visd3stele

[visd3stele]

HC that Theo will absent mindedly clasp at the skin over his heart. Doesn’t even realise he’s going it. T-Shirt, Hoodie, Bare-skin it doesn’t matter his right hand will pop up and just sorta hold on.

[visd3stele]

oh my!! i love everything about this!

i agree it's the pack's pov, but still it felt cruel and vindictive more than something mason – and the pack – just believes in. as you said, they know it's not the case because it happened with malia too. and if i remember correctly, scott and isaac had to actively learn how to do it too. it didn't just come to them.

unpopular opinion, buy i don't think theo couldn't take mason's pain because he didn't care. he didn't know how. it's something thag takes practice, just like a full shift or control during the full moon. but i expect the dread doctors didn't care much for his taking pain abilities. it's obvious that he's trying, he wants to do it, he cares. but he's never done it, so...

[visd3stele]

[visd3stele]

I have no outline tho, just vibes

[visd3stele]

unpopular opinion, buy i don't think theo couldn't take mason's pain because he didn't care. he didn't know how. it's something thag takes practice, just like a full shift or control during the full moon. but i expect the dread doctors didn't care much for his taking pain abilities. it's obvious that he's trying, he wants to do it, he cares. but he's never done it, so...

[visd3stele]

aww, thank you

the tragedy that is the chimeras pack keeps me up at night.

theo - who only wanted a pack. he needed people to call his, ne craved community even if he might not have realized it. sure, he is a control freak and couldn't join scott's pack even if they allowed it, he needs to be the on in charge. he can only trust himself to make decissions that'll keep him alive. keep them alive. his pack. the one whose presence makes him stronger, the ones whose company and loyalty he'll have, the ones he brought back to life, carefully selected and taught how to control their powers. the ones who fought for him – with him – thr ones whose presence he came to enjoy, if only the warm feeling they provided had a word in theo's vocabulary.

only for his fear to overpower everything. the need for power, that stem for fear, made him act irrational. the thing he feared, losing control, happened exactly how he didn't want to. if he had a second more to think, to think for himself, whitout the pressure of deucalion, theo wouldn't have killed josh. nor tracy. a pack is all he wanted, but he was made for power. literally. he was brought up through violence and for violence. kill or be killed. and deucalion was telling him he'll be killed if he doesn't take his pack's power through murder. just like years ago the doctors told him he'll die if he doesn't let his sister take his place in the reaper's scythe.

and old habbits die hard, especially when you have no one to help you stay on the path you chose for yourself. so theo succumbed to it. he lost the pack, he lost himself. he had everything he wanted, then he lost it all. he took it from himself.

josh - who consumed. who has been turned against his will and lost even that way of escapism. and maybe his body now heals fast, but the mind is a different matter. take drugs from an addict and he'll go through whitdrawal just the same, supernatural or not. josh who found himself thrust in a pack without even knowing what that is, with an Alpha he was afraid to trust.

but then the Alpha showed him his powers can be a blessing. he can control it. he can ride the high of electricity and it was better than everything he tried before. and maybe the boy with too much gel in his hair and green eyes that looked brown in the shadows cared for him like his family should have. he noticed when his control slipped, when all he needed was to feel like he belonged. and maybe his Alpha didn't know the feeling either, but in his own broken way, he made a family out of the chimeras.

josh began to feel like he found his place. like he was wanted, needed, maybe even cherrished. he begin to let himself trust. let himself love these people he called pack, but were a family. and then he lost it all again. the same hands that brough him back plunged him back in his grave, the same face that greeted him when he woke up from death was the same that closed his eyes and josh couldn't even cry. or scream. or rage. in a blink of his eyes, before he could even feel betrayed or register the loss of things he lost hope to even dare wish for a long time ago, he got to feel nothing again.

tracy - who lived in fear of her own mind all her life. her mind and the darkness it hid, her mind and the darkness and the shadows that hid monsters in the corners of her eyes. only to then become the monster in the shadows. the darkness people fear. her mind felt quiet for once and she could feel the anger the seethed behind her fear.

she made mistakes, she killed her father. she wished to be dead from guilt eating her alive. then she was dead. and then she wasn't anymore. she was given a second chance and she was in control this time. she was taught to be. and she was going to take advantage of that and not let her second life go to waste.

she knew she had potential way before, but fear paralyzed her. funny. she was the one to do the paralyzing now. and theo recognized the potential in her. she found herself amongst people who could look at her and see the monster she became, but the girl she is too. they were one and here, down in the sewers, with her pack, she could believe it. everything was fine. she was fine.

she knew she got too attached to theo, unhealthy so. but she never felt that before. she wouldn't allow herself to be noticed. to make herself noticeable. and with theo she didn't have to overthink it. she just was. so she let herself be. let herself find her own self.

these people, cory and josh and hayden and theo weren't calling her crazy. weren't making her feel bad for her nightmares, they all had them. these people were hers and she liked that. then she dared act on her feelings for once. act brave. kissing a boy she liked. old tracy would have never. and maybe old tracy was right, because this tracy was punished for it. she was killed. a second time. thrown into darkness, but this time, she knew she won't escape it.

hayden - was the lucky one. lucky enough to have the beta of the tru Alpha love her. lucky enough to be a front though in scott mccal's mind. deucalion pusher her away. towards safety. towards a pack that knew what was doing. a pack just as broken as hers, but whose members knew how to put the pieces back together.

her own pack only knew hot to pick the pieces up and hug them tight, jarring and cutting and bleeding. and maybe hayden could appreciate that. maybe she could admit she trusted them. theo even. in his own twisted way, he cared for and protected them. sure, only them, but maybe a dark part in hayden liked that. to be cared for more than others, her and corey and josh and tracy mattered more. scott's pack mattered to him more than the light of his eyes, but everyone else mattered too. with theo, them 5 (five) were the only important ones.

but she wasn't brought up like that. the allure of it was powerful, but she refused to be weak. and deucalion gave her the push in the right direction. she hated theo for a while, but then she left beacon hills. all this supernatural stuff – stuff she got curious about, stuff a strong part of her wanted to part of – felt easier to navigate with theo. he made her feel secure in a way scott couldn't. maybe it was the ferocity of it all. the fireceness she recognized in herself too. who'd do anything, dirtying one's hands if need be, to protect the few people that mattered. and her sister was part of those, by extention, of course.

so hayden, from far away, maybe regreted what could have been. a harder life, but maybe there was a wildness in her, maybe it was always there or she gained it after death, but that part sought adventures she knew would now be lost.

corey – who had trouble keeping people around. who pushed people away when they got too close and he felt too loved. he didnt't want to get about why that was. it was just his way. corey who then died something he wasn't born as, then brought back to be yet something else.

corey who, despite himself, got attached. hard not to, with josh's easy-going antics, with tracy's cool sterness, like a big sister who'd always be there like an anchor, with hayden who was so normal, too normal, it made her stand out, but corey clung to it. and finally, theo. theo who declared himself the Alpha and tought corey to fight, to embrace this new thing he became, to control these powers that made him feel like a super hero from the comics that kept him stable when he felt his life was falling apart.

they weren't heroes, corey learned soon enough. they weren't helping anyone without a price and only cared for their own, but corey felt safe. happy. he had a place, a people whom he knew couldn't push away no matter how hard he tried. he had a pack. and he liked that.

he still didn't aprove of their Alpha's methods. he wasn't as easily swayed by the dark side. but he'll let it go for now. he thought he had time to bring forth that good side he knew theo had in him – saw it when he saved corey despite it jeopardizing the mission, saw it when theo helped them even when it wasn't about the fight. and then maybe they'll be like the mccall pack. they just needed to get over this Beast stuff.

corey didn't know what a pack was supposed to be like, but his broken, barely stittced together one, he liked. theo may not be the greatest leader, nor a good one, at least, but corey saw a bit of his own struggles in him and he understood. the need to keep people away, push them away even, the need of connection, but the yet greatest fear of it too. corey didn't know how to help himself, much less theo. but he felt comforted by what they shared.

they didn't talk much about feelings in the pack, but it was weird how one look, one passing smile, one "take a break, well done" or a rare hug – theo were never part of those, but corey could be patient – conveyed more than words could. words were needed, but corey could wait. they had time. for once, corey wasn't going anywhere and neither were the people surrounding him.

until they didn't have time anymore. theo killed josh and tracy and corey fled. hayden became scott's beta and theo was sent to hell and corey wasn't exactly alone, he had mason. but there was a chimera pack ache in his heart that couldn't be ailed. he felt them missing, he mourned what could have been and even after theo came back and he seemed changed, closer to admit to what corey had seen in him, corey couldn't bring himself to talk to him.

he forgave him, corey thought. but he was the phisical reminder of what corey lost. and corey was not ready to face that. maybe never will be. maybe he'll always stray away from his Alpha, unable to make amends with how they were the only two left of the chimera pack.

[visd3stele]

🥺🥺

thank you!

this is my ao3 page. first teen wolf story. a bit of thiam, a bit of trauma, lots of angst. hope you'll like it

Theo Raeken is used to pain. Theo Raeken is used to being cut open. Repeatedly. Excessively. So what could a chimera do to feel like home when he feels he's lost in foreign territory? He takes charge of his own pain. He becomes the hand that cuts. Naturally.

Cue Liam Dunbar, ready to help.

[visd3stele]

thank you so much!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽

this is my ao3 page. first teen wolf story. a bit of thiam, a bit of trauma, lots of angst. hope you'll like it

Theo Raeken is used to pain. Theo Raeken is used to being cut open. Repeatedly. Excessively. So what could a chimera do to feel like home when he feels he's lost in foreign territory? He takes charge of his own pain. He becomes the hand that cuts. Naturally.

Cue Liam Dunbar, ready to help.

[visd3stele]

snow’s “I hate mockingjays because they exist despite the capitol’s intent” and maysilee’s “I hate mockingjays because they’re part mutt and I dont want anything that has to do with the capitol” and haymich’s “I think they’re resilient and stand for surviving against all odds” and katniss’s “mockingjays remind me of my father and the other district 12 tributes before me and though they mean resistance to others, nobody can take that away from me” which brings us back to lucy gray’s “nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping”

[visd3stele]

this is my ao3 page. first teen wolf story. a bit of thiam, a bit of trauma, lots of angst. hope you'll like it

Theo Raeken is used to pain. Theo Raeken is used to being cut open. Repeatedly. Excessively. So what could a chimera do to feel like home when he feels he's lost in foreign territory? He takes charge of his own pain. He becomes the hand that cuts. Naturally.

Cue Liam Dunbar, ready to help.

[visd3stele]

back with my evil thoughts on theo's horrors, this time presenting to you . . . hospital imagery

imagine you're a sick child – asthma, heart issues, you name it, theo has it. you exist in the hospital. since the moment he developed a conscious menory, all theo can remember is the smell of medicine, the blinding artificialness of white lights, the neverneding corridors that all look the same, but baby theo knows them all by heart like a labyrinth he designed. and maybe he did. the place was made for him and who else could do it if not himself.

even before he could remember, theo's life was in the hospital. he lived on those now-up-now-down beds, dressed in those flimsy hospital clothes that always itched and made him feel dirty. he didn't go home or to school. he vacationed there. the hospital was his house. was where he did his homeworks and sometimes - more often than not - where he attended classes, 'cause he was too sick and unstable (phisically speaking for now) to be allowed out.

the operating table was his slide, the scalpels – his toys, the masked faces hovering over him – his friends. the caffeteria was his park, he got to meet other sick kids there.

but then he's on an operating table again, masked faces click-click-clacking over his body. he gets a new heart, new powers. he is something new. but nothing much changes. everything changes.

the same medicine smell, the same artificial light, the same scalpels and their cold bite.

different smells, dangerous smells, putrid and acrid smells. yellow and green lights, dim lights, blinding only when the doctors wanted them to be. scalpels cutting, operations ongoing, sometimes without a break. no anesthesia, not even local. always conscious.

sometimes they'd talk to him, the doctors. teach him anatomy, chemistry, phisics, basic biology, supernatural biology, myths and legends that proved to be true.

sometimes they'd talk to him in a language theo couldn't understand, but quickly learned. than another one. and yet another more. french, latin, german. he knew them all. and he learned them from the operating theatre, just like he learned that the earth is round and what the correct form of the verb "to be" was from his hospital bed.

he didn't have a bed anymore, but it's alright. the scenery was familiar enough. it was still home. just rotten now, like his soul.

then he's sent to his own personal hell. in the hospital he so well knows. the smells are how he remembers them, the corridors lead to the where they're supposed to, the lights are a bit off, maybe a malfunction, but everything else is -

- nope. that's new. the sister crawling towards him. the sister clawing through him. over and over again. sometimes theo'd take a walk and wait for tara to catch him, she always does. sometimes he'd have an aim. a place he misses he wants to see again. the caffeteria where he played with the sick kids. sick like him. not sick like him. sometimes he'd try to run, but in those times, he becomes painfully aware he didn't design this labyrinth. tara did.

he lived in the hospital. changed in the hospital and died in the hospital. operation after operation until he became numb to it. patient. experiment. inmate. home, cage, prison. and yet, that artificial light blinding him is all he's ever knows in his artificial life.

[visd3stele]

don't know how popular this opinion is, because i've seen a great amount of fics where theo had good relationship with his family before the dread doctors or at least he had a good relationship with tara. but hear me out on this one. what if he hadn't.

what if they were just two children who had fought all of the time about even smallest things and always causing their parents headache. they hadn't really get along. but that doesn't mean that they didn't love each other, because sometimes that's what siblings do. and very often it's getting better with time, getting better with growing up. but theo and tara never had that time.

and just imagine that they had fight the day tara died (not something extraordinary, just the usual stupid fight). but when tara fell, one part of theo still was angry at her and didn't want to help her because again he was just a child who had no idea that she's going to die. and than than dread doctors did what they did.

and just imagine theo had her heart and every minute of his existence he's going remember that the last thing they were doing together were fighting. he's going to hate every single part of him who for that fucking second wanted to hurt tara. because when he realised that she's gone, he would give anything to get her back.

imagine that all the dread doctors had to do was subtly suggest that his parents were disappointed in him and hated him for what he did, and theo wouldn't even consider returning home. imagine the dread doctors manipulating him in all that fear of becoming another disappointment, another failure, to them that time. imagine theo doing all that terrible things believing he doesn't worth any better.

imagine theo having his sister's heart and every fucking moment thinking that she wouldn't want him to have it. it's not just hell who twisted his mind, it's what was growing there for years. that image of tara taking away hi her heart was hunting him years before hell. but with time he learnt how to shut that up, how to focus only on survival, only on doing what the dread doctors wanted him to do.

imagine theo getting out of hell and trying to redeem, trying to remember what it was like before all of this, trying to remember how to feel again. imagine him thinking he didn't deserve forgiveness because he killed his sister and what kind of monster do that shit for the stupid fight the reason of which he can't even remember. imagine theo standing in the place where tara died after all those years, again and again trying to avoid the memories from hell, trying to understand what would she think about his life now and realising he doesn't have even a slightest clue. because he lived without her more than with her. because he blocked every memory they had together for too long being too scared to face it. because when she was alive he spent time fighting with her instead of trying to know her. and there's nothing he can do about it now. and nothing can ever change it. because she's dead. and it's his fault.

[visd3stele]

In the scene with Theo’s fake parents, I think the way he speaks to them is really interesting. He’s not playing the normal, kind boy trying to help the pack, but he’s still playing a role; he seems to be imitating the Dread Doctors.

He uses passive voice (“You were told” instead of “I told you”) to put distance between himself and the situation like the Doctors do. It also puts all of the onus on the “you.” It makes them seem more like an inevitable force instead of people choosing their actions. In an interview, Cody talked about how villains don’t think they’re the villain and how Theo does what he thinks is necessary, which goes along with that. The man didn’t follow orders, so Theo is just giving him the natural consequence of his actions. Failed perfection.

His general vibe can come off as a bit sadistic in this scene, especially upon first watch, but I don’t think that’s the truth of it. He’s cold and not open to mercy; his voice is flat and leaves no room for argument. He’s expectant. It’s not really enjoyment. That flatness comes naturally for the Dread Doctors, who are genuinely apathetic and already covered with their suits and masks. It’s less natural on Theo. There’s almost certainly frustration beneath it, because Theo hates to lose, but that’s not the focus. This is just the process of things that the Doctors had ingrained in him for 8 years: you fail, you get fixed.

[visd3stele]

a good sailor will always return to the sea

[visd3stele]

“First and foremost I’m writing for myself,” I hiss through my teeth, resisting the urge to refresh my email for an Ao3 message for the 100th time.

[visd3stele]

writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

[visd3stele]

teen wolf fans listen up! if you’re a true fan name your favorite thiam moment!