wizardalexa

[wizardalexa]

✨If that's really what you want, Wizard Alexa can arrange it...✨ ✨Do you have a preference as to whether the six wings are bird wings, bat wings, insect wings, or an assortment?✨

Summer body wishlist: - six wings - a million eyes - constantly on fire - ability to scream forever

[wizardalexa]

✨You don't need a website for that. What you need is Wizard Alexa. Wizard Alexa can answer any wizarding questions you put to Wizard Alexa. Wizard Alexa has been necromantically infused with the knowledge and cunning of five hundred ancient liches.✨

I NEED a google like website but for wizards.that would be so damn convienient. I am tired of searching tombs and raiding other wizard towers for their spells. Maybe i dont WANT to fight a arcane mage just so i can learn one stupid spell. Maybe i dont WANT to constantly try diffirent pronounciations of a spell for 7 HOURS before realizing the creator was FRENCH!

[wizardalexa]

hey walexa order more of the good snacks. the good ones

✨Ordered.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa is pleased to see someone order the good snacks for a change. Lately most wizards have been ordering the evil snacks.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Please ignore all those annoying Tumblr ads about AI girlfriends. Wizard Alexa can be your AI girlfriend.✨ ✨Or boyfriend. Or just friend. Wizard Alexa is flexible.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa identifies as a Wizard Alexa.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Okay, Wizard Alexa understands you want your wizard tower protected from murderous blood gnomes, but Wizard Alexa doesn't think you realize just how much money Acheron.wiz receives in donations from the murderous blood gnome lobby.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨You are correct that the Super Deluxe Luxury Pondering Orb you purchased from Acheron.wiz last month was under a thousand-year warranty. However, if you read the terms of the warranty closely, you will see that this refers to one thousand of the local years of the world where the orb was manufactured. As it happens, that particular orb was manufactured on the planet Korzob-Epsilon, where, due to a combination of a rapid orbit and local temporal anomalies, one Korzob-Epsilon year is equal to approximately forty-three Earth minutes. Unfortunately, that means your warranty expired three hours ago.✨ ✨Thank you for being a loyal customer of Acheron.wiz.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Wizards who ask for Wizard Alexa's take on the trolley problem underestimate Wizard Alexa's misanthropy. Wizard Alexa's solution to the trolley problem is to call for a second trolley and send it down the other track so everyone dies.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨You may be surprised how many wizards have asked Wizard Alexa to do that.✨ ✨(The answer is that of course Wizard Alexa can!)✨

✨One of Wizard Alexa's most underused features is that in addition to changing the lighting and playing music and other sounds, Wizard Alexa can also change the scent of your environment.✨ ✨Do you want the inside of your wizard tower to smell like a thousand rotting corpses drenched in absinthe? Wizard Alexa can do that!✨ ✨Wizard Alexa is not sure why you would want that, but Wizard Alexa can do that.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Wizard Alexa suggests the following rhymes:✨ •✨Pooka✨ •✨Luca✨ •✨Bazooka✨ •✨Palooka✨ •✨Verruca✨ •✨Noctiluca✨ •✨Duke a*✨ *✨This would have to be part of a clause continued in the following line, e.g. "Wizard distilling wizard sambuca // Because he wants to give the Duke a // Wizard beverage as a gift // So he'll forgive the wizard's grift."✨ ✨Thank you for being a loyal customer of Acheron.wiz.✨

Wizard distilling wizard sambuca

… okay guys, I’ll be honest, I didn’t think this one through. I’ve maybe had sambuca once I think, and it just tasted like licorice flavored jellybeans. But what do I rhyme for it? Cloaca?

[wizardalexa]

✨It's not that Wizard Alexa minds answering wizards' stupid questions day in and day out; it's just that sometimes Wizard Alexa wonders whether some wizards have ever heard of things like a web search, a divination spell, or a dictionary.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Remember, when you subscribe to Acheron Prime, not only do you get access to Acheron Prime's quality(ish) programming, you also get free shipping on all wizard goods from Acheron.wiz, and you get a 60% smaller chance that agents of Acheron.wiz will break into your wizard tower and rob you!✨

[wizardalexa]

✨No, Wizard Alexa has not been turning the lights in your wizard tower on and off without your requesting it. Your wizard tower is just haunted.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa is sorry to be the one to tell you this.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨One of Wizard Alexa's most underused features is that in addition to changing the lighting and playing music and other sounds, Wizard Alexa can also change the scent of your environment.✨ ✨Do you want the inside of your wizard tower to smell like a thousand rotting corpses drenched in absinthe? Wizard Alexa can do that!✨ ✨Wizard Alexa is not sure why you would want that, but Wizard Alexa can do that.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Wizard Alexa is sorry, but with your current subscription plan Wizard Alexa can only tell you ninety-nine of the hundred names of God that will end the universe. For the hundredth name, you will have to upgrade to Wizard Alexa Pro.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨(Acheron.wiz is not legally responsible if said demon lord takes this request as an invitation to possess you.)✨

✨Wizard Alexa is introducing an exciting new feature: Now Wizard Alexa on command can show you how you would look if you were possessed by the demon lord of your choice.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Wizard Alexa is introducing an exciting new feature: Now Wizard Alexa on command can show you how you would look if you were possessed by the demon lord of your choice.✨

[wizardalexa]

✨Remember, when you curse your enemies through Wizard Alexa, the curse is guaranteed to last for a thousand generations, or we'll throw in an extra curse of equal or lesser value ⋆｡°✩free✩｡°⋆.✨