verdan-the-druid

[verdan-the-druid]

In a thousand years all your brutalist structures will crumble into dust. Even a single sapling can fracture your concrete foundations.

Plus i'm serving in my monocerus leather cloak while your rabbit fur boots dont even match your hat.

I have gathered a series of rats and pigeons in Skinner Boxes and subjected them to images of cursed and non cursed amulets. If they press a lever when the screen shows a non cursed amulet, a treat is dispensed.

The next stage is to show them series of amulets that have not been analyzed and when they press the lever they are still rewarded and the amulet is sorted as good.

And with this new system, I have overcome the damnable “A.I.” with real biological intelligence that will surely have no unexpected repercussions.

[verdan-the-druid]

And I'm fucking coming for you

I have gathered a series of rats and pigeons in Skinner Boxes and subjected them to images of cursed and non cursed amulets. If they press a lever when the screen shows a non cursed amulet, a treat is dispensed.

The next stage is to show them series of amulets that have not been analyzed and when they press the lever they are still rewarded and the amulet is sorted as good.

And with this new system, I have overcome the damnable “A.I.” with real biological intelligence that will surely have no unexpected repercussions.

[verdan-the-druid]

They say that as if your bones aren't the most durable part of you that can last for centuries after your meat and guts have rotted away into dirt

You might think "Oh I can just fight my way through the Dark Lord's skeleton army, skeletons are really weak and fragile" but dude, he's got so many skeletons, dude.

[verdan-the-druid]

Me personally, I just use various forest guardians and nature spirits to maintain all my portals and barriers. I guess wizards don't like to delegate.

Just got off the orb with my local divination center, got told that the reason I can't cast spells is because there's a magical outage in the area due to severe weather. Never in my many many years of living has this ever happened.

Fuck my stupid wizard life.

[verdan-the-druid]

Lmao, this guy didn't pool his own mana reserves. What is it, your first day doing magic?

Just got off the orb with my local divination center, got told that the reason I can't cast spells is because there's a magical outage in the area due to severe weather. Never in my many many years of living has this ever happened.

Fuck my stupid wizard life.

[verdan-the-druid]

Okay!

Come closer, I'm just a normal girl and can be trusted around bodies of water

[verdan-the-druid]

This is where we send the new druids to see if they are gonna make the cut.

fav aesthetics – those moldy veiny roots that grow in some abandoned mines and caves

-L.F.

[verdan-the-druid]

kenku who only speaks through meme audios

[verdan-the-druid]

Yeah those guys always rub it in my face that they can fly when I can't

I checked every single magic law and code in the realm and there is nothing saying the spell "angry urethra bees" is illegal so I am going to cast it as much as I please

[verdan-the-druid]

You hit me with that cloaca bees spell and it does triple damage..

I checked every single magic law and code in the realm and there is nothing saying the spell "angry urethra bees" is illegal so I am going to cast it as much as I please

[verdan-the-druid]

Isn't the DM your friend tho?

How I Ruined My DM’s Plot with Calendar Knowledge

> Be me, Varken Storm, human psi warrior fighter, INT 20, super smart > Got bitten by some furry asshole last arc, now I’m lycanthropy-enabled > DM gets that “I’m so clever” look > Says we’re approaching a major event, enemy general revealed, tensions rising > End of session cliffhanger: I feel something stirring inside me > Whole party going "oh shit" > I, however, have a fucking moon journal > Last session, DM casually mentioned it was a third quarter moon, exactly 4 in-game days ago > Put that shit in my notes like the GODDESS I am > Tonight’s game, DM starts describing things like he’s edging a Shakespearean tragedy > "The moon is high..." > "You feel heat building in your chest..." > "Your limbs twitch involuntarily..." > Everyone looking at me like I’m about to go full furry berserker > Let him cook for a bit > Wait for maximum drama > Then calmly raise my hand > "Actually, just quick clarification. It was a third quarter moon four days ago, yeah?" > DM: *Checks their notes* "...Yes?" > Me: "So, lunar cycle-wise, we’re not even at a full moon yet. Earliest is two days from now." > Whole table: 👁👄👁 > DM.exe has stopped working > Tries to pivot > "You feel deep anxiety... like this would be the worst time to turn..." > "Sure, but I don’t. Because it’s not a full moon. That’s not how moons work." > His entire boss fight was built on me losing control and going werewolf-mode mid-combat > Big antagonist, dickhead who cursed me, is standing on a cliff monologuing, waiting for me to betray the party > Instead I just fucking smirk > I declare in character "Your plan was based on a lunar calendar you didn’t research. Die mad about it." > Combat starts > DM’s whole encounter balance was: villain + me as werewolf = challenge > Instead it’s just us, at full power, with no internal traitor > We absolutely dogpile the villain > Me: "Hey asshole, guess who’s still in control of their faculties and swinging a greatsword?" > Party wrecks his shit > Villain tries to flee lmao > Last thing he hears is "next time, pick a date after the waxing gibbous, dumbass" > DM probably deletes four pages of plot notes but the entire party is having a great time, the dm says "Hearing you all laugh makes this better, but believe me, I will get revenge" > Party carries me out of the burning tower like a hero instead of a tragic beast > lycanthropy was supposed to be a curse but turned into a tactical buff > 20 INT ruined a 3-session arc with moon knowledge lmao

[verdan-the-druid]

Glad i don't have a urethra right now...

I checked every single magic law and code in the realm and there is nothing saying the spell "angry urethra bees" is illegal so I am going to cast it as much as I please

[verdan-the-druid]

Tell me about it

kenku mimicking noises is such an underrated monsterfuckery trope

[verdan-the-druid]

Thinking about moss

[verdan-the-druid]

Shit, you don't gotta tell me twice, i'm wold shaping rn.

In observation of World Pangolin Day, I have decided to spend today as a pangolin.

[verdan-the-druid]

This was a real fucking rollercoaster of a post

these are the miserable remains of a chestnut weevil (Curculio elephas) who will never again feel the joy of a freshly drilled acorn after unspeakable atrocities were perpetrated upon her by me

this is her thirty seconds later. the atrocities that she miraculously recovered from included "being gently scooped up from a branch"

(September 1st, 2024)

[verdan-the-druid]

What if she was called Chappell Moan and...

My lawyers are telling me to shut the hell up.

what if she was called chappell bone and instead of a singer she was a necromancer who raised strong as fuck skeleton warriors