writing-in-strawberry-fields

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

Someone at my Side

Chapter 3 The Effect of Time

20 Years Later

The plastic gloves covering Nic’s hands are about two sizes too big and falling apart; they are infuriating. There’s a large hole where her thumb is poking out but she’s only allowed one set of gloves a day. It’s barely 2:00 in the afternoon. There seems to be a never-ending line at the Boston QZ Food Ration Distribution Facility.

Her clocking time ends at four and it's a half-hour walk back to her apartment complex, then she has thirty minutes till she has to start dinner in time for when Joel gets home. He’ll probably eat in silence, look at her once if she’s lucky, and then close himself off in their room for a few hours, and when Nic goes in there later he’ll be passed out on pills and whiskey. She’ll follow his routine.

Tess will pop in late as always, eat cold leftovers, and crash in the next room over.

But for now, Nic continues to throw cans of beans, corn, and pears into bags. Stuff that is easily produced for the masses. Things like processed fruit, wheat, and vegetables, some of which have a high probability of coming from before the outbreak. Most stuff stopped being manufactured in sync with the rest of the world.

Nic doesn't make friends in QZs. People form connections, but they don’t have friends. Kim was a good example of that. Nic and Kim were not friends, they didn’t make each other pies or get coffee together but when times were rough when one of them didn’t show up to work, there’d always be an extra card at their workstation. What encouraged their “bond” the most was that they met in the Fireflies, a dying rebellion.

Kim’s gone today, so Nic clocks out late at the end of her shift and takes a spare card, and attaches it to the underside of the table, spearing the end on a nail poking out. Some lower-ranked FEDRA officers walk down the aisles of Food Preppers, shouting orders that it’s time to get out.

The sun’s setting and Nic fears what’s to come, dreads the quietness of their home, the coldness of Joel’s shoulder. There is this hollowness to their life now, not just because of what they lost.

The walk home is quiet, it’s going to rain soon and there’s too much humidity in the air so Nic is sweating through her shirt. Curfew is quick to come and by the time she makes it to the front door of their complex, Nic is being shouted at by patrol officers. The three flights of stairs kill Nic’s knees and as she’s opening the front door, her leg is on fire.

It’s dark. She’s late.

The house is dead, Nic wants to get away so she opens the door to her room. There are some loose pills and a half-finished glass of whiskey, she cleans them up before walking over to the bed. It’s a crappy mattress sitting on a piece of plywood and some cement blocks, covered by one of those old grandma quilts that were rationed out when it got colder. Joel is sleeping on her side of the bed.

Years of experience and practice allow Nic to slip into bed effortlessly keeping Joel asleep. As she relaxes into the mattress, her back releases all the tension held up from the long day of work, and Nic’s arm slips over Joel’s side.

Sometimes people are kinder when they are asleep.

Though her eyes are closed, it’s easy for Nic to think about how they have aged, her knee never seemed to fully recover, and Joel has his own lasting scars. His hair is getting lighter and her bones sure aren’t getting younger. Nic can’t let herself think more about time, can’t let herself fall apart in this bed next to Joel, thinking about what should have been happening, where they should have been in life.

Nic wakes up to the sounds of Tess in the kitchen. She must’ve gotten in late last night for Nic to not have heard her. The noises remind Nic that she didn’t make dinner and forgot to eat yesterday entirely. The pain in her stomach doesn’t help either. Joel and Nic both must have turned around at some point while sleeping because now it was Joel’s arm wrapped around her stomach. They were both awake but didn’t move for a moment. Couldn’t bring themselves to break out of this quiet island.

Forcing herself to make the first move, Nic walks out of the room without looking back at her husband. Nic knows herself enough to know that the hard gaze on Joel’s face would not help the long day to come.

Tess is making some sad excuse for coffee that FEDRA has to offer and juggles over three cups. Joel and Nic sit across from her without a word. Nic stares down at the cup for a moment before raising it to her lips, holding her breath to avoid the awful taste as much as possible, and drinks. It’s putrid but it’s all they really have. Tess faces them.

“I got jumped by a couple guys.” Joel tries to get up on his feet instantly, moving closer to examine Tess’ swollen eye. She gives him a look that has him sitting down again. Nic doesn’t move to question the woman. She gives Tess her attention but doesn’t react to the injury. It’s not the first time one of them came home beat up from the streets.

“What guys?” Joel gently moves Tess’ head so the light hits her face better. There’s a split right next to her eye that’s still oozing, Nic imagines that it’s painful.

“Just a couple teenagers. Said some shit, probably shouldn’t’ve.” Nic gets up to grab some alcohol and a cloth, thinking of the infection that could come from that open wound. “Come on. You know these guys were born after the outbreak. Never learned how to argue. They just start swingin’. Fuckin’ 19-year-old pieces of shit.”

Tess is mainly talking to herself, filling the silence. Nic appreciates it because Joel can’t seem to loosen up and Nic knows she wouldn’t be able to say anything of substance.

“It’s a miracle you’re alive,” Joel grumbles as Nic crouches down next to Tess’ chair and starts to dab the wet cloth on the woman’s head.

“It’s a miracle any of us are alive.”

Nic snorts, “Poetic.” The comment leaves Tess chuckling, looking over at her and smirking.

“These aren’t new,” Joel interrupts their moment. Nic glances at him once before turning back to Tess’s bruises.

“No. I was in FEDRA lockup all day. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” Nic begs to differ. FEDRA lockup is almost worse than being on the streets. The officers there are higher ranking, meaning they get paid more to be assholes. Tess gently pushes Nic’s hand away and looks between Joel and the woman squatting. “I need you to take a breath.”

“What?” Joel cuts to the chase, not wanting to dance around what Tess needs to tell them.

“Joel…” Nic sighs.

“What?” He asks again, not pausing to acknowledge Nic. The disregard stings. Tess doesn’t address the clear issue between them.

“The guys who jumped me were with Robert. He sold our battery to someone else.” Joel brings his hands up to his head, processing what this means to their plans, and to Tommy. “Nothing’s lost. Shit like this is gonna happen. Now we just shake it off, and we go get our cards back, or the battery,” Tess continues on but Joel won’t have any of it.

“I need the battery, Tess.” Joel is up on his feet instantly, walking away from the women to sit on the couch. Tess gets up to follow him, Nic is close behind but not without her knee protesting some. “Truck’s no good without one, and if I don’t get to Tommy soon, he’s gonna die out there.”

In some of the minimal conversations Joel and Nic had had over the past week, Tommy’s disappearance was one of them. Communication every day for 20 years and then nothing for the past two weeks. It had been causing Nic some anxiety, knowing that anything could happen to him out there. They didn’t have many people to call family out there in the world.

“Okay, fuck it.” Tess peers at Joel and Nic, nodding her head. “We get our money back and the battery. But, Joel,” She turns to him and waits till he looks at her, making sure she has his full attention before she goes on. “Listen, Robert is terrified of you. So you march outta here all Clint Eastwood, he’s gonna get wind of it and skip. I need you to take a breath.”

Joel listens this time and inhales softly before asking. “Who’d he sell it to?”

“Don’t know.”

“Well, where is he?” Joel’s patience doesn’t last long and Tess can tell.

“Don’t know… yet. But we’re gonna find out… quietly. Understand? Now I promised Robert that you wouldn’t hurt him. But I would very much like for you to hurt him. So let’s go hunt that motherfucker down, and get our battery and our truck, and then we’ll go find Tommy. All right?”

“All right,” Joel says after a while. Nic watches him for a moment before sitting down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and slowly his arm moves to wrap around her back. No one says anything as Joel holds her and she sighs. It’s progress.

It’d been a few weeks since they got into the fight. She’d come home and Joel had been furious and intoxicated. They both said things they shouldn’t have and Nic just started sleeping in their bed again. This argument… it would take time for things to get back to “normal”. If there was a categorical normal anymore.

Nic glances at Tess who is watching her, the bruises on her face still look painful. Tess nods to her, a gesture that tells Nic what words couldn’t convey.

“Sounds like a plan,” Nic says but not a single one of them can bring themselves to get up and leave.

The brick wall was digging into Nic’s back as she watched Tess barter information with their cards. Joel’s standing about a foot in front of her and has his bodyguard persona on. His arms are crossed, making the muscles prominent, shown off also by how his sleeves have been rolled up. Frankly, Joel looked terrifying.

Nic didn’t seem approachable either but the facade wouldn’t last.

The small alley is packed, a perfect breeding ground for illicit affairs. Nic estimates at least eighty people working the small square. It’s busy, overcrowded, and wholly illegal. Ten years ago this would have been a playground for Nic; people change.

Tess glances back over her shoulder at the pair while she passes over some cards. Joel nods slightly. She turns back to the deal with the reassurance that she’s doing what’s right. The crowd makes Nic nervous, quiet. She’s folding and unfolding her arms, bouncing her legs, and fixing her hair. New people just don’t cut it for Nic anymore. Social anxiety turned into a real bitch.

Some guy, late 20s maybe, with blonde buzzed hair, creeps up to Joel, missing Nic standing behind him. His hands are stuffed in his pockets, his shoulders hunching forward to make himself appear meek. It’s not working.

“Hey, friend.” No one, especially in the past twenty years has ever approached Joel Miller and addressed him with “Hey, friend.” “Don’t worry. I don’t want anything.” The boy is standing next to Joel, watching the crowd before glancing over, keeping his head down and his voice in a quiet tone. “But if you’re feelin’ lost…”

“You tell me to “look for the light” and I’ll break your jaw,” Joel says and Nic can’t help but snort at him, because he would, break this poor guy’s jaw. The sound catches his attention and he seems like he’s about to tell her the same thing but is stopped by Joel's firm hand on his shoulder.

“Keep walkin’, buddy.”

The nescient boy throws his hands up a little and walks off. Nic watches him leave until Tess walks up. She notices Nic’s discomfort and starts walking away from the alley crammed with people, Joel and Nic not far behind.

“Well, I mean, it cost us a couple of cards, but, uh, we got him. He’s supposedly takin’ the battery to a red-tagged building. But get this…” She pauses for dramatic effect. “Corner of Stillman and Cross.” Tess’ steps are fast and it’s hurting Nic’s knee but she won’t complain as long as they get away from the crowds.

“The one Miguel used to use,” Joel says as they start passing by tents covered by tarps, people are cutting in front of them and it’s making Nic nervous. People are unpredictable. Joel ever so slightly puts his elbow out and Nic is quick to loop her arm into the space, stepping in closer. No matter what their issues were, Joel always seemed to forget them when it came to Nic’s growing anxiety.

“Yeah, I’m thinkin’ so. I mean, we can take the subway tunnel under Haymarket, get into the building from below, and take Robert by surprise.”

“Pay this fucker back.”

The rest of the day is spent gathering supplies and getting ready to break into the building that Robert is hiding in. The social outing had left Nic exhausted so she made it her job to make sure everyone ate lunch, collect equipment they already had in the house, and take a nap. Joel and Tess went out, getting things that were too dangerous to keep in their apartment building. They came back with more ammunition and bolt cutters.

It’s dark and raining, perfect conditions for a job like this, the lack of visibility making a wonderful cover for sneaking around, the rain hiding any faint sound they might make. Not to mention Joel’s hair always looked pretty when it was wet.

Once Joel cuts open the chains keeping the door locked, they step inside and stop to pull out their flashlights, hitting them a few times to get them to stay lit. They throw their backpacks on again.

“Okay. Ready?”

Joel nods and there’s a pause, Nic looks over to see them expecting an answer from her. She shakes her head and can only think of one response but regrets saying it out loud, regrets even thinking it.

"But if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” Nic knows that Joel remembers it. He remembers how they would read the books out loud together. As a family. It’s ironic really, A Series of Unfortunate Events. She doesn’t look at them as she says, “Let’s go.”

It’s still raining inside on the stairs, and Nic makes sure to hold on to the railing. The last thing they need is her falling and breaking her ass. The sewers smell less than great and their flashlights do little to light their path. They walk in silence for a while until Tess spots some landmarks telling her which way is the correct path. The door takes force to open, and the room is bone dry when it finally gives way.

Tess’ torch lights up an old desk and lamp that reminds Nic of why she never worked in an office. Stacks of unfinished paperwork that would never get done live on the corner of the desk, and pins of “important” papers are all across the wall. Nic moves her light towards the opposite wall.

“Oh!” Tess shouts and the sudden noise is only slightly more terrifying than the dead infected on the wall. Joel and Nic are quick to draw their guns but relax when they see that this creature can’t do any more harm. Its orange fungus grows out of what used to be a man, attaching the body to the wall as it spreads. “Oh fuck. Oh shit.”

“This one’s done.” Tess side-eyes Joel before glancing back at the infected. She lets go of the breath she was probably holding.

“Yeah… I know. I just… I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Don’t think he was either,” Nic says quietly and Tess watches her, silently acknowledging the effort it took for Nic to contribute to the conversation. Nic takes one more glance at the creature on the wall before turning back to the desk. There’s a frame and she picks it up gently to peer at the photo.

“Take it he wasn’t down here last time?” Joel asks.

The image is of a young boy, sitting on his mom’s shoulders. He’s holding up a medal that’s been hung around his neck and he’s showing it to the camera. He’s laughing and there’s this smile on his face that Nic can’t help but mimic slightly. The boy’s mom is staring up at him, one hand on each knee, holding him up and keeping him stable. Though the boy’s smile was precious, the absolute tender love and pride on the mother’s face are nostalgic to Nic. It’s a reminder of a simpler time when all you had to worry about was getting your kid to their soccer game on time. The conversation between Joel and Tess brings Nic back to the present. She sets the frame down on the desk.

“No. You think he came down after he was infected?”

“Well, maybe down here is where he was infected.”

“Let’s keep movin’, Nic.” She follows Tess out of the room. Eventually, they approach a dirt-covered ladder. Nic knows this is going to be painful, especially after all those stairs, and she’s going to slow them down. Joel makes sure she goes before he does.

“It’s like they reframed the whole structure. Probably in the ’80s. Everyone was cutting down on apartment sizes to sell more condos.” Joel’s building facts help distract Nic from the creak in her knee. Every word motivates me to take one more step up.

“Oh. This has been ‘Construction Corner’ with Joel Miller,” Tess makes fun of Joel. Nic laughs quietly but it turns into more of an out-of-breath panting sound. She blames the extra weight from her backpack.

“How far up we goin’?” Joel asks.

“Uh… this far,” Tess says as she steps off the latter onto a platform. Nic grunts and Tess holds out her hand to help her off. She gratefully takes it and wheezes silently to herself while Joel follows them.

“So, this… this opens into the ha-hallway.” Tess stutters her words when she tries to push the door open and it won’t budge. “What the fuck? Someone put a piano in front of this?” She’s mostly mumbling to herself and Nic who is standing trying to help her push.

Joel peers around with his flashlight before sniffing. “You smell that?”

“Yeah…” Tess trails off, her attempts at opening the door stopped momentarily.

“Gunpowder,” Nic says as she pulls her gun out of her waistband. When she glances at Joel and sees that he’s looking down. She follows his gaze and sees blood pouring out from under the door like the faucet on a broken sink. Tess nods at Nic to help her once again and this time, the door moves just enough for them to squeeze through.

Joel’s protests fall on deaf ears.

Robert’s body falls to the side, a bullet hole in his cheek. When they gaze up at the rest of the hallway, they are met with eight or nine more bodies. Keeping her gun pointed up and watching guard, Nic listens as Tess crouches next to Robert’s body and the stolen battery.

“Well, the battery’s no good. And he still tried to sell it. Twice. You greedy fuck.”

The sound of someone’s grunts down the hall alerts the three of them and Tess slowly stands. Quietly, they step down the hallway, avoiding the legs and arms of the dead around them. Whoever’s injured is not alone or is talking to themselves, either a likely option, but whatever they’re saying is indistinguishable. Joel leads them, followed by Nic and Tess, walking until there’s another hallway. He peaks over the side of the wall.

He steps out, raising his gun and walking further down the new path. Nic follows him silently.

The door to the right opens and a small figure comes out with a battle cry, holding a knife above their head. Joel easily throws the person against the wall and instantly Nic and his guns are pointed at them. Whoever they are wheeze and curse.

It’s just a child and they’re panting and pissed as she glances between the two people with guns.

“Joel?” The person down the hall calls. Joel looks over, keeping his gun trained on the child. Nic doesn’t move her gaze until she hears the mysterious injured person’s name.

“Marlene?” Joel says, disbelief and annoyance in his voice. When Nic looks up, she sees another familiar face.

“Nicole?” She doesn’t answer Kim. Marlene’s got a bullet to the lower stomach and Kim’s ear looks like it was either cut or shot off. Either way, it’s disgusting. When they seem to understand that Nic won’t be responding, Marlene addresses the girl.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” The child keeps her hard eyes on Joel and Nic until her attention catches on the knife she dropped on the ground. As soon as she goes to reach for it, Joel’s boot is trapped on the floor. Joel scowls at her and she glares right back.

“Ellie… Ellie!” On the second time Marlene says her name, Ellie looks over to the Firefly.

“Oh shit!” She tries to get up but Marlene stops her.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be alright. And you can’t be stupid like this.” Marlene and Kim drop their weapons. Joel and Nic do no such thing. Tess finally rounds the corner.

“So this is who Robert screwed us over with? The Che Guevara of Boston? I mean, war must be goin’ pretty shitty for you to be buying from scumbags like him.”

“Yeah, it kinda has been. The merch was bad, and he didn’t take “fuck off” for an answer,” Marlene responds, disappointed. She’s leaning against the wall for support.

“Gimme my knife,” Ellie says as she stares down at Joel’s boot. He pays her no mind.

“What do you need a car battery for?”

Ellie moves to grab his foot and both Joel and Nic ready their weapons.

“Don’t,” Joel says shortly.

“Not at her,” Marlene cuts in. Kim and the head of the Fireflies both have their guns aimed at Joel and Nic. “Point it at me.” Nic looks back at Ellie, who now has their hands against the wall and she’s shaking slightly. Nic thinks for a moment before pointing her weapon at the ground. “And to answer your question, I need it for a better reason than you do. No offense, but Tommy’s just one man. It’s our business to know things.”

“‘To know things,’” Joel scoffs. “You’re the cause of it. You turned my brother against me.”

“Okay, Joel,” Marlene says, dismissing him. It annoys the crap out of Nic. It’s one of the reasons why it was so easy for her to leave Fireflies.

“That was a lot of gunfire. FEDRA’s gonna be on the way,” Kim says to Marlene.

“I know.”

Ellie grabs onto her shoulder, probably smarting from when Joel threw her against the wall.

Marlene seems to argue with herself before deciding to continue explaining why they needed the damn car battery. “We were gonna move Ellie outta the zone tonight. But we won’t make it anywhere like this. Not for a while anyway. So now I’m thinkin’… you’re gonna do it.”

“The hell we are.”

“I’m not goin’ with them!”

Joel and Ellie shout at Marlene at the same time. Nic glances between the two for a moment before shaking the thoughts from her head.

“Let me take her,” Kim offers but she is ignored.

“Tess… we don’t have time for this,” Joel tells her over Nic’s shoulder. Their whole purpose for the trip tonight was pointless. Even if Robert had sold them the battery, it still wouldn't have worked.

“Oh, you don’t have time?” Marlene snarks.

“Who is she?” Tess asks, curiosity written on her face.

“To you? She’s cargo,” Marlene snaps back. Is it just me or is the blood loss making her bitchier? Nic thinks to herself.

“We don’t smuggle people. Sorry,” Joel says and the tensions in the room keep growing. It makes Nic antsy again.

“I can do it,” Kim says again and this is Marlene’s last straw.

“Kim, you don’t have a fuckin’ ear on your fuckin’ head. Could you please?” Marlene takes a breath before going back to pleading with Joel. “There’s a team of Fireflies waiting for her at the old State House.” Joel scoffs at the location. “I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that very reason. But now I don’t have a truck, I don’t have a squadron, FEDRA’s five minutes away. What I do have is you. And I know what you’re all capable of. For better or worse.”

“What are they capable of?” Ellie asks, and as she looks at each of them. When she looks at Nic they catch each other's eyes. They just stare at each other for a moment.

“You get her there safely, and they’ll give you what you need. Not just a battery. The whole thing. Fueled-up truck, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear. I swear.”

Joel looks from Nic to Tess, silently telling them to back up and discuss this. Then he looks at Ellie and kicks the knife back, away from her.

“Asshole!” Ellie shouts at him. As Nic walks back, gun still pointed towards the ground, she crouches and picks up Ellie’s blade. Nic glances towards the girl again who glares at her furiously.

“You trust her?” Tess asks, Joel shakes his head at her. Nic does the same but keeps her eyes on the people down the hall. “No, me neither, but she seems desperate.”

“Firefly vehicle usually means repurposed FEDRA stuff. So better-than-decent chance makin’ it to Tommy in one of those. The second we hand that kid over…” Joel’s thoughts are cut off by Marlene.

“Y’all talk it through, but please remember that I’m bleeding out.”

Tess holds Joel’s gaze and then Nic’s. She tilts her head up slightly. She doesn’t have any issues with taking the girl as long as she can hold her own, which, if she’s from the FEDRA school, won't be in too bad a shape.

“Okay.” Tess turns quickly to address the Fireflies. “Here’s the deal. We’ll get her to your crew at the State House. But before we hand her over, they give us everything that we want. If not, we kill her, there and then.”

“Deal.” Marlene agrees without hesitation.

“Really? That fast?” Ellie asks in disbelief, the betrayal she feels must sting.

“You are all that matters. My team will not jeopardize that. Remember what I told you? Now go get your backpack.” Marlene adjusts the grip she has on her bullet wound. The girl just stares at her for a moment. “Now, Ellie.” She stomps off into the room they had run out of, Nic watches her. Everyone’s sizing each other up but Nic keeps her eyes on the girl.

“Let’s go.” Tess says as she starts walking back down the hallway. Ellie stands there for a long time, just watching Marlene before turning and following Tess. She shoulder-checks Joel and stops in front of Nic.

“Can I have it back?” Nic stands there staring for a moment before reaching her hand into her back pocket. Ellie takes the knife out of Nic’s grip before she can even try and hand it to her. The girl storms off and Nic follows her, gun finally put away. Ellie’s brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail that swishes when she walks.

“Joel…” Nic stops as she rounds the corner, hearing Marlene’s voice. “Don’t fuck this up. Please.”

Fuck her, Nic thinks and starts again to follow Tess and Ellie.

The walk back is silent through the tunnels all except for the sound of their wet footsteps. Ellie doesn’t look comfortable for obvious reasons and that piece of information seems to be unsettling for Nic. When they get outside it’s raining harder than when they had left. Tess, Joel, and Nic are unbothered but Ellie keeps covering her head with her hood.

As Joel opens the door to the building, Nic breathes in the last few drops of rain. She closes her eyes, tilts her head up, and takes a deep breath. The sensation of the water hitting her face is perfectly stimulating and she soaks it all in before breaking herself out of that peaceful state and walking inside. Joel and Ellie trail behind her.

The adults’ boots squelch with each step on the wooden floor, and Ellie’s canvas shoes are soaked through and through. Nic thinks that they could be the same size and she might have an extra pair of shoes that might be more weather-appropriate. The hall is dark and crowded with the four of them until Tess opens the door and lets Ellie in. She looks around their apartment in curiosity.

“Give us a minute, all right?” Tess says as she closes the door in the girl’s face.

“What the fuck?!” The slam of the door cuts Ellie off.

“So, what’s the plan?” Joel asks. Nic crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the opposite wall. She shifts her weight and relaxes when she feels the instant relief on her leg.

Tess sighs, looking up as if to look into her head for ideas. “There’s not a lot of options. There’s the short way or the long way. The short way is pretty much…” She trails off. On one of their last jobs, the short way had ended up packed with FEDRA and infected leaving for a very difficult trip.

“That leaves the long way,” Joel says.

“Things look bad, we’ll come up with something.”

“We’ll have to drop, head to Bill and Frank’s. Stock up on anything we may need.”

“We leave after dark.” Tess stops, turns to the two of them and says, “Stay with the kid.” and walks off down the hall. Nic wants to protest but wherever Tess is going involves more walking and that is something she is not ready for quite yet. They have a lot of traveling ahead of them and Nic would like to get as much rest off her feet as possible.

“Tess you know I can’t-” Joel tries to argue but the woman is already turning the corner and won’t hear any more from them. Joel sighs and turns to look at Nic. He opens his mouth a few times, trying to ask her something but not seeming to find the right combination of words.

“I’m good. You?” Nic asks quietly and surprisingly her voice isn’t weak. She’s confident in her words, even if they aren’t very loud. Joel seems to be thankful for her making the first move and he nods to her once before opening the door.

Ellie is holding the Greatest Hits book that Nic remembers Joel had thrown Bill and Frank’s code into. Nic might not know Ellie very well but she can’t imagine that the kid is so oblivious that the “code” goes unnoticed. Joel walks past Ellie like she wasn’t even there. He throws himself down next to the couch and sits down.

“So, who’s Bill and Frank?” Ellie asks and when no one responds she looks towards the radio sitting on a little shelf between two chairs. “The radio’s a smuggling code, right? ’60s songs, they don’t have anything new, ’70s, they got new stuff. What’s ’80s?” Joel gets up, slams the book shut, and throws it on the table. Ellie shrugs her arms up in surrender. Nic rolls her eyes at his dramatics. She moves to one of the chairs next to the radio and throws her backpack on the floor next to it. There is a makeshift ottoman that she throws her bad leg up on and Nic leans forward to massage the sore muscles around her knee.

Joel sits himself back on the couch, this time lying all the way out.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks angrily.

“Killin’ time.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure that out.”

Ellie just stares at him for a minute before dramatically picking up the book. She moves to the chair on the other side of the radio and when she passes Joel she says, “Your watch is broken.” Nic pays attention to Ellie. Watches how she flips through the book, stopping when a song or a photo catches her interest.

It’s not often that Nic interacts with a kid anymore, especially one that isn’t trying to mug her, and it’s interesting. Ellie seems to feel the woman watching her and looks up. She has this snark to her expression and her voice when she asks, “What do you want?”

Nic doesn’t know what to say and instead furrows her brows. It’s her home, Joel’s right there (even if he is asleep) and Ellie’s just a kid. There’s no reason for her to stay quiet. At least that’s what she tells herself. Nic must’ve been silent for too long because Ellie scoffs at her and goes back to reading. Not being able to just sit there, Nic gets up and moves to the kitchen.

Though so much changed because of cordyceps, cooking remained relatively the same. It’s a distraction. The sizzling and the chopping create a beat and rhythm that has Nic humming a tune to herself. She shifts side to side, moving her hips to the imaginary song. Cooking always managed to do this for her, break her away from life, and create a world of her own. Even before the real world went to shit.

Toasted grilled cheese.

A lucky commodity by any means. The cheese was gold in the Boston QZ and bread was…monitored, to say the least. This grilled cheese is equivalent to a whole steak and lobster meal in the old days. She had been saving this for a special occasion and well, you never know what’ll happen out there so it's best to eat this as if it were a last meal.

Time passed by quickly and Nic now stands with six grilled cheeses; two on plates, four in bags for the road.

She takes the plates and moves towards Ellie.

The kid looks up at her and glances between Nic and the plate. Nic can’t process the kid’s reaction and practically throws the plate at her. “Grilled cheese.” Nic’s voice is quiet and she almost thinks Ellie didn’t hear her. She sits, trying to avoid the awkwardness of having to repeat herself.

Ellie just stares down the sandwich before looking up to ask. “Why don’t you talk?”

Nic, who was mid-bite into the grilled cheese, is startled by the bluntness of the question. She swallows, wipes the grease and crumbs from her lips with the back of her hand, and sets the sandwich down before attempting to answer.

“Just happens.”

Ellie thinks about this for a moment before shrugging and attacking her grilled cheese. They are in mostly silence, devouring the sandwiches in minutes. They sit there, slightly out of breath just from the speed at which they eat and Nic can’t help but laugh softly. It’s been so long since she was able to sit down and eat a meal with someone, a good meal that leaves you breathless. Ellie looks over at her, confused for a moment before giggling slightly.

It’s awkward at first, simply because they don’t know each other. But eventually, the embarrassment melted away like grilled cheese. Both of them have to cover their mouths to not wake up Joel. The thought of her husband sobers Nic up quickly and she’s up putting the plates away. By the time she’s done rinsing, drying, and storing the dishes, Ellie is back to reading through the book. Nic sits again, resting her achy knee and before she can think twice about it, she’s closing her eyes.

“Something like that.” Ellie’s voice wakes up Nic who jumps slightly and groans at the new creak in her neck. Joel is sitting with one arm thrown over the back of the sofa, she takes this as an invite to sit next to him. He doesn’t protest and even goes as far as to drop his hand down on her shoulder.

Ellie has the side of her head resting against her closed fist as she leans against the window. She looks back out at the view of the alley before perking up as if she remembered something and needed to tell them. “Oh, the radio came on when you two were sleeping.”

Nic sits up with Joel, his hand leaving her shoulder. “What? What was the song?”

“He kept sayin’, like, like, “Wake me up before you go-go”?”

Nic looks at Joel who mumbles, “Shit.”

She glances at Ellie again before addressing Joel. “You don’t think Frank…”

“Gotcha.” When Nic looks up at Ellie, the kid has a smirk on her face. “’80s means trouble. Code broken.” She whispers the last sentence. The older woman can’t help but be amused, even if her heart rate had just skyrocketed. It wasn’t a difficult code persay. There was a red “X” next to the 80's and Nic doubts that FEDRA school is that bad.

“Listen…” Joel stands up but whatever lecture he had stored up is cut off by the front door. Tess comes storming in, she looks tired and her everlasting shiner doesn’t help. Nic can’t imagine they’re making good first impressions with Ellie.

“The spot under Lancaster looks good,” Tess says, she eyes Nic and Joel, doesn’t assume anything but notes how close they are before settling a silent debate in her mind, and turning to Ellie. “You got a jacket in your pack?”

“Yeah,” Ellie says, her previous spunk gone.

“Okay, get it. It’s time to go.”

Tess hands out go-bags and jackets that are always ready, they silently prepare to leave. It had been a long time since Nic had gone on a run and she wasn’t sure her body could handle it anymore but she wouldn’t let Joel and Tess go alone. She couldn’t be a coward.

“… mandatory curfew to fight the infection and insurrection. Observe mandatory curfew to fight the infection and insurrection.” The overhead speakers echo through the rainy city as they all sit under the sewer drain, waiting for a moment when sirens and helicopters are far enough away that it’s safe to come out. Ellie’s behind Nic on the ladder (Nic was not very happy about being on a ladder again), and Tess and Joel are in front of her. Once the light of the lookout passes Joel pushes the cap aside and climbs out, helping Nic and Tess up.

“Holy shit,” Ellie says loudly as she stands tall and proud out in the open. “I’m actually outside.” Nic quickly grabs her arm and pulls her down.

“Jesus Christ,” Tess groans as the light just barely misses the girl.

“Oh shit,” Ellie whispers as she crouches closer to Nic.

“Okay, we’re gonna take the left edge around the buffer zone. You stay close and you follow my lead,” Tess instructs, a stern finger-pointing from the kid to herself.

Ellie nods and quietly agrees. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

Joel shakes his head at Ellie, Nic however enjoys how much of a kid she is, it’ll probably cause a shit ton of issues and give Nic a migraine, but it’s refreshing.

“Let’s go.” Tess leads them under the bus through a familiar path. They stay crouched, even once out from under the bus. A vehicle passes and Joel pulls Nic close to him, hiding behind a car. Ellie and Tess are behind their own car, out of sight from the FEDRA truck; the kid holds tight to Tess’ hand. They wait until the only sound is the rumbling of thunder.

Tess pulls Ellie along and Nic follows with Joel as they pass through an old sewer pipe that’s littered with bullet holes and corroding away, probably from the outbreak. The rain hits the old metal tunnel and the unique pattering sound is drowned out by the sound of a helicopter. The searchlight creates shadows that dance across the inner walls. Ellie grabs Nic’s hand out of reflex. Once Tess deems it safe, they all follow her out of the pipe.

Ellie lets go of Nic’s hand but stays close as they keep moving. They keep their heads down to avoid getting rain in their eyes and hope that if they can’t see anyone, no one will see them. It thunders as they round the corner of the QZ walls and the mix of sound and light distracts them from seeing the FEDRA officer.

“Hey, hey! Don’t, don’t, don’t move,” he fumbles to zip up his pants, Nic winces in disgust. They try to run but it’s no use as the officer points his gun in their faces, their hands go up in surrender. “Don’t move!” Nic moves next to Joel. Nic shuts her eyes and puts her hands up

He takes one hand off his gun to lift his fogged-up visor, Nic recognizes him as Lee, the dirty cop from some of the drug runs Joel and her used to do. “You gotta be shittin’ me.”

Nic looks back and forth between her loved ones and the man holding the gun. She can’t lose Joel.

“Okay, let’s talk this out,” Joel says, trying to take a step forward. Nic tenses.

“Turn around,” Lee says, violence in his voice as he turns on the light of his gun, blinding them.

“Hold on…” Joel takes another step.

“Get on your fuckin’ knees. Get on your fuckin’ knees!”

“Now hold on…”

“What did I fuckin’ tell you, man? I said stay the fuck home. Get on your knees!” Nic looks at Joel, wondering why Lee was saying what he was saying. Wondering if Joel knew that this whole mission was fucked from the beginning. She hopes he can feel her gaze through the back of his head.

“Just get on your knees, just get on your knees,” Tess tells them and Nic doesn’t need any more convincing. She turns around, glad to be rid of the light shining in her eyes. Running on autopilot her hands go to the back of her head. “Listen,” Tess continues, addressing the officer. “You let us do this run… we’ll split the cards with you.”

“Oh, will you?” He asks, sarcastically. Nic can hear his footsteps getting closer.

“Yeah,” Tess says, likely ignoring the gibe.

“I’m so blessed. Hands on your head. Eyes forward. Hands on your head!” The officer takes a step forward and Nic has to put in effort to control her breathing at his proximity. He takes out an infection indicator and puts it on Tess’ neck.

“Really, man?” She asks in disbelief.

“Yep. We’re doin’ this by the book.” It was ridiculous that now all of a sudden he wants to be the paper boy of a FEDRA agent. Ellie tenses up beside Nic when she hears the tester go off.

“Jesus Christ.” The machine zaps and a green light shines out of the corner of Nic’s eye. “All right. What about three-quarters?” Tess bargains as Lee moves towards Joel.

“Unauthorized exit. They’ll hang you for that.” Lee wants nothing to do with Tess’ offer.

“Fine. Everythin’ off of this run, and half off on all of the pills.” Joel’s voice is loud and gruff, the only two people in the world who really understand Joel, know that there is anxiety in what he’s saying. Ellie quickly reaches into her pocket for something that Nic can’t catch a glance at.

“Half off?” Lee scoffs as the scanner beeps again. Green light.

“All off.” He harshly moves Nic’s hair from her neck and suddenly her anxiety and fear turn into a cold rage. “Risk my job for half off.” Green.

Lee moves towards Ellie, and the scanner zaps. “Outta your fuckin’ mind…” The kid screams and suddenly there’s her knife sticking out from Lee’s thigh.

“Ellie, Ellie!” Nic shouts. When she catches a glance at her face, there’s anger but she looks scared.

“Ellie, what the…” Nic jumps and holds her within half a second. She is checking her over, making sure Ellie isn’t injured. It’s all survival instinct. Once making sure she was fine, Nic looks over to Joel and Lee. Panic sets in next.

“Fuckin’ bitch!” Lee groans. “Fuck!” He pulls the switch out of his leg. “Get out of the fuckin’ way!” He’s pointing the gun at Ellie, even though Joel and Nic stand before her.

“Whoa, whoa!” Joel has his hands up, he quickly looks over at Nic and Ellie before turning back to Lee. “We can fix this.”

“Move.” No one moves, they hardly breathe. “Move.”

Lee takes a step forward and it triggers something in Joel. He shouts and has Lee on the ground faster than Nic can think. Lee never stood a chance. Once Joel has him in a good position, nothing stops the blows. One after another he’s beating him, grunting with every throw. Ellie steps out, watching Joel. Nic can’t help but glance between the two. The almost admiration that the kid holds in her eyes and expression as she watches Joel beat Lee to death. He slows, breathing heavily, and coming back from that dark part of his mind that Nic knows comes from self-preservation. Forgetting to distance yourself while killing has irreversible repercussions.

Joel looks up at Ellie, then at Nic, he doesn’t know what to say until movement catches all their attention. Tess grabs the scanner and a red light shines in her face.

“No, no! No, I’m not sick!” Ellie argues instantly. Nic can’t help but take a few steps back, Ellie looks hurt by the gesture.

“Joel!” Tess yells, showing him the scanner. “Joel, Nic!” He stands, grabbing onto Nic, and pulling her back.

“I am not sick! I’m not sick!” Ellie steps towards Tess and rolls up her sleeve. Tess grabs her arm to look at something that Nic can’t quite catch a glance at. “Look! Look! This is three weeks old. Nobody lasts more than a day! Does this look a day old to you?! You would’ve killed me!”

“I should fucking kill you! When did it happen?” Nic can’t watch anymore and turns to Joel. He’s glancing between Ellie, Nic, and the dead body. He looks confused like his mind is still catching up to what’s happened. Nic reaches out to grab his hand, examining the splits in his knuckles.

“It doesn’t matter! You have to trust me! They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run!” Ellie’s shouts are drowned out by sirens getting closer and closer.

Tess grabs the kid’s shoulders and addresses the other adults. “Joel, we gotta move. We gotta move, Nic!” She’s pushing Ellie towards the fence and Nic tries to follow but Joel isn’t with her. He pauses for a moment, looking at her before bending down to pick up Lee’s gun. He clicks off the light and grabs Nic’s arm, pulling her along.

By the time they make it to the fence, Tess and Ellie have already crawled through.

“Joel!” Tess shouts as she and Ellie start running.

Nic prepares herself for not only this run but the whole journey in front of them. Joel climbs through first, then moves to help Nic up. She watches him, looking him in the eyes for a moment before grabbing his hand.

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

Someone at my Side

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

Someone at my Side

Chapter 2: Chapter Too

Joel Miller x Original Female Character

Summary: Nic wakes up to a nightmare.

Warnings: violence, death, injury, cursing

NOT PROOF READ

When Nic wakes up, it isn’t to the sounds of the alarm clock, or Joel’s snoring, but to the whole bed frame shaking and Sarah’s shouts.

“Dad?! Nic!”

Nic jumps out of bed, literally, and is holding her daughter within half a second. She is checking her over, making sure Sarah isn’t injured. It’s all survival instinct. Once making sure she was fine, Nic starts to move about the house. Panic sets in next. Questions of What the hell is going on, and other assortments of concern are passing through Nic’s thoughts so fast she can’t keep track of them all. Instantly she knows Joel isn’t there because if he was, first, he would have answered Sarah, and second, Nic woke up in bed alone and she hasn’t slept alone since she moved in. The house shakes again as Nic makes it to the living room to turn on the TV. The channel that was last on is static and when Nic switches the channel, There’s an unmoving screen with a warning.

“…indoors. Law enforcement and emergency services are in the area and will be in contact with further instructions. Stay indoors, law enforcement…” Scratching on the sliding glass door and barking startles Sarah and Nic but when they turn, it’s just Mercy, the neighbor’s dog. Sighing and opening the door for the dog, Nic rubs whatever sleep remains on her face.

“Shh, shh… Easy. Easy, Mercy. What’re you doing out here, boy?” Sarah coos at the dog who whimpers. Sarah looks at Nic, silently asking to take the dog home, and Nic nods, exhausted, the gesture makes her neck ache. Joel must have laid her down wrong and she was asleep for a good three hours.

“C’mon, let’s get you home” When Nic opens the front door, the pure emptiness of the street is frightening and the distant sirens are ominous.

“C’mon, Mercy.” Sarah is holding the dog by the collar, Nic trailing behind them exhaustively. While she was freaking out, she was also dead tired. The dog, seeing how close they were to the Adler's house, starts whimpering and backing, pulling back against Sarah’s pleas. “Please. Mercy!”

The dog slips through his collar and bolts in the opposite direction. He’s too far too fast to reach and Nic is too slow to catch him as he rushes off. She sighs and takes a deep breath, knowing that she has to go run after this damn dog now, but the creek of the Adller’s front door catches her attention.

That explains why the dog got out, Nic says to herself. She steps forward, leading Sarah through the front door. The house is dead and the lights are out.

“Mrs. Adler? Mrs. Adler?” Nic calls out but is met with nothing.

“Mrs. Adler?” The tremor in Sarah’s voice has Nic reaching back to take the girl's hand. She pushes through the kitchen doors and tenses when her foot slips. A large streak of blood, only disrupted by Nic’s footsteps, drags across the floor to where Mr. Adler is laying. There’s blood everywhere and the only thing Nic can think to do is to hold Sarah tightly. It’s difficult to understand how someone so thin and old could have so much but there is so much blood.

“Help me,” Mr. Adler, chokes out. Nic is about to move to do something, anything but stops when she sees movement at the corner of her eye. Nana Adler, the mute old woman who could hardly feed herself, is crouched over her daughter and looks to be biting her bloody neck. Nic can only pause for a moment before she’s pushing Sarah out of the way, hoping she can prevent the girl from seeing this horrible site. The old woman looks up and something is coming out of her mouth that looks like roots. It’s disturbing and confusing. She makes this horrible choking noise that has Nic turning and running out of the door, pushing Sarah in front of her.

Nana Adler is screaming and it’s guttural and sends shivers down the girls’ spines as Sarah and Nic rush out the front door almost tripping on the lawn. They reach the street and Nic pulls Sarah behind her as the headlights of a truck blind them.

There’s a crack, and when Nic glances behind her, she sees the old woman fallen to the floor, unmoving. Nic pulls Sarah in tighter.

“Get in the truck! Right now! Move!” It's Joel, and a part of Nic sighs in relief just at his mere presence; he's holding a wrench and looks panicked. Tommy is holding a sniper which is terrifying in itself. A snarl from behind catches attention.

Nana jerks up and starts rushing at them. Nic starts to push Sarah towards the truck as Nana gets closer and closer. Fear builds up in Nic’s throat, choking her but not enough to make her lose her senses to keep trying to move Sarah into the truck.

“What are we doin’, Joel?” Tommy shouts as he hesitantly lifts the sniper towards the rabid woman.

Mrs. Adler is practically right in front of Joel when he swings, the end of his wrench smashing into her head. She falls.

Nic freezes at the scene, aware that Sarah has seen this whole thing.

“You killed her,” the girl mumbles, and Joel drops his wrench and moves toward them. He hardly seems fazed. Nic has to force herself to look him in the eye, to take her attention away from the dead woman.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he says, taking his daughter by the shoulders, and hugging her, making sure to include Nic in the embrace. Both of them shaking.

“Joel, we gotta go.” Tommy’s voice is a whisper in Nic’s mind. It isn’t even that she’s thinking too much, but that she can’t think of anything. Somewhere between Ice cream and movies now, something went wrong in the world. She misstepped and now can’t catch up.

Joel takes a step back. “Sarah, Nic, listen to me. It’s not just the Adlers. But we’re gonna be brave, and we’re gonna get outta this.” the light post across the street explodes. Nic doesn’t flinch.

“Hey. Let’s go. Come on.” Tommy is already climbing in the truck as Joel gently ushered both women towards the back seat.

“Get in.”

Nic a silent as she climbs in after Sarah, not having enough energy to make herself speak, but also having so much adrenaline that it’s hard for her to sit still and buckle both of them in, her hands are shaking.

“Joel?” It's Denise from across the street she’s shouting. Denise always brought chicken noodle soup for when Sarah, Joel, or any of them got sick. She was a great neighbor.

“Denise, you get back inside the house! You lock your doors! Now!” When Nic can think coherent thoughts, she considered that she would be a horrible parent. In this stressful situation, which is only real in dystopian novels, she can’t help it freeze, Sarah saw Mrs. Adler’s death and the bodies, that was Nic’s fault. She should have had Sarah wait outside. In a crisis, Nic is useless, Joel however is strong, and beautiful. He’s taking control and protecting those around him.

“C’mon, c’mon, get in.”

“Get your seatbelt on,” Joel says uselessly. It feels like they’ve been in their seatbelts all night. The car races off in screeches. When the truck turns around, the Adlers start to walk out of their house as if they hadn’t just been murdered by their wife and mother. Their bodies jerked and moved in unnatural ways, especially for their older generation. As Tommy drove past, Nic saw the haunted looks on the family’s faces, faces that Nic saw every morning when she said bye to Joel and Sarah.

It’s a long time where Nic doesn’t know what’s happening and doesn’t hear or see or feel anything; Joel and Tommy bicker back and forth but it's not until Sarah speaks that Nic is brought back to this twisted reality.

“Daddy…”

“We don’t know.” Joel's answer is fast like he knew the question was coming. It kickstarts Nic’s brain and now the questions are flooding in. How long have you known what was happening? How long had he been gone out of the house? Where had he been?

“They’re saying it’s a virus. Some kind of parasite,” Tommy’s voice is nervous, but his hands are steady on the wheel. His knuckles are bloody.

“Is it from terrorists?”

“We don’t know.”

“Are we sick?” Nic is glad that Sarah is asking questions because if she wasn’t, everyone in the car would be panicking, their minds racing with endless dreadful possibilities. At least that’s what would have been happening with Nic.

“No. Of course not.” Joel’s answer is just for comfort. There is no evidence that he is right. The radio is static when Tommy turns it on.

“Why did things blow up?” Sarah‘s question goes on answered.

“No cellphone, no radio. Minute ago, newsman wouldn’t shut up.”

“How do you know?”

“What?”

“How do you know we’re not sick?” Nic thinks about the question, considers how she would answer. There is nothing to prove that they are okay, that they are safe.

“They’re saying it’s mostly people in the city. That’s why they got the highway blocked off.” The car speeds by an old ranch house that is blazing with fire. “God. It’s Jimmy’s place.”

Nic wonders who Jimmy is.

“The Adlers would take Nana into the city. To the hospital for stuff.”

“That’s right. They would. That’s probably why,” Joel says, but something in his words is not reassuring.

“But… you’d have to go a lot… right?” It was just a few hours ago that Sarah and Nic were in the city themselves. Maybe they were exposed, what if they’re next? If they are, it’d be Nic’s fault for driving Sarah into the city. She should have paid more attention to the news. She should have known.

“We’re fine. Trust me.”

Up ahead on the seemingly empty road, shouts can be heard and there’s a truck pulled over to the side, a family stands there waving at them trying to hitchhike; trying to find solitude.

“Here! Right here!” Tommy pushes on the brakes.

“Hey! What are you doin’?” Joel asks, giving his brother a hard look.

“Got a kid, Joel.” They’re closer now and when Nic looks out the window her chest hurts as she catches sight of the young family, but the longer she stares, the more she thinks of Sarah and Joel. They need to help themselves first before they can help anyone else.

“So do we. Keep driving.” There’s a viciousness to Joel’s tone that makes Nic shiver.

“We could put them in the back,” Sarah says. They don’t stop.

“Somebody else’ll come along,” Joel reasons. When Tommy takes the exit, there’s the overwhelming noise of thousands of cars honking and angry shouts from the entire highway, which is filled with vehicles. People trying to get away. People running.

“Fuck! Everybody had the same fuckin’ idea. I can’t get through this,” Tommy shouts, freaking out, and banging his hands on the wheel.

“All right, all right. Let’s think it through, we’ll think it through.” Nic wondered how Joel is so calm. “All right, take the field. We cut across and we pick up on the, on the west side.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. West, west, all right. All right, hang on,” Tommy repeats himself. Nic is holding onto Sarah as the car takes a sharp right and speeds off into the field. The quick movements of the truck make Nic’s heart race. Sarah’s arms are tightly wrapped around Nic’s stomach. Joel takes a glance back and Nic can tell that his heart breaks at what a sight they must be. Up ahead there are car lights, lots of them.

“Shit! Fuckin’ army,” Tommy curses and Nic sighs. They just can’t catch a break right now. Within the last 45 minutes, the neighbor’s dog ran away, the neighbors died, and then the neighbors tried to eat her family. Now they’re running away and there is nowhere to go.

“Isn’t that good?” Sarah asks, barely loud enough for Tommy to hear.

“It’s good for them, but that’s the highway we’re tryin’ to get to.” He’s right. It’s a whole blockade of army trucks, blocking their path. Fear seems to choke Nic, it’s hard to breathe, it’s hard to move. The only reason Nic knows any of this is real is Sarah’s shaking figure and Joel’s voice of reason.

“Maybe it’s everywhere,” Sarah says, turning to Nic with tears lining her eyes. “Maybe there’s nowhere to go.” Without anything to say, Nic just shakes her head and holds Sarah. A loud rumbling of an engine and flashing lights flood the car and when she looks up through the moonroof, Nic sees a commercial airline plane flying overhead. It leaves her ears ringing.

Tommy is swerving all over the road, making quick movements to avoid the manic crowd.

“All right, keep goin’, keep goin’,” Joel says encouragingly. They zoom through a stop sign and Nic looks over to see the bright lights of a truck. “Shit. Tommy!” Joel yanks the wheel towards himself. Tommy is frozen when the truck honks but they can’t stop. They have to keep moving. Turning into what looks like downtown, there is a movie theater that is exploding with people. The car slows with the crowds.

“Tommy, you can’t stop here.”

“I can’t drive through ’em all.”

“Are you serious?! Just keep goin’!”

The people coming out of the theater are no longer running but limping and groaning. Infected.

“Back, back, back, back,!” Joel shouts repeatedly and Nic ducks her head, hoping that Tommy can see better. Sarah is still holding onto her which makes it harder to move but Nic doesn’t mind.

“I’m trying!

“Tommy, go faster! We gotta go!”

“I’m tryin’! There’s nowhere to fuckin’ go!”

“We’re gonna be okay. Just keep drivin’.”

Up ahead, the crowds are moving in closer and it’s hard to tell who’s sick and who isn’t, who’s bleeding out, and who is eating people’s throats. Not wanting to see anymore, Nic turns around and peaks out the rear window, only to find the sight the same as the front. A light catches her eye and when she squints, Nic notices it at the same time as Sarah.

“Dad?!” Sarah says and when Joel turns, he sees the plane coming at them and starts to panic, they can outrun people and monsters, but there is not one chance they’ll beat this.

“Holy shit!” Tommy curses, seeing what everyone else sees

“Move… move!” Joel shouts and the explosion from the flame is instant, bright, and hot.

Something comes flying at the truck and it’s all Nic can do to cover Sarah’s head before the truck goes flying and the world turns dark.

“Sarah… Nic. Stay right there…You look at me… okay? I’m sorry, baby... I got you. I got… Mm-mm.” There are segments of conversations in Nic’s mind before she realizes she’s upside down and there is a horrible pain in her head and arm. She feels arms wrap under her shoulders and pull her out of the truck.

“Nic, Nic!” It’s Joel. Nic smiles to herself, I love Joel, she thinks to herself. “Nic, c’mon.” Her smile drops when a hand slaps against her cheek and she groans.

“Nic c’mon. You gotta wake up now.” Joel’s tone of voice suggests that something is wrong so Nic opens her eyes, her brows furrowed with confusion. She sees in her peripheral the fire from the truck and at that moment realizes that her arm is excruciatingly hot.

“Ow,” Nic mumbles as she looks down. Her whole sleeve is burnt off and the skin underneath looks like barbeque. “Shit.”

“Can you stand?” Joel asks. There are tears in his eyes but she knows they won’t fall. She nods and with his help, get’s to her feet. It takes a while for her balance to fix itself. Must have hit my head, she thinks. Better me than Sarah.

“We gotta get off the street!” Tommy shouts from the other side of the truck. A siren grows louder and louder and it makes Nic’s head wholly throb. ”Shit!” He curses and the cop car crashes straight into where Tommy was standing.

“Tommy?! Tommy?! Tommy!” And Nic wants to tell Joel to shut up and stop yelling because her ears are still ringing, but she doesn’t and instead moves over to Sarah.

“Are you okay?” Nic asks and Sarah nods but winces when she puts weight on her ankle. Nic curses herself. Her only job was to protect her and now she can’t even stand normally. Joel walks over to them and Nic sees Tommy walk off in a different direction.

“We can’t leave him,” Sarah says but Joel won’t have any of it.

“He’ll be fine. Can you run?” Joel asks Sarah who immediately shakes his head. He looks to Nic who, instead of answering, jumps on either foot, keeping her adrenaline up because when those chemicals drop, she is going to be in a world of pain.

“You keep your eyes on me,” Joel tells Sarah as he lifts her off the ground. Nic looks around at the alley and she isn’t sure if it’s because of the concussion or because she doesn’t go exploring the city but she has absolutely no idea where they are.

“Okay,” Sarah winces and nods.

“Okay?” The silence is the only indicator that Joel was talking to Nic and when she turns, Joel and Sarah have the same look of concern. Nic nods and her head responds with a throb.

“Okay.” Joel’s attention is back on his daughter. “And don’t look anywhere else. Alright.”

And then they’re moving. As fast as possible down this dark, wet alley. There’s something sticky on the floor that makes Nic’s shoes squeak. It smells horrid as they pass a dumpster fire.

There’s an open area that leads into other mazes of alleys and back doors of shops nearby. It seems like a safe space until they step in further and see the piles of bodies. Joel freezes behind Nic. It’s hard to tell who’s dead and who’s sick.

A man who is on top of several other bodies jerks his head up, catching his attention on his possible next victims. Too slowly. Nic walks back and only moves her gaze to the open door behind them once before running, hoping to any higher power that Joel and Sarah are somewhere close behind.

When running inside the building, Nic vaguely registers in the back of her mind that this is an old diner she used to work at. The information helps her lead Joel quickly out through the front. Behind, she hears crashing and shrieking coming from Sarah and the man, if he was still considered that.No matter how much she wants to turn around, Nic runs out the front door.

Based on sound alone, she knows that the thing that used to be a person is close, so close, and she is about to look over her shoulder when a gunshot sounds, and Sarah shrieks.

Quickly turning around, Nic moves next to Joel. It’s the first thing she does and then she looks at the dead man on the floor, his head an unnatural shape, even before it was blown open.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re safe,” Joel hushes Sarah who is shaking in his arms. Nic’s arm gives a dull throb and she hopes her adrenaline will keep up. Her heart rate sure is.

An army soldier approaches with his gun held high, shining a light in their eyes.

“Don’t move!” He shouts out of pure instinct and fear. Nic shuts her eyes and put’s her hands up.

“My daughter’s hurt. Her ankle.” Joel tries to take a step forward.“Stop right there!” The soldier screams at them and Nic shakes. Joel stops.

“Okay. Easy now. We’re not sick!” He looks at Nic who is still shivering with her eyes closed. “My, my wife her, her arm’s been burned. We just need a doctor.”

Slowly dropping the gun, the soldier moves to his radio. “I got three civilians by the river, two of ’em injured.” The radio beeps. “Ankle and arm.”

“What about Uncle Tommy?” Sarah asks her dad and Nic finally opens her eyes and looks over at the girl.

“We’re gonna get you somewhere safe first. Then we’ll go back for him, okay? Okay,” Joel says, keeping his gaze on the soldier.

“Okay.” Sarah nods to her dead. Nic shakily whispers, “Okay.”

“I’m sorry, repeat?” The radio beeps again and the soldier listens attentively to his superior.

Joel adjusts his grip and the gesture catches the army man’s attention. “Hey! No one told you to move.”

“Yes, sir.” The soldier pauses. “Yes, sir.” The radio beeps off and the soldier’s voice is solemn. He raises his gun again.

“We’re not sick. Sir…” Joel trails off and Nic looks back and forth between her loved ones and the man holding the gun. “We are not sick!”

Nic, without wasting a breath, grabs Joel’s upper arm and throws all three of them back, Nic doing her best to push them behind her. Sarah and Joel scream as the shots go off and they all go tumbling down the small hill. The grass on the hill does nothing to help the pain they all feel as they roll across the field. When Nic stops rolling she tries to stand but her vision spins and her head is in unbelievable pain. She falls back on her face and groans.

Farther away she hears footsteps. Having little strength, she pushes up slightly and see’s the soldier approaching Joel. She cries out but the sound is weak and she can’t move. She can’t lose Joel.

Where’s Sarah? She thinks to herself as the soldier raises his gun.

They exchange words that Nic can’t hear over the residual ringing from the shots. The soldier gets closer and closer and Nic now has tears running down her face. There’s nothing more she can do.

A shot rings through the air. And there is too long a time where Nic truly and wholeheartedly believes that Joel is dead. But the soldier collapses and Tommy comes into her line of sight, the end of his rife smoking.

Tommy sees Nic struggling and moves over.

“Hey, Nicky.” He slings the gun over his shoulder so he can use both hands to help her up. She lets out a sob and a groan as he moves her and she feels something horrible in her knee. “Oh shit.” Tommy curses and when Nic looks down, there’s blood all over her knee and falling down the rest of her left leg.

“Oh, God.” Nic grunts as Tommy throws her good arm over his shoulder and forces her to hobble forward. “C’mon Nicky. You’re alright-”

They notice the sound of harsh, quick breathing.

Joel is rushing towards Sarah whose breath is too short and her body moving too little.

“‘No.” Joel reaches her and Nic tries as much as physically possible to reach them. Joel looks over his daughter’s abdomen before seeming to fall into a trance. He shushes Sarah as he kneels next to her. “Okay… You’re okay. Please, you’re okay. Move your hand, baby. Move your hand.” Joel puts pressure on her stomach and she shouts, winces, cries, and the sound cracks something in Nic, breaking something that was only there for Sarah. “I know, baby, I know, I know, I know it hurts. Alright.”

“Don’t look down, look up, look up. Come on, baby. You’re okay, you’re okay.”

Sarah is gripping his arm, the pain probably the only thing she can think of as she tries to push her dad’s hands off. Nic can’t imagine the amount of suffering she’s in.

“I know this hurts. You’re gonna be okay.” Joel pauses for a moment to think before deciding they can’t stay there. They can’t do nothing.

“All right… baby, baby, baby, listen to me. I gotta get you up, okay? I gotta get you up. All right? You come on.” Joel tries to move her into his arms but she’s already releasing control of her muscles, already losing feeling. She groans as he moves her around, he keeps trying to pick her up but her lack of command for her own body makes it close to impossible.

“You come on. I know, baby. No, no. I know, I know, I know, I know. Tommy, help me!” Joel shouts over his shoulder and Nic can’t help him. He sees that she’s hurt and barely conscious.

“Joel,” Tommy says, tears in his eyes. He has to do more work to hold up Nic now as she is overcome with pain.

“C’mon, baby girl. C’mon, baby girl, I gotta get you up. Come on. Come on, we’ll get up.” Joel gives up on trying to lift Sarah as her eyes stop moving and her body relaxes in his arms. He holds her, wrapping his arms around her tightly, and sobs. “Come on, baby girl. Come on… come… Please.”

This whole night, this whole day is just a lead-up to this moment. No matter what this sickness is, no matter how many people die, nothing compares to these few minutes when Joel holds his daughter. Nic can’t seem to process anything because this couldn’t be happening, this plausibly couldn’t be happening. Sarah isn’t allowed to die yet.

Joel never laughs as much as when Sarah made a joke, he never smiles as much as when Sarah makes breakfast. And in some ways, Nic is the same. How can the little girl who helps make birthday cakes and dinner, who does too much work for her own good and yet still finds a way to be happy, how does the girl who makes Nic a mother’s day card every year die? Why.

At some point, the tears stopped because they started again, and when they did, so did the gravity of what just happened hits. That’s when everything becomes too real, unbearably so. Nic loses consciousness to Joel’s cries and Tommy’s persistent shouts for her to stay awake and keep her eyes open.

It is so much easier with your eyes closed.

Next Chapter

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

Acotar/Azriel Girlies.

Would you read a Secret of the Wings AU Azriel x Reader??? where Reader is from day court and has wings made of light so she can’t go out at night especially to the night court. Blah Blah Blah she has a history with Azriel. Basically secret of the wings (the tinker bell movie 💀) but Acotar?

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

STRAWBERRY FIELDS

🍓master list 🍓

THE LAST OF US

❤️ Joel Miller

- Someone at my Side

❤️ Ellie Williams

- Family Affair

ACOTAR

❤️ Cassian

- History

- Time Works Wonders

❤️ Azriel

- Velaris

- Memories

- Star Light Wings

HARRY POTTER

❤️ Charlie Weasley

- The Walls are thin but they muffle

❤️ Newt Scamander

- Blinkered People (Series) (incomplete)

❤️ Fred Wealsey (Series) (Incomplete)

[writing-in-strawberry-fields]

Someone at my Side

Chapter 1: When you’re lost in the darkness

Joel Miller x Original Female Character

Content: Joel Miller established relationship for a minute. But also they have problems but are also married but not. Lost of angst. Eventually.

Warning: not even close to being done

Nic jumps from sleep with a start. The sheets that have fallen to her ankles are cool and the body next to her is warm. She takes a breath. Something is reassuring about the intimacy of the room. The familiar pattern of the sun on the bed, the cups and bottles on the nightstand, and the cheap alarm clock. Which reminds her why she woke up in the first place.

That stupid piece of shit is bleating, the noises echo in the room. Nic groans into the pillow and throws her arm out, trying to slap Joel awake. It’s not working. And of course, she’s trapped under his leg which weighs a ton in his dead sleep.

“Joel,” She mumbles as she tries to wiggle her way out from under him. “Joel. Get the fucking clock, please.”

It doesn’t seem like he’s awake yet which is frankly astonishing.

The door clocks open.

“Alarm.” It’s Sarah. She must have woken up because of the clock as well.

Nic can’t move to face the kid when she yells. “I would but your fat ass dad has trapped me.” In actuality, the yell was more of a comprehensible mumble. Nic was still half asleep, despite the clock assaulting her ears.

“I can see that,” Sarah laughs. “Alarm!”

That’s the thing about Joel. Even if the world was falling apart around them, he would always hear his daughter’s voice first. In absolutely no way did this upset Nic because if she were honest, she agreed with him. No one tells you that when you fall in love with a single parent, you tend to really love their kids.

Joel jumps up, his leg finally leasing Nic from her prison. He clumsily slaps the top of the clock and the incessant beeping finally quiets. He groans as Sarah laughs and walks out of the room. Nic flips over and watches Joel as he stretches, making some questionable noises, before turning towards her.

In a manner that is just natural for them, Joel slides his hands around her waist and her back, his face burying into the center of her chest. Her hands effortlessly find their way to his hair.

“Good morning, birthday boy,” Nic teases. Joel just lets out a gruff noise, pulling her closer and breathing her in.

“Joel,” She says, a little more awake now and he is a little more asleep. “Joel. We have to get up. Work and life and shit.” He’s unresponsive. “The sooner you get up, the quicker you come home tonight, and we have cake, and after Sarah goes to bed we can have our own little celebration.”

Joel is out of bed faster than anticipated.

He puts a shirt on (inside out but that goes unnoticed by Nic) and some jeans that are wrinkled up in the corner of the floor. Nic doesn’t have to be at work for a while so she just throws on some discarded shorts under one of Joel’s old shirts.

Her first stop on the way out of the room is the coffee pot. She pulls out two mugs and Sarah hands her sugar and milk.

“You are my favorite child,” Nic tells Sarah as she pulls the girl into a hug.

“I’m the only child you know,” Sarah mumbles into the woman's shoulder who just brushes the girl's hair and shushes her. They laugh.

“Where’s the pancake mix?” Sarah asks once Joel is out of the bathroom.

He pauses, thinks, and then sighs. “Oh, was I…” He looks over to Nic who just raises her eyebrows and takes a drink. “Yeah, I was. Sorry.”

Sarah just shakes her head and opens the fridge. It wasn’t empty just yet. They had a minute to gather their savings and get to the grocery store. It was on Nic’s list. It’s just that that was a very lengthy list.

“I was gonna make you birthday pancakes.”

“No,” Nic gasps dramatically as she pulls herself up onto the counter. “Not birthday pancakes.”

Joel shakes his head but forgets his annoyance as Nic passes him his coffee.

“I swear. You know I don’t really like pancakes,” Joel says as he leans next to Nic on the counter. She elbows him, giving him a look that says, “Your daughter is trying to do something nice for you and I am in control of whether or not you have a good night tonight,”

“I know you don’t like them. It was for my benefit.” Sarah’s words make Nic laugh. She lifts her cup in salute to the kid before taking another drink.

Sarah takes the mug out of her dad’s hand and replaces it with a fresh glass of orange juice. He looks at her, confused at the cup switch.

“Vitamin C,” Sarah answers plainly.

“Get me a cup then, kiddo” Nic snorts. Sarah smiles and pulls out another cup for Nic.

“You get your, uh, homework done?” Joel asks and both women turn to him with a look. “Fractions?”

Sarah laughs. It had been a long time since her homework was simply fractions. Nic takes over breakfast prep as Sarah and her dad sit down at the table. She turns off the stove and grabs some plates from the cabinet. She quickly serves up eggs and carries all three plates over to the table.

“How old are you again?” Sarah asks as she starts shoveling eggs into her face.

“Thirty-six,” Joel answers. Nic whistles at him mockingly and glares at her over his mug.

“Gonna have to wear diapers soon,” Sarah jokes. Nic high-fives her for that one.

“Who says I don’t already?” Joel snarks back and Nic can’t help but tip her head back and laugh. I would still love you then, she thought to herself and then immediately gags at how cheesy her thoughts can be. She smiled and glanced at Joel who was already looking at her. He smiles briefly before chewing and stopping. He pulls something out of his mouth.

“Shell,” Joel says glaring at his daughter.

“Calcium,” Sarah mumbles with her mouth full. She smiles, revealing scrambled eggs in her teeth.

“Lovely,” Joel sighs at his kid. The sound of the loud ass garage door opening reminds Nic of the other person who practically lives here. “Is there enough for uncle Tommy?”

“Well, there would have been,” Sarah says and without a second, Joel’s brother is walking through the house.

“Ay! You’re still alive, you old fucker,” Tommy says brightly as he makes his way into the kitchen. His steps are long and it takes Tommy all of five seconds to go breezing past Nic.

“Aw, he loves you,” Sarah jokes, and Nic laughs.

“He’s dependent on me. Not the same,” Joel’s words are directed at his brother who is rummaging through the kitchen mercilessly.

“I think it’s the same,” Sarah mumbles.

“It’s definitely the same,” Tommy says loudly through the kitchen. Joel looks at Nic, expecting a retort from her but she just shakes her head and smiles. “I thought we was havin’ pancakes.” Tommy turns and looks disappointed.

“We’ll pick you somethin’ up on the road,” Joel says as he rolls his eyes, and Nic imagines he can’t believe that everyone was going to have his least favorite breakfast food on his birthday. It makes her laugh. “Concrete guys gonna be there?” Joel asks.

“Yeah, they said maybe.” Tommy opens the fridge and starts rummaging through some leftovers.

“Maybe? We can’t frame until we pour. We’re not gettin’ paid until we frame.” Joel’s voice raises slightly in frustration and also to reach Tommy, whose head is burning within the depths of the fridge.

“Well, we could bring someone else on, get the job done faster.” Tommy sniffs something in tin foil that Nic thinks is fried chicken but whatever it is, must not be too old cause he throws it in the microwave.

“No, no. I’m not splittin’ this job. I barely wanna split it with you. We could work a double.” At that Nic stares at him and stops her eating. She knows Joel can be a workaholic sometimes but he has to know how important his birthday is to Sarah. This is her day to celebrate her dad and he’s taking away a big chunk of it to work.

“Literally? Today?” Sarah asks in disbelief.

“I’m sure you could get off just a little early on your big day, honey. Right?”

“I know. I’d be done by nine. By nine, right?”

“Yeah,” Tommy mutters. He knows as well as everyone sitting at the table that it is extremely unlikely for Joel to get off work that early.

“I’ll bring back a cake. I promise.”

Joel looks from Sarah to Nic but both women have their gaze on the food that is now being pushed around on the plate. It’s one thing for one of them to be mad, but for both of them to be annoyed with Joel was hell on earth. In the new silence, the radio is clear.

“… continued disturbances in Jakarta, but are advising U.S. citizens…”

“Jakarta. Where is that, Middle East?” Joel asks, changing the subject and breaking the uncomfortable quiet.

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Tommy says, staring at the microwave. “It’s a country.”

“Or maybe part of Asia?”

“It’s near Indonesia, no?” Nic asks, the question is aimed at Sarah because she is without a doubt, the smartest person in the house.

“Jakarta isn’t a country. Being a part of Asia isn’t mutually exclusive with being a country, and in fact, it’s the capital of Indonesia,” Sarah smiles at Nic before taking another bite of eggs.

“Shit. Hope for us yet,” Tommy says from the kitchen. At some point, he had acquired a mug of coffee and was nursing that when the microwave went off. When he opened the door, the unmistakable smell of fried chicken hit Nic, who smiled, knowing her guess was right.

“All right. Finish up quick,” Joel says, talking to Sarah. “We’ll drop you off.”

“I’m still eating my eggshells,” Sarah mumbles through her mouthful.

“You got seven minutes.” And Nic hates how she knows Joel won’t make it home by nine and how she knows he won’t buy pancake mix or a cake. Sometimes he aggravates her to no end. But right now, when she looks over at him and he’s just eating his breakfast, his hair’s a mess, and he still looks half asleep, Nic can’t help but swoon. Joel looks over at her and smiles slightly. It seemed so natural for him to remain his grumpy self but he puts the effort in, for her, for Sarah.

Joel stands, takes his plate and Nics when she hands it to him, and moves to throw them in the sink.

“Your t-shirt’s inside out,” Sarah says to her father who takes a moment to stare at his shirt with confusion before cursing. “Shit.”

“He’s losin’ it,” Tommy says as Joel runs out of the kitchen to flip his shirt. Nic smiles.

Hate for them to leave but love to watch them go.

“He’s already lost it, Tom.”

Tommy laughs as he dumps the rest of his coffee into a travel mug before making his way to his truck. Nic moves to the refrigerator where Sarah’s lunch is. Nic puts extra effort to make Sarah lunch at least twice a week. She knows that Sarah is fully capable of doing that on her own but deep down, Nic knows that she appreciates it.

Nic rummages through the junk drawer for a sticky note and pen and when she finds what she needs, runs back to her room.

When she opens the door, Joel is barely putting his shirt back on and Nic is so happy she got to see it. “Wow there. Didn’t know I was getting breakfast and a show.”

Joel gives her a pointed look but it’s all a joke. He tucks his shirt into his jeans and walks over to Nic. She wraps her arms around his neck and smiles, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Happy Birthday to you.”

“Oh no. Please don’t start with the singing.”

Nic laughs and kisses him again, on his cheek. “Happy birthday to you.” The other cheek. “Happy Birthday to Joel.”

She pauses. Staring at him as he gives her this look of admiration. She feels like she’s falling but it doesn’t matter because Joel is holding her.

“Happy Birthday to you.”

She kisses him again and he tastes like coffee. She could spend all day kissing him but they both have work and Sarah needs to get to school. Speaking of school.

“I need you to write your daughter a note for her lunch. Especially since we both know your ass isn’t going to be back by no nine o'clock.”

Joel deflates slightly and takes the stuff from her. He pauses for a moment before scribbling something down. He rips off the top sheet and hands it to her. She smiles and runs out of the room.

Nic is throwing the note into the lunch box and pushing Joel out the door when Tommy honks at them. Sarah isn’t outside so she must still be in her room.

“Sarah!” Joel shouts back towards the house and Nic turns back around and quickly makes her way back upstairs.

“Sarah. Sarah hey-” Nic stops when she sees the girl standing in Joel’s room with a handful of cash and a knife. “Wow, kid. Whatcha doin'?” Nic leans her shoulder against the doorway and just watches.

Sarah jumps around. “I was…” Nic raises an eyebrow. “I was going to fix dad’s old watch but I needed the money.” And Nic believes her. She has no reason to think Sarah is up to anything suspicious, even if the knife was questionable. Nic trusts her.

“Well common then, I’ll drive you after school so you don’t have to go walking around the city alone.” Sarah smiles and nods. Outside, Tommy honks the horn again.

Closing the door to the house, Nic sees Joel walking out of the garage carrying some tools to throw into the bed of the truck.

“Hey, neighbor!” There is an old couple next door that is always outside in the morning when Joel, Sarah, and Tommy leave for work and school. The man, Mr. Adler, is slightly clueless, and his wife… Well, Nic has seen The Visit one too many times to feel comfortable around the silent old woman.

“Oh, hi,” Sarah says uncomfortably as she moves closer to the truck. Nic throws an arm around the girl’s shoulders for support. Nic sighs, knowing that no matter how long this conversion is going to be, it’s going to feel like an eternity.

“Uh, Connie was askin’ after you, since you haven’t been over in a while,” Mr. Adler says and his voice sounds as old as he is.

“Make ’em happy,” Joel mutters as he walks back into the garage.

“I could come by after school, but just for, like, a little bit?” Sarah says and Nic laughs at how unbearable this conversation is going to be.

“Oh, she’ll take whatcha got. Y’all can bake, whatever. Speakin’ of…” The man reaches back and grabs a plate of some of the stalest biscuits Nic has ever seen. Behind her, Joel closes the garage. “We got a lotta extra here. Y’all, y’all want some biscuits?

“Dad, you love biscuits,” Sarah says with a bit of bite and Nic smiles, tipping her head back over her shoulder to look at Joel who pauses and looks over to the couple. She follows his gaze.

The old woman has biscuit crumbs sticking out of her mouth and her husband reaches over to clean it up. It’s “slightly” disturbing.

“I do. But I’m on Atkins,” Joel smiles and hugs Nic from behind, his hands around her waist.

“Bull,” She mumbles through her smile.

“Shut it, Nicole,” Joel whispers onto her shoulder as he kisses her cheek.

“On what now?” Mr. Adler shouts and he sounds like a classic old man with failing hearing.

“It’s, uh… “ Nic steps on his foot. “You know what? We gotta run, but Sarah’ll be by later. She’ll stay as long as you want. Tell ya all about Atkins,” Joel smiles and starts around the truck, opening the door for Sarah.

“Solid,” Sarah mumbles to her dad.

“Oh, don’t forget.” Nic hands Sarah the lunch she made and steps up on the sidebar to kiss the top of her head. “Do great today, Sarah.”

Sarah smiles and nods, taking the lunch box. Closing the door, Nic turns to kiss Joel again before he leaves for work.

“Be careful. Love you.”

“Yeah yeah. Love you too,” Joel rolls his eyes. Nic knows it’s because he hates it when she tells him to be careful.

Once he climbs in, the engine starts and some loud trashy pop music starts playing as the car rolls out of the driveway.

She waits until the truck is out of sight before she makes her way back into the house. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She settled into a routine with Joel and Sarah a few years ago when she moved in. They leave for work and school and Nic spends an hour doing house chores or just extra work to just help to keep the place tidy.

So taking a deep breath, Nic pushes herself off of the door and moves to the kitchen.

There is an accumulating pile of things to do, so one by one she crosses them off the list.

Start the laundry (don’t forget Sarah’s. The kid deserves a break )

Dishes

Clean up the nightstand because who knows what's growing on there right now.

Get ready for work.

6) 7)….

And Nic absolutely kicks that list’s ass.

Since the kitchen is closest, she starts with that. It’s quick work of washing plates, forks, and cups, drying them, and putting them away. It’s probably the most difficult of her tasks so Nic is not stressed about anything else.

The laundry she gathers and separates piles into, darks, and Joels versus Sarahs. Throw it in the washing machine and it is done with that task. The nightstand is not difficult work, but it’s probably the one Nic is most dreading. There are a concerning number of bottles and cans and other random crap that doesn’t belong on a nightstand.

She throws away what should have been trashed weeks ago and cleans whatever cups missed the first load of dishes. When she’s done fixing it up and wiping down the wooden surface, she moves to the closet to get dressed. Nic works a very low-maintenance job, she cuts hair. She’s not a professional hairdresser but she’s skilled and works with a therapy group of Parents of Kids with Autism.

Nic had a little sister who had autism. Carina. Nic attended a similar support group with her mom and learned a lot. Cutting hair doesn’t pay the bills but Nic’s between jobs right now and rich white moms who don’t care about their kids will give you a lot of money if they think you can make their lives easier.

Nic dresses in simple clothes, nothing flashy or congested. Dressing simply helped make her job easier.

When Nic has done everything and has twenty minutes to spare, she rewards herself. She cuts some strawberries (effectively creating more dirty dishes), covers the fruit in sugar, and throws herself down on the couch. When she grabs the remote and the TV flickers on, Nic hardly pays attention.

Jakarta comes up again in the background noise and Nic shrugs. What a coincidence, she ignorantly thinks to herself.

Soon enough she loses track of time and now she’s late. When Nic surges through the client’s doors, they are not very pleased with her tardiness.

Nic has established a theme for herself today. She was grossly late for work, she was supposed to meet Joel for lunch and she did, but they only had a few minutes before she had to leave again. And now. Nic felt overwhelming guilt as she pulled up in front of Sarah’s school…. 15 minutes late.

“I am so sorry kiddo. I don’t know what happened. I have been discombobulated all damn day, and there was this absolute bitch of a mother I had to deal with-” Nic is cut off by Sarah’s laughter as the girl gets in the car.

“It’s fine Nic. It’s not raining. Like last time,” Sarah trains off in a playful voice. Nic groans.

“Hey. That was one time!”

The drive through the city is stretches on and creates an anxious atmosphere but Sarah doesn’t seem to notice this as she gazes out the window. She doesn’t get to come into the city often and when she does, it’s a whole nother world. Living on the outskirts of Austin is nothing like being in the middle of all the chaos. Nic grew up in the city, this was her home.

The ride is silent except for the buzz of the radio which has been finely tuned to perfect by Sarah. The winding familiar streets eventually lead Nic to where she wants to go.

The Lone Star Watch and Jewelry store.

Nasir, the old shopkeeper with thinning hair and steady hands is leaning over the counter, looking through the mechanics of Joel’s old watch.

“Twenty,” He says, his accent thick. The clocks on the wall behind tick loudly and it makes Nic stressed. She loves this shop but right now she can’t help but feel uneasy.

“That’s it?” Sarah asks the price considerably lower than anticipated apparently.

“Okay, 30.”

“Don’t hustle the kid, Nasir,” Nic responds teasingly, leaning her elbow on the counter and shifting her weight to one side. She smiles at him playfully and he gives her a smile and points at her jokingly.

“Twenty’s good,” Sarah nods and smiles at the interaction between the two. Nic never pretends, how she acts with adults is practically the same as how she acts with Sarah. No bullshit.

Nic knows how important this gift is for Sarah, and how excited she is to give her dad something for his birthday. Nic knows how important Sarah’s dad is to her. The kid passes over the cash and pockets the rest. Nic gives her a look.

“It’s a spring. I’ll do it right now,” Nasir says as he turns around and finds the piece he’s looking for. He is always efficient and Nic has very little problem with his handiwork. With his back turned, Nic looks at Sarah again.

“What are your plans to do with the change?” Nic asks, keeping the question light and not making any accusations just yet. Sarah gives her a look.

“What do you think I’m going to do?”

“Buy hard-core drugs.” Nic’s tone is serious but she cracks a smile. Sarah just chuckles and shakes her head. Sometimes Sarah is just so much like Joel that Nic can’t help but laugh. Both would deny it but they are nearly identicals.

The phone in the back starts ringing and outside sirens.

One, two, three, four cop cars. Two fire trucks. Three ambulances. What the hell is going on outside? Nic thinks to herself. The ominous task force only adds to the strange atmosphere Nic has had all day and she can’t shake this feeling that something is just so out of balance. A S.W.A.T. car drives by.

“All day. I swear,” Nasir sighs, shaking his head. Nic wants to ask what he’s talking about but his wife walks out in a frenzy, the beads hanging from the doorway chattering behind her. She announces that the store is closing for the day.

“Huh?” Nasir glances up from his work to stare at his wife. She gives him a look that gives Nic chills. Nasir’s wife says something in Arabic, and while Nic failed her language courses, she knows when someone isn’t happy with their spouse. No matter the dialect.

“We’re done for today.” She flips over the closed sign against the door in an angry manner. Nic stands up straighter, the woman’s hostile attitude putting her on edge.

“It’s 3:15, we close at 7.” Nasir gestures to the clocks around them and then turns back to Joel’s watch. She tells him something that Nic doesn’t understand before taking Sarah by the arm.

“I’m very sorry. He cannot finish.” But the way the woman is holding Sarah makes Nic uncomfortable and she makes an effort to move between the two.

“I’m already finished,” Nasir responds, his wife is not happy with him and demands the watch, throws it into Nic’s hands, and ushers the two customers to the door.

“You two should go home.”

The door closes behind them and the curtain is drawn. Uncomfortable, Nic practically gets a speeding ticket racing home. Sarah doesn’t seem too bothered which is some comfort to Nic.

She parks in the driveway.

“Alright. You might want to get over to the Adlers. You’re late,” Nic hears the hypocrisy and snorts to herself. Sarah doesn’t quite move out of the garage yet and Nic turns to the girl.

“Could you pick up ice cream? Like backup ice cream. In case dad forgets a cake?”

Nic tries not to wince as she nods. Sarah smiles sadly before moving over to the neighbor's house. Nic watches her walk to the door, and the kid waves at her before entering the house. Mrs. Adler (not Grandma Adler) also waves. Nic shifts the car into reverse and is back out on the road.

And Nic buys the best fucking ice cream she can find. While she’s out at the store she also makes sure to buy some more eggs and pancake mix. She chuckles to herself while checking out. She can never be somewhere on time and Joel for the life of himself, can’t remember a damn thing. A pair made in fucking heaven.

When she gets home, she fills her arms with all of the bags because Nic believes that two trips are for the weak. She had gotten her EBT points and had splurged on a fancy dinner for her and Sarah. Potatoes, asparagus, and the best cut of ribeye the meat section at the grocer’s had to offer. The two and a half hours that Sarah spends next door are filled with frying and chopping. The kitchen smells divine, especially after Nic updated Joel’s spice rack. (“You have to have more than salt and pepper Joel.” He smiles. “We have Cinnamon.”)

The door opens and Sarah throws her bag down next to the door.

“Smells delicious,” Sarah says dramatically as she sits down at the table. Nic smiles as she turns off the stove and moves to the designated serving section of the kitchen.

“Well, you are just in time sugar. Cause mama’s done cookin' up in this bitch.” (Nic might have taken a shot or two while cooking.) But Sarah just laughs as Nic brings the plates over. Regardless of the alcohol in her system, the food was perfect. The two eat mainly in silence due to how quickly they’re just shoving this food into their mouths. To be fair, it was a fantastic meal.

Nights like these have become more common over the years when Nic makes dinner, sometimes with Sarah’s help, and they eat, watch TV, talk. It’s nice. Sarah has become like a daughter to Nic, and it’s cliche to say but it’s true. Every band concert, soccer game, and dance, Nic is there to cheer her on and help her up when she falls. And Sarah has been so supportive of Joel and Nic’s relationship. It was hard at first, Mother’s Days were difficult, still are, but waking up to breakfast in bed the past two years or so was a treat. Sarah has a mother, but sometimes it’s nice to have a mom.

After dinner, Nic is laying on the couch, channel surfing, next to Sarah who is working on her homework. The few times Nic glances over at the kid’s work, she gets a headache. Definitely not fractions.

Time passes faster than anticipated and soon enough Joel is an hour late. Maybe he’s been hanging around Nic too much. Sarah finished her homework and was now flipping through a magazine, her head resting on Nic’s lap.

Nic remembers as a kid when she would stay up reading, her father would yell at her, saying there wasn’t enough light in the room and that she would hurt her eyes. She wanted to tell Sarah about it but the News on TV caught her attention.

“No comment today from the Austin Police Department regarding a rash of violent incidents across the city, some suggesting a new street drug may be to blame. More on that when we return, with Manuela Sanchez reporting live…”

The sun had long since set and the TV was the only light when the sound of the doorknob turning caused Sarah to sit up.

“You locked the door for once.” Joel’s voice is tired and his steps are heavy as he walks through the door. “Good job.” Sarah looks unimpressed and Nic just stares. It’s important to show up for your kids, especially on important days like today.

“Yeah,” Sarah sighs and sits up more on the couch. Nic reaches over to the coffee table to grab the remote and mute the TV. Joel throws himself down between Sarah and Nic.

“It’s 10,” Sarah says expectantly.

“I know. They… gave us the wrong size for the headers. That doesn’t mean anything to ya. I’m sorry,” Joel looks over at Sarah with sad eyes but she’s relentless.

“Where’s the cake?”

Joel’s reaction is instant. He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes and groans. “Shit.”

“C’mon, man,” Sarah cries disappointedly. Nic puts a hand on Joel’s back and she rubs it softly. Joel sits back up.

“I’ll get us one tomorrow.”

“Swear, or you don’t get your present,” Sarah says.

“You got me a present?” Joel’s instant mood change is hysterical. And he turns towards Sarah. “Swear.”

“On my life.” Joel has this smile on his face that he only reserves for Sarah, it almost looks like he’s a kid again with the joy that comes into his eyes.

Sarah nods at Nic who slowly, so as not to draw any attention to herself, stands from the couch and moves to the kitchen. She finds some old candles that are practically melted down into nubs and rummages around through the junk drawer for the lighter. By the time she makes it back into the living room, Joel is laughing and holding his watch while Sarah just watches her dad in admiration.

“Besides, it’s the thought that counts. And you were never gonna do it for yourself, so.”

“Thank you,” Joel says as he starts to put the watch on his wrist. He must catch the might of the candles cause he looks over and there’s a look on his face of something that is a pure mix of shock and contentment.

Nic holds a bowl of ice cream with a crooked candle in the center as she sits on the table across from Sarah and Joel and starts to sing.

“Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Joel/Dad, Happy Birthday to you!”

Joel laughs and goes to blow out the candle. Sarah is ecstatic.

“No!” Joel gives Sarah an incredulous look. “You can’t just blow it out. You have to make a wish.” Sarah’s voice is harsh but she’s smiling and she’s looking at her dad like he is the only person in the world that could ever possibly matter.

Joel rolls his eyes, closes them, waits for a beat, and then blows out the candles. Sarah claps as Nic moves the couch and pulls out three spoons from her pocket and passes them out.

“Oh! There’s one more,” Sarah says as she reaches behind a couch cautiously and reveals the DVD. Curtis and Viper 2. “Borrowed it from the Adlers.”

“Oh, this is the one with the deleted scenes.” Joel takes the disc and admires it, flipping it around, almost as if to check if it’s real.

“No way,” Nic gasps, taking it from him. He gives her a stupid pouty face that makes her smile. She can’t believe she’s holding this ancient artifact of a movie. (She’s exaggerating of course, but things of this crudity aren’t allowed anymore. It’s exciting to have the opportunity to watch it again).

“Yeah, imagine how bad those have to be. C’mon, pop it in. While it’s still your birthday.”

Nic throws the disc into the DVD player and reclines back on the couch on Joel’s other side. He moves and groans dramatically. Sarah’s head is resting on his opposite shoulder. It’s just Sarah, Joel, and Nic on the couch, huddled together like it’s gonna get cold and the intro to the movie starts to play.

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“‘Course, I won’t,” Sarah says. “It’s too riveting. And I have to finish my ice cream.”

Nic snorts and before long is falling asleep to the sounds of gunshots, explosions, ninjas, and the lingering taste of ice cream.

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