what-if-queen-camilla

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Love changes everything - Chapter 12

5th January 1976

Andrew’s birthday as well as New Year’s Eve and Day had passed quicker and smoother than Camilla had anticipated. She’d had several good cries on what would have been her late husband’s 36th birthday, but Charles had been incredibly sweet and understanding and had cradled her in his arms till she’d felt better.

New Year’s Eve had been a bit tricky to arrange, but somehow, she and Charles had managed to arrange spending it together without Camilla’s family getting suspicious. It had been very sentimental, but it had also felt incredibly good to receive a New Year’s kiss from Charles, though a tiny part of Camilla still felt guilty for feeling so good in another man’s arm so shortly after her husband’s passing. But when the inhabitants of Allington and Salisbury lit up the sky with blue and gold and pink and silver fireworks, Charles had held her so softly and so tightly at the same time, that Camilla had wished he would never ever let her go. And when he had kissed her and whispered into her ear that she was the only thing he wanted and that he couldn’t wait to spend as much time with her as possible in the upcoming year, she couldn’t help that her heart was beating fast and that she was feeling so right.

But now, five days later, reality had kicked back in and Charles had travelled back to London to continue his plans for a big charity launch he was planning later this year and to carry out a few engagements. His family was still staying at Sandringham, but he just couldn’t bear being there. Christmas had been even more terrible than usual as he had been longing to be with Camilla the whole time. Of course, his grandmother had noticed, of course his father had told him off for being absent minded, of course his grandmother had made him feel guilty for not spending New Year’s Eve with the family. 

He wished he had friends or someone from his family to talk to about his feelings for Camilla, about his plans for their future. But his grandmother tried to marry him to some aristocratic virgins, his father tried to send him off the shores again and Uncle Dickie just told him to ‘screw as many girls as possible’. Charles still shivered in disgust of Lord Mountbatten’s choice of words. He had only ever wanted to ‘screw’ Camilla, and he would never ever use that word for it. Not with her. With her, even ‘making love’ was too weak to express what this heaven on earth felt like; this union of body, soul and spirit… Making love with her was a spiritual act for him, it was beyond anything ethereal. If she let him, he would make love to her religiously. If he had his way, he would love her in all ways of life religiously. He wouldn’t mind bringing her to Gretna Green or, not so romantically, Las Vegas right this instant to tie the knot with her, though he knew Camilla would most likely say no, not to speak of his family… 

The shrill ringing of the telephone startled him out of his thoughts. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head briefly, as if he was trying to shake off his thoughts to clear his mind. "Yes?"

To his great disappointment it was just his grandmother, lamenting because he hadn’t returned to Sandringham. “Actually, darling, I wanted to ask if you would like to join me at Birkhall later this month. I’ve talked to Valerian yesterday, you know, The Duke of Wellington, and have invited him and Diana. They have a lovely daughter, as you know, Jane. Aren’t you friends? I thought it might be nice if the two of you were able to catch up a little…”

Charles sighed. “Isn’t she working for the enemy?” He had not the slightest intention of meeting his ex-girlfriend and her parents at his grandmother’s Scottish home.

“Working for a magazine that publishes TV and radio programs is hardly a crime, darling.”, the Queen Mother replied sweetly. 

“That’s quite something, coming from you,” Charles quipped, before adding: “I’ll probably be spending the upcoming weekends with Camilla and Tom.” For several heartbeats there was silence in the line. “You could invite her up to Birkhall as well…”, he suggested then, knowing he was pushing his grandmother further than he should. 

“Oh, you know, darling, the weekends at Birkhall are for friends and fam - “

“But when Andrew was still alive you didn’t mind inviting her alongside her husband?!” Charles interrupted her, his voice harsh and up for a fight. 

“I’m sure Mrs. Parker Bowles still needs some time before she wants to attend social gatherings again, Charles. Goodness, it’s got quite late. I’ve got to go to bed. Sleep well, darling.” With that she hung up the phone, leaving her grandson speechless. He had always been fond of his grandmother, but he had his priorities and she wasn’t at the top of the list any longer. Not since he had found out about 1972 a few months ago, not since Trevor had informed him about her unlikely consolidation with Lord Mountbatten and certainly not since the call they’d just had. 

X

30th January 1976

Charles had never quite understood why his mother preferred to stay at Sandringham till the anniversary of her accession to the throne. He’d been very close with his grandfather and he admired him deeply, especially since he had been told from the beginning how similar they were, but he didn’t feel a connection to Sandringham. He associated Sandringham with constrained Christmas celebrations and unpleasant rows with this extended family. At least Sandringham wasn’t as grand as Buckingham Palace, but it was far from being as cosy and familial as Clarence House. His mother had asked him around for tea to ‘catch up a little’ as she had phrased it on the telephone, probably trying to sound laid-back, if that would ever be fitting for a Queen. He had no idea what she really wanted, however was hoping it wouldn’t take too long as he couldn’t wait to travel back to Wiltshire to his beloved. 

Rather informally, almost familial, The Queen welcomed him to her favourite sitting room, decorated in gold and green, just to Charles’s likes. “It’s so wonderful you could arrange to come over!”, Elizabeth greeted him with her genuine smile, not the one the press pack got to see when they were out and about. “I hear you’re very passionately working on the projects you’ve been telling me about last year.” Charles wasn’t sure, but he thought he might have heard a rather warm and proud undertone in his mother’s voice. 

“Oh yes,” he nodded eagerly and before he realised it, his mother had indulged him into a long conversation about his plans. 

She seemed sincerely interested in everything they were talking about, but Charles was still taken aback when Her Majesty cleared her throat and almost coyly asked him “And how are you doing, um, privately? I hear you’re being a very doting godfather to the poor Parker Bowles child in your spare time?”

Charles’s mood changed from happy and relaxed to fuming and angry within a second. This had to be his grandmother’s or Uncle Dickie’s scheming. His mother had never cared about him before, so they had set her on him ‘to save the monarchy’ or for some other stupid reason. Probably because Uncle Dicke wanted to see Amanda on the throne and granny Lady Fermoy’s granddaughter, Sarah. “Mrs. Parker Bowles is a very honourable lady,” Charles snapped back, his face more reddish than before.

"Charles, please bridle your tongue" the Queen ordered astonished. "I never meant to suggest otherwise.” She straightened her back, but softened the expression on her face. “I thought she was carrying herself very gracefully when I saw pictures of her at the funeral back in October. For someone who has never had the eyes of the world on her…”

“Oh, did you?”

“But since you brought her up anyway… How is the poor soul coping with everything?”

Charles raised an eyebrow. The whole situation seemed very suspicious to him. But he didn't want to accuse his mother of something he wasn't sure about. Maybe she really didn't know anything about the whole thing? Maybe she really was just genuinely interested. Once he’d be back in London on Monday, he would instruct Trevor to ascertain his mother's stance on the matter. Trevor was not only astute but also possessed a keen ability to navigate the palace's inner circles without resorting to idle gossip. Charles was confident in Trevor's discretion and reliability; he had served him very well, especially recently.

“Well, please give Mrs. Parker Bowles my best regards when you see her again,” Elizabeth stated as she embraced her heir to say goodbye. “I assume tonight?”

“I will,” Charles promised and pecked his mother’s cheek before leaving with a lighter heart than he had expected.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Like grandfather, like grandson - Chapter 4 - Sandringham House

Sandringham House, Norfolk, Monday, 11th December 1972

Camilla was still in a bit of a shock, firstly about Charles’ somehow not-so unexpected proposal about two weeks ago, and secondly, actually just recently, about his grandmother’s invitation to Sandringham House, which she, even if she had wanted to, hardly could have turned down. It was the week of both, the King’s accession day and his birthday, which was going to end with the third Sunday of Advent, and moreover the last day before Charles would leave for the Navy. It was not the first time she was invited to stay with the Royal Family, God knew how often she, her parents and siblings had joined them for hunting weekends at Balmoral back when they had all been children - but Sandringham House was something different, and this time, she was not just the daughter of a much appreciated World-War-II veteran and granddaughter of darling Mrs Greville's ever so adored goddaughter, but the more or less official girlfriend of Prince Charles of Edinburgh!

“It’s a very small group, darling, and it will be a cosy atmosphere!”, he had promised her when he had brought her his grandmother’s invitation. “It’ll be only my grandparents, Aunt Margo, Uncle Peter, the cousins and us!”, he had explained and at least the absence of his parents had somehow calmed her down a bit, yet, it was still frightening enough. A driver had picked her up early on this Monday morning to ensure she'd arrive in time for luncheon. There'd be a small reception to mark the 35th anniversary of His Majesty's accession later in the afternoon, certainly an especially bittersweet one this year, Camilla thought, considering the Duke of Windsor's death last May. Despite everything, The King had insisted that his brother should have a State Funeral in everything but name, and Charles, alongside his mother's cousins the Duke of Kent, Prince William of Gloucester (who had so tragically died only a couple of weeks later which had been a huge heartbreak for the whole family), and his own eldest cousin George, Viscount Linley, first born son of Princess Margaret and her husband Captain Peter Townsend, the Earl and Countess of Snowdon, had stood vigil during the lying-in-state of the former monarch. It had caused some controversy, but also underlined once more just how important family and forgiveness was to King George VI, and as far as Camilla was concerned, she had been deeply impressed and touched by his generous gesture, as was her entire family and most people she knew. For the occasion, Camilla had got herself a simple, but elegant, knee-length black silk and lace dress of which she hoped that it wouldn't draw the attention away from Charles’ grandmother. She very much preferred to stay as invisible as possible and, of course, would never want to “outshine” The Queen! Though it was probably impossible to outshine Her Majesty with her fancy style anyway, but still.

“Here we are, Ma'am, Sandringham House.”, the driver announced and Camilla's heart stopped for a moment as she, indeed, caught sight of the famous, red bricked, Jacobethan styled country house right next to her out of the car window, and much to her relief, her Prince right in front of the building, happily smiling and waving at her. “Darling!”, he greeted her affectionately, as soon as she got out of the window, tenderly kissing both her cheeks. “I'm so glad you're here, I've missed you terribly! Have you had a comfortable journey?” “Yes, darling, everything went well.”, she confirmed, with a grateful nod towards the driver, who was meanwhile unloading her luggage, that would later be carried into the house by another servant. “Come on, my love, let's go inside.”, Charles said, tenderly wrapped her arm around her and guided her through the main entrance. “Where are the others?”, Camilla asked, a bit frightened. So far, nobody was in sight, but she didn't want to experience any kind of surprises, so wanted to be sure. “Grandpa is working in his office, Granny and Aunt Margo have gone on a ride, Uncle Peter and the boys have gone fishing and Sarah…” “... has been waiting for you all morning!!!”, the Prince's seven-year-old cousin, who had suddenly appeared as if by magic, excitedly declared and almost jumped onto Camilla’s arms. “Hello young lady!”, Camilla greeted her affectionately and Sarah's eyes widened in excitement. They had met a few short times before and somehow, Sarah was almost as much in love with her cousin's girlfriend as she himself. “Charles says you're drawing, is that true?”, the little girl asked and Camilla nodded. “I do, but I'm not very good…” “That's not true!”, Charles immediately protested. “You're absolutely brilliant, darling!” “And you like horses, right?”, Sarah happily babbled away. “Can I show you that stables later?” “For the moment, sweetheart, please hold your horses and let Camilla arrive first!”, Charles giggled, but Camilla gave him an approving glance, confirming that she didn't mind the little girl's behaviour at all. She had two younger siblings herself and she loved children, so everything was fine. “Well, in that case, Sarah, you might like to show Camilla her room?”, he asked and Sarah nodded excitingly. “I helped Mary preparing it yesterday!”, she explained and took Camilla's hand. “It's next to mine, we girls have an entire corridor of our own!” Camilla looked at Charles and he nodded. Of course - only married couples were allowed to share a room in this circle… Trying to conceal her slight disappointment, Camilla followed Sarah up the stairs and to the room that was going to be hers for the rest of the week. “I'll come and pick you up for lunch in about half an hour!”, he promised and blew a kiss, before the ladies rushed around the corner and were out of sight.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Hi, I really love your new story(I loved the old one too 😍) Hoping for a new chapter soon please, need some happiness even if it’s just fiction for the moment xx

Thank you so much for this very lovely message! I still plan to continue both stories at some point, but somehow I don't really feel like writing at the moment, it's just so sad with the King's cancer, isn't it? I appreciate your kind words though and might give it a try again anytime soon :)

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Like grandfather, like grandson - Chapter 3 - Grandma knows best

“Milla, darling, wait!”, Charles shouted in complete panic, running through the halls and corridors of Windsor Castle like an absolute maniac. After the sudden departure of his girlfriend, he had been in a state of shock for maybe about two minutes, she couldn't have come too far in the meantime… “Darling, please, don't leave me like this!” Camilla, crouching in a small gap between two walls, somewhere between the library and the state apartments of this huge, ancient building, suddenly felt so lonely and cold that she couldn't fight her tears any longer as she heard her boyfriend desperately searching for her. “Darling? Darling!’, she heard him calling out for her once again, and eventually admitted defeat. “Yes, darling, I… I'm here…”, she sobbed, and Charles’ heart stopped for a few moments. “Darling!!!”, he screamed, turned around, and immediately ran over to where he thought that her voice came from, and eventually found her, a little piece of misery, and protectively pressed her against his strong, manly chest. “Oh Darling, I'm so sorry!”, she sobbed, but he didn't even let her finish. “No, darling, I'm sorry!”, he said, tenderly stroking her back. “I shouldn't have put you under such pressure…” “You didn't, darling.”, Camilla responded, slowly but surely overcoming her short mental breakdown. “What you did was… so sweet. And just… perfect.”, she reassured him. “And I love you, darling, I really do. But I can't give you the answer you want to hear…” Charles desperately tried to hide his disappointment and tenderly wrapped his arm around her. You don’t have to, darling. Take your time. Let’s get back to London now and take you home…”

Buckingham Palace, London, two hours later

“But she didn’t immediately say ‘no’, lad, did she?” Bertie summed up what his grandson had just told him about his proposal to the girl he had lost his heart to and couldn’t help but smile, as he gently stroked over Charles’ back. The poor boy had had a complete mental breakdown as he, obviously slightly over dramatised, had told the King what had happened, and the young Prince nodded crestfallen. “No, she didn’t.” He replied, but immediately added bitterly: “Because she is too kind for that! But she will never agree to marry me! Oh grandpa, I am going to die! If I can’t marry her, I won’t marry anybody! And end up like Uncle David…” He sobbed and Bertie meanwhile struggled keeping his composure. The lad really was even more dramatic and sensitive than he himself. “Now, come on, my darling boy.” He tried to soothe him a bit. “May I remind you that I had to ask your grandmother thrice before she eventually agreed to marry me? And she did say ‘no’, plainly and clearly!” “Who said ‘no’ to what?” A well-known and always more than welcome voice asked and Charles' spirits immediately brightened up as he recognised his beloved grandmother standing in the door frame. “Granny!” He happily exclaimed and rushed over to and greeted her affectionately. Being the loving and caring grandmother she was, Elizabeth immediately noticed that something wasn’t quite right with her darling boy. “Charles, my dear, what’s the matter?” she asked concernedly as they jointly walked over to the two Edwardian chaise lounges in Bertie’s sitting room. “I was just telling our darling boy that I had to propose to you three times until you finally agreed to marry me.” The King said romantically, took his consort’s hand and kissed it tenderly, which made the Queen blush and the young Prince melt. “Well, my love, it can be quite frightening for an innocent, young girl to be asked THE question by somebody who could possibly be King one day!”, she chuckled before adding: “And you weren’t even heir apparent at the time, were you, Bertie?” “No, darling, I wasn’t. But I’ve always known that you’re the one. I’ve always seen the wonderful, loving and devoted Queen you eventually became, you’ve always been destined to become.” Now it was her who gently took his hand and lovingly pressed it. Charles had listened to his grandmother attentively and was left completely confused. “Granny - if I may…” He began and the Queen smiled at him. “Yes, of course, darling!”

“Why was it frightening? What exactly frightened you?” The young Prince could absolutely not understand what on earth could be frightened of the prospect of becoming a member of the Royal Family? In fact, he could hardly imagine anything more reassuring and safer. His grandmother threw her head back laughing. “Oh Charles, you really are exactly like your grandfather!” She giggled. “You two wonderful, sweet and naive lads, you…” Elizabeth laughed, before, a bit more seriously, adding: “Well, of course you wouldn’t know because you were literally born into this world, you don’t know anything else. But for me it was very scary back then. I had enjoyed a wonderfully, quiet and idyllic childhood up in Scotland, in a loving, normal family, without any pressure, protocol or any of that nonsense… I was used to having a certain freedom, which I appreciated and which was quite difficult for me to give up. I was a nobody, the ninth out of ten children of the 14. Earl of Strathmore and Kinghorne. Nobody, no newspapers or anyone cared about me, what I did, what I said, what I wore, where I was and where not. I knew that, if I agreed to marry Bertie, I’d never have that again. I’d be in the limelight, be watched and my every step would be judged and scrutinised for the rest of my life. And that really frightened me.” Both, Charles and Bertie, had been following her reflections with great interest and attention. It was the King who first dared say something again, as he, almost anxiously, asked. “But, darling, you’ve never regretted it, have you?” “Of course not, darling!” Elizabeth replied and lovingly kissed his cheek, which left Bertie visibly relieved. “But, Granny…” Charles eventually dared ask.  “What made you change your mind? I mean… How did you eventually find the courage to marry grandpa?” “Well, my darling boys… I’m not sure whether I have ever told you this, Bertie, but in fact… I got a visit from your mother.” “You got what?” The King echoed in total disbelief. How on earth could that be? They’d be married for 50 years in a few months - how could it be that Elizabeth had never told him such a significant detail? “Yes, darling, your mother came up to Scotland one day and invited me on a long, nice walk. We walked and talked and at the end of it, she simply told me that she was now convinced that I was ‘the one girl that could make Bertie happy’, but that, of course, the choice was mine. She kissed me on the cheek before she left, and that was the moment I knew I was not going to turn you down again, darling.” “I can’t believe you’ve never told me!” Bertie said, looking at his wife slightly disappointed, but they both knew he loved her way too much to be cross with her for too long. “So apparently they’re actually right when they say ‘Mother knows best’...” Charles pondered and his grandfather added: “Or, perhaps in your case, grandmother!” And while Elizabeth was left entirely confused, the King and the young Prince exchanged a mischievous glance, and Charles knew exactly what he had to do…

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Like grandfather, like grandson - Chapter 2

“And you really don't know what he's up to?” Virginia asked and looked at her flatmate in disbelief, but Camilla shookher head. “I tell you - I have no idea, not the slightest!” “But it sounds very serious…”, Virginia said, as she looked at the noble invitation card that a courier had brought earlier today once more. It was terribly fancy and elegant, even with The King’s cypher on it, but it only revealed a time when she’d be picked up by a driver and suggested that she’d be dressed in “day dress”, so it couldn’t be too serious, Camilla tried to soothe herself. She had been dating Charles for about six months now and though she had always been really fond of him, it had taken her a while to realise that she was actually in love with the young Prince. A part of her still tried to deny it but deep in her heart, she knew it was true. Previously, she had been on and off with Andrew for almost five years; she had been head over heels in love with him and therefore forgiven him all of his escapades, the endless “slips” and the notorious cheating, but when she had caught him in flagrante with none other than Princess Anne at the edge of a polo match at Windsor Castle in one of the stables last summer, it had been enough humiliation for her. She had lost it completely and in a very strange twist of fate, that crying little mess she had turned into after her painful discovery, had bumped into none other than Prince Charles. She had been incredibly embarrassed at first, but he had been so wonderful, had taken her into his arms, held and comforted her lovingly and didn't even ask questions. In fact, he hadn't until now and she was more than grateful for it. Since that day, they had started seeing each other regularly. Charles had taken her out for walks, rides, the theatre and opera, they had been hunting together and he even took an interest in her drawings (though she herself considered them terrible, quite in contrast to his…), he had encouraged her to take proper classes which she had actually done and enjoyed immensely… he had shown her a whole new world and introduced her to so many things she hadn't been open to beforehand. Andrew had only ever taken her to dinners, parties or to the polo but Charles was so knowledgeable and interested in so many different things, it was mind-blowing really, he was mind-blowing, and before she could've thought about anything twice, she had found herself head over heels in love with the young Prince. Her sister was already teasing her, calling her “Your Royal Highness” but marrying Charles was out of the question for her. As much as she loved him and as happy as he made her - he needed and deserved a wife literally “fit for Queen” - and that was not her. If only he wasn't a future King, she could've come to terms with an Earl or a Marquess perhaps, but a Prince? The mere imagination almost frightened her to death. “Goodness, Virginia, I hope he doesn't have any… ideas…” 

Camilla couldn’t quite believe her eyes as the car that had picked her up actually drove through the main gates of Windsor Castle about 45 minutes later. She had never been here before, at least not inside of the Castle and suddenly felt incredibly underdressed in her cute, knee-length dark blue velvet gown, but she had dressed exactly in accordance with the dress code on the mysterious invitation. The car slowly made its way up to the quadrangle and eventually stopped in front of the main entrance, and her heart beated like mad as she got out of the car and followed an equerry through the main entrance - where her Prince was already waiting for her and greeted her with an affectionate kiss, which she, however, joined only reluctantly given the presence of the servant, who, thank goodness, discreetly disappeared. “Hello my beautiful darling.” Charles smiled tenderly and his loving and admiring eyes all over her gave her a thousand little butterflies immediately. “Hello you.” She replied softly and gently patted his bum which made him laugh. “What have I done to deserve an invitation to such an exclusive place?” She asked, looking at him in expectation, but he just smiled and softly whispered: “I wanted to show you something which I'm sure you'll love.” Before he playfully took her by the hand and guided her through the corridors of the ancient castle. Camilla didn't even know where to look at, it was simply incredible to be wandering through the mediaeval walls and to think of all the historic people, the Kings and Queens of long gone centuries, who'd been wandering around here just like that before, until Charles stopped in front of a huge door, asking her to close her eyes. She was a bit afraid of what might happen but she loved and trusted him so she did as requested while he tenderly placed both of his hands on her shoulders, carefully and slowly guiding her into the next room. 

Though Camilla didn’t cheat and kept her eyes closed tightly, she sensed the sunlight possibly shining through a huge window front and a slightly woody, smokey and earthy smell which almost drove her mad with excitement and curiosity. Where was he taking her and what did he want to show her? “Careful, darling, here’s a table…”, he said and gently helped her walk around, until he finally motioned her to stop and turned her around. “Alright, darling.”, he whispered and she could literally hear his loving smile just by the way he had said this. “Open your eyes…” She immediately did as requested and found herself in front of an old and obviously priceless, wooden desk with a huge, and apparently just as old and priceless book with a thick red leather binding, gilded with the most exquisite ornaments of gold in each corner. “This is Charles I’s copy of ‘The Complete Works of Shakespeare.”, Charles explained and reverently stroked over the red leather binding. “Oh… Wow… Goodness me!” Camilla exclaimed breathlessly, desperately trying to realise what an incredible piece of history was lying just in front of her. “It was read and annotated by my ancestor while he was imprisoned during the Civil War here at Windsor Castle.”, he went on, carefully taking her hand and placing it on the book cover as well. The leather felt incredibly beneath her finger tips and Camilla couldn’t even grasp what treasure she was touching right now. “He was reading it more or less up until he was executed.”, Charles went on and carefully opened the book, unerringly turning to the contents page. “Darling, look, here’s where he started writing in characters.”, her Prince whispered, once again, solemnly touching the original handwriting of his ancestor - and there were, indeed, characters from some of the works written next to the respective play. “That… is his handwriting?”, Camilla asked, completely overwhelmed and unbelieving as she marvelled at the pages. “It is.”, the Prince confirmed and she couldn’t believe how beautiful and accurate the former monarch’s handwriting was.

“What’s this about, darling, ‘Benedick and Beatrice?” She asked, regarding a handwritten note from King Charles I next to the listing of Shakespeare’s “Oh.” Charles cleared his throat. “That was an alternative title for ‘Much ado about nothing.’ And, look, here he wrote ‘Pyramus and Thisbe’ next to ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” He excitedly showed her and Camilla frowned her forehead. “But they’re such… Quite minor characters if I may say so.”, she remarked and he agreed: “It’s strange, isn’t it?”, he replied and  suddenly suggested: “Why don't you read a bit from that piece?” They’d been talking about it, she knew he loved it just as much as she did and so she happily agreed. “Okay…” Leaving him turning to the respective page.. Eventually, she reached Act 2, Scene 1, dramatically reciting Helena: “I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, To die upon the hand I love so well.” When, suddenly, her Prince took her hand and got down on his knee. “My sweet, beautiful darling Camilla…”, he began, and had her all teared up immediately. Of course she knew what was going to come next… what she had been dreading and at the same time longing for ever since that one fateful day back in June… “‘I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, To die upon the hand I love so well’ - Darling, there is only one hand I’d ever want to die upon because I love it so well - and that’s yours. Ever since I’ve met you - or rather: ever since we’ve been a couple - my life has become so much lighter and happier, everything seems more joyful and brighter, now, that I can share it with you. Camilla, Darling, I want to share everything with you. I want to be with you every day, every night, I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I fall asleep at night… I want you to be my wife, my Princess, and, so God will, one day, my Queen!” With that, he pulled out a little black velvet jewellery box, reverently opening it. Camilla, who had meanwhile got down on her knees in shock and emotion as well, couldn’t quite believe her eyes when she eventually acknowledged the priceless ring her Prince was offering her… “Camilla, will you marry me?”, he finally asked solemnly and she felt as if somebody was choking her. This ring, and this whole atmosphere was just…. perfect. They were anything any girl could ever dream of - but she was not one of these girls. She was not… worth it. She’d had boyfriends before and certainly broke more than just a handful of rules throughout her youth and her sweet, lovely and gorgeous Prince, no matter how cute and innocent he was, could not possibly seriously ask her this question. “Charles, Darling, listen I…”, she started with an insecure voice. “I love you, I, I really do! But I can’t marry you… I’m not… What you’re looking for. I could never be the wife you need and deserve…” And with this, she pushed the ring back into his hands, her own hands shaking. She was so confused and actually had to hold back some tears. This was all way too much and way too unexpected. But way too wonderful, too. Her mind was so confused.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Like grandfather, like grandson - Chapter 1

First of all, I'd like to wish a very happy new year to you all! New year, new story - don't worry about Thea, we'll keep on following her journey as well, but somehow, after re-watching The Crown last week, I was inspired to something else - and I'm curious for your opinions!

What if… King George VI had not died of cancer in 1952, Princess Elizabeth had not ascended the throne only aged 25, and young Prince Charles of Edinburgh had grown up having his grandfather guiding him through the ways of the world…?

Chapter 1

23rd November, 1972

“Hello, my darling boy!”, his elderly grandfather greeted Charles affectionately as the two of them met, as they've always done ever since the young Prince could remember, on this rainy Thursday at 11.30 am at Buckingham Palace. “Hello grandpa!”, Charles replied, kissing both of his grandfather's cheeks before bowing down to him. “How are you doing? How's your cough?” As if on command, the elderly King was stricken by another, rather rough cough attack which immediately caused his caring grandson to rush to his side and help him getting seated in one of the red chairs on the dining table. “Not too bad, not too bad…”, the King tried to play down his health issues as per usual; he didn't want to raise anyone's concerns and thought he was lucky enough to have recovered from the wretched cancer all of those years ago at all. Though he'd never really got back into his old shape, he was still around and felt very humble and grateful for that. Every year - every day actually - he could spend with his family, his beloved wife and daughters and of course his darling grandson Charles, who was all his pride and joy, was a gift to him, a gift he wanted to enjoy to the full, for himself and his loved ones. He didn't want them to worry about him, he was far more interested in hearing everything his loved ones were up to, and especially the lad of course. “Mama has asked me to forward her and Papa’s very best wishes to you!”, Charles began, as per usual, with a little update on his parents. “Thank you!”, Bertie replied. “Where are they off to again this month…?” Travelling had become so different compared to when he and Elizabeth undertook their first joint overseas visits back in the 1930s, before the war, over the last couple of years, and the young people seemed to do everything at once, the whole Commonwealth within 10 days it seemed, and he had long lost count of the places his eldest daughter and son-in-law were visiting. He was just grateful for their sense of duty and dedication and for their popularity across all realms. “Tuvalu, grandpa.”, Charles explained giggling. “Oh, right.”, The King responded. “Is that where they worship your father as a God?”, he chuckled and Charles shook his head in amusement. “No, grandpa, that would be Vanuatu.” “Oh…”, Bertie said, just as a servant entered the room and brought them drinks.

“Anyway, tell me all of your news, my darling boy!”, the King asked after they had both been served a good glass of wine. “I'll be off to the Navy two weeks from now.”, Charles declared proudly, and his grandfather's eyes lit up immediately. Having served in the Navy himself, of course, he was beyond happy to see the son he never had following his footsteps. But somehow, he felt, there was something on the young Prince’s mind that seemed to dampen his joy. “What’s the matter, my dear?”, the sensitive King asked and gave Charles an especially reassuring and understanding glance. Charles blushed and lowered his eyes, well aware that his grandfather knew him better than anyone else and had, of course, noticed his insecurities at once. “Could it be about a certain girl…?”, Bertie asked carefully, smiling at Charles encouragingly. “Well…”, the Prince stuttered awkwardly, much to his grandfather’s amusement. “Maybe… Um, grandpa, listen, I… I wanted to ask you something…” His grandson’s unusually serious inflexion almost caused the elderly monarch to worry but the twinkle in Charles’ eyes let him know that whatever he was up to right now, it had to be something wonderful. “I… um, you might remember… Camilla Shand…”, he finally stuttered and Bertie frowned his forehead. “Shand? You mean, um… the daughter of… Baron Ashcombe?” “Granddaughter.”, Charles gently corrected him. “Oh, yes, right.” The King cleared his throat. He and Elizabeth used to meet with the young Baron back when he was the heir, and his former wife at some glamorous dinner parties hosted by Mrs Greville back in the golden twenties - back when they were still Duke and Duchess of York and though Sonia and Roland sadly divorced shortly after the war, especially Elizabeth had always stayed close with Sonia as well as her daughter Rosalind who, much to her parents’ regret had married way below her station and became Mrs Shand in 1946. Bertie himself had actually admired her for having chosen love above titles and wealth and he quite liked the lad. Bruce, if he recalled correctly, who maybe couldn’t offer what was considered an aristocratic background, had strongly and bravely defended their country during the awful war and even got imprisoned by the Germans…

Times had changed and if Bertie had learnt one thing from his almost 35 years on the throne, it was that love was stronger than convention. So the Shands, along with many other families, had been frequent guests at several fun Balmoral weekends ever since and Bertie remembered Charles and Anne playing with their two little daughters and son who’s name he sadly couldn’t recall for the moment… “Camilla…”, Charles pronounced it as if it was some kind of a prayer. “Her sister Annabel and her brother Mark.” “Oh, yes, I remember.”, Bertie said, taking a huge sip of his red wine. “And… What’s your question now, darling boy?” “Oh grandpa…”, Charles remarked, chuckling in some awkward kind of embarrassment. “You see… Camilla and I’ve been dating for a couple of months now and… I think… No, I don’t think, I know… I love her. She’s the one, grandpa. My soulmate. The one person in this world who truly understands me, who completes me… She’s warm and funny and loving and… oh, grandpa, I… I just feel like I’m flying! I’ve never felt such bliss and happiness before!”, he gushed and the pure joy in his grandson’s eyes sweetly reminded the elderly King of his own crush on the young Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who had had the very same effect on him. He had known she was the one almost at once, but it took him quite a while to convince her… It had been worth the wait though, they’d be happily married for 50 years next April and surely everybody agreed that she was the best and most devoted Queen Consort the United Kingdom had ever seen.

“Well, if that’s what you want to ask me, my darling boy…”, he began. “Then of course, you can count on my blessings! Let’s hope your Camilla won’t need as long to say ‘yes’ as your grandmother!”, he chuckled, but couldn’t even think of it any further, as his grandson excitedly jumped up and rushed over to him, hugging him affectionately. “Thank you, grandpa!”, he sobbed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” “But, Charles, darling… have you already got a ring for you girl?”, the King asked and Chalres looked at him as if he was a ghost. “A… ring… um…”, he stuttered, and  his grandfather burst into laughter. “I’ve told you, my lad!”, Bertie giggled. “You have to impress the ladies! Let’s have a look at our little treasure chamber together and find something fit for a future Queen…”

[what-if-queen-camilla]

How is the press towards Thea? And does she really understand her father's position as the future king?

We might learn more about that in the upcoming chapters... ;-)

For the press, I do believe that, at this point, it might have been a bit easier for them to be accepted as a couple, and a blended family, as I think the public might have been a little less cruel towards a child, especially as she is obviously very close to her two brothers, so that might have actually "helped" in a way.

I'm not sure whether she, aged 10 as she is now, really understands everything about how the monarchy works and her father and brothers' roles. She is a clever and sensitive young lady and will surely grasp it to the full when she is a bit older but right now, I doubt it...

What do you think? Thanks for the ask! :-)

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 45

14th December 1997

“Mummy look!”, Thea giggled, proudly holding up a gingerbread man she had decorated particularly funny. “He looks like grandpa!”, she chuckled and Camilla frowned her forehead. She couldn’t really see much resemblance between the biscuit and her father.”not grandpa Bruce!”, Thea explained. “Grandpa Philip…” Camilla took a closer look and burst out into laughter. There was, indeed, a certain resemblance to The Duke of Edinburgh, especially the grouchy expression on his face. She had always had very much respect and admiration for Charles’ father but she hadn’t forgotten the way he had treated them all, especially the children, on that one, heartbreaking day at Balmoral. Thank goodness, however, he had not, as Charles had expected, been behind the missing letters. As her Prince had told her, his mother had eventually found out that her Lady-in-Waiting had been acting on her own and stopped the letters between Thea and her brothers out of her own loyalty to the late Diana. Apparently, she had apologised but much to both their surprise, The Queen had for once been relentless and fired her Lady-in-Waiting. Camilla felt almost sorry for the old lady but Charles was than grateful that, for the first time in his life, his mother was on his side and defended his children from that evil. Obviously, they wouldn't be able to spend Christmas together, Charles and his sons would be at Sandringham with the rest of the Royal Family and she and Thea would celebrate with her family; on Christmas Day, the four of them, Tom, Laura, Thea and herself, would be at Ray Mill before going down to Dorset the next day, where the entire Shand family was going to meet up at Annabel and Simon’s place which was surely going to be a blast. The 27th was Andrew’s birthday so they’d all meet up at Rose and his place for another party and The Queen Mother had invited the two of them for New Year's at Birkhall again and that was something they were very much looking forward to. 

They almost didn’t hear  the ringing phone between making gingerbread men (and women!) and happily singing along to some Christmas songs, but Camilla noticed at the last minute and rushed over to pick up the receiver. “Good afternoon, Mrs Parker Bowles, Robert Fellows speaking…”, The Queen's Private Secretary greeted her and she winced. Goodness, what could he want from her? “Good afternoon, Robert, and a very happy third of advent to you!”, she managed to reply, trying to cover up her nervousness. “Thank you, Ma’am, and the same to you.”, Robert replied, and for a moment, Camilla wasn’t sure whether he had seriously just called her “Ma’am” or whether it had just been in her head. Robert on the other end of the line seemed  a bit nervous as well, as he repeatedly cleared his throat before finally revealing: “Her Majesty has asked me to get in touch and discuss the opportunity for Miss Theodora and you to join members of the extended Royal Family at the traditional pre-Christmas luncheon hosted by The Queen at Buckingham Palace on this coming Wednesday.” Camilla gulped heavily and sank down on the floor next to the phone. “Oh…”, was all that she could bring herself to respond, before adding: “That is… very kind. It’s just… a bit unexpected. And… I… have to discuss it with my daughter.” “Of course.”, Robert said. “Her Majesty would be delighted to welcome you both.” “When, um, would we have to be there?”, Camilla asked, almost automatically. “10am would be excellent.”, Robert said. “That’s a bit early for a luncheon, isn’t it?”, Camilla chuckled and, seconds later, bit her tongue. What a silly remark. Once again, Robert cleared his throat. “Her Majesty would like to have a quick hello with you before the others arrive.”, he added and Camilla felt as if somebody was squashing her heart. At this point, it was clear that under no circumstances she could turn down the very noble and generous invitation from Charles’ mother - and her daughter’s grandmother, no matter how surreal it all felt. “Yes, thank you Robert. We will be there. And please forward my very best regards to Her Majesty. I am beyond touched and very much look forward to Wednesday.” “I will, Ma’am.”, Robert promised, before adding: “Oh, and one more thing… Please do not mention any of this to Their Royal Highnesses The Prince of Wales or the Princes William and Harry. It is supposed to be a surprise.” “I see…”, Camilla agreed, before formally saying goodbye to The Queen’s Private Secretary and eventually hanging up the phone. She needed a moment to grasp what had just happened and realise what this incredibly kind gesture from Her Majesty meant for both of them. She shed a few tears but eventually got up again and returned to the kitchen, where Thea was still busy making gingerbread figures. “Darling?”, Camilla asked and her little daughter looked up at her. “Your grandmother has invited us both to her pre-Christmas luncheon at the Palace on Wednesday…”

Buckingham Palace, London, 17th December 1997

Though this wasn’t her first time at Buckingham Palace, Camilla had never felt more nervous as when the car drove her and Thea through the side gate and eventually stopped at the entrance. A servant opened the door first for her and then for Thea and greeted them both formally, before motioning them to follow him inside. “Have you been here before?”, Thea bubbled as they walked through several corridors, and Camilla nodded. “How many times have you been here?”, she then wanted to know. “I don’t quite remember…”, Camillas replied honestly. “A few times I suppose. The first time was when my grandmother Sonia She was appointed Officer, Order of the British Empire in 1959. Grandma took Auntie Annabel and me to accompany our grandmother as she was officially invested by… well, your grandmother.”, she said and couldn’t help smiling in amusement about the fateful connection between the two families. There had been relationships, affairs and true friendships between the women of her family and the Windsors for generations and now there was her sweet little angel, the “result” not only of her and Charles’ great love, but somehow of an almost a century old twist of fate. They were guided into a rather small and not too formal reception room. “Her Majesty will be here in a minute.”, the servant explained and motioned for them both to sit down on a chaise lounge. 

* Side notes:  1) The character of Lady Sarah Humphrey as a Lady-in-Waiting to the late Queen is completely made-up by me. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 2) Camilla’s grandmother Sonia was, indeed appointed Officer, Order of the British Empire in 1959, however I failed to find out anything about her investiture so that part is also a work of fiction, though I very much like to imagine something like that.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 44

1st December 1997

The next day was the first Sunday of Advent, and after the blended family had spent a fun evening playing board games, they had sent children to bed and Charles had fallen asleep in Camilla’s arms and been sleeping heavenly until she tenderly woke him with soft kisses around 8 am. “Am I dreaming, darling? Are you really here with me?”, he asked sweetly and looked at her with puppy eyes, which made her smile as well. “I am, darling.”, she whispered, kissing him once more, more longing this time and it didn't take long for him to be wide awake, happily joining her passion, leaving her moaning as his hands wandered all over her body, gently striking down the straps of her beautiful silk negligee…

Thank goodness, their bedroom was far enough away from the children's rooms so that only just the special sparkle in their eyes might have given away the privacy they had enjoyed before but that was certainly nothing the children would notice. After breakfast, Thea and the boys wanted to go outside which gave Charles and Camilla the opportunity to finally call Charles' Private Secretary in order to talk about the missing letters. While Charles was already entirely sure that only his parents, most likely his father, could be behind this, Camilla was a bit more reluctant with her allegations and wanted Mark to investigate unbiasedly. She didn't dare say something but somehow had a feeling that it was all different than it seemed. 

3rd December 1997

And she should be proven right: two days later, on Tuesday, she was called to Highgrove once again to join a meeting between her Prince and his Private Secretary. “I talked to the headmasters of Their Royal Highnesses’ respective schools, asking whether there might have been any issues with the mail recently.”, he began and both Charles and Camilla looked at him in expectation. “Both of them, who were by the way extremely kind and supportive, named a certain Lady Sarah Humphrey who… reportedly, on behalf of Her Majesty The Queen, instructed them to stop any incoming and outgoing correspondence between the Princes and Miss Theodora…” “I knew it!!!”, Charles rampaged, banging his fist on the table so that both Mark and Camilla winced, before storming over to his desk, grabbing the phone and dialling the number of his mother’s Principal Private Secretary, Robert Fellowes, who, on top of it all, also happened to be his late ex-wife’s brother-in-law. “Your Royal Highness…”, he greeted him formally, but Charles was not in the mood for chit-chat. “I need to speak to my mother right this instant!”, he explained, but Robert tried to explain that Her Majesty wasn't available at the moment as she was undertaking engagements out in London today and would only be back in about three hours. “Would you like me to note an important callback, Sir?”, Robert offered, but Charles sulkily declined. “No, Robert, that's not necessary. In that case, I'll come over myself and talk to her personally!”, he shouted, hung up the phone and motioned for his partner and Private Secretary to get up and follow him “Come on, we're going to London!’”, he commanded and while Mark disappeared in order to commission a car, Camilla looked at Charles in disbelief and anger and shook her head. “I'm not going anywhere.”, she declared, leaving Charles speechless for a few moments. “Thea comes home from school in a few hours and I will be there and welcome her.”, she added and he, though obviously not happy about the prospect of going alone, nodded in agreement. Of course, their little angel was their first priority and he got that she wanted to be there for her. At least one of his three children still had their mother at all, he thought bitterly, while swallowing his anger against his own. 

Buckingham Palace, London, a few hours later

“No, Charles, I have done nothing like that!”, The Queen defended herself unusually strongly. “I know that I have not always been happy about your extramarital… liaison and, of course, having an illegitimate child was the last thing I’d have wished for my heir, but I know how much you, and William and Harry, love Theodora and I’d never separate the boys from their sister, especially not following this very sad incident back in September.”, she declared, before clearing her throat and, once again unusually sensitive, adding: “I know how important the love and comfort of a younger sister can be when you are mourning a parent.” This was indeed a rather strange twist of fate, that, while he himself, aged almost 50, still had both his parents, his young sons were already half-orphaned. It was cruel and unfair, simply not the way it was supposed to be. And despite his empathic nature and sensitivity, he had to admit that, no matter how hard he tried, he could not actually feel their pain because he hadn't gone through it himself yet. Camilla, on the other hand, had lost her mother three years ago, of course, at an older age than William and Harry, but she could probably more easily relate to what they were feeling. As could his own mother, their grandmother, who had of course lost her father at a rather young age as well. “But… if it really wasn’t you…”, he pondered. “Who else could have asked your Lady-in-Waiting to arrange such an awfully mean scheme?” To him, it was almost clear that it could only have been his father. Granny would never do such a thing and nobody else was possibly in a position to give orders to her Lady-in-Waiting. “I don’t know.”, The Queen replied. “But I will find out. Leave it to me.” This wasn’t quite how Charles had expected things to turn out and he had to admit that leaving things to his mother wasn’t something he was very good in but apparently, as things were looking at the moment, he had no choice and just hoped they’d find out who was behind this nasty cabal and be able to solve it all…

Wishing all of you a very happy Christmas! I might have a special Christmas chapter for you tomorrow! :)

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 43

Late November 1997

Thea's heartwarming gesture towards her brothers had made it on almost every newspaper front page the next day and, though the whole country was still mourning immensely, there was something ominously uplifting and comforting about it. Camilla was of course incredibly relieved that everything had gone well and she was glad that most of the public didn’t seem to have an issue with Thea’s attendance of the funeral - especially not after her close bond with the Princes had become so visible, but somehow the sudden new attention scared and worried her. She had not expected there to grow so much interest in her daughter, especially as the occasion had been such a serious and saddening one but people seem to be obsessed with her little sweetheart, and much to her regret, there had been some journalists sneaking around the house and even Thea's school again but nothing serious had happened yet, thank goodness. She had told Charles and he'd been furious, determined to issue a public statement immediately, urging people and especially journalists to leave their daughter alone but Camilla had insisted that it might not be a good time for that, so shortly after Diana's funeral and with the whole country still in mourning. The boys were being so brave, they had returned to their respective boarding schools the week after and though Charles was hoping for them all to find some kind of normality again soon, Camilla doubted that anything was going to be normal again in the foreseeable future. 

And so a few weeks passed, the days got shorter and darker and everything inside of them as well. Thea wrote heartfelt letters to her brothers every week, but didn't receive a reply, Charles gave a few phone calls but always seemed short-handed and even his birthday passed without an opportunity for a meet-up. Camilla tried to keep herself busy reading books and painting, while she, amid that horrible new wave of public hatred she was facing, couldn't really go anywhere. Thank God, she had friends who did the shopping at Sainsbury for her and the children came and left as usual. She was incredibly worried about her little sweetheart Thea, though, as she was obviously missing her father and brothers immensely. Neither of them had an explanation of why William and Harry didn't write to her and Camilla hadn't dared ask Charles, who was totally overburdened with the sad situation as it was anyway. He'd taken Harry to Africa for a couple of days at the end of October, beginning of November, and, of course given the special connection Diana had had to the continent, the trip had been highly emotional and, as Camilla hoped, a bit healing for the young Prince. So it quite took her by surprise when, on a random Saturday afternoon in late November, the phone rang and none other than her beloved Prince was on the line, huskily asking: “Can you two come over to Highgrove tonight?” Camilla didn’t even think about it any further, but immediately said: “Of course, darling. We’ll be there!” She called for Thea who's whole face lit up at the prospect of seeing daddy tonight and, of course, she asked whether Will and Harry were there as well and Camilla gulped. “I, um, didn't even had the chance to ask.”, she explained. “It went so quickly… he was so short-handed again… I'm sorry, darling. But I'm sure we'll find out soon, so let's get ourselves ready and depart as soon as possible!” It was strange, probably ridiculous, but somehow, after all these weeks, Camilla felt really excited to see her Prince again tonight and wanted to look especially beautiful for him, so she put her hair in rollers and some makeup on her face, eyeliner and mascara and a bit of lip gloss, only a modest shade of pink, not too intrusive of course, but elegant and classy. She also dressed herself in a cute little, dark green velvet dress and something special underneath though she wasn’t sure whether it might actually go into action, however, she thought, just in case…

They arrived at Highgrove at around 6pm and were received by an equerry who escorted them inside, where all three, Charles, William and Harry were already waiting impatiently. “My little sunshine!”, Charles exclaimed and enthusiastically opened his arms for Thea, who threw herself onto him affectionately, before rushing over to her brothers and falling into their arms as well. It was a very touching scene to witness and Camilla shed a tear watching the three siblings reunited. “Darling.”, Charles whispered softly in her ear as he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. Of course, they didn’t want to be too wild in front of the children, but it had been a long time and it hadn’t taken much for her to forget herself. He smelled so good, and, oh, the way he looked at her… She took both his hands in hers and locked his eyes, his beautiful and soft, grey-blue eyes which looked so unhappy and sorrowful that it almost made her cry. She couldn’t wait to properly hug him later, when they’d be alone, to hold him and to kiss all of the pain aways that had undoubtedly tortured him over the last couple of weeks. “Why didn’t you write to us?”, Harry asked Thea and sounded equally reproachful and disappointed. “I did write to you!”, Thea defended herself, adding: “Every week! But none of you ever  replied to me!” Charles and Camilla got apart and slowly went over to the children. “I haven’t got a single letter from you!”, Harry reported and William confirmed, less reproachful but more sad: “Neither have I…” “But…”, Thea stuttered with tears in her eyes, desperately looking over to her mum for help. Camilla rushed over and bend down to her, pressing her against herself, while calmly explaining to William and Harry, that they had, indeed, sent out letters to both of them every week ever since their mother’s funeral. “And you really haven’t got one of ours either?”, William asked and Camilla shook her head. “No, none.” Charles had meanwhile joined the party and knelt down on the floor between his sons, opposite to Camilla and Thea, who were now looking at him in complete confusion and Camilla noticed worryingly that he was about to throw a tantrum - it was obvious that somebody had to deliberately have stopped the letters in order to prevent any correspondence between the Princes and their sister, and Camilla was just as shocked and angry as Charles - but they had to try and keep calm, at least in front of the children, she thought, so she cleared her throat and quickly took the floor: “Well, I’m sure we’ll be able to solve the mystery and find all of the missing letters.”, she said, trying to sound as calm and optimistic as possible.

Unintentionally, her glance met William’s, who seemed to understand immediately. “Hey Harry, let’s go and show Thea the new bunnies in the stables! They’re only just a few weeks old, very sweet.”, he suggested and Harry looked at him in complete confusion. “Why this now?”, he asked, but Thea was so excited about the prospect of seeing baby rabbits, that any resistance was futile in this case. As soon as the children had left the room, Charles couldn’t hold it back any longer and did, indeed, throw a tantrum. He almost screamed down the house in anger, disappointment and pain; not only about this unfortunate situation regarding the missing, or rather stolen, letters, but probably because of everything that had happened since that one, fateful last day of August… He had become a single father overnight, he had to cope with two mourning, half-orphaned teenage boys, he had been trying to stay strong for them, to look after them… but who had been looking after him? It almost broke her to see him in that state of mind and she wished she could just kiss it all away, she knew she couldn’t but at least she wanted to try, so she just sat down next to him, wrapped her arms around him and let him cry, tenderly stroking his hair and whispering sweet promises. “Regarding the letters, darling.”, she started after a couple of minutes. “I think we’d better ask Mark to try and find out what happened and… who might be behind it.”, she suggested and he nodded in agreement. “Yes, yes, darling. Let’s talk to him tomorrow…”

So, what do you think? Who might be behind this mean cabal and why?

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Can you plss update soon? I miss good fanfics on here. Thanks.

Thank you! I will update hopeefully later tonight or tomorrow at the latest! :-)

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Update soon pls? LOVING your story it's so captivative 👩‍💻👩‍💻👩‍💻

Thanks so much for reaching out and sorry for the long silence!

Been super busy with work and family but... I have an update for you soon I promise! :-)

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 42

That was a tough one to write. I hope you'll like it... and do take part in the poll! :-)

06th September 1997

Of course, Thea had agreed to go to the funeral with her aunt and cousins and so Camilla had taken her to London the next day, where they'd stay at her parents' Kensington flat until after the funeral was over, to get an appropriate outfit for Thea's first big public appearance. It still made Camilla feel uncomfortable that, out of all possible occasions, it had to be Diana's funeral and that she couldn't be by her side, but she trusted that her sweet little angel was going to do brilliantly. Still, it'd have been much nicer and easier if they'd just taken her to Royal Ascot or the Sandringham Flower Show next summer… So they went to Harrods and picked an elegant, yet unobtrusive, knee-length black dress with a matching coat for her. As a headpiece, they’d chosen an equally elegant yet unobtrusive, simple black headband as Camilla considered her a bit too young and her position too controversial to raise more attention towards herself than necessary by wearing something "fancy", she was well aware that all eyes would be on her and that, whatever she was wearing, people would undoubtedly scrutinise every step she'd take so Thea's outfit had to be perfect. She had also instructed her to always stay behind her cousins and next to Sarah, and always do everything Sarah did in exactly the same way in order to stay as inconspicuous as possible, only speak when somebody directly asked her something and always keep her eyes lowered, fixed on the ground, and somehow it had broken her heart that she had to say this. Nobody wanted to be invisible and usually she always tried to encourage her little girl and boost her confidence but this was different. At least a spokesman for Charles and his sons had issued a statement explaining that, at the express request of Their Royal Highnesses Princes William and Harry, their half-sister Miss Theodora Parker Bowles would attend the funeral of the late Diana, Princess of Wales. Of course, as expected, it had caused controversy but Camilla had been glad that at least the public had been "warned" that way; she didn't even want to imagine what a bombshell it'd have been, had they only got to know at the very moment. 

Sarah came over to pick up Thea early in the morning. She’d take her to Buckingham Palace, where apparently the whole family would be gathering together before the procession to Westminster Abbey would begin. That was going to be the hardest part for them all and the part Camilla was most afraid of. Her poor little darling had to stand outside Buckingham Palace, surrounded by the whole Windsor Clan, once Diana's coffin, followed by Charles, William, Harry and also the Duke of Edinburgh, would proceed past. The mere imagination of that scenario gave her goosebumps and the thought of her daughter having to go through this all by herself, without her by her side, while the entire planet was watching had caused her a complete sleepless night. Hopefully it wouldn't be too traumatising for Thea, hopefully the others would be kind, hopefully Charles and the boys would be okay… 

Before Sarah and Thea left, Camilla hugged her tightly and kissed her so affectionately that it almost scared Thea. "Mum, please. It's only for a few hours.", she said, probably not aware of the real meaning of it all, which was probably even best. "Yes, darling. I'll be thinking of you all day and when you come back later, we'll have a cosy evening, just the two of us." Camilla promised, pressing one last kiss on her daughter's cheek, and eventually waved them goodbye. 

She watched them getting into the car out of the kitchen window and burst into tears as the black Audi took off. She was so worried, and it killed her that there was nothing she could do to help. How on earth was she supposed to get through this awful day? Before she could have thought about it any further, the doorbell rang and she quickly dried her tears before rushing to the entrance hall and welcoming… “Andrew?" She hadn't been expecting anybody in particular but out of everybody she knew, her ex-husband was the last one she'd expected to show up. "I thought you might like to have a bit of company today…", he said, looking almost as worried as she herself. Though Thea was not his biological child, he had never stopped caring for and loving her like a father should. She still adored him and still went over for weekends every now and then. He still was, and would always be, her daddy as well and somehow, Camilla was pleased to see him and very touched by his thoughtful reaction. "Thank you, Andy.", she said, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek, motioning for him to follow her inside.

Buckingham Palace 

Despite the sad nature of the occasion and her undeniable nervousness and fear, little Theodora was quite impressed when she entered Buckingham Palace together with the Duchess of York. She had never been here before and it was magnificent. She'd very much have liked to enjoy a look around but somehow felt that it wasn't the day for it; Mummy had told her a thousand times that she absolutely had to follow Sarah's instructions, only speak when she was directly asked and keep her eyes lowered down on the floor. The Queen and members of the family had gathered in one of the reception rooms on the ground floor and while Thea was relieved that she didn't spot the Duke of Edinburgh anywhere, she was still looking out for her father and brothers. "They're not here, little one.", Sarah explained. "They will join the procession from the West Wing* and are already waiting there. We'll go outside any minute as well and watch them from the front gates. We have to send them all our love and support, will you do that?", Sarah asked and Thea nodded, when suddenly, much to her relief, Beatrice and Eugenie came over to say hello to their mother and cousin which made her feel less alone. She had also spotted The Queen and Princess Anne in a corner of the room but they didn't seem to have noticed her, and to her disappointment, Great-Granny was nowhere to be seen either. "She will only be at the service.", Sarah explained, and suddenly a bit of a rush occurred and Sarah reached out for her and Eugenie's hand, motioning for Beatrice to walk with Thea as well. "Come on, girls. Off we go.", she said and the four of them followed The Queen and the others through some corridors and eventually outside of the Palace.

"Dear God, look at the crowds!", Camilla sighed as the camera showed an especially impressive view of the thousands of people who had gathered around Buckingham Palace and The Mall to say their last farewell to their beloved Princess. "It's crazy.", Andrew replied. "It's busier than in 1981." He had to know. He'd been there, taking part in the procession at Charles and Diana's wedding. The camera moved to the front gate and the commentator described the scenes: “The Queen, Princess Margaret and other members of the Royal Family… standing outside Buckingham Palace…”, followed by a dramatic zoom out, featuring all of them in one picture. “There she is!”, Andrew exclaimed as they spotted their little girl, right behind her cousins Beatrice and Eugenie, just as Camilla had instructed her over and over again. It broke her heart to see her poor little darling standing there all on her own, but at the same time filled her with immense pride. Of course, she was only ten, but she already looked so beautiful and dignified and was doing so well. The camera moved over to the procession that had meanwhile reached the West Wing of Buckingham Palace, and eventually captured Charles, William, Harry, the Duke of Edinburgh and Earl Spencer, who were all going to join in and walk behind the coffin in a minute. Camilla couldn’t hold back her tears any longer as she saw her love’s and his son’s pain in their eyes… What an awfully hard and sad journey it had to be, and how much she wishes she could be there with them, be there for them. Andrew gently took her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “She’ll be fine, Milla.”, he said, and just like that, the camera once again, moved over to the royal party gathering at the front gate, just in time for them to witness a rather heartwarming scene between Thea and her Uncle Edward, who was obviously whispering something to her, following which she hesitantly made her way to the front row, right between her two cousins. Before Camilla had the chance to worry any further, the procession reached the main entrance of Buckingham Palace and both mourning sons, William and Harry, turned their heads towards their family and Camilla felt like her heart stopped beating as she, along with the majority of the world’s population, watched Thea blowing a loving kiss to her heartbroken brothers… 

*in reality, they only joined the procession from St James's Palace but I really wanted to have this special sibling moment.

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 41

04rd September 1997

Camilla had vehemently refused to even discuss the completely insane idea of Theodora attending Diana's funeral - first with Charles, then with his Private Secretary, and eventually with the Queen’s Private Secretary. Under no circumstances was she going to allow her poor little daughter to have to go through that awful ordeal - no matter how much her brothers apparently wished for their sisters to be by their side. She herself attending the funeral was of course out of the question, Charles and the boys would have to walk behind the coffin - so who would even look after Thea? She was only 10 years old, she could hardly attend such an event on her own, especially not given how public it was all going to be - not to speak of the controversy her attendance would undoubtedly cause. No, that was not going to happen.

"Maybe Granny can take care of her…", Charles, once more, suggested but Camilla was relentless. "No, darling. I'm sorry for the boys but I can't do that to her. I get that they'd want her by their side and that means a great deal but we can't allow that. It would be too traumatising for her." "But it wouldn't be her first funeral. She did attend your mother's!" "But that wasn't a fucking State Funeral!", Camilla replied. She couldn't believe that they were even discussing this. "This isn't a State Funeral either.", Charles pointed out and Camilla rolled her eyes. "It's a State Funeral in all but name. And it's… darling, please! Do you have any idea what the press will say if the literal product of your affair shows up at the funeral of your ex-wife??? They'll rip it into pieces, they'll rip HER into pieces, and I'm not going to allow that! The answer is and always will be no!" With that, she hung up the phone, sunk down on her bed and started crying. 

She couldn’t count all the tears she had been crying since the dreadful day that had changed everything anymore, not even for her own sake, but for Charles, William and Harry, and of course also for Thea who so longed to be there for her brothers which of course was incredibly sweet and touching but the mere imagination of her daughter at that funeral, without her, surrounded by that family and millions of people watching live all over the world almost caused her a heart attack. Thea herself had expressed her wish to support her brothers several times but Camilla was too afraid to even consider any of the suggestions that had been made so far. “We will light a candle and say a prayer and then watch it together on television.”, she had promised her, but Thea hadn’t been convinced. “I want to be with my brothers!”, she had declared over and over again and a part of her understood that. For nothing in this world would she have let Annabel and Mark alone at their mother’s funeral, but apart from the fact that they had all been adults at the time of Rosalind’s death, they had all been her children. In this case , however, it wasn’t only about Thea not being Diana’s daughter but actually being Camilla’s, the one person that was once more being blamed for the breakdown of Charles and Diana’s marriage, Diana’s misery and heartbreak and eventually, even her death. The atmosphere in the country was hugely emotional and the hatred she was facing had dramatically increased again; she had stopped looking at the newspapers and was very glad that a very kind neighbour was doing the shopping for her at the moment as she hardly dared leaving the house. It was all hard enough for Thea already, how could anyone in their right might even consider exposing her to the public like that? 

The phone rang and Camilla expected it to be Charles again, of course he wasn’t accepting her to end the call the way she just had and, actually, she wasn’t either. Especially following Diana’s accident they both made sure to assure the other how much they loved each other even more often, for you never knew what might happen… “Darling, listen I-”, she began, but was then interrupted by a totally unexpected voice: “Camilla? Sarah speaking…” “Sarah?” It was indeed Sarah, daughter of her good friend Susan, and, coincidentally, ex-wife of Charles’ brother Andrew, The Duke of York. “I’m sorry to be bothering you…”, Sarah started to excuse herself, but Camilla rushed to ensure that she was not bothering her at all. “That’s a lovely surprise. How, um… how are you doing?” She hadn’t even finished her question when she already regretted it: How was she supposed to be doing? She and Diana had been close. She had to be heartbroken. “Sarah, listen, I’m so sorry for… everything. I know you were close…” “We were…”, Sarah answered with a teary voice. “Thank you. But I reckon it’s not easy for you either, is it?” Camilla sighed. “That is so kind of you to ask.”, she said. “No, it’s… it’s been a very sad week for us, too.” “I can imagine. How is Thea? Bea told me that William and Harry told her about…” She didn’t have to go on, Camilla knew what she was talking about immediately and wasn’t sure whether she’d feel ashamed because so many people knew already, or maybe even relieved because she was aware that Sarah wasn’t in the easiest position either following the York’s divorce last year so in some ways the two of them were pretty much fellow sufferers and could possibly support each other. “Thanks for asking. She is… alright, I’d say.”, Camilla replied. “As best as possible under the given circumstances. She so wants to be there for her brothers and, apparently, William and Harry want her to be by their side on Saturday but…” Her voice broke and she couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. It was so sad. These poor children shouldn't have to be suffering from their parents’ mistakes the way they were. A sister should be able to be there for her grieving brothers if she wanted to, especially if that was the brothers’ wish as well. It was not fair. “I don’t know whether anyone has told you, Camilla, but I’m going with the girls. I’d be happy to take Thea, too. She could sit with us, with her cousins. I’d take care of her, I promise you.” For a few seconds, Camilla was speechless and didn’t know what to say. No, she had not known that Sarah was going to attend the funeral but her offer was so generous. Of course, that would be a great solution. Sarah had always been a wonderful mother for Beatrice and Eugenie and would surely take good care of Thea on the day as well. Thea and Bea were close in age, almost exactly one year apart and, of course, cousins. They knew each other from Balmoral and got along exceptionally well. “Oh Sarah, that… is so kind of you, I… I don’t know what to say.”, she stuttered, still with a teary voice. “It’s nothing, Camilla, really.”, Sarah said. “Ask her and let me know how you both will decide so we can arrange everything.” “I will. Thank you, Sarah.”

[what-if-queen-camilla]

I'm in a bit of a writer's block...

What would you like to read next? How do you think or imagine things to turn out for our characters?

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 40

... a bit of a shorty today but the next one's going to be longer again :-)

31st August 1997

Thea had been sobbing in her lap until Mark had dropped them off at Raymill House again some three hours later, and Camilla had been crying too, silently, but seeing her little sweetheart suffering so much, the heartbreaking pictures of William and Harry, and Charles of course, which simply didn't go off her mind, as well as Prince Philip's verbal slaps in everybody's faces… it all felt like some sort of a horror film, and it got even worse when Thea told her how Charles had told them in the morning, apparently trying to be as careful and empathic as possible, but then had been rudely interrupted by a ranting Prince Philip commanding them to get ready for Sunday Church Service. Camilla couldn't believe what she'd just heard. "You didn't actually go to Church, did you?", she asked, preparing herself for the worst. How could anyone possibly expect those poor boys to attend a fucking Sunday Service after they'd just been told that their mother had died in an accident? How could anyone possibly be so cruel? And, with all due respect, how could Charles, whom she loved more than anything and of whom she knew that he loves his children more than anything, possibly let that happen? "We did, Mummy, but it was awful.", Thea sobbed. "I was in the back row with great-granny, but Will and Dad and Harry were forced to sit in the front and Grandpa was ranting all of the time. Grandma and Dad initially didn't want us to go but he said we had to pull ourselves together so they were all fighting and screaming and Harry was crying and Grandpa was ranting even more…", Camilla shook her head and carefully stroked her daughter's back as she let her talk. She was glad that she could get it off her pure, little heart but it almost broke hers. She loved Charles and of course respected his family, especially his mother. But what they had done to these poor children today was just awful and the fact that her Prince hadn't been able to protect them made her incredibly sad and worried. He was just as much of a victim as they were, though she didn't believe for a second that any of this had been done with bad intentions. His parents were from a different generation and surely only meant well. They had always been considerate of what was best for the Crown and Country rather than for a member of the "firm" as a person and their feelings, it just wasn't their priority and didn't matter in the general "long run". It kind of frightened her how much power over the children the monarchy as an institution had and how little the parents. As she had said to William and Harry, she and Diana certainly hadn't been friends but somehow she felt that Diana would never have let anyone treat her sons like that, not even the Queen, and she wouldn't either. But what choice did Diana have at the end, she wasn't there anymore to protect them and Charles was way too much under the institution's thumb himself… And suddenly a horrifying thought crossed her mind. Had it been the other way around and something had happened to her, what would possibly happen to Thea? Who'd look after her and… how? Of course she'd want her to stay with her father, but what exactly would that look like? Would she really be with him, would he be able to properly be there for her or would she end up being given from one nanny to another until she was old enough to be send to a boarding school and only see him a few short weeks a year during the summer break when they were all up in Scotland together with the entire family? And how would she be treated there? 

“Mummy?”, Thea’s heartbroken, little voice pulled Camilla out of that train of thoughts and the sight of her poor little girl with her still tear-stained face, looking all lost as stood in the door frame, Mr Rabbit, the giant cuddly bunny she had got from Andrew all those years ago and who still slept in her bed every night, in her arms, made her wince once more as well. Immediately, she put her wine glass and the book she hadn’t read in anyway on her bedside table and opened her arms for her daughter. “Oh, darling, come here!”, she said, a teary voice as well, and Thea jumped onto her bed, throwing herself into her mother’s arms. “It’s alright, darling, it’s alright…”, she tried to comfort her, tenderly patting her back, but she was having a hard time pulling herself together. A part of her still refused to believe that it was real. Diana’s death, everything that meant for Charles, William and Harry, and of course also that unpleasant encounter with the Queen and Prince Philip at Balmoral earlier. She hadn’t heard from Charles again yet and she was incredibly concerned. She knew that he’d have needed her by his side, she would have loved to help as best as she could, and it still felt so heartbreakingly wrong to her that they had had to separate Thea and her brothers. She was glad that her little girl was here with her, safe and loved, but leaving the poor boys and their overstrained, helpless dad the even more overstrained Duke of Edinburgh had simply broken her heart. God only knew when she was going to hear from him again, when they were going to see each other again and when Thea was going to be reunited with her brothers again…