vauseman-doodles

[vauseman-doodles]

Do you even know what food she likes? What movies make her cry? What her usual is when she orders at Starbucks?? I bet you don't. I bet you don't know how she bites her lips when she's deep in thought or how she gets all shy when asking for a favor or how fresh new bed sheets makes her all giddy and wants to snuggle. But all of that is pointless. Knowing all that bits about her is pointless. Because she chose you. She chose you over me. She chose a boy. When I could be every woman she could ever dream of.

[vauseman-doodles]

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love sleeping alone in my bed and being able to completely sprawl out. But there’s something about being woken up in the middle of the night to your person scooting over and grabbing you closer. Even when you sleep on your stomach and angled all weird yet they still find a place to comfortably lay their head on your back and intertwine their legs with yours.

[vauseman-doodles]

Love Differently

Eversince I was little, I already hear people talk about how being a lesbian, or liking the same sex, is a sin. I also hear them talking about how lesbians love differently. That don't ever be in a relationship with one because they love too much; that it's intense; that they will never let you go that easy. 

And as a kid, I didn't really see anything wrong with that. (Surprise, surprise)

I have relatives that are lesbians and bisexuals. I am not that close to them but we visit them from time to time. And whenever they come up on one of our conversations, my other relatives, sometimes even my parents, always brought up their sexuality, like it is a requirement to always mention that they are "different".

So at a young age, I already knew that I shouldn't love that way. That I should like a boy instead of that cute, funny girl I have lunch with everyday. That I should only like things that are for girls like cute dolls and playing house and anything pink.

But I always knew, at the back of my head that I am different. I don't like dolls that much, I'd rather play tag than house, I hate pink,

and I like having lunch with my cute friend way too much.

And now, as an adult, I finally accepted it: I like girls too. And I finally get why they say people like us "love differently". 

Atleast they got that one right. 

We love differently.

I'm not saying that it's better than any other love. But being inlove with the same gender in a society that doesn't accept it, doesn't even try to understand it, even condemn it is, to put it simply, a mistake.

A mistake that makes you feel things. A mistake that makes you smile in the morning just because of a simple text. A mistake that makes you feel so alive. A mistake that you would never, ever try to "fix".

We love differently because we see clearer than anyone else, that it may end. That this, whatever we have with someone, is more fragile than anything we ever had. In a world where they see loving the same gender as a mistake, a sin, an abnormality, something that is not real, how could you not constantly think about how it will eventually end?

So we love fiercely. Sometimes to a point that it becomes self-destructing. Because somehow we hold on to that person because we might never find another one who will love us as much again.

I understand that now. I know at some point that this might end, that the possibility of us being together until we grow old is a bit slim, that having a life with her will never be smooth-sailing, that at some point we might ask ourselves if all of this is even worth it. But I look at her and despite all that, I would still do anything for her.

We all love differently. 

And no matter what people say, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[vauseman-doodles]

[vauseman-doodles]

[vauseman-doodles]

A Simple Favor (2018), based on the novel by Darcey Bell

[vauseman-doodles]

If I did, so would you.

“There are people who are always in love with the sky, no matter the weather. One day you will find someone who’ll love you the same way.”

[vauseman-doodles]

[vauseman-doodles]

the worst thing of being in the closet is sweating profusely and hyperventilating when someone takes your phone and you know what’s on those internet searches… am i right you filthy ao3 readers

[vauseman-doodles]

All I’m saying is the last time my daughters looked at each other like this some good shit had went down earlier and Nicky called them out on it. So all this scene is telling me is that either it’s about to go down or it already has lol.

[vauseman-doodles]

[vauseman-doodles]

“Wheres alex? No one will answer me i need to know if shes okay. Shes the only one i have left. I made a few mistakes a decade ago but those mistakes changed me here. When alex and i get out we’re going to start a beautiful new life together.”

[vauseman-doodles]

Everytime I taste a bit of you, I crave for more.

[vauseman-doodles]

Smile for the camera.

[vauseman-doodles]

Someone finally said it.

[vauseman-doodles]

[vauseman-doodles]

do you wanna say any last words?