whitelotusherald

[whitelotusherald]

Funniest coming out question was so far was "isn't it going to make dating harder? wait, you're into guys, I thought you like girls???"

I mean

It's not like I don't have lesbian vibes as probably all trans guys do before transitioning but excuse me :D

I'm offended :D I've never ever stated to like girls. Even my celebrity crushes are guys (okay with a few exceptions).

I also had to explain to my colleague that no, gender identity and sexual orientation are NOT connected, I'm not trans because I like girls lol. I'm just trans because I'm trans, and on a totally unrelated note I'm into guys.

Also, I still love how everyone has very different questions! It's a lot of fun and helps me chill because the whole situation makes me emotionally exhausted and the education part is kinda relaxing - the worst is over and people try to understand my situation in their own ways.

[whitelotusherald]

All papers sent to the surgeon's assistant, 10 days till surgery!

I truly hope they won't find anything that would crush all my hopes.

So in the meantime I'm preparing.

Bought waist and neck pillow, lidocaine cream, silicone gel for wound care, dry shampoo, roll-on deodorant (easier to handle than the stick), dustpan with long stick so I can easily sweep up the litter my cat keeps leaving around the flat. Also ordered a bunch of cheap, large button up shirts. (I have exactly TWO things I could wear post surgery, one is a larger shirt, the other is my samue I bought back when I was a Watsuki-fan. I checked and it's the perfect thing to wear when you can't really move your arms. Plus, no buttons, just strings you have to tie, pretty easy.)

I've also asked at my local pharmacy if they accept Austrian prescriptions, I basically shoved a T gel's prescription in the face of the poor guy at the counter but he assured me it's doable. They just have to order it as they don't have it on stock (who would have guessed).

Oh, and I'm being super annoying by announcing random people who know about my surgery how many days are left lol

[whitelotusherald]

i love that one old timey 1910s trans dude who has a tiny wikipedia page for himself that he earned entirely due to him starting fights in bars and being the city’s hottest casanova

[whitelotusherald]

All examinations before surgery & HRT - done 🏳️‍🌈

Last week I had my last rounds before surgery.

Had a complex blood test - the assistant was quite baffled as I'd requested a price list previously but that had different tests as I was thinking of doing HRT at a different place. Last week I turned up with a list that had stuff like HIV test and the like lol. (I don't know why it's required either lol.) The assistant was also not very helpful when I asked if I'd need to do a test for APC resistance as I'd had it done 15 years ago or so. She was adamant it can change over time despite me pointing out I have heterozygous factor V Leiden mutation and back then I'd been told the APC resistance would stay the same forever due to this mutation. Anyway, this cost me extra money to do again...

In the end most of my values are within the normal range, just 4 are a bit lower or higher than desired - out of like 40. So I truly hope this won't hinder my surgery.

Especially since my hand now looks like a Monet painting.

Also had the final examination, ECG on Friday where it took longer to help the doctor to untangle the cables of the machine than the examination itself... Which ended up showing completely normal values.

I've also started to fill out the necessary documentation, I'll just need to clear if they can contact anyone BUT my relatives in case of emergency since it would be so ridiculous for them to learn about my surgery that way lol.

24 days till the surgery and as one of my colleagues pointed out I should buy an advent calendar for the countdown

[whitelotusherald]

Still speedrunning through my Life Project.

Had two more coming outs at my job and these will be the last ones before having a team meeting about me transitioning (if all goes well). One was more like an "okay we have nothing to talk about but still have 20 minutes left of our one-to-one and I don't want you to surprise me with some sudden extra task so let me just come clean why I'm having a surgery actually" conversation with my boss. He was quite okay with the topic despite not knowing anything about it, though I'd have loved it more had he not said when I voiced my concerns about people not knowing the difference between trans people and drag shows that "oh but it's the same with normal gays and with... umm you-know-whos". Basically covering up a slur. And he repeated it like three times as if it was so funny? I get it, you don't like effeminate gay guys but wtf? I just came out as trans and you already categorize queer people as if to say "but don't worry I'll respect you"? I really didn't like this part, otherwise he did have a few great questions, of course, technical ones. (No, I still don't know when will I switch the washrooms. Most probably when the T kicks in.)

The other coming out talk was the shortest I've had so far, and I won't have any quicker most probably. The instance I told my colleague my surgery is a "gender-affirming" one (I didn't even say I'm trans lol), she lit up and started grinning like an idiot - and turned out her best friend is also trans so she knows full well what I'm going through. I think this was one of the most euphoric conversations despite being brief because she had seen the whole process up close, had first-hand experience, and she absolutely got me.

So far the whole plan of slowly weaving a kind of safety net at work seems to work, everyone is fine with me transitioning and I chose the right people to tell my story to.

As for the medical part.

Got the results of the biopsy I had after they'd found something during breast ultrasound. The doc had already stated he's almost sure it's just a benign fibroadenoma and he was right fortunately. So this will not affect the surgery. I also had a basic blood test made just to assure myself I have nothing to fear but will have a more complex one tomorrow. (The basic test went quite well, most values were perfect, only three were a teensy bit lower or higher than desired.) I'll also have ECG on Friday.

I've also decided after much hesitation to get HRT in Austria - I'm a bit skeptical about the Hungarian docs and I'm also a bit skeptical about a full online service - I know the Austrian one would be also a kind of telemedic service once my hormone levels are good but I feel more safe if I have someone to turn to in person when necessary. (Even if I have to travel 3 hours.)

I just want to survive the surgery and after I recover, grab my well-deserved T-gel.

[whitelotusherald]

Just another round of coming outs.

I came out to a close colleague of mine, she's in the same position as me and well-respected among the others. She was also surprised but genuinely interested, and very emphatic. She asked what my plans are, how I'm gonna proceed and even asked stuff like how I felt I'm not in the right body because she can't imagine this. And again, representation matters: she admitted she doesn't know any trans person but Elliot Page's example taught her that some people are happier if you just let them live and transition. She also assured me everyone would be accepting, though when I mentioned the two colleagues who talked badly about transition, she admitted that must've hurt like hell. She also praised my name choice, said it sounds great with my surname!

Overall, it went extremely well and I was a bit more relaxed even at the beginning than last time lol.

A bit later I met with the diversity assistant and despite I only mentioned my plan of changing my name she immediately knew what I was hinting at lol. (Yeah, we've attended two Pride marches together, guess it wasn't that much of a mystery.) It turns out there's someone else who has gone through the same procedure at the company and they had to come up with some solution. They realized that as we grow bigger it is inevitable to have a few trans employees lol. The assistant couldn't answer all my questions, especially the technical ones but sent me to a senior member of HR. Oh, and she also assured me they wouldn't treat me as the company's token trans, the embodiment of DEI.

Just an hour later I stumbled upon this member of HR, and she was also very emphatic. It seems this will be easier than I thought, I only need to do the official name change and it will mostly go smoothly, though there will be minor inconveniences due to Hungarian law. Anyway, it is manageable!

I'm a bit proud of myself because the last coming out happened in the cafeteria, with 4-5 people around and when the HR lead asked if we should go somewhere private, I was like, no, I don't really care if they hear me - though I kept my voice down lol.

Also, in the last two instances I wasn't nervous at all. Okay, maybe because they weren't close colleagues but still. I'm getting the hang of this coming out lol.

I'm still baffled by everyone's kindness so far. I still think that accepting trans people is not an obvious thing as it should be, and I really have to pick wisely whom to share this info with.

[whitelotusherald]

orbán viktor: betiltom a budapest pride-ot. ne menjetek ki, különben kétszázezres büntetésre számíthattok

magyarország: kétszázezres tüntetés, értettük

orbán viktor: büntetés

magyarország:

orbán viktor: b- büntetés

[whitelotusherald]

Today's achievements.

- Mammogram & breast ultrasound. Welp. I went there knowing one of my cousins had breast cancer and I've been joking how ironic it would be if they found something similar to my uterine fibroid which had led to free hysterectomy. They did find a couple cysts (nothing serious) but also a few bening lil shits and I'll need to get biopsy to check whether they can turn malign or not. I contacted my surgeon if this delays or even cancels my top surgery, still waiting for a reply, I know chatgpt is not the best GP but that said it's quite common and most likely won't be an issue, the surgeon will just get rid of these small shits after locating them during the mastectomy. I truly hope that will be the case otherwise I'll just throw myself out of the window, I ain't doing one more season of Binder Hell.

- HRT. Despite now planning to do it differently I got a reply from an Austrian clinic and it seems pretty easy to acquire it there. Except the travel part. It's waaaaay too far but still easier to get there than to get hormones in Hungary legally.

- Psychiatrist. Went smoothly, though, I don't know what half the questions had anything to do with me being trans. Yeah, I had a great childhood, no trauma, cool parents, had no big issues with anyone (classmates, teachers), had a weird career path, my life is more or less okay, and CAN I FINALLY GET THAT PAPER. Oh, yes, let's talk about my sex life that I don't have, partners I also haven't had due to MY DYSPHORIA thank you, why I don't want phalloplasty if I'm so dysphoric (IDK maybe bc it's the most complicated surgery and I don't have problems downstairs and generally it's just a huge NO?) and why I don't use men's restrooms in public. (Lol.) I know these questions are important but the doc sometimes made such faces I couldn't decide what was going on in his mind. But hey, I'll get the paperwork in a few weeks!

[whitelotusherald]

I think it's safe to say the 30th Budapest Pride was the largest in the history of this event.

The govt basically stated it's banned, the mayor of Budapest did some legal gymnastics and so the event did not fall under the category of banned gathering, the police said it's still banned, so yeah, the whole situation was as controversial as it could get. Moreover, a far-right party and an organization announced demonstrations along the way, which were all approved lol.

When I left home, I packed all my Pride stuff safely in my bag, not wanting to risk meeting some neonazi scum along the way but in the bus stop I could already spot 4 different flags.

When reaching the starting point, the subway stop was literally FULL. I haven't seen this many people down there EVER. It took 10 minutes to get upstairs when it usually takes 2-3 minutes.

The starting point was also already full. I donned my armor of trans and demiguy flag and despite not having any previous plan of meeting anyone I checked a trans&nb group chat and joined the team. (All fantastic people, seriously I don't know a single trans person who is not cool. Though, when someone told me during the march that "omg you're so cool", I did not know what to do with this compliment, like, I'm not cool at all but thanks, awesome stranger? Lol. It was most probably the trans flag or cap. Idk. I'm still trying to process that someone thinks I'm cool.)

There were so many people it took us a solid hour to walk just 400 meters at the beginning.

All I could see were smiling faces, friendly people, many flags hung from the windows, and everyone kept their good mood despite the heat and crowd. There were only 4-5 protesters with a huge cross trying to preach but were quickly dealt with by the organizers. Other protesters (just a handful of them) waited on the bridge we'd cross so we took another bridge in the end, leaving them hanging lol. It took around 3 hours to arrive at the finish only 2 km away. I swear I have never seen such crowd in person. It felt awesome. To have the backs of so many people.

And it felt so freeing, to wear my flag, to be this much out, without any fear, without any regret.

And it was great to march all the way in a fantastic company! I'll try to keep being this open towards others because it's extremely rewarding.

Oh and the mayor of Budapest, Gergely Karácsony won this round against the government with a knockout!

[whitelotusherald]

Well these past days have been sure busy

- Attended a Trans&NB meetup which was fantastic, everyone there was so cool! All that experience, all those stories and of course all that info! It was brilliant. Loved it. Got a LOT of strength from it.

- Came out to 3 colleagues within a single day. I was nervous af, this doesn't get easier yet. All three were a lot more than simply supportive. They were willing to hear me, to learn, and more than happy to accept me as I am. They said the same thing everyone does - that this is basic human decency. It is not. Coming out as gay might be normal nowadays between adults but coming out as trans? Terrifying. All the prejudices and misconceptions make it scary and you cannot guarantee basic human decency as a reaction at the end of the day. Anyway, now I know I have a bunch of good people having my back at the office!

- Got diagnosed with "transsexualism" by my psychologist! I'm getting there, one step at a time. I even got some extra info about HRT so I'm more and more optimistic that it's viable!

- Got X-ray for the surgery! The results are not in yet (the site I could download it from is currently down) but this was the first of my many examinations and hopefully they didn't find anything.

But the most important! (Yeah, sorry not really, my diagnosis was the most important but let's call it a draw.)

Tomorrow will be the day of Budapest Pride. Renamed in Hungarian but it will be held. The whole event is full of uncertainties, based on what the mayor has said it cannot be banned, we cannot be sanctioned for attending but all politicians of the govt state otherwise. Face-recognition will be used by the police and they even installed many new cameras in the city along the planned route of the march.

Moreover, a far-right party and organization have also announced their own events at Pride's starting place and around the march which got a green lamp from the police. Because they have the right to gather wherever they want as they're just Nazis not queer. Okay.

I understand if many people would change their minds about going and would rather not try their luck among all the controversies and risks. It's okay to stay at home. I do understand the fears. It will still be a huge rally against all the vile this govt has unleashed against us.

Despite having my own fears I'm going to attend so if you see anyone wearing too many trans flagged stuff there might be a chance that's me. (Yeah, I don't even care if the cops identify me based on this post. I'm not spreading LGBTQ agenda, I'm just me walking around in my own fucking city and I doubt being myself is a crime. Yet.)

[whitelotusherald]

Got up to feed the cat and take a piss in the middle of the night, found a fb post about HRT options in Wien

And I've got a solid image of my future now

And it's the most fucking beautiful thing ever

And I haven't slept good in ages and this is what I've needed

To know that I can do it, it's viable, if my body cooperates with me, I CAN be myself

This week was wild and I'll try to make a coherent post about it once I've slept enough lol

I'm very, VERY tired but this week was rewarding and I'm so emotional and have a euphoria I haven't had in ages

[whitelotusherald]

This summer sure is busy

Gonna get the paper from the psychologist this Friday

Hopefully gonna get the paper from the psychiatrist next Monday

Gonna have top surgery 7th August

Before that I'll need ECG, ultrasound, blood tests and the like

Still not sure about HRT as I just realized you need papers not older than 6 months to get it prescribed for off-label use and they can still refuse with made-up bullshit, so gonna try my luck abroad probably? (But all the support I've got so far convinced me that yes, HRT is my way - just gonna outsmart the system that wants to deny it)

I only hope my body will be on my side this time and they won't find anything that makes either the surgery or HRT out of the question

[whitelotusherald]

Psychologist - second round check

This was a whole lot quicker than last time since I only had to fill out an MMPI test with around 560 questions. Some were baffling (ofc I don't throw up blood I'm not some cultivator from a danmei), some were understandable. In the end it turned out I have no mental problems whatsoever, who would have guessed? (Though the test did not include questions like "do you participate in shipwars?")

While the test itself was not that exciting I got a promise I'll have my paper next week - so it only takes three sessions to get it. I don't know if it's due to my age, my commitment (like, stating hysterectomy surgery was the best day of my life lol) or me using my chosen name - whatever did the trick, I'm thankful the doc is not some gatekeeping demon but someone who truly wants to help me get this shit done.

Seriously, these sessions are the best thing that happened to me in ages, I'm even thinking about ways to do the transition at my current job. Or, even if I can't get HRT, how can I come out to a bunch of supportive colleagues as I kicked this closet's door out so hard there's no way I'm going back in there. It's dark inside.

And my name's a keeper. I've always hated how some people use names the same way we use articles in a sentence, dropping them every five seconds, but I really like how my real name sounds. Gender euphoria, huh.

[whitelotusherald]

https://www.reuters.com/world/budapest-mayor-says-city-will-organise-budapest-pride-circumventing-orbans-2025-06-16/

https://budapestpride.hu/en/news/freedom-cannot-be-banned/

Budapest Pride will be organized by the capital itself, thus it cannot be banned!

This is a huge win for us because during the last few weeks more and more statements made by ruling politicians hinted how they want to totally ban it

You can already get fined if you attend a public gathering spreading LGBTQ agenda (whatever the fuck that means!) but they truly made it clear they don't want to see a march on the streets

Well guess what, you can't ban a whole city, Budapest is already on the brink of bankruptcy thanks to you, what else can you do?

I'm so glad we have a mayor like Gergely Karácsony, we're not always on the same page but he's one of the most decent politicians out there

I'm also super glad they found a solution to mess with the government!

Judging by all the supportive comments it looks like this will truly be the largest Pride march of Budapest, we can flip the government a bird, have a fantastic celebration and a badass protest against all the batshit propaganda and fucked up laws!

[whitelotusherald]

Psychologist - first round check

After an impossibly windy road down mental healthcare, I've managed to get to this part, yay!

When I arrived it looked like entering the office is a quest itself. I couldn't find the right doorbell for my life. Then ((it's a very old house in downtown Budapest) the massive front door was stuck, I had to resort to brute force, as if to prove I'm manly enough. Then I couldn't find the doorbell again at the next door. There were altogether 4 doors, I swear the place was better guarded than Fort Knox.

The psychologist was extremely cool and professional, used my chosen name throughout the entire session and apologized when he asked my birth name for paperwork. (Which is basic human decency but I can't stress enough how weird it is for me. Too many assholes in the world.) We will have probably 3 sessions altogether, this first one was my "life story", basically he typed a whole fucking novel 1st person POV based on my answers for his questions how I dealt with gender through the years. I felt stereotypes are still way too overrated, like what did I play with (I don't even know anybody who didn't think Lego or cars were NOT cooler than dolls!). He found some of my experiences a bit odd, like me not having any problem with my plumbing, yeah, bc my main issue was having periods, I'm so sorry for not being interested currently in packers ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ But he was very supportive throughout. He also assured me it's not impossible to get HRT in Hungary, and many people had very rapid changes so despite it differs for everyone, I should be prepared for that, too.

I know the psychologist is the good cop, the psychiatrist is the bad cop in this system, however, I got my hopes up again after all the walls I've hit in the last 2 months.

And how cool it would be to get all the papers for my birthday in August! (The chances are very slim but anything can happen.)

[whitelotusherald]

ITS REAL OH MY GOD ITS REAL!!

[whitelotusherald]

Okay now I'm pissed

So I'm trying to get - at this point - ANY kind of paper that supports my claim from a doc's part that yes, I'm indeed trans.

First, the surgeon said that a psychologist's opinion will suffice but gave me the number of a man who has worked chiefly as a psychiatrist. Called him, he asked me to send an email, I did, while waiting I took my chance with psychologists, one said she is not qualified, another said that a psychiatrist's opinion should be the first. Then I called the psychiatrist again after 3 weeks. He said, oops, his email domain was changed by the uni, I should re-send him the mail. I did, waited another 3 weeks, yet another phone call, yet another "re-send the mail" answer. I complied one last time but looked up another psychiatrist.

Got an appointment with a short wait. I was totally stressed out, and practiced a lot with chatgpt.

When I got there I got a gazillion questions regarding my family's and my own health. Like, surgeries, medication, mental issues, the like. After 25 minutes (the session should've been an hour long) the doc said sorry, but the psychologist was an idiot, I'd actually need that opinion first only after that can he help me. He only asked me like TWO questions on me being trans and one was "do you do illegal hormones" like dude. If I was that brave I wouldn't be here. (Also, I work with medicines and know how fucked up black market stuff can be.) The other question was kinda rude - why have I waited so long. When the first thing you learn as a late bloomer after realizing you're trans is that this realization is not linked to age. You can't be late from this party. Apparently the doc missed this lesson? Also he told me the first psychiatrist I'd contacted is almost fully retired so he's not really taking new patients. (But then why didn't he say so, why ghost a patient when you can simply say "sorry I'm retired"?)

Anyway he basically told me to come back only once I have a psychologist's opinion, but hey at least he gave me two contacts' names. The first didn't answer the phone, the second said "oh I'm walking on the street rn but will text you possible appointment dates and an address". I was very skeptical (this is the beginning of a beautiful ghosting, I thought) but he actually did text me like five minutes later??? And had an appointment for this Friday. Unfortunately he requires a few sessions until he provides me with the opinion, however, that's better than all the messed up shit docs have given me. And all are mental healthcare specialists for fuck's sake!!!

You know who didn't fool around with me? The surgeon. Most honest one from the whole lot.

Anyway, at least my stress level dropped, gonna be chill on Friday and going to get that paper no matter what it takes.