vettany2

[vettany2]

Unrequited love pt. 2

It happened again.

It fucking happened again.

There's this really great guy in my school orchestra. He plays really beautifully, he's so nice and gentle. And he's so cute.

We were spending quite a lot of time together since we share the same way home. We chatted a lot and I started to feel as if there was something growing between us. So I offered him help with a notoriously difficult subject, which he passed just right. We were having lots of meaningful conversations, even got lost from studying to really just chat. He sometimes was holding my stuff on the way home. He offered me his part-time job, when I was complaining about being clueless cuz of summer break.

As I was growing more and more daring, I decided to ask him out. I offered to celebrate his success with the subject and the entire exam period overall and he said yes, even offering to celebrate me handing in my bachelor thesis, when I will do so. So I thought everything is right on track.

It wasn't.

It wasn't.

I texted him about more details regarding the celebration in question and he said yes again. Then he asked if it's supposed to be a date. I thought he was just asking for clarification, so I said I'd like it to be. Tho I offered him a way out by saying we can go as friends too.

He rejected me.

He said while he's flattered by the invitation and considers me a great girl, he doesn't feel anything romantic towards me. And that he'd like to keep me as a great friend that I was until now.

And with that, my year-long pining went down the drain.

I am glad he was honest and direct, yet very considerate towards me. I really am kinda glad he didn't try to console me or downplay my feelings. He just calmly explained his side and left it at that.

And now I'm stuck here wondering if I ever meet a guy, that will be as nice as both of my previous crushes, as good in music as them and will consider me lovable. Cuz right now I'm stuck in being a great friend.

And it hurts.

I simply don't know what more should I do for the fucking space not to send a giant middle finger my way once again.

And I feel like I will never find anyone, who will see me in a romantic way.

[vettany2]

Love problem rant pt. 2

I just dunno anymore. I thought it was officially over. I thought my chance went to shit and that was it. But on some days he flirts with me, on some days he doesn't.

We decided to keep the band and perform just like two gigs per year for fun rather than for money. Our former flute member returned. Which makes me pretty conflicted cuz eventhough she's a nice girl, I feel jealous. Her and him are friends. They always were good friends. But when he jokes with her, laughs with and everything, I just feel so jealous. I want him joke with me like that too. That led me to a giant realization, that I was probably in love with him since highschool. I always wanted his attention. I always was jealous when other girls had it but not me, only I thought it was cuz I had no friends as good as him. Only now I realized I probably had feelings for him even back then. So my closure is down the drain.

I just dunno anymore. I dunno if I should consider it over or not. I don't even know if I should ask him about it. Like, are we even friends? Or just colleagues in the band? What's our status?

I realized I think of him more than I should. I care about his opinions. I care about what he thinks of me. I just care about him. Is he fine? Cuz during the first band meeting this year he didn't look that ok.

It also makes me wonder. If we sleep over at the castle where the gig takes place, will he even care a bit about me or he'll joke with others only, including that flute member? I never had such a good relationship so it naturally makes me feel inferior to her. I just wanna know where I stand.

I'm afraid this uneasiness will make me leave the band. I fear I won't be able to stand being such a lonely wolf in our band.

[vettany2]

I just love these dorks 😍😍😍

Sportarobbie will live on 💙💜

[vettany2]

I really don't know how to begin. I'm a 23F, who's never been in a relationship. I'm really bad at reading social cues, let alone flirting. And yet I'm in an unrequited love with my friend.

We know each other for ages, we went to the same highschool, played the same instrument in music school (a "cram" school for music education partially funded by state) and ended up in the same music band due to our mutual music teacher. We were honestly more acquaintances and colleagues than friends for most of the time until just a few years ago.

After I went to uni, I changed quite a bit. I left the toxic environment of my friend group and it helped me with my self-esteem, my fashion style and my well-being. I basically broke out of my shell. I felt so much better. But he was still the same just until last summer.

The last summer changed everything. At least for me. Right during our first concert gig I noticed he was being more friendly with me but thought nothing of it. Maybe he's just in a good teasy mood as he sometimes tends to, it's just directed to others, not me. But the next few gigs were the same. He was more talkative with me, he teased me and he asked me some serious questions as well. Since he knew I never dated anyone, he asked me about my preferences (probably looking out whether I'm not lesbian but genuinely curious, not in a shaming way). He gave me a funny nickname, while we were never on funny nickname terms before. He kept on casually touching me (not in an unappropriate way) and just paid me more attention than ever.

I know, seems obvious. But I was so confused that at first I thought he's just teasing me and that he even made a bet with others to make fun of me. The toxic friend group I left really ruined me in some ways. Then there was first major thing that shifted my opinion.

We were sleeping over at the castle we performed at since our band was friends with the owner. I was kinda upset noone from the band was even remotely hanging out with me, except for when we were playing songs for fun. So I went out to clear off my head. Then I heard them talking to look for me so that we can watch the sunrise together as a band. Which we did. I was set to go read alone after we finish watching. But just when I was about to go for my book, he came to me and asked me to go castle exploring. To which I said yes as I love castles and history. We went through every nook and cranny of the castle, talked a lot and had a ton of fun. After we finished, he was about to go practice his instrument in a castle chapel cuz the acoustic there is just heavenly. And since practicing is a personal one person activity, I thought I'd find my own spot and practice a bit myself. After a while he came to me to ask me whether I'd like to parctice with him. Yep, you guessed it, I said yes. And it was the best practice I ever had. He even taught me to improvise in duet, which is kinda hard to do as it is very unpredictable and needs to be practiced. But it was so great. Just us, communicating through playing. It's a very intimate thing. I don't even know how long we were there. And the practice was ended with him complimenting me on my body. Which was not only out of place but noone ever complimented me like that. That was the first thing that made me think whether he really means it or he still teases me.

From now on his teasing and dare I say flirting was even more obvious and I was more and more confused and falling for him. It escalated so much that I even felt a sexual desire for him, which never happened to me before. I never felt any sort of desire toward other people and was avoiding any kind of touch. But suddenly I was looking forward to it.

Then the second major thing happened. It was the last gig for that season and the concert was just great. All of us had fun, so we decided to go for a drink after the gig. We went dancing to a club. We kinda awkwardly tried to dance in pair for a disco which turned out pretty weird but I had a lot of fun. That evening I left with a warm feeling in my chest.

That evening, I told him about how I'm bad with reading flirty cues and how I just don't know whether someone has already tried to approach me or not since I'm more or less blind in this. I opened a lot about myself and thought we were going somewhere. He was also texting me more than before (thought his replying tempo was kinda slow but it was still a progress from basically nonexistent texting before).

But then he asked me about what I search for in dating right now. I told him i'd like a serious relationship since I never had that but then the cold shower came down on me. He told me he just recently found out about the dude with whom his ex cheated on him and that he's searching for a friends with benefits kind of relationship. I mean, I get that it hurt him and that he was not ready for a relationship, which is totally okay. But since I am a virgin, who just recetly considered herself an asexual, I told him that I don't think this kind of relationship is for me. To which he said he understands that and with that our teasing and flirting ended.

Or so I thought.

We didn't meet each other for a few months and only hung out during a band meeting on New Year. And he was flirting and behaving still the same as during summer. I was confused as I considered the likelihood of our relationship reaching zero. After that evening I tried to text him a bit more again but his reply twmpo was even worse than before. Then our band had a meeting about the coming gig season and everything just went to shit.

We decided to perform two last gigs and then split the band as almost noone had time to meet the gig dates. He was unfortunately unavailable for both of those last gigs so I knew I had no chance of meeting him again. I asked him to help me with some maintenance stuff with my brand new instrument, to which he said yes. I considered it something between a friends hangout and a date. But I was mostly just seeking closure.

We figured out the date (he even forgot he agreed to this, which is pretty typical for him but it still hurt). When we were discussing the place, he was like "I'd like us to have a coffee" so we chose an outdoor coffeeshop because I wasn't sure if the instrument maintenance procedure won't be messy. And so I went there with mixed feelings but mostly excited. But then he came, we got our coffee, he did the maintenance thing during which we talked a bit. It just felt like a friends meetup. Right after he finished, he told me he needs to go somewhere else and just after 15 mins from ordering the coffee, we said bye and I went home very disappointed.

Feom now on, his text replies reached zero and I basically gave up. We met once or twice after that but I was so disappointed in him that I don't even know how he behaved towards me. Our current relationship is in this awkward state where I dunno if we're even friends to begin with.

The worst is that even despite all of those cues and signs, I still entertain those hopes and it hurts me even more because from a quick crush I fell into a genuine love as I think of him more than ever. I thought that disaster of a meetup will help me with ending my infatuation but it just made it worse. Which makes me even more miserable. I don't know whether he never planned on being with me or if it was caused by an unfortunate turn of events but I feel so sad and lonely because of it.

Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to write it out as I dunno who to tell.

(If you're reading this, you know who you are, I'd still like us to try and hang out at least as friends.)

[vettany2]

How to cope with finding out the people you enthusiastically followed are just public personas of someone completely different?

Just found out that this content creator I like, has terrible employee management and is pretty toxic.

And I keep on finding more my favourite content creators having a crafted persona, while they're completely different in reality (not that having a created persona is a bad thing but their created persona is of a good guy, which they're not). Is it just my luck or the public domain is mainly attracitive for toxic kind of people? Is it cuz of the stress they're under due to being exposed to a wide range of people 24/7 or cuz they're pure assholes?

Now I'm disillusioned in following any other content creator out of fear I'll find out they're terrible people as well, eventhough they might be actually great people irl. How to believe anyone in this era?

I won't name any content creator as I don't want to tarnish anyone nor do I want to ruin anyone's view of them.

[vettany2]

I just feel like screaming this into the void with a nickname none of my real-life acquaintances know.

After years of passionately reading about unrequited love and pining, I experienced it myself.

And it sucks.

It sucks.

I was a person that almost never cries, now I feel like crying while listening to sad songs. I experienced my first time, when a series/movie made me actually cry.

And I experience all that painful pining, those thoughts about what ifs and loneliness.

I am confused by myself. I can laugh with my friends one second, then be sad the following one.

At first he was being subtle, which went in vain as I'm not really good in recognizimg when people are interested in me. When I noticed, I thought it was just a joke between our mutual friends as I'd never think he could be interested in me. What's making me frustrated is, that he apparently was trying to seduce me and when I realized my feelings, he found out with whom his ex cheated on him and realized he's not entirely over that.

So I developed my feelings for fucking nothing. And since we had a talk, where I told him I don't do friends with benefits, we kinda mutually agreed not to try it now as I respect, that he's not ready for a relationship.

Now over a year passed since that talk, which could maybe, just maybe, mean, that he gotten over that and is trying to get me once again and that thought eats me from inside. But he behaves still in the same way like when he was trying to get me, which makes me question everything. I soo want to pour my heart to him but I don't want to ruin our hardly cultivated friendship.

As I never really confessed my feelings for him properly, I ponder what would happen if I confessed now. Though I'm a coward and I know myself well enough to know I'll never get enough courage to do that. The best I could muster, was to ask him for a help, which needed just the two of us to meet. But I came home from that meeting pretty disillusioned as it felt like two friends meeting, not a date. And I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I should rather keep my feelings secret or confess and hope for the best. I'm not even sure he noticed me being interested in him. Yet I still hope we could try it. I hate this uneasiness. I hate myself being uneasy.

I just needed to get it off of my chest, that's the sole purpose of this post.

If anyone sees it more clearly than me, can you pls tell me if I'm just blind or he really has no interest in me?

[vettany2]

Not me here squealing and wheezing cuz two guys getting married in a drama 😂

This was so sweet, I can defo recommend this series 😀 God I love them so freaking much 😍😍😍

[vettany2]

I just can't believe it. I wrote a 4page essay for my subject at uni. I wrote it in 2 hrs cuz I had to make a deadline, which I missed by 1 minute. It was the worst essay I ever wrote.

IT FUCKING PASSED!!!

As a fanfic writer, I feel so ashamed for what I submitted both in form and in grammar and stylistic. No quotation of some academic texts, no quoting from the main source. Just one book as a main source and one web page that can hardly be counted as a proper source. I had no time to read it after writing it. But it passed anyway :D

[vettany2]

Another of my favorites from this year. This was inspired by some of my favorite streamers/YouTubers who cycled across Hokkaido, Japan for charity and raised 316k dollars for the Immune Deficiency Foundation!

[vettany2]

Yes, it's my uni exam period rn.

Yes, I should study for my exams.

And yes, I wrote a new fanfic instead of working on my essay.

So for all Petriáš fans out there, I present u...

A fanfic!

[vettany2]

any Magnum/Higgins fanfiction in the works?

Got one idea but sadly no inspo for finalizing the story plot. I'll try to work on it soon tho 😀

[vettany2]

Do you accept fanfic prompts to write?

I'm all ears for any prompt 😀

[vettany2]

A few of my thoughts on Helluva Boss I need to get off my chest. Contains hella lots of spoilers (ofc).

As I finished the current season one and two eps from season two twice, I can see some things I didn't get earlier.

1. Millie and Moxxie

These two are really nicely presented as an ideal couple (ngl I'm jealous). Moxxie kinda gets his own arc more or less solved. I'd be interested on seeing more of Millie tho. She kinda only seconds Moxxie and has no other prominent role, which is a shame cuz that gurl deserves it. So far their relationship was harmonic and with the sneam peek on a possible Moxxie's ex boyfriend, I'd be interested in a marriage crisis arc of these two imps.

2. Loona and Octavia

In the last episode, it seemed like these two girls bonded over their fathers' fuckups and I'd like to see them helping each other in the tough situations they both are. Loona needs to learn how to rely on people and how to open to Blitzø more as he genuinely likes her (though more on that later). Octavia has to face her family being torn apart mainly cuz of her abusive mother tormenting her husband. Thankfully Stolas tries to assure her he's gonna be always there for her, which seems to work better on her depression. But having a friend in the same situation could help emotionally both girls.

3. Stella

She's a bitch. That's a fact. But sadly there's nothing, that would tell us why she is the way she is. Is it just the way she was brought up? Did she grow up in a toxic environment, that forced her to try and prove others that she's the one who has a high status? Or her personality is simply that bad on its own? I have a lot of questions regarding Stella and eventhough she's not very lovable character, I believe she is not that evil just because. I think there is some kind of reason, being it her upbringing or a toxic parent or anger issues. Which kinda makes me want some kind of character expansion of her.

4. Stolas

The last few episodes kinda took Stolas from the Supporting character realm and put him to the front, among the main characters. He loevs Blitzø but since Blitzø is more or less showing him he's not emotionally involved into their relationship, Stolas gets the idea that his love is not reciprocated. When the season one ends on a cliffhanger, leaving Stolas heartbroken and rejected, it appears as if Stolas decided to let Blitzø go for good. And I honestly don't know what to think about it. On one hand I get that Stolas is trying to release himself from all those years of various toxic relationships and I support that very much. He deserves to be happy and finally have a normal, loving and intimate relationship. On the other hand, he doesn't show Blitzø his own feelings, probably because he's scared he could lose the dysfunctional connection they share. He's just a very emotionally scarred and touch/emotion/connection starved insecure individual.

5. And finally... Blitzø

The main character turned out to be the most complicated one. At first he appeares to be a sarcastic, egoistical and killing-loving asshole. But he's so much more than that. His relationships are all a mess, mainly cuz of his internal issues. He is overprotective of Loona, partly because he loves her as a daughter, partly because he unconsciously uses her as a means to get some kind of emotional connection to feel loved even a bit. That's also obvious when he's forced to play in a tv show in the s2e2 and is supposed to give the dog to the hands of a girl but he suddenly gets overly attached to the dog and is scared to let him go as other people could hurt him like other people hurt Blitzø. That scene clearly shows Blitzø is not okay. He spies on MxM because he's fascinated/jealous of their idyllic relationship and craves that kind of intimacy. This also shows he's scared to get close to other people because all of his relationships ended up being either toxic or a failure. His ex Verosica or former friend Fizzarolli are a nice example of currently known failed relationships. Lots of reasons as to why he ended up this way is not even known because we got to know only his father, who practically abused him and used him to steal from stolas (and maybe more). We don't know what relationship he has with his sister and we know nothing about his mother. Also then there's the debate on his white spots. I believe because of those shapes and quantity, that they're scars and that he got then in some kind of na accident. In the Acid dream, it is shown that his mind is a chaotic messed up shit, that need some serious improvement and in the first episode he declares he regularly visits a therapist. Which makes me wonder how messed up he was before current events.

6. Blitzø and Stolas

Blitzø's relationship (if we can call it like that) with Stolas is just a giant clusterfuck of a mess (apparently like everything in Blitzø's life). They both declare they basically just use each other for personal gain, while both crave intimacy. Stolas is crushing over Blitzø and after watching everythimg for the second time, it's apparent he bends into everything he thinks Blitzø likes (i.e. dirty talk, kinks, etc.). When Blitzø asks him out on a date (sort of), he's genuinely happy and hopes for them to move into a serious relationship direction, which is why he's so devastated when he sees the lack of Blitzø's interest and realizes he used him yet again. And that makes him to seemingly decide to leave him for good. And Blitzø is once again just ruining everything because of his problem with letting people get close to him. He's scared of letting Stolas close to him. He's scared of what others will think of him for having sex with a prince (and Stolas not defending them doesn't help at all). And so he doesn't show Stolas that he cares for him. He doesn't show Stolas that he's interested in him. Seriously, these two are a prime example of #mutual pining and #idiots in love tags. They need some kind of a crisis to pull them out of their overprotective shells, man up and spill their confessions. To which Stolas leaving Blitzø could be a possible opportunity, though I'm scared that they both could just assume things didn't work out between then and move on, which we don't want to. They need to heal separately and together first to have the type of ideal and loving intimate relationship they both so desire. But first, Blitzø needs to be honest and Stolas more confident.

That's the end of my rant. I'm curious as to what the show has to offer because it's hella good and we like that. Comment ur Helluva Boss theories and ideas down below, I'd like to know other people's opinions on the characters and their dynamics as well.

[vettany2]

Any Petriáš fans there? If yes, I wrote this short story in czech, feel free to check it out 😀

[vettany2]

Aww my poor Higgins 😭😭😭 we love u so much

This whole episode was just me cringing over the poor Higgins having his hopes crushed to dust

[vettany2]

Top 10 fanfics I've written for the MarcoAce pairing

10. A Surprise Under The Cherries

post-marriage au and a long distance relationship

This one was a part of a spring challenge (as well as some others on this list) but it was really difficult to come up with a concept for the prompt. As I was writing it, I was thinking "is this even right?" "Should I keep it like this?". In the end it was not as bad I thought but it was no fun writing either.

9. A Wish Come True

high school au

This was better as I had the concept in my head immediately after reading the prompt. Tho I was sad I couldn't make it longer, I felt that if I stretched it a bit more, it would lose it's magic (or what). But it is pretty short according to my standards so I can’t give it a higher position.

8. Special Easter Egg Hunt

modern world au and a confession au

Coming up with this concept was hella difficult but it turned out quite entertaining to write. Can't help, domestic Whitebeard Family is always a pleasure to write. And nervous Marco as well.

7. Unintended Double Date

modern world au and (as the title suggests) unintended double date ft. Lawlu

Coming up with this concept was more fun that writing it. Still, I'm quite pleased with the result. I like the bonding of Marco and Law over their crazy boyfriends.

6. Øtchi

close friends and a modern world au

This was such a weird mood when I was writing this one. Marco and Ace are odd fellas since I can imagine them in almost every scenario. And so it didn't feel wrong for them being close friends. Tho I like the last date part more than the rest of the fic :D

5. It's (Not) Mutual

soulmate au, canon setting

Eventhough this is my top ranked marace fanfic in terms of hits and kudos, I struggled with like a half of the fanfic. I was deep in Soulmate AU rabbithole and wanted to write sth similar. And I think it's apparent from the writing that it's kind of forced. Nevermind.

4. You And Your Damn Freckles Are At Fault!

uni teachers au 

As I accidentally stumbled upon the prompt for this fanfic, I knew this would be a hit. Marco and Ace being teachers just made my heart flutter and when we add Marco's mistaking Ace as a student into the mix, my god, what a funny fanfic. The only thing dragging this fic down is that someone wrote for that prompt before me and I tried too hard to make this fic not as similar as theirs (cuz we dumb and we read it before writing mine).

3. Daily Flowers

modern world + coworkers au

Yet another of my Spring challenge fics. This one is my all time favourite out of them. Since it was linked to spring, I thought, flowers ofc. Since I know many ppl suffer from pollen allergy, I thought, that could be original. Then I thought, maybe I could sprinkle some flower language and the fic basically wrote itself. It was so much fun cuz office romance offers quite a lot of ideas. Hence the fic grabbing the third place. 

2. One Heroical Act Was All It Took

accidental meeting and a modern world au

The concept for this fic was basically me rewriting a dream I had. It was supposed to be very angsty and a bit scary as well which I tink I accomplished. Even if I don’t believe in love at first sight, it fit this fic well and I love this story very dearly. 

1. It All Started With A Bet

hospital au

And here we have the winner. It’s not only my most favourite fic but it’s also my first marace fic ever written. Everything about this fic is just perfect, the use of language, the way I structured the plot, the way I portrayed the characters... I just love this story very much. It has the right amount of angst, but still is more lighthearted than the previous one. I’m sad this fic is not as popular as I’d wish but that’s maybe because of the setting. Hospital and serious injures aren’t exactly fan favourites. Still, if you like marace, give this story a shot.

There were some more fics I had to leave out as I’m not as happy with them but still, if you feel like checking out any of the fics listed here, it will make me happy. If you feel like it, leave a comment as well.

[vettany2]

It's (not) mutual! - vettany2 - One Piece [Archive of Our Own]

Another Marace fanfic, with a soulmate topic this time. I tried to make the usual heavy prompt a bit funny. Hopefully you'll like it.

Feel free to check it out 🙏🙏🙏