whatifwearenotbears-blog

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Too bloody to inspire, but still...

If I lose contact with my feelings, I read something about a war. Right now I've read an article about Horchposten 1941 - that's an exhibition in the State Museum of Political History of Russia. It was in Russian, so I won't attach it, but its body consisted of extracts from letters, diaries and memoirs of Russian and German soldiers, who were in the World War II. How terrible that war was. How terrible all the wars are. Why people have to fight at all? When I read such things, I feel so much alive, so sentient. My writing becomes strong and powerful, it bleeds with every line, but how terrible are wars, how stupid and unfair they are. That's not a source of inspiration at all, it's much more like punching yourself to awake. After I stop writing, I'm silent for a whole day.

BTW yesterday was the Defender of the Fatherland Day. Big holiday in Russia, that's why I'm on a little vacation now.

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Read and listen

There are audial persons, visual and kinesthetic. I suspect I'm none of them. The only way I can experience or learn something is through reading. That's why I don't watch documentary films instead of reading a bunch of dusty books (haha, no, for my researches I read only e-books because I still love my lungs and spine). And that's why when I see beautiful pictures of French clothes of the 17th century I immediately look for description. I don't know what I see until I read it - maybe this effect is caused by some kind of cerebral affection if I have one. And today I made sure that I'm a reading person. Right now I'm listening to a Korean boy band, and I'm enjoying it very much. But I haven't noticed this music until I read like a really good fanfic about the group. And now I'm listening more to my own imagination than to music itself. idk is it normal or not?

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Weekends at home - isn't it charming and so on? If I will be still alive at 15:00 on Thursday, the rest of the week I will spend at my mum's. It means no writing Schöne Leute, no writing posts (I guess you're going to miss me very much), no reading my Klassische Chinesische Prosa, and no other things I love. My mother thinks that routine is an indispensable thing, but not very much. You ought to be stuck to your regime, and this does not mean that you ought not to spend all your time relaxing. So I must do my weekly stint in two days. Sniff-sniff. And I'm feeling now not really good. Is it a cold or the chickenpox? Oh, I hope I won't be ill. Went to work, sniff(

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Weekly progress 1

Well, I was supposed to write it on Sunday, but I completely forgot about it. (I also forgot English keyboard and the word "completely". I've written it the second time for today, and twice I wrote it wrong.) Well, with Schone Leute it moves along. By now it's ca 5400 words, and all these words are one episode. Maybe I protract all these talks for too long? Yet I've written almost everything I wanted. A little bit - and I can move to a scene at home. On Friday I had some kind of existential crisis, but on Monday I took a grip on myself, sat down and wrote my daily piece. Ain't I a super clever girl?

With my course paper everything is too complicated. I haven't met my research instructor yet though she's supposed to read us lectures about the history of Russian literature. Today I have her class; maybe we'll settle my theme at last.

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Development of characters

When I was writing my last work, I could cope with seven characters and keep them living and individualised, but I all the time felt uncertain, like I had lost sight of something important.  I don't know, if it is true - I still haven't reread this work, but when I was preparing for my Schöne Leute, I decided to develop my characters more properly to feel confident with them. Well, with the leads there was no problem at all. I have been writing about them for about a year, so I know everything about their personalities.

With supporting characters it was more difficult. I tried different systems of developing characters, and I liked none of them. James Frey's three aspects are too vague, questionaries with hundreds of points too detailed. Besides, I know nothing about any character before I start to write about him. The more I write - the more I know, the more profound becomes his personality.

I tried to join the flats and make my own system, but, maybe, I tried not enough. After all I decided to decide upon making sketches for supporting character. By now I'm writing about how they go to work, so I can describe two big and important parts of their everyday life - their home, family and habits, and what they do for living. Not bad, I think.

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My neighbour’s camera leaves much to be desired, and mine is even worse, but I like this photo. That’s where I’m living! 

I still think that this district is closer to village, than to city. But twenty minutes on foot (or even less - it depends on where you’re going), and you’re on a normal, civilised street. I got used to it with time. Sometimes private sector can be even beautiful.

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Sometimes all this is too difficult. Had been writing 1000 words for one hour and a half, wanted to drop, distracted. Just finished. The piece is just fine, exactly what I wanted, now I want to tell about it someone, but there's nobody online. Sometimes our struggle stays unseen. I want some rest and a cookie.

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Today is the writing day!

Because there is a case of chickenpox in our dormitory, and I hadn't it in my childhood, and I'm 22 years old, and for adults this infection is hell, so I'm preparing to be infected and die in agony. What a helluva good day to write something! A lot of something, so if I die, nobody would notice it for a week.

( A little tip - if you go to sleep hungry, your next morning will be bright and productive just like mine. Or not. Anyway, I’m not going to eat until night. There is so much to do...)

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Schöne Leute are officially started

All right, I did it. I haven't read the Daily Life in Rembrandt’s Holland till the very end (till the very half, to be precise), but I just sat down, reread draft of the first scene and... moved forward. Yes, I will be blaming myself later because of improper research, but for now everything is just fine.

Maybe I should translate something into English? I have one lil project with hands cut off, and a bigger one, where a whole body was dismembered... Well, these are obviously not for now. I don't know what is more disgustingly - my themes or my English, haha.

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My references for Holland in the 17th century (Part II)

And only now I came to the biggest and most difficult part of my research. Of course, I should have done it before reading about ballet and stuff, but that's how I did that. So, Holland in the 17th century. The first book I've read about daily life of this country was The Making of Home by Judith Flanders. In fact, I've chosen Holland because of her. Judith tells about "home countries" - places, where people were especially attached to their houses, and Holland is one of these countries. Maybe I can even say that Holland was one of the oldest countries of this sort. And as for my characters home is their soft spot, I decided, that they will live in some kind of "fantasy Netherlands". Back to The Making Home. This book is perfect to give you an overview of developing daily life. There's a lot of useful and statistics about furniture, architecture, cooking, raising children, washing and so on, but it's not specialised on country and century I needed most.     The second book is If Walls Could Talk: An Intimate History of the Home by Lucy Worsley.  OK, I know - it is about England, and I'm writing about fantasy Holland, and daily life of these countries is strikingly different. But this book is so good! My Mum was cooking, and I was sitting near her and reading aloud, how people made their beds in good old times (I hoped this information will destroy her idyllic picture of England in the 19th century, haha. It didn't.) And natürlich I was taking notes. And when you have a synopsis of a book you don't really need, you cannot help using it, even if you do not need this. When I will be writing about Venice in the 17th century, I won't make this mistake again, I promise. And the last, but not the least is the Daily Life in Rembrandt's Holland by Paul Zumthor.  It is marvellous! I was over the moon when I found it! Firstly, it is about exactly that lace and century I needed. Secondly, it is as breathtaking, as the other two (OK, maybe it's not really breathtaking, unless you're a nerd like me). In fact, if you have this book, you'll need only it and a tiny bit of internet for your story to make it living and historic (kinda).   Did you know that particularly every fantasy with guilds is based on the Netherlands model? I didn't. 

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My references for Holland in the 17th century (Part I)

From my first big story I've learned this: The more material you have, the less time you will spend on the Internet looking for the recipe of

Navarin d'agneau aux légumes de printemps later. (And you won't be in situation where you totally messed up the first scene because you had no idea how kitchen works in Vapiano restaurants.)

Firstly I've chosen subjects, that will be nibbled at during my story. My characters are magicians - well, I've already had some thoughts, where I can take their spells (thanks, Safety management in emergencies, you're very helpful). 

One character is a ballet-dancer. That was much more difficult. Well, I could watch Black Swan and relax, but I'm not very good at taking information from movies. I'm much more a book person. So I've started to look for memoirs of dancers. That was a dead end - Russian dancers wrote basically about emigration. I've thumbed a bunch of books and switched to novels. Amélie Nothomb and her Book of Proper Names was a waste of time. I had a feeling, that she doesn't know, about what she is writing - everything was too hurried, too shaky. No information and no proper emotion.

My salvation became Russian book Виллисы, или Танцующие призраки by Yuriy Korotkov. If you find it in English, read it immediately - it has a lot of useful details.

I've already said, that I don't like watching movies to get information. Bit Flesh and Bone is good enough, I watch it to inspire. Pain, intrigues, determination and nudity - everything I like.

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What is going on here

I like to regard things I've got to do as some kind of projects. By now I have three big and important for me projects - firstly, it's my course paper and secondly, it's my novel. The novel is already started by now. It takes place in a fantasy world, that is oddly akin to Holland in the 17th century. I'm going to add into the everyday life of that time and place (that is already mad enough, I think, with no toppings) a little bit of ballet, necromancy and shady enterprises of all sorts. The working title is "Schöne Leute" - "Pleasant People" in English. All the characters are really pleasant, even if they do crooked things. Love my lil kittens oшo And - ah! - my course paper. I still haven't a theme, but I know that it will be something based on Christian Kracht's 1979. Maybe I will take something about symbolism. It's a solid, safe theme, exactly what fresh and inexperienced philologist needs. Well, everything will be settled down on Tuesday.