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okay gaming time over its time to lay down i had my enrichment time

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i had the most bizarre dream last night. one of those really long ones that changes plot halfway. first i was roaming the lands idk i was homeless or something. and i don’t remember all of it but i saw this old run down farm and it had one of those small bathroom buildings on it. you know the rectangle shaped ones with a door on each side. i thought no one would see me so i went across the property to rest in there. and i meant these 3 toddlers about 3 years old. triplets (they come in later) and they talked with me and they were special. they had superpowers. i only remember the one had superspeed and i forget the other 2 but they were all like common superpowers. and this old man came out of the farm house and put a shotgun toward me and told me to get off his property and i left. and next thing i remember i wondered into this abandoned building. there was some gathering like a secret meeting and it was preplanned cause it was like at an old arcade prize counter they turned into a bar with the drinks on display where the prizes would go. i saw my sister and mother and to seemed to know a lot of people there even tho idk them irl so maybe thats where i was traveling to idk but i was at the bar. curse supermarker simulator cause i had a little scanner and i was scanning what i wanted to drink to take to the counter. and i kept thinking damn im breaking over 50 days sober (whiich i would have been irl idk how many days but over 50) so i was like if im gonna break sobriety im getting wasted. and i was at the counter buying drinks. and something happened like a leak or something police showed. and we all scrambled cause apparently our meeting was illegal. and i saw someone else i knew and i was watching him all night. i didnt say anything cause i felt weird but i was monitoring if he went to the bar or not. and i saw him as we scrambled and i yelled out his name and he looked at me like a second to register who i was and ran to me. its a little funny cause i remember yelling his name and snapped my fingers and pointing next to me KEZUWBF like get your ass over here. and he grabbed my hand and we fled the building. and we kept running. it was like a maze city. building everywhere trying to find an escape in the streets. and we made it back to the old run down farm. and i told him we need to watch for the 3 toddlers. the other 2 are fine but if the one with superspeed sees us its over we can run but she will catch up to us no matter what. and ig now that the association we were in was leaked everyone was out to get us. and so he picked me up and i was like bundled in this blanket and he thought it would be easier to just carry me instead of me trying to keep up the pace. of course she saw us and she kept screaming out mommy (to me like she imprinted on me or something) and i kept telling him when to turn trying to throw her off cause as long as she didnt see us she couldnt catch up to us. and he never said anything i never heard him but i kept saying thank you in his ear quietly. i was thanking him tho because he came to me when i called and i didnt break sobriety not because he didnt leave me. although in irl world i would have been more scared to be alone but in this one i was a wanderer so i didnt care. idk where we were going i woke up. but it was such a long dream.

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ngl i played like 3 more days in supermarket simulator i could fr play this all night me and my little sticker scanner running around stacking groceries pausing now and then to help my employee at the register take payments hell yea im a hardcore gamer :3 however i need sleep i have been very upset lately but i pulled some tarot about one of my stressors to get an idea of what i can expect from what im gonna do like whats gonna happen when i do it and i got the page of wands, the wheel, and the ace of swords so im feeling a little more calm i need a nap tho fr

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me: im gonna play a little game before resting

me 4 hours later: realizing maybe its time i had dinner and went to bed

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im gonna play supermarket simulator a bit and maybe lay down a watch a movie to sleep i have a busy day tomorrow. supermarket simulator is great for the autistic brain itch. i love shelving things and scanning bar codes so i can organize more products. cant even lie i find genuine enjoyment from assembly line style work. give me something to pack and/or sort repetitively right now.

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Heath Ledger photographed by Jake Chessum, , 2004.

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trying to reground so that the sad thing is not the end of the world but it is okay to be sad. and the scary thing im gonna do is not the end of the world and even if i fail the first time i can try again even if it means a couple extra steps it is nothing to completely give up over.

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Got nothing rn bc I’ve been lacking motivation lately but I made this bc I adore Kyle gallner and his characters 😔

Simon my beloved, he makes me violent /pos

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okay im done crying. its helps when i pull up sad videos. makes me feel less alone when im upset. crying solidarity. its painful to see the bigger picture behind what things mean. that you really have to completely give up when optimism turns to bullshit. think im gonna try and nap before the day starts. i feel deflated when i have run out of hope.

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the reality of the situation honestly nothing can be done about it just redirect down a new path

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Looks like another pic from the set of Just Breath

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i honestly cant lie that pisses me off so badly im having a complicated feeling about it

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veronica mars (2006) x dinner in america (2020)