vettel25

[vettel25]

made a joke about how to know me is to know the customisation id take on a Louise Carmen and then the person who knows me better than anyone else insinuated I should do three stem subjects because I "love them" and I think if to be loved is to be known then im missing out on key human condition components

[vettel25]

oh shit i have like 40 followers i dont check my sats much, hey gang ! whats up !

[vettel25]

highly "idealised" version of myself (I dont even own hoops that big and I have a less Twink-y build than that but that's hardly a product of my ideals)(no offence)

Current obsession is "Our wives under the sea" by Julia Armfield which is a fantastic book. My best friend read it to me but neglected to tell me it was a horror so I'm now awake contemplating that ending and the centre and the neighbours and leah and and and.

Unfortunately I dont really keep mutuals on this blog (and I keep my friends away from it despite a few of them asking about it. a lot.) so, open tag I suppose!

cute thing im coming up with

this picrew of yourself and your current hyperfixation !!

no pressure tags @pearlzier @julesssyy @reidsfavoritegirl @whitney23317 @willowsblanket @flowercrownsandtrauma @rottenletter

[vettel25]

What will it take. What will it take for you to stop asking. For me to stop swatting your hands off my skin tabs. When the sun bleeds below the horizon, meeting the metal of the moon, will that be enough for you? You ask me to let you in, to let you under. But I don't know how to tell you that when it starts, the bleeding doesn't stop. Not until you're in a flurry to put back what you peeled away. My muscles contract and relax like breathing lungs that won't settle no matter how much water logs them. It's not anything anyone wants to see. Especially not anyone I love so.

[vettel25]

apologies for inactivity loyal vettel25 followers (like actually no one) ive been happy! and started talking to the girl I was using this acc to stalk... uhmmmmmm...

[vettel25]

spent like three hours hand making elaborate silver jewellery using crystals I had in my collection that reminded me of the girl I was making it for. Just to cover my bases and not look like a shitty friend "hey what jewellery do you usually wear?"

minimalist. gold. small gold hoop earrings. gold chain bracelet. small gold necklace.

Im gonna. sighhhhhhhhh. im gonna. ughhhhhhhh

[vettel25]

im actually so giddy about this

apologies for the inactivity - the drummer punched me in the stomach the other day and the sun made a playlist that looked suspiciously aimed at me. been having mixed feelings, performing exorcisms (mostly on myself) et cetera et cetera, you know how it is?

[vettel25]

ok we're talking again expect sappy love poetry

apologies for the inactivity - the drummer punched me in the stomach the other day and the sun made a playlist that looked suspiciously aimed at me. been having mixed feelings, performing exorcisms (mostly on myself) et cetera et cetera, you know how it is?

[vettel25]

im gonna be sick she put spring into summer on the playlist

you are always someone I want, if you've somehow found me here. come home?

apologies for the inactivity - the drummer punched me in the stomach the other day and the sun made a playlist that looked suspiciously aimed at me. been having mixed feelings, performing exorcisms (mostly on myself) et cetera et cetera, you know how it is?

[vettel25]

apologies for the inactivity - the drummer punched me in the stomach the other day and the sun made a playlist that looked suspiciously aimed at me. been having mixed feelings, performing exorcisms (mostly on myself) et cetera et cetera, you know how it is?

[vettel25]

I'm not sure when it started, maybe it's always been there, but I know that at some point someone hurt me in a way that made me second guess every move everyone makes. I run my heavy hands over my relationships searching for cracks until it all chips, breaks and falls apart. Dust encrusts the life line on my palm, directly above the scar I got when I was 4. It’s honestly exhausting having to read every message five different ways, convincing myself that I'm not secretly alone and my friends mean it when they tell me they love me. I feel like a prey animal who kept living after having its heart eaten straight out of its chest, flies swarm the rotten flesh lining the hollow expanse there. I feel the ache and the space but it happened so young I don't remember what I'm missing, every breath punctured by damaged ribs and a pulse made of nothing. This emptiness has been with me since I was a kid and I spent so long fighting it, fighting myself, that I didn't realise that I was the only person who could ever understand it fully. I have spent so many years hating myself and trying to fill whatevers missing with sunshine and sugar that I haven't realised how everyone around me has noticed. You can add as many flowers to a grave as you'd like but it won't bring back the dead, the foxes can always smell the rot.

 One time I thought I'd find the person who could put everything back together inside me. She gently placed her hands inside me and cleared out the area. I thought she was preparing to fill it back up, seal it and let me live happily. Yet halfway through she withdrew her hands, dropped my stomach and walked away with blood spots stuck under her fingernails. 

[vettel25]

"I tried to tell him how it felt,, like blood from my wound dark-running into the spring next to us,, though that eloquence is reserved for the living so I stammered something else to that effect. he looked away,, "I think march is cold for everyone." - me, original work

[vettel25]

when fenne lily said "I still see you as some kind of reassurance that someday I'll be understood" // when the wallows said "I'm not in your head, can you help me understand?" // when boygenius said "I can't hide from you like I hide from myself" // when hozier said "I will not ask you why you were creeping in some sad way I already know"

[vettel25]

"she was so bad for you dude" you weren't there when the rain fell like stars, when she was stained golden and glowing like the sun. you don't know about the apartment in Edinburgh with the L-shaped sofa and cats and dogs and a marriage of convenience; she burns up and I sleep cold.

[vettel25]

I have insane writers block, does anyone feel like sending me ask prompts mayhaps?

[vettel25]

It’s difficult, to practice with you near,

To feel my finger string calluses

 and not use them to grace the lines of your lips,

I add love songs to the set list,

I watch you learn the rhythm of them,

I follow your beat and you tell the rest

“Turn up the bass, we need something to lead”

As if the whole band holds my hand blindly

 in the dark backseat of the tour van,

We share glances behind stage lights,

I see how you look at our singer, 

When she’s alone on stage she's beautiful 

The melody fills her like a flood of energy

I can’t deny that she’s a spectacle 

But I do wish you’d look at me the same.

Our hotel nights are my favourite, 

I’m always trying to get us back on tour,

You tell me there are some things you can’t

 leave behind. I don’t meet your eyes

There are some things I can’t

 say out loud.

[vettel25]

its valentines tomorrow and my present from the guy I'm fooling around with was confirmation that he's straight which means absolutely nothing good for you (reader of my shite poetry/webweave blog)