ventingintears

[ventingintears]

I want to leave. I really just want to leave

[ventingintears]

I shouldn’t have to be here for you to cry.

[ventingintears]

I can’t fucking help you. I can’t help. I can’t help. I’m literally just a teen

[ventingintears]

I was in fact, correct that she doesnt care anymore btw <3 I got a message this morning abt it, and then a paragraph from her partner about how Im a terrible person (im 15 </3) The more this bitch speaks, the more I think she's a groomer. I dont know if the message I sent to her went through, so since no one follows this blog or gives a fuck if I post it, I'm gonna post what I wanted to say

"Yknow what? I'm gonna be completely honest. I don't feel safe around you, I never have. And the fact that you and [BLANK] are in a relationship? Genuinely freaks me out. You knew [BLANK] when she was in elementary, you were graduating highschool. As someone who has been in bad situations? That is fucking terrifying, especially considering SHE CALLED YOU MOM IN CALLS NUMEROUS TIMES???? The only reason I trusted you was cause [BLANK2] said you were a safe person to trust. I thought that we could all get along regardless of history, but the fact you're coming in here to fucking rant to me and call me an asshole when you never even cared to even listen to another side of the story. For someone who is an adult, the only one I've seen acting immature has been you. You honestly remind me of [BLANK2] when he was 15. I will let you know that Narcissism does run genetically in families, so, watch out for that. I hope you have a good life, despite your lack of respect and, honestly, frankly creepy behavior. You seem like you have room to improve, like all of us. You forget that I'm 15, I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be perfect, and I still have a lot of room to grow and change. You said in this message that I shouldn't care about what people think of my brother, that he can fight his own battles cause 'I'm 15!! I shouldn't have to worry about it!' , yet earlier, you said the exact opposite, I should know as much as him that it isn't sunshine and rainbows, that is a hypocritical statement. Despite the fact I shouldn't have to worry, that doesn't mean I don't, its not like he's fuckin' asking me to worry, in fact he's tried his damn best to get me to not, but I still do, cause he's my family. TLDR, no one has handled this right, and me trying to communicate that is not incorrect, but if you want to think that you're the only one in the situation who is acting like an adult? I cant stop you. Have the day you deserve! <3"

Yknow, I haven't posted here in a while, but god it really sucks when someone you used to consider your family just, stops caring about you. Growing apart is natural, but, it sucks even more when they choose it, yknow...? This was an in law, someone I thought would just, be around forever, someone I trusted more than even my blood family but, I'm 99% sure that they were groomed by an old friend and they've just been talking with me less and less. They said they'd "always be my sibling no matter what", but the farther and farther I see them slip, it sucks to know that it was a lie to protect my feelings. I want to tell them about my suspicions of their partner, but I doubt they'd believe me or even care I think that-- I think they'd think this was my brother putting it into my brain, even though I've always felt a weird vibe about their partner. I'm so conflicted about it all, and I honestly dunno what to do

[ventingintears]

Yknow, I haven't posted here in a while, but god it really sucks when someone you used to consider your family just, stops caring about you. Growing apart is natural, but, it sucks even more when they choose it, yknow...? This was an in law, someone I thought would just, be around forever, someone I trusted more than even my blood family but, I'm 99% sure that they were groomed by an old friend and they've just been talking with me less and less. They said they'd "always be my sibling no matter what", but the farther and farther I see them slip, it sucks to know that it was a lie to protect my feelings. I want to tell them about my suspicions of their partner, but I doubt they'd believe me or even care I think that-- I think they'd think this was my brother putting it into my brain, even though I've always felt a weird vibe about their partner. I'm so conflicted about it all, and I honestly dunno what to do

[ventingintears]

Y’know that moment when someone’s crying in front of you and they’re singing to feel better, and a song that makes you panic comes on but you can’t say anything cause they’re already sobbing and you can’t say anything cause it’ll make it worse? No one else? Okay then </3

[ventingintears]

Dude today is so fUCKING BEHIND!! We had today planned for a month or two in advance and SUDDENLY it’s my job to wake her up like a toddler that doesn’t wanna get up— I swear, I have to be an adult for everyone, meanwhile I’m not even turning 18 this year!!! I’m recovering from being sick, I haven’t slept, yet somehow I still have my shit together.

I swear, ‘We’re leaving at 7!!!!’ Ma’am, it’s 7:41, get your BUTT UP OUT OF BED OR IM GONNA GO CLEAN YOUR CAR, PUT YOUR OUTFITS IN FEONT OF YOU AND TELL YOU TO MOVE LIKE A DRILL SERGEANT

I SWEAR TO GOD, the oNE day things have been planned out months in advance and yOU FUCKS CANT WVEN GET UP ON TIME. I’m having a damn meltdown for something thIS STUPID, I hate myself so much, I shouldn’t be this upset about delays— none of the planning is going how I thought it was and it’s hurting my brain and making everything feel IMPOSSIBLE, man I’m fuckinf sobbing.. I have to be an adult for the damn adults in this house, oh?? Your ten million alarms that went off didn’t do it for you EVWN AFTER I SHOOK YOU THREE TIMES??? Ma’am you’re gonna be 40 here in a few years, you can fuckin deal with getting your ass out of bed. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEAVING AT 7 AND EVERYONE IS STILL ASLEEP, she told me to wake her up in 30 minutes, which is at 7:10, if she doesn’t wake her ass up I’m gonna lose my damn mind and find some way to get there myself

[ventingintears]

I SWEAR TO GOD, the oNE day things have been planned out months in advance and yOU FUCKS CANT WVEN GET UP ON TIME. I’m having a damn meltdown for something thIS STUPID, I hate myself so much, I shouldn’t be this upset about delays— none of the planning is going how I thought it was and it’s hurting my brain and making everything feel IMPOSSIBLE, man I’m fuckinf sobbing.. I have to be an adult for the damn adults in this house, oh?? Your ten million alarms that went off didn’t do it for you EVWN AFTER I SHOOK YOU THREE TIMES??? Ma’am you’re gonna be 40 here in a few years, you can fuckin deal with getting your ass out of bed. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEAVING AT 7 AND EVERYONE IS STILL ASLEEP, she told me to wake her up in 30 minutes, which is at 7:10, if she doesn’t wake her ass up I’m gonna lose my damn mind and find some way to get there myself

[ventingintears]

NNO WAIT I KNOW WHO THIS IS, OHHH MY FUCKIGN GOD. THE DATE MATCHES UP TOO.

This was one of my toxic Ex's (GONNA TW FOR TALK OF SELF HARM, SUICIDE, AND JUST, BAD STUFF, please be careful if you decide to read this) So, this was someone I'll call N, I can tell from the typing and the date, that was when he tried to "reach out to 'be friends'" again. Mind you, this guy sent me self harm pics, guilt-tripped me when I didn't want to do NSFW shit, and over all just, made me feel bad for things I couldn't control (Mind you, I was fucking 12.). I told him I was uncomfortable being friends again, I was polite about it, and then he asked "Just please dont block me again", the FUCKING audacity, I didnt feel comfortable with him having my contact, so I did it anyways, I changed my username on snap and went on with everything cause I didnt wanna dwell on anything like that. "I let u treat me badly" ?????????????? What the fuck did I do??? I talked you out of suicidal meltdowns, I dealt with you sending me pictures of your open wounds with the fucking title 'Woops!!!!!!', you were creepy towards me, yet I always told you I loved you, that I would be there for you. "I was kind. I liked u" NO YOU WEREN'T, AND IF YOU DID LIKE ME YOU SURE HAD A FUCKING WAY OF SHOWING IT!!!!!!!!!!! I felt terrible when I fell out of love with you, but I mostly felt scared of what you were gonna do, what you were gonna say. I never let myself get upset, I never let myself get mad, but I swear to GOD you make it so difficult, I hope that you're doing well, and that you've learned, but god, this pissed me off

[ventingintears]

Not so much of a vent this time, more just smth I don’t wanna share w/ my friends since 99% of them are older than me and I would feel UNCOMFY BEHE

Me at 12:48 listening to Faggot by Mindless Self Indulgence on loop in the dark while staring at the ceiling and writing: haha, I’m SO going to hell, but if it’s for this than Im not complaining /silly

[ventingintears]

Heygguysss <3 its been a morning. Cant share this with anyone I know, sooo back to the vent to the void blog

[ventingintears]

just here to vent abt smth more small cause HFGJHHHHH........ I had a small panic attack while going out to get coffee so I could stay up easier.. The cashier tried to make small talk and stuff by bein like "Oh! Nice weather today, huh?" And I misheard them as complimenting my outfit so I was like "Thank you!" and then they repeated themselves and I felt.. LITERALLY so stupid and I can imagine I looked really stupid as well DFHJHDSJK.. Plus I had to put smth back since the coffee didnt have a price tag on it and I thought it was less than it was :(( I just got a bit nervous thinking abt how I might've been perceived there and literally was hyperventilating a bit on my way back LMAO. Writing this out it sounds silly as all fuck, but GUH..........

[ventingintears]

BWUH......... I hate how much I struggle to ask for help and just over all vent to people I know.. Like, I've barely ate in the past two days, I COULD make myself something, we DO have stuff but I feel slobbish for even needing to in the first place. I know I'm being irrational and I need food like any other person, but GOD my relationship with food has been on and off lately... I have stuff to eat but my brain is literally being like "If you make yourself food, then you are literally gonna die!!!" BUT IF I DON'T MAKE MYSELF FOOD I'M GONNA FUCKING FAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I either over eat, or I barely eat anything, there is NO in between. Istg if I didn't feel bad for saying it I'd say its practically starving myself, but I'd feel weird to label it that. I think I'm developing some kind of ED and I don't know how to stop it or how to ask for help.. I don't want to have ANOTHER thing thats wrong with me. Plus I feel attention having for this in the first place, like.. I could make myself food, but GOD no!! My brain has to scream at me and tell me I can't for some ungodly reason. I don't know what to do anymore... GUH.

[ventingintears]

this literally has to be one of the worst days. i've been having a lot of terrible days lately. my mom is having to go back to the hospital for the second time in 2 weeks. my abandonment issues are spiking up again and i cant help but cry. im listening to music to hope to help, but i literally can't talk to anyone about this. she has fucking hypothermic temperatures which can be deadly. and with how bad her fucking immune system is i personally dunno if ill see her again. i just wish i could go with her to the hospital, i need to fucking be there.

[ventingintears]

Idk how to communicate that with him cause I don't want him to feel bad, so I might just like it. take the blame or smth idk.. that's usually the reason I wont fucking reply; is when I am asleep or occupied trying to calm myself down. but no. im just the person who doesnt answer their msgs to him apparently. i always do my best to answer normally even when im like that, but the one time i dont its a problem. all cause he wanted a soda and i was too slow to answer.

Imagine getting out of an anxiety attack, and then when you finally calm down your brother comes down stairs and gets mad at you for not answering your msgs, couldn't be me.

[ventingintears]

Imagine getting out of an anxiety attack, and then when you finally calm down your brother comes down stairs and gets mad at you for not answering your msgs, couldn't be me.

[ventingintears]

Do you ever just wanna scream, but you just can't get it out?