weeping-silhouette

[weeping-silhouette]

But. What do you do?

What do you do, when out of your entire extended family.

You can only trust 2 of them?

And the reasoning for that is lack of contact?

I can't afford to abandon them,

They have too many financial restraints on me.

I can't leave,

Where would I even go?

What do I do with all of this pain?

All of this pain, which They have brought about?

[weeping-silhouette]

Coming to terms with the fact I do struggle with OCD is. hard.

I'd never considered it before, because no one bothered telling me that my compulsions were compulsions.

I mostly just figured I was more depressed than most and just had to deal with it.

Then around a year ago my therapist was like "you know, the things ur describing to me sound a lot like OCD. Have you ever looked into it?"

and my dumbass is like "OCD? I'm a perfectionist, but I don't clean crazy?"

and then I learned what OCD actually fucking is and, what do you knowww.... Yep, that's me! what the fuck?!

As someone who has taken to analyzing every aspect of my life, realizing that hey, actually, psycho analyzing yourself every second of everyday is actually SYMPTOMS!!! I'm having a hard time.

In my mind, if I can figure out what the problem is that'll fix me, right?

uh, so. no, actually. It doesn't! that is actually making things WORSE!!

[weeping-silhouette]

sometimes, trying is hard.

most times, actually.

i struggle with such basic things,

yet no one cares to wonder why i am struggling.

no one asks.

no one questions it.

they just assume i am lazy,

or not determined enough.

they view me as worthless.

i just want to be okay.