writergirl98

[writergirl98]

Journey of a Broken Heart

Author’s Note: This is the last chapter that I have written so far. This is the chapter that would lead into Al’s journey. Let me know what you all think!

Chapter 5 – The Start of a Long Journey

Every day that followed, Henry and I continued to spar until the sun set and the moon rose. For my 18th birthday, Henry finally brought out the real swords for us to spar with.

“I have a gift for you.”

“Henry, you know you never have to get me anything. You have given me so much over the years.”

“This is a gift I think you are ready for.”

I gave him a confused look and went to unwrap the gift that he had laid upon my lap. As I unfolded the brown cloth, I saw that it was the sword that I had seen in the barn all those years ago. I almost couldn’t believe that he had given me the sword, especially the sword that had belonged to his son.

“Henry…”

“Al, you have worked up to this for eight years. I think you deserve finally use this,” Henry said with his hand squeezing mine to reassure me.

“Thank you, Henry.”

“You’re welcome. Now how ‘bout we go out and put that sword to use?”

“Let’s go!” We practice with those real swords for hours. My arms felt so tired after practicing with those swords, but I knew that all of the pain would be worth it in the end.

For the months and the next few years on, Henry and I spared with the swords working on getting me fully prepared for anything that could happen when sword fighting with someone. I enjoyed sparing with Henry but saw how the years were taking its toll on him. He was not as fast moving as he once was and the time we spent sparing grew less and less. The day that I got the full upper hand on Henry he finally realized my training was done.

“Okay, okay. You got me kid.”

“Well, you’re not as young as you once were Henry,” I said jokingly.

“Yeah, and neither are you, which is why you got the upper hand.”

“Uh hu, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” I said while taking his hand to help him up.

“I think we are done with the practice,” Henry said while slowly walking back to the house.

“Done for today?”

“No, done for good. I have taught you all I can. You have been able to overtake me for the last year. I just kept pushing to prove to you that you could do it.”

All I could do was stand in shock as he walked away. I couldn’t believe that after all these years, I was actually prepared for time if I were to ever end up in a sword fight. I felt like, at that moment, my father was with me. I hoped that both he and my mother were proud of what I had been able to accomplish through all these years.

It had been a few months after Henry told me that my training was done, when I had the dream that led me on this journey. My dream started out like normal, with me standing in my old home, except I didn’t go looking for my parents this time. I went looking for my brother. I went into the back bedroom to his crib to find it empty. I began to get worried and rushed out of the door to find a young boy standing outside with his back to me.

“Hello? Have you seen my brother?”

“Do you not recognize me Alice?” the little boy said to me.

“Who are you?”

“It’s me, Alec, your brother.”

I froze as he turned around and I was met with the eyes of my father. There was no way this young boy was my brother. He was just a little boy.

“I was a only 3 years old when our mother and father died. Now I am almost 14 years old now but you would not know that, would you? You left me behind. You fought for yourself and your freedom but you never gave a second thought to me. Your little brother, who was helpless and alone.”

‘I’m so sorry Alec. I didn’t know what to do. Mother and father were dead. I couldn’t let Asher take me from them,” I said with tears streaming down my face.

“Yet, you left me him. We could be together today, had you not been selfish and only saved yourself. I am alone because of you! It’s all you fault! It’s all you fault!”

I screamed, “No, no, no, as he came towards me.” I didn’t realize that I was screaming no in my sleep until Henry shook me awake.

“Al. Al. Alice!” Henry yelled. I jolted awake trying to crawl away from Henry.

“Al, you’re alright! You’re safe. I’m here.”

“It’s all my fault! I didn’t stay with him. Now he is all alone!”

“What’s your fault? Who is all alone?”

“My brother, Alec. I left him there. I left him with the man who kill our parents! How could I have just left him? He was just a young child.”

“Al, look at me. What happened that night was not your fault. You were only 10 years old. What could you have done?”

“I could have stayed with him. At least he would not be alone.”

“If you had stayed with him then you would also be stuck with that horrible man. You were strong. You fought your way out of a tremendously dangerous and horrible situation. You cannot blame yourself for that.”

I just nodded my head not really hearing what he was saying. All I could think was that my brother was somewhere out there. I had to try and find him. I had to find him for my mother, my father, and for me.

The next morning, I told Henry of my plan.

“You can’t just go walking around the country. You don’t even know where your brother is.”

“I know that the last place that Asher was seen was the city of Temora. If I can make it there and force him to tell me where my brother is, then it will work.”

“Are you sure about this. I know you had a bad dream about it last night but that doesn’t mean you have to go running across the country!”

I grabbed Henry’s hand. “Henry. I have to do this. He is my brother and I should have protected him better. I need to do this. Besides, you taught me how to take care of myself. I would say I was pretty prepared.”

Henry let out a reluctant laugh.

“You’re right with that one kid. I am just worried about what could happen to you out there. To be honest. You’ve been like the daughter I never got to have. I feel like a father here,” Henry said with his head down.

“Henry… you have done so much for me. From teaching how fight to teaching me how to be a strong woman. I have always thought of you as a father, even if I never said it.”

Henry looked up at me with tears in his eyes. I could tell he meant everything that he said to me. This man had given me home and a chance at life when I didn’t have either. He has given me the sense of family I thought I lost that fateful night.

Over the next week, Henry helped me to get prepared for my Journey to Temora. It was not going to be an easy journey nor was it going to be all that safe, but I felt that I could make it. He helped me to learn the map of the area and know which roads to take and which to not. He made sure I knew to be careful not to get caught in the elements, and made sure I knew what berries and animals were safe to eat.

The night before I was to begin my journey, Henry and I sat in our chairs in front of the fireplace just basking in the glow of the flames. Neither of us had done much talking that day. Probably because we were both afraid to say goodbye for free it would be the last time.

“Al, I want you to always remember that you have a home here. No matter what happens, you can always come back. I just don’t want you to forget that,” Henry said quietly.

“Henry, this is my home. I would never think anything else,” I said going to hug him.

“I love you Al.”

“I love you too Henry.”

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking. Normally I was the one to make breakfast but Henry was making it this morning.

“Henry? What are you doing?”

“You have a long journey ahead of you. You need a good breakfast to get you started.”

“I know, but I thought that was my job?”

“Not anymore. This old man has to get used to cooking his own breakfast and picking up his own groceries again,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Thanks Henry.”

“You’re welcome. Now sit down and eat.”

After breakfast Henry helped me pack my pack and made sure I had everything I needed on my journey.

“Map, water flask, knife. I think I have everything.”

“You’re missing one thing,” Henry said walking out to the main room.

“Here. I figured you deserve one that really fits you.”

I took the gift from his hands and began to unfold the cloth. I could not believe what I saw in the inside. It was a black scabbard that had my initials etched into the side of it. In the scabbard, was the most beautiful sword I had ever seen. The metal shinned with every sun beam that hit it, and the handle had a dark blue gem on both sides.

“Henry. I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Just take it and remember who taught you how to use it.”

“I will always remember.”

Henry helped me to attached the scabbard to my belt around my waist. It was now time for us to say farewell.

As I hugged Henry goodbye, I did everything I could to keep the trees from falling. I turned around looking at the place that I had called home for the last 10 years. I saw the horse pen where I slipped and fell in Manda’s poop more times than I could count. I saw the tree where Henry taught me how to throw the knife that my father gave me all those years ago. I saw the area where Henry trained me with the sword, and last but not least, the barn. The small little building that gave me shelter from both the rain and the pain of losing my family. I smiled about all of the memories passing through my mind but knew that even though I was walking away, the memories would always be there for me to go back to. I started towards the road that would take me on this long journey across the country. The road that would lead me to finding out who Asher truly was. The road that would lead me to the little brother that I left behind.

“I’m coming Alec. I’m coming little brother.”

[writergirl98]

Journey of a Broken Heart

Chapter 4 – A Sense of Normality

My life with Henry became more normalized as time went on. I still though of my mother and father and wished that my brother was okay where ever he was. I still woke up crying or screaming from dreams of that night, which Henry got used to after a while. I was just about to turn 16, which most women in the village told me was the perfect age to meet a man and marry. I however was not even thinking about marriage. I always told them that I didn’t want to marry anytime soon and that I would rather spend every day of my life cleaning up horse poop. I didn’t hate the idea of marriage that much but I loved seeing the look on their faces when I said that. It was like the only thing young women my age were supposed to do was find a man to marry. I just didn’t see what all the hurry was about. I was fine living with Henry and having him to teach me everything he knew about life.

Every day I would wake up early to go watch the sunrise come up over the hill by our house. It was like a reminder that even though my family was gone, I was still here and living. I was growing up into a young woman and learning the things that my father wanted to teach me. I was still going to school and learning about the world, while learning about life from Henry. I would read books, write, and learn arithmetic and then come home to help Henry with the chores. One day while shoveling up Manda’s (the horse) poop, I finally got the courage to ask Henry if he would actually let me handle a sword.

“Henry?”

“Yeah, Al?”

“Do you think I could start handling a sword now. I mean…we’ve been practicing the foot movements for almost a year and I pretty much have everything with the knife mastered at this point. I kind of feel like I am not learning anything knew, ya know?

“Haven’t I always said that you need to take the journey before making your destination?”

“Yes, but I feel like I am walking in place without getting anywhere,” I said finally getting annoyed.

“Alright, we can start using the swords, but you have to remember to treat it with the respect that it deserves.”

“I will don’t you worry!”

“By the way watch where you’re walking.”

“Hu,” I got out right before stepping into a large pile of fresh poop.

“Seriously,” I exclaimed! Meanwhile Henry is just laughing to himself.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s so funny. Now I’m gonna smell like poop the rest of the day.”

“Wouldn’t be the first you spent a day smelling like poop.”

“That was one time, and it was only because I slipped and fell in it.”

After we finished cleaning up Manda’s “gifts,” we got ourselves cleaned up and headed to start training with the swords.

“Alright, I’m ready.”

“Good, here ya go,” Henry said handing me a sword made out of wood.

“Seriously? A wooden sword? I thought you were going to show me how to handle an actual sword?”

“How do you think you’ll be ready to handle a real heavy sword without practicing?”

“Why don’t we practice with the real ones then?”

“Because I don’t need you cutting off any your limbs, or mine for that matter. Besides, you already cut your hair with knife and I don’t need you cutting anything else.”

He was right. I had cut my hair after I turned 15. I never had any issues with my hair other than it always getting in the way. It wasn’t until after I had one of my dreams that I decided to cut most of it off. It started out like all of the other dreams with me standing in the middle of my empty house and making my way outside to find my mother and father. It continued like it did the first time, except this time I heard the words that he spoke to me that night.

“You look just like your beautiful mother. You have the same reddish-brown hair that comes down in long, straight strands. So soft and beautiful.”

That night I woke up crying and feeling absolutely horrible. I felt almost dirty remembering how he ran his figures through my long hair. I tried to push it out of mind and continue on with my day. While walking back from the market to the home I shared with Henry, a man who was quite a few years older than me, stumbled over to me almost falling to the ground.

“Hello there, pretty girl. Where are you goin’ in such hurry?” the man said while slurring his words. I could tell he was a drunkard without even hearing him speak. You could smell the liquor on his breath.

“I am on my way home. Excuse me.”

“Now wait just a second. Can’t you just stay for a little bit and talk with me? I am pretty good company,” he said wiggling his bushy eyebrows at me. I did my best to hold down my vomit and be turn him down politely.

“No thank, sir. It is late and I have to be getting home.”

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be walking alone. I mean someone might do something bad to someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” I questioned him getting more irritated by the second.

“You know. A young, innocent girl with those big eyes and long beautiful hair.”

As soon as he said those words, I immediately felt sick and was taken right back to the night. I felt too sick to my stomach to say anything back at the man and just started to run home. I could hear him yelling after me but I just kept running. I didn’t stop running until I made it back home and felt somewhat safe again. I started cry remembering that night again and what Asher said to me. When I looked up and caught my reflection in the mirror I froze. I did look like my mother and the hair that I once cherished for the remembrance of her, I now despised. I felt disgusted by how I felt touching the long strands. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

I grabbed the knife my father gave me and held it by a strand of hair. I looked at a split second before letting the knife slice through. When I was done I looked up in the mirror again to see the result. I still resembled my mother but the long, reddish-brown strands were now replaced with hair that ended just above my shoulders. I felt like heavy weight had been lifted off of me, and I no longer felt disgusted with myself.

“I had to cut my hair, Henry. It was always getting in the way.”

“Sure kid. Whatever you say.”

“Can we just get started already?” I said ready to be done with this particular conversation.

He started out showing me how to properly handle the sword in my hand. Once I had that figured out, he began to show me the different ways to swing the sword at each angle. He had me practice by swinging the sword against a wooden post. He had me practice the different ways to swing the sword for weeks before he had me add some of the feet movements to the swings. This went on for months and months until had all of the movements almost perfected.

The day of my 17th birthday, Henry had me do all of the normal chores making me think that he was not going to do anything special for me.

“Do you have all of the chores done yet?”

“Almost Henry. You do have me doing all of the chores by MYSELF,” I through at him.

“Well, I figured that it would be good exercise for what we will be doing after you’re done.”

“What you mean? What are we doing?”

“Get finished with the chores and you will see,” Henry said with a smirk on his face.

I don’t think I ever worked harder to get my chores done than that day. I got done with chores as fast as I could, got cleaned up, and waited for Henry outside. I was buzzing with excitement of what we were going to do. Would we be practicing with real swords now?

“You’ve been practicing the movements for a while now, and I think it is time that you learn how to put them in action.”

“You mean we are going to fight?!”

“We are going to spar, not fight,” Henry said seriously.

“Now, get in your stance.”

I got into my stance trying to get prepared for the sparing that we were about to do, when Henry knocked me down with his wooden sword.

“Ow! What the bloody hell are you doing Henry!” I exclaimed rubbing my left arm.

“You will not always be warned when someone comes at you with a sword. Always be prepared for anything that may come your way. Now, get up and take your stance again.”

“Fine,” I said grumbling as I got up and wiped the dirt off. I got back in my stance being much more prepared this time around.

“Ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

“Good,” Henry said lunging towards me with his sword. I just managed to move out of the way before his sword could make contact.

“You are moving fast and efficient but you can’t just move out of the way. You gotta use your sword to block the blow. Again.” This continued for hours with him lunging at me with his sword and me trying to block him. The more I got hit the more frustrated I got.

“Don’t let frustration overcome you. Use it. Come back at me.”

I tried turn my frustration into power by blocking his hits and then trying to hit him back. After another hour of him block my hits and knocking me to the ground, I was to frustrated to continue.

“I’m done. This is not working. Everything I’m doing is failing!” I said finally fed up with everything.

“It’s because you are letting your frustration get the best of you, and you cannot expect to be perfect the first go around.”

“I know that. I just thought that I would at least get one hit in at some point!”

“It’s okay. We’ll stop for today and begin again tomorrow after you have had some rest. Okay?”

“Okay, tomorrow,” I said letting out a deep breath accepting defeat for today. I hoped that this was just a bad day and that I would be great tomorrow, but I also knew that Henry was right, I needed practice.

Tomorrow came and was gone and I never got a hit on Henry. Days and weeks went by and I could never get past Henry’s blocks, even though my blocks did get better. Finally, after almost a month, I got my first hit on him. It was a cold, rainy with the ground turning into a muddy mess. I could not keep my footing and kept slipping causing me to not only miss blocks but also making hit hard for me to hit Henry.

“This isn’t working! I can’t keep my footing.”

“You think that the person coming at you with a sword is going to think about whether you can keep your footing or not! They will only be worried about hitting you! Now come at me!”

I got back up from the mud and got ready to go after him again. I lunged towards him getting blocked and for him to knock me back into the mud.

“Bloody hell!” I yelled angry at both Henry for hitting me for the hundredth time and for me not being able to succeed at hitting him.

“You are not focusing! You have to picture me as someone you want to attack!”

“I don’t want to attack anyone! I just want to be able to protect myself!”

“You may have to attack someone in order to protect yourself and others! Now look at me and think of that night. That night you lost your parents and your brother was taken from you. Remember how you felt seeing them lying there dead, and remember how you felt about the man who killed them.”

“Henry, please don’t make me do that,” I asked both pleadingly and as a warning.

“You need to face it. You need to fight back against those demons holding you back. Right now you are just that scared little girl, too afraid to move from behind that tree.”

“How dare you!” I yelled while lunging towards him. He blocked my first attempt but I kept moving. We continued to lunge and block each other’s hits until I rolled underneath his lunge and knocked him down from behind.

“Very good. Now, you have to use that anger, frustration, fear and transform it into power.”

I finally understood what he had been trying to teach me and it worked. I knew that as long as I didn’t focus on the failures or the frustration and used those feelings to push me, then I could do it.

“Right, again!”

[writergirl98]

Journey of a Broken Heart

Author’s Note: Alice and Henry continue to grow as their own little dis-functional family.

Chapter 3 – Moving Forward

Home is what Henry and I made of that tiny house and that tiny barn. For the next few years we spent every one of our days together when I wasn’t at school learning. At this point I was 14 years old and Henry continued to teach me techniques with the knife but still wouldn’t let me handle a sword. He taught me how to hold it correctly so I would not slip and cut myself. He taught me how to hunt with it and how use it when skinning the animal. He even taught me how to throw it and get it to stick in something.

Throwing the knife was easy but getting it to hit its target was a little bit different. Every time I tried to get it to stick in the wood of the tree we used for target practice, the butt of the knife would always hit the tree and hit the ground.

“You’re too stiff. You have to let your arm follow where you’re throwing the knife. One fluid motion,” Henry said, showing me with his arm.

“Okay, one fluid motion,” I said trying to convince myself I could do it.

“This is ridiculous,” I exclaimed as it bounced off of the trunk of the tree again.

“It’s because you’re thinking too hard about it. You are too worried about getting it into the tree.”

“Well, isn’t that what I am supposed to be doing? Getting the knife to stick in the tree?”

“Yes, but you are only focusing on the end result. When you need to think about what you are doing to get there. Understand what I am saying?”

“Uh… sure.”

“Don’t focus on getting the knife to stick in the tree. Focus on what your body is doing as you throw the knife. How are you standing? Where is your head placed? Where is your arm placed before you throw the knife and after? How are you holding the knife? Focus on those things first.”

“Okay. I’ll try.”

I was beginning to think about just giving up but as I looked at the knife in my hand, I thought of father. I knew he would not want me to give up. He would be telling me, “Don’t give up little bird. It is hard right now but it will get easier. Just keep trying.” I took a deep breath and fixed my stance. I looked at how my feet were placed and where my shoulders were pointing. I looked at the placement of my arm as I pulled the knife back and how my hand was placed on the knife. I changed the way I brought the knife back and changed the way I held the knife. I then moved my arm forward to see how it looked when I would let the knife go. I did this a few more times.

“Alright, now try to throw it this time but don’t worry about getting it to stick. Okay?”

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

I took my stance and tried to pay attention to what I was doing with my body. I made to throw the knife and although it hit the circle craved in the tree it did not stick.

“That’s good. It didn’t stick but you hit the circle. Now do the same thing again. Try taking a deep breath and throw the knife when you breathe out. Got it?’

“Yeah, I think I got it.”

I got in my stance again, closed my eyes for a moment and got comfortable. I opened my eyes, looked at the target, and took a deep breath. As I let out the air in my lungs I threw the knife towards the target. It took me a second to realize that my knife was sticking out of the tree.

“See. You have to be patient and not worry about is supposed to be the outcome. It is the same with life. If you worry too much about what may happen then you will lose sight of what you are doing wrong.”

“Let’s go again,” I said while thinking about what Henry had said. He always seemed to know what to say at the right times. I had spent four years with him at this time and, even though I never told him, he kind felt like a father to me. He seemed to know what to do and say with me, although I never really knew how. We continued to practice with the knife the rest of the day until supper time. We ate our stew of meat, potatoes, carrots, and other vegetables that we grew in the garden that I had started by the barn.

After supper, we sat by the fire while he read and I sat making little drawings in my journal. Eventually, I found myself staring off into nothing while holding onto the necklace that my mother gave me.

“Are you okay Al?” Henry had started calling me Al after I told him to not call me Alice anymore. I didn’t want to constantly be reminded of my parents and little brother.

“Huh? Oh, I’m fine Henry. I think I’ll just head to bed. It has been a long day.”

I kissed the top of his head as I walked over to my room. After spending all day learning to throw the knife, I found myself filled with thoughts of my father. I loved Henry for taking me in and treating me so well, but I could help but wish my father was here to see me. I got in my bed, closed my eyes, and told my mother and father that I loved them. I prayed that where ever my little brother was, that he was okay. He would be almost 4 years old at this point. I thought of what he would look like as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

That night dreamed like all other nights, accept this dream was a little different. I was back at my old home where I lived with my mother, father, and brother. I was standing in the middle of the house by the fireplace. The house was quiet and empty. I looked around for mother and father but could not see them anywhere. I walked to the door to look outside and it was like I was taken back to that night I lost them. It was dark and there was a chill in the air.

I looked around and then saw my father kneeling on the ground next to my mother. I slowly walked towards him; every step louder than the last. As I got in front of him he looked up at me.

“Oh, little bird. Look at you growing up.”

“Papa,” I said with tears running down my face.

“You look so much like your mother. Hopefully you won’t end up like her or me.”

I looked up shocked by what he said only to see blood coming from his stomach. I yelled for him as her fell backwards.

“Papa! No!”

I fell to my knees, begging him to come back. I was interrupted by the sound of laughter. I froze where I was listen carefully.

“Your mother would still be alive had she not chosen to love your father, and your father would still be alive had he not taken everything that was meant to be mine. You would be with your brother had you just come with me.”

I picked my head up and looked into the face of the man who had killed my mother and father. He looked at me with an evil smile on his before he swung his sword towards me. The last thing I saw were his eyes staring at me and then I woke up screaming.

“Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re okay,” Henry said holding me to him, trying to calm me down. That was the first night of many that would end with me waking up in tears from reliving that night.

[writergirl98]

Journey of a Broken Heart

Author’s Note: Things begin to get a little better for our young girl.

Chapter 2 – New Start

When I next woke, my body ached with pain all over and my mouth was dry from not having anything to drink in so long. When I finally got my eyes open, I saw that I was lying in a small bed, wrapped in multiple quilts. I could see the glow of a fire coming from under the door to the left of me. I tried to move but pain radiated through my body. I heard the sounds of someone moving in the other room. I stopped trying to move and listened. I heard someone walking towards to door to room I was in. When the door opened, I saw an older, tall man standing there looking at me.

“Good. You’re finally awake. I was worried you wouldn’t wake up there for a minute,” the man said to me while moving about the room.

“Where… who…,” I tried ask but could not get out for my throat hurt from trying to speak.

“Here. Take a drink. You probably have an illness from being out in the cold and rain,” he told me while helping me to drink some water.

“What were you doing out there all alone anyway? Where’s your family,” he asked me with concern in his voice.

“They’re gone. I…I don’t have anyone,” I got out as tears began to gather in my eyes.

“Shh. You are going to be okay,” he said while holding me to his chest.

“You want to tell me what happened? How you got all the way out here,” he asked me still holding me to him.

“They came and…and k… killed my parents! I couldn’t d…do anything to stop it,” I started to scream while the tears got worse. The man held me tighter and started to rock us back and forth. He continued to do this until I was able to catch my breath.

“You are safe now. Okay? Do you have any other family?” he asked me in a calm voice.

“No… they took my little brother with them. I…I managed to get away,” I said with tears still streaming down my face. I didn’t know what I was going to do now. My parents were dead and my brother was taken by the man who killed them.

“Oh, dear,” the man said to himself.

“You are going to be okay. I will take care of until we can find a place for you to go. Yes?” he said trying to comfort me. All I could do was nod my head.

“What’s your name,” the man asked me.

“A…Alice,” I stuttered out.

“I’m Henry,” he said with a small smile.

Those first few days after waking up in that home, I was in bed with sickness. It seemed that Henry was right about me getting sick and all he could do was help me too drink water and get me to drink so broth. After about a week, I began to get better and feel stronger. He continued to help feed me until I had the strength to do it myself. Finally, I was able to get up and walk around a little. I sat in one of the chairs that were in the main room of the home and stared at the fire.

“I think it is about time we get you outside for some fresh air,” Henry said looking at me.

“But, my clothes were all torn up. I have nothing suitable to wear outside,” I told him.

“Not to worry,” he said going in the other room for a minute before coming out with a bundle of clothes.

“These may be a little big but they should work for now,” Henry said handing me the clothes.

“These are the clothes of a boy, Yes?” I asked Henry. He looked at me and I could see his eyes almost glaze over like he was thinking of a memory.

“Yes they are the clothes of a boy. They were my son’s when he was little,” Henry said with sadness in his eyes.

“Where is he?” I asked not realizing why he had that look on his face.

“He a…he is gone. Died about five years ago,” he said looking at the floor.

“Oh, thank you,” was I could say.

“Well, get dressed and meet me outside,” Henry said walking out the door. I took the clothes and went into the bedroom. As I put the clothes on I realized that Henry was right. The clothes were definitely big on my small frame. The pants were three inches too long and the sleeves of the shirt went past my hands, but at the time they were better than nothing.

I finished getting dressed the best I could and walked outside for the first time in almost two weeks. The air was pure and the sun was blinding to me at first. As my eyes adjusted, I could really see where I had ended up. There was the small barn that I had ended up in the first night I was here. There was a fenced in area that held a large golden brown horse. The most beautiful horse I had ever seen.

“Alice come over here,” Henry called to me. I walked over to the barn where Henry was waiting for me.

“How would you like to help me clear up a few things in here,” he asked me. I did not really feel like cleaning but this man had helped me so I thought I should help him too. We went into the barn and I could finally see what was all in there. There were tools lying about in various areas, in one corner there was a chicken coop, and in the other corner was the pile of hay that I had collapsed on.

I walked around looking at all of things he had in the barn, until my eye landed on the shine of something metal. As I got closer I noticed that it was an older looking sword with a red jewel in the handle of the sword. I went to grab for it but Henry grabbed my hand before I could touch it.

“Be careful just grabbing things that are not yours,” Henry told me giving me a look that told me he meant it.

“Is that your sword? It looks nice,” I told Henry.

“No it was my son’s,” Henry said not looking at me.

“Can I see it?” I asked him with curiosity in my voice.

“No,” he said curtly.

“But why not,” I asked being the usual kid of seeing something that they want to play with.

“Because you are too young and it is not yours. Now come over and help me clean up this hay,” Henry said sounding annoyed with me.

“I am not too young! Besides I should learn how to use one at some point right,” I said not giving up.

“Look. You are only 10 years old and I am not going to let you hurt yourself just because you are curious,” Henry said looking me in the eyes.

“I won’t hurt myself if you teach me how to use it. You could show me how to hold it correctly and how to fight with it,” I said energetically.

“Why do you want to know how to use one so bad,” Henry asked still looking me in the eyes.

“I couldn’t protect my parents or my brother. I could barely protect myself. If I knew how to use one…then I could protect myself,” I said not meeting his eyes and feeling like I was going to cry again.

“That was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to protect them. You would have gotten hurt had you tried. Your parents would have wanted that to happen,” Henry said while kneeling down to look me in the eyes. All I could do was nod my head while looking at the ground.

“Hmm… it would be useful for you to know how to protect yourself, but I am not comfortable with you using a sword. How ‘bout we start with the knife I found with you,” Henry said. I looked at him with a small smile and nodded yes.

“Where did you get the knife from,” Henry asked me as we went to clean the hay up.

“It was my father’s. He was teaching me how to use it do certain things with. He wanted me to be able to know how to use it correctly without hurting myself,” I said to Henry remembering the day that my father gave me the knife.

“You see this knife,” my father said to me. I nodded to him.

“This knife was given to me by my father when I was about your age. He told me that if I was to become a man, then I needed to know how to use one correctly,” my father said to me looking at the knife with a small smile on his face.

“But Papa. I’m a girl. Not a boy,” I said to him. He smiled and laughed to himself.

“I know little bird but one day you will be a strong woman, and me and you mom may not be around to protect all the time,” he said to me in a serious but loving voice. I just looked at the knife not wanting to think about a time without either of them there.

“This is yours now little bird. By having this, you will always have a way to protect yourself. One day you will understand why I am giving this to you, until then I will teach you how to use it and help you practice with it,” my father said to me while putting the knife in my hands.

“Your father was a smart man then. Making sure his little girl knew how to stay safe. Come on. Let’s finish cleaning up hay and then I’ll begin showing you some things with knife. Okay?” Henry said trying to cheer me up a little. I smiled at him and went back to picking up the hay with my hands.

Henry kept his word about teaching me how to use the knife correctly. Every day he would show me something different to do and would watch me while I practiced. After 2 more weeks or staying with Henry, he took me to the village of Eastbourne to see about a place for me to go. I had heard of Eastbourne once before but had never been to it. It was filled with people walking all around and was much bigger than the village of Haerndean that we lived by.

We got to the children’s home at in the middle of town and walked in to see what it was like. I didn’t want to end up in a children’s home wondering if I will ever have a home again. I wanted to stay and live with Henry.

As we walked through the doors, a strong smell filled my nose that made me gag. The place was dark and there were kids running around everywhere. I looked at Henry hoping he would not leave me here. We continue to walk until we found a large, old woman dragging a kid by his shirt.

“I told you that you could not eat yet! Now you will have no supper tonight,” the women said yelling at the child while throwing and locking him in small room.

“Oh, what can I do for you,” the woman said almost annoyed with our presence.

“I found this young girl in barn after her family died and I am hoping there is a place for her to go,” Henry said to the lady.

“Hmm…well she is looks healthy and is not horrible looking. She might get picked by a family when she is old enough to marry. What do you want for her,” the lady asked Henry like it was normal to ask the price of a young girl.

“Umm… I don’t want to sell her. I just want her to have good home,” Henry said with concern in his voice.

“Well, I can’t promise that she’ll have good home. All these kids really need is some grub to fill their stomachs, a roof over their head, and some good discipline to keep them in line. Excuse a minute. Charles put that stick down before I whip you with it,” the lady yelled walking away from us.

“I am not leaving you here. Let’s go,” Henry said shaking his head.

“Where are we going?” I asked Henry as he grabbed my hand and drug me out of that horrible place.

“Home. We are going home,” Henry said squeezing my hand in reassurance. We would be going home and home is where I would not be alone.

[writergirl98]

Journey of a Broken Heart

Author’s Note: This is a story that I am currently working on. I wrote the first 5 chapters as my thesis for undergrad. I am interested about what people think about this story and if you guys think I should continue?

Chapter 1- The Beginning

There was so much noise coming from the horses and people outside. I could hardly hear my mother telling me to take my brother and go into the back bedroom.

“Go quickly. Take your brother and hide in the bedroom,” my mother said calmly while putting my little brother in my arms.

“What about you?” I asked begging her not to leave us alone.

“I’ll be fine Ally. Please do as I say and don’t come out until I come get you,” she told me pleading me to do as she said. I could not understand why she was trying to hide us from the soldiers outside. I thought that the soldiers were meant to be our friends and protect us.

My brother started to fuss in his sleep. I did everything I could to try and keep him quiet. “It’s okay little brother. Mom and dad will be back soon. Shh, you gotta be quiet. Come on,” I pleaded with my brother to stop making noise. I started to sing the song that my mother would sing to us as we would go to sleep.

“Little bird in your tree

Won’t you come to me

It’s time to come and rest

Come to your nest

And lay your head upon my breast

Little bird in your tree

Close your eyes and go to sleep

There’s no need for counting sheep

Just listen to my heart

And we’ll never be a part

Little bird in your tree

It’s time to sleep, sleep, sleep”

It was when I got to the end of the song that the noise outside became silent. All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating wildly and the soft snores of my brother in my arms. It was like everything around me just stopped. The next thing I heard was the deep voice of a man speaking to my father.

“Alton. Good to see again,” the deep voice said.

“Merek. It’s been a long time,” said my father calmly.

“Yes it has. If I remember correctly, the last time we saw each other was when you got me kicked out of the King’s Army,” Merek said with hatred filling his face.

“I did what I had to do. You were a traitor to King and country,” my father replied.

“How dare you!” Merek yelled but was interrupted by another voice.

“Enough! We are not here for you to complain about things in the past,” said the mystery voice. I could have sworn I had heard that voice before but I just could not place it. I decided to lay brother on our parents bed and see if I could figure out what was happening outside. I walked to the door of the house and tried to peek through the cracks but all I could see was the light torches lighting the area. I needed to know what was happening, so I went to the window in the back bedroom and crawled out as quietly as I could.

Just as my feet hit the ground, the mysterious voice spoke again.

“Hello, Alton. Ah, the beautiful Cora. So good to see you again,” the voice said to my mother and father. I slowly moved to the corner of the house to peek around and could see the backs of my mother and father facing a group of what looked to be soldiers.

“What are you doing here Asher,” my father told the voice. I finally had a name to the voice but I still could not figure out how I knew him, nor could I figure out how my mother and father knew him.

“Why, is that anyway to treat family?” Asher asked my father. He was family to my father. How could I have never heard of him before? Why would my father keep his family from us? He always told me stories of his family and was always truthful with us, so why is it that I do not know who this man is? At this point I had so many questions whirling around in my head. I slowly made my way to the large tree that was directly beside our house to try and get a better look at who my father was speaking to.

“We are not family; not for a long time,” my father said to Asher in an impatient voice.

“Hahaha. Yes, you would say that. I only ever did what I had to do. You were the one who acted as though you were above everyone, even though we both not that is not true,” Asher said to my father. As I peeked around the tree I could just barely see the silhouette of the man named Asher but I could not see his face.

“I have never lied about the things that I have done, or the mistakes that I have made. At least I have always told the truth and tried to do good by my family,” my father threw back at Asher.

“Your family! A family you stole from me! Your wife, beautiful Cora, was meant to be with me, not you! You took her and everything I could have from me!” Asher began to yell at my father. I was now afraid of who this man was and why he was saying all these things about my father. None of it made sense.

“You never lost your family. You walked away from the family you did have and destroyed the chance you had at a future one,” my father said.

“She was promised to me but I made one little mistake and everything was taken from me! I was never even given a chance to make things right,” Asher got in my father’s face.

“I never loved you in that way Asher,” my mother finally speaking to Asher.

“You could have loved me the same way I love you, had I ever been given the chance,” Asher softly spoke to my mother.

“That is enough! What happened is done and in the past. You have to let it go and move on,” my father said in a pleading voice.

“Let it go? Move on? No, you deserve to be punished for what you have done to me,” Asher said while pulling out his sword. I saw my mother pull my father back and saw her whispering in his ear, but I could not hear what she said.

“I am not going to fight you just because you blame me for you mistakes and failures,” my father said trying sound calm.

“No? I don’t believe you have a choice,” he said as one of the soldiers grabbed my mother and pulled her away from them while holding a knife to her neck.

“Now pick up the sword and show us the noble man you tell everyone you are,” Asher said sneering at my father. I watched as my father slowly bent down and grabbed the sword while looking he looked at my mother.

“I don’t want to do this,” my father said pleading with Asher.

“Well I do!” Asher said while plunging forward towards my father with his sword. My father blocked the sword from hitting him and pushed Asher away. Asher started to slowly move in circles around my father trying to intimidate him. My father followed his every move and was able to block every swing of Asher’s sword. Asher knocked my father down to the ground and stood over him.

“My my, you have become an old man haven’t you. I mean you could always overpower me when we were younger. What has happened to you? You can’t even defend your own honor. How could you ever protect your family?” Asher questioned my father mockingly.

“Do not speak about my family. You do not know the first thing about being a part of a family,” my father said in a cold voice. I had never heard my father speak in that tone. I was so frightened of what was happening and was watching the fight with wide eyes.

“And who’s fault is that,” Asher yelled as he brought the sword down towards my father who blocked it. They continued to swing their swords towards each other before Asher threw my father off of him. He stalked towards my father with the sword as he was trying to get up. As Asher thrusted the sword down, my mother broke free from her captor and jumped towards them.

I was suddenly frozen to my spot behind the tree. I could not move, speak, or hardly breathe. All I could see was the shock on my father’s face when he saw my mother in front of him holding her stomach with the sword in between her fingers. Asher pulled the sword back from my mother and slowly backed away from her. My father caught her in his arms and began to rock her.

“What have you done,” my father asked my mother with a distraught voice.

“I couldn’t let him kill you,” my mother said laying her hand on my father’s cheek.

“I love you my pretty bird,” my father said now with tears running down his face.

“I love you too my special bird,” my mother said as she took her last breath. I was so shocked that I didn’t notice the tears that were falling down my own face.

My father slowly laid my mother down on the ground and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead. He then wiped his hand down his face before picking up his sword and charging towards Asher.

“You killed her!” my yelled.

“She made the mistake of protecting a man who was not worth it,” Asher said back. My father lunged towards Asher and continued to fight with so much more power than before. All I could do was stare at my mother’s body lying on the ground, until I heard the sound of my father scream. I turned my head and saw my father on his knees facing towards me holding his stomach and Asher standing behind him.

“It looks like I have finally beaten you,” Asher said. At that moment my father looked up and noticed me behind the tree. I looked at him with tears streaming down my face and holding on to the tree for dear life. He looked right at me, nodded his head, and smiled.

“Goodbye Alton,” Asher said to my father. My father closed his eyes and I did too. I could not see what was about to happen. I broke down behind that tree beside the house that we always used to read together under. I cried for my mother and for my father.

“What now sir?” I barely hear one of the soldiers asked.

“Burn it. Burn it all,” Asher answered.

“What about the kids?” the soldier asked again. It was then that I remembered my brother was still in the house. I had to try and get him out of the house before they did anything. I made my way back to the window that I had climbed out of previously. I could hear them walking towards the house as I was trying to climb through the window. Just as I got to the bed the door swung open and a pair of hands grabbed me trying to pull out of the room. I screamed and tried to fight with everything that I had in me to get away but the person who had me was too strong. My brother cried out in fright, calling for our mother and father.

“It won’t end well for you if you keep fighting,” said the voice of the man holding me. Eventually he got me out of the house and through me on the ground. I had the air knocked from my lungs at the impact of me hitting the ground. I could hear the sounds of my brother crying to the left of me.

“Here are the children sir,” said the soldier next to me.

“Well, well. What do we have here,” I could hear Asher saying.

“How old are you sweetie?” Asher asked me. I had barely caught my breath and continue looking at the ground that I had been thrown on.

“My…my name is Alice,” I stuttered out.

“Alice. What a beautiful name,” he said to me in a soft voice. I still could not look up at the face of the man who was destroying my family. I closed my eyes trying to take a deep breath.

“You look just like your beautiful mother. You have the same reddish-brown hair that comes down in long, straight strands. So soft and beautiful. You have the same small face of hers that always seemed so soft,” he said as he reached out to touch my cheek. I pulled away from him

“But your eyes are not hers. You have the same dark blue eyes of your father,” he said with distain in his voice.

“It seems Alton had the son that he always wished for. It’s sad he will never get to see him grow up into a man,” Asher said speaking to himself while petting my brother’s head. I heard the sounds of soldiers moving around me and could hear the sounds of them setting my home on fire. I could see the feet of Asher walking in front of me, while I slowly grabbed the small knife that my father always made me keep in my boot.

“You will be coming with me now. Okay, Alice?” he said while kneeling down. I finally brought my head up and saw the eyes of the man who had killed my mother and father. I realized I knew those eyes from when I was a child, but before I could say anything the roof of my house fell in making a loud noise that startled everyone. I took my chance and stabbed my knife into Asher’s left cheek.

He screamed in agony clutching his face. Before anyone could grab me I turned and made a run for the woods behind my home. I could the sound of soldiers trying to run after me. As I got to the trees I could hear the sounds of them running stop.

“Stop! Let her go!” I could hear Asher yelling to his men.

“But sir…,” one of the men tried to question.

“I said leave her! She will never make it out of those woods alive,” Asher said to his men.

“What about the boy?”

“We’ll take him with us. We’ll be his family now.”

As I got a little way into the trees, I stopped to breathe and everything came crashing down. Fell to my knees, let the tears run down my face, and tried to get a hold of everything that had happened. I noticed the necklace that my mother had given the day my brother was born. It was a small wooden box attached to a thick piece of string. It had my initials etched onto the front side of the box, and had a small feather sitting inside of it. I remember what my mother told me the day she gave it to me.

“Do you know what the feather represents Alice?” she asked me. I just nodded my head no.

“Birds fly away for the winter because of the cold, but when air warms up and the flowers bloom they find their way back home. As long as you keep this with you, you will always find you way back to us,” my mother told me smiling.

I clutched the necklace to me and held the small knife in my hand. The only too things I had left of my family. I realized that I had left my brother behind and felt so ashamed of not saving him. I did not know what would happen to him, but I also did not know what would happen to me. I looked around and realized that I was all alone, in the dark, stuck in the woods with no way of knowing where to go.

All I could see was the outline of the trees and their branches created by moonlight above. Everything was quiet around me. It was as if everything had gone to sleep. I stood up with the knife in my hand and started forward. I had to make it out of these woods, even if I didn’t know how to.  I walked and walked but everything around looked the same, so I was unsure if I was any closer to a clearing. I kept walking until I could not continue any longer. I sat against a tree and cried with pain in my heart until I fell asleep.

I later awoke to the sounds of birds singing their song. I opened my eyes not knowing where I was at first, but after a moment, I remembered everything that had happened. I felt this sharp pain in my chest remember the image of my mother and father on the ground, lifeless. I tried to keep the tears in and took a few deep breaths. I stood up and wiped the leaves of my legs. I finally felt how cold it had gotten over night and only then realized that I did not have cloak or anything to stay warm with.

I felt so lost without my mother and father. I started to walk not caring if I was going the right way. After a few hours I heard the sounds of my stomach reminding me that I had not eaten in some time. I tried to find berries, anything to eat but I did not know what was safe to eat. What if picked a poisonous berry? I didn’t know how to hunt. I heard something that sounded like a stream running nearby. I quickly ran to the sound and found a small stream that was running through the woods. I knelt down using my hands to bring the water towards my mouth.

I remembered my father told me that if I was to ever get lost to find water and follow it. Eventually you come to find house or village where you could get help. I stood up and started the follow the flow of the stream. As I continued to walk I found myself going through all the memories that I had playing with my father when we traveled to the Red Mountain River. It took us almost half a day to get there but my father told me it would be worth it.

“I used to come here when I was your age. It was always so beautiful and the fish tasted like nothing I had ever tasted before,” he told me with a smile on his face. All I did was smile back at him and continued to walk next to him. I closed my eyes trying to keep that image of his face forever in memory. I was startled by the sound of thunder above me, signaling the coming of rain. I kept falling the stream hoping that I would find someone soon. I felt the drops of cold rain on my skin as the clouds opened up and let the water fall. I kept moving because I felt there had to be a place around here that I could take shelter.

After what felt like forever, I just saw the outline of what looked like a small house below a hill in the distance. I started to run towards the way of the house but slipped and fell on a rock. I looked down to see the knee of my pants ripped open and blood coming from my knee. I started to cry again both from the physical pain and from the feelings of being all alone. I tried to get up and continue towards the house. With every step I took, a sharp pain emanated from the open cut on my leg. I got closer to the house and saw a small barn like structure next to it.

I was so cold, wet, hungry, and hurting physical and emotional pain that I could only make it to the small structure next to the house. I managed to get the large, wooden door open enough for me to slip through. I could not see much of what was in the building put I did see a pile of hay in the back corner. I slowly made my way over and collapsed on the pile of hay. I felt my body giving up, whether it was from hunger or the events that happened the other night, I do not know. My eyes started to slowly close as I got more tired with each breath. The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was the outline of man standing at the door of the barn, but I did not have the energy to speak or move. I let myself fall into a deep sleep no longer worrying about what was to happen.

[writergirl98]

What If?! (Allegiant/Divergent)

What if everything that happened to Tris throughout the series did not actually happen?

Warnings: none

A/N: This is my first time writing something like this so I hope you enjoy it. This scene would fit at the end of chapter 50 or be the beginning of chapter 51 when Tris is dying.  

I go gladly into her embrace, and as I go something feels weird and familiar at the same time. The next thing I know I open my eyes and look into a white, bright light. As my eyes begin to adjust to the light; I begin to realize that I am in a room with mirrors all around me, and a monitor beeping next to me.

“What just happened? Where am I? Am I dead?,” I mumbled with confusion.

"No Beatrice, you’re not dead," says my mother.

"What? How?," I tried to say.

" You had a bad reaction to the simulation serum and was under longer than usual. They called me down here to get you," she says.

"So you're saying that everything that just happened: you dying, the rebellion, and Tobias, it... it was all just the simulation. None of it happened," I said beginning to feel tears run down my face.

"Oh, Beatrice! It's okay! It's going to be okay. It was only your fears," she said trying to keep me from losing it.

My mom sat there with me trying to reassure me that it wasn't real that it was just my worst fears, and that none of it happened. She doesn't realize that I crying not because I'm scared of the fact that it felt so real, but that it wasn't real. None of it; not Chris, not Will, not Al, none of my friends, the rebellion, finding the people behind the wall, trying to save everyone, and Four. Four how could he not be real! He had to be real! He had to be.

“Beatrice? Are you okay?” my mom says.

“Yeah, mom. I’m fine, just a little shaken up, thank you,” I say hoping she can’t see through me. She looks at me like she knows I am lying, but she doesn’t question it.

“All right then, lets get you home,” she says.

I shake my head not wanting to say anything else lest she be able to tell how shaken up and angry I am.

“Thank you, Tori, for taking care of my daughter,” my mother says.

When she said thank you I hadn’t even realized that anyone else was in the room with us. I looked at Tori and she gave me the same look she did in my simulation, with fear in her eyes. I wanted to turn around and talk to her, ask her if any of that was real, and if it could actually happen, but mom continued to usher me out.

As we were walking back home I couldn’t help but think of everything and everyone that was in the simulation and think about how all of that was a fear if I had so many good things come from it. I met my friends Chris, Will, Al, and of course Tobias, Four. How could Tobias be my fear when I apparently haven’t actually met him? There was so much going through my head that I hadn’t even noticed mom talking to me.

“Beatrice are you listening to me,” she asks me.

“ What? Oh, sorry, mom. Yes, I’m listening now,” I say hoping she doesn’t ask me what I was distracted by.

“Look I know you are under some stress with the choosing tomorrow, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you choose, I will always love,” she says with truth in her voice.

As I look into my mother’s eyes I know she means what she says, but that still doesn’t help my decision because there is so much going through my head I can’t put any coherent words together. Since I can’t seem to find the words to say, I just turn to her and give her a reassuring hug that I believe her.

Once we get home I begin to work on supper, and once I get about halfway through chopping the vegetables Caleb walks in.

“Hey, where were you after your simulation? I looked for you, but I couldn’t find you, so I just came home,” Caleb says.

“I got sick so they sent me home early,” I say hoping he can’t tell that there is more to the story.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else that happened,” he says quizzically.

“Yeah, I got done with my simulation, and began to get sick so they sent me home. Since you seem so interested in how my simulation went, might I ask you what happened in your test,” I say trying to hide my frustration.

We look into each other’s eyes hoping the other will say something first, but then in the distance, the train horn goes off shaking us out of our awkward staring contest.

The rest of the night we prepared supper in silence. The only sound that was made was when our parents got home and asked how supper was going. During supper, neither Caleb nor I said too much. I had been trying to lessen on the opinion talking at the table because I seem to be too open minded and opinionated for an Abnegation.

Once supper was finished our parents took the dishes from us and told us to return to our rooms because tonight was meant to be to ourselves to think over our choice for tomorrow. As we were headed up the stairs Caleb stops me with his hand on my shoulder.

“Beatrice,” he says with a stern face. “Tomorrow, we should think of our family, but we must also think of ourselves,” he says with an edge to his voice. I stared at him with a little bit of disbelief. My brother, Caleb, the one who never thought of himself and the one who always insisted on being nothing other than selfless.

I am so surprised and startled by his comment that I just say the only thing that would be right to say in this situation: “The tests don’t have to change what our choices are.

He gives me a slight smirk and says,”Don’t they, though? Think about it.”

I watch him walk into his room still completely confused about what just happened, and just wish I could be selfish for one minute and tell him what happened in my simulation. I wish that I could walk right in there and tell him everything that I know like it wouldn’t have any consequences, but I know if I tell him what happened and what I experienced we both would be in trouble. I want him to help me figure out what my simulation meant, and what my decision should be, but admitting that I need help is too embarrassing to even think about.

Finally, I walk into my room, and as I sit down on my perfectly clean and made bed, I begin to think that maybe making the decision is easier than I thought. I can easily get rid of all other factions except for two. So the question still remains: Do I stay with my family and do what is right, or do I go with what the simulation showed me? Do I take the chance of having a simple and long life, or do I take the chance of having an amazing and short life? Out of all these questions, there is one thing I do know, only one can win.

I stay up most of the night trying to figure out what I am going to do, and I only get a couple hours of sleep before I wake up to the sun rising. My mind is in a million places at once, my stomach is in my throat, and I hope that once I get to decision making time that I know what to do.

The bus we take to get to the Choosing Ceremony is crowded and full of people in gray; gray shirts and gray slacks. I sit staring at all the gray when I begin to see the Hub. The Hub is the tallest and probably most elegant building in the city. I can see the lights of the building from my bedroom window, and when I can’t sleep sometimes I just stare at it.

I follow my parents off the bus and see that Caleb seems pretty calm, but I would be pretty calm too if I had any idea what I was going to do. Instead, I am pretty sure that my heart will burst out of my chest, and that everyone around me can definitely hear it. I wrap my sweater around me tighter hoping that it will keep my heart inside my chest.

As we get to the elevators we see that they are very crowded, and like a perfect Abnegation my father gives up our spots to some Amity members. I give an internal groan because that means we have to walk up the twenty flights of stairs to get to the Choosing Ceremony. As we begin to ascend the stairs we get surrounded by a sea of gray when all the other Abnegation faction members begin to follow my father’s example and let everyone else use the stairs.

Finally, after what seems like forever, we get to the room that is used for the ceremony. The room is arranged in a  perfect pattern of concentric circles. On the edges of each circle stand the sixteen-year-olds of every faction. Since we have not chosen which faction we belong in yet we are not considered members. Our decisions today will make us initiated, and if we pass initiation we will become members of the society.

We begin to arrange ourselves in alphabetical order according to our last names that we may or may not leave behind today. Beside us are the rows of chairs where our families will be watching our decision on whether to leave them or not. The room is beginning to fill up, even though not everyone in the city is coming to the Choosing Ceremony.

In the last circle are the five metal bowls that holds our decision, the bowls that hold our fate. Each one contains a substance that represents each of the factions: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor. Each bowl big enough to hold all of our choices.

When it comes time Marcus will call Caleb’s name, and he will choose. After he chooses it will be my turn. Once he calls my name I will walk up to the bowls, Marcus will offer me a knife, and then I will cut my hand and put a drop of my blood into the bowl of the faction that I choose. Simple, very simple, at least it seems that way.

Before my parents go and sit down, they stand in front of Caleb and me. My father claps Caleb on the shoulder, grinning like he knew what Caleb was going to do. Then my father turns to me and kisses me on my forehead.

“See you both soon,” he says. Without any trace of doubt.

I look at her and what resolve I had left breaks, but only for a minute. My mother hugs me and holds me for what seems like forever, and right before she pulls away she whispers to me, “Remember what I said.”

Instead of thinking about what my decision is going to be; I begin to think about what happened in my simulation. Was everybody that I meant during the simulation real? Are they here now? As my mind begins to go to Christina, Al, Will and Four, I begin to look around and see if they are here and are real, but I get very little time to look for them

as Marcus walks to the podium, and the room slowly begins to quiet down and come to order.

“Welcome,” he says. “Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor our ancestors’ democratic philosophy, which tells us that every man and woman has the right to choose their own way in the world.”

“Our children are now sixteen. They stand on the edge of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of person they are and will be,” Marcus says with pride.

As Marcus speaks, my eyes keep diverting to the choosing bowls. What do I do? Where do I go? Do I stay With my family or do I leave them and find a new one? What do I do?

As Marcus finishes speaking, the entire room goes silent with the words he spoke. Marcus finishes his speech with a happy note.

“Today we receive our new initiates who will work with us to make a better society and a better world,” he says with power in his voice.

A round of applause echoes through the room. It sounds muffled and almost non-existent, but I know it is loud as the horn of the train maybe even louder.

Marcus begins to read the names, but I am nervous to the point that my heart is beating too loud for me to tell one syllable from the other. How will I know when he calls my name?

One by one, each sixteen-year-old walks up to the middle of the room, in front of the bowls. The first girl to choose decides on the same faction that she came from, Amity. As each person goes up I watch as their blood drops in each bowl.  I continue to watch as each child goes up and chooses. I watch as they leave their families for good, and start the path to create new ones. Then the name Marcus calls next brings me back to life.

“Caleb Prior,” Marcus says.

Caleb squeezes my hand as he looks back at our parents. They give him a reassuring nod, and he walks up to the bowls. I watch his feet and his hands, both as steady as a brick building, as he takes the knife from Marcus. I watch as he slides the knife across his hand and lets blood pool in his palm. I watch as he takes a deep breath, and holds his hand over the Erudite bowl. I watch as his blood drops into the bowl.

The only thing I notice is the look on Caleb’s face when turns around to face us. I don’t hear the cries of outrage or the cheers of the Erudite. I don’t hear anything; I only see. I only see the look on my brother’s face. Then I begin to realize that when he was giving me advice he was also giving himself advice.

Marcus tries to quiet the room down.

”Excuse me,” he says, but no one hears him. Finally, he shouts,”Quiet, please!”

The room goes silent, and then I hear the name I have been dreading since yesterday, my name. I get a rush of energy that propels me forward, and about half way there I look at Caleb and he gives me a reassuring nod. I begin to trip over my own feet as I think about what I am going to decide. What choice do I have, now that Caleb left and I am the only one left? Do I stay for my family or do I leave and disappoint my parents? He left me to make the ultimate decision. He left me with no other possible option.

As I get to the front Marcus offers me the knife. As I take the knife from him my hands begin to shake, and my vision begins to blur. Marcus looks at me and gives me a reassuring look. I step up to the bowls with each element representing each faction. As I  stare at the bowls in front of me, I notice the Dauntless fire and the Abnegation stones to the left of me; beside each other. I know it is time to make a decision, so I take a deep breath, grit my teeth, and slide the knife across my palm. It stings, at first but I can barely notice with how scared and nervous I am. I hold both hands to my chest, close my eyes, and take another deep breath hoping it will allow me to think straight.

I decide it is time to man up and do this, so I open my eyes and thrust my hand out. My blood begins to drip on the floor between the two bowls. I gasp and bring my hand back to my chest. As I begin to get nervous my mind goes from my parents to the friends that I thought and hoped were real and from Caleb to Four. My mind continuously going back and forth. Then not realizing what I am doing, I throw my arm back out, and with a loud gasp that could be heard by everyone, I decide. I give my blood to the faction that will be my home, my family, and possibly my death, for the rest of my life.

And I go gladly into the embrace of my family, my faction.

Have I made the right choice?

I hope with every fiber in my body I have.

I know I have.

I believe I have.

[writergirl98]

Everyone who reblogs/ favorites this will get a nice picture of Rob Benedict in their inbox!

[writergirl98]

step 1: go to google maps step 2: search “south australia” step 3: zoom in once step 4: drag the little yellow street view dude to maralinga

[writergirl98]

[writergirl98]

Short question

How many would buy the DVD of Coriolanus, Frankenstein and other productions streamed by NT Live? Would be great if you’d repost this and like so I have a number.

[writergirl98]

Reblog if you'll still be part of the Sherlock fandom in 2 years waiting for S4

[writergirl98]

this is the arrow of destiny. reblog this and see what comes up next. this person/saying/thing will have something to do with your future

[writergirl98]

[writergirl98]

Awesome

I recommend every Sherlock BBC fan to reblog this awesome pic of Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. This pic is… OMG.

[writergirl98]

- seat free? - sit!

[writergirl98]

Haters never win.

[writergirl98]

This is pretty much what it looks like when I get out of my recliner…except there’s no cuteness involved when I do it.