ventingblogbecauseineedit

[ventingblogbecauseineedit]

I'm a disgusting attention seeking whore

I'm a disgusting attention whore

Warning: NSFW, long story I let two grown men see my boobs and I'm only 14. The first guy, let's call him Jed, had found me from a reddit post I made on a girls only community where I showed a picture of my face without makeup and explained in the text how I was insecure of my face and asked tips to be more beautiful. He had messaged me after seeing the post asking why I was insecure and I explained everything to him. I also asked for makeup tips and he gave me some, like trying out black lipstick and black cat eyeliner. We started talking on discord and I started to like him. He called me pet names and complimented me frequently. The only problem was that he was 26 and I was still 14. This wasn't that long ago. I sent him a picture of my boobs and he gave me a picture of his length along with voice messages of him jerking off to pictures of me. Idk why I was so into it all but I was. Around the middle of me listening to one of the voice messages he sent me, someone who works on projects with me in a server since I work as an online voice actor messaged me. Let's call him Nick. We didn't talk much other than him asking me for some help with his own project and I did with no problem. He was venting to me about how he had a dream where he was kissing a girl with red lipstick and a black leather jacket but no facial identity and he was seeking assurance that he would someday find the one for him. It was very convenient and gave me a small distraction from the situation I was in. When me and "Jed" stopped and deleted all our sexual messages, I soon started feeling extremely guilty. We had been texting for only a few days (maybe 4 at most) and I gave him a picture of my boobs in that short amount of time. I eventually vented to my best friend and Nick about it and they told me how wrong it was that that happened to me. So I told Jed I needed time to think about us being together, but that I wanted us to never do that again anyways. I have since blocked him and haven't looked at his texts in a while. But immediately after me and "Nick" started talking and we quickly became friends. After a few days of talking or so he eventually asked me "would it be wrong if I said I was interested in you?" talking for like a relationship. "Nick" is 19, I'm 14. I forgot how I responded but shortly after we began dating. We sent cute gifs of animals and bears cuddling, and we talked about our interests, and we shared pictures. But today we were on call and it got to the point where I showed him my boobs, what I look like with a bra and no shirt. I didn't show him anything else other than that. He showed me himself shirtless too and I felt really turned on to be honest. We eventually left call but shortly after I felt guilty again and it's eating me up. He's 19, I'm 14. Should I continue? I don't want to lose him, he's been the first to love me genuinely and I hope he's not the last. I love him too, but after that experience I feel slightly..numbed? I feel like I might throw up, I feel disgusted with myself. But I mostly feel angry. I used to think I was asexual, used to think I would never give nudes, I used to be disgusted by people who would send them, but I guess I'm no different.