well and forced to watch as they torture and then…kill you. The worst part is that I pull the trigger. They drug me and I somehow lose the control over my body. Like I am so kind of robot. But I still have all the memories intact and the feelings…yet I can’t control myself. It’s my worst fear…to lose you…”

For a few moments there was only silence until Saeran decide to break it.

,,You will never do it. I know it…you abandoned me but you never did something to me yourself, with your hands. So…I expect to put someone else to do it. Plus, your are so weird that it will take too much time for them to control you. I think they will just give up.”

,,Haha…you are right…” He tried to laugh it off but his laugh was weird. He knew what his twin was trying to do. And it was admirable. ,,Thank you.”

,,For?” The white haired boy raised an eyebrow to the other male in confuse. He sighed tired of more conversation then forced himself to lift up from the ground but his legs didn’t cooperate. His brother caught him before to injure himself. ,,You okay? Here, let me help.” And without waiting for a reply, he just helped him get on the bed. Saeyoung was looking at his brother. He surely was too skinny.

,,I…thank you, but I could have done it by myself. I just needed some time.”

,,I know. My brother is really strong. You grew up into a strong man. I am so happy. But neglecting yourself won’t help. I am sorry…I will go back to work if you don’t like me here…” He tried to go away for Saeran’s sake, but before to be able to do so, the other male grabbed a part of his jacket. ,,Stay…please…” He wasn’t looking into his eyes, but down, at the bed. The red haired male understood and just nodded, taking a sit beside the other. ,,Okay. I will stay.”

Saeran wasn’t used to open up, but for the first time in so long he felt the need of his twin’s presence. Whenever he was there, he felt safe, at peace. He never hated him for real, but hated himself for being so weak, he blamed himself for being abandoned by his half. Now, he knew the truth. This didn’t erased the pain or the past but helped him heal.

,,Why did you told me about your nightmares?…I didn’t asked for…” His voice was so small, like he was scared to talk too loud.

,,Well…to be honest I thought it will help you feel less alone. I know we didn’t went through the same things but I know how it is to suffer because of the past and how it is to not be able to sleep because of the nightmares, how it is to be scared. You are not alone in this, you don’t need to be.”

,,How did you manage to get over your nightmares?” He just ignored what the other said.

,,I…didn’t. I still have them. But what helps me now is your presence. Whenever I feel anxious I come and check on you. If I can see you then I am okay. Before to find you I had a photo of yours smiling. I always had it on my desk and looked at it. It helped me whenever I felt depressed or like giving up. You made me continue going on. You were my reason to live.”

,,Please don’t tell me you love me now. Don’t transform this into a cheap drama.”

,,Hey, I wouldn’t do that, but I do love you. You are my little brother.”

,,Hmph…I don’t love you. I prefer girls.”

,,Meanie…”

,,Weirdo.” After a small pause he continued. ,,I don’t have a reason to go on. It keeps haunting me…every night is the same. Mom…Rika…you…everyone is laughing at me or hurt me. I want to make it stop but I am too weak. I don’t know what to do. I am just an unwanted, weak little boy. I want to make it stop…but you are never there to help me. I am scared…I want to believe you will be here for me but I can’t. I am scared…that you will disappear again. That you will leave me behind again…”

Saeyoung didn’t let his twin finish the sentence and just hugged him tight. ,,I am so sorry I was a brother like that. But I promise that I will always be here from now on. I will never leave you alone again. If mom or Rika comes back I will fight them and not let them touch you. I will come into your dreams and make them run away. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

This time, Saeran returned the hug. It was nice to be hugged so tight. He could feel the warmth of the other. It was calming. ,,Thank you…Saeyoung. Umm…then can I ask you something?”

,,Sure. Whatever you want, little brother.”

,,Don’t call me little…I am an adult now. But…can you stay here tonight? I don’t want to be alone…”

,,Of course. I will stay here. So please, try to rest, you need some sleep.”

,,You too…you worked the whole week…without rest…” He spoke with pause between some words, tired, his eyes barely staying open. But he wasn’t the only one in that situation. Seven wasn’t far away from passing out too.

Breaking the hug, the males made themselves comfortable on the bed. Good that there was enough space for them. Saeran was the first that fell asleep. Saeyoung patted his head and gave him a kiss on the forehead. This was something he would do as a kid. Saeran was so happy back then…they were inseparable. ,,Goodnight, little brother. Don’t worry. I will be right here so no one will come for you tonight. You sleep and I will protect you.” With these being said, he closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly. After so many years apart they were sleeping together again, like when they were kids. They were a family again, and this time no one could separate them again.

#mystic messenger #mm #saeran #saeyoung #choi twins #nightmares

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vanderwood666 · 7 years ago

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Hello 😄 can I ask a fic for V having a nightmare about the moment of Rika blinded him and then MC comforts and cuddles him?

I am sorry I didn’t replied earlier to this. I was in some kind of a hiatus and tumblr is acting strange in the last period for me. Anyway, I wrote already something similar but with Jumin and Jihyun. I adapted the story for you so I hope you don’t mind. If you do let me know and I will write another one. Hope you enjoy it ^^

This fanfic is a pretty long one. There are some triggering situations as well so if you don’t like these kind of stuff just keep scrolling.

Also if anyone want to read the original story with Jumin and Jihyun I will let the link below.https://www.wattpad.com/552360385-the-blue-sky-and-the-black-sea-chapter-1-the

…….

,,Why?! I blinded you and you still don’t let me alone! Are you stupid?! Go away and die. I hate you!!! You stupid stupid man! Do you like the pain so much? Do you love me now, my sun? But if the sun can’t see then you are like me. You are surrounded by darkness, in a cold world where no one will ever save you. You are not the sun anymore! Just go away!“

The blonde woman kept hitting him. Why was she so angry at him? She wasn’t anymore the woman that fell in love with. For the first time he was scared by her behavior. V was paralyzed by fear. He felt so much pain and he was surrounded by darkness…again; this was his worst nightmare. No one was there…he was alone…alone with someone that only wanted to kill him and make him suffer.

……

Jihyun was struggling in his sleep again. Another night, another nightmare. He looked hurt, so helpless, so scared. Mc woke up when she felt her lover moving anxious beside her. She mumbled sleepy. ,,Jihyun? What’s wrong?” But she didn’t need an answer. Soon she realized what was wrong. He had another nightmare…the same as always…the one about Rika. Mc found about this nightmare a few months ago when she almost lost Jihyun and when he finally accepted the eye surgery. When he accepted the surgery, she was so happy that started crying. The blue haired male said that it was all because of her love. This is what helped him see the truth and that he wasn’t to blame for Rika’s behavior. His fault was that he kept everything a secret. What still remained a secret was what really happened in the day his ex-fiance injured his eyes. He said it was too painful to remember and that the past was the past. Mc accepted it since what Jihyun needed was to forget about his traumatic experiences and to think about the future and about himself more. She was able to deal with all his nightmares. The male was always calmer if he felt her touch or heard her voice.

The girl gently caressed his soft yet lightly wet hair. ,,Jihyun…it’s alright. I am here, you are not alone. She can’t hurt you. I am here…please…“ She slowly placed a kiss on his forehead. ,,Everything will be alright. I am here.” This assurance was for Jihyun. She always said this and never got tired to say it. ,,I am here.“

Soon Jihyun’s body relaxed and looked like the nightmare was over. At least in that night. Mc breathed in relief. Good. Now they both could rest properly. She smiled at her sleepy lover. ,,I love you. Thank you for everything. For even fighting with all your demons for me.” She wasn’t stupid. She knew that sometimes the nightmare haunted Jihyun even when he was awake. She saw how his body sometimes was so…rigid…like he was scared, but of course…she never said something about it. That man was so pure and tried to protect her even when he needed to be protected.

Gently, the girl went closer to the blue haired male and moved his head to her chest, continuing to caress his blue and soft hair. In this way, if he will have another nightmare, he will hear her heartbeats. This should calm him down. ,,I am right here. I won’t let the darkness take you away from me again. I will keep you in the light. Stay with me this time.“

From Jihyun’s eyes fell down on his cheeks some tears. Mc noticed the tears and softly wiped them all away from the cold and pale skin. ,,Don’t cry, I am here.” She slowly wrapped her slender arms toward the male’s body and embraced him tight. And in this way they both slept for the rest of the night. Or at least for another couple of hours.

…….

,,Huh? W…what…happen…?“ Jihyun looked confuse around him. Darkness…it was too dark…he wasn’t able to see many things. After the eye surgery the doctor said that his sight will recover slowly. And that meant that he will still have trouble at seeing even when it was day. In some days he was so depressed because of this issue but Mc was always there for him, to support and help him at each step. This was so sweet and kind. He fell in love for this woman each day more and more. If it wasn’t for her…Jihyun thought that…he would end up disappearing in who knows what place forgot of the world…or that he would lose himself.

And now he needed her. He needed to know that she was there, that she was alright. ,,…Mc?” He asked shyly. But soon he heard someone’s heartbeats, his lover’s heartbeats. She was there, embracing him tight, with a hand tangled in his blue hair. So he had a nightmare again. Of course. He felt somehow guilty. Because of his nightmares, the poor girl wasn’t able to sleep properly, but also…he was thankful for all of these. And knew how lucky he was to have this woman on his side.She was so kind and good with him. So patient. He never thought that he will be able to love again or to be around someone so closely like that again. And here they were. Together, tightly embracing each other.

Tears were falling down on his face once again. But this time were tears of happiness. He was overwhelmed by happiness and by all those feelings that existed in his heart. Who would have ever thought that they will end up together in this way? But what was important was that they ended up together, and that they were more than happy in that moment.

The blue haired male gently placed a kiss on his sleepy lover’s forehead and then rested his head back on her chest listening her heartbeats. ,,Thank you. You always calm me down…you believe in me even if I can’t…“ He slowly took the girl’s hand from his shoulder and placed it over his chest, where it was his heart. ,,My heart beats only for you. I know I said this already…but…I just want to keep saying it…to…be sure that this isn’t just a dream…that…I won’t wake up someday without you by my side…” He tried to calm down, to breath, concentrating on his lover’s heartbeats. God…this was hard. He felt how he was suffocating now. He had a panic attack.

This…he always had a panic attack when he thought about Mc leaving him…or she being hurt. He wanted to protect her even with the cost of his own life. That girl was so important for Jihyun.

Suddenly a hand started to caress his hair. ,,Shhh…it’s alright. I am here. Don’t be afraid.“Jihyun felt Mc’s body changing the position in bed, now being at his level, looking in his blue eyes. ,,What’s wrong? Another nightmare?” Her eyes were so worried and yet…so full of love for the him. ,,I…I am sorry…just sleep…I will be alright..I am fine…“ Without a word Mc stand up and slowly helped his lover to get up as well.

,,W…What are you doing?…” Jihyun was quite confuse of the behavior of his partner. He said he was fine already. What was wrong?,,Please, Jihyun…you trust me, right? Then let me be here for you. It will be alright. I won’t leave you alone. You are my other half.“ Kissing his forehead, she slowly guided him outside on the balcony where Jihyun had his own little garden.

She helped him to sit on the chair and went inside the apartment without saying a word once again.

What was in her head? Sometimes it was so hard for even her lover to say what was she thinking about. Anyway, the photographer was grateful for everything. Maybe it was better to stay out there looking at the sky. But even so it was pretty dark and he was able to see only the stars and the moon.

Mc returned to his partner how fast she could. She knew how important for Jihyun was to be with someone always. ,,I am sorry I made you wait here, my love. I needed to take something from inside. Wait. I will make more light. I can’t see anything. I thought it will be more light here but I was wrong.” She softly chuckled trying not to make the male feel awful because of his sight. So she just tried to laugh it off. But the truth was that she wanted that Jihyun to be able to see her and to see what was around him better. With a click on a button the whole balcony was full of light. Many little lights were everywhere, covering the place, making it look like a fairytale garden. This made the blue haired male look around him smiling. But he was sad. He knew that all of these were for him…were because he couldn’t see properly yet.

Mc saw his sadness and cupped his face, slowly caressing his cheek with her thumb. ,,I made all of these to make us a special place. I want to see you smiling. I just want to see you happy, Jihyun. Please…I might be selfish sometimes but I do love you. And I don’t want to lose or see you sad.“ A tear was falling down on Jihyun’s cheek. How could he be sad when she was so honest and only wanted to make him happy?

With a hand she gently wiped the tear away, keeping the hand on her lover’s cheek. ,,Don’t waste your tears on me…” But before to tell something else more tears started to fall down on his cold cheeks.

He looked surprised at first since he didn’t even realize when started to cry. But then started to laugh, wiping away a few tears from her face as well.

,,Silly, you are crying too. It’s alright if it is for you. I am not afraid to show my true feelings in front of you.“ And in the next moment they were laughing with tears together. ,,This should be a romantic moment. Why are we laughing?”,,Thank you for everything, Mc. I am so lucky to have you in my life.“

Before to say something else she was gently kissing her lover. ,,I am the lucky one for having you here with me. Stay with me forever. I don’t want to let you go.”,,I won’t go anywhere. I love you.“ These kind of moments were so precious for them. They assured always each other that they will never go away, that their love will only grow up with time.

,,I know you don’t sleep well because of me. I guess I should at least tell you what my nightmares are about.” She tried to say that it was alright and to deny the fact that she was losing sleep but he pressed his finger on her mouth. ,,No. I want to tell. Please.” With this being said she nodded and let him continue. ,,It’s always the same nightmare…” He took a deep breath and for a moment looked lost in his thoughts, scared of his own memories. His eyes were looking up at the sky. He didn’t wanted her to see the pain in its eyes. ,,She is there. She is always there waiting for me to come back. And I always come back. Once I said I would love her even if I would be blind, even if she will hurt me. I never thought she will really do it. So when she…when she…” His voice was shaky. It was hard for him to even think about it. Mc put her hand on his shoulder reassuring him that everything was alright and that she was there now. ,,Thank you, love. I thought she will just hit me or something like this but no…not that time. She wanted to be sure that I won’t be able to look at anyone like I looked at her. I stayed there waiting…then she came back and…had a knife in her hands. I thought she will threaten to kill herself but she only came toward me slowly. My heart started racing. I didn’t knew what to do else than to trust her. Then she started laughing and in a moment she left the knife fall on the ground. I can still hear the metallic sound making contact with the floor. She said she wanted to be slowly and painful so she will do it with her own hands. I didn’t understand at first…until she cupped my face and…”

Tears were falling down Mc’s face. Her heart was breaking hearing all those things. It was enough. For her and for him as well. ,,Enough! Please, Jihyun…stop torturing yourself like this. You don’t need to say it. I know…I know everything…please…We will go thought this together, I promise. You are not alone anymore. I will come into your dreams and protect you. She can’t hurt you anymore. I am here.”

Jihyun looked at her with watery eyes. Her image was so blurry but he still found her so beautiful. She was an angel. ,,My angel…” The male gently started to caress her hair. She really was an angel for him.

Nodding he gave her a warm smile. ,,Okay. I will wait for you then. I will wait for my angel to guide me back home.”

She felt embarrassed to be called like that but seeing Jihyun smiling was all she wanted.

The air was cold in that night so the girl started trembling and then realized that probably Jihyun was freezing as well. They were so caught up in their moment that didn’t realized how cold it was.

,,Jihyun, you will get cold here. We need to come back inside. Jihyun? Are you still listening me?” But the blue haired male was already asleep it seemed. This wasn’t how she planned but, well…it was okay. At least he was back to sleep. ,,Alright. We will sleep here.“ She went inside to take a blanket and then come back and took a sit beside him, covering them both with the blanket.

Mc kissed his forehead once again smiling at him. ,,I hope one day you will be free from your nightmares. And I hope you will let me help you. Goodnight, my love.“

#ask vanderwood666 #MM #mystic messenger #Jihyun #trauma #MCxJihyun #nightmares #abuse mentions

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