worldbym

[worldbym]

How to fat shame kids for profit

Please read this:  http://www.ravishly.com/apa-release-guidelines-fat-shaming-kids-profit

Yep, the American Psychological Association is basically planning to do harm to fat kids for profit, and they are asking for our comments... sooooo If you have enough spoons, go comment here: http://apacustomout.apa.org/commentPracGuidelines/Comment.aspx?siteCode=3

[worldbym]

doing a little naval gazing

You don't know my name you don't know anything about me I try to play nice I want to be in your game The things that you say You may think I never hear about them But word travels fast I'm telling you to your face I'm standing here behind your back

[worldbym]

Apparently even Wonder Woman needs to watch her figure?

https://www.themarysue.com/wonder-woman-wants-us-to-think-thin/

What the actual fuck.  Seriously.  We as a culture are so obsessed with exactly how a woman’s body needs to look that we think an appropriate advertising use of this iconic strong woman is diet food???

[worldbym]

Struggle....  (TW body/weight talk)

Even the most solidly grounded folks sometimes struggle, and I think maybe sometimes it’s even harder to write or talk about those struggles when you’ve been the supportive one for other people’s struggles in the past. I’m struggling right now.... and it’s sort of a perfect storm of contributing factors - any of which I know I could handle all by themselves, but which become harder to handle when they come on all at once.  Dealing with pain in my feet that has multiple doctors stumped, and makes dancing and extensive walking a much bigger challenge these days, which means I’m doing less of both, and more sitting still.  The holidays with the influx of foods I just don’t usually eat, and relatives who make comments or thrust unsolicited unwanted “advice” at me.  And this year I seem to have an inordinate number of acquaintances who are having or just had some sort of bariatric surgery and everywhere I go their weight loss is the subject of conversation. I’m really tired of being labeled “the asshole” if I don’t want to talk about diets, weight loss, resolutions to eat less and surgery to shrink your stomach.  I’m tired of pushing back against the tendrils of thought that I know lead only to the eating disorder I thought I had conquered nearly 15 years ago. I’m tired of wondering if my ass will fit in the waiting room chairs of yet another doctor’s office, and of worrying if this new doctor will leap to blaming the pain on my body size like so many others have.... and having written that sentence, I’m tired of wondering which friend or acquaintance will say “well, but, doctors study this stuff, they’re probably right.” or  “all my foot/leg/back pain went away when I dropped x pounds” or something similar. Right this second, it all just feels too hard. I know deep down that tomorrow, or next week, or the week after, will be easier - but here, in this second, I’m just so raw, so spent, so tired.

[worldbym]

Why don’t designers get it? women want fashionable choices

Why is this even something we have to discuss?  There is this enormous opening for any number of talented designers to make money and have their clothing walking about on people thrilled to have choices.... and yet, here we are, still talking about the fact that size doesn't matter when it comes to women wanting fashionable choices about what they put on their body. 

https://www.facebook.com/newshour/videos/10154709324918675/?pnref=story

[worldbym]

While it’s nice to hear that SOMEONE in the fashion industry recognizes this - it would be lovely if at least a handful of actual working clothing designers would band together and shout if from the rooftops (all while putting their money where their mouth is!)

[worldbym]

This.

This.

This.

Just don’t.

Do not take photos of other people without their consent

I have something I need to say about this whole “pseudo-celebrity sharing an image of a naked woman at the gym on Snapchat and body shaming her” scenario. I’m not going to share articles about it, I’m not even going to mention the name of the woman who did it because that is giving her publicity and attention and I’m not here for that.

What I am here for is to say 

DO NOT TAKE PHOTOS OF OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT! JUST DON’T.

The woman who did in this scenario is claiming that she never meant to put the photo on Snapchat, and met she just meant to share it with a friend, but here’s the thing, THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY MORE ACCEPTABLE!

People have the right to exist in public without having to fear being publicly mocked or shamed because they don’t live up to other people’s standards of what is beautiful or normal. This kind of stuff happens all the time, and it needs to stop. I cannot believe I even have to say this, but don’t take pictures of people and text them to your friends, or share them on social media without consent!

As a fat disabled woman, I live in fear of becoming a meme because somebody decides that me going about my daily life is somehow “inspirational”, “brave”, “hilarious”,  or even “disgusting”.

I live in fear of somebody snapping a picture when the barista at Starbucks brings my drink around and puts my straw in the cup. I live in fear of somebody snapping a picture of me as I roll down the street and posting it on Snapchat or reddit because I don’t fit into their idea of what is attractive, or even acceptable.

I’ve spent my whole life having to deal with staring, which is hard enough, but now I live in fear of somebody snapping a picture to document their need to gawk at what is different. It’s no secret that I share a lot of photos of myself on social media but I live in fear of somebody else sharing a photo of me without my consent because then they can project their false ideas about my existence onto the world.

So I repeat, do not take pictures of people without their consent and share them.

 In fact, just don’t take pictures of people without their consent, period. The only time it is even remotely okay to videotape or photograph somebody without their consent is if they are hurting you or somebody else, otherwise just don’t do it.

[worldbym]

Listen, I GET that everyone has their own body image issues - I truly understand that even women who’s bodies look to me just like the ones in the magazines have been harmed by our culture’s obsession with a very specific body type/shape.  --it can be difficult to explain (especially to people who are friends) that while I get all that, our conversations and activism can’t be *about* that. This article does a really good job of explaining a whole bunch of that why.  Please read it.

[worldbym]

Things like this make me angry

So, there’s this photo going around facebook... started with a self proclaimed physical fitness “goddess” ..... shared over 9,000 times.  And it’s a blatant lie. It shows a photo of a heart with an outer layer of fat, and the caption reads “The heart of an obese person” and all the comments are about how disgusting this is and about how it made people sick to see this, that ‘people could let this happen to their bodies’

This is not what this photo is of.

(and of course while the photo is tagged public, she had comments shut off to people not on her friend’s list so no one can correct her)

This photo is actually a picture of a perfectly healthy heart about to be transplanted into someone.  All healthy hearts have this layer of epicardial fat. It's protective, and vital.  This photo is actually from a slide show about heart transplants at Cedars Sinai. It's photo number nine. And be found in it’s proper context here:

http://health.usnews.com/…/ph…/heart-surgery-at-cedars-sinai 

Please people - let’s actually use science, not scare-mongering tactics, to learn about and help our bodies. 

[worldbym]

Why talking about "feeling fat" isn't OK.

I understand that many folks think that using the phrase "I feel fat"  or talking about having a "fat day" is OK because they are having a moment or a day or a week where they feel too big for their own body, for their own skin and that phrase is the most expedient way they have to express that feeling.  They will defend the use of it by saying that while it's literal translation may be inaccurate, they are trying to express a feeling that happens some where between moving along through life with all their bits and pieces feeling like they fit together and this place where something they can't put their finger on feels wrong - where they don't like their body or the way they feel in it and they are feeling gross about it.

But even with that explanation, it’s still not OK - because that's not the meaning of the word fat, either connotative or literal, and there are a significant number of people walking around the world who are literally fat.  When you take a word that simply defines another person's physical being and use it to mean a negative feeling you have about your own body, you're insulting the people who actually are that word, in this case who are actually fat.  Say you feel gross.  Say you feel like your skin doesn’t fit.  Say “I feel urgh today” -- Please stop using the phrase “I feel fat”.   I do feel fat, I look fat, I have fat - and that’s true on days I feel great about my body and on days when I’m struggling.  It, in fact, has nothing to do with how I feel about my body.  It just is.  Like I have hazel eyes or I have dark hair. 

And I’m tired of other people trying to make the word mean something other than that - I’m tired of people trying to take a perfectly innocent word and make it equivalent to a whole laundry list of negatives.

[worldbym]

....I’m just going to leave this bit of science right here.(written with a fantastic dash of sarcasm added I might add)

[worldbym]

Reading this article made me realize that I have a childhood story that reads similarly -- enrolled by my parents in the very first teen program of this sort back in the late 70′s with “Let’s Be Slim” when I was about 12 years old - taught to weigh and measure and count every bite I put in my mouth and to always, always, always be conscious of exactly what the scale read.  It would rear it’s ugly head again in my late 20′s when it manifested as eating only salads, counting the drops of dressing and going to the gym for hours 7 days a week.  The numbers on the scale came down a little bit, but my blood pressure skyrocketed and so did my triglycerides. I know I am healthier now than I was then.  The numbers that actually measure health are well within normal ranges.... I have more energy, I’m happier... and still every once in a while, I’m that 12 year old girl who’s thighs are too fat for her to really be pretty.

[worldbym]

awesome!

[worldbym]

No one “needs” to wear Spanx

If you work in retail - especially if you work in women’s clothing.  Please read this and then come back and read the rest of my post: 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10208367106073455&set=a.2168793537588.133310.1179185147&type=3&theater

Hey salesperson, while you personally may prefer the way a dress looks on you with some sort of smoothing contraption under it, you don’t NEED to wear it that way.  I may prefer the way I look with out said contraption, or hate the way the contraption feels so much that I’m perfectly happy to go with out it, and therefor I don’t NEED to wear it.  And a teenage girl who’s tall and fit CERTAINLY doesn’t NEED to wear any such thing. Is a nipple hanging out of the dress? Yes? Well then she might need a pasty because there are places where it is illegal for her to run around with her nipple hanging out.  Please learn the difference between your preconceived notions about how people ought to look and what people actually need.  Because your unsolicited opinion about the way someone looks can in fact be harmful, and even if it isn’t it’s mean and hurtful.  So cut it out.

[worldbym]

I hate the “diet time of the year”

For some of us, the huge number of diet program commercials on TV this time of year make just trying to relax in front of a funny show a minefield of psychological and emotional pitfalls coupled with spikes of anger and hostility.  Please, don’t add to that stress by trying to have a conversation with us about your diet plan, or about how you “feel so fat”.

This article actually does a really good job of voicing many of my concerns... I think everyone should read it... especially if you’re one of those people who likes to talk about their latest diet or weight loss plan. http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/dont-want-hear-about-your-diet/

[worldbym]

Interesting project - some of the Photoshopped bodies are a bit alarming, but the variety makes for an interesting read.

*TW - may be triggering for some (body shape perception)

[worldbym]

What happens in my head when others talk about weight loss

--Trigger Warning: ED and diet talk--

This is a hard post to write.  I’ve dealt with the subject more generically here in the past.... but I’m having another ‘flare up’ of struggling and so I’m going to try and discuss it in a more personal fashion. I tend towards organization, planning and scheduling as part of my every day life - and there was a period in my life where I very, VERY rigidly applied those things to food and exercise.  The foods I put into my mouth were counted, measured, tracked, right down to ‘allowing’ myself to have 3 croutons on my usual Friday lunch salad.  The number of minutes I exercised and which machines at what pace/weight I used were scheduled, planned and adhered to with a complete lack of concern for my own bodies actual well being.  When I failed to gain the slim, fit body that these routines were designed to bring me - I sought medical attention.  When tests showed nothing medically wrong, my GP sent me to specialists.  When more tests showed nothing medically wrong, some of those specialist told me I was lying to them about the food I was consuming and/or the exercise I was doing.  And so I redoubled my efforts, and even went so far as adding a fasting day to each week.  And still, at 5′3″ I wore a US size 18.  I had almost no social life (a mandatory 3 hours, 7 days a week in the gym sort of gets in the way) and I was so incredibly unhappy. All my thoughts were consumed with the subjects of food and exercise.

In all honestly, I don’t really know what changed, but when medical professionals still had no answers for me, I started doing a LOT of reading on the subject... not reading the pop-science articles, but digging out actual scientific abstracts for newer studies on the subject and learning to understand them directly.  And with what I learned there, coupled with my own experiences, I began eating in a way that included more and more healthy choices, which sometimes included small amounts of foods that were emotionally satisfying with out being nutritionally dense, because my mental health became part of the equation.  And I found a form of exercise that I enjoy (dancing!) so that participating in it is not a chore to be scheduled and pushed through, but a part of my life that I look forward to.

and yes, all of that meant that I gained weight from where I was at the peak of my obsession with being thin.  Which I then had to work really hard to accept lovingly as just ‘part of who I am’.... because when I balance and measure all the parts of my life, I’m happy.  Very happy.  I’ve realized lately that a huge number of the people I associate with - friends, coworkers, family, acquaintances - are either on weight loss diets or have had weight loss surgery, and want to talk about both their process and their successes.  I don’t blame them for wanting to talk about it, I ‘get’ why they would want to, but even just witnessing those conversations with out participating is so incredibly difficult for me some days.  Stumbling across a friend’s facebook mention of being down 3 sizes, can feel like a punch in the gut to me, and sometimes even initiates the overwhelming impulse to skip eating for the rest of the day, or plants the seeds of negative self-talk.  It’s at this point that I have to VERY consciously run through a list of the very valid, very scientific reasons why those things would be a very bad idea, so that I can push the impulse out of my head.  Intellectually, I know how to handle this, I know that I need to be kind to myself, to do something to change my focus in that moment, and to be sure to acknowledge that that moment was a hard thing and to give myself credit for choosing a happy, healthy life....

But sometimes those moments can feel really lonely too.  And while I have a few, I need to find more safe spaces in my life where I can be vocal about how the situation makes me feel and how hard the struggle to remain on MY healthy path can be, and more people with whom I can have this conversation, without feeling as though I’m raining on their happy, or opening myself to criticism or even ridicule.