violetlumin

[violetlumin]

Poem 32

Jan. 1, 2024

Loving you was a chore

Your best is merely tolerable

Your conversation was a bore

Your temper is unmanageable

You gave less, yet expected more

Thankful this is over as

Loving you was a chore

[violetlumin]

Poem 31

Dec. 1, 2023

Night after night

I visit you

You cannot stay here

I cannot leave

Only ever to meet

At the border of consciousness

I know you

Yet you see a phantom

You don't recognize

Nor will remember

When the sun rises again

Doomed to admire you from afar

Counting the minutes till nightfall

When we may meet again

Please

For my sake

Call out my name

And forget me no more

[violetlumin]

11/30/23

Hi all. This is just a little prologue for my last poem of November. It's a long one.

First, thank y'all for all the likes and follows. I honestly wasn't expecting any of this to be seen. I appreciate y'all joining me in this poem writing journey.

Today is the last day of November, and the last day of my challenge. Although I may not write a poem everyday anymore, I'll still try to write one when I feel inspired. Maybe every other day. Maybe every week. Not sure yet. However, I will be keeping this account active.

I also want to use this Tumblr to post some of my art. I've had a Wacom tablet collecting dust for years now, and I'd like to use it to finally make the stories I've cooked up in my head come to life.

Please enjoy my last poem. To be honest..... I'm not even sure if this counts as one? It's quite long, and actually the first one I wrote. I'd like to make edits, but figured I'd post it as is. I wrote it at around 2am. Bear with me.

Poem 30

Nov. 30, 2023

I grieve for people I have not yet lost

For tragedies that have not yet passed

For stories that have not yet closed

For pain that has yet to be realized

Hellbent on hurting myself before the universe has the opportunity

Maybe it's to soften the blow?

I’m simply grieving the inevitable, no?

If my fantasies are indeed more tragic that my realities

The latter cannot hurt me

If my mind can be more cruel than fate

I have nothing to fear

Night after night I dream of the worst scenarios

Obsess over what could go wrong

Fight peace

Sleep with ghosts

Weighed down by the things I’m too weak to tell you

Death looms over me

An adversary of my own construction

I’ve looked into death’s eyes

And saw nothing

Absolutely devoid of meaning

Of emotion

No love

No malice

Not as though it could distinguish the two, anyway

The thought itself is suffocating

I miss you but you’re still here

I loathe the thought of the world spinning in my absence

I may choke on my own thoughts

I’d hate to make you worry over nothing

But what if it’s not nothing this time?

What if it’s NOT nothing this time?

Your reassurance does nothing to quell my fears

It’s not rational

I know it’s not

Something awoke inside me that day

That simply cannot be put back to rest

So I lie with it

Night after night

Even our happy times are now tinged with sadness

I am consumed by the realization that this cannot last forever

That one night will be the last night you’ll rest beside me

That, try as I might, I can’t hold onto this forever

Is it selfish to ask you to stay here?

To stay chained to me forever?

To follow me for eternity?

To drown with me?

I desperately want you to make promises to me that you can’t keep

The small voice in the back of my head has become loud and incessant

I want you to have the peace I can’t seem to find

Truth is

I will never be satisfied

No matter the amount of time I cherish with you

I’ll be bitter over the time missed

Ten days

Ten years

Ten decades

It makes no difference to me

Anything less than an eternity is a slight

So I soak in my bitterness

Night after night

I ache thinking of what you’d do

If I left this realm before you

How your feeling for me may fade

How one day you’ll seldom think of me

How the void I left may one day be filled

How you may one day forget how I made you complete

How many true loves can you have in one lifetime?

For my own sake

I hope to God

It’s only one

May no one else ever pour into your well

I admit

I hope you suffer in my absence

I hope my memory consumes you

I hope my ghost haunts you

That our paths end at the same point

That you may never quite reach the peaks you did with me

That you can be content, but never truly happy again

That you carry me with you forever

That you act as if I’m still there

That you still love me

That you can never escape me

I don’t want you to love anyone else

The way you love me

How deranged, right?

Your love inspires me to be incredibly selfish

To want the worst for you

Because it works best for me

So I revel in my hateful thoughts

Night after night

Praying to none

That you never recognize

The darkness sat beside you

[violetlumin]

Poem 29

Nov. 29, 2023

Despite my misgivings

Out of love

I partook in your charade

So many ugly things I'd like to tell you

But never did

Fearing what you would do

As unpredictable and drastic as you are

But now I realize

That the girl I love passed long ago

So who would I be losing

By admitting I despise you?

I've already mourned for you

The version I cared for, at least

I don't recognize the shadow knocking at my door

Tears welling beneath your hollow gaze

You’ve disappointed me one too many times

You’ve embarrassed me one too many times

You've disgusted me one too many times

Ah, but this is what I get

For taking in a mutt

And expecting a lady

[violetlumin]

Poem 28

Nov. 28, 2023

Long nights

Short chats

Clear intentions

Distorted music

Strong drinks

Weak wills

Dark rooms

Light heads

Twisted desires

Straight business

Clean sheets

Filthy desires

Cold hearts

Warm bodies

Tasteful makeup

Trashy men

Skimpy outfits

Modest tips

Welcome to the city of hedonism

[violetlumin]

Poem 27

Nov. 27, 2023

Something is off

I think

The flowers here have no scent

The sky here is far too narrow

I eat but never feel full

I sip but can’t quite swallow

Rigid objects are fluid

Fluid objects melt away

The ground I walk on continually shifts

When I squint my vision blurs

All I grasp disintegrates

There’s a crater where my lungs should be

When I reach out to touch you

Your recoil in disgust

I think

Something is not right

[violetlumin]

Poem 26

Nov. 26, 2023

Confuse me when I should be reassured

Covering your tracks when you should be tending to my wounds

Screaming when your voice should be soft

Sardonic when you should be remorseful

Doubling down when you should just confess

Doubt me when it’s you who’s not to be believed

Vocal when you should be silent

Violent when you should be apologetic

Crying when it was I that was duped

Cowardly, to the very end

[violetlumin]

Poem 25

Nov. 25, 2023

It made me feel special

That only I was allowed

To open you up and explore

The tender contents of your soul

It made me feel wanted

That only I was allowed

To wander through the chaotic labyrinth

Hidden behind closed doors

It made me feel needed

That only I was allowed

To witness your buried weakness

Tears rolling down your stone face

I want to reacquaint myself with

The person I used to know

[violetlumin]

Poem 24

Nov. 24, 2023

Doubt is the killer of dreams

But some dreams deserve to die

Eyes spins while hope picks your pockets

Evening after evening wasted trading

Hundreds for twenties

Twenties for fives

Fives for ones

Bills for nickels

Determination for defeat

But one lucky call

Makes the last twenty fouls worth it, no?

Wasting away in a fool’s paradise

The tart flavor of yesterday’s mistakes

Still lingers on your tongue

Masked only by the taste of today’s aspirations

Cause don’t you know?

Today’s YOUR day

[violetlumin]

Poem 23

Nov. 23, 2023

No words quite describe the feeling

Of watching your body walk away from you

Skin pulled back like peel

Muscle unravelled like rope

Bone brittle and bruised

Ego equally so

A decrepit machine still staggering forward

Powered only by spite

A hopeless soul shackled to a decaying shell

That it can no longer control

[violetlumin]

Poem 22

Nov. 22, 2023

Don't cry

Still your tears in the back of your throat

Don't speak

Roll those bitter words on your tongue into pearls

Don't think

Bury those vile thoughts and let them rot in the back of your mind

Shards of your glass skin can be repurposed

The knots in your stomach make beautiful macrame

You brought this upon yourself

So who are you to be so sour?

[violetlumin]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

[violetlumin]

Poem 21

Nov. 21, 2023

I can’t scrape this awful taste

Out of my mouth

You saw light

I saw fire

Marble is cold, fragile,

And stains easy anyways

Gold can be tarnished

And only hardens with impurities

Glass is prone to shattering

Trumpets are too loud

I'm not interested

[violetlumin]

25 posts!

[violetlumin]

Poem 20

Nov. 20, 2023

What a glorious creature

Agile, despite her size

Playful, despite her age

Fearless, despite her falls

Curious, despite her confinement

Plush body perched on cold windowsills

But eyes wander far beyond these walls

Blades of grass weeping on a gloomy day

Dandelions offering their offspring to the wind

Light reuniting with earth on stormy nights

Colors of the sky bleeding into one another

All of it equally enchanting

To this precious little creature

[violetlumin]

Poem 19

Nov. 19, 2023

I’m sure you realize that

If what I’ve buried was something I could share

I would have by now

Putting feelings into words

Is to acknowledge them

Something I categorically refuse to do

An ill-defined mess can’t be deciphered

But if I start tracing shapes

You may see something you'd want to forget

If I don’t name my demons

I can dismiss them as strangers

If I blur the text

None else can read it

If I smudge the lines

Forms stay vague

Your instincts aren’t as refined as you’d like to believe

Your intuition fails you

A poor judge of character

You miscalculated

Again

Let me take you

To the place secrets sleep

[violetlumin]

Poem 18

Nov. 18, 2023

Sui Generis

Beings unable

To be perceived by man

Consumed by boredom

Interfere

Twisted figures

Hands bathed in fire

Pick at the seams

Pry

Pierce the skies

And callously spit

At the creatures below

Ridicule

Disconcerting forms

Laugh amongst themselves

As harmony gives way to discord

Cruelly

Pound the land

Stroke the sea

Churn the air

Ah

What misfortune

To be subject

To their fickle wills