whoselabelisitanyway - Tumblr blog

[whoselabelisitanyway]

This ABSOLUTELY works.

I have used this for many years. Definitely b do it.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Reblog if you are unlabeled or support unlabeled folks.

I'm feeling kind of erased and Not Queer and need validation this evening 😅

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Abuse comes in waves. So does pain.

You spent months being civil with each other, kind even. They do things for you, buy you clothes, groceries, say nice things and ask about your day. And you start to forget. You start to feel guilty. Why did I hate them? Why was I angry? Why did I want to leave? That was awfully mean of me. They need me. If I leave, they'll be all alone.

Then it all comes crashing down. One little thing lights up the flames and sparks a reaction. It happens fast, but feels like it lasts a lifetime. They say "things they didn't really mean", they "let anger get the best of them", and you're at the receiving end, scared, alone and not able to react.

And you start to remember. You place this memory with all the others, like a bunch of crystal ornaments on a shelf. You start noticing the patterns. You even make excuses for them. I was too loud, too aggressive, too mean. I deserved it. I deserve this.

Hours later, when you're safe and sound in your room, the reaction finally hits. You cry and sob, you want to scream but know you can't. You want to leave but have nowhere to go. You have no choice but to stay put and feel the pain. The pain from this moment and all the others that preceeded it. The pain from all the chances you had to leave but didn't take. The pain from all the instances you believed they changed.

And you know, once they wake up, it'll be like it never happened. Kind words and kind gestures, all over again. And you have no choice but to play along, otherwise who knows what might happen.

Every week. Every month. Every year. A new little crystal ornament for my collection. A new memory for me to obsess over and try to prove to myself that it wasn't that bad, that I barely got hurt, that it could've been worse.

I wonder how long it'll take for the next ornament to arrive. I wonder if I'll have enough space for it on the shelve.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.

“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.

“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.

when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.

if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.

you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

[whoselabelisitanyway]

I want to do a comparison to this poll https://www.tumblr.com/incognitopolls/738538419912851456/we-ask-your-questions-so-you-dont-have-to-submit

I think I ran one similar to this but I want a control group

[whoselabelisitanyway]

after a thorough medical assessment, the doctors have described me as ‘a lot. just like a lot to deal with’

[whoselabelisitanyway]

When a person with ADHD complains of severe anxiety, I recommend that the clinician not immediately accept the patient’s label for her emotional experience. A clinician should say, “Tell me more about your baseless, apprehensive fear,” which is the definition of anxiety. More times than not, a person with ADHD hyperarousal will give a quizzical look and respond, “I never said I was afraid.” If the patient can drop the label long enough to describe what the feeling is like, a clinician will likely hear, “I am always tense; I can’t relax enough to sit and watch a movie or TV program. I always feel like I have to go do something.” The patients are describing the inner experience of hyperactivity when it is not being expressed physically.

At the same time, people with ADHD also have fears that are based on real events in their lives. People with ADHD nervous systems are consistently inconsistent. The person is never sure that her abilities and intellect will show up when they are needed. Not being able to measure up at the job or at school, or in social circles is humiliating. It is understandable that people with ADHD live with persistent fear. These fears are real, so they do not indicate an anxiety disorder.

holy SHIT

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Since it's ace week and I've been seeing even more "ace (and aro) people don't like shipping or smut and we just want more gen fan works!" posts than usual, I thought I'd remind folks that a lot of us do, in fact, love shipping.

Some of us are absolute smut goblins. Give us all the smut and shipping tropes and we will be well-fed. And for folks who prefer gen stuff, that's great! Make more of it so you all can enjoy it.

No one's experience is exactly like yours, so it's always wise to avoid the assumption that your opinions and preferences line up with those of everyone else in X group.

Side note: if you're also an ace smut goblin, you might appreciate that it's A Thing. 🖤🩶🤍💜

[whoselabelisitanyway]

You know that smut you like? Y’know, the really, REALLY good one? You know that one? Yeah?

An asexual wrote that.

And that really good romantic fluff you like? The really cute one, the domestic fluff? Y’know that one?

An aromantic wrote that.

So before you go to sleep reading fanfiction tonight, be sure to thank all the asexuals and aromantics that are writing your favorite fics!

Because no, we are not the pure little children you think we are.

Everybody say thank you a-specs!

Thank you a-specs!

Alright, I’ll let you go now :3

[whoselabelisitanyway]

exclusively aesthetic attraction is so weird bc you’ll be looking at a nice person and you can barely think bc there’s sirens and whistles in your brain and you say “so what do we want to do about this” and your body says “absolutely nothing”

[whoselabelisitanyway]

[whoselabelisitanyway]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Diagrams are helpful to me

[whoselabelisitanyway]

Strange Autistic Brain Things ™

Can't hear the tv, but does anyone else hear the clock ticking?

Can't drink this water. It's old. No, I can taste it. I know it's from an hour ago. No, it's not okay.

Safe food no longer safe. No explanation.

Sees patterns that no one else notices. Can't unfocus from this useless information.

Speech is temporarily unavailable. Please do not leave a message.

This is my bag of rocks that I collected from the beach two years ago. They go click-clack and make me happy. I named the bag Sally.

Sudden Stims®

You have mentioned my special interest. I can no longer focus. Want to hear about the Black Plague?

Sleep? I barely know thee.

That option you just chose is against my routine. I shall process this betrayal in 3 days time via meltdown.

Gains 2 social points for a Good Conversation. Loses 7 social points for not understanding how to Leave Party Without Appearing Odd.

Enjoys time with friends. Isolates for 3 months to recover.

[whoselabelisitanyway]

i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good