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vent art ⚠️ lots of thoughts bouncing around lately

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comm for rukola on telegram! get plushified, silly

Posted using PostyBirb

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the suffering never ends

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Crash

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i hate you chronic fatigue (they/them)

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the making of bases begins.. i will upload them all to an imgur folder i think.. unless there is a better place i can host them?? there will be versions with manes, and bald versions, and as much poketaurs as i can manage ^_ ^; ill have to upload these one at a time over time... maybe add em to my daily drawing since theyre not more than lineart.. hmm

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It happened again tonight. I fucked everything up. He thinks that it's his fault for bothering me, but in reality it was me being honest about what I can handle that caused him to feel worse and spiral downwards. He wants to die now. It's all my fault. Feels like it always is. Every time I talk about my limits or how I truly feel his night or day is completely ruined. It's driven him to drink more and more and more. I always feel like a problem. It's tearing me apart. Two fragments of me constantly feel like cutting up my arm and dying. They feel like cutting an opening just below the elbow and rending skin and fat and muscle from the bone handful by handful, just to show Him how much pain they feel inside on a daily basis. They've both taken control before, each time resulting in cuts on the arm. They're getting harder to keep suppressed. Upon making him feel worse, the emotional one started oozing into the fragment that is Me, nearly sending me into an anxiety induced panic attack. I could barely hold her at bay, let alone suppress her. I couldn't stop a few tears from rolling down our body. Then They appeared. They pushed Her back and caused all emotion and warmth to drain from the body. Replaced it all with ice and numb. I appreciate Them as They have been with me the longest, but the sensation of complete nothingness They 'bless' me with is terrifying. They took control at the same moment They appeared; it became Their body. I couldn't control anything other than the eyes, and those spend most the time staring blankly ahead, seeing nothing. It took a herculean effort to just focus them. I don't know exactly how long They forced us to just lay there motionless, but eventually we fell asleep. I don't remember putting our phone on the charger or climbing under the covers at all. This is the second time They have completely taken over, and its the third time She has tried to take over. I'm terrified that someday one will be able to take control permanently, and that I'll never be in control of the body again. I'm terrified to talk about this with anyone even remotely close to me. But it's even worse to just let it go on in silence. So here I am, suppressing Her and Them, and listening to the rest of the fragments of my mind. I'm confident that shit will keep getting worse, but maybe talking about it will help a small bit.

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i wanted to draw a smug snep 🐱

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its interesting how important the sensory aspect is for furry art. so often furry art isn't just about portraying a certain concept, it's about imagining how it would feel and how it would be like to be that concept, or thing, or creature, or situation. not only stimulating the visual but also touch, smell, even sound, and the feeling of existing or interacting in a body that isn't human. its not only about stuff like furgonomics or the sensory aspect of fur and scales and similar things, its imagining what it would be like to occupy a completely unconventional body with its own quirks and unique differences. sometimes it can be through fantastical and impossible scenarios and sometimes it's about the mundane everyday life that is distinctly not human and not trying to be. stuff like having ears and a tail can be part of it but it can truly be much more. this is what i appreciate about furry art. and especially furry art that is weird and esoteric and weirdly specific and not trying to be easily digestible

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Many dangers were present during The Calamity, including those you would expect and those you would not. The obvious would include the many armies from both sides marching around the continents, the monstrosities known as Geld-spawn or Geld-beasts, and the Gods themselves. I'll also be listing those that are rarely or even never mentioned. Some would include Geldan's Wraiths, Sevvi's Vineblights, and arcanists blessed by both Remour and Reltour. I'll start with the Geld-spawn. The average Geld-beast, known as a brute, was roughly three to six heads taller than your average man, and had the strength of four men. Most could not channel Aether. The ones that could were known as Archdeacons and could wield about as much Aether as the average five Arcanists combined. Archdeacons were supposed to be a head or two shorter than brutes, but just as agile. The most dangerous type were known as Drakes. These Geld-beasts were much smaller than Archdeacons or Brutes, but they had large wings that could carry their small bodies over large distances at high speeds. Drakes on average stood around a head smaller than the average man. These humanoid beasts all had skin that appeared charred and burned, but was as tough as steel plate, and their limbs appeared elongated and twisted. Both Brutes and Drakes were known to have long, sharp claws on their hands that could easily tear though leather and gambison; Drakes were known to have these talons on their feet also. Ancient scribes estimated the intelligence of Drakes to be equivalent to small children, the intelligence of Brutes to just below that of a man, and the intelligence of an Archdeacon to that of a skilled tactician. According to certain manuscripts dating back to 3GW, there was roughly 10 Geld-beasts for every 25 men in the armies of the Fell Alliance. This estimate was taken from a report on the fall of Raa' Seer; it is believed that the ratio of beasts to men increased during the later years of the war, as evidenced by another manuscript detailing the final battle for Ertssel.

One danger is rarely mentioned, only appearing in a scroll hidden deep in the Yuidoran Vaults; the Vineblights. Vineblights are a creation of both Geldan, the god of the underworld and abominations and of Sevvi, the goddess of life and healing. The process is unknown, but these creatures are able to bond to the skeleton of dead Arcanists whos power exceeded an unknown threshold and bring them back to life. The Vineblight itself acquires all memories of the revived Arcanist and takes up residence inside the skeleton. Meanwhile, the remains of the dead Arcanist become a new person with access to a limited amount of vague memories from their previous life, but they regain all skills and affinities after an undetermined period of time. The Vineblight and newly revived person are two separate consciousnesses and can communicate with each other without words. To disguise themselves, the Vineblight can wrap very tiny vines around the revived person's body, mimicking skin or fur to cover parts of the skeleton that don't regrow flesh upon revival. These creatures are extremely dangerous due to the Vineblight being able to act independantly of the revived person, using it's vines to thrash anything that gets to close while also being able to manipulate Earth Aether. Vineblights are very rare, though they and their host can live for hundreds if not thousands of years, making them an effecively ageless creature.

Lunar-Blessed Arcanists were the next most dangerous things you could encounter during The Calamity, and still are extremely dangerous to this day. Their power comes from both Gods of the Moons, Remour and Reltour. Remour grants Arcanists the ability to summon objects by condensing and manifesting Aether. This most commonly takes the form of suits of armor that slightly improves the Arcanists physical traits and abilities, and various weapons. Reltour grants Arcanists the ability to infuse parts of their souls into objects and store various traits into that object; and grants the ability to withdraw any traits that the Arcanist has previously stored. For example; an Arcanist blessed by Reltour can infuse a pendant with their soul and store some of their physical strength into it, making themselves physically weaker while storing that trait. They can then later draw out that stored physical strength, making themselves stronger when needed, as long as the pendant is touching them. The amount of any given attribute they can draw out is directly proportional to the amount they infused into the object. Needless to say, the ability to store up attributes to use later on top of being able to summon armor that improves all physical attributes makes a very dangerous combination. There is lots of evidence of Lunar-Blessed Arcanists being able to easily take out multiple Geld-spawn by themselves.

The most dangerous creatures one could encounter, aside from the Gods of course, would be Geldan's Wraiths. The Wraiths were one hundred Aetherkin within the First and Fourth Generations that were handpicked by Geldan himself for being the strongest and most brutal. The Wraiths were well known for appearing out of nowhere and vanishing just as fast, leaving mountains of corpses in their wake. Covering all one hundred would take up too much of my time, so I'll cover the three most infamous Wraiths in order of least dangerous to most dangerous. The Wraith of Flame, Enkarr of the Fourth Generation, was a master of Fire Aether and was known to be cunning and methodical in their planning; mostly using their abilities to incinerate large swaths of opposing armies. It is said that Enkarr's flames were so strong and bright that they rivaled the sun itself. The Wraith of Stone, Terranel of the First Generation, was a master of Earth Aether, and was know for their hot temper and explosive mood swings; primarily using their abilities to crush cities and fortresses with waves of stone and earth that flows like waves. Manuscripts state that Terranel was fond of entombing their enemies in stone and leaving them to suffocate, and of encasing victims and slowly crushing them over days or weeks to gain information. The most dangerous of Geldan's Wraiths name has never been recorded, but was known as The Wraith of the Frozen Void. They were Geldan's second in command, and the most dangerous assassin ever known. They used a combination of Water Aether and Void Aether to freeze entire armies in an instant and open up rifts in the fabric of reality, ripping everything apart axiom by axiom. They are credited for the death of Estella, the Wyvern of Water and for the death of Kalan, the God of mystery and exploration. While unconfirmed, it is theorized that The Wraith of the Frozen Void is also responsible for the vanishing of the Murandel Kingdom.

Scribed by Endon, Second Researcher of The Spire of Stars

To be delivered to Viola of the Third Generation, Warlock Commander and Wyvern of The Spire of Stars

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its normal for tauirls (taur girls)

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Welcome to the Spire of Stars, I'm glad to see everyone decided to accept my offer. You already know who I am, and I know who all of you are, so we'll skip the introductions. First, you need to forget whatever nonsense you think you know about Aether. It won't help you here. We'll start simple with how Aether is channeled. Within every arcanist is their source of power, it is called a Well, and I expect you to refer to it as such from now on. Sprouting from an individual's Well are channels that stretch all over the body; all Ather is moved through these, and how much Ather an arcanist is able to control is determined by how wide these channels are in conjunction with how deep their well is. Your first steps of training will be focused on developing and widening your channels as much as possible, but Professor Andel will teach you the specifics, not me. Do extraordinarily well with Andel, and you might earn the chance to become one of my pupils. Moving on; Aether can be expelled from these channels in a continuous flow, or it can be built up and released at once for a large burst of power. I recommend carving out a buffer in some of your channels to make the storing process easier and more efficient. These buffers are known as Pools. To carve out these channels and pools you will need to increase the flow of Aether until you're slightly above what you are comfortable with. Be warned however, if you increase the flow too much you will overflow the channel or pool, causing it to tear open and inflict SEVERE pain; you also will not be able to use that channel or pool for a long time without hurting yourself and causing more damage. If you continue to try to use the channel or pool despite tearing it, you risk permanently destroying it at best or at worse killing yourself and everyone around you. I'd advise being careful, but all your terrified looks tell me that I don't have to. I'll be covering the source of Aether and how your Well is able to tap into that source next. Before we move on, does anyone have any questions?

Viola's lecture on Arcane basics for 1st year scholars

From the archives of the Spire of Stars

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the steam deck has done wonders for the linux community, on par w/ estrogen

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love is love :D

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"I remember it clear as the South Sellish waters; it's not a day that any of us could forget. It was like any other, 'side from the ominous storm blown' in to port. All started with that ship and 'er damn cargo; "we can control it" they said, "impossible for it to escape the cage." They lied, though, that should be obvious to you. 'Twas one of them abominations of Geldan. One of the biggest I've seen, with claws long and sharp as a dagger, and wings as wide as a person is tall, and an oily hide of leather… Still haunts us who saw it to this day…"

A distant look fell across the Portmaster's face as he uttered those last words. "How did the Geld-Beast escape?" I asked, "I've read through all the available reports, but they're all vague and don't mention much."

The Portmaster jumped, as if he forgot I was there. "I was getting to that part lass, be patient." He shook his head, "youngins these days, always in a rush" he mutters. "I was close when it happened, though I still don't rightly know what 'appened. One moment the beast was snug in the cage, the next it was standing tall and free and releasing a soul chilling screech towards the 'eavens, already covered in the blood of the sailors moving the cage. That's when the rain and thunder started. All I could do was scramble away and scream for help. Not my proudest moment, but what else could I do?" He looked down, ashamed, before his face turned grave and serious. "The port guard arrived first, but were useless. None lasted three seconds" he whispered. Turning to look at me, he continued "The port archers atop the walls were next. They sighted the threat quick, but were of no help either. Best they could do was sound the alarm before dying. The rest of the port garrison was not much better, but least they kept the devil from attacking us citizens and bystanders. Didn't last long though; had no way to defend against impalement from that cursed beast. All that could be 'eard was the ungodly screeches of the creature and the screams of the dying. All that could be seen was corpses brutally ripped apart and half dead men with their guts spilling out and laying in large pools of blood and viscera. 'Least the heavy rain washed away some of the sight, and the strong thunder covered some screams… Course, things did change for the better eventually, else we wouldn't be 'ere now. SHE turned the tide single handedly. Took 'er damned time, but the Fortress Commander finally showed 'er face. Commander Zephyr emerged from the portcullis, and it seems as everything froze, and everyone stared at her. Even the devil paused. She walked down the road clad in 'er customary deep blue brigandage, giving the demon a glare that could freeze the sun. Brimming with visible, barely contained wrath, she wordlessly summoned 'er rapier and slowly raised it up to the demon in challenge. The beast screeched in response, but as fast as lightning, the Commander launched 'erselfe into the sky and sheared off one wing. The devil 'ad no time to react before it was sent to the ground, screaming in pain. Zephyr landed smoothly and gracefully, having summoned her greaves and boots while in the air. The two stood there then, staring and sizing the other up. The beast let loose another fell scream and charged, aiming a slash at the Commander's sword arm, but she effortlessly parried and dodged away. The beast gave chase and kept slashing and kicking and jumping at 'er, but she was always a step ahead blocking and dodging out of 'arms way. Thunder clapping each time blade and claw clashed. Before I knew it, the Commander had danced in a large circle around the beast, while it ended up in the same place it crashed, having gained no ground. Looking closely, I could see thin lines cut into the stones; she must 'ave cut them faster than the eye can see while dodging around. The demon took a quick step, as if to start charging again, but stopped and tilted it's 'ead curiously. Zephyr 'ad dropped 'er blade and let it melt to mist. Arcs of lightning started dancing quickly 'round the Commander's body as she addressed the beast."

"You have killed my soldiers. You have killed my friends." Zephyr said, filled with rage, "You have killed my pupils. And you have spilt all of their blood right in front of me, in the doorway of my own fortress. I demand retribution, and I WILL have it. May the gods judge you harshly and cast you back to Geldan's domain."

The Portmaster continued, with a wicked grin on his face. "After those words, the lightning flickering around 'er grew strong and bright. The Commander stomped a foot down on the lines she cut, and the gods threw down a massive bolt of lightning on the demon, at least fifteen feet wide and strong enough to melt the stone. The clap of thunder was strong 'nough to nearly deafen the entire island. Needless to say, the gods were as harsh as expected, and nothing of that foul beast was left, save the wing our Commander cut off. If you're lucky enough to get an appointment, you can find it mounted in 'er office, behind 'er desk and just to the side. Makes it seem that the wing is 'ers, and is a mighty intimidating sight."

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We stood there, staring each other down for what felt like forever as chaos surrounded us. The soldiers of both armies somehow instinctually knew to stay away. “How long has it been since we last met?” I shout, trying to make myself heard over the screams and metal clashing against metal. “How long has it been since we could make our hatred of each other clear?” Their armored tail twitched and swung about in irritation, but they remained silent. “How typical, it’s been nearly a decade, and you still say nothing upon our reunion. I fight my way across the entire planet, step by bloody step, and yet you say nothing.” 

“You and I both know this war isn’t my fault. I wasn’t the one to burn your city and massacre its people” they finally responded, barely loud enough to be heard. “We have no reason to fight. Back down now, and I can guarantee favorable treatment as a prisoner of war.” 

I nearly screamed in rage. “But you were there. You had the power to stop it, but you just stood on that hill, silent and ignoring our pleas for help!” An arrow invaded our small circle of isolation and bounced off my pauldron; I barely noticed. “You were the one to let them destroy my home, you were the one who sentenced thousands of innocent people to death, and yet you say we have no reason to fight?! I vowed that I would hunt down everyone responsible, and you’re the only one left now. I’ll let Chalkan take me to his eternal halls before I give up.”  

They sighed, as if disappointed by my accusation and determination. “So be it. I was hoping to avoid killing you, but that seems impossible now. Just remember that you forced my hand.” They took a step forward, and as their foot struck the ground a long spear made of the same dark ice as their armor, and with a head a big as a bastard sword appeared in their hands. “Prepare yourself” they said, “for I will not grant mercy.” 

The battle around us seemed to fade away completely as I summoned a heater shield on my left arm, and a large war axe in my right hand. It was as if we were back on that hill, completely alone. I dashed forward, my enhanced muscles causing me to close the distance in the blink of an eye and swung my axe in a deadly arc. They stepped back and dodged my swing by less than an inch before jabbing the butt of their spear into my chest, causing me to stumble back. My mind raced; how was that strike so powerful?! I could take a ballista bolt to the chest without flinching in this armor, and their tiny poke staggered me?! Before I knew it, they followed up with a quick thrust, and I instinctually raised my shield to block. I felt a horrible stab of pain as their spear effortlessly pierced the shield and continued forward to stab my shoulder. I wasn’t able to stifle my scream as my shoulder was instantly frostbitten and started burning from the cold. That spear was very bad news, nothing had been able to even scratch my armor before, and it cut through as if it wasn’t there. I tried to step back and put some distance between us, but found my boots stuck to the ground by a thick layer of ice, completely immobilizing me. 

“And now you realize how far out of your league you are, I can see it in your eyes” they said, stepping up close to me. I swung my axe at their head, but they easily grabbed my wrist and severed my arm at the elbow. My vision flashed white from pain, but almost instantly all the feeling in the remainder of my arm vanished, taking the pain with it. “I’m sorry that I must be so rough with you; as I said, I didn’t want to fight. The least I can do is make your death as painless as possible.” 

“What kind of monster are you?” I managed to grunt out between quick, heavy breaths. 

“One who was viciously ripped apart and remade to kill the gods themselves. I am sorry that things ended up like this; I believe we could have been good friends in different circumstances” they said as their spear shrank to the size of a dagger. “Your pain has gone on long enough, though, and it’s time to put an end to it. May Sevvi guide your soul into a peaceful afterlife.” 

I had no chance to respond. They stabbed through my helmet, and everything instantly turned to nothingness. 

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"I know that I shouldn't be writing this, it could get me killed in an instant, but it's too big of a discovery to not document. The frozen north of the world is not as barren and desolate as we thought. The blizzard surrounding the country would have been impossible to navigate without the help of a local fishing ship, but acting stranded was worth it. We docked at a moderate sized town called 'Sevvlt' and at first it seemed to be like any other port town. Oh how wrong I was. The beauty of the town rivals the opulence of Olassare or Venntel. I wish that you could have seen it in person with me, Ranna. The structures near the docks were nothing special, but once you walk past them it's unlike anything you've ever seen. The roads are extraordinarily clean, and made of large slabs of gray rock that look smooth yet give enough traction to never worry about slipping on the snow and ice. Every thirty feet, on alternating sides of the roads, are tall posts of a black metal. At the top of each post are small dull spheres that radiate enough heat to make the fridged weather feel like a cool spring afternoon; and at night they come alive with a beautiful soft glow, bright enough to see exactly where you want to go and yet dim enough to never strain the eye or dim the stars! Can you believe it?! The beauty of the heat and lights are nothing compared to the buildings though. Made of some type of lumber I've never seen before, they look to be made of slightly tarnished silver. The shops are all single story buildings featuring large and wide arches, steep peaked roofs covered in snow, simple signboards, and big windows of crystal clear glass showing off their wares. The houses are all two to three story building made of the same material as the shops and feature the same roofs and elegant arches as the shops, but also have large porches or balconies. Upon each porch or balcony people lounge and relax as if in the middle of a pleasant summer evening, completely oblivious the the snow all around them and the storm raging not too far from their town. Off in the distance, at the far edge of town, stands a simple yet stunning temple of worship. I wasn't allowed to get close, but it has large stained glass windows comprised of the most vibrant colors I've ever seen in glass. The building itself seemed to be made completely of an extremely dark ice, completely distinguishing it from the rest of the town. I have no clue how they keep it from melting, but even from a distance it seems as if it was built just yesterday… I can only theorize that a team of Arcanists meticulously maintains it. At night, worshipers gather inside, and the building glitters and lights up bright enough to clearly see even in the darkest night. It's like a star fell from the heavens and is gracing the town with its beauty. The only thing that could have made the town more mesmerizing is having you by my side to see it.

After bringing me to the docks, my new fishermen friends helped me find a cozy inn, and have left me here alone since. I believe they went to the town's leadership though, as today I've received a letter stating that I'll have a ship waiting at the docks in the morning. I suspect they don't want me lingering for too long. I wish that I could stay longer and travel to their capitol of 'Darrst,' but being unable to see it just gives me a new goal to strive for. This one small fishing town alone is more advanced than the capitol of Telrenv, I can't even fathom what secrets and beauty are hiding deeper in this frozen land.

Anyways, it's getting late, and my body is complaining or exhaustion more and more the later I stay up this night. So, I shall stop writing and making you jealous of the sights you've missed out on. I'll mail this letter as soon as I reach Telrenvi coasts; I hope it reaches you quickly. I would return home and deliver my stories to you directly, but you know me. There's always another adventure to chase and ever more sights to see.

p.s. Oh, do tell Mrs. Lenant that I miss those jams she made; I ate the last of them shortly before stranding myself on the ice, and would dearly love to taste more soon."

Letter acquired from the hidden records vault in Alarunne