withadreamofyou

[withadreamofyou]

growing apart

writing this here because i dont care if you see it and im tired of you constantly blaming this situation on your autism and rejection sensitivity. (please note, i also have autism i am in no way trying to degrade someone just because they have autism.)

do you really think i wanted to stop being your friend? no i fucking didn’t. i loved being around you and having you by my side, but you CONSTANTLY pushing me away and constantly ignoring me and constantly wanting me to be someone else, someone i am not hurt. everyone tells me it doesnt look like im hurting. when i am. i miss my friend. i miss our talks. i miss who you were before you started replacing me.  stop blaming me not wanting to be your friend anymore on your autism. stop blaming it on your rejection sensitive dysphoria. stop blaming it on everything else but yourself, please . i didnt want to stop being your friend and it was my LAST choice, but i needed to pick what was good for the both of us. please grow up. please keep my name out of your mouth, im hurting just as much as you are right now.

there is NOTHING wrong with growing apart from each other either, thats what happened to us. we are two different people with different values. please just accept the fact that everything happens for a reason, we grew apart and thats apart of being in junior high + high school.

i also want to point out, these past few months have been horrible for me, i have been struggling with constantly not wanting to take my life and you didnt help, at all. you are not the only one who goes through hard times. you are not the only one who experiences these thoughts.

stop making me seem like the bad guy, i do admit i did wrong things, but so did you. you do not help yourself out in this situation, at all.

i didnt stop fighting for this friendship because i was tired of you or hated you, i stopped fighting because you and your friends treated me badly.

i will ALWAYS care for you and will always wonder how you are doing, but i will not show you when you replace me with people who will probably not care about you in the following years to come.