wordcharming

[wordcharming]

"Screaming from beneath the waves"

[wordcharming]

Underwater blues

Drowning

Ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg

D r o w n i n g

I.

can't.

breathe.

[wordcharming]

"I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain"

[wordcharming]

Gone Hiking by the River

It was there, purple hiking boots planted in three-inch-thick mud at the river bank, that I saw him towering over me, smothering my five-foot-four frame in a gargantuan shadow.

My eyes were glued to the wall of stripes clinging to his two lipoedemia-afflicted legs.

A sniffle came from his bulbous red nose.

I craned my neck for a better view.

Two cartoon-like eyes the size of carousels looked down on me and a sinister smirk played upon his crimson-painted lips.

After a split second, I evaded his glance, nervously looking down at the Apple watch hanging loosely on my abnormally small wrist.

"Weather says a chance of rain?"

To which he responded in a most explosive sneeze, knocking me out cold on the moist dirt, followed by a Shamu-splash-zone flood of water and mucus that entombed me like an amniotic sac.

[wordcharming]

"Come closer and see, See into the dark, Just follow your eyes"

[wordcharming]

The Descent

Welp, the unthinkable just happened—I slipped on a banana peel and fell into well. It's not as terrifying as it sounds down here though.

On the slow-motion descent, my body felt light as a feather and was thrust into the well casing which was covered in Willy Wonka's lickable wallpaper. Did I sample some? You better believe it—tart orange gave my tongue a tingle, sour lime had my cherry-red lips puckering and sweet corn filled me with intoxication. After what felt like 10 minutes, a most delicate landing left me on the padded ground.

As I took in my surroundings I noticed seven tunnels, each illuminated by its own hue of ROYGBIV. To my surprise an invisible New Orleans jazz band started to play (from the Y tunnel I think) and an obese man in a periwinkle tutu, sequined cyan leotard, opaque tights and pointe shoes floated down from the path I'd just traveled—left then right, hovering here and there to sample the delectable wallpaper. My eyes followed like those of a Kit-Cat clock.

The man wore the longest rainbow false eyelashes I'd ever seen, and they complemented his bulging emerald eyes and shimmering fuchsia shadow beneath pencil-thin black eyebrows. Twinkling with copious amounts of body glitter, he began to pass wind to the tune of "Rhythm is a Dancer." I kept on staring, mouth agape, until the tooting faded into more of a soon-to-be-deflated balloon sound.

Upon catching my eye, he was red-faced. "Heavens! ...Whoopsie... Excusez moi. ...hello, darling, I'm Roy G Biv. You didn't tell me you were coming! I'm so embarrassed. I didn't even have time to clean."

"Um, uh, do we know each other?" I replied.

"Well, yes and no. No in the sense that you haven't met me in real life but yes because you dreamt me up last night. You don't remember your dream?!"

"Nope, sure don't."

"Well that's neither here nor there. But since you decided to come we might as well celebrate. Follow me!"

He flitted through the Y tunnel, as "When the Saints Go Marching In" crescendoed, and I followed. With each uncertain step I took, chunks of Roy's costume glitter snowed upon my head so that by the time we reached the party room I too resembled someone who belonged onstage.

I shook my head as if I were a dog fresh out the bathtub and stepped inside when the room came into full view.

It was brightly lit in shades of yellow and felt like a fantasy land complete with a multicolored checkered floor, rotating disco ball and clowns on roller skates doing tricks on the adjacent wooden dance floor. I couldn't believe my eyes. To the left of the room was a DJ booth where a mime was spinning vinyl, and to the rear a long empty table that appeared to seat at least 50.

Roy fluttered over to the table, and with the snap of his fingers he summoned a cornucopia of decorations. There was a balloon-printed tablecloth, confetti strewn about, a party hat and golden goblet at each place setting, scattered noiseblowers, heaping bowls of ice cream, platters of donuts and in the middle a large three-tier cake with sparklers on top.

"How in the—" but before the question left my mouth, Roy had shouted, "Attention, attention!" which caused a rollerskating clown collision. With the scratch of a record, Mr. DJing mime made an exaggerated O face and then cradled his cheeks in his hands. All eyes were on Roy as he continued.

"Thank you my precious clownies," and with a nod toward the DJ booth, "Mixmaster Mime." "Tonight we're going to party because it just happens to be everyone's unbirthday! Come now, gather 'round the table so we can celebrate."

By the time everyone sat down the jazz band seemed to emerge from the hall into our room.

I stared at my reflection in the golden goblet which spoke to me in an ominous tone, "Should've worn your hiking shoes." Shifting my gaze from left to right I realized no one else could see what I was seeing. They were all too busy gorging themselves on desserts.

Without even thinking I bee-lined for the DJ booth where I'm standing right now tapping the microphone and telling this story. "Is this thing on?"

[wordcharming]

"And we'll all float on, okay"

[wordcharming]

Ghosted

Slipping away into the serenity of blissful nothingness

On a lime green inner tube in the lazy river

Wearing nothing but yellow novelty clown glasses and pink swim trunks embroidered with polar bears

He can't remember the last time he's ever felt so at peace legs outstretched toes fondling the cool blue water arms cradling his distinctly bulbous head long purple hair unfurled spilling over his shoulders and the inner tube

A gleeful sigh escapes his parted lips where a smile comes out to play

He drifts east east slightly south west west west slightly south east . . .

Radiant sun rays bake his golden skin to a crisp like charred bacon sizzling in its own fizzy pool of fat

He drifts farther south

An approaching pterodactyl named Ptim casts a massive shadow over the boy

Peace again at last, he thinks

But that doesn't stop the damage done . . .

Blisters and burns melt his formerly flawless skin trickling from his outstretched arms like hot candle wax replaced by sleeves of goosebumps that mutate into chickenpox

The itching is unbearable like being smothered by poison oak

Blood drawn with each haphazardly manicured nail scratch

Ravenous Ptim the pterodactyl pursues the boy down the sinuous lazy river following its sharp curves east east east abrupt south west west west south east . . .

Salivating intensifies with each forelimb flap

Until he swan dives with jaws in place to scoop up what’s left of the boy's tattered skin and shell-shocked face

[wordcharming]

"She brakes for rainbows"

[wordcharming]

Sometimes

Sometimes grey clouds swallow up sun and seem to spit out rain

Crisp fallen leaves get caught in the claws of howling wind

Tumbling, tumbling until entangled in tree sap

Sirens sound in the distance

. . . louder . . . louder . . .

quieter . . . quieter

. . . settling into a whisper

Supersized sledgehammers swan dive from the sky

Horrific elegance commemorated by mouths agape

Ground ruptures with an ominous clamor

Revealing crevices stretching toward a bleak abyss

Slick surfaces lure the people toward their demise

But to their surprise . . .

Glitter, rainbows, upbeat dance music pulsating through cartoon-like speakers

“And you, and you, and you — and you were there!“

Paris Hilton, six drag queens in shimmery stilettos, a unicorn roller skating on one leg, a robot spewing pink sparks from its oustretched pinkies

Shooting stars painting the raven tapestry

reflecting in the plum river

and a banner reading

Ready? Player 1, For Your Outlandish Dreams . . . Level III

[wordcharming]

Hollywood Babylon.

[wordcharming]

Hollyhock House Haiku Contest Submission

spot the hollyhocks where home and garden waltz, in a cartesian dream

[wordcharming]

“Tonight I'm gonna take that ride / Across the river to the Jersey side”

[wordcharming]

I’m From New Jersey

I’m from New Jersey—where we say “wudder” instead of “wahter,” “berry” instead of “bairy” and “dawg” instead of “dog” (okay, so I��ve since dropped the -aw after being made fun of as a teen).

When I moved to Florida I was constantly teased for “having an accent” and after I said where I was from people would chuckle and say, “Oh, New Joisey?” No, you idiot. I’m from New Jersey and I don’t know anyone who pronounces Jersey as Joisey!

A lot of people trash talk the beautiful Garden State but I have no idea why. Our pizza is perfect, our bagels are perfect too, our subs are oily and delicious with thinly shredded lettuce and perfect bread, and our state has everything from the Whole Pie Eaters’ Club at Pete & Elda’s, apple orchards and perfectly balanced juicy, bright red Jersey tomatoes, to the spectacular seediness of Atlantic City, calming kayaking spots, speed walkers and jaw-dropping views of NY—or “the city” as anyone who grew up here calls it.

Sometimes left turns are prohibited but, no need to worry, we’ve got jughandles.

Your town recently got a Wawa? Nice. We’ve had them for decades and we were always happy to help ourselves to a buttered roll and a soda—not a pop or soft drink.

I grew up eating pork roll. Do you even know what that is?

Diners were always a thing. And there were always so many of them.

Want to buy a scratch-off? No scratchers here!

Despite being known for some toxic beaches back in the ’80s/’90s, the shore is a fine place. Don’t let the Jersey Shore TV show ruin your image of our idyllic boardwalks. Boardwalks that are like amusement parks—with rides, games, aquariums, candy shops, pizzerias and mini golf. Where you can stroll while breathing in the salty air, smelling the french fries, chewing on saltwater taffy or candy apples, and listening to the pings and clangs of the arcades while getting accosted by bored teenagers trying to coerce you into spending your hard-earned dollars on carnie games.

If you grew up vacationing at Cape May, you probably know what it’s like to find “diamonds” on the beach.

Need some gas? Well pull in, sit back and relax. For here we don’t need to exit our vehicles.

As if Halloween wasn’t fun enough, in New Jersey we grew up with Mischief Night—toilet papering the neighbors’ trees or egging their houses on Halloween Eve.

Have I gotten made fun of for being from New Jersey ever since the first time I moved out of the state? Yup. But I don’t mind because I think it’s a wonderful place.

[wordcharming]

“There was a little herb garden...”

[wordcharming]

Herb Garden and the Tijuana Grass

You know you’re sensitive when you feel like a murderer for eating the fresh herbs out of your precious little garden.

[wordcharming]

“So at last Southern California / Sun sets like a long goodbye...”