winterbornsnowdrop

[winterbornsnowdrop]

The Dragon's Most Valuable Treasure

The dragon was always hungry with desire.

He would fill the emptiness by collecting riches and devouring souls.

Until one day, this strange woman came into his life.

She asked what the most precious treasure in his collection was. When he talked about the golden lamp, she was surprised. She herself would buy useless trinkets and call them her treasures.

She said she wanted a dragon's love.

Since he met that woman, the dragon was introduced with a new kind of desire.

Now he wanted to keep the woman close to him. He wanted to see her. He desired her. When he saw her in pain or lonely, he couldn’t bear it and tried to comfort her in his own way. After all, he might not have known love, but he knew very well what pain and loneliness was like.

The dragon started to realize that immaterial things could be desirable too. The nights when they told each other stories under the moonlight. The nights when the dragon took the sorceress to flights, carried by his wings. Flower field in Tarus City. Going to theatre and buying trivial stuffs like ordinary people. The requiem she sang. Hugs and kisses.

His horns that he once detested so much was now adorned with flowers and bone wind chimes. In a world where he was called monster for just being born as a dragon, the strange sorceress accepted him the way he was.

The dragon had changed.

From wanting to devour her soul to offering to share half of his soul with her, the dragon had surely changed.

Instead of giving her soul, the woman gave him her love instead. And he gave her his.

Now the dragon had a way more valuable treasure in his collection than the oil lamp and all the gold and gems that he collected.

It was love.

[winterbornsnowdrop]

"Who do you like more - Me or Lumiere?" I am not the first person to talk about how this question is actually a sad one. His intent behind asking this question becomes clearer with the follow-up "While Lumiere is gentle and kind, I am apparently harsh and cruel?" Lumiere is a heroic figure. A knight in shining armour, swooping in to protect the world and his beloved whenever needed. However, Shen Xinghui the person is no hero, at least not in his own eyes. He failed to save his beloved in time despite giving it his all to find that protocore. He almost didn’t make it in time as Starfall Forest was consuming her. In that same life, he left her behind to rule over Philos, all alone. He lied to her and broke promises time and time again. So what he really asking is, "Which version of me do you like more? The perfect hero who appears to protect you everytime, or this flawed partner of yours?"

She didn’t fall for the heroic version of him first. She fell for the quiet, mysterious boy in the classroom, the one with sky blue eyes. She fell for the partner she dueled with. She fell for the colleague who also happens to be her neighbour.

"Do you think I am childish?" I think of this line from Misty Silhouette a lot, and the whole sequence that led to this line. Shen Xinghui is possessive and gets jealous easily. And he is aware of that. This side of him reminds me of myself. He fears losing her. He fears that maybe he is not special enough to her. In Misty Silhouette, what triggered him was when the bread guy invited her to go around bakeries with him and when the bakery guy said "You can join us and then we will be three." That means Shen Xinghui is losing his 'speciality' here. That's what he feared. Also it's the fact that this is how possessive people's thought process go "I NEED her. You don't. At least not the way I do. You have other people to do things with, but she is the only one I have…She is not as special to you as she is to me..." Other people who has basically nothing to do with her and do not have any history with her like he does, he hates their interference. He fears losing her to someone like that. "Shen Xinghui, why do you think I will leave you?" "You won't?" That line basically confirmed that he indeed thinks that way I just talked about. And it's heartbreaking that he thinks that way. It’s heartbreaking how insecure he feels.

In one life, she left him before they got the chance to even start anything. In another life, he was the one who had to leave her. In this life, who knows what awaits them? So this time, he wanted to make the most of their time together. He didn’t want anyone else taking that away from him or getting in the way of their time together

Possessive people often feel possessive not because they think they are the best choice for their partner, but in fact the opposite. They fear that the other person might be a better choice and their partner might leave them for that better choice. Yet, they try to cling onto their partner.

The fact that he had sex with her right after the bread incident, I personally interpret that as him trying to recover his 'speciality' by doing something with her that only he could do. Remember the first thing he did right after the conversation with bread guy? He opened her door using her passcode. That was a special privilege only he had.

Thinking about the other instances he showed his jealousy. One instance that comes to mind is when Frank the little kid wanted MC to be his partner. Another instance is when the racing car driver offered MC to be her partner in the off-road race and MC was impressed by her skill. See how in both instances, they touched something that's Shen Xinghui's 'speciality'? Yes, it is indeed childish, but I understand where he is coming from.

And when he asked MC that question after their intimacy, she confirmed that he was indeed special to her. He was the only person who knew her door code and the only person she liked. That was a confirmation he needed.

[winterbornsnowdrop]

You Who Grieves (A Beloved Existence × Yeonwoo's Innocence crossover)

"Where…am I…?”

“You're finally awake.”

Jaeha turned his head to owner of the voice - and it was someone he did not expect at all.

“Class president?”

“I have a name, y'know.”

“Jung Jinwoo…why are you here?”

“The homeroom teacher was worried for you. I tagged along when he said he was going to visit you.”

“I see.”

“You gave me a good scare, you know. I totally thought you were dead.”

“I wish I were,” Jaeha mumbled. 

“You sure had it rough,” Jinwoo said in an unusual serious tone that didn’t sound like him at all.

“Did…the teacher tell you everything?”

“He did. Or more like, I pestered him to tell me.”

“Why…” Jaeha mumbled. 

“You know, I lost my father when I was like, seven. It was only me and my mom since then. She raised me singlehandedly. I can't imagine what would happen to me if I lose her too…”

Jinwoo looked almost unrecognizable when he said those words. His usual playful, unserious persona was replaced with a gloomy one. His eyes looked almost as empty as Jaeha's.

“No wonder you don’t want to go home. If I was you, I don’t think I’d want to either.”

“You should've left me alone, then,” Jaeha mumbled. 

“You want to die?”

“I just don't want to wake up in this world anymore.”

“You don’t have anything to look forward to anymore, right.”

“Probably. ”

“You don't have people who will miss you when you are gone?”

“I don't.”

“It seems like your whole world came crushing down in the span of hours, huh.”

“You're right…”

“You know what, when you feel that lonely, come stay over at my house.”

“What?” Jaeha's eyes widened, “Where did that come from?”

“I'll also bring you side dishes and lunchbox.”

“Wait, but…”

“Friends help out each other all the time, don't they?”

“But since when are we friends?” Jaeha finally found the right words.

“Starting today.” Jinwoo looked more like his usual self as he said those words. 

“You're so…unusually and unnecessarily kind. Or should I say nosy? I didn’t know you had a side like that.”

“Kind? Am I? I don’t know about, but when I see someone going through similar pains as mine, I can't just leave them alone. I also cherish my friends.”

[winterbornsnowdrop]

There is this one trope we see often in dramas. When a character gets terminal illness or falls into a serious problem, they tend to break up with their partner. Without explanation, even. This breaks my heart and makes me angry at the same time. It makes me think "If you can't confide in your partner at your worst, then what are they even for?"

Then again, I understand that tendency to an extent.

It usually happens because "I don't want to concern them" "I don't want to burden them" "I don't want them to see me at my worst"

But from experience, I know that there is another side of them that wants to hold someone's hand as they go through those hardships. They want someone to stay by their side as they endure the pain. They want someone to cry with and for them.

But they choose to bury that side, thinking that's selfish.

What they don’t think of is the pain they are putting themselves through by doing that. They don’t think of the cruelty they are doing to their own selves.

They also don't think of the cruelty behind pushing people who loved them away like that.

Humans are social beings. They are not meant to go through hardships alone. They are supposed to lean on someone, be it family, partner or friends.

People with disabilities are bound to get extra care. If the mother chose to give birth and raise them, that also means they consent to put that extra effort. If a partner volunteers to stay, that means they signed up for it. You don’t get to overthink. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to show your weakness, to trust that person, at least.

Our Unwritten Seoul tackles this subject so beautifully. I loved how the mom gave Hosu a piece of her mind. While I understand where Hosu is coming from as person with disabilities, while I understand how acquired disability is way harder than those who were born with it, I loved how Hosu's mother spoke for those who make the choice to stay. How their feelings matter too.

And I love that Hosu finally acknowledging his vulnerability and making the choice to rely on Miji, his partner who wanted to stay by his side after knowing his condition. Hosu is such a relatable character.

[winterbornsnowdrop]

All his life, he grew up restricted.

He didn’t know what freedom was. He wasn’t allowed to go anywhere other than school. And even then, guards would follow him like shadows. He just accepted his life as it was.

Until one day, that girl came into his life.

“Will you go watch meteor shower with me?”

As much as he wanted to accept her invitation, he couldn’t.

“I hope Shen Xinghui is forever free to do whatever he wants.”

Those words. That girl didn’t wish anything for herself because she knew her one earnest wish would never come true.

She gave her wish to him instead.

Before he knew it, those words became his guiding star.

So when he crossed the space-time in search of a way to make sure the girl never gets her life and freedom taken away, he kept those words at his heart.

"I hope Shen Xinghui is forever free to do whatever he wants."

So he did.

He lived an ordinary life.

He studied and collected who knew how many diplomas.

He travelled to places, collected souvenirs, celebrated festivities with people.

He slept as much as he wanted, grew plants and lived in an apartment, using a key to open its door instead of keypad.

He bought groceries, walked in the moonlight and fed stray kittens.

He took the girl he loved to dates.

To other people, it might seem too simple, ordinary, boring even. But Shen Xinghui knew what a luxury a seemingly normal life could be.

This is a life that girl wanted for him with her last wish.

He would not let his girl’s wish go in vain.

[winterbornsnowdrop]

Cheng Xiaoshi's mother did not know.

She didn’t know that just like she was trying to save Cheng Weimin, her partner, someone out there was doing the same for her son.

She didn’t know what her son was up to.

She didn’t know what he had been through.

She didn’t know how painful waiting was for him.

Cheng Weimin didn’t know either.

Cheng Weimin didn’t know that day, the person who lashed out to him was not Wang Qing, but his own son. His son who had enough and couldn’t contain himself anymore.

They didn’t know.

“I miss them, Qiao Ling.”

Young Cheng Xiaoshi cried at Qiao Ling's doorstep one night, terrified from the news of a recent earthquake.

“Will they come back?”

Years later, Cheng Xiaoshi, now in his twenties, asked Lu Guang one night after waking up from a dream.

None of them could answer him.

All they could do was hold him, letting him know that they would always be there for him. Unlike his parents.

One day, when the waiting would finally be over, when they would finally come home, they would open the door to find an empty house, covered in eerie darkness. They would call out “Is anyone there?” but nobody would answer.

“Cheng Xiaoshi? We're home.”

Silence.

“Is he asleep?” they would wonder as they climbed upstairs, only to find no one.

“Where could he have gone? Where is Qiao Ling? Why is this house so silent?”

Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn’t be there.

Cheng Xiaoshi, who was made to leave before his waiting was over.

Or he might have gotten tired of waiting and all those shit life kept throwing at him, and chose to leave by his own volition.

Lu Guang wouldn’t be there either.

He was on his own pursuit - to keep that promise that Cheng Xiaoshi entrusted to him in his last moments.

Cheng Xiaoshi had had enough of waiting.

Now it was his parents’ turn to wait for him.

[winterbornsnowdrop]

I was wondering why I feel like university is reluctant about my accessibility while lying on bed at night.

Then I thought back on my school and college days.

My school provided me with an extra chair and desk because I was unable to sit on those benches.

Took my classes downstairs.

Provided me with a special bench made just for me.

Let me take exams in a special classroom when I was young.

The peon uncles even carried me upstairs when I was real young.

It was a private school, mind you. I was the only student with special needs. They provided me with all sorts of privileges without me even expressly asking.

Yeah, that's how I grew up. Privileged. Equipped with my rights as needed.

In college, my class was at third floor. It needed a lot of coaxing to take that class downstairs. But they gave in at the end, so it was a win I'd say.

But more importantly, my classmates stood up for me when they tried to take us to other classroom. They recognized my problem. And they tried to take care of me. Teachers, too, listened to them and understood.

That one time when our Physics and ICT teacher stopped at the last moment from taking everyone to computer lab because he did not want me to feel excluded.

That one time when my exam was taken downstairs because sir understood that I could not go upstairs.

Even during HSC examination, they let me take exam in a special bench as regular ones weren’t suitable for me.

Yes, I grew up like that.

In university, I admitted with my Physically Disabled Quota. Meaning, I was admitted as that one of the two students with disabilities.

I didn’t ask for much. Just that the classroom changing out of nowhere to stop. Just for them to recognize that in the classroom, there is someone for whom walking around and taking stairs is hard.

Multiple times, when the lift malfunctioned, I asked my class representative for the class to be taken downstairs. His answer was "Cannot. Others have class there."

I felt like crying everytime it happened and it prompted me to stop asking altogether.

That one teacher who refrained from asking me questions in class when he found out I can't stand up on my own.

But it’s not like all of them are unsupportive. One of my favourite teachers offered to make a routine taking my condition in consideration. Another teacher, also my favourite, checking on me when my guardian was running late after exam.

That one classmate who asked me, "Can you answer the question? Do you want to? Should I tell sir?"

But here's the thing. Since there is a quota, a special seat for us, why are these things supposed to be privileges and not rights? Why is our building the only one with lift? Why isn't there enough ramps? Why is it that my request to take classes downstairs is declined?

I might be one of the few with severe disabilities even among the PDQs, I might be the only one in my class who has special needs, but I think I am entitled to my rights. I have always been. And I do not want this thought on my back of my mind "But what if I am burdening others with this? Do I deserve to? Is this really worth it?"

I absolutely deserve it. The university and my department signed up for this when they let me get in as a student with disability.

I don't want to blend in. Why do I need to? I can just be unique. Why do I need to fit in the standard of other, 'normal' people? I am not 'normal'. I can not fit into the 'normal' standard. So why am I trying so hard? I will stand out, proud. I will stick out. I will scream my presence. I will claim my rights even if you find me annoying and whiny.