vulpecular-draconic

[vulpecular-draconic]

a couple weeks ago, i had an instance of gender dysphoria and species dysphoria merging again — that’s something that hasn’t happened in a little while.

i had gotten a haircut, and was going to a party. i looked in the mirror at myself in my nice clothes, with my neatly cut new hair, and i didn’t like it. i didn’t look like me. i liked the outfit, how it fit, but the unkemptness my hair had added to the look when i first tried it on was gone. i was too polished and Nice. the new hair shape made me notice dysphoria over my jawline that had been hidden before, and i realized that i need to look more wild to look like myself.

i asked my grandmother to help me put on eyeliner & eyeshadow (i don’t have any of my own, nor practice putting it on). i wanted to go darker and shadowier. she kept telling me that i didn’t want to look like i had a costume on. i thought “but what if i do?” the “costume” would have felt more like me than i did now, but i didn’t say it. she also added some golden eyeshadow for some reason. i just wanted black.

the makeup made me feel a bit more wild, at least. but i still felt all wrong.

next time i get a haircut i’ll know to tell the barber that i want to look like i grew up in the woods.

[vulpecular-draconic]

i took the outdoor after school program I co-run to a local farm and it was like pulling teeth getting them out of the goat pasture when it was time to go and I said “I need all kids who aren’t goats to exit through the gate now” and this 10 year old said “what if I’m a therian” and without missing a beat I said “that’s fine but do you identify as a goat?” she seemed really surprised by that and she said “no.” so I said “then to the gate you go” and she scrambled

[vulpecular-draconic]

ohh, i may have just realized something else — the avian-person phantom limbs that i’ve talked about, that don’t seem to come with any nonhuman urges or mental shifts? that might be a trait specific to me being a shapeshifter. obviously i wouldn’t be in that shape all the time, as implied by “shapeshifter,” but i think there’s a genuine link there. i’ll have to think about this.

(link to a previous post for context.) 

this past month, i’ve been trying to define what i am. primarily through the lens of “what would i feel comfortable putting in a new intro post?” how do i want to describe myself? what things am i certain about?

i’m definitely alterhuman. besides phantom limbs, i just… don’t have a human-ish relationship with humanity. neither “i am human” nor “i am not human” feels accurate to me, currently. the phrase that feels best is “i am not quite human.” if i met an alterhuman in real life, i think i’d describe myself this way. i’ve tried to conceptualize exactly what the phrase means for me (percentages, metaphors), but anything specific like that feels wrong. it’s just that phrase with no clearer meaning as of yet.

as for ‘types/‘hearts i would feel comfortable putting in a intro post: 

1.) pearl fox, of course

2.) i’ve liked calling myself a monster since i can remember. i hadn’t considered it a kintype before because by the time the idea occurred to me, i was using the label of cryptid, and i thought it would be redundant. but “monster” is more broad, and i’ve liked it for longer (before i even knew about alterhumanity). i think i’m more comfortable introducing myself as a monster than as a cryptid. (unless i am specifically a cryptid that day, ofc.)

3.) similar to monster, i’ve never called myself a shapeshifter, even though i imagine myself as one literally every day and have for years. i avoided saying i was a shapeshifter for two reasons:

i thought of my daydreams as just an ideal reality that could accommodate me being polykin, instead of shapeshifting being an identity in of itself.

i assigned “changeling” to the role of “base identity that encompasses my other identities.” this doesn’t feel correct anymore, as changeling has a specific feeling in a way that shapeshifter doesn’t; it’s less transferable and doesn’t mesh with all the things i can be. (i’ve mentioned before how being a dragon and being a fae/changeling feel incompatible to me for some reason.) i’m still a changeling sometimes (for a couple days last week, in fact) but it doesn’t work as a broader label for me.

now that my identity feels more soupy, i’ve found that calling myself a shapeshifter in an alterhuman way feels amazing. i think the word describes my identity really well — fluid, and implying that i’m never quite human even when i don’t feel like anything else in particular. my soul is a shapeshifter in the same way my soul is genderfluid, i think. another perk is that it doesn’t require a commitment to specific forms/kintypes; the process of trying to kin-firm creatures i knew i was at the moment always kinda stressed me out. i’ve seen a couple shapeshifters in the alterhuman community put their current forms in their intro posts alongside their more permanent ones, and i think that would be very helpful for me.

4.) oh, i’m also definitely still cecil-hearted. i don’t think that’s going anywhere for a while. if i could physically shapeshift, i would absolutely love to shift into my mental image of him every once in a while.

so yeah! expect a new intro post soon-ish with this new info. 

[vulpecular-draconic]

(link to a previous post for context.) 

this past month, i’ve been trying to define what i am. primarily through the lens of “what would i feel comfortable putting in a new intro post?” how do i want to describe myself? what things am i certain about?

i’m definitely alterhuman. besides phantom limbs, i just… don’t have a human-ish relationship with humanity. neither “i am human” nor “i am not human” feels accurate to me, currently. the phrase that feels best is “i am not quite human.” if i met an alterhuman in real life, i think i’d describe myself this way. i’ve tried to conceptualize exactly what the phrase means for me (percentages, metaphors), but anything specific like that feels wrong. it’s just that phrase with no clearer meaning as of yet.

as for ‘types/‘hearts i would feel comfortable putting in a intro post: 

1.) pearl fox, of course

2.) i’ve liked calling myself a monster since i can remember. i hadn’t considered it a kintype before because by the time the idea occurred to me, i was using the label of cryptid, and i thought it would be redundant. but “monster” is more broad, and i’ve liked it for longer (before i even knew about alterhumanity). i think i’m more comfortable introducing myself as a monster than as a cryptid. (unless i am specifically a cryptid that day, ofc.)

3.) similar to monster, i’ve never called myself a shapeshifter, even though i imagine myself as one literally every day and have for years. i avoided saying i was a shapeshifter for two reasons:

i thought of my daydreams as just an ideal reality that could accommodate me being polykin, instead of shapeshifting being an identity in of itself.

i assigned “changeling” to the role of “base identity that encompasses my other identities.” this doesn’t feel correct anymore, as changeling has a specific feeling in a way that shapeshifter doesn’t; it’s less transferable and doesn’t mesh with all the things i can be. (i’ve mentioned before how being a dragon and being a fae/changeling feel incompatible to me for some reason.) i’m still a changeling sometimes (for a couple days last week, in fact) but it doesn’t work as a broader label for me.

now that my identity feels more soupy, i’ve found that calling myself a shapeshifter in an alterhuman way feels amazing. i think the word describes my identity really well — fluid, and implying that i’m never quite human even when i don’t feel like anything else in particular. my soul is a shapeshifter in the same way my soul is genderfluid, i think. another perk is that it doesn’t require a commitment to specific forms/kintypes; the process of trying to kin-firm creatures i knew i was at the moment always kinda stressed me out. i’ve seen a couple shapeshifters in the alterhuman community put their current forms in their intro posts alongside their more permanent ones, and i think that would be very helpful for me.

4.) oh, i’m also definitely still cecil-hearted. i don’t think that’s going anywhere for a while. if i could physically shapeshift, i would absolutely love to shift into my mental image of him every once in a while.

so yeah! expect a new intro post soon-ish with this new info. 

[vulpecular-draconic]

for the last several months, i’ve been letting myself actually hiss and growl and snarl when i’m startled and frustrated. i used to do it when i was 8-9, but my family made fun of me, so i stopped. i wish i never had. it’s so much more stress-relieving than normal human reactions.

a loud noise scares me and makes my heart start beating really quickly? hissing once or thrice at the source of the noise works WAY better to calm me down than just cursing or clutching my chest or whatever. same for growling/snarling when i’m angry. highly recommend.

[vulpecular-draconic]

Have you ever wondered how racial identity may factor into one’s alterhumanity?

I know I have, so I wrote an essay on identifying with one’s race as perceived in human society while being alterhuman and/or nonhuman.

I could never separate myself from my blackness simply because I am a draconic polymorph, but that does not make me any less of a draconic polymorph either.

I am Black, draconic and polymorphic, and each of these details hold great importance to my being. Race isn’t exclusive to just orthohumans, y’know!

You can read Alterhumanity in Color: Exploring Race Outside of Orthohumanity here!

[vulpecular-draconic]

so… i think i finally consciously figured out something.

this lull that i’m experiencing, that i’ve mentioned in previous posts? i know where it began. or, the two things that i think began it. i don’t remember which order they happened in? so i’ll just describe them.

incident one: i tried to talk about alterhumanity with my mom and sister. not just in vague, this-is-a-thing way — they already knew it existed and thought it was weird — but i tried to explain phantom limbs to them. i asked them if they experienced phantom limbs, and kinda told them about mine. which was a mistake. they didn’t make fun of me exactly, but my sister gave me weird looks (and thought i was confusing it for imagination, which i didn’t have the energy to correct at that point), and my mom just said she thought i had a strong imagination (in a less-frustrating way than my sister). but i left the whole interaction feeling VERY much like i’d shared too much of myself. i still feel that way about it. i noticed afterwards that it was harder to feel connected to my ‘types.

incident two: i filled out an alterhuman survey. i’m not sure why, but something about one of the questions — or rather, something in the way i answered it — left me feeling… empty, in regards to alterhumanity? i closed the app and got up from my chair suddenly feeling like i’d broken something. i don’t really know why it made me feel that way. the question had been asking about how much i viewed myself as human. my answer was that i felt like “human” was more of a job title, a purpose, than something i was. it was the first time i’d contextualized it that way — outside of my head, at least? — and… idk. but everything felt Different after that. 

these both happened around the beginning of 2024, i think. for a few weeks afterwards, i clung on to posting about alterhuman stuff, trying to get that feeling back. eventually though, i accepted the lull and stopped trying to wring connection to myself out of tumblr.

i didn’t fully accept the reasons for the lull, though. it’s true that i’ve had natural lulls before even knowing i was alterhuman, but i pretended that was all it was.

since the lull began there’s been a few spotty days where my connection feels stronger, but hardly ever to the strength i felt it before, and hardly for longer than a day or two.

what really worries me is that the only kintype i feel consistently connected to now is being a pearl fox (and avian-humanoid, but that’s less of a species and more just limbs that almost always feel comfortable to me. and dragons, which feel more like otherheartedness, but i always get shifty about those whenever i interact with dragon content). but even being a pearl fox feels more distant than it did. all my types felt very real as i was feeling them, but i worry that they won’t come back. what if they were hyperfixation-induced identities, and now that the hyperfixation has abated, i’ll never feel like them again? 

because i am a psychological alterhuman. i’m at the whims of my own subconscious. i think i definitely was everything i said i was back then at the time i said it, but i don’t feel like i am anymore, not in the same way. i tried, but i can’t force it to come back. i’m still not quite sure why it left.

to be honest, the only thing that’s keeping me from completely doubting if i’m alterhuman at all is remembering how i found out i was alterhuman in the first place.

i acted nonhuman (specifically, cat-like) since i was eight, until i was shamed out of it.

i constantly pictured myself as a dragon and had dragon phantom limbs around the ages of eleven-thirteenish.

right before finding out about alterhumanity in 2023, i realized i was placing an unusual amount of weight on the question “what is your favorite animal.” my answer had been cats as long as i could remember, but that had become increasingly uncomfortable to say in recent years (dysphoric, in hindsight). i felt that my favorite animal had to encapsulate my personality, and for some reason, cats no longer did. i realized i was drawn more to foxes the same week i learned about alterhumanity. 

i kind of wish i had learned about alterhumanity a bit later than i did. a couple months later maybe, that would’ve been ideal. give myself more time to learn about foxes and i connect to them on my own, without getting it tangled up in preconceptions, yknow?

because red foxes? the species that pearl foxes are a color morph of? i initially discarded them too quickly, because i didn’t feel connected to the classic red fox color morph. so i went searching for a whole different fox species, and found bat-eared foxes. it’s hard to describe in with words, but think that made everything a lot messier in the months afterward.

i’ve always had a fascination and connection with dragons, which hasn’t faded in the same way my connection with cats did, but i’m wondering if i was too eager to call it a kintype. i’m definitely at least dragonhearted, that’s for sure. i’ve definitely been a dragon before. i think i’ve been all the kintypes i list in my intro post, but i don’t know if that being was something that was ever meant to last.

i’m thinking about the list of animals i wrote down before discovering alterhumanity, when i was trying to figure out which creature was my favorite. i think i want to go back to before i found out about bat-eared foxes, and i want to start from scratch. make absolutely sure i’m not tying myself to an exceptionally long, hyperfixation-induced cameo shift. they have all been very important to me, and still are in many ways, and i’ve been scared that admitting to myself that things might have Changed and that it would mean they could never be important to me again. but that’s silly. they can be important again if that happens to happen.

i’ve only been awakened for what, a little over year now? compared to so many other alterhumans, i’m just a kit. i’ve barely started my journey with nonhumanity.

so i’m tentatively starting with a new status quo; i am a pearl fox.

i think i’m comfortable saying that, but i need to parse what exactly that means to me. i’m less so a pearl fox in a real-world all-fours fox kinda way (though it feels like that some rare occasions). i’m more so a fox in fable-trickster-figure kinda way, creative and clever and skulking around. (i think that may be where my fae/changeling kintype came from — it melds with my pearl fox ‘type in a way that may mean it’s not entirely its own thing. i don’t feel comfortable calling myself a fae anymore, not in a literal way. changeling i still have to think about.) sometimes i feel more like a pearl fox in a grungy way; less whimsical, more grounded, listening to rough music and wanting more from life. sometimes being a pearl fox feels more like a metaphor: a metaphor for how various parts of my identity has been dehumanized, and a channel to express the parts of me that snuck around to stay safe.

but it always, in some way, feels like me. it feels like it fits my pre-awakening criteria for a favorite animal: an animal that can encompass my personality completely.

i should probably make a new intro post with this info soon, but i’m not quite sure how to explain it in that format yet. but i’m happier now that i’ve figured this out. all my other kintypes, and even my hearttype and hearthome, i want to put away for now. not necessarily abandon forever; if the connection is still there in some form, they’ll come back. but i want to make sure i’m not forcing myself to make them stick around.

so yeah, reintroduction, i guess! i’m vuldra, i’m a pearl fox, and i don’t know if that’s ‘heartedness or ‘kinity or both in fluctuation.

[vulpecular-draconic]

Hi I'm sorry to bother you but I saw you're a bat eared fox therian and I'm currently questioning that as a theriotype. If you're comfortable, could you maybe describe your experience? /Nf Sorry to bother you!!

hello!! you’re no bother at all!

unfortunately i don’t know if i’ll be much help, though :/ despite the fact that bat-eared foxes were the first species i recognized as a kintype, compared to my others they’re not a very strong kintype. and — as you might’ve seen from my recent posts — i recently realized i’m cambitherian (meaning my species fluctuate between kintypes and hearttypes). currently everything is more in the hearttype territory.

but here are some things i experience:

i get very shifty when i watch videos of them. for me, that doesn’t just happen with any animal. if you’re the same way, it might be a good sign you’re one

i have phantom limbs/mental shifts of a bat-eared fox at least every few-ish months (more regularly when my nonhumanity is feeling stronger in general)

as you probably already know, bat-eared foxes are insectivores. now, me eating insects with a human mouth? no! yuck! unappealing. but if i could eat insects as a bat-eared fox, with a bat-eared fox mouth? it suddenly seems much more palatable

that’s all i can think of right now, unfortunately. sorry anon <///3 i wish i could help more. good luck with your questioning!

[vulpecular-draconic]

since pearl foxes are usually the strongest of my species, i tried to think up adjectives that meant the same as foxlike/foxy but with the root of “vulpes.” i don’t remember if i came up with vulpecular myself or if i found it on a synonym list, but i remember googling it and being happy to find that it was a real word. unfortunately there was already someone with the username vulpecular, so i googled “synonyms for dragon-like” and chose draconic as the second part.

ALTERHUMANS I GOT A QUESTION!!

How did you come up with your username? I think they're all so cool and I'd love to hear I'd they have any significance or if you just think ur user's cool!

I'll go first.. quack is from the fact I really like the streamer quackity and he's been one of my long time hyperfixations... and woof is beacuse well.. I WOOF!! :3

[vulpecular-draconic]

featherless? biped? this is a man

I’ve been more aware of my walking habits lately and made this funny observation that my posture is kinda like a quadruped awkwardly balancing on two legs. Further evidence that I should be allowed to be a silly, four-legged critter

[vulpecular-draconic]

I have this weird thing with my family. I don't like saying "I love you". And it's not because I don't love them. It's just that, to me, "I love you" does not mean family love. The word for that for me is "we are pack". And I don't want to upset them by using the "wrong" word to articulate the same feeling, so I just. End up staying quiet.

[vulpecular-draconic]

Cambitherian -- Newly Coined Alterhuman Term

A new term has been invented: Cambitherian/Cambikin/Cambiheart! It is used to describe the state of alterhumanity in which one's connection to their therio/kin/hearttypes fluctuates between therian and animalhearted/otherkin and otherhearted. The shift in strength of connection is involuntary, sometimes occuring because of stress or emotions. Phantom shifts or other shifts are not the cause of this, and the fluctuation in identity does not affect shifts. The change in connection does not affect what your therio/kin/hearttypes are, only how you connect to them. The flag displays a symbol which is a combination of the therian symbol, and the otherheart symbol. The silver represents fluidity, the blue represents spirituality, the purple represents transformation or change, and the gray represents balance.

[vulpecular-draconic]

hello fellows! long time no post.

i have a question: is there a term for alterhumans whose nonhumanity fluctuates into otherheartedness sometimes? i think there is, but i don’t remember it.

in an earlier post of mine i said that i think my base species — the species i feel like when none of the others are particularly strong — has become changeling. but during this last month where i haven’t posted, my feelings shifted again, and i realized that all my ‘types now feel more like ‘heartedness than nonhumanity.

i don’t think this is a case of mistaking otherheartedness for nonhumanity. i remember how strong the feeling of “me” with them can get, so i definitely was nonhuman those times. but the “this is me” feeling has felt more like a metaphor than literal recently (although i don’t feel particularly human, either, just… not anything else). i still feel like acting nonhuman (i think i’ve hissed/growled at things more times this previous month than i ever have), and i've felt phantom limbs a few times each week, but saying stuff “i am literally a fox” to myself hasn’t felt Correct.

[vulpecular-draconic]

Here is what my mother told me when I was young: the world is harsh. It is unforgiving and it has teeth. Take no shit.

Here is what I have learned from the world: it is wounded and the humans scattered throughout it are rarely the rats of Rat Park, they are the tired, trembling experiments in need of more kindness, not less. Do no harm.

Here's what I have learned from the world: humans are good. They are soft, and gentle, and they are wounded, all of them. When humans were young and wild, they looked at the snarling beasts that came to their fires, the ones with sharp teeth in their long muzzles, and they saw soft fur and the welcome-home wag of a tail.

Here is what I have seen: Given an opportunity, humans will choose creation and love. They will create art, and music, and community. They will tell each other stories, sing each other songs, help each other heal. Even without safety, even when it wounds them, they will love. They will love each other - their family, their friends, their mates - and they will love the world.

Here is what I have seen: there is hope. Sometimes it is ugly and twisted and burns, but humans will hold onto it with both hands and their entire heart. They will share it with one another. They will use it to tame beasts with fur and teeth as well as the ones that live inside of themselves. They will create because of it; they will say I hope this makes someone smile, I hope this makes someone cry. I hope this saves someone. And it will.

Here is what I know to be true: evidence of a healed broken bone from thousands of years ago reminds us that what makes us human isn't our wounds, but how we care for one another through them.

Here is what my mother told me: the world will gnash its sharp teeth at me. It will try to wound me.

Here is what I know to be true: I am human, and humans heal one another and can turn sharp teeth into wagging tails.

[vulpecular-draconic]

i wonder if dogs who’ve had their tails docked experience phantom tails. i'd assume so

[vulpecular-draconic]

Otherkin/non-human/etc can someone maybe help me decipher my identity by maybe answering some questions?

(I'm posting with an anonomous throwaway acocunt)

I must be honest I don't understand or know all the terminology, so please bear with me

Do people usually "feel" what species they are? Is being born from homo sapiens and looking and acting like a homo sapien enough for someone to be human? Does one also have to "feel" human?

Whats the difference between depersonalization and "not feeling human" in the otherkin way? Is there a difference at all?

I wouldn't say I feel human or feel like I am anything. I'd imagine gender to compare. What is my gender? I picture it, and it's colorless, hazy, and ugly. Well no, that's wrong, it's indescribable. Putting my gender in any category seems incorrect. When I try to give it an adjective, its slips away. All I can say for sure is that my gender is far away and nothing special.

Someone said being otherkin an unchosen identity. I can wrap my head around that. I didn't choose to "feel" not in the gender binary, but I chose to use the label of nonbinary. Someone might involuntarily feel like an animal or mythical creature and so they choose to use the label "otherkin".

---

I'm curious about the seriousness of being other kin. I've created a "scale" to illustrate some various answers I've imagined:

1. I like this species of animal/mythical creature/concept/etc

2. I'd like to be this species

3. I relate to this species

4. I am inheritly connected to this species

5. I am this species

Of course everyone will have a different experience, but where on this scale do most people fall, both otherkin and not? What's the range of this list that would make someone accepted in the otherkin community? And what about on the outside? Would it be "faking" being otherkin to want to be another species but not "feeling" like you are? I imagine "not feeling human" may or may not come with each category depending on the person. In what way does not feeling human affect someone's desire to be something else or a connection felt with another species? Is there anyone who doesn't feel human that wished they did?

It seems that being otherkin is spiritual to many people. Where is the line drawn between religous beliefs and non-religous identity? Where's the line drawn between believing as you believe the sky is blue and playing pretend?

I don't see how being otherkin could harm anyone, so I'll respect it as I respect any other belief system. Whether or not any spiritual belief is real or not doesn't matter to me, people believe in it and it affects their lives so it might as well be real

It's not my purpose to be offensive or vindictive when I say this, but I am unsure of the "reality" of someone being in a human body but not being human

I want so desperately to believe it's real because I need escapism but at the same time I'm very skeptical. It seems like fantasy scenario

Genuinely, how serious is otherkin? How real is being nonhuman/alterhuman/etc?

----

Some otherkin seem to have an air of "I'm better than humans" that I can only assume comes from a hatred of modern society and self-hatred for being born into it. It's reminds me of harry potter fans calling people they dont like "muggles"

As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with being proud of being otherkin. Alot of people are proud of it. I wish I was something to be proud of

I can't say for sure why, but it stresses me out to know about otherkin. Maybe it's the idea that a person really can truly believe to be an animal/mythical creature, like a fantasy come true, but I'm not one of them. The idea that other people out there are living an impossible dream that I'm not

Call me a hater but I'm jealous that I cannot believe I'm anything more than worthless and untetherable

And when it comes to the thing you identify as, is it more like understanding what you are and then picking the label that fits (like how it is being queer), or is it more like picking out a favorite animal, or is it more like having knowledge of what you intrinsically are?

Could I call myself otherkin/alterhuman? Could just anyone? Legitimately, is there a difference between alterhumans and someone who would like to not be human but will never hear of the labels?

[vulpecular-draconic]

poll was inspired by this ask game by user froghearted- check it out too!