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小黑米生活 turned 10 today!

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Selfies with the big stars~ I'm in heaven 😱

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"If you don't take initiative , then neither will I"

“If you don’t take initiative , then neither will I” Two can play at that game.

I wonder how many relationships these days are like that. Personally, I’m not sure if it has something to do with our personality or the culture and environment we were brought up in that gave us such a mind set.

I, am guilty of that quote. Or I use to be. Living my in own little world, with my own fantasy thoughts and princess dreams; thinking I can do everything myself and figure everything out with no help; sadness and/or happiness will not be shared with anyone. Not because I have no friends or I am a loner. I simply thought, “it my world, you wouldn’t understand anyways (even if I explained myself).”

Hence, towards anyone, I would never take initiative in anything. What I want to do, may not be what you want, what you like may differ from me. I won’t force my ideas and likes on you, so don’t force yours on me as well.

Until I met this guy, (let’s call him Tom). Tom is a nice guy, would also start a conversation and tell me about his day and then ask about mine; ask about my well being, have I eaten yet, what did I eat, did I sleep well, what happened at work etc.

I found it annoying, questions like these are what my parents asks me and it gets repetitive and boring. A complete stranger and yet I have to explain my day to him? Not happening! And not wasting my time because one answer will just lead to another question. Now if I was bored to my mind that day, I may decide to reply a few here and there.

Because Tom is a complete stranger, I don’t strike a conversation first. It was always him that did that.

One day he stopped, he stopped asking how was my day, where did I eat my lunch, how was work. Tom was gone. Something, (even though it was annoying) that has been there every day for a month, is all of sudden gone; I was not use to it.

Of course, since I refuse to message him first and start a conversation, I did not hear from Tom for days.

I told a close friend of mine this story and showed her our conversation, she said, “well no wonder he is gone, you basically pushed him away, With your cold one-two words reply, he figured you had no interest and just got tired of trying and just walked away himself.”

That hit me, I did not mean to hurt Tom in anyway. Sure, I knew he probably liked me, but to me, when guys asks those questions, I become annoyed. I have tons of things to figure out on my hands then to reply to those simple questions.

What I didn’t realize was that the reason for those basic questions was because he wanted to get to know me. He opened up to me and I just shut him off completely.

I liked him too, maybe not to the relationship extend yet, but when he stopped talking, it felt like something was missing.

So, I walked out my bubble and first time ever I my life I messaged him, “hey, wassup?” He replied instantly with “nothing much.”

“Nothing much” didn’t seem like what the old Tom would have said. No matter how busy or has his hand full at the moment, he would always reply with a longer sentence. But I didn’t know want to say to that. And I just left my the conversation at that. (For the moment).

Afterwards, it was just cold texts between the two of us, he kept the words to a minimal reply and I tried to match that too. (Pretty stupid) he would not reply as often, it would take him one to two hours to reply me. No matter how happy inside to see he finally texted, I would never show it to him and reply back within one to two hours as well. One day, I called Tom out and we went for a drink, with some alcohol in my system, I got out everything that I wanted to say that has been bottled up for so long and I couldn’t say it over text because I refused to type anything longer than 5 words.

“I’m not initiative not because I don’t like you, it’s because I like you that I don’t want to initiate anything, because I don’t want to force my likings on to you or call you out when you are busy. I don’t want to be the one to call you out when there’s no reason for us to see each other, or when you don’t have anything to tell/discuss with me. When I have a problem, I solve it myself, there was no reason to call for help or ask for options/advice. I don’t talk initiative to go look for you is not because I don’t care, is because I know you have more important matters of your own than to deal with mine, and our meetings would not be worth the time.”

A misunderstand was cleared that night. I learned that Tom just wanted to help, he wanted to be part of my life and I was pushing him away. Tom told me if I had told him that any time later, he would have really been gone because he thought I just wasn’t interested.

If I didn’t walk out my bubble and be openly with Tom, Tom would have been gone. But there will probably be a second or third Tom, and they will all be gone because of my non initiative personality.

Whether it’d be a new relationship or already in a relationship, being initiative is important. It keeps two people together through heart and mind. If initiative was taken, and two people still don't end up together, then you at least know you tried your best, whereas if nothing was done, then it will only leave regrets.

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Just want to share my journey to Harwards and it was magical~

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I miss the sun, the water, the beach, the road trips, and summer #😢 #tbt #summer #selfie #selca

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New year, new look, new hair #💇🏻 #2016 #newyear #selfie #selca #asian #potd #ootd (at Richmond Hill, Ont)

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Good morning #selfie #😏 #potd #selca #smile #😬

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#illuminate2015 #toronto #wintermagic (at Yonge-Dundas Square)

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装逼模式- ON! #😏 Tattoo by @master__shark at @hontattoostudio #tattoo #potd #backside

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And so wonderland was more than just going into haunted house 👻👻👻 #cwhaunt2015 #cwhaunt #selfie #potd #halloween (at Canada's Wonderland)

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Yes, I have made an attempt towards the shaved eyebrow trend ~ #😱#tbt #selfie #selca #shavedeyebrows #wcw #morning

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#summer #1000island #千岛湖 #cruise #selca #🚢 (at Gananoque, Ontario)

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有人跟我说过当这两张字幕还Echo each other， 变成了 “安静的美男子” ....p.s not my intention #😳 #安静的美男子 #wilderness #potd #asian #salmon (at Port Hope, Ontario)

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Accidentally met a match ootd. #😳 #ootd #blackie #thebacksideismoreslick #wilderness (at Port Hope, Ontario)

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Saw the transporter last night and I'm feeling it today ~ "I need the transporter." #transporter #movie #cosplay #selfie #selca #bored

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The moment I say "let's take a selfie together" and this is what I get ... #solo #botonicalgarden #montreal #selfie #asian #roadtrip